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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Mermaid Tears

Kate ...I so agree with you....but our small website...our stage...is so contained....the message will have to be presented on a much larger scale/platform...

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Kate,

Here is the song you wanted posted. I've also posted a version by the band Disturbed, it's a remake and it's so beautiful and appeals to our younger generations too;

 

 

 

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Right On Kate! WE need to talk about coming out of the darkness, how to reach out when things seem so dark...I remember this song from when I was in7tth or  8th grade, 1968 1969...I remember crying when I heard it,and stilloften do. Divianz, I love this new version as well. I am listening to it fro the first time and it is powerful...his voice and strength is amazingly touching. Thanks. But those lyrics, Paul Simon is an amazing insightful man/poet. Never wrote anything that I didn't listen to over and over again. Yes Kate, we need to keep talking about this most sad way to lose a friend, a family member, a Child. NO more silence. There is a walk that folks do around here once per year, called out of the darkness. The walk starts at night and people walk into the sunrise. The money earned is to support mental health facilities and specifically to assist with finding treatments for deep depression.

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I must agree that the latter version really hit with a punch. Beautifully done. Thank you so much for posting it for me.

Well today we did what we often do when we feel are sinking into a funk. We visited an elderly neighbour in the hospital and then returned home to dig a new perennial garden and plant it. I am beyond tired, but in a good way. This tiny community is about to explode as we are hosting the Canada Summer Games Sailing competition. After that we host the Icelandic Festival. I will say that the summer offers many opportunities to get out and circulate. Love to everyone for a peaceful weekend.

Kate :)

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Shannon,  my heart breaks for the pain that girl must have been in.  Her parents now part of our "club".  

Hugs to all.  

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever.

i miss my boy

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Jeff's Mom said:

This tiny community is about to explode as we are hosting the Canada Summer Games Sailing competition. After that we host the Icelandic Festival.

I had to laugh when an Icelandic festival is held in the summer.  I live in Wisconsin and can relate to the word Ice.

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face this morning.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Colleen, our festival promotes Icelandic culture and descent. We have the largest concentration of Icelandic settlers outside of Iceland. I do know that Milwaukee also celebrated the first festival in 1894. This small fishing community swells by the thousands as people arrive from many areas to enjoy the festivities. We also have a Viking re-enactment camp that is really exciting and they hold mock battles several times a day. The young people just love it. The actual name is Islendingadagurinn (Icelandic festival) Google Gimli and the festival... it will show the activities lined up. I smile to myself as well trying to imagine spelling the name without looking it up.

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Kate, it sounds fabulous, the festivals. And your new garden too. Is the funk about yur friend who passed away? How is your husband's health right now?

Dianne, yes, Erica was in the house with a few friends when another boy that she did not know, pulled out a gun and started to play russian roulette...she and her girlfriend were in another room when they heard the gunshot...needless to say, they lost a bit of innocence that night when A boy who did not bring the gun, played the game. He died. It was a horrible situation.

It is beautiful out today so I am going to go out and be in it for a while. I wish everyone a Gorgeous Day!

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Tommy's mum

mermaidrears yes grief is exhausting. I think one spends energy trying to get through the day and not fall apart and the effort involved is very  tiring. I guess it is a case of acheiving what you can when you can whether it be your job or gardening or a hobby. It is important to soothe yourself with something that gives your mind respite and your soul joy or accomplishment. Aug is a tough month for me with both Tommy's birthday on the 2nd and his angelversary on the 16th so I am gearing myself up for those. It will be ok I can visit my special place and chat with him but i know he is always with me anyway.

dee what a horrific story. I am so anti guns anyway and it is incomprehensible that anyone would play a game with a loaded weapon. There are too many accidental shootings already and it is too easy to have a gun and use it after getting drunk or reacting to a bad event. i am grateful we do not have guns in the UK but understand it would be extremely difficult to ban them in the USA too hard to put the genie back in the bottle as they say. I love that idea of a walk so symbolic and raising awareness and money for a great cause.

