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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Mermaid Tears

Louanne....thank you for sharing those amazing photos...I see a very handsome son...and a very pretty proud Mama !! Yes...a day to celebrate. One does not see the midnight hours spent in study..tests..and classroom hours...but he deserves all the praise. I hope in the days ahead...with all of us on this site...that you may part those dark curtains and let/allow some sunshine in your life. You say you suffer from poor self-esteem....maybe the grief has been shrouding your intelligence and kindness and loving heart. The amount of..hours..days..weeks..months we grieve does not mean we love more or less for our child.

 

Sandy....I think you are already doing exactly what you should be doing for your granddaughters. In this hyped up world we live in...it seems as if it should be some sort of travesty if one is sad..unhappy...having a down day. They think they should be Miss/Mr Merry Sunshine all the time...and if they aren't..there is a pill for that. We should let/allow our child/children to have those sad days...(especially children that has lost a parent/sibling)...and you are doing the right thing in allowing them to talk about it...listen without judgement...and give comfort and understanding. They will know you are always there with understanding and a listening ear and warm and open heart. That only allows trust to form. There is simply no control in wiping it all away....but there is hope that you and they will always have each other and that is the blessing.

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Sandy, I am saying a little prayer for the girls, especially for the sadness in Becca's heart right now. I think that like us, when there is a transition, we are apt to feel the loss more acutely...school letting out, camps beginning, so much to get used to...again. and still through it all, Momma is still not here. Little hearts should not have to be broken, but oh, the love that they carry and the love that is bestowed is huge. They are growing into fine young people who will most likely be very empathetic and caring humans. Like their Grammy.

Peace

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Tommy's mum

Louann I knew you could do it because its such an accomplishment to have your child gain a degree and for a little while the joy and pride take prescedence. Noone would have blamed you for shedding tears I bet many parents who have not suffered a bereavement would be crying i know I will be at my daughter;s graduation in July.

Sandy it must be hard to witness your grandaughters pain and sadness over losing their Mom I think that would deeply affect me even if it was not my daughter that had died. That deep sadness is so emotion provoking, especially as you know it lasts a lifetime. I am glad they are able to open up and express themselves and feel so safe with you. It has to be hard to be so young and seeing other families with both their parents wishing that your Mom was still alive, heartbreaking. I wish you all healing.

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Lou Ann,

Kira and all of us are so proud of you.  The skill of moving-aside the grief and living-in-the-moment is a tough one.  You did it.

Thanks for sharing the pictures of your surviving son.  

All my friends,

This time of year is difficult for me.  Brian's angel date and birthday are approaching.  Think happy thoughts....

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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My girl is in heaven

Oh thank you so much everyone.  I'm going to tell Evan you are all happy for him. Neither mine nor my husband's family could care less (Except my one sister).  We were at the back of the line when they were handing out families.  My husband and I have always had to be parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle.  We have always tried so hard to make our kids feel important and loved.  You will never know what your support means to me.

Colleen. I am right there with you as our beautiful kids Angel date gets closer.  Maybe we can walk together and lean on each other as we get thru this next week.  Going from Evans graduation to Kira's Angel date is quite the opposite ends of the scale.  

Sandy.  It is bad enough for us as adults to have to deal with the pain and sorrow of grief but so unfair for children to carry this burden.  It is good that they have memories of their mother to.cherish. sounds like you are doing an incredible job of being thier for them thru the good days and bad.  I'll be praying for you all.  

  

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we are alll with you Charlotte's mum glad she is breathing on her own hoping she is back with you at home very soon 

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My girl is in heaven

Just typed out poem from daveydow1 from may 7th post.  I have to have it turned into paper tomorrow to get in this week's paper.  I chose a picture this year of her in her soccer uniform.  I am crying already and got a week to go.  Sorry I might need you guys to prop me up again this week.  My husband can't even read the poem or look at the picture.  

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I have been thinking lately about "where" I am in my grief. I don't know if I accept she's gone and just muddle through my day. Maybe I keep my mind busy so I don't think about her, this staying in denial. I just don't know. 

