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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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I didn't say anything to her. Just went on with going over to her computer to see what she was talking about. I took offense in beginning but I was only 2 weeks in. I didn't say anything at that time either. 

Things also feel different. Not sure how to explain. Little things stop me dead in my tracks. I was doing crafts and watching Netflix. I head a heart monitor and then flat line. I looked up and thought, that's what they heard with my girl. But then realized, I think she was already gone before any machines were hooked up. The next night, I saw a white sheet... you know what happens. I thought, that was my girl. Then pushed the thought out because they wouldn't let us see her that way. I got to see her with the sheet already pulled down. These things didn't cross my mind before. Just starting to pop in. I suppose little bits at a time so I don't totally lose it. I do still go back to that gawd awful morning.

I read something today that said to turn my grief over to God that way I can be happy again. I don't want to be happy again. I was grieving hard about every week. At least once or twice a good cry. I haven't done that in about a month or so. I feel it building inside again. I must look awful (hardly any sleep) because people ask how im doing. They've asked before but it seems different. Some just come to my desk and ask. I appreciate it. Just feels different. I guess everything feels different. 

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Margo----So glad to hear that you are recovering from your surgery. Thanks for

the lovely pics of your beautiful pottery.

Susan-----Great Halloween pics.....and thanks, as usual, for the screen shots.

Love their graphics, and the inspiring words they say.

Georgina----I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. the Compassionate friends

retreat will be a nice break where you can talk to others who understand. Yes...the 

feeling of missing our dear children never goes away.

Leah---Good to see your posts.  Bless little JaBoa in heaven.

Becky---thanks for the video of your pet parrot. They are amazing birds!

Dee-----thanks for the  trick-or-treat story...so cute. Bet all the kids enjoyed

the Halloween festivities at school. 

Laurie----the story of the woman who told of her Near-Death-experience was

inspiring.  Some things are unexplainable, aren't they?

Kate----No, we haven't had any snow yet.  Many of the trees still have all their leaves.

Our Crimson King maples have shed their leaves, but other maples and oak still have

theirs. We don't get trick-or-treaters  out here......houses are way too far apart, no street

lights, and we have a lane, so they never come out here.. Not too sure of Thanksgiving

plans this year. We usually go to our daughter's but may alter our plans this year, if we

have other relatives coming in . :)

Tina----Yes, I guess that your co-worker didn't know what to say, and didn't want to say

the wrong thing.  After hearing from others on this site about some of the insensitive, and

potentially hurtful things people have said to them,......less is better, sometimes.  Peace to you.

WISHING    PEACE     AND   COMFORT  TO ALL.  

Davey&Lisasmom,......Sherry

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Mermaid Tears

Tinay.....I cannot relate to everyone....all I can tell you is that "I think"....the shock suit fits very tight the first couple or 3 years....it is a way the body and soul and spirit can protect themselves...for if we saw everything at once....well...for me....I would have had a complete physical..emotional..spiritual breakdown....I would just have things 'come to me'...for you...please just take this one day at a time.

As for 'turning your grief to God and you will be happy'....well....don't take that too seriously....there are 1,000's of words and phrases...and books and movies and manuals..and therapists..and counselors....and Doctors and pills.....and none...not one....can make you happy. For now....you just bend into your grief....it is normal to grieve..it is normal to be sad and in mourning when you have lost a child...so...be normal....cry....weep...wail....and be in deep grief. You have earned it. I think the more you honor your grief....then...later you will have a healthy kind of grief. I don't think any parent will ever get to that 'sweet kind of happy' they had before....but they can get to a healthy healing.

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Sorry All, I have read but must sleep, I want to comment but will have to wait until I get some rest, BUSY times. Love to you All.

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Hi

Well, two of those sentenced in their role in my daughter's passing broke a part of their conditions of their sentence. It's a typical one handed down, they were to be law abiding citizens for a year. One got a DUI. The other arrested for marijuana possession. What would happen typically is your suspended sentences would be revoked. Nope.....2 additional days to be spent around my daughter's birthday. 2 damn days. I did email the states attorney that handled my daughter's case and the one for the their revocation hearing asking for an explanation. And why were we not told of this revocation hearing. I would have been there to plead with the judge. Unbelievable. 

Hopefully, the states attorney in the counties where they were idiots, hand them hard sentences. They obviously learned nothing

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Becky, it did my heart good to read your post. I love Camilla Jade and I can imagine she gives you hours of enjoyment. If I lived in your household I would be walking around muttering to myself for fear of her picking up everything I was saying. :rolleyes:

Margo, I was so happy to see that you are moving forward along with your husband. So pleased that your surgery was a success and you are able to throw yourself back into your art full time. I love the pictures of the pottery that you showed us yesterday. I particularly loved the bowl with the leaves. Just lovely. We live on Lake Winnipeg outside of the town of Gimli. We have a thriving artists' community in the Interlake. Each season we hold what is called The Artists' Wave  Studio Tour. Many people that create pottery, jewellery, quilts, paintings, etc. open their studios to the public. We even have a man that makes fabulous personalized guitars. What a craftsman, and so skilled in his work. His wife and he are also musicians.

Dee, I hope you were able to get a decent sleep last night and woke up feeling refreshed. 

Lesley, to me...Thanksgiving and the full turkey dinner is what it is all about. Pumpkin pie is a must in our household. I have some friends that shifted over to pumpkin cheescake... but as nice as it is...it is not traditional. 

Tina, I agree with Susan...after a period of time you will become used to the comments of others. Some you will just shrug your shoulders at and walk away. it does get easier with time. I'm sorry that you have so much on your plate to deal with right now. I hope that you get a satisfactory answer back from the States Attorney.

