Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

Recommended Posts

  • Members

devianz thinking of you on Nathan's birthdate it is a sad sad day but also the start date of all your memories of him. Be peaceful feel loved.

Tinay sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed, let us know how you are doing when you can, take care.

louann as dee says go forward, leave that guilt and regret behind it is a heavy burden that you have to shrug off so you can begin finding peace and acceptance.

thank you all for your thoughts and care for me on Tommy's angel date. I made it through. Will post later with details still feel very exhausted and wrungout common after breaking down.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 68.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ericasmom

    9217

  • Mermaid Tears

    3803

  • daveydow1

    3002

  • shorty16

    2248

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Members

Here is a posy of flowers grown from my garden that I took for Tommy. The church is from Norman times originating from the 1400's and the graveyard is so peaceful up on the hillside overlooking the sea with wild grasses and wild flowers. My youngest daughter Emily actually asked to come with me ( that is her holding the posy) I was stunned and so grateful. We sat and cried together and talked it was very powerful and I felt some peace. It is not just one day that you grieve it is every day as we all know too well and I have found myself tearing up at odd brief moments since then. I sent my usual email to the university of Manoa in Hawaii asking politely for installation of dorm window locks and received a reply the next day saying that there is a different chancellor now and my email has been passed onto him. i know i am just one solitary person asking for an expensive safety upgrade but I hope one day they will do it. Also I am reminding them about Tommy every year and reminding them there is a grieving family who live with that loss every day. As parents we need to do what we can to effect change whether it be road safety signs, or speed limit, local laws or foundations just in memory of our children.. my son is down for a couple days as he turns 21 on sunday!! and my daughter will be living with me and finding a job her for a few months. i do treasure the times I have with them especially as I now know these can be cut short. I hope you all have a good weekend and thanks again for your continued support

.20799383_10155747364743487_8283260099408486345_n(1).jpg.ab35c1b683321171faf40ccabc56c412.jpg

20800039_10155747365503487_6802217291846734685_n(1).jpg.9997ceba4aca8821ae0bd441e748b7d6.jpg20882145_10155747363533487_8394323755376900154_n.jpg.89321601ca98e15b0b4e0be7fe21c220.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Wishing everyone a good evening!

IMG_1941.PNG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Luanne as I read your post I could not stop crying... I have tucked that guilt away and when I see sudden cardiac death and arrhythmia I almost throw up. Skylar as you know died on his birthday last year of the same... I was in the next room Luanne... when I went in he was still warm..I gave him CPR for 20 minutes and emergency response was there for 2 hours...but his heart started but could not maintain and finally stopped after numerous resuscitations. I was with him in the life support vehicle with the sirens...the guilt I feel that I was not there AT THAT MINUTE it happened...why wasn't I in his room 5 minutes earlier? He was breathing and sleeping 20 minutes before (I was getting his balloons blown up and his avacado toast ready for his special birthday breakfast) I ask myself all the time could I have saved him? If I had gone in just a few minutes earlier? I didn't know...I shouldn't have run upstairs to get my husband ..I should have started cpr right away. That scenario will play over and over...seeing his sweet face as I was attempting to blow life into his body will forever be etched in my mind. Guilt...yes...I often hear "there's nothing you could have done"! Skylar was my soul mate..he was such a beautiful human being and I feel I wish I could have saved him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lesley, what a truly beautiful and peaceful place for your Tommy's resting place. How lovely. The flowers from your garden are so very pretty. I was really pleased to see that Emily was able to go with you yesterday. I know how difficult it was for both of you. That's terrific that your son will be with you over the weekend. Have a great birthday celebration!

Our eldest son lived in Ireland for three years. Dublin in an area called DunLaoghaire to be exact. They loved it so much that they had decided to make it permanent. Unfortunately for them... it was not to be... and they moved back to Canada. We have always enjoyed our visits to Britain. My husbands family originate from Scotland from the Banffshire area...MacDuff to be exact. The family cemetery is also located at an old church in a very scenic area.  I thought of it instantly when I saw your photo.

Do have a lovely time with your kids this weekend.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Lesley your pictures are beautiful. They r what i think of when i think of england. I still get upset because Kira was to go on a trip to europe for vimy and because she was waiting for knee surgery the teacher wouldn't let her go even though her drs said she was fine. She was so upset and i tried to fight the school but they wouldnt let her go. That jerk of a teacher showed up at her funeral but wouldnt look at me. Just something else i have to let go of. I do watch coronation street sometimes. We would love to travel there one day but i just couldnt cause kira never got a chance to and it just wouldnt be right. Can you tell me what to right means? Enjoy your visit with your son and daughter. Tommy must be proud of all your efforts to put those safety measures in place. Take care

