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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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louann whatever you feel is best if you are not sure then put things back in the box and decide next year. Donating is always a good idea sometimes it is a good idea to start new traditions or get new decorations because you need t o try and make a fresh start. Your other kids still deserve Xmas and special family occasions they do not want to feel deprived because their sister is not there. It is so hard sweetie I get it, but we have to really try for our other kids to normalise our new lives. It makes us move on and shakes us out of the loop you get stuck in after bereavement. I try really hard to try and make evrything good for my kids and seeing them happy makes me happy and gives us new memories. of course I have my teary times and they understand that but life now is about them and celebrating their successes and acheivements and relationships and jobs and university etc. I have absolutely not forgotten about my Tommy and desperately wish he could be with us but that is out of my control so by keeping my family happy I know I have his blessing. He will be grinning away up there somewhere saying "good for you Mum, I'm proud of how you are coping." Louann you and your hubby are doing really well take it up another notch your girl would be so proud of you.

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TearsInHeaven

Louanne, was that Santa something special for Kira?  Then I would keep it.  But if it is hard for you you need to do what works for you.  We do not put up Christmas decorations.  No one comes over.  No one just drops in.  Tim and I just lost a lot of the desire to go through the work.  We gave away our trees, threw away the lights--they are outdated with the LED technology.  This summer I asked my daughter if she had any interest in any of my decorations otherwise I was donating.  I donated alot already but kept the tree decorations.  She asked me to keep them for her so I did--- in a plastic tub (s) in the basement should we ever be able to live closer.  We don't see each other for the holidays because the Wyoming weather is so precarious we just cannot travel at that time.  I did keep a stone nativity that I used to put on Michael's dresser from the time he was little. We actually went to a "Christmas" party that some of his friends organized.  It was hard but I felt I needed to try to do that for him.  I survived is all I can say. Handle what you can and remember that your boys may need Christmas connections also.  

Dee, so cute the story of the first skating lesson.  Even I used to skate---not very well but it was a kid thing in my neighborhood.  My husband was a whiz on skates. He and his friends used to rent ice time up at Notre Dame and go up there to play against others.  He also coached an inter-school team of high school boys for a local (Illinois-Indiana) league.  Michael asked for skates when he was about 8 and went off with friends and taught himself.  My brother used to skate with Dennis Hull (former Blackhawk-brother to Bobby) when he taught at IIT.  I hope little Erica's enjoyment of the sport grows. 

Kate, thanks for sharing about your older son.   I worry about how Heather is really doing because she never really says.  

Leah, Tina, hope you are doing okay.

Lesley, just read your post and that is so true about other kids to normalize their lives moving forward. Like Susan said about what her daughter felt.

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Mermaid Tears

There are now 1,000's of parents that can walk in these parents shoes...can identify with every word....we don't have to hoard our grief...there is plenty to share...I know I have lost a son....but..still my heart breaks for all those young beautiful persons...and their families....

this was shared on FB by one of my friends....

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Wow Susan, that was powerful indeed. Thank you.

None of us knew Louanne, thank heavens for that. For knowing would have prevented living in those moments. Those are moments we loved while living them, and can love them again as memory.

 

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Hello to all INDIGOS.

LouAnn------Loved your story of the little birds who visited your porch....also the peace you

felt when petting Lilly,   Kira's cat.  Pets are such a comfort.  I remember shortly after  davey

passed, I was alone in the house, and having a meltdown.....crying & wailing, really, lying on the

couch. Our pet cat, Brownie,  came over to me, sat next to the couch, and purred.....just as your

Lily did.  Somehow, I felt a bit better.  Animals seem to have a sense of when their owners are sad & down.

You are right.......stores seem to start the holidays sooner & sooner every year.  I remember when this

happened to me.....in a store....I heard "Jingle Bells" playing quite loudly......It was the day after Labor Day,

this past Sept.  I thought that was a bit much !   :huh:

 

Laurie-----Sending prayers for your sister's husband.  I must have been really 'grounding' as a kid......I

went barefoot a lot.

 

Georgina-------How are you?     Sending prayers.

 

Lesley----Thanks for the great screen shots.  I really love reading their message. I'm not too teck

savvy, so don't know the procedure of searching them out, and posting them, so really like seeing them

when friends on BI post them. they say what's in the heart, so well.

 

Susan----thanks for the lovely pic of Tay and Veto.  He sure is growing, and that is a lovely pic to hold onto.

 

Kate-----Yes......the holidays are especially painful in the early times after the loss of a beloved child.  Each

person who suffers this loss must go at their own pace to deal with all the trappings of the holidays, and when

to ease back into it.  It takes time......I agree.

 

Dee------so glad little Erica did so well at her first experience at ice skating.  I remember you saying that your

class adopts a family to help each holiday season.  Such a nice thing to do.  I tried ice skating once......was 

just terrible at it. :(    Yesterday,    I picked the last of the fall lettuce & romaine that my husband planted.  It

was still very fresh & crisp.