Georgina, let us know how your retreat goes with Compassionate Friends. 

Wishing everyone a good day.

Kate

 

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Becky, so glad to know that you are out there...and that you have a bird that enjoys your voice and can share your voice in the future...what fun. So the eyes are not better but there is still hope it sounds like, which I send to you, hope and love.

Margo, the beauty in your creations is incredible, just lovely. I think that you have a great talent with clay, your Girl is smiling on you as you work to create beauty out of ashes.

Tina, I am sorry, the ache of injustice is maddening, but there is little we can do with law, as evidenced by many of us on this site who have locked horns in the courts, spent a multitude of dollars on lawyers and still found no justice with the system...we have to find justice in other ways: finding a good life is finding justice for your Girl because nothing will make her shine brighter than knowing that you are finding your way for yourselves. Remember though, you are still early on this road so the grief is HUGE, as Susan says and I repeat, let the grief roll over you when it does, we go under wondering if we will come up for air, but eventually we do and each time we fall beneath the weight of it all, we find some nugget, however small, to tuck into our hearts and add to our new life. I wish you a peaceful day, or at least a peaceful couple of hours, some time when you feel your Girl blessing  you from her new home.

Susan, I am sorry for the loss you spoke of. Such deep sadness we know will fall upon those closest to the person who is gone. Blessings.

 

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Kate, I did sleep well and will need all the rest I can get as I am babysitting for the kids from tomorrow until we drop the kids at school on Tuesday...I will be one tired Grammy.

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Mermaid Tears

Tinay....I apologize.....for some reason...I guess I missed your early postings....for I don't know 'what' happened to your girl....so I don't understand what hoops and loops you are having to dance to....it can get surreal at times....please 'self care'.....

Becky...I love your new birdie.....as long as you are not getting worse....you are getting better...Father Time and Mother Nature shall be your best physicians....

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And Dianne, you will see your sweet Michael again. I am holding onto both of your hands and you are in my heart.

Susan, forgot to congratulate you Houstoners for the fabulously battled win in baseball, what joy for the city as she recovers...some good news.

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Good evening all,
I have been reading every day and am blessed to belong to this group.   Things have been a bit crazy here.   We of course are still adjusting to life without my brother Randy.   We didn't see each other enough as life takes over and keeps everyone so busy, but knowing there are no more chances......  Well, you all know.   Unfortunately the pain and hurt continues on.  My best friend's daughter who was so close  to Sarah and Rachel and I is losing her battle with cancer.   She is like another daughter and her mom my best friend and it is so painful to watch them both go through what we did with Sarah.    While I want to be right beside them through it all, there are some things that need to be just for family so I step aside when I need to, But I am here for her and pray that I won't let her down when she needs me.   She was there for me with Sarah even though she didn't totally understand.      Then another close friend has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of lung cancer with poor prognosis and is not likely to be around long.   Then this week our pastor had a very serious surgery  and is not doing well.  His kidneys have completly shut down and while they are doing dialysis, he is still unresponsive and things  do not look good.         Of course this brings memories and longing for Sarah, and feels overwhelming but I am taking it one day at a time and trusting God to help me be there for my friends as I am able.      So much pain and loss.   

I do get the award this week for being the most uncoordinated person around.     Last night I took a nasty fall and hurt many parts of my body and most likely have a concussion but at least nothing is broken just alot of healing to do.   I was just moving too fast and not paying attention and I think tripped over my own two feet.    Klutzy!   And the real topper is I had just received a special mat to put beside my hubby's bed that will alert me when he gets up in the night because his balance has gotten so bad and he is starting to get up at night and I wasn't hearing him, so I bought this to hear him so he won't fall!!!!!     Poor man, he has an impaired caregiver and has no choice but to trust me:-)  

But in the midst of all the pain,  there are blessings daily, and one is my Becca sleeping here in my room tonight.    Maddie had an overnight birthday party with a friend (they are growing so fast) so it is a rare time for us to not have both of them, but Becca was loving the one on one attention.  Then tomorrow we will see Rachel's 3, Sierra, Jackson and Katie as well as Maddie.      We are truly blessed.

Well, I need to take this sore old body to bed.   Have a restful night and thanks for putting up with another rambling message from me.

Sandy

 

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Oh my goodness Sandy, first, you must take care of your injured body, and possibly head. I am klutzy too, always have been. I fall or trip quite often. I hope you heal well and that your Husband sleeps tight tonight so that you can too. I am so sorry for the terrible sadness your best friend is going through.How crazy that her Daughter is o sick the way Sarah was. I know you will be there for her, but boy, it must be hard on your heart and spirit. It seems to me Dear Sandy, that you are there for everyone around you. It is who you are. I wish you could lean a bit on my shoulder and rest. You are grieving your brother's leaving, and facing these other very difficult times in your friends' lives. I look at that giant beautiful moon and ask that you be given the strength and fortification needed to continue on in your goodness. I am glad that you have that lovely sleeping Grandgirl nearby, and that tomorrow you will see the others and your heart fills again with the kind of love that will rejuvinate and restore. I am thinking of you.

Louanne, the moon is a sliver beauty, though it swallowed my classroom these last two days and left me with crazy little humans that only looked like my students...behavior was at a low for sure. So while lovely and glowing, and lighting the way for our Angels, wow can that moon have an effect on kids.

