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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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devianz I am so sorry your marriage is faltering it must be so scary and sad. everyone does grieve differently and sometimes leaving things unsaid because they are too painful or you feel stupid sharing thoughts that may sound crazy, can affect relationships. we all know that we are forever changed after losing a much loved child so having two people altered can certainly disrupt the balance of a marriage. couples counselling seems like a good idea it is definitely worth a shot and there is the chance of two life partners reconciling together. i wish you luck. Give yourself time in your studio creating and doing things that nurture your soul ok?

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My girl is in heaven

Laurie.  Please know I'm sending prayers and good wishes your way today.  Jessie Davids 5 year angel date will bring back many memories but I hope u can hold onto more of the good than the bad ones. I hope Jessie David leaves you a few gentle signs to show his mama he is ok where he is. Angel dates can be very draining on the body and soul. One breath at a time today my friend, one breath at a time.  Take care.  

 

 

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Laurie, as you travel this long day, know that your steps are joined by ours, we march along finding our lives, piece by piece. Know too, that on your shoulder, closest to your heart, there rides Jesse, riding shotgun with you through all of the days. May you feel him extra today...

 

Jesse Sweet Man, Bless your Momma and your whole Family with your special brand of love: Jesse love. You are deeply missed as you know, so please leave signs like bread crumbs letting your Family know that you are with them in all things.

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Laurie, thinking of you today as you remember that special young man of yours. May he fill your heart with smiles and love as you recall the special memories he left behind. I will always remember the smile he brought to my face when I saw him hugging that huge cactus tree! 

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We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Thanks to all for your very nice wishes. The weather continues to be fantastic. The trees are just spectacular and I agree with Dee in that it must be the dryness that is causing such intense shades. Breathtaking! 

Love to all, Kate :)

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laurie.. mayb you feel your angel close to you today... we are all thinking of you..  

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Laurie you are held close by your friends here and your precious boy is remembered by us all. It is another year gone by and hopefully a bit more healing is underway for your family.

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Louanne, thanks for asking about my daughter.  I don't talk much to her, she is in jail and I can't afford the calls.  Nothing has been settled yet.  I know she is going crazy with this time of year as JaBoa's passing date is coming soon.  I know it is just really upsetting my granddaughter, I can just feel the sadness in her texts.  None of the grandkids do very well this time of year, the granddaughter that is JaBoa's age takes it to heart each year, she feels guilty for all she has and remembers all the dreams her and her cousin had...   There is a meeting on Thursday via phone with CPS concerning both children, I just have really bad feelings about it..  I hope it just my pessimistic mind.

Georgina, thinking of you, I hope your feeling better.

Dee.. so sorry to hear about the little ones.  It is so hard when they get sick.

The nights are cold here and days are nice.. I wish the winter would go that way but I know that just isn't going to happen.  I love to watch the trees.. they are holding fast to their beautiful color..  but soon enough I know they will fall.

Thinking of everybody tonight..  thinking also of the fires in California..   just seems like something is always happening..  

 

 

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My dear friends,

Margo, relationships can be strained normally, but add the death to f a child and everything is multiplied.  Be kind to yourself and your spouse.  Do and say kind things and take it from their.  Marriages are worth saving.

Tommy's mom, your words continues to be spot-on.  You do have a way with communication.

Tomorrow, Scott, my husband and I leave for Hawaii.  Five nights on the big island. We are taking some of Brian's ashes and putting them in the Pacific Ocean.  My boy will be everywhere.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever

 

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Hello Friends,

Today was my Andy's birthday. He would have been 29, which I simply can't fathom. To me he'll always be 22. I decorated his grave and I think it looks quite festive. Hope he enjoyed it. I just wanted to share this precious picture of him many years ago on his birthday. The joy in his eyes is what I like to think he feels every day now.  Sending love to you all.

Pam

Andy's Mom

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, sitting

 

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Pam, what a precious picture..  I hope you felt Andy all around you yesterday..  and everyday..  Heavenly Birthday wishes late...  they are a difficult time..  thinking of you and wishing you continued strength.

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Pam, sending loving wishes for a day filled with many beautiful memories of your darling boy. I love the birthday picture. He face is filled with such glee and happiness. 

Colleen, we will be with you in thought as you spread Brian's ashes over the water. 