My brother invited me on a poker run. It will be my first. Another friend just got home and said if I need anything, call or text him. He will take me fishing, anything to get me out of the house. It all sounds good until I think I'm ready. Then I panic and stay home. I know I need to get out and do things. Probably still early in my grief is why I prefer to stay home. Baby steps. One minute at a time. I don't beat myself up about it. I do what I want when I want. I'm also just so tired. The poker run isn't till the end of the month, I have time. 

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Mermaid Tears

Tinay.....listen to your instincts...grief is VERY exhausting....this kind of grief is dark and heavy....and this is the time for you to put yourself 'first' on the list to be very gentle and kind to yourself. I 'cocooned' ...I cancelled every civic and social event/responsibility....but I did attend any event that related to my grandchildren. I had to reserve what energy I had to attend to my husband...family...myself. It seemed like I was feeling my way in the dark. I think you are doing what you know is the best FOR YOU. I am happy that there are many in your circle that are reaching out to you...just let them know how grateful you are to have them in your life...and simply say..'I will take a raincheck...and when I feel more balanced...I will let you know'. There is no right or wrong way to grieve deeply...or a time table to mark the progression of your grief journey. You are the 'star' of your movie...your life. Take all the time you want. The first two years my grief was raw and ragged and very painful and I found myself feeling like I was paralyzed....didn't have the energy or wherewithal to drag a dead cat out of the house. Just breathe and be.

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Susan, such apt advice and great analogy, " feeling my way in the dark". It is so. There is not handbook or light to direct you in those early months, year. There is the light from our Child, but it is often too hard to follow that light until one has found ways to allow their grief. Allow your grief. I just was in my car and listened but not to the whole article, to NPR and the discussion was with an expert on grief. A woman came on and talked about the lack of a word for Parents who lose a Child...women and men who lose a spouse or partner have a word. She felt it would be good to have a word to use, a symbol to allow our talking about our loss in brief when necessary. I like that idea. She said in Hebrew there is a word, but I had to get out of my car to do my errands and hope to hear it later on when the show is repeated. Otherwise I will look up the word as it interests me that some cultures do provide these categories for folks.

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Here is the article:

PUBLISHED May 26, 2009 IN Opinion

A Name For A Parent Whose Child Has Died

On this Memorial Day, when we remember those who have died in war, we are still without a word that identifies their survivors' loss.

  •  
 
Karla FC Holloway
Editor's Note:

 

In the aftermath of the Newtown shootings, Duke Today is reposting a 2009 piece by Duke Professor Karla Holloway on mourning the death of a child. Holloway is the James B. Duke Professor of English at Duke and author of "Passed On: African American Mourning Stories" (2002).

 

In an NPR essay nearly three years ago, I pondered over the lack of a word for parents whose child had died. I remember I said it must be a quiet word, like our grief, but clear in its claim. I recalled the word that Lady Bird Johnson wanted no part of when her husband President Lyndon Johnson died -- "widow" -- a Sanskrit word that meant "empty." She was not empty, she asserted. She was grieving. But at least she had a word to resist.

On this Memorial Day, when we remember those who have died in war, we are still without a word that identifies their survivors' loss. That denies them whatever notice formed words like "orphan" and "widow" may provide. Grief leaves a melancholy and sometimes nameless company.

I've noticed this absence for each of the days, months and even years since our son's death. I've leafed through the letters and emails from parents whose children have died, through the photographs mailed to me of T-shirts with the faces of dead children on them and images from sidewalk memorials. These were sent and shared by parents whose children's deaths inverted the natural order of things and forced their mothers and fathers to do the business of burying. That ought to have been the labor of a grown child, not a task for their parents. I have heard that there is a Chinese saying that the grey haired should not bury the black haired. Of course. It is an offense to the order of things.

This idea of orderliness and the disorder of a child's death eventually brought me back to the Sanskrit word "widow." And as creative as I thought I might be with language, as liberal as I was willing to be in borrowing a word from another language -- maybe from Swahili or Greek, French or Thai -- or even creating one myself from a collection of letters that I might shape into the meaning I needed, I returned to the language that had already given us one word. I considered that Sanskrit might locate another. And I found "vilomah."

