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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Susan, what a great picture of John David...I remember seeing it but didn't realize the date of it...

Dee, sending lots of healing energy your way...both for hubby and for your son! It is best to take it slow with the back care...so it heals right...Thomas (my youngest) had a disc replacement this last October...it seemed to heal fairly well...

Lou Ann, those grief attacks are hard to take...it just rips the rug out from under a person...it has gotten where I can tune out some of the triggering events..but some are just overwhelming still....and physically exhausting...it is like running a marathon over and over...

Sherry, good to see your post on here...we are just getting through the strawberry picking season...our garden looks very sad this year...way too much rain...

Julian's Mom, thank you for sharing the beautiful picture of your son...this has been a very good "place" to share and have others who understand...hugs.

Lesley, perfect picture of what grief is like...

***********************

I think a few have mentioned on here about having trouble with going back to work...some days I think I am okay, and then some days I am just not. I have 2 jobs, both are flexible...but my mind loses track of details...sometimes I am in split mode...so I have to really plan ahead on what needs to get accomplished...this gets so frustrating but is my new reality.  

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Gretchen, so good to see you here, I get worried when a lot of time goes by...I am holding your hands and heart in mine as you face this sad anniversary. I am glad that you are planning to have the 3rd gathering, and the 4th. I know that Forest will be there, singing along with the music, dancing alongside you, holding you close in his deep Momma love. I hope that you hear from him today with the Angel Lady. I look forward to hearing about your time when you next write. Peace my Dear Lady.

Margo, I am thinking of your Son and feeling total calm as to his arriving and enjoying his time in Calgary, and returning safely to you in a month. I know how you feel, I know you don't want to pass your anxiety to him, allowing him his own expressions of grief, it is so hard. I have always, since I was a little girl, had a ton of anxiety, it got worse as adulthood became difficult with a rocky marriage, and all the issues fo raising kids after a divorce. It of course got worse when Erica was killed by a train...it was hard to know how to breathe and walk at the same time, from there, my anxiety has its own zipcode...I can no more make it go away than I could change what happened to my Girl, but I do work on finding ways to live with the anxiety. When I lose sight about how to do that or I need new ways to get through a time, then I have to find some new ways to work through it all.

Tomorrow marks what I call my holy-weeks. 14 years ago tomorrow Erica came over for dinner before going out with some of her oldest friends. She drove here from Kalamazoo, Michigan where she lived for 11 months with her Brother, Jonathan, and several new friends there. She loved living there, she was extremely happy. So she came over on the 3rd, and we enjoyed a nice dinner and then she went out with her buddies. She spent the night with her old friends and drove back to Kalamazoo the next day. On the 6th, she surprised visited me bringing 2 new friends with her. It was a magical day and I was aware of it at the time too. It just felt like the nicest most connected time for Erica and me. Before she left that day, she showed her friends the photos from her life, I had them all out on the floor  as I was actually putting them in piles in order to make both She and Jonathan a photo album for the following Christmas. It was just timing you know? She came over just when I was doing this, and she narrated each photo for her friends, I got to hear her take on everything in those photos. What a gift. Then outside in the yard, I asked the girls to stand together near the bee-balm. I took three photos, that was all the film left on the roll of 36. I walked them down the block and they carried on to Erica's Dad's house three blocks away. I felt so energized by that visit. In fact that evening I was talking to some friends  and saying how settled I felt in my heart with Erica having found her stride. That was the last time I saw her as HER! The next time I talked to her was on the phone on July 8th. I was taking a walk and called her...we laughed enjoyed our talk and said, " I love you" before hanging up. One half hour later her car was struck by an AMTRAK at a broken crossing. The call came about 40 minutes or so after Erica and I spoke, and it was not until we got to Kalamazoo, that i found out it was  a train that hit her car. The person on the phone said that she was in an accident and that we needed to get there. It was a 3 hour drive, rainy night. The person on the phone was the chaplain, which I also did not know until I got there. Erica lived for 6 days never awake...in fact I felt that her spirit was sitting on the bed-rail when I saw her. She was no longer in her body. All of her friends and family came to Kalamazoo, stayed for 5 days and saw her each day and bid her well on her final journey. They sang around her bed, they painted her toe nails pink, they told her everything that they wanted her to know, they went out...over 80 people, to get tattoos about Erica. By the way, the three photos I took of Eri and her friends are the only ones that came out from that roll of 36. It was as though life just prior to that day...no longer existed. 

She lives on. Our Children live on in the lives and hearts of everyone that they love and care for. Our memories need to be allowed, need to be relished, need to be let free to the skies and heavens and let the energy of them shine on. Thanks for listening, this is my annual spill of my heart. I am sure that there will be more.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, do you have a copy of the picture of the 3 girls together?

