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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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TearsInHeaven

Susan, sharing your birthday card with us was so touching.  I certainly appreciate how things like that are so touching and treasured.  Happy Birthday.  Your young man looks like he is "football size". Hope he does well both on and off the field---and suiting up his freshman year is outstanding.

Sherry,  I agree with you---no Black  Friday shopping here either.  I don't mind letting my fingers do the walking across the computer keys! We do not buy for anyone other than my daughter and her family and since they have to be shipped it works out well.  We pick off the kids tree at our bank and do meals for Salvation Army so that is about our extent.  We haven't done decorations since losing Michael.  No one here but us and no "friends" to drop in.  We used to host a big "Christmas Cheer Night" for the people I worked with on the clinical side but that stopped long ago.  One of my Christmas treat was always Christmas music but it has not made its way out of the closet. (How old does that sound these days with cds???!!!!)  Just can't do it. And traveling to Wyoming in December is way too risky so I am not even thinking about it.

Dee, hope you are feeling better.  I had the congestion, cough and throat bug. I felt run over.  All is gone but the cough just lingers especially in the morning. Did you hear the weather? A light dusting of snow tonight------not ready for that.   But they are also talking 50's next week.  We actually cut the grass yesterday and got up some of the leaves.  Before I started consulting and actually had to go into the hospital, I used to keep a calendar with a countdown from from Dec 1 to Feb 28th .  Those were my scary winter days. But I guess I can take them if I didn't have November any more.  I think I am doing well but then November shows up and all I hear is that tick tock and relive every day leading up to that horrible 28th.

Lesley, Tommy is so handsome. Thanks for sharing.

 

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Oh Dianne, yes, like I was body  slammed by a gorilla is how I felt two days ago...I am not great, but not as achy today...just hoping I can sleep. How long has the cough hung on for you? Yep, it may snow a bit but more likely near the lake for chicago...so I don't know that I will see it. You may thought hu?

Happy wonderful birthday tiny little Susan...I am so glad that 'One of your boys' dropped in for a hug and possibly a chocolate chip cookie. The smiles you share are like sunshine. How nice that you got a visit on your day. He is a tall young many, tall and grateful to you and your family for giving him some of what makes him thrive. My sis in law Carol, lived just outside of Boston and has 4 big big boys, football adn basketball through all grades and high school and college...there was a program in the 70's to help out inner city kids by hosting a child to live with you and go to your kids schools and she did this with another person's Son. Her Boy grew huge alongside Carol's 4 boys, they are all 6'7" and 6'8". They remain brothers and now with kids between them, cousins and uncles. He  had the benefit of a safer locale and a nurturing family in which to grow, plus his loving Momma who he spent time with on the weekends. Carol and the Boys had the benefit of another fun-loving boy in an already boy-crowded house and opening their hearts nice and wide to let him all the way in.

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dee Kate georgina louann Sherry diane and anyone I may have forgotten thanks for your kind comments about my son. Yes Tommy was a handsome boy for sure. Only 7% of the world population has naturally red hair. Still gingers are picked on  frequently which is sad. My eldest daughter is a strawberry blonde and has the same very pale skin and freckles as her brother, but there are few adults who have that bright orange that Tommy had. When he was little his hair stuck up and pulsed over his soft spot (fontanelle) making his hair move it was hilarious!

laurie good luck with the home visit for your grandson. Sometimes you have to fight more than once for a good outcome so keep on going. It must be very special to have your grandkids living with you, bloody hard work and tiring too as we are all that bit older. but so worth it. especially if they are the offspring of your spirit child. There is that connection with your spirit child forever and what a gift.

I have been quite busy firstly looking after my son after he had all 4 wisdom teeth removed in hospital ( he is fine now and back at university) then having my youngest daughter home for a couple days packing up her stuff to move into her new shared house in Bristol. I have been beyond touched by the actions of my 2 kids toward their sister  recently. The 3 have always been pretty close, and even though they have all lived in different cities maintain contact with skype calls, texts and snapchat. Ross helped his sister find a managerial post in Bristol where he lives and gave up his partime job so she could work at that store. Annaliese helped Emily research shared houses and organised viewings and Ross went along with her to ensure her safety. They also lent Emily the money for advance rent, fees and living expenses so she could move. She was living in his shared house for 2 weeks to save money. Now she is settled into a new city with a job and a home to live in and her little brother down the road to help her find her way around and socialise with until she makes friends. It is great to see her so happy. After uni she found it really hard to get a job in my home city and got really depressed feeling she had accrued so much student debt for a degree that did not seem to help her future. I kept encouraging her telling her that an opportunity would come along and it would be the right one and finally it did. feeling blessed that my kids are all happy and settled with supportive caring partners. I still wonder where Tommy would be now, what he would be doing etc and feel he was cheated out of his life, but am definitely dealing better with that.