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Kristen. I hope i didnt upset you with my post. That has been rolling around in my head for 6 years. I hear the thud, i get right up stairs, my son gets the door open , i pull her out, we do cpr and then the fire dept is there with the paddles and she is saved. So easy..but thats not how it happened. Would that have been the turn out if i acted when i heard the thud? Certainly i could have saved her from drowning. Could i have saved her from the arrthymia, seizure, brain damage...thats what i dont know. If it was an aneurysm there would have been no chance. They found nothing but a healthy girl. She always came downstairs and had her breakfast first before her shower but not that day...why? Her dad always sat in the living room on sunday mornings watching tv. That was the closest room to hear up the stairs.
But that day he was weeding the flower bed, something he never did...why? How does the tub fill up when you are having a shower, was drain stop down when i found her or was it that slow moving drain that just filled up over the time...i didnt look when i pulled her out at the drain. Would a bottle of drain cleaner on my part have saved her from drowning?
Her one brother was in bed but on his laptop. Two doors from the bathroom. I was just so layed back doing my laundry and washing my floor. They were all upstairs, safe and sound. The roof wasnt going to cave in on them, nobody was going to bust open the front door and go get them cause i would have stopped them. They was nothing i could have thought of in a million years that could have harmed any of them that morning. Nothing at all. But yet i lost her. I have talked to this internist several times as at the time i worked at the hospital and he was ever so kind to read her autopsy and would talk to me as much as i wanted. Of course he said he would not have done anything different then me. I still dont know whether she was gone before she hit the water, would i have brought her back in time before brain damage, and on and on. Even the drs dont know 100 percent what happened in that bathroom. I feel all those things you described that day. What if i had of, why didnt i. I have been on this journey longer than you. Dont let yourself be tortured with this 5 more years down the road. I am very slowly, ever so painfully, and with the support of these wonderful people here starting to let go of the tight grip this has had on me. We would have moved heaven and earth to breath life back into our kids that day. But for what ever reason that was not meant to be. There are two things i want you to know about what happened to our kids. This internist while he could not give 100 percent answers, he absolutely 100 percent guaranteed me this...with an arrthymia you may feel a little woozy then it would be lights out. Absolutely no pain or suffering. He told me one minute she was showering and the next she would be saying hey here i am in heaven . He said thats how he hopes he dies is a cardiac arrthymia in his sleep one day as it is the most peaceful death anyone can die of. You and i have that small comfort that some of the other parents dont have. I deeply hold on to this. The other thing is i have had 3 other parents who have read my story but dont post on here who have sent me a personal email. Thier children all died the same way as ours. One girl was found in her bed with blankets up to her neck with no signs of a struggle and her father was told by medical personel that there was probably nothing they could have done even if they were there. Another collapsed right in front of her parents and they could not bring her back. And yet another collapsed i think was while they were walking to their car. They all reached out to me in hopes they save me from this guilt trip that has eaten thru me in six years. Now i dont let myself totally off the hook, there will always be a little part of me saying why didnt you. But i think the time has come to let that part shrink a little. I know im yapping far to long here, i do that once in awhile, but i just feel strongly about these issues. I just dont want you to hold on to this as long and as deeply as i have. Keep comi g here where we can all hold each other up. This site is truly a life line.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Lesley, the photos are gorgeous, so pretty and holds a sense of magic to me. I love that your Emily went with you, she needed to share the day as well, needed to be included in the tears and the stories. I hope that one day, the university will change the window system...I imagine that the preventative behavior would matter a lot.

Louanne, i hope that one day you will go, remember, everywhere you go, Kira also goes. So you will be taking her to the places she would have liked to see.

Somersky, its been a while and I am glad to see you here. Yes, guilt is that awful invader, snatching peace from our lives until we learn to rid ourselves from it...at least tame it a bit. I understand the replay, I had to work very hard to change my replay so that I could live without that constant loop of loss. I know that  you did whatever you could to try to keep your beautiful Skylar alive, he knows that too. He knows

Love to All

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you for your words of encouragement.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Somersky, you hang on now, do you hear? It is too hard, too friggin hard, but it won't always feel as it does right now, one day the edges will be less jagged, you will learn to tuck those in for only sometimes, and you will find the light and sound in each day again, not now, but one day, I swear to you it is so.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

I hope i didnt say to much to upset you. If i did i am sorry. I want to help you. I know you are 3 hours behind ontario so it is 5 a.m. there. I will call you or email or anything if you want me to.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

somersky it will be ok i promise just sometimes you find yourself just panicking and drowning in emotions and feeling totally overwhelmed and that life is not worth all the pain. I get it and it is totally normal for someone in your stage of grief. I know it is terrifying to feel that loss of control and you feel so alone but just hang in there one minute at a time deep slow breaths then another minute and you can get a grip just cope one minute at a time and then a bit longer. make sure someone is with you to help support you when you feel that overwhelmed or call someone. my email is no1mslesley@gmail.com if that helps anytime? louann has been there in that same scenario as your family and it is awful. she is making great progress after stalling for years because of unresolved guilt. It takes a long time to get to aplace of peace and acceptance and a lot of therapy counselling and or medications and that is ok. Letting it all out and not holding it in is definitely the best way because otherwise it festers inside and pops up years later causing a secondary grief. Louann is experiencing that now and bless her is doing better and helping others with her experiences. The percentage of bringing anyone back from a cardiac arrest is less than 10% did you know? Also the odds do not rise even if it happens in a hospital with all the medications equipment and doctors around so how can you blame yourself for your son dying? It is just an awful tragic occurence you did your best and your child knows that. Skylar is still with you every day by your side you just cannot see or hear him for now but he is there with you always.