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Kate and Laurie, thanks for your good thoughts for Jonathan and John. They are both fiding their way. Jon is dealing with a good deal of pain, but he is getting better. John is fiding that sometimes he does too much during a day and feels crappy in the evening. Oh if I could only make it all okay with my love alone.

Kate, love the Canada facts...had no idea that 60% of polar bears lived in Canada. I would guess you are right Kate, folks not understanding what it is to be to the point of suicide... thathtere are many facets to depression and to suicide. Prayers.

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Laurie, I will post it. Thanks.

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Erica is on the far left, Sarah in the middle, and Heather on the right. It was odd,Eri and Sarah looked sad in the photo, they hung out so much in Kalamazoo, that folks called them each: Sarica. The photo has a cloudy appearance or foggy, all three did and this was the best of the three.

Laurie, I forgot that your Son had back surgery. My Son's surgery involved a fusion, and spacers. I just pray that he can heal all the way, so glad that your Son has done well with his healing.

Lesley, I love the picture of grief as iceberg. Isn't that the truth.

Susan, such a nice photo of you and John David and your Grandboy. Is that Hunter?

EriLast.jpg

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My girl is in heaven

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

To all my American friends!!

:D while I know this day will bring back memories of years past, I hope you can all create new happy memories with your families.  

Dee thank you for sharing some of your Ericas story. It really is important to keep those memories alive as painful as they may be.  Erica sounds just as beautiful on the inside as she was on the out.  And loved by so many.  I look forward to hearing more about her and you  as her Angel date gets closer.  I know this will be a difficult month for you but remember we are all here for you.  I hope John and Jonathan are both recovering well.  

 

 

 

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Tommy's mum

A peaceful July 4th to all you Americans. As parents I believe we are all becoming independent from our grief day by day.

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JD's Mom, Becky

IMG_20170509_115405.thumb.jpg.0a37f9e9efe485025e24075b26969f60.jpg 

Therefore I will tell it every chance I get!

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Jeff's Mom

Lou Ann...you phrased it beautifully. I agree completely.

Happy 4th, of July! So much to be grateful for. Enjoy the day.

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Tommy's mum

Not being doing well for a few weeks. Went to my psychiatrist and he has increased my medication and made sure my mental support worker who is on sick leave is being immediately replaced. I am sharing because I think it is important for us all to recognize when we are not doing well and ensuring our own self care by asking for more help.It may be temporary, caused by an angelversary or birthday but if it lasts longer than a few weeks or you notice a slow decline in mood it is best for everyone if you get some help and not put yourself on the back burner, because we owe it to ourselves to get better and we are very important to others. Thanks

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Jeff's Mom

Lesley, I am so glad that you recognized the need to reach out for additional support. We need to take the initiative regarding our own welfare. It is a bumpy road for sure that we walk. Have you had a chance to do much gardening the past few weeks? Our weather has been a mix of both sun and cloud. The temps are actually quite pleasant and not too hot. 

Dee, reaching across the miles and sending a warm "HUG" as you recall those last few days of Eri's life. Thank you for sharing those very moving and personal last few days...we all understand how hard it is to relive them in our mind.

Gretchen, how did the tournament go? Let us know when you can how you are doing. 

Diane...hope you are ok.

Sandy, how are you? How is Kelly?

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Lesley, sending gentle thoughts your way. I agree that one should self-care. I still have Lorazapam as a back up medication. I had to switch doctors early on to keep this prescription which now, I only use once in a while. Are your parents able to help you with emotional support? My mom (and dad) have been there as my sister. Also, just going outside for a bit...and making sure you are touching the soil with your bare feet...it helps for reconnecting as I felt like I was on an alien planet afterwards... and just finding a sunny spot to relax in (vitamin D)...that is what my mom does when she gets depressed. She also has had 2 child losses, my adult sister, Julie in 2003, and an infant son as well. Hugs.

Dee, thanks for sharing that last picture of your daughter. I asked Christina to look at it too. It almost seems to me that the cloudy overlay has a pink cast to it. Or maybe it just appears that way...and her bandana looks pink. I was thinking about that because of the pink cloud outburst you said happened right after she left to go "home".  You have had a lot on your shoulders the last few months, with hubbie and now your son. Try to get some health smoothies in and maybe some D vitamins. 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you Becky for sharing Jared's picture! 

Beautiful Lion

 

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My girl is in heaven

Lesley.  Is there anything in particular that triggered your sadness.  Sometimes like when I heard a song from six years ago the other day, it put me right back to that time with all it sites and sounds and colours.  I really felt I was in a time machine and could not stop it til that song was over.  Those are the ones you dont see coming.  I have to get my medication tweaked up a few times and continue to find the right mix of antidepressants and sleeping pills.  Hopefully that's all you need is some tweaking in your meds.  I hope you like your doctor that can mean a lot to feel you are understood.  Thank you so much for sharing and letting us know we don't have to always feel 100 % . Is the weather dreary there again? Have you had a chance to get out in your garden and enjoy your Tommy flowers  ? Please lean on us as much as you need.  You always have such kind and wise words and I feel inadequate to help you back.  But I am wishing you peace and much healing to lift you up and find your place again. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing. I hope you can feel my hugs all the way to England. Take care my friend.  