 

Dianne-------Thinking of you, as the  3rd anniversary of Michael's  passing approaches.  The first 3 yrs.

are so hard and sorrowful......they are times when the heart is still suffering the shock, and feeling lonely.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

PEACE   TO   ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom......sherry

 

 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Sherry...I always look forward to your posts.....5 years ago....when I was on my first year of the grief journey....your sweet words of encouragement...hope...help...really touched me.....and they still do.....you are such a beautiful person....I am so grateful you stayed on this site for so many years to help.....and care for us....thank you.

 

Nothing can separate a Mother from her child....

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

All, I have been reading along.

Susan, loved the pic of your grandson...great photo. Do you know of the documentary on grounding from Amazon that you could post? If not, is all okay.

Dee, the ice skate practice sure brought back memories. There are not too many indoor ice rinks left.

On Christmas, I know for many years that my mom did not celebrate Christmas after my sister passed. We just did a small gift exchange and a dinner. We were okay with that.

With myself, it has been pretty much the same, a nice dinner and a gift exchange. 

I doubt I will ever do a tree again. However, as with many things in the grief journey, whatever works the best for you and your family is what you should do. I have a friend who is a Messianic Christian, so she does not celebrate any of the traditional American holidays but follows the Jewish Holidays instead. We just recently joined them in a Sukkot festival. It was enjoyable and was a learning experience. It is a holiday celebrated in the fall by traditional jews.  One thing a person does is to build a tent or sukkot outside. This is to represent how the Jewish nation traveled through the desert before reaching the promised land. I have posted an example below of a tent or sukkot that is used. (I wish I had the picture of my friend's sukkot, she was able to sleep in hers as she constructed it with durable materials). Her and I had a  spiritual discussion of meaning of sukkot . I believe it eludes to our sojourn upon the earth until we leave for our true home,  taken from the bible, "For we know that if the earthly tabernacle we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands."...

That was the verse that Obama used when he delivered the address to the Connecticut school shooting to bring comfort to the parents there. Somehow it seemed fitting to take part in this Jewish holiday this year. 

 We have also joined our other friends in celebration of Hannukuh, which is in December. Something to consider as alternatives. 
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Dianne, thinking of you as you near Michael's Angel date later this month.

 

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It has been a haunting weekend for me.  I imagine the stress of what is going on with my daughter and grandchildren play a big part.  Eleven years ago this Saturday I had the big Halloween party for my grandkids, in which Sena, JaBoa, their mom, and my mom came to.  My brain has been full of the last conversations with my beautiful 10 year old grand daughter.  Most frightening is the remembering the sunday after when she told me something was killing her...  it keeps echoing in my head.. and the morning scene of getting everybody ready to go meet my daughter had left even before the party.  I was to drop them off..  I did drop them off..  I remember the hug.. the kiss.. the joys I was feeling...   along with the fear that gripped me not half an hour later when my heart knew something was wrong..  11 years ago today I got my last hug.. my last kiss..  the last day of not being broken.  So strange how I knew something was wrong..  so painful in finding out exactly what it was that broke my heart even before I knew it was broken continued pain throughout the last 11 years.. one little life that touched so many gone in an instant..  

Things are so unsettled here..  still nothing in getting Sena..  I tried to call my grandson but nobody ever answers.. and then we have my daughter who is so wrapped up in her life that I don't know what her future will bring.  Sadly truth is she is on her own.. My fears are for Sena.. and how she will come out of this month..  she should have been here by now...  and today of all days she isn't going to get to be with family..  social workers are to busy..  her mom and brother are going to the gravesite..  wish I could go but I don't drive that far and nobody free to take me.  Once a awhile I see Sena on facebook.. and her biggest fears are that JaBoa isn't proud of her.  I told her with JaBoa's heart.. she is extremely proud of her little sister..  she has gone through so much in her little life..  I told her that her ability to get through it all is cause JaBoa walks with her..  she keeps us strong.. and on the right path...   

I have been reading.. my brain isn't grasping a lot right now..  I thank everybody for their thoughts and sharing of pictures and stories.. I love to read them.. and I should get my thoughts in order again soon.  I feel old today..  and very alone..   I still celebrate my girls life..  don't care who sees me cry.. and if they don't like it tough....  they will get over it..   

I know I will make it through this hard spot..   we seem to always make it..   I really miss her..  miss knowing what the future might have been..  she would be 21..  I just really love her

a picture of my girls  Sena and JaBoa the summer before the accident

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Leah, holding you close as you struggle with your situation. I read every day... and while I may not always post... my heart and thoughts are with you all.

Laurie, what a lovely picture and my eyes were of course drawn to the flowers. I agree that we can take part in celebrating the special events with our friends and families. Jeff went through a period of soul searching. At one point he started to visit a Buddhist Temple. He encouraged some of his friends to join him. I do know that that period of his life was very important to him.

The weather outside is frightful and the snow is NOT delightful! Old man winter arrived with a vengeance last night. We woke up this morning to stiff winds from the north and snow covering everything. Not too great for the little ones tomorrow night. I mean...how do you get a costume over a snow parka? They are actually calling for -8C on Wednesday. 

Wishing you all peace as you start another week.