jeffsmom enjoy the festival sounds very interesting. i love anything that celebrates heritage and culture. too often small cultures are abandoned and forgotten which is a huge loss. In these times of having to be very politically correct there are limitations set down and i think it is wrong. We should all be free to celebrate ourselves in a positive and enlightening way. We had a Native American elementary school teacher who brought in a local tribe to dance for the students. It was incredible.

colleen I miss my boy too.The sadness never fully goes away.

devianz I too love Disturbed and their cover version is amazing. It is not often that a cover excells over the original version but this one does. Music can be so healing can't it? I listen to music occasionally when I am pretty low and let the lyrics wash over me hearing my emotions voiced in the songs is both validating and soothing.

tearsinheaven I hope we see a change in our lifetime over attitudes toward mentall illness but am concerned because of underfunding and budget cuts.

somersky hope you are doing ok?

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Mermaid Tears

Sending out a song from me and Willie...and Texas....to all the parents on this Sunday morning...all things get easier...except missing you....

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Love me a little Willie, Susan. Thanks.

 

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My girl is in heaven

Devianz.  Wishing you good luck tomorrow with your surgery.  I hope you will feel much better afterwards as you get relief from your symptoms.  I know its been a rough few weeks with nathans angel date and then your surgery.  Keep strong.  Maybe august will be a healing month for you.  Take care and post us when you feel able so we know how you are. 

Peace to everyone for a relaxing  sunday and then we can start all over again Monday on this journey none of us want to be on. 

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Devianz...sending wishes for a great outcome tomorrow! Good luck.

Sandy, how are you these day? How is Kelly doing?

Lesley, I imagine you are enjoying your time with your daughter.

We had an awesome storm last evening. I always love electrical storms for some reason. The energy was amazing. We definitely needed that rain and boy did it ever pour. There is nothing like a good downpour to water the trees and shrubs. There is simply no way that you can possibly water enough to accomplish what a decent rain can bring. This has been the best summer I can remember . No mosquitoes or pesky bugs. The nights cool off to a refreshing temp. The flowers and vegies are thriving. 

Sending warm wishes to ALL.

Kate

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So true Dianne, when you have some sadness in your life, you get the lyrics... which is why I often cried while listening to music as a child, I had plenty of sad and so I listened and felt the lyrics early on...I never stopped crying when I hear songs that touch my heart/spirit. I stood and wept like a fool the other day at the farmers' market when the men who conduct a drum circle performed a wonderful song whose lyrics were extremely poignant. I had to quick get my sunglasses on and my tissue at the ready. With all that the week held, I could not control the tears, not that I am good at that anyhow.

Margo, I wish you a very successful surgery and recovery. I agree, Nathan will be sitting with you and taking extra care of you. Let yourself take the time needed to heal. You have had a lot on your heart so please be kind to yourself.

Kate, I love watching storms move through as well, as long as they don't threaten tornado warnings. I am glad for your good weather. We have had some really pretty days in the last week. I went along with my DIL and the kids today to the pool. It was great fun. 

Love and heart to you All, and to Those who don't post often we think of you and hope for the best.

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A bit of a tough day....

A few of my Pilates clients got together and bought a brass plaque in Skylar's remembrance. It sits on the west side of White Rock beach behind the sundial with the most beautiful view. I guess I wouldn't expect anything less...lol! Skylar did appreciate nature and the beautiful things in life and never took anything for granted. When I saw it this morning for the first time...my heart broke and broke and broke...and that choking sadness stayed with me. I will appreciate it I know but now it makes me sad. I miss him so much it hurts so much. 

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Somersky, that is absolutely beautiful, both how it looks and where it is placed, and that your clients got this to honor your Son. Absolutely lovely. Let your tears fall...they help cleanse a little space in your spirit.

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Susan-----I, so, understand your need to watch the video in privacy.....with only

little dear Veto.  All those dear friends & family members.....and dear John David....gone.