kate and dee thanks for your kind words. Certainly 2years on I am definitely in a better place by no means ok but better and I'll take that. Slow improvements right? I believe it is like a puzzle, you pick a piece and focus on resolving your feelings and actions and then go onto the next piece. It cannot be rushed and has to be done a step at a time else it is too overwhelming. Sometimes you get lost and cant find the right piece but eventually it makes sense and slots together. Gradually the whole picture is revealed and it is a closeup of your very own child smiling, and you have done it! You have made it through the grief journey and it makes a bit more sense and you eventually feel a sense of acheivement that you have succeeded, that you did not give up or throw the puzzle in the closet to hide it. That is when you can look back and know you could not change the outcome but you can change your life for the better and do things in memory of your child in positive ways. the sadness will always be there but it will become more manageable as time goes by.

louann when you are all in a better space you should definitely go to England or Europe and take Kira's picture with you. You will be taking her with you and seeing where she wanted to be, some place different is a good thing. One day if I ever get the money (lottery win, please!) i intend to go to Hawaii and lay flowers there for Tommy and meet the people who cared about him and maybe go on some of the walks he did. it is ok that I didnt make it there whilst he was alive we will still be visiting together just in a different form. do not let grief limit you or hold you back instead do the things Kira wanted to do and celebrate doing them for her. It will be the right thing to do. She will be so happy that you did it for her and for your healing.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Lesley....such peace at that place...also...comfort in that your daughter wanted to be with you....

ScreenShot1303.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Krider75------So very sorry for your family's loss. Sending prayers for 

each and every one.  Peace to you.

 

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY,  NATHAN.........WARM YOU FAMILY'S HEARTS WITH

YOUR HEAVENLY SMILE.

Devianz........Thanks for the lovely pics. 

 

Kate------I've had the grandies over for overnights several times this summer.  Now that they are

back in school, I'll most likely not see them as much, but maybe an occaisional overnighter when

we have so much fun.  My husband plays golf with them in the backyard, and we play cards and

board games.  They like looking at the garden and all that it is producing.  Your travels in the UK

must have been so rewarding.  I, too, have English and Scottish heritage, but have never been there.

I do have a pen pal for many years who is from Edinburgh. Yes, the sunflowers are  flowers that brighten

up the day......and the mood, when one is 'down'.  thanks for the writing about clouds......I have always

loved clouds....all kinds of clouds....they are just one of the many beauties of nature. 

 

Lesley-----thanks for the lovely pic of the church and cemetery where your dear son, Tommy, was laid

to rest. So tranquil.  Glad that your daughter, Emily, was with you when you visited there, and took the pretty

flowers.  Bittersweet times.....I'm sure. May your precious memories of Tommy always bring a

smile through your tears.   Peace & comfort to you.

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry  

Edited by daveydow1
adding content
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Somersky....I can only hope....as with Lou Ann....that in telling your story...that inner anguish and that crippling guilt...that in telling...it is now in the light...in the light..darkness and despair are wisps....and can be dealt with...and managed.

ScreenShot1319.jpg

ScreenShot1318.jpg

ScreenShot1316.jpg

ScreenShot1315.jpg

ScreenShot1314.jpg

ScreenShot1313.jpg

ScreenShot1312.jpg

ScreenShot1311.jpg

ScreenShot1310.jpg

ScreenShot1309.jpg

ScreenShot1308.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Thank you for providing a safe place...really the only place other than my psychiatrists where I can speak of this. It is true when my specialist says there is no greater pain a human can endure both mentally and physically according to the book of psychology than losing a child. I feel of course that from birth I was his mamma bear...protecting him and keeping him safe! I couldn't this time. I cannot thank you all enough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Guilt is the worst part of being a parent of a child who died.  I don't think any of us hasn't asked the question, "What if I had done this differently?" and there are no great answers because we can't go back and change the past. It's important to remember that you are human, and that you are enough. You loved them enough, you did the best that you could under the circumstances, you were enough. And then forgive yourself. No matter how small or how great, you have to learn to love yourself again and know that you are a human being, with all our foibles and flaws and that we can only do our best in that moment and that it was out of our hands.

I think that in many ways, the death of a child is such a deep and painful heartbreak and that it takes time for us to learn to love ourselves and others without that fear of loss. That fear holds us back a bit and changes us.  It changes us, and all of the relationships around us. We have to learn to create new foundations and new pathways not to get back to where we were, but to create the world we would want to live in. Sometimes it means letting go of relationships that are unhelpful for us. Sometimes it means finding new friendships and relationships to help us heal, All you can ask of yourself is to do your best in that moment. Be as kind to yourself as you are to others. Talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend, lifting them up and being there for you.  Day by day, you'll be able to let go of some of the negative thoughts and emotions and replace them with love and light again. It takes time, there is no set timeline or path.  Just forgive yourself.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts and wishes on Nathan's birthday, it really meant a lot to me. I woke up that morning hearing the Goldfinches (Wild Canaries) in the yard, and stood at the kitchen sink watching the brothers play ball in the yard, even though I was the only one awake. I felt him surrounding me that day, and standing beside me as I made his favourite meal, just as I had every year on his birthday for 20 years.  We were together as a family and sent up a toast in his honor, and I fought tears all day. I still miss him so much and it felt a little heavier knowing that the womb that carried him into the world was also now gone. It felt odd in a way, I can't explain it.