Georgina, Tina, thinking of you.

Leah,  is your lung infection starting to clear up? 

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andysmom hope your day remembering former happy birthdays with your boy give you a liitle ray of happiness today although it is also such a sad day too. It is kind of difficult to celebrate but know he is still with you all the time.

colleen I hope you enjoy your time in Hawaii and scatter a piece of Brian in the ocean. He will love the beauty of that place and i hope also it brings you some comfort. My Tommy loved living in Oahu and one day if I ever ever get the money i would love to go there and visit places that he loved and some of his friends over there also the Johnson family with whom he lived. We scattered my son over a high cliff into the ocean in a cove in Cornwall the next county to us here in the UK which is what my other children wanted, but i have my special place more locally where I spend time with him when I need to. I know our spirit children are with us wherever we go watching over us, they are everywhere and all around like the wind.

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Mermaid Tears

Sweet Laurie.....sorry I am a day late....we went to Matagorda....thought of you almost all day.....and what this date means to me.....how connected we are with all the 'dates'....

I hope the day opened up for you...and that you let it have it's way with you.....I know you led your family with honest courage...but also....honest grief....letting yourself and family find loving ways to honor that boy.....all is well.

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Happy Birthday ANDY Sweetie. Handsome Boy/Man. Sweet smile in your Mom's heart and a day that made her life feel like a gift. It was you. It is you.

 

Colleen, have a wonderful trip and a may Brian let you know that he loves being with you in Hawaii.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dianne, Lesley, Leah, Kate, Dee, Susan, Lou Anne, thank you for the wishes for Jesse's Angel Date. It was quiet this one, a little less intense than the last angel dates. We put out 3 dozen roses on his site. Thank you for the remembrances. Below is one of the pics a mom made for me last year.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Colleen, sending you well wishes on this trip to Hawaii...and on your special remembrance for your Brian.

Pam, remembering your Andy on his birthday in Heaven. 

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie....am glad you found peace....and had that quiet sacred time to share with Jesse....you and I have shared this grief journey...both of us are in the 5th year....we shared crazy thinking...foggy thinking...dismal days...weeks...months...years....falling down...getting up....both you and I took it one day at a time...learning how to lead our family...our boy's siblings...through this dark and exhausting grief. I am giving you a hug...pat on the back...applause for you....for all that you have been through..and still standing...still surviving.

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Kate, I am feeling better..  very happy with it.  I hate the congested breathing.  All my life I have had some sort of lung problems and am so very glad I never smoked.  Hope your enjoying the fall..  we are in a bit of a cold spell but supposed to warm up next week.  I hope it does, I am not ready to give up my walking outside yet.

Colleen I hope you and your husband have a wonderful time in Hawaii hoping your Brian is felt all around you in your love.

I know marriages take a hit with loss.  Mine is pretty much over except for the paperwork.  I can't afford a divorce, he is pretty much gone, though does come back to visit often.  Our boy is mostly here with me.  He sees his dad as somebody different as well.  I am better friends with the man than wife..  today would be our 16th anniversary if we celebrated..  Not sure what the road holds but I know I have to keep getting better, I still have to much to do.  My weight loss has really slowed down, the dr told me last visit she hoped it would.  She told me I was at a year mark for my age and it only has been half a year...  I don't want it to slow..  I am still 196 lbs.  so it is 108 that I have lost total ( a little more if you count the year before)  I am happy with it.. happy with many things and thankful because I know things could be worse for me.  

This month is not going to be a great one, today I meet via phone with the CPS for group meeting concerning my grandchildren.  I am worried of the outcome, never have liked these meetings.  Afraid if I rock the boat to much I will risk not getting my Sena back home.  I have also heard my daughter got out of jail yesterday, she hasn't called here yet, so I don't know what she will contribute to the meeting.  I hate the unknown.

Wishing everybody a nice day.. thinking and praying for all...  and prayers for the rest of the world

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Leah, understandably nervous today with the call you are going to have. Hold tight to the truth, and let them know that YOU alone have been the most stable piece of Sena's life. She needs to have that stability as she lives her teen years...we don't want a teen to suddenly find themselves without family involved. I wish you all the luck with that on top of the hardships of OCTOBER for you all. JaBoa is walking along with you, trying to keep you motivated to get healthier and rid your life of those who bring it down. Easier said than done I know, but heck, she knows what a port in her storm you always have been and wants you to continue for those you love. Prayers for you to 'keep on keepin on'.