So very sad.  I agree.......grief is exhausting.  It drains one, a little bit at a time...

day-by-day, week-by-week, and year-by year.   Peace to you .

Somersky------Such a lovely plaque to honor your dear son, Skylar.

 

Margo----Sitting by the fire pit, and remembering you son, Nathan.  This is the kind of

ritual we treasure, though it is bittersweet, I agree.   I still have David's acoustic guitar.

It sits in a closet in it's case.....gathering dust.  I can't play at all.  He took lessons in

his teen years when boys that age get interested ....inspired by their rock heroes.  He

went on to get an electric guitar, and he and his best friends got together to play.  After

a few years,  he seemed to lose interest, and sold the electric guitar to a friend, but we still

have the acoustic.  Wishing you a speedy recovery after your upcoming surgery.

 

I also think that more needs to be said about suicide, and the sorrow it causes everyone

 

Kate---The Icelandic festival and the Viking re-enactment sound so very interesting.  So

nice that so many people come to enjoy it.

 

Dianne-----Thanks.......so very glad that you came back to BI.

 

Dee------That must have been a very devastating experience for ERi and her friends,.......when the boy took

his own life by playing Russian Roulette .. .......How awful and sad that the boy died.  Also, it will be sad and

difficult, I'm sure, for you to go to the viewing of dear Gillian. Bless her little soul. So hard to find the words.

I think there no words, really.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisaamom,   Sherry

   

 

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Tommy's mum

somersky what a beautiful plaque how thoughtful for friends to get that for you. I get that it must make you feel very emotional and miss him more but an honour to have a very public remembrance of Skylar.

hugs to all our members

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Somersky,

Is there a significance to the train?  What a wonderful gift.

Many years after my Uncle died, I asked my Aunt how her grief had changed.  She said " I got used to doing things without him, but I never stopped missing him."

I think this applies to me.  I do not look for Brian anymore.  

Colleen, Brian's Mom former 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Somersky...I am thankful that you have such a circle of caring and compassionate friends....to show their deep empathy. We find that when we get on this kind of grief journey....we can not jump over it...get over it...run around it...we simply have to get through it...and no one can grieve for us....or really know 'how or what to do'.....but the simple gifts of kindness let us know we are thought of. I simply treasure what they did for you and your boy.

Sherry....I think only the parents on this site will truly understand how I needed that little one to hold on to while I watched the video....there is a lot of healing in those tiny hands...

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Yes Sherry, I think that you are right when you say that there really are no words in regards to the sadness of Gillian's death. Tonight there was a big vigil in a large park that is in the center of town. I did not go, I really have a harder time with group grief, I have a hard time containing my deep sadness and I get tangled up in all of the sadness so that it is hard for me to step away from it. I gave her parents my contact information at the visitation. I was in line for over 2 hours in order to meet up with the family, that shows how many friends of Gillian's and friends of the family attended. It was an astounding tribute to a well-loved young lady.

Sherry, how are the corn fields doing? I bought some great locally grown corn from the Farmer's Market the other day, we had some tonight. Fabulous. Some good tomatoes from my nephew's yard too. Our tomatoes are just starting to get a tinge of color. The cucumbers have been good as are the summer squash and zuchinni.

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Thank you for insight... it's true it was very thoughtful and kind.  These clients/friends have seen Skylar grow up to a fine young man so they are like family ...when Skylar passed away it impacted my "Pilates"'family too as I had to close the studio for 6 months (we drove to the Yukon and Northwest terretories then into Alaska! It really was beautiful. There are many train plaques as it is in front of an old train museum ...we have a train that runs through white rock into Washington state (Amtrak and coal trains and various other supply trains) so those plaques run along the promenade. Skylar's loss impacted the whole community..it was quite shocking. It is still very hard to comprehend that he is gone...my husband believes he is just gone away on an extended holiday?... I wish I could believe that...I do have faith I will see him again I HAVE to

 

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"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy".