Well another week has passed so I hope you all have a good weekend doing things you like and keeping busy, as the holidays are almost here. take care y'all!

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Dee and Dianne, how are the patients today? It is good that the weekend is upon us and you can take the opportunity to get some much needed rest. We have broken a record this past few days for the lowest night time temps. Last year we broke a record for the highest for this time of the year! Go figure. We had about four inches of snow last Saturday and it looks as if it is going to stay.

Lesley, I do know about gingers. I am also a red headed person. My family and my husband's family have red haired colouring along with the pale skin and freckles. In the Orient a red haired person is considered blessed by the Gods. When Ross and Jamie were in Thailand and Hong Kong years ago older people that passed James touched him on the head for good luck. Did you also know that we feel pain more acutely? That we require a larger dose of anesthetic for surgeries? It has been proven in research. 

Susan, what a great looking young man and how nice that he has become so close to your family. I hope that you had a wonderful visit with him and a really great birthday!

I spent a good deal of time yesterday afternoon baking my shortbread and trying to get some baking organized for my kids out west. Today I bake my cake and it has been soaking in brandy and rum for the week. Young people today for the most part do not like fruit cake. Jeff told me I could use it for a foot stool for all he cared. I have an old recipe from Scotland that my MIL gave to me and it has never failed me to date. Thinking of everyone and hoping your day is a peaceful one. Stay healthy and warm.

Kate

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Well a lovely dusting of snow is upon us, tiny flakes fell as I walked in the still dark morning before my shower and getting ready for school. Now we are getiting more than anticipated by the weather people, a nice quiet white, peaceful snow.

I slept last night with just one coughing jag in the night, so I read for a bit and went back to sleep, so I do feel I am getting better...

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TearsInHeaven

We got a little snow this morning also.  It is the coldest it has been but even I cannot complain about the small dusting of snow.  We do get lake effect snow but often it heads more north east and hits cities and towns more up towards the Michigan border.   Guess there is no getting around this winter stuff.....

Dee, I am still coughing from almost a couple of weeks.  Now it is mostly early morning.  I was having the night cough wake up but that is better. The cold achies are gone.   My nasopharynx "feels' like congestion but it is getting better.  I need to get my flu shot and have not yet.  

Kate, I truly never knew anyone who actually made fruit cake.!

winter2.jpgME!!!!

good sick.jpgFeel better Dee and anyone else under the weather. This time of year....

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Susan-----Thanks for the great pic of you and 'one of your boys', who

recently paid you a visit.  Yes, living in the country is peaceful & quiet....

most of the time. It gets busy in spring with the planting, and harvesting in

the fall.  At these times, it can get noisy with large farm implements going

up and down the roads.....tractors, combines, balers, wagons etc.  Winter

is pretty quiet because all the harvesting work is done.  In winter, the dairy

farms haul manure to the fields. :huh:   We don't  mind that, as we're used to

it.  I have always lived on farms, and my husband was born & raised in the

city......but loves the rural life.  I agree, though, about the handiness of 

darting out for a quick trip for a jug of milk or a loaf of bread. I did appreciate

that convenience when we lived in the condo several years ago.

 

Lesley----Yes, red hair is striking, and Tommy is so handsome.  Recently,  my

nephew & wife had their second baby girl. To their surprise.... she was born with red hair....

parents both have dark, or med. brown hair.  My oldest daughter mentioned to them that

my dad had a good head of red hair at one time.....(told to us by my parents).....I

don't remember him with red hair...only graying hair.  He said it turned while he

was in the Navy in WWII.   So, we all had a good memory, thinking of the new

little babe with red hair. She must have gotten the gene from her great-grandpa.

Glad to hear that you Emily has gotten loving help & support from her siblings,

in getting set up and settled in her job and place.   Annaliese.......what a lovely, lovely

name.  I adore it, and often wish that I had named one of my daughters that  name, but

don't think that I had heard it that often before they were born.

 

Kate-----Your fruitcake sounds delicious.....especially after it has 'aged' in the rum.

I agree......sometimes hard to find someone who likes fruitcake.  We've all heard the

"fruitcake jokes".  I  really like it, and usually buy a very small one at the nearby farm

market....home baked, and so good with tea or coffee.

 

Dee-----We're getting a dusting of snow today.....and quite cold.  I hope that you are feeling

better each day.  The upper respiratory bug is just dreadful, and saps all one's strength, and

leaves you with aches & pains. :(    So good of your sister-in-law to take the boys in. Her

house must have been a beehive of activity.....and good-natured fun.