Today we found out that my Mom has stage 4 lung cancer. She had a spot removed back in January, and they thought they had gotten it all, but it metasticized to her adrenal gland and possibly other places, they are putting together a cancer board team for her that will meet next Tuesday and decide a diagnosis and treatment approach. She's 82, so we'll have to wait and see but along with my health issues, we're in for another year of pain. Please send prayers for my mother Judith, as she is a believer and in need of a little extra something.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I am new here and looking for support from parents who have lost a child due to an overdose. This epidemic is out of control.Lost our daughter 4 months ago today.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Mileykid6.....what a nightmare for parents, family and friends...my granddaughter has gone to 2 funerals in the last 2 months...both overdoses. There were alarms going off many years ago....and Doctors do have a responsibility in this. Now we have a whole generation and more of people who think a pill can fix everything. We are simply parents that have lost a child...some have lost 2 on this site...and none of us are therapist or counselors...we come here to have understanding...for there is nothing on this earth that can prepare you for the loss of a child. I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child...and the parents on this site reached out to me....in 2012.....with caring hearts and I do believe that is 'why' I am able to survive this. I found out I wasn't going crazy...I was just in deep mourning. Please tell us how you are doing....tell us about your girl. We are here to hear you.

ScreenShot827.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Miley, I am so sorry for your very recent loss, the Daughter of your heart...my Girl died 14 years ago at age 19, different circumstances, but in the end, we are left to grieve. At the 3 month mark I was raw in pain, as though my pain and grief redoubled, and I realized that the first big layer of shock had worn off...so those layers will fall away at different times in the first and second year. Tell us about your Girl if you can, about her life and about losing her when you are ready. We are here, we listen and we get it. I have a nephew who is in his 5th rehab right now, and I know that it is day to day, the phone rings and my sister jumps. Addiction happens so fast, the changes in the brain and body are almost immediate when addiction is to heroin and oxy...I am sorry for your ache and hope that you will read and write whenever you like.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

No biggie to most i know, but my husband and i went away today. Not to get groceries or to get more garden mulch ) but just for a drive along lake huron which is only a couple of hours away. It took a lot of convincing to get my husband to go but summer is almost over and as has been for six years we had gone no where. As we stood at the lake all i could think of was how Kira had been looking forward to driving to the beach that summer with her friends but was worried with only two vehicles her brothers would always have them. She had just got her license and had only driven by herself once before she died. I didnt share that story with my husband because god knows the man has enough of his own memories to live with. We just puttered around driving thru some of the little towns and came home. By the end of the day the young crowd was coming in for the weekend which just reminded me more of what Kira should be here enjoying. It was bitter sweet. I fought back the tears a few times and still am tonight. But i had to at least try to bring a bit of the sunshine back in (i think it was kate who said that). If not for me for my husband. A once strong proud man who worked so hard and did everthing to put a smile on those kids faces. A man who is just a shell now, who has layed on the couch for six years, who wont show himself in public, speak to anyone and who cant even cut the grass anymore. Who cannot bear to here her name mentioned and gasped a most horrible sound when he accidentally came across a picture of her awhile back. A man whose grief has eaten the soul right out of him. But we made a tiny step today. Maybe we will keep taking those baby steps or maybe we will just slink back into that dark hole weve been in for six years, hiding away from the world while our boys watch there parents wither away to nothing. We shall see i guess. But still i am encouraged by all of you and i thank you for listening and caring. The sky kept going light blue and bright on the bottom and then dark and cloudy at the top. It was wierd. Like the sun wanted to shine but wasnt sure if it could. Just like us i guess

20170818_123200.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Somersky. How are you doing. My email address is ltaylor50@rogers.com. i have Canada wide calling if you want to talk. I have a sister in Nanaimo. I can call you when ever you want. Just let me know. I hope i didnt upset you by my post. I just want to help you if i can. Hugs luanne.

Miley cant tell you just how very sorry i am for your loss. It is so new and raw and no doubt you are going through a whole range of emotions. You keep coming here as you have found a life line to hold on to. I wish it didnt take me 6 years to find it. These moms here are an absolute treasure to other grieving parents. Let us know all about your wonderful daughter. I know you can absolutey not believe right now that you will ever get thru this or feel better again, but you will. If you want to email back and forth or want to talk on the phone, let me know if i can help you that way . You have made a very courageous step to reach out here for help. Wecwill all be here for you.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

And Devianz sending prayers and best wishes to your mom. Holding her and you close to my heart.