Peaceful sleep All, you are being rocked by your Angels

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I am so mad Tonight. I am beyond pissed. My daughter is gone and I am mad. I'm furious. What do I do???   Cry. Doing that. Whaaaat. She isn't coming back to me. I'll never get to hold her. I'll never get to tell her how much she meant to me. It's so unbearable. 

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My girl is in heaven

Tinay. Anger certainly is one of the emotions that all of us go thru from time to time. It is all so unfair. Why was it our kids? Why us? Im afraid we will likely never know the answers. And if i did know i still wouldn't accept what it was. I truly believe we will get to hold our kids again someday. When i lament i havent seen my daughter in six years, my chaplain tells me that our angels dont have time measured as we do anymore. Thier time is eternity time and they will always be waiting for us. I think u r grieving as you should as painful as that maybe. U r still within the first year and that is difficult. U r not alone. We have all been where u are. I hope it helps u to know you have many arms around you here. Email me anytime if there is anything i can help u with. Hang in there tinay.

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Tina, as ineffective as it sounds: beat a pillow or a punching bag if you have it...the anger is real and anger manifests in many ways, one way is physical agitation so take it out on a pillow. Go for an exhausting run or walk, do something physical to both release the endorphins in your brain which helps us all and to relieve yourself of pent up nervous anxiety energy. Not a fix, but a strategy for help. There is no fix. This is life now, it sucks, and when we feel it is all too unbearable, we realize the others in our lives that need us, and we bear it, we find ways to bear it for them and eventually you find ways for YOU. You are being loved and watched over by your Sweet Daughter, talk to her, yell at her if need be, anger at our situations is part of this ache. If only this, and if only that is our way to beat ourselves up over and again...until one day, for a half a minute find something that makes us smile or laugh, something that makes us take note to a whole different thing, a song, a tv show, a book. If one minute is possible, well then 5 minutes are too, and eventually 30 minutes and so on...it is the process of finding your way. We have to claw our way to seeing sunlight again after so long in the dark. Hold onto us, we know.

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Read an interesting article the other day and wanted to share. A UK grandmother  grieving the loss of her two yr old grandson threw a bottle containing a message into the sea, whilst seeing friends in Turkey. Another grieving mother from Virginia who was also in Turkey found the bottle and responded to the message when she got home. The two mums and grandmother began an online friendship and believe that their two spirit children are together and had created the link to help their mums move forward with life. this highlights to me that some people come into your life for a reason not by chance. more people leave you after a bereavement but the close ones stay.

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still reading. just not much to say lately.  I am at a standstill with everything..  kind of just stuck and not going anywhere.  I know the fog will lift again one day.. just have to be patient.

The weather has been cold and we have some snow..  not ready for winter.

My heart and thoughts are with you all.  I know that there is struggling to accept the way life is.  I wish there was great advice that would make all things better, but there isn't..  Best advice is to keep coming here..  whether we share our thoughts or not there is always something here that touches the soul.

Stay warm and safe my friends.

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Up early on a Sunday due to the fact that  I am staying with my Grandies for three nights...so the sky is starting to lighten and I hope that I can keep my energy going throughout the time I am in charge. Yesterday was rainy all day so after skate lessons, we went to a small indoor and outdoor animal museum, part of the forestry department, and down to the slough to throw sticks into the water. What fun we had getting muddy. Michael's cast is off now, though he is favoring his other foot...so both of them are wondering what will we do today and its all of 6:30. Been up for an hour but never sleep well when I am caretaker. Good wishes to All. Leah, that standstill you are in is no fun and I wish I could speed the legal system along so that you could have your Senna back home. We are sending good energy your way. I know you don't like winter, but I sure hope we get some really good snowfall this year, it makes winter so much more fun for the kids and me. Plus we need the slow melt in the spring to aid our trees and add to the ground water. Finally, the Trump administration has conducted their look at Global Warming and even though Mr. Trump fired so many EPA scientists, the remaining scientists have determined that it can be said thatglobal warming is defintely due to human behaviors. Finally, the administration admits that which we have known for a long long time. Now let's see if they will reduce the admissions and pollution, quit drilling using all the fosill fuels and use what we know how to develop, solar and wind and hydro powers. Let's treat the world as the jewel it always has been.

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TearsInHeaven

Dee, I so envy you being able to not only spend quality time with your grandkids but also be able to help out your son  on overnights.  For me it means a LONG trip to Wyoming!  I know as tiring as it can be you would not trade it for the world.  Glad the little guy's cast is off.

Becky,  your parrot is a riot.  Michael's roommates (brothers) had parrot.  It only screeched and they let it walk around the house.  So many phone calls I got where he would complain to me--because they were his friends and the house was theirs---so he did not want to rock the boat.  He also had a cat so I was always worried about that. The cat was left from his girlfriend after they broke up but Michael was always an animal lover and there is no way he would have not taken care of it.  His name was Anderson (after Anderson Cooper) and after we lost Michael we asked to make arrangements to have the cat flown here.  We were told the cat had disappeared and was feared taken by a coyote.  They found his collar.

Tina, I know how those anger moments just wash over you.  I too believe that some sort of physical activity helps. I think Anger and Grief are like two muggers who come out of no where to attack you.  You feel so helpless and overwhelmed. I would walk and walk--pace really-- just to calm down. Those moments happen less frequently than they did the first year. Guess this is all part of the "new normal" we learn as we go.  When I feel overcome I have a picture of my son when we was a little boy.  He is sitting on a swing.  I picture that swing moving slowly back and forth and I have been able to use that as a trigger to put my heart back where it belongs. Sometimes though I think you need to let out what I call the "toxins of grief".