Well the Cubs lost last evening in Chicago and so they are in Washington for the next game, if they win, they will have clinched the division...we'll see. I do love the CUBS, they make people happy even when they are losing, the whole atmosphere at a CUBS game is joyous.

My Grandson has a bright pink cast on his leg, he got to pick the color and no matter what, Michael loves PINK! So he has pink and looks so proud of it. Now he can heal and today will start to walk on his cast.

 

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Mermaid Tears

Leah.....I can understand the dread in facing that meeting....but....please remind yourself what you bring to that meeting. A heart full of care and love for your family. Am so proud of you for losing all that weight....please keep on doing what you are doing.

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Thank you Dee and Susan.. I really appreciate the words of wisdom you give to me...   

Susan.. thank you.. weight loss is tough.. I used to think gastric bypass was a piece of cake.. but it is hard not to eat once there are foods that agree and you still tell yourself your hungry.. I am going to try to do my best.. I would like to lose at least 36 more pounds  I would still be overweight and (still like to lose more) but I guess only time will tell

Dee :-) love it that Michael has likes his pink.. my boy is 14 and thinks pink is cool.. he drives the pink race car.. and wears pink shirts (ones says that a real man isn't afraid to wear pink) and always wear the breast cancer wrist band....  bought a pink calculator for school along with various pink items .. his father isn't happy that pink is his color but guess that is tough..  our son is secure  and he still likes girls.. although even if he didn't it would be alright.. I love that boy with all my heart

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi thank you all for thinking of me and wishing me well. I unfortunately had to go back into hospital I was so ill I just couldn’t cope was in a viscous circle because I couldn’t keep any medication down so high temperatures and just getting sicker and sicker. I’m still in pain but feeling better. 

Its my mums funeral next Wednesday.  Going to be extremely hard for us all as it’s at the same crematorium that we had James’s. So hard I feel so anxious. 

Laurie I am so so sorry I missed Jesse David’s anniversary I hope you felt him by your side and whispering in your ear “I’m here right beside you “. God Bless xx

Thank you once again my much cherished understanding family Georgina xxx

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Georgina, I am glad your starting to feel better, I hope that they get the meds sorted to keep doing you the best.

My heart is with you as you prepare for your mom's funeral.  I had to do the same 2 years ago and it was extremely hard, especially while being sick.  My heart goes with you and pray you stay strong alone with your family.

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georgina my heart goes out to you having to plan another funeral it must be so hard. i am still not ok seeing coffins on the tv in programmes and do not feel I could attend another funeral as I am still too raw. Thankfully I have so far been spared having to attend one although my aunt is very unwell with cancer that is terminal. She is having a birthday surprise family afternoon tea in dec which I will go to and see her. I hope your health improves all this additional upset and stress must make you feel worse.

rlolheiser do you feel comfortable sharing your first name please? I do not have a good memory for names so sometimes I have to type in the screen name but it is nice to be on a first name or nickname basis. I have memory difficulties after the overdose. There is a selection you can add to your profile so it always comes up on posts but if you prefer the anonymity I understand. just feel it connects us all. Sending you strength with the meetings ahead of you and hope there is a good outcome for your grandbabies. I hope your daughter connects with you soon too. She is probably very ashamed of herself and knows she has let all of her family down but addiction has a tenacious grip on its victims so it cannot be easy.

dee a pink cast how ultra cool is that? Love that your little man has a favourite colour and wants to show it off. I may choose pink for my next cast too!

 

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Dianne, Lesley, Susan, and Dee.. thank you so much for caring.  The meetings were tough.  I know that unless I go to court I won't get the custody of my grandson, and after what happened a couple years ago, I don't know if I can even try.  They paint a picture of him being happy..  but he is still my guy...   last time when he was here a couple weeks ago, he told me that he didn't want to be with the people who had him and wanted to stay here with us.  As for Sena, I think I might get her, but her father also put in a claim.  I know she didn't want to go with him, I am not sure what to hope . or do..   He is strange.. he wants the custody so he can give her to me to take care of.  I don't understand...   anyway tomorrow I have a home inspection from my county to make sure my house is alright.  I have had three of these before, but the paperwork says I have to do it again.  I will do whatever.