 

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie....you are right on.....walking barefoot...in the grass...dirt....digging in the dirt...weeding...just being in Mother Nature has healing...and the sun can give us 'power'....not the highly charged power but it does us good to get that vitamin D flowing. When we hit those low spots we head for the couch or bed...grief is so exhausting....I find (for me) the longer I sit or lay....my energy seems to evaporate from my body. The first 3 years the 'shock suit' fit so tight...thinking was foggy...like living in a heavy mist that weighted my body and mind down. We are so unique...and each of us will have a unique grief experience/journey...and each will have a unique grief reaction in emotional and physical issues. 

Divianz...many on this site have had to struggle with the court systems flowing like a frozen river. You will now have the surgery you so need. Years ago..I had to have a hysterectomy...but...my Dr...(I have only gone to women Dr.s since I was 16) told me 3 years before I needed the surgery. I...for some unknown reason...thought my body would heal itself. No...it didn't ...then after the surgery...I scolded myself for putting myself through 3 years of misery. A Doctor can do the surgery needed....but the patient must...be responsible for their recovery. A Dr. can only do so much. My Dr. told me IF I followed all the recovery rules I would have a successful recovery..my tummy would be as flat as it had always been....and all my organs would be in place. Women that don't follow the orders can have many issues...so...put yourself first after surgery. Your son will benefit in so many ways with being away and with family. It will be a healthy break for him and he will be stronger because of the visit. Kids are very resilient but faced with the death of an older brother...it can really turn their world upside down...for years. I feel sad for the siblings whose parents use them as grief counselors....for they do not have the power or intelligence to give the parent any answers or know how to deal/heal the parent's grief.

Dee....Jon will need to concentrate on his recovery period. Daniel may be facing back surgery in the near future and I dread it but it may be the only avenue for relief from back pain/issues. You have had a full schedule of health issues with your husband and son....but happy they are on the mend...and so glad you are there to help with those adorable children. I am so glad you shared your story of Eri....and look at that photo...she is just brimming with summer fun...carefree with friends...as it should be. Thankful for photos. Yes...that is Hunter Bear in that photo...this is him now in the photo I am sending...he is at the Grand Canyon.

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Such a handsome photo of Hunter Bear...he is a deep well of love, a lot like John David. Thanks Susan, I have sweet memories and need to indulge in them at this time each year. I hope that Daniel won't have to go through the surgery Susan, but if he is in daily pain, then I guess it offers that hope of feeling more able and fit. 

I agree Laurie, the pink cast to the photo is another sign of Erica and she was wearing a pink bandana.

Thanks for the hugs Kat, they are being felt and greatly appreciated.

Tommy's Mom, I am sorry that you are feeling more anxious and low. We are never prepared to feel these ways...take heart if you can knowing that you have felt better than you do now, and you will again. I have found in the past and still this many years later, that often times when I sink down low, there are things I have to figure out, some kind of discovery that is needed before I can rise up again. I hope that you find a nugget of gold and are able to rise up again soon. But you will. I am grateful too, for my close relationship with my sisters, it is in those relationships and those with my nieces and nephews, folks that knew Erica for all her life, that help me out the most. I see her in them and it makes me so glad to have that. I am glad that you reached out for extra assistance, it is the most important thing...taking care of one's spirit and self. How else do we honor our Kiddos?

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Hello   to   all   INDIGOS.

LouAnn-----I, so, understand your unhappy time at the mall.  Places

where our dear children used to go can be a painful experience to go through.

I, too, went to a mall that David used to go to a lot. I went alone, and not too

sure just why I did.  (Sometimes I think I just "tested" myself to see how I was doing

on this lousy journey.)  It was fairly soon after he died.  I was there for a short time.....

and like you.....music was playing, I saw the music store and all the other stores

he would go to.  Just so very painful, and tears were brimming.....I had to leave

there, and have never gone back.  It's understandable that you were so upset.

Grief is like an octopus sometimes it just grips our hearts, and can't let go.

Peace & comfort to you, friend.

Dee------I agree.....ERi's spirit was there with you in her hospital room, but not

in her body......she had already gone to her heavenly home....the pink clouds were

one of her loving signs to you.  Nice that all the family & her friends could say

goodbye....although heart-wrenching, to be sure, for everyone.

I felt the same way about David's spirit......gone to his heavenly home.  His voice/spirit told it

to  his sister Rebecca after he died, and before the funeral......he said   "all I know is that I

was sitting in traffic one minute, and the next minute I was in heaven".  She told me about

this, and I have kept it close all these years.   ERi's little pink spirit was with you that day,

and will always be with you. Thinking of you in the days leading up to ERi's Angel Day   Peace.