Margo, glad to hear your health is better and your recovery is doing as it should.  Also glad you and your husband have found a better connection....so many ebbs and flows in this journey.  Your art is beautiful.  It is apparent you are in a spot where you are letting your love guide your talent.

Lesley,  quite a nice story with the "message in a bottle". I wish the "close ones" I had would have stayed but unfortunately  that is not the case with me. I have  friend in Florida that I met when I was working for Texas Childrens.  He was a couple of months younger than Michael and I think we hit it off on that level.  He is a good guy with good upbringing and he calls me periodically.  He and his husband adopted a baby girl about 18 months ago and he sends baby pictures and stories.  At least I feel like I have some contact.  My old work friends used to invite me to dinner once a month but that stopped about a year ago. I just try to keep busy with projects. It is what it is and I just make the best of it.  ... hanging on to the hope that my daughter's family can get out of Wyoming and we can be closer.

Enough rambling from me,,,,,, peace and comfort to all.

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Good morning, ALL,

We had a busy day yesterday. A blizzard came through our Interlake from the Riding Mountain, Dauphin area. The wet snow fell all day leaving the roads in treacherous driving conditions. We came as close as we ever have to being killed yesterday on our way to Gimli. Some young hot shot driving a truck for a furniture company decided to pass a couple of cars that he must have felt were driving too slow. As it was almost a whiteout... he in his stupidity took a chance that there was nobody coming the other way. Well guess what? We were. It was a split hair from hitting the ditch, or a full head on. The air was blue with the language my hubby was spewing and thank heaven he waited until we got home to call the store and vent. You may ask why we went out in that kind of condition. We are used to driving winter roads and take every precaution and drive very slowly. I had an appt. for my mammogram at the Mobile Breast Clinic that comes every year to our area. I guess I should have cancelled and gone into Winnipeg at a later date. My date to meet with our son was not yesterday.... but it sure was close. 

We slept in due to the time change and sat having a cup of coffee and croissant from a french bakery in St. Boniface. I needed that fix of caffeine for sure this morning. It was  a dark roasted Indonesian coffee called Kopi (coffee) Pulau ( Other side of the Island). This morning the property is filled with deer tracks in the freshly fallen snow that made their way through during the night to our feeders looking for oiled sunflower seeds. We sat in bed looking out the windows at the trees filled with goldfinch and pine sisken.  So pretty. Now it is time to get cracking and start the business of clearing the decks of snow. I remember how our black lab loved to run in circles and eat the freshly fallen snow after the first time. It is so fluffy and white.

Dee, it sounded as if you have your hands full with the little ones. Such fun! I bet you are having the time of your life. Treasure every moment, as they grow so quickly.

Dianne and Sandy...thinking of you both. This time of the year can cause us to sink into a funk. I was so sorry to hear about your friends daughter. How sad. I will keep them all in my prayers. Dianne, what a lovely and comforting memory of Michael.

LouAnn, our son went to the football game on Friday night. They sat in temps that were frigid. He is an avid Bomber fan and catches every game he can. The weather in Alberta has been awful. They had hoped to head to the mountains to go skiing yesterday, but the roads were too icy.

Laurie, I am still absorbing the story from the other day. It give you the chills doesn't it? How beautiful.

Lesley, thank you for sharing that story with us. Clearly they were meant to meet.

Tina, hang in there. I know this is a really difficult time for you. We are here to offer our support. Take care of yourself!

Georgina, here's hoping you are starting to feel a bit better as the days pass.

Becky, I am still chuckling thinking about your parrot. 

Have a day filled with peace everyone.

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Oh what a snowy wonderland it must be Kate, though treacherous for sure...so glad that you are okay. I am also glad that your husband called the furniture store that the bad driver was from...

You are correct Kate and Dianne, it is a joyous/tiring, but never taken for granted I assure you.

Laurie's story the other day has lingered in my spirit...just another example of life after this life...

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....I so understand....when I would watch the GRANDkids....I was always....'hyper vigilant'.....I would always lose around 4 - 5 lbs......

Kate.....I am such a South Texan.....I think I would hibernate the whole time with snow like that.....here today...it is 86 degrees.....we just don't know how to drive in snow.

Leah.....since you are in a holding pattern....use that time to 'self care'....I think that inner stress does more harm than one can see....we pray for you and yours...

Dianne....I, too, keep my hands busy....it is the cheapest therapists ever !!

Well.....Thanksgiving is right around the corner.....and I know many are agonizing over the holidays that seem to stampede upon our emotions and spirits. The changing of the seasons....the coming holidays will have me looking over my shoulder and back on years past. We just can't help but do that. It seems as if our tears and hearts are in our throat...and we have to take many deep gulps and many deep breaths to keep our heads above that dark waters. We that have been on the grief journey for years....have adopted many coping skills.....I would like for you to share them. Let us know how you learned to go forward....yet honor your child.

I was watching a movie the other day...the family had a son who was killed during Desert Storm...and they had not decorated or celebrated Christmas since....their adult daughter asked them...'did you stop because you loved him more than me....or because you thought I didn't deserve to celebrate Christmas'.....quite an eye opener....

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi thank you all for your good wishes. I’m feeling so much better although still have an infection on board just can’t seem to get rid of it   

It’s  cold here today nothing like your blizzard Kate sound wonderful though  I don’t mind the cold especially on days like today when the sun is shining.

Omg just watching. another mass shooting in Texas.  I hope everyone is ok and family  I know Susan lives there.  So sad praying for everyone involved.  

Laurie I loved your story  I see ‘J’s all the time I’m holding on to these as signs I’ve stared to make a book of them.  