Lesley. I bought a lotto max and lotto 649 tickets today. They are the two big lotteries here in Canada. If i win the first thing i will do is buy you a plane ticket to Hawaii.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks to all who posted pictures...I loved the old church by the sea, and Lake Huron was beautiful. 

I am sorry if I missed any marker days...but this is a good group of parents here...one place where we can talk about what grief really is...and not have to have the mask on all the time. 

Miley, I am sorry for the loss of your dear daughter....this a special place here...sending gentle thoughts...
 

Sending a Heavenly Birthday wish to Nathaniel Ryan....

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Miley, I am so sorry about your lovely girl. Please share your memories with us when you are able.

Margo, my thoughts are with you and your family as you face yet more adversity. I am very sorry to hear about your mom and hope that the next few weeks will bring some relief as you gather to form a plan for her treatment. Please make sure to take good care of yourself as well!

LouAnn, how pleased I was to read your earlier post about your outing today. That was a huge step in a very positive direction for both of you. Thank you for sharing your pictures. Those dark clouds are starting to lift and I bet Kira was beaming to see her parents enjoying a lovely day. Good luck with the Lotto... but I hate to tell you that I plan to win it! :D

Laurie, thanks for sharing the Enya lyrics. How are things on the home front with you?  

Lesley, I hope you guys are kicking up your heels tomorrow. It's not every day you turn 21. In Canada 18 is the biggie for the kids. Legal drinking age, etc.

Sending warm wishes to all for a peaceful weekend.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Margo, I forgot to send good wishes for your Mom wiht her recent diagnosis. I know that it seems that the pain keeps hitting your family...but hang on, take very good care of yourself, so that you can have the energy needed to boht grieve and to be caretaker.

Louanne, I feel so glad that you have taken such a step today...you and Husband going out at your urging, finding a way to leave the house with the simple hope of seeing some scenery that is different than at home, to force your brains and spirits to take an active role in going outside of your comfort zones. Good for you and wonderful medicine for your husband and you. I am so sorry that your husband has been so unable to find ways to find life again after losing Kira. I hope that today's trip will allow you both to see that there are good things outside your home for you to see and do. You have a good heart to want to help your husband and also that you would buy a ticket to Hawaii for Lesley...so sweet.

Laurie Dear, good to see you. tell us how you are all doing...I know that  you have been very busy. HOw is the new church for your Daughter?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks Louann..I sent you a message. My husband walks around like nothing happened ...like it's all ok and tells me not to dwell on it. Talking about it is healing and I don't ever want Skylar to be a memory but want him to always be alive everyday in my life! 

Margo ... prayers for your mom!!!! My mom overcame stage 4... 5 years ago. Never underestimate prayer.

Miley I am new here and already feel such a warm welcome from this family. Not a forum/group anyone would want to belong to but we do and have to accept it but know we are here for each other.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I wanted to share something that happened to us yesterday when we were in the city. It was such a beautiful day and we decided to take a drive into the city to run a few errands. As we entered the city we drove along a very busy main street with many intersections. It is a modest but nicely kept neighbourhood. The main street is lined with strip shopping malls and various restaurants, etc. We stopped at a very large intersection for a red light. On one side of the street is a large hospital with a huge parking lot. Beside that is a bank. While we sat at the light we noticed a man walking along with a cane. He apparently had suffered a very major stroke. I was at first taken by the fact that he was out walking alone.  His whole one side was just hanging down. He tied up traffic while trying to cross the street. When the lights changed all eyes were on him. The cars quickly caught up to him and just waited for him to clear the street. Some even started to honk their horns. Clearly it was a massive struggle for this poor guy to take one step at a time. We then pulled into the bank parking lot and Ross went into the bank. I sat there in the car watching him. Poor guy was dressed in a pair of sweats and a hoodie. It had to be pushing the high 80's. I was certain he was out for a walk from the hospital as a form of therapy. I was so happy to see Ross walk up to him and offer him a ride the rest of the way back. He fooled us. He had walked a lot further and we drove him home. He lived in a group home that was a modest but nicely kept bungalow. He was able to speak quite clearly and told us he had suffered a massive brain aneurysm at the age of 12!  His parents were now dead and he lived with other disabled people in that home. I was shocked to learn he was only in his thirties as he looked twice that age. My heart went out to him. What kind of life was that for a young guy? We headed off to Tim Hortons to buy him a gift card and a large coffee with double cream and three sugars. He loved his coffee he told us and the highlight of his day was being able to drag himself to that coffee spot. I thought of our upcoming situation with the surgery and the possibility of Ross perhaps losing his eye. I was so proud of him for approaching that young man and offering his help. On the way back home he remarked how lucky we were. I will also tell you that as we came to the end of that mans street another car pulled up beside us. We did a double take. It was identical to Jeff's. There could not be many... if at all any that remain on the road these days. It was the exact same colour and had the same scratches that I could see from where I sat. It made us scratch our heads for sure. Never underestimate the power of the human spirit and the will to live. Never give up. Never say never. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kate, I agree with Dianne, I am crying right now at your story, and the joy that the young man must feel that you and Ross did this for him, to think of his life of hard labor, and to think of the impatience of others as he struggled so...and indeed, your Jeff sat beside you to let you know that he is beaming for your good hearts and all that you do in this world! And Louanne, I looked again at the photo of the skies, the lifting of the clouds if only for a bit...that is what I feel the message is from Kira, if only for a bit Mom and Dad, let the sun into your lives, let it remind you of the good in the world, and know that I am always in the world too, just in a new way!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Laurie, that Enya song...so pretty, my cousin Lela was in traffic one day in Florida where she lived with her elderly dad, and an Enja song came on as she waited in traffic,a palm tree had tipped out of the ground holding up traffice...from Lela's windshield, she saw the  ERICA part of the  Bank of AMERICA sign...the first part was hidden by the palm tree...so she called one of her daughters' back here in chicago area and said she had a feeling that Erica was leaving her a sign and saying that she was going to die soon. My cousin died the next day from a stroke. She was only 57. This was only 3 weeks after Erica died.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Louann