Kate:)

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TearsInHeaven

JaBoa- on this difficult day know that you are thought of and remembered.  Bring your angel wings to hold your grandmother and sister.  They need your heavenly energy.

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Mermaid Tears

Leah.....you have had a lot on your plate of life here lately....and once again....all of us want to remind you to 'self care'....and on this day that can wrack you with memories going back to that day....we want you to know how all of us are thinking of you....wishing we all lived down the street...and could gather for a cup of coffee...and just be together. There simply are no magic words to make it all 'ok'....but I do know your girl is 'somewhere'. Let this truth that we simply do not have super human control..only super human love...and that love has an energy that never...ever goes away.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Leah, Sending gentle thoughts today as you are missing your JaBoa. 

 

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leah thinking of you today especially. There are always tough tearful times even years on from the loss and random things that spark you off on memory lane and sadness. That is ok, it is normal, it is human, it is reality.

mermaid tears I love your quotes thank you. I find meaning and thoughtfulness and self discovery. it is strange that a picture and a few words can encompass a whole lot of feelings, yet make you realise there is a personal message in them for so many of us. We are all at different stages yet we are all so similar because we have been there too or still have that bit yet to come.

louann why not ask your kids what they would like to do to celebrate the holidays? They may come up with some ideas to help you all move forward and not be stuck in the darkness of loss. I buy Tommy an ornament for our tree or have one made, just something that lets him know he is still remembered and loved and I put it on the tree for him. I also buy one for each kid to have when they have their own trees. It is hard when they grow up and become adults letting them fly the nest and live their own lives when you want to just gather them in your arms and keep them with you at home forever. because of my divorce in 2006 every other year I do not have any of my kids for Xmas and it really hurts. They come down for a couple days before the holiday and we celebrate then but it is just not the same as seeing their faces when we do our traditions and watching them open their presents on the actual holiday itself. I have Xmas with my parents and sister and sometimes nephew and we toast everyone past and present at our lunch but inside I am breaking. Especially as my ex husband does not seem to care if he has them or not seems preoccupied with making his wife and stepdaughter happy and doing what he wants to do. he never misses an opportunity to hurt me and knows the only way he can do that is with our children by cutting short the holiday time allotted or making them choose. Whatever, I am still here right? children deserve to have both parents in their lives unless there is a good reason ie for their safety etc and I try and not feel angry when plans are changed or time spent with my kids is disrupted by his demands. I know it is because they are afraid to say "No" to him in case he does not want to see them again, but I also know they love him. he loves them too but in a totally different way as he always thinks of himself first and I always put the kids first. We all parent differently and I have to stand back and think that at least my kids get to see both types of parenting and choices which will make them more rounded when they become parents themselves. We have to let them grow up and live in different cities or even countries, have holidays with other sets of parents and become adults as they are only lent to us for a short while before they forge ahead on their own. My son had 4 wisdom teeth removed in hospital yesterday and is coming home for the rest of the week which is awesome. He is doing ok on strong meds but I think he will be a bit lonely by himself while he recovers as his gf is away. Anyway I love the idea of looking after him a bit and seeing him for a few days!

I have responded to a couple more newbies and encouraged them to join us as I know from personal experience how fortunate we all are to have this bond together.

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I want to thank you all for being here..

Kate.. I know you have so much going on in your life and your never out of my heart.. I always think of you and Ross 

Dianne, Susan, Laurie, Leslie and Louann.. I know your lives are busy as well.. I do appreciate the thought and the messages..I loves them all.. especially about the one being alone and all we need to do is look beside us and our friends are there..  your all there and I can't tell you what it means to me. 

I didn't realize how broke a person is after 11 years still..  I spent the day trying to assure the grands that JaBoa loved them.. loves them..   Some couldn't say anything.. one the closest to her age.. was really upset cause she is forgetting..  I had to dig into my brain and tell her the things the two girls used to do.. and she seemed better once she could remember.. she was the same age as JaBoa.   Sena posted that she had a renewed closeness to her sister.. I hope she holds on to that.  That her sister is with her and wants her to continue being strong..  I feel so bad for her and the roller coaster of emotions she is on.  Reading what was posted on siblings and their relationships.  JaBoa was at a stage in her relationship with her then 4 year old sister where they fought a lot.. and sadly.. that is what Sena remembers   I had to remember through the fights was always the making up and the big sister taking care of her.. and being proud to be a big sister

I hate tonight...   used to love Halloween.  Somebody asked me to host a party and I can't.  Not since the last one I had with JaBoa.  I fake it thorugh the rest of the holidays.. but have been terrible with this one.  I feel bad for my son, I always sent him with various family members because I couldn't do it.  Not til the last two years.  I figured I was cheating us out of memories.  I took him to the last 2 haunted houses.. and for treats..  Today he says he is a big enough boy he just wants to sit home..  I am glad for that.

I do hope the skies are clear tonight and I can watch that moon.. watch  Dee's Erica ( she has always been the angel on the moon) ..  Lesley's Kira.. my JaBoa...  I really do strain to see what my babies told me they could see...  I want to see ALL of the angels.. I want to watch them dance.