Vilomah means "against a natural order." As in, the grey-haired should not bury those with black hair. As in our children should not precede us in death. If they do, we are vilomahed.

Each Memorial Day, there is a mourning that defies a natural order. But it extends beyond war. We need a name because of what happened at Columbine and Virginia Tech, for when a child is found beneath the rubble of an earthquake, or for dusty children who starve to death in Darfur. Our numbers grow daily -- with drive-bys and carelessness, with genocides and accidents, illnesses and suicide.

Vilomah is a name for the grief we represent. It might sound odd at first. But we have grown used to the word "widow." It's not much different, and it shares the same etymology.

And unfortunately, these days can give us ways and means abundantly to grow accustomed to a vilomah. A parent whose child has died is a vilomah. Watch the evening news and you will see a vilomah. Scan the news on the web and you will read about a vilomah. Walk through your neighborhood, there are homes with vilomahs inside.

The difference between today's grief and tomorrow's is that now there is a name. Vilomah. A parent whose child has died.

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Mermaid Tears

Thank you, Dee.....a great article....for those that has not lost a child...this absence of a word will mean nothing. I can only think that there is such physical pain and shattered hearts...we don't have the energy to look for a word to describe 'us'....and then when Mother Nature and Father Time has worked their healing on us...we find we have no word to describe 'who' we are. When I meet new people...and I meet many at gatherings...I have no problem in saying I have 6 children, 14 grandchildren and one great grandchild. John David is still my child whether he walks the earth home...or he is walking his first home. I do not tell new people I have lost a child....that makes them uncomfortable...(and it is not their fault they don't know)....and I have such a huge circle of people around me that know John David passed...I don't need any more attention...and frankly....I don't feel comfortable discussing his passing in a social gathering for it is human nature for people that don't know will ask for details...'how did your son die'? I do love the fact that some parent 'out there' has finally searched for a word...for us to give and honor ourselves.

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Tommy's mum

Interesting that there is not a word to describe bereaved parents prob because it is such an unfathomable loss it is beyond words. interesting article though Dee thanks. I personally don't like the word vilomah it does not sound right somehow, similar to vile, I shall continue to search for a nicer word.We are all of course forever parents, Mum and Dad even if our child has passed on, those titles never change. That is important and so are the pet names our children have for us. Tommy called me "Moms"  (the other three also have pet names for me) but it makes me incredibly sad that I will never hear that special pet name again.

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Vilomah does not roll off the tongue but I like that there is in, some cultures, the word that signifies the loss. I like that it is thought of enough to be given a name and that it means out of order.

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My girl is in heaven

I have read some where too there is no name because it is just too horrific to.give a name to . I have a friend who lost her only child to suicide two years ago (My son's best friend) and when I question myself why did I do that or why didn't I do this, she always reminds me that we didn't get the memo on what to do if you loss a child, we didn't get the manual.  And Tinay, i used to ask myself where am I on this journey, where should I be by now.  If someone were to ask me where were you in year 1, 2, 3, 4, etc. I wouldn't have a real definitive answer.  I know the first 6 months to a year I was in total shock and denial much like you are now.  If I didn't look at her pictures , or touch her things, if I rushed thru the funeral; if I did some thing to please God then none of it would be true and she would come thru the door again. I even thoughtI saw her chest rise at the funeral home and almost yelled it out.  I then spent the next few years being put on an increasing number of psych drugs until I could hardly function, but it blocked out my grief I couldn't feel anything.  But other than that I couldn't really say where I was at at any one time.  Sometimes I would go along very matter of factly , the next minute seeing a jar of nutella in the grocery store would just gut me.  You are right.  Baby steps, one minute at a time.  I don't look on any check off list to see if I have covered all the steps.  Is what I have learned in six years is that I am where I am right now.  You are struggling with the newness of it all.  What every you feel like is exactly where you should be.  Don't ever beat yourself up about what you should or shouldn't have done or where you should be in your grief.  I did that for years and although I have felt very bad about things I have or haven't done, one thing I know is that no parents heart could be more broken than mine, just as you feel that about Kiona.  This web site is one of the best things you could have done for your self.  You are strong (as someone reminded me) as you have lived one day past March 21st.  Hugs.  Luanne

 

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To Sweet Sherry,

I know you are almost upon the Anniversary of Your Beloved Son's Angel Date...I am holding your hands and always your heart as you mark this 14th year. Hope and Prayers go with you.