Lesley, I am sorry I forget to sign my name which is Leah to the posts, I tried to make it on my profile so we will see if it works

Have a good night everyone.. heading for bed soon... tuckered out 

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Mermaid Tears

Georgina.....you will really need some healing time....REAL time to heal.....you are in such a circle of care and love with your amazing family.....bask in their support. Remember only you can give yourself some time out for healing.

Dee....I love his 'pink'....pink is power. The color in sunrise and sunsets. I think...(????)...someone told me years ago that Hallmark made the distinction of pink for girls..and blue for boys.....ages ago....babies only wore white. Hope he adjusts....little ones do heal very fast.

Dianne....geez....you did have some kidney problems....aren't they the worst ? How is the situation with your daughter and family being transferred ? Keep praying and crossing our fingers.....

Leah....you have left no stone unturned....please get some of that healthy rest....

I know some of you love the Fall....my DNA is just wired for summer....sigh.....but this was John David's favorite time of the year...Dove/Duck/Deer hunting and football....

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Dianne, I have been so busy at school that I probably forgot to let you all know that a bone in Michael's leg is fractured. Thanks All for thinking of him and wishing him well. Dianne, wow, 15 kidney stones? Goodness. I didn't know you suffered so with sepsis and in the hospital for many days. When was that? I am glad that you got through that and can pass that encouragement on to Georgina. I am going to bed not knowing how either team fares tonight. Go CUBS and HAWKS.

Going to bed, busy school day tomorrow. Well everyday really. My students were real troopers today and yesterday as I had them writing and writing some more...great stories and poetry about leaves and personifying them by writing from a leaf's point of view. Fabulous.

Deep sleep all

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Good evening all.  Randy's funeral was today.    In our family there is always family drama going on, and today was no different.     Don't know if other family's deal with any goofy family members at times like this or if we are just odd ducks.     Of course I am becoming more and more a loner and prefer times  to myself, so maybe that is why some of the silliness people get upset about irritate me.   However he was laid to rest and I miss him.  Of course it brought back memories of others we have lost over the past several years.  I am very exhausted tonight an so will chat more tomorrow.  Have a good night and thank you all for your kind worders and your prayers.

Sanudy

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Hi all,. I know it's been a while. I'm just trying to keep my head above water. I keep my self busy as to not think so much. Last weekend I spent the night at a gf's. Wasn't the plan but much needed. She lost her bf about 3 months after I lost kiona. We cried, talked, cried...got too late to call my son, Grayson btw is his name, he had to work in am. He was worried I know. But I needed it. 

Homeschooling, well that he drives himself. I work full-time so I give him what subjects he needs to do and he does them. It's a combination of things, he got sick and missed almost all of 7th grade. And then bullying. So he is happy with homeschooling. 

Other than that, not much has changed. Increasing stress at work but it is what it is.  

I, for some reason went over to my daughter's things this am. I have her favorite earrings in a dish. I noticed one was gone and an angel statute was tipped off on to the floor. I looked for that earring for as long as I could. I was late for work. I couldn't find it. Kitty must know I'm not happy, she is cuddling up at my feet. Grayson said she probably ate it (it's a wooden flower tunnel type). I told him, I'll skin her. I won't, but I'll be fervently looking for it this weekend. Maybe I'll look some more after this. 

My sleep schedule is all screwed up. I was a night owl before but dang...with having Tuesday's off, I was up till 4:45 Monday night/Tuesday morning. That doesn't play well when I try and go to bed earlier Tuesday night. 

I still do not believe she is gone. 7 months on the 21st. Which I took the whole weekend off as it is Grayson's 17th birthday on the 21st. I'm not sure how either of us will do. 

Well I think that is long enough. Wishing everyone a peaceful night. Everyone is in my prayers. Know that even though I don't talk much, you all are in my prayers and heart.

Tina

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Tina, I am happy to hear you got to spend time with a friend, and sharing memories is  a blessing.  I know it is a bittersweet one, but I always like to think my JaBoa is right around the corner listening to us revel in her life..  I always enjoy sharing stories and memories.

Homeschooling is tough, I did it for my oldest daughter in her freshman year of school.  I was attending college and finding the time to help her and instruct was tough, but we did it.  She onl lasted a year with it.  She had some problems that made it hard to attend public school.  She did drop out, but glad to say she went back for her GED.