I thank you again for being here.. let me feel my sadness..  it will pass.. I know I am strong..  I hope you are all doing well...  holidays are so tough and now they come on us fast and strong.   It is really hard to find your footing and make them good for family members here while we have our thoughts of Angels that aren't here physically any more.  I close my eyes.. and she is here...   just wish I knew how to make everybody feel it..

I am going off into ramble land again..  Take care..  you are all awesome.. and our angels are very loved.. forever

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JaBoa, please know that you will never be forgotten and you will always be loved...we actually know you know this, but we want your Sweet Grammy to know that we hold you along with all of our Angels in our loving and very full hearts. Your Gramma and Sister need you to sweep into the day today, let them feel your presence like the strong warmth you have always been to those who know you best. That beautiful smile shining out reminding us that no matter when or how long, our Children will always be our Children.

 

Leah, to you on this very hard day. Know that she holds you with her ever-loving heart the way you hold her.

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Real Life Angels

Build bridges instead of walls

Don't play hide and seek with the truth

and they don't have hidden agendas.

Tend to be the only ones who know what you are going through

If they sense you are hurting

they do whatever they can to help you.

Understand difficulties

and always give the benefit of the doubt.

Don't hold others up to standards they can't live by themselves.

Are what "inner beauty" is all about.

Don't hold things against you,

The only thing they hold ,,,is you.

Take your hand in theirs

when you could use a little assurance.

Walk beside you when you could do with a little guidance and direction in your life.

Support you in your attempts to do what is right.

Multiply your smiles and add to your integrity.

Make you feel like

"Hey, I really am somebody who matters."

Then they quietly prove to you how beautiful and true that feeling really is.

 

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My girl is in heaven

Kate. Beautiful poem and oh so true .  U can keep the snow, we don't have any yet.  Jets have been doing good.

well went thru 2 buckets of Halloween decor and costumes today. First time since Kira's gone. Sure enough her Minnie Mouse, witch and scarecrow costumes all still there.  I could picture her in every one of them. And a happy Halloween sign she had made in 2005.  Do I give to my boys, but what if they bring their kids over some day in them, that would be devastating. Send out to good will.. but I couldn't bear to do that either. After much agonizing decided to put them in the buckets with her clothes.  I guess I can count that as another step I've made, dealing with her hallowween costumes.   I find that everything as a bereaved parent is hard. The simpliest things right up to the really big things and everything in between.  Everything is Something just to "get thru" with a trail of heart breaking memories attached to it.  It is so hard to live without your child.  

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Lou Ann, the snow was just a dusting... but it is cold for this time of the year. Looks as if we are going to get more of the white stuff during the week. Such a shame as it makes it hard for the little ones tonight. I am looking forward to hearing about my little ones in Calgary this evening. Can't wait to see their costumes. 

I was looking through the obits many years ago and cut out an obit of a person that I knew. I turned over the piece of paper and saw that written on the back. Despite the years that have passed and the fact that the paper is yellowed with age and torn around the edges the sentiments are the same. 

My heart reaches out to the families of those killed today in New York. May they rest in peace and their families take comfort in the support of those around them.

Leah, sending warm wishes and prayers for good resolution to your situation.

Georgina, how have you been doing? Becky how are your eyes? 

 

 

 

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi sorry I haven’t been here. I’m slowly recovering feeling so much better thankyou for your prayers and good wishes. Still under the consultant still in pain but he thinks it’s the trauma of the operation that’s causing me problems now and that I just need time to recover.  

I read all the posts and they keep me going as I continually struggle on this journey  I miss James so much and yearn to hold him in my arms again.  We’re going to The Compassionate Friends retreat again this year  I long to be with others that understand and have walked and are walking in our shoes.  It’s eases my heart and mind to be able to talk about James openly. 

God Bless Praying for all in NY Georgina xx

 

 

 

 

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Leah thinking of you today and JaBoa God Bless xxxxxx

 

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Kate, a beautiful poem thanks so much. Did you write it? Lovely. I echo your concerns for those NEW YORKERS killed by hate today, killed by a hatred born of some idiology that is not religion but hides as though it is...we must remember that the Muslim population is not a violent one, but instead very peace loving humans. Sadness fills my heart as the news covers the horror that was brought today...Please Lord and All of our Angels, please help us somehow combat this horror with our peaceful hearts.

Georgina, I am thrilled ot see you today, it means you are much better, this is good news. We have missed you. Do as the doctors wish now in order to get better. I am glad that you are going to the CF gathering again this year...it is the place where you can be just YOU! and never apologize for it, there and here with us.

I am pooped and green-faced as a witch all day, time to scrub in the shower and put my very tired feet up.

Peace, oh how we need to feel peace.

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Mermaid Tears

1,000's of memories of Halloween.....1,000's of blessings that I have them...