 

Lesley----I'm sorry that you are in a dark place, but I think you are wise to reach out for

the help you need.  Often we think that no one could possibly help, but find out that

there is help and understanding from professionals.  Sending prayers.

 

Laurie-----Nice that you have your own strawberries.  We have black raspberries...they are

about done for the season now.  Our garden is doing well......we've had rain, but not too

much, so the plants are really coming along well.  We have onions, & lettuce now. Tomatoes

will be coming ripe in a few weeks.

 

Susan------thanks for your pic of your Hunter Bear at grand Canyon.  He is a handsome young man.

 

WISHING PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry   

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My girl is in heaven

Sherry. Thank you for sharing your story about the mall.  That is exactly what happened to me. I used to love shopping with Kira. One of the last times we went together we stopped at Laura Secord for an ice cream cone. By the time we got to the car she had eaten hers and then the rest of mine.  On her Angel date I always have an ice cream cone and toast her. It is  amazing at how many triggers those malls hold.  A store, a song playing, a food place, mothers with thier teenage daughters, all things I would never have paid any attention to before.  And most people still wouldn't.  But as a bereaved parent it is like we have an extra sense to things that others don't notice. My shopping now consists of a quick walk through Wal-Mart ladies department picking up what ever is on sale in my size. I don't care what it looks like and I don't try anything on.  If Kira can't go pick out a nice outfit and try it on anymore then I don't want to either. It is so unfair that I am here and she is not .  That is so amazing what your David said to his sister. I wish I had a memory like that to hold on to.  Kira had been gone for awhile when I pulled her out of that tub and I never got to see her spirit leave . But the doctor who was explaining to me how very peaceful Kira's death would have been said to me "one minute she would be having her shower and the next she would be saying, hey here I am in heaven".  I will never forget those words.  It gives us something to hold on to.  Well I'm starting to feel the tears coming. Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts. 

  

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Sherry, I did not know that your Daughter received that message from Davey...I am so glad of it and I am sure that you have that knitted into your soul. He did not have pain, he was just on a different playing field all of a sudden. God bless him for letting you know. I do believe you went to the mall to test yourself too, I went and just stood in Nordstroms junior department touching all of the fabrics that Erica would have liked, I cried outloud and just told sales people that I was grieving and just had to be there. I felt being there was important as though Erica was there with me.

Our gardens are also blooming like crazy but the animals are eating and destroying so many flowering plants. Breaks my heart since my Husband puts his heart and soul into making the garden look beautiful for our ERI-Fest, which is on the 16th of this month. The beggies are doing well, squash and tomatoes are growing overnight...no tomatoes yet, but flowers are in place. Some peppers and herbs are growing and at the school garden we have eggplant, beets, lettuce, kale, tomatoes, peppers, yellow summer squash, beans...oh and herbs.

Laurie and Colleen, I do believe you are getting more rain, we aren't, it is going north and dodging south....but boy it is humid. Stay safe.

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Mermaid Tears

Sherry...you have been here for so long...and I am grateful...although I know I was not present when your grief was so new..so raw...but here you are helping all of us...the message sent to your daughter from your son...is...something you can hold on to...and me, too. Thank you so much for being here for all of us 'new' parents put on this grief journey....

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Tommy's mum

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. My point in posting was not to get sympathy votes !!  but to reiterate the point that although grief brings high and lows, sometimes more help is needed to keep you on the right track when the depression lasts longer than a short while. The weird thing about depression is that there are often no triggers it is just a persisting low mood, and /or sadness and or low activity and motivation. I suffered with depression before Tommy was killed and had medication but afterward it spiralled out of control and I had a breakdown. The other point I wanted to make is that sometimes your body gets used to a dosage and needs an increase. Sometimes under doctor supervision a decrease. It is a fine balancing act to keep everything at a good level to keep you safe and functional. It is great to be part of this online community thanks.

I saw my nephews and nieces for the first time in 3 years today, and as I feared lost it a bit when I saw my eldest. he is so like my Tommy to look at. i was really embarassed and he kind of kept out of the way a bit bless him. My sister was very understanding and the younger 3 had obviously been prepped so they did not acknowledge or ask why i was crying. I kept it to a short visit and think I will just have to expose myself slowly and adjust to seeing such a living, breathing visual reminder. I hope I can adjust and not make his visit awkward, it is not his fault he looks so like his cousin and i dont want him to avoid me. It is so different seeing someone in the flesh so to speak, way different than a one dimensional photograph. I shall consider this experience exposure therapy! Wow life can be so bloody difficult sometimes!