 

Dianne-----I agree......the Black Friday madness....and shopping in general during the holidays,

can be stressful at the least,....and a 'downer' with many sad memories.   I steer clear of it all. 

After losing beloved children, we sometimes need to let go of some old traditions. 

We don't have much in the way of gatherings at our place either. Things change. 

 Wishing you comfort and peace as the 28th approaches.

PEACE    TO   ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

      

 

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So thankful to find this forum.  We lost our son, Wesley age 35, due to a heart attack on Sept. 04, 2017.  

I'm just trying to adjust, I hurt for the loss of my son, at the same time trying to answer the hard questions asked by my grandchildren.  Taking it one day at a time.  

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TearsInHeaven

Jean, I know these words do not come close to alleviating your pain but I am so sorry for your loss.  I know these words get to be just background noise after hearing them so often.  You have come to a place where those of us unfortunately know the pain of losing a child. all to well. But in this place we have bonded together to share, and support each other with this loss. When a child dies our world is shattered and we are brought to our knees.  You are about 10  weeks out from this life altering tragedy. You are probably doing so many "what ifs' in your mind.  Just take it one day (or one hour or one minute) at a time. I know you feel like you can never live through this pain but you will. But think about only getting through the next minute.  It is a rough and rocky road ahead. I am sure you are thinking about the little children losing their dad and his wife losing her life partner but do take care of yourself as grief takes so much out of you. You loved Wesley for 35 years. The first year of grieving a child is like no other and can be equated to a thought you deem too unbearable to think. It can be filled with blocks of denial, and visions of moments and days when it just doesn’t seem real.  Your mind is still trying to process this unthinkable event. Sharing your pain can help you process it. Your grief is your own and you will grieve in your own way and your own time. Don’t try to fit a mold or compare to someone else. Grief does not come with instructions. It is up and down, through tunnels and a drop like a roller coaster ride.  But while your grief will become a part of you you will find that somehow you will adjust to this new normal in your life.  But don't beat yourself up about it not happening in a moment.  Grief always lasts longer than the people around you expect it to.  There are many on this forum I think of as my mentors who have helped me this far along. I could not do the counseling part as it just did not work on a personal level.  I lost my son at the age of 36 and am shortly coming up on my 3rd anniversary.  He did not have any children. Losing a child no matter what age or what circumstances is the loneliest journey a person takes. Those who come close to understanding that are those who share that experience. A grieving parent has to find their own way to live with the loss but they do not have to be alone. 

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Jean, Dianne said it so well...we will hold you in our hearts now, you stepped through this threshold where we take care of one another through the pain of loss. While we all share some commonalities in our grief, as Dianne said, it is yours, you will have to express it and walk with it in your own way, and know that there is no wrong way in which to do this, as long as you make choices that are good for you...(drugs and alcohol do not help). The shock that our bodies carry will wear away and when those layers loosen and fall off, we find a less protected heart and soul. Shock protects us from feeling it all at once, so please be good to yourself. Take walks if you can so that you get out of the house into the daylight, get some exercise because no matter what, it is good for your whole self. We realize in times of deep ache and stress, that our bodies and minds are deeply connected, so we have to take care of that body in order to also protect your mind and your heart. Are you caretaker for your Grand-kids? How many Grandies do you have and how old are they? I have some grief books for young ones in my classroom, I teach third grade. My Girl died 14.5 years ago at the age of 19, a train hit her car in Kalamazoo, Michigan.Broken crossing.  My kids grew up where I still live, outside of Chicago but were living there with friends to try life outside of parents homes. Neither of my kids had grades to go to a 4 year college so they dabbled at the Community College, they even took a Children's Lit class together, which touched me. When you are able, tell us about your Son, about his life and your lives. As you come ot know us you will remember one from the other, but now, do not worry about who is who, we are many on this site...we are all holding your hands and heart.

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Dee I help with my grandkids in the afternoon while their mother is at work.  I started about 2 years ago when the oilfield slowed down during that time Wesley worked jobs around home, he had been back to oilfield work the last 9 months.  Two girls age 7 & 6, One boy age 4, I'm thankful to be able to spend time with the children it is healing for both of us.

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CanT seem to shake this cold, the cough and stuffy head just make sleep a very choppy thing. Oh well...We will take the kids to the rink again today for Erica's lesson, Mike likes going with to watch and have Grammy/Grandpa time. Wishing you all a million peaceful thoughts.

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Tina, she is still gone...I know. There was a writer who once said about his loss of his spouse of 50 years...The worst thing about her death is she is still gone. It is simply not right. You are shedding some of that shock we speak about here, a layer is lifted and the pain under is pretty overwhelming, it involves time and future. I am holding you.