That is great that you and hubby went for a drive.  That is a big deal and you should be very proud.  It is the little steps that move us forward.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My friends,

My Brian at about 6 months and with his siblings, Michelle and Aaron.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

IMG_1269.JPG

IMG_1421.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Colleen, what a beautiful family you have. I imagine the kids were very close to Brian. How are they doing now?

Dee and Dianne, it was incredibly humbling yesterday to meet Brian. His determination to continue under very difficult circumstances showed such courage and strength of character. He was placed in this group home after his parents died and is now alone. Something tells me we will see this young man again.

Susan, I'm sorry, but I could not open. How is Veto doing?

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Kate....I think you and your husband and that young man...can fill empty parts in each heart.

Veto is adorable....(and of course...Randa and I agree that he is the smartest and sweetest baby ever).....we are our own Mutual Admiration Society...

this is one of my favorites....(along with 100's of others)

ScreenShot1301.jpg

IMG_4738.PNG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

This photo was shared by one of Tommy's friends taken in their local area in PA. Guess that's a sign!599973ab5af38_misutom.thumb.jpg.4fd84629a738be6dde2c773c1e784412.jpg 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

Lesley. Wow a definite sign that your tommy was hanging around that day.

Oh that veto i could just hug him right thru my phone. I can see why he has stolen everones heart. And what a beautiful pool susan. When i win the lotto im definitely coming for a visit lol. I assume texas is warm all year around.

Colleen. What a beautiful family and sweet picture of six month old Brian. We both have an Aaron and Michelle was Kiras middle name. Thanks for sharing your beautiful pictures. I didnt think i would every be able to talk to someone from Wisconsin and this is probably a really stupid question but i just have to.ask. is there really a Genoa city Wisconsin? Have you ever been there. My husband says you arent really going to ask this lady that, yes i am. Lol

Dee, how amazing that america sign spelled out Ericas name. And so sad your cousin died but predicted her own death. Do you think our kids will give us signs before our day comes?

Kate. What a wonderful thing for you and Ross to do. It wasnt that we werent nice or caring people before.we lost our children but i think we put out some kinda aura as grieving parents. I was in the grocery store last week, had picked up an item and was reading something. All of a sudden between my face and this item popped up a box of sandwich bags. There was no tap on the shoulder or excuse me. Here was an elderly man who wanted me to help him with these sandwich bags . He had always got the same bags in the same spot on the same shelf from this store. But the store had recently changed the isle where the bags were and he couldnt find the ones he wanted. He was very adamant he didnt want freezer bags cause he wasn't freezing anything. I told him just because it says freezer bags doesnt mean you had to use them just for the freezer. I found him the size he wanted but oh no the box said freezer on it and those werent the ones he wanted. So i started at the top of the shelf and read him every type of bag, the size and what type of closing they had. Finally he settled on the box he wanted. And was just oh so happy it didnt say freezer on the box. He thanked me and strolled away seemingly happy and content in his own little world that he found the right kind of sandwich bags. So 10 or 15 minutes later and i couldnt even remember what id come into the store for. Lol. Yesterday i was at the under 12 item check out at walmart. I had chips, pop, crackers and peanut butter. The check out girl says oh are you making ribs? I said no, not today. That was an odd thing to ask. Then she says my mother lost her cheek and part of her face to cancer and after chemo her food was tasteless, but my moms a fighter and a retired nurse, etc. Etc and the whole story. Then she asks me if i had every boiled ribs in cola to which i said no, so no kidding i had already paid, my groceries were in the bag and she starts rhyming off this receipe out of her head. I could feel the eyes of the customers behind me burning holes thru me it was supposed to be rhe quick line and it was a busy saturday. This rib recipe was something that her mom could taste after her chemo. I asked how her mom was doing and told her i would try her recipe. This had to be a least 10 min conversation. I got in the car and said to my husband "do i have a sign on me or something". We must emit some kinda wierd vibe that says hey talk to me, ill listen, ill help you. Ill spend 10 minutes helping you picking out your sandwich bags that dont say "freezer" on the box you silly old fart. Lol. The other thing is kate i guess there is a world wide joke about Canadians being too nice. Have you seen that comnercial with one bottle of coke and two Canadians saying to each other "you have it, oh no you have it". I think they are making fun of us. Lol. Bless Ross 's heart to have his own medical issues upcoming to deal with but took the time to help this unfortunate man. Only in Canada eh?
Somersky. I have checked my email and even in my spam and dont see a message from you. It is ltaylor50@rogers.com. if you want to resend. Im still here by phone or text, email or this site available 24/7.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
My girl is in heaven