 

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Dianne and Lou ann,

Thank you for thinking of me on Friday. It was a rough day for me and I carried the anger through the weekend for the most part. It's exhausting, but the house ends up really really clean with my frustration and rage.  That's where I channel it; into scrubbing floors and walls, cleaning the oven, shaving the poor dog.... anything to keep my mind and hands busy so I don't throw things. Because I really want to throw things. Also, I find you can scream while you are vacuuming and the neighbors just assume your vacuum is on the fritz. The dog doesn't like his new hairdo so much but his fur will grow back and it's better for the summer anyway. I am however, getting a lot of side eye from him now. :)

I did get some ceramics done this weekend, a couple of cups and a bowl that turned out pretty nicely. I was feeling up to that at least.

It looks like I'll be having surgery July 31st, to remove a "number of things" but we won't know the full details until the genetics tests come back.  Then we can put together a game plan, and get 'er done... so to speak.  I have to be completely convalesced by September 11th as that will be the first day of the trial whether it is a bench trial or jury trial.  Still a long way off it seems and I still have to get past the one year anniversary.

Thank you Dianne, Dee, Susan and Lesley for sharing your personal narratives with so much kindness and wisdom. Sometimes when I am not up to posting, I just sit and read what you all write and it makes me feel so much less alone. It's a comfort to me that you are all willing to share and give us so much time, grace and courage when a lot of us are very early in our journey.  it's a big help to me, and it fills my heart so I can't thank you all enough. 

Tinay,

Let your body tell you how much it can take, and don't push yourself too much. Grief is as much physical as it is emotional, and sometimes we can push too much and find ourselves a little thin and vulnerable. Just listen to your body and take breaks where you need to.  You are a strong woman, and I am sure you were so proud at your son's graduation.  It must have been a bittersweet day, but I am sure that by wearing her bracelet, you had her with you by your side.

Sending much love and positive energy to Georgina and Charlotte, and hoping for a healthy outcome.  I'll keep you in my heart over the next few weeks.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Hello all! I am sorry not to have been here in a while. I had the rest of my top teeth extracted about three weeks ago, and been absolutely miserable and in a lot of pain. I haven't been able to tolerate the denture in my mouth as of yet, but my gums are beginning to heal and swelling is down, but still have a ways to go. I had stitches in to close the sockets where it was necessary to remove roots and leftover dental work from previous root canals, etc. In between this, I have continued to receive inhections in both eyes to try to reduce swelling of my retinas causing extremely blurry vision. I see no difference yet, but can only remain hopeful.

My daughter got a job at Ulta Beauty. In Ocean City, Md. Which is a 45 min drive from here, which worries me, but she is doing great and making good money! So n happy she has found a place where she can grow and have her talents recognized and appreciated. 

My husband mounted a bird feeder just off the corner of my front porch, which I can view from my recliner! I can't see it clearly, but am beginning to be able to tell which birds are there by their shapes and movement. The colors are very hard to see. There is a small red cardinal that visits nearly every day, and I feel Jared is trying to tell me to hang on and to try to smile. 

I don't go outside unless someone is with me for fear if falling. I do feel like my balance is somewhat improved. 

Locally, we have lost two to cancer this past week, one 12 year old girl who had battled it for eight years, bravely and cheerfully, and the other, a 30 year old woman, who died in her parents home after the doctors had stated there was no more they could do. Both were brain tumors. 

I am so happy to see many new parents here who are bravely walking their paths of grief, bringing honor to the memory of their child, now their angels.