This is such a hard time of year for me I feel that sick dread feeling all the time.  It’s James’s birthday on the 26th.  He would of been 34this year.  I keep trying to work out but I don’t know God’s plan for me my life is so hard and I’m completely broken now forever!  Is that bad to say?  I know I still have so much to be grateful for but I miss James so much.  

God Bless have a peaceful rest of the day   Georgina xx

 

 

 

 

 

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InHeavensKeeping

I thought I’d share this. Love the lyrics and the tune.  God Bless xxx

 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Georgina...thank you for sharing that song....it speaks from many emotional levels....

I am 'heart - sick' ....and my whole mind and thought processes turn to complete fog...when there is a mass shooting.....like the one this Sunday in Texas....we live far away....but...we can live on the other side of the world and that will still turn your inner world into a shattered mess.

What sickens me...is that many will give the guy an excuse and say he is mentally sick....I think many are very aware of what they are doing...and why they are doing it...and I think they are just pure black evil. They mean to create harm and death to others. People will be running all over the place and 'try' to find the motive....that is the favorite thing to say on the news...'what was the motive'.....the motive is their INTENTION. If one wants to do harm and create a death scene....it is their intention that will lead them forward. The rain falls on the just and unjust. We small humans recoil in horror.....we feel so helpless in trying to find justice on this earth home.

Georgina....you have been so ...so sick physically.....and I think when one is sick...and hurting and cannot have one day of being normal and healthy....then the slightest emotion gets to be overwhelming. The dark gets darker....the sad gets sadder. You are dealing with physical and emotional pain. That is why you feel that life is so hard...and you feel as if you will be broken forever. We certainly do understand where those thoughts and feelings come from. Please....keep as many thoughts as you can on the blessings you have....that amazing family...your husband and those gorgeous GRANDchildren. I believe that grief can be such a silent intruder...and wipe away all that is good in front of our eyes....like being at a great feast...and starving to death. I will always and always miss my John David...miss him in small ways...and big ways...and 100 ways since Sunday....that has become a part of the fabric of my life. Some days/weeks/months I deal with it all in different ways....I never knew that there were a 1,000 shades of grief. Keep your eye on the good....and in time....you will get the balance you need.

Lesley...that song reminds me of your boy.

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Mermaid Tears

Louann....thank you for asking about the reconstruction in this part of Texas. Devastation hit from Corpus to Beaumont. Large and small towns...large and small businesses...schools and churches...infrastructure...you name it...and it was hit and hit hard. I saw on the news one morning that Team Rubicon and Janis Dead from Fox news was in my hometown of Wharton...it really got hit hard.....for now.....it will take years for the recovery....1,000's and 1,000's of homes were damaged or destroyed...I know that many are just taking it one day at a time....this is not the time or place for anything to be rebuilt in a short time.

We got a shot in the arm with the Astros winning the World Series....gives us all a great reason to come together and celebrate.....here is the latest photo of Veto....and yes....he is already and Aggie fan.....

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i just love Ed Sheeran and it's not just because he is a ginger!! His music and lyrics are awesome. His words "before I save someone else I've got to save myself" rings true. As parents we need to save ourselves too because we are still needed and relied on by others whether that be our other children, or husband/partner, or elderly parents, pets whatever. I guess we are the role models for grief, if our children see us calling a halt on life and just giving up they will learn to do that too or else resent that they are still alive but life has been stopped for them to enjoy because their sibling died. I think I am learning to hide my inner pain better when my children are around and then let it run free when they have left. I do not feel bad for enjoying time with them, Tommy would love that we can find some happiness as a family even though he is not there in body to join us. We have had a stunning moon here too, really big and close to the earth. I love its beauty but for me the moon is a painful reminder of Tommy as I used to talk to him every night with my last cigarette (I quit in 2016 after many years) and look up at the night sky knowing he was looking at them too just in a different time zone. He is still in a different time zone from me and I can briefly look at the sky but that causes bitter tears to flow. I try to reimagine the moon as a happy place with some of our children sitting on it looking at the earth like some of you do but that will always be a trigger for me. However I have managed to learn to get through some of my triggers successfully so I try and gauge my small successes instead of the failures. We will all get through this in time with effort and plain hard work and that is what keeps me going, trying for that finish line even though grieving lasts a lifetime it does not have to be pverwhelming all the time.

Here is my ginger boy, Tommy.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

All, I have been reading along. This group has been so special to me, I want to say thanks to all here. 

It actually snowed here yesterday! Enough for a snowman. 

Tina, we all have had those moments when the hard reality or yet another part of this new reality hits us full in the face, bringing us to our knees. Somehow we are moved forward day by day, propelled by the force of time. There are no words to adequately describe some of the moments and feelings one goes through....however with the gentle caring of kindred spirits we continue to walk the path together...

Sending gentle thoughts to all.

I thought it was important to post the NDE story here...It was just amazing, and my sister and I still have no idea what prompted the woman to just randomly tell my sister what she did...but it was meant to be. 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Sorry for such short snippets, we are are waiting on the home study for my grandson, Benton. I am just about over the edge on that not knowing if we will have him or not.  Our home study is on Saturday, 11/11.  I did not want to dump this  here but I am asking all here to pray, that he gets assigned to us. 

Thank you. 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie....of course we will add extra prayers for you and that adorable GRANDson.....and we can understand what stress and pressure are on your shoulders and heart....please 'self care' and with your amazing spirit....am sure you will hold on to hope and faith with both hands....we believe in you !!