 

Jean, I agree, it is healing to be able to both spend time with the kids, and to be a source of love for them, for your Daughter in law, and know that your Son is smiling on you for continuing the support of his Kids. It must be very hard at the same time, to know that your Grandies are hurting, but I know that your support will be an immeasurable lift for them and for you. I have worked with kids for a long while and over that time, have seen kids as they grieve losses. They are very different healers than we adults, life in all its complexities are simplified and made more clear through the beautiful minds and hearts of children. They will always miss their Daddy and will take him in their hearts in all they do. You may have seen some manifestations of their loss in their sleep patterns or their play patterns, I hope that the school social worker is seeing them through some of this.  I went back to work after Erica died, she died int he summer andso had my built in break before school began again, and did not know if I could go back, but it was in the daily lives of my students that I found my purpose again, and due to their needs, I had little time those 6 hours a day, to overthink my grjief. It was like a break from it for those hours of the day.

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Jean, I echo everything that Dianne and Dee stated so well in their posts. I, too, am so very sorry for your loss. We can honestly say that you will know in your heart that nobody means it more than we do! Please share your son with us when you are ready. 

Tina, hold on. Dee is so right. The layers of grief are lifting and it is important for you to know that we are here to help you through this most difficult period.

Georgina, how did the Compassionate Friends retreat go? How is your recovery coming along?

Gretchen, if you are reading...I have been thinking of you. 

Leah, same thing on this end. Let us know if there are any changes. Hold on with both hands.

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LEST WE FORGET

Today we pay tribute to those past and present 

Who served our country with courage and compassion.

Last Night  I Had The Strangest Dream

By Ed McCurdy

Last night I had the strangest dream I've ever dreamed before

I dreamed I saw a mighty room filled with men and women

And the paper they were signing said they would never fight again

And when the paper was all signed and a million copies made

They all joined hands and bowed their heads and grateful prayers were prayed

And the people in the streets below were dancing round and round

While swords and guns and uniforms were scattered on the ground

Last night I had the strangest dream I'd ever dreamed before

I dreamed the world had all agree to put an end to war.

McCurdy, was a folk singer and wrote this poem in 1949.

 

 

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When you go home

Tell them of Us and Say

For your tomorrow 

We gave our today

I feel it is so important that we recognize not just today but every day that our service people put their lives at risk in order for us to enjoy our freedom and way of life. We need to push our governments for better mental health care and facilities for those returning suffering from PTSD.  Those who carry the wounds of their battle that can not be seen outwardly. They don't just go away because they have returned home. They have witnessed and experienced events that are both horrific and so traumatic that they will live with this horror for the rest of their lives. These are OUR FAMILY. They are our brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, etc. It is a life long struggle that never goes away. We are seeing the increase in suicides due to those that have been thrown under the bus so to speak. There is an epidemic of homeless veterans that do not have proper health care or shelter. How can this be? We need to treat them as the respected heroes they are and see that their best interest is being met in all areas. Today, while we shop the malls preparing for the upcoming holidays we must remember that it is a privilege and not an entitlement. At what cost to someone else? Is this how we treat family?

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jeffsmom that was beautifully and accurately put. We should all be grateful to those who lost their lives in order to give us freedom and also care for those who are still living but need medical psychiatric or financial help. Many of us have suffered post traumatic stress disorder from losing our child but many of these veterans have witnessed far more than one traumatic incident and lost colleagues and friends, by deliberately volunteering themselves in order to help others. I am grateful for all our forces and emergency personnel. In the UK we buy and wear a red poppy in remembrance. The red poppy grows wild and symbolises the blood that was shed so that we can live with freedom of war or occupation.

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11/11 at 11:00. We celebrate the veterans of the world, salute them with our grateful hearts and keep them in our prayers always. We hope that the Veteran hospitals and services would do so much more to support our returning soldiers: follow through and helping with jobs and housing. So many of Chicago's homeless are Veterans who due to PTSD and returning to a world that no longer fits in their niche', they lose jobs and lose their families and many turn to drugs to mediate these scary issues. Hope and more hope.

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Repeat

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Just now, Somersky said:

Hey there 

so we took a trip to France... I lit a candle for Skylar at the sacre couer...

i didn’t know when they did Skylar’s autopsy they kept some of his tissue ... I guess because his death was “undetermined”

so... I guess they have found some issues with me.. I have to go for many tests. I feel guilty... I feel responsible 

 

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I am reporting one of Skylar’s doctors to the college of Physicians and surgeons...it takes a lot of courage.. but I have to do it for Skylar 

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He hit Skylar 

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Funny how doctors have such control ...