Dee sounds like some interesting papers.  I love stories from children, I saved so many from my own and the grandkids.  I love going through my memory box and reading back on them.  As they got older I gave some of the stuff to them for their own memory box and was sad to learn much of it never got saved.  I try not to be a hoarder but I do hold on to stuff always hoping that they will want it.  Hope you had a good rest.

Sandy, glad to hear your hanging in there, you have been in my thoughts.  I hope you are taking care of you.  I know it is a hard time your going through, wish we could make this walk with you..

Susan, thinking of you.. hope summer steals some days from your fall.  We are supposed to get 70 degree weather next week.. for ND  that is about summer :-)  You say it nicer about people than I do...  I have just come up with the fact that I can't deal with stupid anymore.  I know it isn't the nicest thing to say about others, but they bring it out in me.

Well.. time to get cleaning in the house, it isn't real messy, just cluttered.  I don't use the dining room or living room so it has become a catch all for so much stuff over the years.  Sena's bedroom (there are 2 she has used) both are clean.  just in need of her belongings.

Thinking of you all

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sandy thinking of you, it is kind of strange that family drama pops up even on a day set aside for a special person. Seems a bit self centred doesn't it? I know there is another thread on here for losing a sibling which may help you a bit because each loss is different due to the specific relationship ie Mom dad sister grandma etc. We will always support you here.

leah thanks for sharing your name it makes us all a bit closer i think.

Trying to accept Fall as it is not my fave time of year and nor is winter, too dull too cold too dark and my garden slowly fades away which makes me sad. I do buy myself some cheap flowers for inside my house from time to time coz i feel I deserve it! One thing I do like is that some of the American shows I love watching start up again with new seasons. I am a huge fan of Chicago PD, Med and Fire, code Black and Deadliest Catch,Big Bang Theory and a couple others. so I can snuggle up on my sofa and catch up with my fave characters.1e650984338213a9f865c0f63e78600a--friend-quotes-family-and-friends-quotes.jpg.764b208f606efa75038764bfead7bbbd.jpg4b9ba426c5c6134b152a7205aea75df3--change-is-good-quotes-about-change.jpg.a2927d27975efc4829e1063459d60b5b.jpg

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JESSE  DAVID------SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU.......ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

Laurie----Am sorry I missed dear Jesse David's Angel Day.  May your precious golden memories

 of your son,  bring a smile, and comfort to your heart. 

 

Devianz----I agree....when we lose our children,  it seems as though there is absolutely

no control or rhyme or reason anymore.  Slowly.....with small steps, we hope to gain

some semblance of the new life that we are thrust into.  I'm sorry for your troubles

with your marriage.  Sending  thoughts & prayers.

 

Laurie------I just love the graphic that you posted for Jesse's Angel Day.  It's beautiful.

 

Kate----So glad that you had a nice thanksgiving.  Always nice when the weather holds

out and offers a lovely & colorful fall season.

 

Leah-----You are doing so many things to regain your health, and it must not be

all easy with all the troubles you have had......especially in October, but you are

sticking with it and seeing results.   I pray that Sena will be coming back to you,

and hope that the authorities will have the good sense to see that she will thrive

and feel love being in your care.  Peace.

 

Dee------Hope that little Erica is feeling better now.  Also.....Michael must be very

proud of his pink cast.  Hope that he recovers soon from his broken bone.  Well,  our

Cleveland Indians lost to the Yankees, so they are done for the season.  Yes,  the CUBS

seem to generate a lot of enthusiasm with all their fans....win or lose.:)    I canned

tomatoes today, so am tired, but now have restocked the pantry for winter soup-making.

 

Lesley-----Yes, fall & winter tend to be cold & dull.  It's good that you have done the

little things like adding the flowers, and taking in your favorite t.v. programs to brighten

up the gloomy times.  I do the same, and have plenty or books on hand to read, and to

watch the programs I like.  Makes the time go by easier. 