Aboriginal saying

 

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Hi all. I hope as I read through posts that I haven't said or posted anything to upset anyone and I wasn't the one to call someone out. 

I haven't posted for a while. I've been dealing with a lot of stress. Financial, trying to help the friend whose son committed suicide, work, my son trying to get out and be "normal". Everything is so exhausting. 134 days my kiona has been go. Still so unreal. 

My son went swimming the other day with his friends. We love right by the river. He isn't a swimmer but his sister was. I'm not sure if he went with to try and be closer to her or what. He came home saying how his friends kind of chastised him for not swinging on the rope that was tied to a bridge and jumping in. He told them that his parents lost one child. He didn't want to risk them losing another. He is so brave standing up to them. He just got back today from a 2 day trip without parents to another town. Him and two friends went to a jump craze thing. It was pretty scary for me. He is only 16. No parents. I was prepared. I have family close to that town so I made sure everyone was ready in case something happened. 

We have suicide prevention walks here. I'm not sure they still hold their meaning. People call the town I live in "suicide capital" of the world. We are the capital of the state. Such sadness. Even as it is prevalent here, it's still not addressed right. 

The law firm didn't take my case but encouraged me to find a bigger firm closer to where I live and hopefully get the help I'm looking for. I'm not sure I have the stamina to keep going. I know I should. One day at a time. Some of my financial burden has been lifted as my dad paid off my truck but yesterday was pay day and someone hacked my debit card. All that hard work to try and get a head....gone. I haven't said anything to anyone but the cops. I'm hanging on by a thread. 

I'm going to bed now as I have a long six day stretch at work starting tomorrow. It will be that way for a while. I know though that is I feel too much happening to me both physically and mentally, I can take a day off besides Tuesday's. Thankful for understanding employers. 

Peace and love to everyone

My kiona loved her cubbie. 

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Somersky, I love that saying about the openings in the sky...I remember receiving a card after Eri died with that saying on it...it filled my heart and has ever since then, helped me through many sleepless nights, those stars shining on us All. I also received a card taht says: We are made from stars...and as it turns out, we are. The same materials in us and in stars.

Once again Somersky, the way that your clients embraced your loss, live your loss, is a testament to both Skylar and you. Does your husband grieve with you? It is so hard as most married spouses grieve very differently than one another. Are you back to leading your Pilates Groups full time?

Laurie, how are you? I feel that we haven't talked much lately and I know that you are super super busy. Are you doing okay? How is your Daughter? How is your Grandboy?

Sandy, you doing okay? Kelly doing okay?

Gretchen, I hope that you are doing well.

Becky, what about you?

Shannon, how are you holding up with the recent loss of Ashley?

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Tinay, I am so glad that your Son stood up for himself...I hope he won't swing from the rope until he knows how to swim very well. Rivers are unpredictable as it is. Now was it the same Son that went away without parents? What kind of jumping were they doing? I agree with you that suicide is not being handled well or correctly. I have a sign that hangs in my classroom that states: We must learn from our mistakes...           and we must and we should but we don't seem to be. We teach something called SECOND STEP in school, it is allegedly a social program, to teach kids how they can react to specific issues: bullying...but I find the program hollow. It wants the kids to memorize the steps if they have an issue, but I don't think it takes into consideration the many different kinds of kids there are in a classroom...not everyone is going to be bullied, some of them will be the bullies. Why? Why will some bully and why will some be the brunt of jokes, why are some more than just shy, why are some class clowns? We need kids to learn who they are in the group, and why? If they can figure more about themselves, they may be better at finding out how they can react and respond to issues that will come up. One must know themselves to undertstand the many ways that they feel in any given situation. ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL!

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, I am doing okay. Right now at my parents house, my mom had a severe infection on her leg, so I came down and am working on getting her to the doctors and meds. Still working 2 jobs. Jesse's b-day is tomorrow, and in 2 weeks infant Taylor's date. 