 

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Lesley,

It sure can be really difficult to get through sometimes. I'm glad you did okay, and that you are well enough to post and explain your emotions. It really does help those of us going through similar experiences.  You are a treasure. It was kind of your sister to talk to the children before hand.  That can be very uncomfortable, so it was very compassionate of her.  My sister bought us a month of Blue Apron meals after Nathan was killed, since she lived too far away to bring us meals.  It was such a kindness for us, and the fact that we cooked them together as a family made it even better.  Gave us all a reason to drag us out of the depths to come together and be close. A blessing.

I have lab tests tomorrow, for the pre-op physical even though the surgery is still 3 weeks away. And I also have to do a colon prep, so that's something to look forward to! (sarcasm)

I've actually come into work today despite not feeling up to it and I regretted it as soon as I arrived but I'm trying to make the most of my time in the office and touching base with everyone I need to face-to-face so that they know I still exist.

 

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Lesley, glad that you saw your nephew and that the ice is broken a bit...good that your Sister gets it...I like your words: exposure therapy. Good luck there.

Divianz, I sure hope your labs come back good, though I know it is NO FUN prepping for colonoscopy. I hope you feel better soon.

 

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My girl is in heaven

Lesley. You are so right that the meds can be a balancing act.  After five years I was up to 12 pills. Absolutely crazy. I didn't know if I was coming or going.  It is also important to have a good Dr. The one I had would rather just keep writing me prescriptions than talk to me.  I have been on the same sleeping pills for 6 yrs and they sure don't work as good as they used to. So that is so true you may need increases or decreases. The only thing I would caution anyone on is to not go off of pills cold turkey. I did as this Dr wouldnt help me to wean, and I got very sick physically and then fell into a really deep depression. This lasted about 3 1/2 months and I wouldn't wish that on any one.  Thanks for bringing this important topic up.  I hope you can adjust to your nephew. Pictures are difficult enough but a likeness in person would be very difficult to deal with.  Hope your mood starts to pick up and you enjoy your company. I love the lost poem you posted. 

Devianz. Good luck with the pre op test tomorrow. Yes i have heard colon preps are lots of fun.  I hope your feeling better than before. 

Dee.  That picture of the girls has a different hue to it. Like a filter or something. Was that the last picture of Erica?.  I wish you strength and peace as you walk those long days up to the anniversary date. Thank you for sharing your story about Erica. Seeing she had left for her heavenly home must have been both sad and comforting. I wish i had such a memory. Hope your men are both recovering well. 

 

 

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Yes Louanne, that is the last photo of my Girl, from 14 years ago. It was on this day that she brought those two women over and surprised me with a visit. I did not know that she was back in town, that girl loved to drive. I honestly have never been able to understand time since Erica died...it still is an abstract to me. While I get it of course, that 14 years have passed, I am equally in disbelief...what have I done for all of these years? It seems that it could only be a few years that she was here. Time is the one thing that remains an oddity to me. The moon is shining in the window, full or almost anyway. A bright halo around her, like an angel's halo.

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My girl is in heaven

Oh Dee, we just joyfully snap an innocent photo of our beautiful child like we've done hundreds of times before and never in a million years did we think it would be the last one we have of them.  For Kira she was just holding her cat. You mentioned Erica loved to drive.  Kira got to drive once on her own before she died.  She was looking forward to driving to the beach that summer and was worried with only two cars her brothers would have them all the time. Your Erica could have chosen to drive anywhere that day but she chose to visit her mama bear . Time is an odd thing.  Our girls don't measure it anymore as we do. My chaplain said where they are is so beautiful that it is beyond anything we can comprehend  here on earth.  I hope your girl, your beautiful Erica, shows you little signs of her presence and she guides you thru these days leading up to the 14th.  Stay strong my dear friend.  

 

 

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Bless you Louanne, for your sweet care.

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Tommy's mum

Devianz good luck and stay close to the toilet my friend, it can be quite tiring. Hope everything goes well. I appreciate your kind words to me. This online community is so valuable to encourage and help others going through the grief journey. i see nathan's angelversary is coming up this month too are you doing ok?

Dee you are right about the distortion of time. I think it is great you still come on and post encouragement and wise words to all our members. In your mind how old is Erica? I will always think of Tommy as 24 I mourn his birthdays but don't figure out his age its weird. My other kids get a year older but Tommy stays perpetually youthful because that is when time stood still for us all. His photos will never change so that memory I have of him is at 24 and living in Hawaii. What do other members think? Do you calculate your child's ages or are they always at the age they passed? i will be thinking of you as the angelversary arrives it is such a sad time, but also a time to reflect on your happy memories of her growing up. She came to see her mom and that will always be a special memory for you. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement and support. I plan to just have short visits with my family until I feel stronger mentally and emotionally so I dont spoil their visit.

luann thanks for your support. You seem to have blossomed since joining us here. Your kindness and concern for others is touching and well received.

mermaidtears i always look forward to seeing your quotes. They give me insight and self reflection and always get to the heart.

jeffsmom yes I try to potter around my flowerbeds when the weather is ok it does give me a peaceful feeling. I think its a mother's need to nurture.