I just wanted to ask if anyone has any experiece or advice on this. I stopped taking sleeping pills (zopiclone) 3 weeks ago after six years. They werent working anymore and i have no drug plan to pay for them. I keep myself awake all day and at night my body is so heavy, tired and yearning for sleep but my mind will not shut off . I try to clear it ,calm it , tell it to shut up but it rolls on for hours. The odd night i do fall asleep i dream the entire time. At first the nightmares were those all grieving parents have and now it is just stupid stuff riding a motorcycle or deciding if i want to be an airline stewardess. When i wake up i am totally traumatized. I can barely shuffle to the bathroom, my stomach aches, im sweaty, shaky, panicky. I put my hands over my eyes and tell myself it was only a dream, its not true, those people cant hurt you anymore, etc. I call it decompressing. It takes me at least an hour but usually longer to get my head clear. I try my best to get thru the day but am left feeling half tried, worn out, sick and fearing of the night coming whete this starts all over again. Has anyone else had this? Is this just part of the withdrawal process and will eventually go away? I hate to complain but dont know how much more i gan take of this. Thanks for any advice. I will give you guys a break now. I know i have been inflicting myself far too much on you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Colleen...thanks for sharing....for some reason...in the last two years....I am able to remember John David when he was a little boy...without looking at photos...a memory will pop up. I know we have a hole in our heart in the shape of our child....and will always feel that 'empty' spot but....we also have many blessings...our child/children that are beside us. You have some awesome and good looking kids.

Lou Ann....many parents will understand insomnia. I had/have the worst insomnia EVER! I have only taken over the counter sleep aids...and I don't take them every night. I knew if I could walk during the day....it would help....I tried walking in the parks on the walking trails...but there was a memory under every tree...I bought a treadmill and placed it in my guest room...I have a TV in there....and I decided I would only watch Netflix or Amazon when I was walking...not ever sitting down....and it has helped a lot...not a 100% cure...but better and I will take better than never. I have always been a very early riser....so now....if I can sleep til 4 in the morning...I can have a good day....but I understand how the Zombie Walking feels like with no good sleep. Walking will also give you energy....walking reduces stress....it is such an easy way to exercise but also good for your metabolism..and foggy thinking. I walk 3/4 miles a day....when I am watching something really good...I can walk even longer. Sometimes....when I wake up at 1 or 2 or 3....I will take an over the counter sleep aid that night to help me get to 4. I support you in not wanting to take the prescription sleep aid....am sure there is a time of adjustment for your mind/body to adjust without it.  You seem to have some 'fight' in yourself now to help yourself and your husband get to a more peaceful place. I think we are all a work in progress.

the pool in the photo was the pool when we went to Port Aransas...this is a good photo of my pool....this photo was taken in June...Pibby's 14th birthday party...

I have to have a pool....be close to water...

IMG_0453.JPG

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Susan, that baby is a honey bunny! Do I see a future Olympian swimmer in the family? And the girls around the pool look as if they are having a really good time. I can see why you spend so much time in the kitchen. It must give you real pleasure to share those special times with them as they grow up so quickly.

Lesley, how was your birthday weekend? 

Louann, I was prescribed sleeping pills after Jeff died. I found I had no trouble getting to sleep... but I would waken during the night and could not fall back to sleep. The odd time I would break one in half and it helped to take the edge off. I never did have a repeat on them. I found I did much of what Susan has recommended. Fresh air and exercise can really help. Try to eliminate caffeine from your diet, or at least cut back. Perhaps caffeine free night time tea would help. I really recommend trying a yoga class. It does help to teach you how to relax and learn to breathe comfortably. It has helped me many times when I am stressed.

Colleen, Brian had a really captivating smile. 

We had a lovely day today. We went for a long hike in the woods along the trails and then sat at Jeff's bench. The lake was just beautiful. I am hoping that all of you who are in a good location to take advantage of the eclipse tomorrow will be able to enjoy the event. We will only see approximately 70%. I hear the glasses are in short supply.

Thinking of everyone and sending wishes for a peaceful Sunday evening.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kate, I love the day you had, I woke with only 3 hours of sleep having babysat with my Grandies, and my Grandboy has sleeptime issues right now, so he ended up in bed with me and so in the bed with me...moving all night and legs and elbows poking and shoving...I am wiped out. I can't even take a walk today beyond the small one we had wiht the kids this morning. It is hot and very humid here, so being inside is good for me today, my last day of summer break.