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1000 blessings for the memories of sweet times, I so agree. Erica loved Halloween, loved the whole idea of it. I am so glad that she got to enjoy as many of them as she did. The first year that we had Halloween without Erica, she pushed her way into the day in various ways. I got in my car dressed as Charlie Brown, shirt shorts, brown tie shoes, and a bag of rocks, this way, I could keep saying Good Grief, because the only good grief there is, is grief you are free to be open about, which I was/am. So I got in my car but it was so smelly in there, just really a bad smell. It was rainy too. I could not figure out the smell so went into school and told the kids that we were likely going to parade indoors with all of the rain. JUst as we were lining up to parade, a big burst of sun shone through the clouds onto my line of kids in the hallway, windows were lit with dancing raindrops in the sun, the parade got to be outdoors after all...and one of my students said when the sun burst through...that is Erica isn't it? I said I felt she was in the house! When I got back in my car at the end of the school day, that smell was so strong and then it hit me...Trick or Treat, Smell my Feet! The smell was like really bad foot odor, which Erica was known to have...and the next day, the odor was gone, Halloween was over. There she was, and in each year, a sense of her here with us. Yesterday we trick or treated with the Grandies after a  day here at school...it was so nice to be with them as they are at ages now that really appreciate the whole idea of Halloween. I was very tired by the time we went around the block and went home ot make dinner and relax.

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Dee, Kate, Georgina.. thank you for your special thought..

loved the poem Kate.. soul touching

Georgina.. glad to hear that you are recovering.. sorry it is so slow..  I still keep you in my thoughts and prayers

Dee.. wow.. what a Halloween that was   makes me smile..   

It was an uneventful day yesterday which was fine with me.. only two trick or treaters..  but I didn't turn my light on.

It is cold and snow is expected again tomorrow..  so not ready for winter.. but we have no choice in that either.

Hope everybody is well.. thinking of you all..  

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Mermaid Tears

I wonder when I will get 'too' old to decorate for Halloween....my decorations this year.....we only had a few trick-r-treaters this year....eeks...lots of rain and thunder.....

 

Our little spook..Wyatt John..showing off the pumpkin he helped to carve....

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Susan, great looking decorations.. love the picture of Wyatt John and the pumpkin.. he looks so happy!

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georgina and mermaidtears love those screen shots.

kate that poem was incredible

dee I echo that comment, peace we all need peace. You rest up and take it easy. As for the NY incident it is a singular action by a very small group of radicalists and is by no means a representation of a religion, or culture. The majority of Muslims are good law abiding people and we need to be sensible and rational human beings and not be swayed by the press who are very one sided.

Halloween was sad. I miss all the excitement and preparation we used to do when we lived in the USA. We loved carving pumpkins, decorating and buying candy to give out. I used to go to my friends house and give out candy when my guys were too old to trick or treat anymore and loved seeing the little faces and costumes. In the UK it is not a big holiday and trick or treating is not common. Some years I get one most years no one comes. This year i was chatting to my neighbour and saw 3 little ones in the street. I called out happy halloween to them and oferred them candy they were so surprised as it is not usual to do that. Holidays just are not the same are they?

 

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That Wyatt James is one good-looking Kiddo. Love his Jack-o-lantern. I also love your variety of pumpkins, the shells and crab are adorable.

Just heard some very sad news...our lawyer, the man who took our case on when Erica was killed, lost his adult Son to suicide. He just reached out this morning to me, his Son died last winter. I am so sad that he and his wife have to know this very terrible pain. I am asking for hope and prayers to be sent to the wind for Jim and Dianne.

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Mermaid Tears

I loved your Halloween Eri story....I do believe our memories tie our child to us....sorry to hear of another parent that has to be on the grief journey....

Just heard this morning...my cousin, Janice, lost her husband 2 months ago....she lost her only son just yesterday....she will need all the prayers of care to help and support her.

Thank you for the compliments....now...we have Thanksgiving ahead....

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My girl is in heaven

Dee. Prayers to your friends. We all know the journey they have ahead of them. U r such a good teacher dressing up at halloween and teaching them about helping others at Christmas. I bet u are making mark on them they will carry for a life time. I can honestly say i never had one good teacher either in public or high school. I always thought because we were such a small town (400) away out in the country we just got the teachers no other school wanted. And you didnt question anything a teacher said or did back then. I remember one poor boy who had to sit and pee his pants cause she wouldnt let him go to the bathroom. He was so embarrassed. If u got caugjt chewing gum she would stick it on the blackboard high enough you had to stand on your tip toes and stick your nose in it. And stay there. That was the grade 4 teacher. She was the worst. We were all so scared of her. I think i already told u once my friend and i picked some dandelions and took them to her door. She said she didnt want them and closed the door on us. We were so terriblt hurt. Your kids will remember you for being good and kind and how to treat others. That grade 4 teacher died of cancer a few years ago. I thought there were probably hundreds of kids recalling all the mean things she did. I heard her daughter grew up with a lot of psychological problems. I cant imagine what kind of a mother she was. Your kids r lucky to have you.

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My girl is in heaven

Susan. Lovely pictures. Thanks for sharing
Is wyatt john your grandson.? Do u get snow in Texas or is it hot all year around? You must have a ice rink for the dallas stars? Is the clean up done yet from hurrican? Please send kind regards to your cousin for her losses. So sad to have lost son as well. How old was he

Kate. How did the grandkids do last night? Bet they had fun. How old r they? I only had 20-25 kids. No snow so far here.