Sherry, almost 14 years, oh my goodness, thank you for remaining here and encouraging those of us coming behind you, trying to find our way. I am always amazed at the levels of encouragement one to another here on this site. It's a beautiful thing.

My husband has about another week and he'll be out of  school where he is a guidance counselor, and hopefully I'll be able to get outside more often. 

Much love to all!JDCloudPillow.jpg.9ffb402f81e06d6afeeca809557dc7de.jpg

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Becky, my goodness you have been through so much with your physical health, I admire your bravery and tenacity with it all. I am very happy that your mouth is healing and that you feel your balance is better. So cool that your Husband put a bird feeder near your recliner. The movement and song and chatter will serve to make your heart lighter. I am super happy for your Jasmine, finding a job doing what she loves. Great news! You take it easy and soon you will be outside more which I know you love.

Hang on...

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My girl is in heaven

Becky.  Am so sorry to hear of your health issues.  I wish I lived closer and I would come take you out for a walk.  Glad to hear Jasmine has a job and is able to move on with her life albeit with out her precious brother.  She must be strong like her mom. Hope you enjoy your bird feeder. I had to take mine down as the seeds on the ground were attracting skunks and I had to have two of them removed from my yard.  I also have a cardinal hanging around but it chirps so loud I have to close my patio door.  So sad two more families having to bury their loved ones.  Nice that you feel Jared around you.  I think we all need to feel our children around sometimes.  Hope for a speedy recovery for you.  Will be thinking about you.  

Sherry. I do not know the circumstances that your son left this earth, but I see his Angel date is tomorrow and I just wanted you to know i will be thinking of you and your family on this very sad day.  May you find some peace tomorrow.

Devianz.  You should be proud of your self to get thrulast week. I was thinking of you and how strong you must be to be going thru all you have on your plate.  Please know I will be standing right there beside you on July 31 and Sept 11.  With you every step of the way.  Hugs.

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Tommy's mum

Becky take care you have been through so much I am glad your bird feeder and its visitors bring you some pleasure. Great that your daughter has a job it is good to see our other children picking up their lives and being successful despite the loss of a sibling.

Devianz you are a warrior and still have much to face stay strong.

Sherry angel dates are so very very sad I am thinking of you. I know how my mood slowly slides down in the month before and how the month itself makes me very sad and reflective.

My eldest daughter is home for a couple days before starting a new job in a different city. Lovely to have her we have talked a lot and had a good time. I always miss my children as they all live quite far away in different cities but seem all to be doing well. I have to find my groove again and get out in my garden the weather is dry but I seem to be in a bit of a slump and cant seem to get going again.

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TearsInHeaven

DAVID, A special and sad day for your family.  Put your arms round them and hold them close.  Fill them with your heavenly presence today and send a cool breeze across their faces.  Let your mom know you are with her today and always.

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DAVEY, Sweetest Son, Wonderful Brother, Loving Friend, You are missed so very much, and loved beyond the boundaries of our physical world.

Sherry...I know that the date on the calendar marks the saddest of times...I know how hard you have worked to find your life again and I am holding your hand as you step through the stones and rough spots. May you also find the sweet stories that Davey provided in his lifetime.

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Mermaid Tears

Sherry....this site brings parents together who understand....and we 'understand' the Angel Dates that can make the brightest day have many dark clouds. Today we are sending prayers and care for you and your Davey boy. I don't think even death can separate a Mother from her child.

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Mermaid Tears

Becky...our Warrior Mom....ouch !! That dental work/surgery will get better with time. I hope with time/healing your eyes will get better. You have carried a very heavy load for so long...and now your body is slowly regaining some strength...with baby steps for sure. Just remain patient and hopeful and let Mother Nature and Father Time do their magic on you. Be sure NOT to fall again !! When my Aunt's eyesight was getting to the point where she could not read she used the book tapes from her local library...she loved them. Take care.

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My girl is in heaven

Sherry.  I have been thinking about you all day.  Im only six years in but im sure no matter how many years pass, the angel date is still difficult. The day is almost over and you made it thru another June 14.  