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Remembering today and EVERYDAY everyone that has sacrificed for our life ...

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Somersky, it has been a long while since we last saw you...I am glad to know that you are out there, that you went to France and lit a candle...and now, for whatever reason, some divine intervention perhaps. Perhaps these tests will find something that needs to be found. Please do not feel guilty if there is something in your DNA that was also in your Beautiful Boy's. We don't know all that we carry in us, all we can be sure of is our love, and our care. Keep us posted on these tests. And yes, it takes courage to report a bad doctor, but imagine the others who will perhaps not be hit.

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Ericasmom... for some reason .:. I just think are so awesome. Loop fitness and Pilates is my company .. I am doing my best to keep it going. I am worried about our last child ... our daughter... she had a holter moniter..it came back with abnormal beats. I can’t lose my daughter.... I know they are doing the best they can to expedite genetic testing...

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Okay let me rephrase that ... ericasmom ... she’s just great!!!!

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My girl is in heaven

Somersky.  Please do not feel guilty or responsible in any way for what happened to Skylar. You actually remind d me that the coroner  did tell me that they had taken some tissue from Kira too.  I can't remember why I was still in shock and don't remember what he said. .  But hers was undetermined too except for the drowning which occurred after and that is all that showed up on autopsy.  Both my boys had ecgs done I don't think they did blood but the ecgs  were normal.  So  even with no genetics my daughter still died of supposed arrthymia.  I don't talk about it much but my one son was diagnosed with a serious life long illness to which there is only treatment but no cure.  This was a few years befor Kira died. Even though it is usually a hereditary disease there was no family history on either side and there was nothing my son did to bring it on.  It was just pure luck of the draw or unluck I guess.  We were devastated and thought that would be the worst thing we would ever face, although we had no idea of what was waiting.  But my point is one child with a serious illness and one who died of things that usually have a hereditary component but in our cases there was none.  I have gone over in my head a million times what things I could have done that would have caused these things somewhere along the line.  But I just don't know.  My thoughts and prayers r with u but please don't feel responsible. What ever causes these things is out of our control. U go after that dr as hard as u can. I should have reported my dr a few years ago for something he did to me.  But u r right they have all the control and my dr. Is one mean nasty sob and I would be too afraid to stand up to him.  He would crush me. But I hope u get some justice.  Please keep us up to date. Hope your daughter is enjoying university.  It is a good school and a nice city.  Hugs Luanne 

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My girl is in heaven

Tina I know dear, I know she is gone.  Dee is right about the different layers of grief. Maybe that is some of the shock starting to wear off and the cold hard reality starts to set in.  I still at six years in say that same thing "she is gone" and it is still sad but doesn't pack quite the punch it did in the beginning.  You learn to weave the sadness and sorrow into a new life that you never ever wanted but none the less are faced with.  I'm glad to see u coming on here and reaching out. I wish it didn't take me so long to find this site. Like dee says we are all holding your hands.  If u ever want to talk on the phone or email I will be here for you. 

 

Jean. Glad to see you found your way on to the adult loss of child website. You see I told you there were wonderful caring people here . And unlike friends and family they won't fade away on you.  Keep coming here and let us help you.  

Susan happy belated birthday. Lovely picture. Thanks for sharing. Wishing luck to your young man it looks like he has a wonderful future ahead oh him. 

Hi Kate, Sherry and Laurie. A small dusting of snow here. But I'm sure there is much more to come ugh. Tire places are booked up everywhere. People wait til the first snow and then panic at getting their snow tires on.  Got mine on last week. Well just about to watch the jets. U must be pleased Kate they r doing well so far.  

 

Take care everyone.

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It has been a long time since my last post. I am coming up on 4 years this Tuesday the 14 and it seems to be harder with each passing year. 

 

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TearsInHeaven

TBearw58, I am sorry for your loss of Nick.  He looks like a fine young man in the pictures you shared.  I am a year behind you as I lost my son 11/28/14.  I understand so well how each year seems harder.  I am 16 days out from marking year number 3.  I cannot even comprehend how 3 years have passed.  Most of it is in a blur  and seems so often it is sorrow, grief, anger, repeat.  I do have some times of leveling out and I have had some glimpses of light I think are hope but the month of November is one long sadfull march.  I wish for you the strength to get through Tuesday and some peace and comfort to come into your heart.  

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TBEAR, oh how good to know that you are out there, that you came to touch base with us as you fact this hard hard date. I am so sorry. What have you been doing for the last long period of not being here? How is your wife? How is that Grand-girl of yours...she is so pretty in that photo. Nick is missed I know, you will always carry him in your tears and in your laughter. I know that he is smiling on you all, loving you as he always has. Keep coming here, let us hold your hands and heart as you find your way through it all.