Lesley. Yes halloween sad. Memories of ones past or what would have been. I packed kiras Halloween costumes away yesterday with her clothes bucket. But i made another step as small as it was.

Georgina. Hope u are getting lots of rest right now. Leave the work to others. U have had a very turbulent year but hopefully the worst is behind.


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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

My sister Valarie was just at the Catholic store at the Holy Hill Basilica Wi. I had sent her there to pick up some rosaries for both of the grandchildren. She was at the shop and was not certain which to buy so she called me for advice.

I then had her turn over her phone over to the salesperson there so I could speak directly with them about what I wanted to buy.

As I was talking with the salesperson on the phone, a woman approached my sister who was still looking through the rosaries.

This lady started to talk to my sister about the near death experience she had. This person had a code blue and was floating above her body. While she was above her body watching everyone work on her, her deceased son came to her. 

This conversation was totally unsought, and my sister does not know this person. We don't even know what prompted the conversation. Maybe divine intervention. My sister just called me now to tell me what happened. 

It is also a Wednesday, which is the day of the week Jesse left. It is always hard, this day. 

Angels are at work.

 

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My girl is in heaven

Laurie.  Wow.....my heart is pounding too.  Amazing that she saw her son.  Gives us all some hope.  Thanks for sharing that.  

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Laurie, I got the chills when I read your post. God does indeed work in mysterious ways. What a beautiful experience and how comforting for his mother. You know what I thought of when I read it.

Dee, I always love reading your posts as you recall those special times with your girl. Just love the smelly feet story. Typical teenage thing to do! Did you have many children at your door last night? How did the grandies get along?

Susan, your home looks so inviting when you decorate it so nicely. Wyatt John looks like a real sweetheart that was really into the whole event.  

Georgina, I am glad to hear that the worst is behind you and now the healing begins. Take extra special care of yourself. The CF meeting should be a great comfort for you. I am sure that it will be so supportive to be with others that will let you just be yourself. Not long after Jeff died I had a woman rap on my door that invited me to join their group in the city. She had lost both of her children due to a genetic illness. They were in their twenties and it was heartbreaking for her I know. One had just graduated from medical school. Just starting out as a freshly minted doctor. Five years later the other son also died. I, unfortunately...declined. I was so new to this at the time and I only wanted to cocoon and be left to try to understand what had happened. Had a little more time elapsed I most likely would have accepted.

Lou Ann, the girls had an awesome time last night. However it was a mixture of rain mixed with snow pellets in Calgary and so it was a quick trip down the street. One went out as a reindeer and the other was dressed as a caribou. The look of excitement and glee on their faces said it all!  One is six and the other is eight. They are my pride and joy. We were set up for any kids showing up... but as we are in a fairly remote and private area we did not have any kids come to the door. It was a very cool and damp night. We always buy candy and stuff that we give away in the end. Ross likes to dig into the cache himself from time to time during the evening.:rolleyes:

Lesley, I remember when our son lived in Dublin he told us that there were a few occasions that were not celebrated in Britain. The first year he was there he asked me to send a couple of large tins of pumpkin over to make a couple of pies. He decided to put on a traditional North American Thanksgiving for all of his neighbours. The meal was a hit with the exception of the pies.  I gather it is an acquired taste. One that I have come to appreciate. Unfortunately!

Sherry, have you had any snow yet? Do you usually host Thanksgiving at your home? 

Tina, how are things with you.

Leah, as always...sending my love.

Sandy and Dianne, thinking of you.

Sending warm wishes to ALL for a night filled with peace and comfort.

Kate

 

 

 

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TearsInHeaven

Kate, thanks for thinking of me.  

Dee, Laurie, both of your stories make my heart flip.  I am a believer but sometimes the doubts hit like a brick wall.  Stories like that just give you a renewed sense of comfort and peace.  Dee, you are a teacher your kids will remember. Michael had a 7th grade teacher who came to his service after it being 24 years ---but she was that kind of person.  Me, I remember my 3rd grade teacher who always told me I must be  Krushchev's niece (my father's family was Russian) so the kids made fum of me for most of my childhood..

Susan, you have a creative edge with your decorations.  Very nice.  Wyatt John is a cutie.

Georgina, glad to see you again and glad to hear you are on the mend.

We had about 150 kids last night--sometimes we have had as many as 600!. Weather was cold. I personally was never a Halloween fan.  My daughter was 4 before she participated (only because she was in preschool) but I have to say I have fond memories of making costumes for two of them one year, Heather was M&M Plain and Michael was M&M Peanut.  Oh the things that come as memories out of the blue.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, sending prayers for your lawyers family with the loss of their son.

Susan, gentle thoughts and prayers for your cousin. 

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Thanks for the good energy to my friends for their sadness. Heartache, it is pure heartache.

Yes, Laurie, that story is amazing. Am I right that this is not the first time someone came to your sister and spilled a story without provocation? Maybe I am thinking of someone else, but it seems you and your Sis have had contact like this. Wow.