Laurie i liked the iceberg because it is so accurate a picture of grief, so much more hidden under the surface that cant be seen

Sherry thanks for the encouragement and quotes I appreciate your thoughts.

have a "good" w/e everyone

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Jeff's Mom

I am feeling horrible today. I spoke to a friend who told me that her husband passed away in his sleep yesterday. She found him in the morning when she woke up.He was such a decent guy. My heart aches for her. Please keep them in your prayers.

Kate 

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My girl is in heaven

Kate. So sorry to hear that.  Did he have any heart problems.  How old was he? Will be sending out prayers to that family.  Take care for yourself. I think funerals are a lot harder on those of us who have had to bury a child.  

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Hello my friends,

Tommy's Mom...That is what I call it....Exposure therapy.   The first time I go into a tough situation...it will be really hard.  I would determine if I want to continue getting used-to this situation or ignore it all-together.  If I want to get used-to it, I continue to expose myself and each time it gets a bit easier.  There are set-backs, but there is also progress.  This exposure therapy is how we get back into life again.

Dee,  our yard is a rain-forest.  We get rain almost daily.  I enjoy it.  Beautiful flora.

Kate - prayers said here for your friend.

The time between Brian's angel day (6-19) and his birthday (7-12) are very difficult.  I dwell on "what would he look like, be doing? ". I know that I can sit on that stool and brood for a while, but I cannot stay there.  I need to get up, get out, and,live again.  Brian would be very disappointed in me if I gave up on life.  I want my boy proud of me.

love

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Kate, I am so sorry that your friend passed away and that his wife is left with this loss. I know that it is shocking when with such suddenness someone is gone. Prayers for your friend and for you and Ross.

Tommy's Mom, I always think of Erica as she was that day in our yard and on the phone a few days later: 19 years old. She was on the cusp of so much. I do always say that my Girl died at 19 but if she were here she would be...33. So I include her 'would-be; age, but to my heart, 19.

Colleen, every night I hear the news saying, RAIN IN WISCONSIN, and I think of you and Laurie and wonder how much moisture you have had. Glad that your garden is fairing well with it all.

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Jeff's Mom

Thanks for your prayers and kind words. I have been in shock all day. My heart aches and I am sick to my stomach with sadness. He was such a kind-hearted and decent guy that helped me when Ross had his surgery. He and his wife live close by and  they are dog lovers much like ourselves. I gather the autopsy will give us more details as to what actually happened. It was his wish not to have a service. Colleen, you are so right. Get out there and live as if each day is your last. 

It looks to be a wonderful weekend as far as the weather is concerned. Highs in the high 20's C. Sunny and a nice breeze. We have counted 125 tomatoes on the plants that Ross has planted. He is grinning like a Cheshire cat every time he talks about them. Not much rain to date so a ton of watering.

Wishing you all a really peaceful few days ahead.

Kate

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi everyone I've been very ill rushed into hospital last Friday with sepsis temperatures all week of 39/40.  Been so poorly wanted to tell you all but just didn't have the strength have to have major surgery on my kidney may loose it can't take this in can't understand my life is such a mess now just wanted you all to know x

Gid Bless gxx

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My girl is in heaven

Oh Georgina. How much can one person be expected to handle.  I'm so sorry that you have been so unwell.  I hope and pray for your speedy recovery.   Is your surgery soon? I hope Charlotte is strong enough to look after herself now.  I wish I was there to help you with things. I know it must feel like it's raining on you everyday, but sooner or later it will stop and sunshine will find its way in again.  Wishing you all the strength to get thru this.  Look how much you have already endured.  Keep going my friend.  You are stronger than you think.  Hugs from Canada.  Keep us posted the best you can. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jeff's Mom

From past experience I have learned that we are tougher than we give ourselves credit for. Just when we feel we can't take any more it often seems as if we are hit yet one more time. Georgina, oh my, how is it possible? Please know that we are all sending our wishes for a good outcome to your surgery and our thoughts will be with you during this difficult time. Good luck!  

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Georgina, my goodness prayers are accumulating all around your family, blessing you with positive hope and energy. We want you to heal, we need you to heal. James is there with you holding your hand..and we are all holding your hands as well. You must just do as the Doctors want now, it is time to just take care of YOU! We love you.

 

Kate, that is a lot of tomatoes, tell Ross that I am very impressed. I hope that your friend will lean on you when she needs, the shock of his departure is likely going to wake her in the night, and stun her and you all, several times before it is absorbed...