Somersky, thanks so much, I am glad that I can be helpful to you...I think that you are a loving caring Mom, that you are facing a new struggle and that you will fight to find the facts for the whole family's betterment. YOUR Son is holding you in all his love.

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somersky glad to see you are back. try to think of future testing as a positive, it means if there is any abnormality in anyone it will show up and can be treated. no one has any knowledge of a genetic disorder until something happens. Please do not blame yourself, genetic disorders usually occur randomly, sometimes just once and it is with a mix of both you and your husband's genes. Each child inherits some genes of each parent, that is why their genetic makeup is not identical just random as they are all individuals. Often nothing is suspected until someone displays symptoms and it can be a one off. With knowledge comes treatment and prevention. I love the candle burning for Skylar, and wish you well with your complaint against the doctor you said hit him. There will be an internal investigation at the hospital and a note made on his records so there will be a consequence even if you do not get to hear about it. Do no harm is the doctor's motto and it sounds like he definitely abused his position.

luanne I am sorry to hear your son has a genetic disorder it must have been hard to get your head around it when first diagnosed and it is natural to worry about him after Kira died. We all worry about our other children too. Genetics are extremely complicated and if you actually think of the way each cell behaves and how they "know" whether to be a skin or bone or muscle cell etc it is actually miraculous that so many people escape disorders. Does not make you feel any better that your child was the one who had a problem though I do understand. However here we all are ,bereaved parents thinking we had won the life lottery and our kids had got to adulthood safe and sound and healthy and then Bam we lost them. This is why we are so lucky to have this group of caring individuals who help lift us up when we are down and share some of our life stories and vulnerabilities with. by sharing we open up discussions and give advice without realising that our words have the power to help change someone else's life and also heal us slowly by voicing our fears and frustrations and behaviours. This allows us to become a group of warriors not an isolated griever. Also Louann we find our way here exactly when we should, perhaps before would have been too early for you to be able to receive and act upon posts. I arrived here over a year after Tommy died and it was the right time for me. before then my judgement was too clouded and angry and I probably would have only been posting negatively and ignoring those who are further ahead than me who therefore have more experience and wisdom, missing out on their help.

Jean I am glad you found us here. Even if you only read posts initially you will come to find your voice and become a part of this caring community.

tbearw58 your son was such a good looking young man. Was that his daughter he was holding or someone else? Grief is for sure a very long journey that really lasts a lifetime because as parents we will all always miss our spirit children in our lives. I am glad you posted there must have been something that prompted you to post again after a long break. We would love to hear you share more about your boy when you are ready to.

dianne i know nov is a month you dread just know you are thought of and cared about here by many.

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And a last footnote for all of us to remember, our spirit children are always with us.26082ae93ca0004379469e99e4994b2c.jpg.34adc5ae4c694088ad9b7e75f78e6d91.jpg

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Hey TBear...Ross and I were just talking the other day about some of the Dad's from the past few years. I have thought of you and how you worked so hard to restore your sons motorcycle. It was pretty awesome when you were done. How is your wife doing? I know she was so ill and you had so much on your plate to deal with along with losing Nick. Too much for anyone to have to handle to be honest. How are you? I will be thinking of you this week and sending prayers for support as you approach another angel date. Your granddaughter is just adorable. Those wide big eyes would melt a heart for sure. How old is she now?

Somersky, such a difficult time you are going through. I liked seeing your pictures of Paris. We had several visits over the years, but my most precious was the time we took the boys. We stayed in the Madeleine district not far from The Louvre. Montmarte was always a favourite place of ours to tour. I hope that your prayers will be answered. I pray that you will find the peace you so need. I'm glad you stood up to that Doctor. Like all professions there are  those that are good and some that need to find another path in life.

Tina, how are you doing this weekend? 

Jean, when you feel ready please tell us about your child.

I wanted to add something about the genetic issue. My own husband was diagnosed with the same colon cancer very shortly after his Mom died of it. They sent the tests to the labs in British Colombia and we were notified that he definitely did get this from his Mom. Here is the good news...it was strongly advised that our other son go for a colonoscopy and followups on regular visits. As he was too young to show any signs of a problem he did not even think it necessary. Well after reviewing the oncologists findings his own Doctor realized how vital it was to have that test done. They found a very large polyp that would most definitely have turned cancerous in time. Because of that finding he now goes regularly to have them stay on top and by doing so it prevents anything nasty from developing. And so there are positives to knowing that you have or may carry this gene and it can most definitely help to save your life as you are given a chance to stay on top of it.