My Halloween stories... I have a bunch, some are very sad, like the year that Erica and her buddy Melissa ended up at a party where a teenager brought a gun...played russian roulette, Eri and Liss were in the bathroom putting on more makeup for their costumes...the gun went off, the boy who's apartment they visited was dead, they saw him, they were just talking to him and then he was gone. Such a sad time. She was definitely affected by that experience. I felt like it ripped some of her childhood away, she was 15, was not supposed to be at an 18 year old's apartment, but was. Then there was the time while she was in 2nd grade and she wanted to be a table. A TABLE! I worried that my Girl wanted to be an inanimate object, but she had great fun as a table, and I laugh every time I picture her up and down the steps of the homes...She makes me smile everyday.

Thanks for your confidence in me as a teacher...I have had a good career of it...I do stay in contact with many of my former students, I hope to always do that, be there for them when they need or want. They grew my heart in new directions when I became a teacher.

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We had quite a crowd at the door last evening, not as much as other years as it was cold. We went trick or treating first with the Grandies, which was dear...Lights were out at 7:00 so trick/treaters knew we were closed up for the night. Now it is raining and it is predicted to continue throughout the night and into tomorrow.

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It was nice to see everyone Trick or Treating this year. It was always Nathan's favourite holiday and he loved to decorate for it. Last year we didn't do anything, but this year my youngest son wanted to get dressed up and go trick or treating with his new little girlfriend. It's good to see him getting back to some normalcy and improving his grades and his circle of friends. They did trick-or-treating in two different towns this year, donating the candy to the Soldiers Angels program instead of keeping it all themselves. It's good to see that his hearts in the right place.

Things are getting back on track with my husband as well, and honestly they might even be getting better than we were before Nathan's death.  He is getting some help himself (which is awesome) and I've been working out and pulling myself together in several areas so I am generally getting better too. We are going for walks in the early morning to kick-start the day and we spend that time talking about our plans for the day or unresolved emotions. It's like meeting a new person and I'm just getting to know him. He says the same of me, and is applauding my changes as I make them. We finally feel less alone and more like we are in each others corner, so to speak.

After my surgery it was rough for a few weeks, then I rounded a corner and I have more energy and no pain like I used to. I work out every day with aerobics in the morning and weights during my lunch period and now I am back at work full time in the office. It feels really good to be getting more done. I've been purging rooms in the house, cleaning up and getting rid of things we no longer need that were cluttering up our lives. That feels really good every time I take another garbage bag full of things to Goodwill or to different charities. I donated all the old kids art supplies (crayons, construction paper, scissors for little hands, paint, glue, glitter etc.) to the local YMCA here that has a child care center. They are always looking for donations because they mostly serve lower income families and the don't get a lot of funding. Winter Coats, Boots, Hats and Mittens went to the local shelters winter coat drive, and it just feels so good to know those things will get some good use instead of just sitting in my house.

I'm also in the studio a lot these days, making and making and making. I'm usually there at least 6 hours a day on the weekends and on Monday and Wednesday nights. I'm really excited about my work and it's nice to be involved in the clay community more. I do have setbacks and bad days, and I think about Nathan a lot but I don't feel like he would want me to be sad all the time so I am trying to fill my life with kindness and positive activities as much as possible.

The trial has been pushed to April or May of next year, which is really hard but we have no control over that. On one hand I want it over with, on the other I want them to take their time to lessen the chance of appeals or technicalities. He deserves to spend the rest of his life in jail.

Georgina,

It's good to see you, and I'm glad you are doing better. I was keeping you in my thoughts. I'm happy to hear that you are going to the CF retreat, I've heard wonderful things and hope you find some light and peace during your trip.

Dee,

It sounds like you had fun with your kids at school. Playing a witch is fun, I am sure that Erica was smiling down at you! I loved your poems by the way. So much emotion in them. Will send my thoughts of hope to Jim and Dianne.

Susan,

I will keep your cousin Janice in my thoughts, grace and light to you and your family.

Kate,

That poem was really beautiful. I love to read poetry and write some as well. I am glad you shared it with us.

Dianne,

I had the same experience, we were putting together a costume for my youngest son and went through the old halloween costume box in the basement and so many memories came flooding back of Nathan and of the two boys together trick-or-treating. Siblings have it hard on days like that, because they are witnesses in each others lives so often and now there is a missing spot. I could see my son going through memories in his head as well and he leaned down and gave me a solid hug.

Lesley,

Holidays are certainly different in different places.  Here in the US, Halloween is a pretty big deal and you'll see a lot of children going door to door ringing bells and shouting "Trick or Treat". I especially love the little children in their cute costumes that don't know what to make of the holiday. Do you have any holidays that you really enjoy?

Laurie,

That is really amazing and makes you really think about the connections humans have. Often we ignore our gut instinct to talk to someone because they are "strangers" but it's funny how many inroads and connections you can make just by opening yourself up to conversations. What a lovely occurance.

Louann,

It's good to see you and hope you are doing well.

I'm attaching some photos of my current studio work. I've been busy.

 

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Devianz, your pieces are amazing.