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The sky is blue, the humidity is fading, thank heavens, and I am grateful to be home each day this week, done teaching until August.

Gretchen, you out there?

Sandy, how are the girls this week? How are you doing?

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dianne, just so identified with this, 
 

Through my unwanted knowledge of the process of grief, I’ve learned you’ll have moments where you feel 100 percent fine. You’ll go about your day feeling a semblance of what normal used to be, and it’ll feel good. You will have moments where you find yourself entertaining the fact that none of this is real. You will have moments where you wish you could have been the one to go instead of that person, so you don’t have to feel the pain of the loss any longer. You will have moments where you search for some hidden meaning of why this had to happen.... If I have learned one thing throughout this entire year, it is that time does not heal all wounds. My wound is still covered by the Band-Aid that’s holding it all together, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. If you don’t let yourself rip off that Band-Aid from time to time to let yourself see the wound or feel the pain, it will just come back to haunt you even heavier later on....It’s important to know that grief doesn’t give you a timeline. I was afraid that each milestone would make me feel further and further away from my best friend, but thankfully, it has been the opposite....

Sometimes I feel so incredibly sad wishing you could be here, living the amazing life you lead. I’ll wallow in my pity and waste my days away. But, it’s on those days I need to remember to do right by you...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Becky, I am sorry to hear of your health...sending prayers for health your way.

Georgina, thinking of you. 

Lou Ann, thank you for sharing the pictures of your son's graduation...it is hard to go to those milestone events. We had my daughter's graduation from college after my son's passing, but we made through...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Sherry, thinking of you this angelversary of Davey.

 

 

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Laurie, what a great photo of Davey...I am sure that Sherry will love seeing it and feeling the love that you and everyone here has sent. Laurie, how is your family doing? Are you still working a second job this summer?

I sure hope that Georgina is okay, that her Daughter has gotten healthy again. Georgina, we are all sending out prayers and hope to you and Charlotte..

 

 

 

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I can't believe its been a year to day I had my little lady's, funeral it still doesnt  seem real I feel soo down can't seem to get though this 

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My girl is in heaven

What a handsome young man.  And like all of our children, gone way way too soon. Even if God tells me why some day  i will never understand.  

Lesley  hope your slump has gone and you are out enjoying some nice weather and working in your garden.  Nice you had a visit from your daughter. I planted a new Tommy and Kira flower today.  I've have had two die on me already. Lol.

Georgina.  How is Charlotte?  Is she home from hospital yet. ? Still praying

for her full recovery.  

Rainie.  Haven't heard from you in awhile.  Hope everything is ok with you.  

Darcy.  Those dates are so difficult. I'm six years on Monday and some times it still doesn't feel real to me either.  But you have come thru a year, a very difficult year.  And you have to give yourself credit for that.  You will get thru  this, you are stronger than you think. You have all of us here holding your hands, rallying around you.  You are never alone.  Hang in there and hold on.  Just take one day, one hour or one minute at a time.  Hugs Luanne

 

 

  

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Tommy's mum

Hey Louann thanks for planting more Tommy and Kira flowers I also have some nice purple Kira flowers in my garden! I am ok just get down at times. I was asleep the other night and heard someone call "Mum, Mum" I woke up and was looking around but there was noone there. I went downstairs and asked my daughter what the matter was. She was really confused and looked all round the house then told me it must have been me having a dream. I wonder if it was Tommy trying to communicate with me? Nothing further happened that night it was strange.

darcy every anniversary is really painful we all have walked in your shoes and just encourage you to keep in touch with us so we can walk alongside you ok?

georgina i hope your precious Charlotte is improving each day and will soon be home.

Sherry you have made it through another year well done you, you are being so strong and brave.

Hallo to all our other members ,each one of you has a special place here with us and help to make up our little community, thanks for your input and inspiration.