Dee, we need updates on the little ones skating progress. How did it go yesterday? Hope you are feeling a tad better today.

Sandy, thinking of you. How is your friend's daughter doing?

Laurie, how are things in your neck of the woods? I know you have much on your plate to deal with.

Sherry, we have an very irritating pilliated woodpecker that has once again resurfaced to have a go at one of our trees. If I get my hands on that little perisher I'll murderize him. Is murderize a word? Ha. We walked along the  trail to the bench yesterday and placed some Christmas greenery by Jeff's bench. We were followed along the path by a flock of the cutest chickadees. How lovely.

Love to All,

Kate

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I know that early on, it feels like the way I did when I wrote this poem...but I promise, it will not always ache like it does now. We will always always miss our Dear Children, always cry for the loss, always feel the space that nothing else can fill, but we will also find goodness in our lives, led by the light of our Kiddos.

 

Accumulation

 

Accumulated ache and loss-

a giant bank from which there are no withdrawls-

only more to put in.

 

Deposits mined from

deep soul,

remnants.

 

Ash and salt.

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Kate, that little One sure did skate well yesterday, while she says she'd rather not go, she gets right on the ice and takes the lesson quite seriously, yesterday they had to play red light-green light on ice, so learning to stop. Tehy had to dip into a squat and get back up and she did that several times without falling. They had to practice tiny two-foot jumps, landing on two feet. She landed about half of these. She is tough and was totally motivated to the lesson with the promise of visiting Michael's Craft store afterward. Yes, I am not beyond bribery. I said, "Oh, next week after lessons we can go to Michael's crafts"...boom.She is tall and strong, looks like a 5.5 year old or more height wise. She is 4.5. Michael went with and played with little hot wheels that I brought...he is one funny boy. They have my heart lassooed.

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TearsInHeaven

Lesley,  thank you for your support.  It means a lot.  Part of me feels so weak to suffer through this month.  I should be better but I know inside I am not.  I just keep reliving Nov of 2014 never realizing it would be my last with Michael alive.A couple of your snippets really grabbed my heart today. You always find good one to share.

Dee, I love your skating stories---thanks for sharing.  Like your little Erica my Piper is tall for her age and they are close in age (Piper was 4 in June). Piper loves music and I have been trying to get my daughter to get her modern dance lessons.  I bet she would like to skate....Last time we were in WY we played youtube videos for her and she danced up a storm. Like a lot of little girls Heather used to love to watch the skating. Maybe Piper could develop an interest.  Not looking fora competitor just and  activity to help her develop focus, get some great exercise and maybe enjoy the sport. There is a commercial they have played on the Blackhawk games for several years now of a really little guy on hockey skates dressed in all his protection skating towards his dad and just as he almost makes it he falls.  It is so cute.  

Somersky, I understand where you are coming from with genetics.  I am responsible for giving both of my children a problems that causes kidney stones and it is carried in the genes.  I also gave my daughter---Michael was never tested--- a problem that has caused so severe damage to my joints.  She was recently tested and is a top of the scale in the normal but they found that inherited gene. Yes, I feel guilty as any parent would.  I am not sure what the answer is to that. Had I known would I not have had my children? Neither of those problems were found until my oldest was around 10.  

Tina, hang on with both hands. We are here to surround you with support.  I felt the intense pain and sadness especially at the first anniversary.  Susan has said it is the "shocksuit" loosening and feelings pouring in.  Just remember that the only way to face grief is head on.  You will make your way. We are here for you.

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My girl is in heaven

Lesley. Thank you for your kind words. I so needed some encouragement right now.

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Thanks for all the warm welcomes to this site. I will begin posting about Wesley's life soon.  It has been a great support to be able to read your post.  Today we attended Sunday service with our grandkids, enjoyed the day. Sure missed my son throughout the day.  

   

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Jean, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear son, Wesley. Please share as you are ready. Hugs.

All, the home visit for my grandson was Sat., and we think all went well. Benton (and Jennifer) are my youngest adopted son's children (Thomas). Thomas still lives with us as he can be on-the-road at times as a welder. Benton was born in the February after Jesse transitioned. He is a rainbow grandchild (an unborn child that is coming at the same time of a recent passing). The posting of Margerate Thatcher's quote was well said, and there are some battles that might be fought more than once for sure, the most important ones are. Lesley, thank you for your words of support!  

T Bear, I am sorry that you are hurting so much. Your Nick is a handsome man. I remember your postings as also Wade's. Sending gentle thoughts. Please share as I know it is difficult to find a safe place -- a soft place to land. 