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Tommy's mum

kate sorry you lost someone who was so good to you and your family, it is never the mean or nasty people who are taken too soon is it? My friend always told me its because God does not want them either so keeps them on earth. I dont know, its hard to understand isn't it? You will be there for his wife as she struggles to find her way especially in the earlier days returning the kindness and friendship they showed you. Maybe that is why we have all been chosen, to be able to help others in their time of loss although it is not a role we volunteered for.

georgina I am sorry you have been so poorly as if you have not had more than enough to deal with. Still you are a warrior so somehow you will be able to tough it out I hope you feel better soon.

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Mermaid Tears

Kate....your friend will really find out what a true friend you are....your path on the grief journey will give you a way of showing empathy very few know how to. How old was your friend ? I so remember when my parents entered in that 'time'....when their long and dear friends were passing away. Their world was changing and there was nothing I could do but stay close and love them.

Georgina....many on this site are thinking of you. It sounds as if your kidney has been giving you lots of health issues and many infections. When the bad kidney is gone...I think your health issues will resolve. It will take time...and there is only so much a surgeon can do....you will have to be a partner with them...and your recovery team to get you back on your feet. We are praying for you.

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InHeavensKeeping

Just wanted to say thank you for your kind words and thoughts it really means so much to me. I'm home now for two weeks to finish the course of antibiotics before they start the tests needed for my kidney surgery I'm not certain I can handle this I'm feeling so worn out just completely overwhelmed. This is a hard time of year for me approaching James's angelversary just miss him so much. 

God Bless xx  

 

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Jeff's Mom

Georgina, I am glad you are now at home for this brief period. It is always so much more comfortable in your own familiar surroundings to recoup. Try to rest as much as you can and know that everyone here is behind you all the way. 

I had a nice visit from my friend this afternoon. She stopped by to sit outside to relax for a bit and we talked about things. I agree that she seemed to feel I had a better understanding after losing Jeff. She is doing as well as can be expected. We all know those early days and can relate to the shock. I sent some food over as I knew she was not really interested in eating. I do admire her for her stamina.

It was a wonderful weekend as far as the weather was concerned. They held an Antique Car show in Gimli today and there were throngs of people up to take in the event. Also, the beaches were laden with people trying to get away from the city for some sun and relaxation. We walked into Jeff's bench a couple of times and just sat and watched the water lapping on the shore. The pelicans and gulls kept us company. Such a peaceful setting. I counted ten types of wildflowers as we walked back. The scent was lovely.

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.

Kate 

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Dee-----Your story of going to Nordstrom and looking at all the things that ERi

would have liked sure serves to give one more pain in the heart.  Sorry that the

bugs etc. are destroying the flowers that your husband has worked so hard to

grow for the beauty at ERI FEST.  It's a never-ending battle with insects and other

hungry pests.  Hope you have lovely weather for the celebration of sweet ERi's life.

 

Susan----thank you for your kind words. Yes, I've always held onto that message

that Davey somehow conveyed to his sister, Rebecca.  Of all the things people

said to me after Dave died,  when Becky told me....that was the most comforting ,

and the one thing I hold onto. thanks for the screen shots....love the one  that said  "Grief is Love Weeping".

How true.

 

LouAnn----I imagine that the Dr's words that Kira went peacefully is also something

that you hold close to your heart.  A lovely thing for a Dr. to say to the family.

 

Lesley------Glad that your visit to your sister went ok.  Good that you kept the visit short,

and at that point, it was not too stressful. Thanks for the screen shot....."lost future".

It's that "what might have been"  that always causes pain.  Glad that you are getting

help and have meds.  With the loss of a child.....it's not the time to trudge along when

we know in our hearts that we need help.  People may tell us we are strong....and we

are....but when we need help...we need help, and it is wise to seek it. Peace to you.

 

Kate----Sorry to hear of your friend's  passing. Sending up prayers for his peaceful

rest & repose.

 

Georgina-----Oh, friend Georgina.....I'm so sorry to hear of your illness, and of your

upcoming surgery.  You have had so much to deal with.....and the stress is harmful.

Sending lots of prayers for your recuperation.  Peace & prayers.

 

PEACE    TO   ALL.

davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

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My girl is in heaven

Georgina.  Please take this time at home to rest. Is there anyone who can come help with things.  How is Charlotte doing? I know you are worn out and don't feel you can handle it.  But you can, you are strong.  I can't believe how many bad turns you've been dealt but you have made it thru.  I know how much you miss your precious James, I know how much it hurts.  I'm sure he is with you cheering you on.  Please take care. 

Kate.  I'm glad you were able to comfort your friend. There is nobody who understands loss better than a grieving parent. 