I have been reading along...Lesley and Susan, thinking of you both as your Angel Dates near. Hugs.

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Ericasmom...I actually started back last September (5 months after) but took weeks off here and there sometimes 2 weeks at a time but always seems to pick up and carry on as I know Skylar would want that. Clients are very patient and understanding to say the least they are amazing. Skylar was fascinated how Pilates made people feel .. he often came down to the studio for some stretching before a game or if he was sore and would leave feeling so much better. I am grateful to be able to share... it means so much.

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Tommy's mum

Today is my beloved Tommy's birthday he would have turned 26 years old, but will forever be a youthful 24. It is pouring with rain here today kinda matches my mood. I just want to curl up inside and reflect and allow the hours to pass by. Later I will pop up briefly to my special place a beautiful and peaceful very old cemetary overlooking the sea and place a rose and have a few words with my boy. Still seems unreal that he is gone. Almost 2 years since he passed yet still sometimes feels so raw it is like it happened yesterday.

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Tommy, send your mother love and support today as she remembers that special moment that they placed you into her arms. May your day be filled with loving and beautiful memories as you recall all of those happy times you shared.

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Mermaid Tears

Lesley....we are so on the same page...when it comes to wishing a child Happy Birthday ...you use to hold him in your arms..now you hold him in your heart...

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Mermaid Tears

Ok....have met myself coming and going...we are off to Port Aransas to 'celebrate' John David....tomorrow is his Angel Date....the day he left for his first home...and the Lord came with strong arms...and took him at sunrise....

John David passed at 6:43.....I looked it up...and the sun rose at 6:42.....how like him to wait til the sun rays were shining...my SONshine boy...

We will have a huge gathering tomorrow...giving a dinner for family and friends...have been cooking...shopping...organizing...for a very large crowd...we will go on the boat cruise to the Lydia Ann lighthouse on Friday morning...I am ok....Jeremy is with us...he has returned to Texas...for good. So happy about that. He said he could not take all the street people and homeless....in Portland, Oregon anymore...and the roads were getting worse and worse.

All my boys have the same 'voice'....my Mom and family and friends would always say....'I never know which boy answers the phone...they all sound alike'...thankful for the sacred strand of DNA.....but none are more like John David than Hunter Bear.

Sending new photos of our two 'new boys'....to give the parents on here a smile...that I consider dear friends...these two little boys bring a layer of healing to me...it will be Veto's first trip to Port Aransas....he will be our new beach baby....

Love to all of you....thank you for your care and compassion...will come back with lots of photos...

 

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Tommys mum and mermaid tears....thinking of you especially today as you love, honour and celebrate your angels. We do everyday I know...sending virtual love your way!!

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My girl is in heaven

Lesley. Happy birthday to your precious Tommy. My youngest son aaron is the same age.  Yes our kids are forever the age of when they left this earth. I used to try and picture what kira would look like or what she would be doing, but that was just pure torture so i try not to let my mind go there now.    It is raining here a lot too today. I hope you share a sweet moment with tommy today and he lets you know he is by your side. I am sure he is proud of how his mama has come thru so much turmoil and suffering in the past 2 tears but has managed to pull herself up and help so many others with her wise and caring words.  I checked my tommy flowers today in honour of his birthday and they r still holding on.  I think u are 6 hrs ahead of canada and have probably almost gotten thru this day.  May you have a bit of peace now as you gather your strength for the 16th. 

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Laurie, another year passes as you hold close to the loving memories of your sweet boy. Sending love your way for a truly good day.

Susan, my thoughts will be with you and the "gang" as you celebrate a life well lived by your loving boy. 

To everyone struggling with health issues...my wishes are for a brighter day tomorrow for all of you. 

Kate

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My girl is in heaven

Laurie.  Happy heavenly birthday to your Jessie David. How old would he be now?  I hope he gives you a sign today, a little nudge, a beautiful butterfly or flower that just pop up. Hugs from  canada.