Somersky, thank you for sharing the lovely pics of the basilica. I also have used the tradition of lighting prayer candles, somehow it makes me feel more connected to the Divine side of life. My mom, (who also had 2 child losses) does the same. 

Susan, the note that your John David wrote was so touching and thoughtful. What a beautiful treasure. Happy Belated Birthday Dear One. 

Kate, I had to smile at the attention that Ross and Jamie must have received for being red-heads. Benton has a bit of red tinged hair too. We always have to watch how much sun he gets. I thought the fruit cake sounded good, I have heard there is a big difference between the store bought ones and the home made ones.

Dee, hope your cold is getting better. I have heard a lot of coughing lately...it is going around for sure. Try some freshly grated ginger with freshed squeezed lime. Just put the ginger gratings in a garlic press for the juice. The more ginger juice you add, the hotter it is, and great for clearing sinuses. 

Tina, sending you gentle thoughts. There are times when the realness of this reality is too hard. Hugs.

Dianne, thinking of you as your angel date for Michael is nearing. 

Luanne, I am not sure if I am ready for winter, but it is here! I have to buy a set of tires myself. 

Thinking of everyone tonight. Prayers for rest and strength. 

.

 

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Sandy, I think you posted but for some reason, it is not here. I am thinking of you as you mourn the loss of your Brother and face the hardships of your Friend, whose Daughter is ill.

Laurie, yes, I was thinking and hoping all day yesterday that the home visit went well, that they see what a good caring home is in your home. Fingers crossed, prayers spoken and energy sent. The cold is all over the place around here too, I am beginning to feel better, just slept so much better last night with medicine, and then stayed in all day and did not go venture out at all which is so unlike me, until dinner when we ate at our Kids home, 2 blocks away. So that was nice, I did a lot of homework today and even took a nap. I am off to bed now, but want to check in and see how everyone is tonight. I will continue to hope for the very best outcome from the department of children adn services.

Dianne, yes, your Little Grand Girl may like skating too. They probably ahve some good rinks up north where they are. My Son and Daughter and I used to watch ice skating all the time, I remember when Denise Bielman did a spin with her leg pulled back behind her and it has been termed the Bielman spin since. I think Erica was 4 back then and had already been skating for a couple of years.  So amazing. No, I am not thinking competition either, just confidence building as new skills allow for all sorts of strengths to be built upon. Sounds like you have a natural dancer in your Grandgirl. How lovely that she responds to music as she does.

Jean, it is important to feel enjoyment in a day...I am so glad that you had that feeling  with your family.

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I am hanging in there. The wife is about the sane with her MS. I also have a new grand daughter my daughter had 03/17/16 Olivia is her name she is so cute and smart. My sons best friends got married and now have a son and he is so cute also. 

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22528022_1426095240760321_1354277704778189263_n.jpgGrand daughter

22885885_1438540469515798_3716481191453744495_n.jpgDaughter and grand daughter

0912 098.JPGMy sons daughter and my dog

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Kate, murderize was a word by Daffy Duck or Elmer Fudd...love those old shows. Three stooges later took murderize as well.

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TBear--------Good to see your post. Thanks for all the beautiful pics.

 

Jean-----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son, Wesley. You are very welcome to this site,

although, we know that it is one that no parent ever wants to be a part of. At this site, everyone understands the 

pain of losing a beloved child, and all the sorrow and the roller coaster ride that it takes us

on.  Please just come back, and read/post as you want to. 

 

Dee-----I do so hope that your cold is subsiding by now.  I  know, from my experience, that these

upper respiratory colds/coughs are a bear to get rid of.....they seem so persistent....despite all out methods

of fighting them.  My husband has had his cold (or whatever it is) for over a month now.  Last May,

the one I had lasted that long too......even with antibiotics.  I guess rest, and lots of fluids is about

the best we can do.  Take care.

 

Tina-----I agree.  The pain you are feeling is often when the shock effect on our minds is beginning to

drop away,  and the stark reality sets in without the shock buffer.  Please try to take care of yourself,

and come here to tell us how you are.  While words are not always helpful,  just know that we are

here for you, and are walking with you.

PEACE   TO   ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

  

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Ted, I have always loved the name Olivia. How precious can she be? I love the pictures that you shared. Who is the dog? Your Granddaughter's? I really hope that you are able to spend a lot of time with your kids. I'm sorry that your wife is still struggling so. I know that tomorrow is a special...oh so special day in your heart. We are holding you close.  

Dee, thanks...typical... I knew I had heard it somewhere. I loved hearing about the skating lesson. Sounds as if you may have a future Olympian in your family. So glad to hear you took a day to self care. Hope it made a significant difference.

Off to watch The Voice. Love to ALL,

Kate 

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