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InHeavensKeeping

Susan thank you and God Bless for such caring words.  I love the phrase ‘Keep you eye on the good and you’ll find the balance’ it’s another one of your quotes I’ll cling on to, I still often quote ‘ the bitter or better and not only had one child, I had one child I loved that died’. Use this over and over. Love the baby so cute in his team shirt.  

Thank you Susan xx

lesley  beautiful photo of your red headed boy xxI love Edd too especial his last album. It’s came out when I was sick and I suddenly thought I have to ‘save myself ‘ before I can help the others.  I cry and cry because so much of what he sings about is true for me. “ I hardly see them anymore.” “And life does get me so down.”  “And all the ones that I love gone friends gone family gone.” 

laurie I will pray for a good outcome for you.  Somehow we are moved forward day by day, propelled by the force of time. There are no words to adequately describe some of the moments and feelings one goes through....however with the gentle

caring of kindred spirits we continue to walk the path together.. Thankyou gxx 

 

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Susan, I thought of you today when I heard that horrid news, I was wiht the kids soon after hearing it so cannot listen to the news with them up. I only know thatsome horrid person  decided to end the lives and terrorize so many with his gun violence! My heart sank to hear of yet another senseless mass shooting, and that the word mass shooting is a common word these days is especially saddening. How in the world do those folks ever feel sense in their lives again, when they have been attacked in church. I am sending prayers and hope to those injured and to the families of those who died. What heartache to lose people to this kind of violence. Prayers.

Laurie dear, I am sending big time prayers for you to be able to get your Grandboy, so that he is given the chance at life within a loving household and one of hope and encouragement. Oh Dear Laurie, the stress must be huge, I only hope that your viist with the people in charge see the strength and conviction of you and your family and the random and unhealthy behaviors of the Mom. Prayers.

 

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Lesley, lovely photo of your Boy, that lovely smile and orange hair, handsome as can be. I like your story about the bottle too. We find our way with the guidance of our Angels.

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80% of my classroom is coughing and wincing with the ache of a sore throat, this is me included...the kids and I got this late yesterday out of nowhere and today it has gotten worse for me, hopefully not for them but if my students are any measure of this progression, we all got it at the same time. YESTERDAY. Some kids came with fever, I sure wish that they would not do that.

Oh well, hope you all stay clear of this very fast moving virus.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....please get some Zicam....it will not cure the sore throat/coughing...but it does give the immune system a shot of zinc...also...EmergenCee....

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Lesley, thanks for sharing the picture of your son. I always like to see our kid's pics on here. 

Thanks Dee and Georgina for the prayers...

Thinking of your Georgina as you near your son's birthday this month. 

Kate, I read your story about the careless driver...glad you and Ross are okay. You might have answered this, but how far out do you live from Gimli? Is it a bit of a drive?

Becky, Good to see your post, especially of your new bird. My sister is really into birds, and has raised and rescued many. Parrots are especially smart, she has one I always like to see. You can actually take them out with you, she had a carrier for doing that. 

Devianz, your pottery pieces are beautiful, do you sell them? My daughter used to work for a lady who would go to craft shows and sell her pottery pieces. 

Dee, sorry to hear you are ill, you might try some elderberry tea for yourself, it is soothing and a great home remedy.

Dianne, I agree that keeping busy can help from sinking too low. I am trying to manage my time and try to arrange my morning hours in a way that I am focused on something. Mornings are best for me to just hit the floor running...

Sherry, how are things with you? 

Susan, thanks for sharing the pic of your smiling grandson! He is a cutie.

 

 

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My girl is in heaven

Dianne we are just like u guys. No Xmas decorations, no one comes over or drops in. Have got rid of buckets full of decor that just hold too many memories. If I ask my boys if they want a tree or anything, they just say "I don't care". Glad u were able to go to the party and see michaels friends.  I never, ever want to see Kira's friends and don't read the local paper for fear of any announcements. How far is Wyoming from you.

Georgina. Glad your feeling a bit better. Can anyone give you a hand with chores? I wish I lived close enough to come over and help. Birthdays r hard. I start to feel the pressure when I get into that month.  I totally agree I don't know what gods plan is for me. I am broken for ever too.  I don't know who I am anymore.   Guess we just have to patient and see what our role is.  

Susan. So glad you were not near the shootings.  Texas has had a lot of bad things happen this year.   Congrats on the baseball win but I am glad it is over cause they were cutting off some of my hockey games on tv.  Lol  that veto is adorable.  This probably sounds like a stupid question but I noticed on tv coverage there were like maple or oak trees.  I thought Texas was all palm trees and cactus?  Isn't it hot there all the time. Excuse my ignorance.  I love the pictures you send.  

Kate.  Wow that was a close call.  Guess your number wasn't up yet. So far we have had nice sunny fall weather with just a little bit of rain. They r calling for snow later this week so got my snow tires on today.  Everybody goes nuts when the first snow fall and there is a huge wait to get the snows on.  Just heard a b. C. Police officer was killed today in Abbotsford .  So sad.  R u and Ross watching the Canada Russia series starting tonight. It should be good. The jets r doing very well so far.  Hope your son is getting better weather in Calgary.  Sounds like it has been nasty.

Lesley. Thanks for sharing the picture of your beautiful Tommy. Such a nice looking lad and a warm smile. I still can't believe the randomness of what happened to him. Truly unbelievable.  I think u are right we have to be role models for grief. But oh that is so difficult to pull yourself up.  We have been damaged beyond repair is what it feels like to me. But we do have to try for our loved ones.  You r right it is time, effort and plain hard work to get thru. As I'm writing this on my iPad I have your tommys picture up on my phone. So here he is in my family room here in southern Ontario.  I love the pictures of everyone's angels. 