I was on anti-anxiety /depression meds, a very low dose for about 2 years, not that long ago, and while it really helped me deal with my anxiety, and allowed me to kind of not give nearly the nervous energy to so much It was while I was on meds for cancer, just went off in April, ...but I  began to feel the frustration from no tears! I missed my old emotional self. I hardly could cry on those meds, and I am a crier, I mean I cry from joy, from music, from watching a child ice skate, from so much including the very most poignant things, so to not cry for a couple of years felt jarring and I found it time to go back to my old anxious self. I had to wean from the meds and did as the doctor prescribed, but oh, going off was hard, so Louanne, please ask the doctor about it, did you just go off or did you wean off. I really was jumpy and had issues with sleep and feeling like I had a handle of htings...but finally, I got the meds out of my system, and from there I have been able to balance a bit better.

Susan, I sure do love the photos, pure joy in those faces and times together.

Colleen the photos you posted show the joyous human your Boy was and always will be, and the lovely family that continues to live good and productive lives under Brian's love.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dee, good luck on your first day back to school! I'll be thinking of you. Sleep well tonight.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Louann, 

Yes, there is a Genoa City, Wi.

love it

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks Kate, I wish we could just start with students rather than two days of meetings...I mean I know that some of the information will be necessary, but two days? By now, I just want  to meet the kids placed in my class. We teachers have the same kind of anxiety that the students get before meeting their new group.

Louanne, I love that you hunted for the right bags for the man. He needed you. I agree, there are times that folks just tell us stuff that perhaps they would not normally tell, it is somehow the way we let our barriers down. I also feel at times that it is Erica on my shoulder that attracts babies to me. I have always been good with babies, but truly, babies and toddlers in strollers and carts smile and coo at me, and I think that my little Pink Angel is making faces or dancing on my head to garner the attention from kids. Erica was also very good with kids.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

miley you have come to a safe place to be with new friends who truly understand your pain. My son was a drug addict for several years we went through all the fears and anxieties of his choices and behaviours whilst high it was terrifying. We did not lose him to drugs ultimately he got clean and sober but was killed in a fall trying to save his suicidal friend. Even though we all lost our children in different ways we are all forged together by the loss and grief and come here to share and be supported. Post as and when you can and know you will never be misjudged only supported.

devianz i am so sorry about your mum to face a potential loss again is heartbreaking. Take care.

louann you and your family are taking such positive steps forward I am so glad, time to leave some darkness behind you and move on into the sunshine. I was diagnosed with a sleep disorder about 14 years ago and take zolpidem. several times we have tried weaning off but it does not work and i become chronically sleep deprived which is very bad for my fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue so I just take them. On a slightly weird note when i was in the intensive care on a ventilator for over a week the dr's had the hardest time sedating me. They kept commenting that I was impossible to keep unconscious  even though i had had enough meds to sedate a horse1 Eventually I was kept on propofol (spellled wrong/) anyway it is the anaesthetic that killed michael Jackson. Weird how our bodies react. see how you go but a dr visit would be helpful as sometimes your body gets accustomed to meds and feels a withdrawal when stopping them. I find I need to be in bed by 10 30pm at the latest else my body gets a second wind and I am awake all night. Exeercise for me actually makes me more awake but works for some people. I read an article today on pink noise which shows an improvement in better quality sleep. I googled and found a website on youtube that has a 10hr playlist which I am going to try. sounds a bit like an untuned radio channel but has had good results with babies and adults who have problems sleeping. Like everything you need to do it for a couple weeks to gauge success or failure. It is non invasive and free worth a shot?

my son had his 21st bday and it was really great. His gf came down and they went out drinking and clubbing with his sister and close cousin. I was still awake when they got back in at 4ooam and chatted to him. he sat on the bed and began to cry saying it was so hard to have a birthday 4 days after his brother died because his birthday just does not feel the same. he said he is always sad and drinks too much to try and forget and have a good time. I was so sad for him. he does not show his feelings much about his brother says most of the time he is doing ok but shows that emotions come out when you are vulnerable and defences are down. bless him.

kate you and your ross show such humanity and compassion. Love and care go a long way and are in short enough supply in this world esp with all the violent acts occuring it is so nice to hear about positive acts of kindness.

loving all the photos from everyone. I dont post pics of my kids because they would not like it and also i am very computer illiterate! Will try and get some more ofmy Tommy though as he is the reason I am on here.

take care all enjoy the eclipse we wont get it here but a celestial event is always quite magical.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I did notice a change during the eclipse. We only really had about 70 to 80% in our area. It did get quite dusky and the funny thing is that the birds stopped chirping and then the frogs really started going. I remember in the late seventies... 1979 to be exact... a total eclipse and it was really amazing. I hope those that saw it completely watched all of the changes taking place.

Sherry, no, you are not imagining it. I decided to delete the pictures of the grandies after I received a message from someone in Italy with an African name trying to sell me something. It is so sad when people prey on individuals who are going through what has to be the most difficult time of their life. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Kate-------beautiful pics! Postcard perfect.......Thanks

 

Dee-------Good luck at first day back to school......hope the weather

is not too hot. :huh:

 

Dianne-------How are you......? :)

 

 

PEACE   AND  COMFORT   TO ALL  INDIGOS.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.