 

WISHING    PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sandy Dear, i know that you miss your Brother. Did Randy live nearby? OH, you know what? My family is terrible in situations like yours...I have two brothers, one that I see maybe twice a year, the other I no longer see as he is a druggie and did nothing when he knew our nephew was doing heroin, and in fact, he was going to my brother's to do his drugs. When my nephew then ripped off my brother's girlfriend of her pain killers, well all hell broke loose and from there he just was no longer welcome in my home, which I only saw him maybe twice a year as well, due to the fact that I don't want to be around his drugs. So, when my 'father' and I say that loosely, died, I chose not to attend the service. I was abused by the man and chose never to honor him in my adulthood, I did not let him near my kids and he was not allowed to b attend my Daughter's funeral...anyhow, the religious zealot brother gave the service, and the druggie brother attended very high with friends that were also high, my sisters went...and my druggie bro got in my sister's face and said, " your son is a --------liar about his drugs."  So no, our family is goofy and dramatic too in most cases which is why I mostly only deal with my sisters whom I love very much, and my nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephews. I hope Sandy, that you can rest for a while, take some time for grief if you can. 

Tina, I too am glad that you had time with a friend. YOu need to know that some folks are still there in your life, still can handle who you are now even in grief. Seven months is new even though it is a lifetime ago, the abstraction of time when we lose a young one is astounding. Be kind to you.

Dianne, THE CUBS! Did your husband dance and sing when that happened. What a game and then today they had a very long flight due to a few complications and so didn't even step foot on ground until noon today in LA. I am glad that your body has recovered from so serious infection. I am a tv watcher and probably too much so, though I balance it with lots of reading and a ton of walking...7 miles today spread out in three walks.

Lesley, I love autumn and winter though by February I am tired of the gloomy stuff. A cold blue sky or partly sunny day is invigorating and I feel good breathing the air and being outdoors as long as I am dressed for it. Oh, the show Chicago PD has actually filmed all over our town as has Chicago Fire...they used a house down our block in 4 different filming episodes blockingoff the street and causing a great interest by we neighbors.

Leah, I so hope that Sena will come back to your home. Keep us posted.

 

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Sherry, how lovely that you canned your tomatoes again. They must be a real taste treat in the long months of no fresh veggies and fruits. Oh yes, soup please. Thanks for asking, Erica is good, and Michael is learning to go along with a cast...He is very tentative about walking on his leg now...the pain must have been BIG for him to still be afraid to walk on it. Well the rains are coming we are told, so todays sunshine was all there is for the whole week. Grateful to have had some, the kids were thrilled at recess.

 

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Thank you everybody for the wishes of Sena coming home.  Each day I talk to her on facebook she seems more and more depressed, I just hope this nightmare ends soon.  The social workers were cordial and I was very open and honest.  They inspected the house, and said it appears to be alright.  There is a total of 3 meetings they have to come out here.  On Monday I have to go in and get fingerprinted and background check done.  I don't understand why they don't keep this on file, I have done it at least two other times for my other grandchildren.  I haven't been in trouble, not worried there.  I also have to get shots for my son's cat which doesn't bother me, because my husband had said he would do that for me.  The biggest problem is the income, they don't think I make enough on my disability, my sister in law will reduce my rent.. and various family have told me they would pay me some money to keep Sena plus her parents should have to pay child support.  I don't understand how it should make a difference, no I can't give her everything in the world, but I can feed her, clothe her, house her, and most importantly love her like no foster home can.  All I can do after I finish the list of requirements is wait, and I pray that she comes back here..  she needs it.

My in-laws are butchering pigs today.  I am not real fond of pork, but they will give me some in exchange for keeping excess in my extra freezer.  They are also planning to get some beef and they will share some with me.  As I said for being separated from my husband, I am treated fairly and they would do most anything for me.  I don't always agree with their life styles, but I can't judge, I just chose to be cautious when I visit them because we are very different.

In the back of my mind I am even contemplating letting the husband move back in to give us two salaries, even though it still isn't that much.  I was hoping when my disability ends, I can just take early retirement and hopefully get a part time job.  I miss getting out among people and interacting.  I just know it gets harder with age, but at least thankfully so much more of my abilities have come back.

Dee.. I hope the little one gets around on the cast alright.  Poor little tyke.

I plan to call my grandson today, I was going to yesterday, but didn't want to end his night on sadness.  I figure early in the day and then he can play.  I have been given a list of things not to say to him.  No telling him I want him.. which really blows...   but I would not torture him.  I want him to have fun.. but I want him to know we miss him and love him and that I will do my best to get up there to visit him.