Becky love your parrot  Guess you gotta watch your language now eh? Prayers for your eye sight.  

Laurie I hope things go your way and you get your grandson. You have all my prayers. Would this be permanent total custody or r his parents still in the picture. I keep thinking about your sisters experience in the store.  Gives me hope.  Thanks and will be praying for you. 

 

Devianz so glad to hear your doing better both physically and emotionally.  You said it's like meeting a new person and really u r new people. We will never be the people we used to be. Glad your son was able to enjoy Halloween this year.  Your pottery is beautiful. You are very talented.  Do u sell it? I hope you continue the way you have. so glad to see someone taking a few steps into the light.  That represents a lot of hard work on your part.  Good for you. 

Dee.  Hope everyone is feeling better soon. Do you have flu shots there? They really push getting them up here but I don't usually bother. 

 

Sherry.  Do you have snow yet? I think your weather is similar to ours. How are things going?  Do you decorate for Xmas? Oh I guess u guys have thanksgiving in November. Isn't that when u guys have Black Friday Xmas sales? Take care

 

Tina  how are things going lately.  You have so much on your plate. I hope u r just getting thru one day at a time.  I worry so much about you watching that cd. That must be so hard on you. How is your son?  Do u work and home school.  That must be so much to do.  Is South Dakota a hot state all year or do u get snow in the winters. I will look at a map as I don't know what part of the states u are in. Give us an update of how u r doing.  

Colleen  you get winter right. I go by the young and the restless seasons so you must be the same as ontario. Have you been able to decorate since Brian's passing. I will always feel that connection as Kira and Brian share the same angel date?  R u still working?

 

 

 

 

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Dee, I hope you are feeling somewhat better this morning after a good sleep last night. This time of the year always seems to bring the flu and colds sweeping through the schools. Take care. 

Susan, that picture of Veto is precious. His smile is captivating. 

Lesley, Tommy has the exact same colouring as my James! I will say he is a little vain about his hair. Somewhat like Sam Malone from Cheers years ago. He looks in the mirror to comb it and just walks away satisfied with the way it looks already. :rolleyes:

LouAnn, it has turned into a full winter mode in our neck of the woods. We just returned from a brisk walk and found the wind quite cool. I will say it gets the heart pumping. We also had our flu shots as they were strongly recommended by our doctor. Such a sensible and safe practice to avoid the worst of it if it hits. And the fact that it is offered to everyone for free should entice more people to go that route. Did you know they offer a free pneumonia shot to everyone over 65?

Laurie, I am so glad that you shared your special news with us regarding that women and how she approached your sister. It gives such comfort to everyone to know that we are indeed separated by a thin veil. We are five miles from Gimli. It is an hour drive to Winnipeg from here and we find the trip to the city quite relaxing. Not all that much traffic compared to larger cities.

Jeff's date is quickly approaching and as Susan has mentioned in an earlier post it is a good idea for some to offer how they manage to work their way through the holidays. For me...it is the Xmas Carols that bring me to a complete stand still. Silent Night, White Christmas, Hark the Herald Angels Singing, etc. We purchased a complete new set of lights for the tree at the hospital and hope that they shine even more brightly this year. Shopping for those that could do with a little lift is always a good way to lift your spirits. Any way you look at it...everything has changed and it will never be the same again. So, we have tried to make as positive a change as we can and bring Jeff along with us through this very difficult time. 

Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a gentle and peaceful day.

Kate 

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Home again, the Kids are back in the care of their Mom and Dad and that means I am able to rest a whole lot more. I came home from school today and took a nap, needed badly. I have had no voice now for a day and a half, and while the kids did well sleeping the three nights we babysat, I simply don't sleep very well while caring for them...every little sound puts me on alert. So it was lovely being able to be with the kids through their day in and day out lives like we were: this old girl needs some rest. Teaching with laryngitis is hilarious, I write it all down on the white board, in big letters when I am yelling! The kids get a kick out of it, I am a giant pantomime performer. I get this a couple times per year, but this is with the pain of this cough and cold. I do get the flu shot each year, and this bug is not what the shot is covering, but a more serious upper respiratory that should hit a bit later in the year.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....I hope that healing sleep will give you some boost from your unfortunate spell of feeling ill.

 

Kate...thank you for sharing what helps you 'over the bridge of grief'.....I, too, think that doing something/anything for those that are not as fortunate as some....does the most good. It isn't hard to find/search for a young family that lives paycheck to paycheck....to give them some sparkle and magic at Christmas.

What I have learned....is that you don't have to win the lottery to give.....most times...some just need a new battery for their car...or some help with a car repair....(so they can get to work).....maybe a little help with the rent....here it is November....and if people really want to help themselves during the holidays deal with this kind of grief....do something in the memory of their child....for another child.

It just isn't that hard.

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I'm getting there, still mostly no voice with intermittent voice popping through. I am pooped out, want to go home now, but have more meetings. Might duck out.

I am thinking of you All who are facing an Angel Date or Birthdate soon...just hang on to us and know that if we found our steps, so will you.

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Mermaid Tears

thankful for the memories...and photos...and kept birthday cards....the last one from John David...

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Susan, is this your birthday today? Many happy returns. How could we have known at the time that our child handed us those cards that they would be one of the only tangible things left that we could actually hold in our hand. Our memories are precious of each and every special occasion. John David clearly loved you very much.

Dee, how goes the cold? Were you able to catch that nap after school today? How are the others in your class getting along? Self care this evening and take it easy.