I had a co-worker come up to me yesterday, she's an older lady, she asked if I was getting happier. I just said not really and it will take a while. She said, well and we talked about what she needed help with. Some back history, when I returned to work, she came up to me and said she was sorry for my loss and that we weren't going to talk about it. At the time I thought maybe she had gone through someone similar. Now, I just think she didn't know what to say and still doesn't. 

Well, off to work. Sending love and prayers

Tina

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Mermaid Tears

We have jubilation and celebration.....Houston and a huge area in Texas stretching from Corpus ...to Beaumont...and all in between suffered decimating flood damage...now....we are hugging each other....feel so amazing....our Astros won the World Series.....lots of nights staying up 'way' beyond our normal bedtimes...hearts beating fast....I just wish my Mom and Dad could have been with me/us to savor this victory.....our part of the world needed this....

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JD's Mom, Becky

Hi group! I wanted to share a video link to my new parrot, Camilla Jade, who is learning to talk at not quite six months of age. She really keeps me entertained!

 I hope you enjoy! She has my laugh down pat! Just think, she'll live til about 60, long after I'm gone, my daughter will hear my voice! 

I went yesterday to the new eye doctor for another shot, alternating eyes every two weeks. So far I don't see any difference, but hope to.

Prayers to all mentioned here that are newly bereaved. Such a hard journey.

More later, so very blurry!

Love to all, 

Becky

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Mermaid Tears

Devianz....great news hearing how well your recovery is going after surgery....and a pat on the back to you for letting the healing and recovery to be such positives in your life...I am also very happy to hear that you and your husband are finding new ways in which to come together and rebuild your relationship after losing your Nathan. After we lost John David...my husband and I were like bumper cars in the night....we would 'bump' into each other and then bump away...not being able to touch each other's pain...and the greater pain...not being able to form words to cover our grief. His role had always been the 'fixer'....he could fix broken hearts and broken cars for the kids....and he would move heaven and earth to fix anything that was giving me a problem. But...in this....he was crippled in not being able to fix our grief. He felt helpless and hopeless. I found that although we have loving and caring people all around us....90% of the grief journey is ours to travel. We find our way....3 steps up....4 steps back.....falling down....staying down for awhile or many days....getting back up...facing that day break every morning with our grief. In time....we see a tiny little light in that dark...and we struggle to survive. I think cleaning out the clutter is therapeutic...and for some odd reason....I have started doing the same. Must be something in the air. I so love your creations/art.....I have never attempted pottery...but anything that keeps the hands busy and the creative juices flowing will give us healing and great satisfaction. I have always had the instincts that Father Time and Mother Nature will be our best physicians.

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Mermaid Tears

Oh Laurie.....how amazing was that encounter....how it will stay with me forever.....yes....our child is 'somewhere'....

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mermaidtears your house looked amazing I do wish the Halloweens we used to have in the USA. Nice pumpkin and your wyatt is soo cute! So sorry for your cousin losses are so hard especially when there is more than one they will need all the strength they can be offerred to make it through. What an outcome for the Astros! I love when teams come out on top after never winning before it is so exciting. Just not the same when the same old teams win year after year.

louann you are still making steps forward so keep it up.

laurie experiences that cannot be explained are so comforting a glimpse of the other side or a message, lovely.

kate I love pumpkin pie! I usually make one for my kids at xmas as they work through Thanksgiving because that is an American tradition and obviously is not celebrated here. When I moved to the States I adopted all the holidays and way of life to integrate into the culture, my two youngest are American born and my eldest daughter took the citizenship test before we left.

dee I laughed at the smelly feet tale! Not all signs are beautiful but are still meaningful and welcomed. Being a teacher is such an important job and so hard to do with all the staff shortages and education cuts and not well paid either. It is strange that sports players and commentators etc, TV actors, movie actors etc are all so overpaid when the important jobs like the forces, doctors nurses and all in their field, the emergency services, teachers and child care providers are paid so much less even though their jobs are far more important and actually contribute to the future. You have mentioned that horrific russian roulette story before still makes me shudder. I am sure that had a major impact on all the kids that were there and it was so wrong.

georgina your pottery is incredible and so beautiful your talent and love for the art shows clearly. I like that you are exploring with shape and curves it must be so therapeutic to mould a lifeless lump of clay into a colourful useful and artistic piece. What a healing hobby making something come alive. I am glad you and your husband are reconnecting and rediscovering each other. Death of a child often causes major rifts sometimes ending in divorce simply because of an inability to share feelings that can overtake a person totally. men are not always willing to talk or get therapy maybe because it does not seem manly or because they feel as head of the family they should fix everyone else and therefore neglect themselves.

tina there are a lot of people who dont know what to say but want to let you know they are thinking of you. It was nice of her to come up to you. i think we have all lost friends because they dont understand how we feel or lose patience with us because we struggle to find joy again.

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Mermaid Tears

Tinay.....just be kind and forgiving....there are 1,000's of people in your world that simply don't know how to relate....sometimes can not even relate socially in any level. Just remember she is not a part of your inner circle...and should not cause you any concern. I do understand when one is deep in grief...one can offend without any intentions.

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