Sorry this got long.. just wanted to update.  Thinking of you all..  Luanne, Dianne, Sandy, Sherry, Gretchen, Georgina, Dee, Sherry, Tina, Leslie, Laurie, Susan, Colleen.. everybody out there..  I do forget names sometimes..  my brain just doesn't work well.   May you have a peaceful weekend

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Leah, I admire your tenacity and hope. You keep on don't you? I only will send caution in that while the second income is good from ex husband, is that going to be a spiritual hardship for you? I just don't want the person who hurt your spirit to continue to do so...my only worry here.

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Dee.. thank you my friend, I know you make sense and believe me I have done so much thinking   I am just in a spot where my spiritual hardship has been haunting me as it is.  I never wanted another marriage to end.   At times I feel this obligation to go back to it, but at other times.. I feel stronger that I am not oppressed.  It isn't that he hurt me.. it is just his actions.  For being who he is, he has always done right by the kids.. especially Sena who was the first grandchild born into our marriage.  Right now I see it as a last move, I am hoping that if they come back at me they will accept certification from family members that Sena will always have what she needs.  She really truly is loved by all.  Thanks again for the words ..   I feel truly cared for here.

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Oh gosh, just trying to get caught up on reading posts. 

Leah, you just have to let your head lead you in this instance. You need to feel good about yourself in the long run. I am confident that you will soon have your family together. You could not have worked harder to prove to everyone how much you have committed to raising the kids. 

Dianne, ouch...did you say fifteen kidney stones? Well, if it is anything like the kong sized gall bladder stone I had then you have my sincere sympathy. I know a person that suffered terribly with kidney stones. How we take our health for granted until it is not working as it should be. Speaking of which...Georgina...how are you doing today? You have had such a rough ride. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday.

Dee, how cute is that? A pink cast. Has he had people signing it for him? I hope each days sees a huge improvement.

Sandy, I know how difficult a day it was for you... and I hope you will have an opportunity to get some much needed rest for yourself.

Lesley, we watch a lot of British programming these days. We are enjoying the second season of Poldark. Also, we just started watching The Loch and The Collection this week. Whatever happened to Boomers? it stopped abruptly not long ago. It was hilarious. I will say we started to watch This is Us for the first time and are quite enjoying it...while it is American. 

Georgina, how are you feeling today? I hope all goes well next week and will have you in my thoughts and prayers.

Colleen, I hope that spreading Brian's ashes brought a sense of peace. How was your stay in Hawaii?

Sherry, thanks.... it is really beautiful this past while up here. I have a love/hate relationship with this time of the year as I love the colours of the trees, but also know that winter is just around the corner. We are to have some rain later today, but the temps this coming week are calling for approximately 20C. or 67F. 

Becky, how are you feeling these days? Have you settled into a routine now that your husband is back full time?

Tina, hope you have a decent weekend. 

Well, must get moving before we do get that rain. We are off for a short hike on the trails.

Love to All, Kate

 

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A poem or two for those new here, just to let you see we all wander through grief in similar fashion...

Fix

If I could have fixed the breakage, I would have.

I would have reached into the tissue and healed it like new,

repaired the broken wires like I wanted the doctors to do,

But my hopes and prayers were met with your leaving instead.

 

 

If I could have repaired what took you, you would be living right now,

in a town of your liking,

or a city perhaps, near the sea,

Or maybe right here,

where you grew up,

with me.

 

 

Hand me downs

At first,

our grief wears us,

We are attached like a blanket dragging behind a child,

we bump and tumble behind the wake of it all,

getting battered and bruised beyond recognition-

dirty and scarred-

We are an accessory to the whole idea of LOSS,

 

Somehow we don’t even know how the calendar pages turn-

But they do.

 

After a while when the shock begins to dissipate,

We wear our grief

 

Like hand-me-downs that never quite fit right,

Too long, too short, too heavy, way too heavy-

And uncomfortable,

We did not ask to wear these only-for-other-people-clothes

The idea of them is too much to comprehend-

How am I this person without that person?

Who am I now?