Lesley, you must be so proud of your Tommy. What a good looking young man he was. Do your other children resemble him at all?

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What a sweet Boy that John David will always be...If today is your Birthday Susan, then know that I am toasting you with my cup of tea and honey.

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Hello to all  INDIGOS.

Kate------Wow...that was some snowstorm.  Sorry to hear about your near accident,

and am so glad that no one was hurt. We had a close call about a year ago or so.

We were coming back from a visit to my mom when she was in the nursing home.

My husband was driving, and we stopped behind a couple cars at a red light at a

busy intersection.  All of a sudden a dump truck comes flying up on the passenger

side of our car....very close....not more than a couple feet from the car.  I looked

over in shock, and the truck kept going about 50 ft. more before coming to a stop. 

I opened the window, and shouted at the young guy driving,  asking what happened.

He mumbled something about the brakes.  We believe that he fell asleep, because

he had stopped just before a large sign and gas meter enclosure.  We were very

shaken up because we had visions (later on) of being rear-ended as our dear Davey

was.  Quite scary.   Glad that you & your husband were spared a collision.  We have

not had snow yet.  Getting colder during days & nights, but have had a lovely fall. Your

coffee and pastries sound heavenly.

 

Georgina-----Yes....I agree.   We can be thankful for blessings, but still will always

miss our dear children who left us too soon.   Hope you are feeling better. Oh....

thanks for the Ed Sheeran song.  Love his voice, and the song is beautiful.

 

Susan-----I, too, was sick to hear of the terrible massacre at the Texas church.  So

sad......those people dying.....even children.  It takes an evil mind to coldly  look a little

kid ( or anyone) in the eye and just shoot them.  Thanks for posting the message on the card that

dear John David gave to you.  I have a collection of cards that Davey gave to me.  He

always seemed to choose the ones with the  sweetest messages. They truly are

the treasures we hold onto. 

Lesley-----thanks for the nice pic of your 'ginger boy' Tommy.  Such a handsome   

young guy.

Laurie-----Oh, I'm doing ok......thanks for asking.  I have my 'aches & pains'......but

I guess we all do.     Sending prayers that things work out for you.

Dee-------Yep...little ones are a delight, but one can get a bit exhausted after awhile.

I'm sure they  (and you) enjoyed  their 3 days with you.. Yes.....the virus seems to be

getting a good foothold around here too.  Heard of quite a few people getting it.  I've

had a little of it, and my husband has been battling it for a few weeks.  Your teaching

while having laryngitis is funny....especially the huge letters when you mean business!

So funny.:DCorn harvesting is going on right now, so dust in the air...bad enough

for allergies to act up.

 

Dianne-----How are you doing?

LouAnne-----No, we have not had any snow yet, but it can't be too far off.  Nights are

getting quite cold.  I know just what you mean about not wanting to see things in the

newspaper about Kira's friends . It takes a long time .....and maybe never, as you say.

It can be so painful to see events where the friends are moving on with their lives.

I never go out shopping for Black Friday.....(they start earlier & earlier each year it seems).:o

Too crazy, and the traffic is so bad because of the larger shopping areas are all concentrated

in a couple areas.  No bargain is worth it to me.  I'll stay home and take it easy.

PEACE   TO   ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

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Sherry, so good to see you. I'll bet it is quite a scene with the corn dust in the air as the machines pick the corn and the other machines take the plants up. Yes, tonight it is to get down to the low 30's, freeze tonight. i will be glad for it, perhaps some of the mold from the leaves will be knocked out and alleviate the allergens. Who knows? This cold is a bear...it does not want to relent. I coughed for hours last night and I cannot sleep while that goes on so I am tired. Oh well, hopefully I will be on the healthier side of this soon. Yes, you are right the time with the kids was delightful and exhausting all at once. I would not trade it for anything! What will you do for Thanksgiving? Will your Daughter and Grandboys come over?

 

Kate, still coughing and teaching as best I can. Pain in the neck. Literally.

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Mermaid Tears

Yes...it was my 71st birthday a couple of days ago.....am blessed...I so love the handmade cards the kids created over the years....when I was going to have my 30th birthday...there is always many comments about turning 30....well...I guess John David heard them and really didn't understand what some people think turning 30 is such a milestone....he created a card saying...'Mom...just because you are going to be 30..I will love you.'

I had a surprise visit from 'one' of my boys....he is now a Freshman at University of Texas...and he got a scholarship to play football...he is a massive boy....but he has grown up in my home....(like many others).....he is best friends with Hunter Bear....he loved chocolate chip cookies....and if I wasn't here....he knows his way around my kitchen/home so well...he would bake them himself. He is the first to go to college in his family. He was raised by his Dad....his Mom has never..ever been in the picture. I never asked any questions....for as we all know...children never has the answers. He has always had an 'eloquence' of him...I told him he reminded me of Sidney Poitier....and he was born with it...I also told him this scholarship was his 'ticket'...to study hard and when he graduates...he will have an amazing future. He has recently been accepted into the Moody Communications school at U of T.....he and I send texts...especially before games...he is always nervous....and he is suiting up his Freshman year. There he is in his U of T shirt...and I am in my Aggie shirt.....

and yes Kate...there are rewards for being a Mama Hoarder...

Sherry....I gather you live in the 'country'....how quiet that must be. I must live in town....to be near my apartment complex...it is so easy to run and get that forgotten loaf of bread or gallon of milk....I would really have to re-train my shopping habits if I lived in the country. But I think to be away from traffic and sounds...and many neighbors...and lights....it must be very serene.

 

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