Susan. Will be thinking about you and your family tomorrow on John DAvids angel date.  That must make you feel good to see all those people there to honour your boy.  The children are so beautiful and do bring a smile. Thanks for sharing them with us.  Yes god took our children home but i know he will hold them in his loving arms til we can be with them again. I know you will be surrounded by many tomorrow , but please know your friend in canada will be there with you too. Peace be with you tomorrow. 

 

 

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Lesley, May your Tommy bless  you with his love and light on this special date. I know that his date will always hold a place in your heart. I hope our Angels are partying together for Tommy's birthday.

Susan, I hope that the trip and gathering is as it has been in the past; filled by great love and friendship...and how special to have Veto's first trip to the special place. And yes, a life well lived. Right On John David for your sweet and kind manner and the way you gather everyone under your love.

Laurie, May you feel Jesse everywhere you are today...he is with you through it all. May you feel the special-ness of the day because it is 'Jesse Day.' I hope that your Mom heals...I am sure that she appreciates your assistance.

Somersky, I went back to teaching when the summer break was over, I had about 5 weeks from the time Erica died to the date of our return to school. I was unsure as to if I could do it, but in so many ways, teaching kids helped me remember one of my purposes in life, and those 6 hours a day of KID-Time, provided me time to focus on life, the lives of children, the lessons we needed to build, the ways I would love them. That group graduated from college this summer, so many years and so many dreams later. I am glad that you do what you love, we are lucky you and I, that we find goodness in our daily jobs.

 

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Tommy's mum

thank you everyone for thinking of me on my boy's birthday yesterday. The support and love really helps. I find Tommy's birthday difficult but strangely a bit happier because I think of his birth and memories flash through my mind. I still cannot look at old photos. Spent the day at home too wet to leave the house but all my kids called me and although tears were shed it was healing. When I am struggling I just isolate myself at home because those are the days I crave solitude and can't talk to anyone I just need peace and silence. Now it is another day the sun is peeping out and I have to get myself moving again. Got to go upto my parents and say goodbye to my sister and family who leave for texas tonight. It will be 3 years until I see them all again due to cost of flights etc. it has been interesting seeing them but also illustrates how I am not the same person I was before. It seems more of an effort to be loving to people I deeply care about and my emotions feel strangely blunted. I guess that is what grief does to you.

Susan and laurie i hope you made it through ok, it is just a day but what a day it is to go through.

Tinay glad to see you back its been a while.

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InHeavensKeeping

So sorry I'm late with these but you and our angels are always in my heart. 

I've been so ill still undergoing tests and had to cancel my trip over to the USA which my sister who lives in NJ had treated me to.  Will catch up I promise xx              

Lots of Love xxx

 

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Thunder is echoing off the clouds, a promise of big storms...it is the first day of Lalapalooza so it may get off to a rocky start with storms predicted on and off all evening. I am sitting here watching the sky change colors and thinking of you all, knowing your hearts and all the ways that you have had to rebuild. I am proud of you/us. We have worked to find our steps, to learn to walk and breathe at teh same time let alone, work, take care of others, cheer for others...we know what it means to use our whole selves don't we? Be proud, our Kids sure are.

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InHeavensKeeping

Diane I am also homesick for the place you describe my life was so different then. I'm so yearning for James my heart aches.

I hadnt been able to go to the grave daily as I normally do, my husband has, 

I went today and felt a great sadness overwhelm me, it felt different in my heart, I have been so ill trying to get back on my feet and for a few days completely out of it with temps in the 40's, I found it hard to cope burst into tears it's like my mind won't let me accept what my heart feels. As usual I can't explain how I feel I find it hard to put into words. 

Dee I like and am encouraged by your words and it made me think about how we have had to work hard to find those steps to move forward and how we do everyday one day at a time xx

I thought you would be interested in this. God Bless 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cora-neumann/no-one-tells-you-this-about-loss-so-i-will_b_10154122.html

 

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