Lesley. I think you are rigjt in that somehow we were chosen to help each other. And absolutely nobody understands unless they too have lost a child.  The only people am friends with are other grieving parents.  And for all of us from all over the world to be brought together in finding this website.  I think we were meant to be here for each other. But yes none of us wanted to sign up for this. How is your family visit going. I hope you feel more comfortable around Tommys look a like cousin

 Well I went to my first wedding yesterday since Kira died. It was for my nephew.  I did my best to hold my head high, make pleasant with people and compose myself the best i could.  No one in that place knew how many times i would think that my Kira would never have her day or how she should be there for her cousins wedding.  Or how I would look around at all my family who have long since abandoned me in my grief journey . A sister who didn't even remember Kira's Angel date this year. My niece and nephew who have tattoos of Kira came over and showed them to my husband.  I thought we were going to completely lose it. But as much as it hurt at least they were remembering her.  I put on a good show of being happy for my nephew, I didn't break my stride , only to myself.  Yes just a big room full of happy drunk people who have long forgot my precious girl.  What they lived with for a day or two six years ago my husband, son's and I have lived every minute of every day for six years and as long as we will live.  How could they all just dismiss her like that, like she was never here or didn't matter. I thought maybe a picture some where, a toast a mention of her name. While I know weddings are happy events, I sure hope my boys will let thier sister into thier special day when that happens.  Not one kind or compassionate bone in their bodies.  I have always said they never thought how sad that a young girl lost her life or of that pain her parents and brothers would have to live with.  They only thought " well I'm glad it wasnt my kid"  . I know I didn't truly understand child loss until it happened to me but I know I would have never been able to be that insensitive and uncaring for people who are suffering so.  I did my duty the best I could, that's all I could do.  I was just thinking if my boys do get married some day I would far rather have all of you guys come than my family.  Honestly I would.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sherry, it is funny, I had to immerse myself in the places and things that I did with Erica in order to move forward...I can't live in a day without music much of it reminding me of all parts of my life, and especially the times that my Kids were young...I need that in my life and welcome it as a means to acknowledging the joy of those times as well as the struggles. I cooked a recipe of onion and cayenne pepper and garlic and cooled it and put it in a spray bottle  to spray on our plants to deter deer, chipmunks, and beetles from eating our plants...so far it seems to have helped.We finally got rain here early this morning and a promise of more. All of the rain has parted to go north and south of us leaving us high and dry half of June and into July until today. So the trees are smiling. It can rain each day this week, but not SUNDAY when we have Eri-Fest in the yard.

Georgina, my goodness being home probably feels pretty good. Stay put and do exactly as the doc ordered please. I know you don't know if you can go on like this, so let the doctors adjust and remove what is causing your physical issues and then it will be time to take TIME. You will need to want to heal, and I would guess that Charlotte and your other loved ones want that to happen.

Kate, I am glad that your friend came by knowing that she could rest in your company. What a heavy burden to carry forward as we all know.

One of Erica's best friends, Susannah, lost a same aged cousin this weekend, still don't know how, so prayers for Carla's Family.Only 33 and now her family has to know what this is to lose a Child.

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Dee, so sorry to hear about yet another loss. All the more reason that we can't live in the past or focus on only the future. We have to embrace the "now" is our lives and live life to the fullest. Each day is so precious. It truly is a gift. It is up to us how we embrace it. Sending prayers for her family.

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Tommy's mum

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Louann a wedding is a happy time people do not want it to be sad because it is supposed to be the "perfect" day. I guess Kira was a more distant relative being a cousin/niece so maybe that is why she wasn't mentioned.I understand your hurt and  I know your children will mention her at their special events. At my friends wedding she had large photos of her deceased grandparents on chairs in the front row as she was very close to them and they both had passed in the last couple years. I was very touched by that gesture even though I had only met her grandpa four times and not her grandma at all. The tattoos are very meaningful a permanent reminder for life. life does go on for others as we struggle to restart again there is definitely a feeling of "thank goodness it was not my kid" from others. We are the important ones who remember for life and never forget because we all lost someone so special to us. I am so proud you made it through that is a big ask and you handled it with grace and composure. Noone probably even had an idea of the pain your family still go through on a daily basis. We here get it because we also live through each day with that broken heart but i guess if it has not happened to you personally it must be hard to be aware of the lifetime of sorrow we carry. Especially as the months and years go by and we manage to get it together to function we are presumed to have got over it but that is never the case is it? There is always a familiar face missing from family photos and special occasions that tears you up inside no matter how happy the occasion is, but that is the immediate family's secret pain. Few of my family mention Tommy regularly but its ok because I do he will never be gone for me for the rest of my lifetime until I can hold him again in my arms. he will always be my eldest son, i always say I have four children when asked and he will be remembered in my heart forever. If others dont mention him that is ok I am saddened by it but I am a loud and proud Mum!

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My girl is in heaven

Oh thank you Lesley. I so needed to hear your words . They all said they would never forget her. That was a lie, just like we're so sorry.  It wasn't thier kid , so they dont care, plain and simple. I know I should be used to it by now. You are so right that we the parents will never forget  they will always be first and foremost in our hearts and minds  and yes not one person would know or care the pain we carry on a daily basis. Except you guys who totally get it.  Thank you my friend.  We are loud and proud moms. 

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