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello everyone, I've been reading your posts for weeks now but finally decided to say something. My name is Angelica & I'm 27. I am married & we loss our 1st & only child Amariya Janae on July 23rd 2017 from a rare aggressive malignant brain tumor, she was 6 months old. Just a little background information for you guys to get to know me. My water broke when I was 27 weeks along, I was immediately put on bedrest & by the grace of God delivered her at 33 weeks on Jan 17, 2017 at 3 lbs, 6 oz. Amariya stayed in the NICU 6 weeks but only just to gain weight, she had no problems while in the NICU. We brought her home & she had no issues until July. The beginning of July, Amariya started throwing up alot & wouldn't eat so we took her to the hospital & she stayed 3 days & got better. At her 6 month check up the dr noticed her head size had significantly grown & sent us to the hospital. At the hospital we were told Amariya had fluid build up caused by a brain tumor & surgery would be needed. Amariya was scheduled for surgery on July 19th, well 2 hrs into the surgery, the surgeon came & told us our princess had coded in the OR & lost alot of blood but they were able to get her to the ICU for us to be with her. As we went to the ICU they were still working on stabilizing her. Amariya kept opening her eyes & they would have to give her meds to put her to sleep. Three days after surgery I made the hardest decision of taking my sweet girl off life support. I got to hold her as she took her last breath but the pain is so unbearable at times. I'm in my 3rd month of losing her & it's so hard to get out of bed most of the time. I feel I have no motivation in life. I do believe in God but sometimes it's hard to understand why he let her go through something so hard, she was just a baby. Sorry for the long post, I just need lots of prayers & encouragement right now.

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Angelica, my heart reaches out to you as I read your post again. I am really sorry for the loss of your precious little Amariya. What a beautiful name you have chosen for her. I am happy that you felt you could post and tell us a little about yourself. You have clearly had a very difficult and heartbreaking time. I know that we sometimes appear to be unconventional in our talk as far as our daily lives are concerned. We are all at different times along this painful road and yet we all share a common understanding... and by that we reach out to our friends here on this site with understanding and love. I know you will be welcomed here with open arms.  Please continue to post and I do hope you will find the support and strength you are searching for. 

Kate

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Angelica, I am so sorry for your lost of your beautiful baby. Your story, for lack of a better word, brings me to tears. I will be going on 7 months from losing my 19 year old daughter Kiona. You have come to the right place. The people on this sight have helped me tremendously and I'm sure they can guide you as well. 

Love to all

Tina

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angelica oh what a terribly sad story, the fight for her life being premature and winning that and then losing her at a later stage from brain cancer. Heartbreaking. Still you absolutely made the right decision to let her little spirit go free from her broken body, although I am sure it was an agonizing one. Your little Amariya is fully healthy and happy now in the spirit world with many others around her. i know you are heartbroken and unsure of how to go on living but just remember she is not gone she is still with you every day by your side you just cannot see her right now. It is harder for those of us left behind to mourn and it is a long and painful journey through grief but here you will be helped and supported, understood and cared for when sometimes even your own family don't get it. Joining in and beginning to tell your story takes great bravery, the more you tell it the easier it becomes I know I just bawled my eyes out and kept choking on the words dead, death, loss, funeral, memorial etc at first but can now post very personal things here knowing I am part of a wonderful community. The advice and care I have received has been incredibly helpful toward my healing, and I offer that gift back to help others in the same situation, and so we go on.

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Angelica, We just don't know why a sweet and beautiful little girl has to go through such a terrible illness as this, and why you and your husband had to let go of your Sweet Daughter. I learned early on in my grief after losing my 19 year old Daughter, Erica, that why is not the question I would ever be able to answer...rather HOW. How will we live now, how will we find a way to get out of bed and find a purpose in our days? How will we ever hear the birds sing again, or see the flowers or colored leaves? We feel pretty sure that we will not be able to ever care about things or others again, but we do, eventually. It takes time and a lot of effort and right now, you are early on in your grief, even if it feels like a long while. Besides the horror of losing your Girl, your hormones had to also get back to normal after birth, an early birth, and then loss of an unimaginable sort, well, it takes us down. We are changed by the ache in our hearts and by the experience of loss but I promise you that at some point, after time and work you will find a way to live your best life and shine your Beautiful Daughter's light. You gave your Girl a lovely name...you gave your Girl love beyond words, she will always be your Girl. You will always be her Momma.  Keep on coming here and letting us know how you are doing, ask any and all questions you would like, we are here for a reason, to help the next parent up with our hearts and our care.

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