 

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My girl is in heaven

Lesley. Oh I'm quite sure that was Tommy connecting with you. I think the signs come in unexpected ways and unexpected times. I was in a department store a few yeArs ago looking thru a rack of clothes.  I felt a very firm push on my back (even thru my winter coat).  I thought I had backed into someone and turned around to say sorry. But there was no one there. No customers or employees. It was kind of eerie cause I couldn't see anyone anywhere, like I was alone in the store.  I don't know if it was Kira or not, but it sure was strange. 

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Darcy, I am sure that this day holds a great many images and much sadness for you. The anniversary time is very hard, it is still impossible for me to get through July without traveling through each event that led us to the last moments of Erica's life. That was nearly 14 years ago. Erica remains a part of my everyday, she is a bright force in my life.

I hold your hands as you travel through this very difficult mark of time.

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Mermaid Tears

Father's Day is upon us....and I am reminding all the parents on this site to pay some extra care to the men in your life. Men and women grieve in different ways...do not make the mistake that they carry their grief better....or that they don't grieve deeply.

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Tommy's mum

mermaidteara you are absolutely right, the dads should not be forgotten esp with fathers day coming up. men and women show grief in very different ways but still feel the pain and loss very acutely they are not always able to show their emotions. I love the quotes you posted too.

Louann I think it was Tommy too and that push you felt was your Kira. Some things cant be explained and give us small comforts.

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We used to have several fathers posting quite regularly over the years...I think of them: Greg, Andy, Wade, Chris, Bob, and several others long ago...Blessings to you for your heart is no less broken than a Mom's heart.

Peace one day-

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My girl is in heaven

Kira died on fathers day. We don't acknowledge it just like mothers day.  We only celebrate as little as possibly for any holiday, just enough for our two boys. But not like we used to.  

 

 

  

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Lou ann, changing traditions was important to me...some families feel it is important to keep the traditions, some make new ones.  We definitely have gone through changes in our holidays as well. I needed them to be different because everything was different. Now with Grandkids, we do more again, but I have only put up a Christmas tree once in 14 years...and it fell down the day after Christmas, so it was very short lived.

I wish Everyone a tiny piece of peace.

 

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Mermaid Tears

It doesn't have to be Father's Day for me to think and remember my Daddy....this was Father's Day in 1994...when my parents died...I felt as if I was tied to the earth with one string....after losing John David...I so needed him and his wisdom....but now I know....he and my other loved ones were there when he went to his first home...

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Susan, what a great photo...I am always happy to hear stories of good solid families with good leaders...mine was not that way so it always has given me hope to hear your stories and those who also had good parents.

Happy Fathers' Day!

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Tommy's mum

Louann I agree with Dee it is good to change up your traditions sometimes because it helps to start something new a new way to celebrate. Because some of us have other kids we must not forget their needs in our sadness they need to see that life can go on and celebrations and traditions can continue because it is ok to show happiness even whilst we grieve. Some things that stay the same are comforting to us and our children it is a personal choice just like grief, we are all different. It is especially difficult when an angelversary is on another special day like Kira on father's day. Just go with your gut as to how you celebrate. each year can be different, it is all ok. 

i wish you all peace today and always. I also directed another two mums to our thread today both who lost baby girls. I hope they join us and can share.

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My girl is in heaven

20170619_075121.thumb.jpg.ae523605f70a27293131895bdb8dcae1.jpgKIRA MICHELL TAYLOR

JAN. 21, 1994 - JUNE 19, 2011

LIGHT OF OUR LIVES

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Mermaid Tears

Louanne....you and your daughter are total look a-likes....we only have words to share on this site...but each of us can relate to the Angel Date...sending our compassion, prayers and care your way...

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I agree with Susan Lou ann, you and Kira are so alike...those eyes.  I know how this date on the calendar makes you ache. It is the hardest thing but here you are, honoring her with photos that show the love and joy in that Girl's eyes. Goodness knows how dearly she is loved. Kira knows too. She will always be your light in the dark. You will always be hers. And we will always say her name which we know to be music to your heart.

KIRA, beautiful Angel Girl- Please sit upon your Momma's shoulder today, let her feel the tingle of your presence.

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