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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Tommy's mum

Dee hope you feel better soon. Strep throat oh gosh that brought back memories for me of my 4 who all suffered badly and very frequently with it. Ultimately I had all 4 get their tonsils and adenoids out at the same time and that did the trick. It was hell for a week or so with 4 very poorly sorry for themselves children and only my Mum n I to deal with it night and day. They were only ages 3 5 6 and 7 and I had to spend a night in the hospital with the two youngest but it was worth it. The school's strep rate plummeted afterwards! i also have had strep and it feels like swallowing broken glass. The best thing is to crush your painkillers and take some water with them and gargle before swallowing. Split it into a couple of gargles not all at once. Tastes yuck but def works. Lots of fluids and soft foods too.

Devianz hi. Female issues also suck I hope you can get sorted out soon. Iron tablets are good for anaemia and so is spinach and dark chocolate (I know what I'd prefer to take!!) Hysterectomy would sort it out but there is a recovery period needed afterwards. however if you are done having a family and have had a lot of episodes that may be the way to go. How awful that the dr was so horrid, you can request a different one in the practice? It could be a fibroid that is causing the pain and bleeding. so glad you have a decent hubby to look after you, and you are right he prob does feel like nathan's dad so feels that loss acutely too. Although you say your mom does not respect boundaries at least she  came over, and crying and pulling weeds is good therapy for the mind and body. I do not feel guilty for having mini breakdowns anymore, I just accept that it happens and indulge in a good bawl and move on having washed my spirit clean again. We all need these mini breakdowns to stay healthy.

 

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My girl is in heaven

So sorry to hear so many of you are sick.  Lesley, thank you so much for your email, even while you are not feeling well your self.  I think after talking to heart Dr. , that I finally have to accept that my daughter drowned and even all these top Drs just don't know what made her collapse.  Seizure? Arrthymia?  Neither of which show up because they are electrical.  They just don't know. And whether I could have got there in time to save her, I really don't know.  It is awful to live with the knowledge that you may have been able to save your child. he did say that for sure she died the most peaceful death possible.  One minute she was showering and the next she would be saying hey I'm in heaven.  No pain at all.  But still she is gone.  I will try repeating what you said when my mind wanders back to that day. I hope I can put this part to rest finally to move forward. Thank you, you really helped me.  A few weeks ago it rained here for over a week and it was very depressing and gloomy. Lots of floods in Ontario and in Quebec. A father and his toddler died when their car got swept away and the mom was able to grab a branch and hold on. Just like Ericas mom mentioned about the boy missing in the river, it is heartbreaking to know what these families have ahead of them.  I know only too well that laying on the couch feeling. I struggle to get up everyday.  Maybe I will try that light next winter.  Lord knows I can't survive another like the last one.  Wishing you strength and thanks again you really helped me.

Devianz you need to find a Dr who understands and cares.   I worked in a hospital for 29 years and most are just in it for the money. I detest my family Dr  and found a nurse practitioner so I go to her. You should not have to just settle for this guy.  You deserve the best care possible.  Hope you get to the bottom of this and are feeling better soon. I have had low iron before and it really zaps you out.  My daughter died on fathers day so I can never celebrate it again.  I try to treat everyday the same. My daughter was not here the day before or the day after.  It is just another day without her.  I tell myself Dec 25 isn't any different than nov25 or Jan 25.  I keep busy and gloss over the holidays   I don't have any young children or grandchildren yet so I may have to change some day. Of course her birthday and Angel date I still have complete break downs.  Good luck with the ultrasound.  I hope you get some relief soon.  Take care.

Hope all of you are feeling better soon. Hugs to all. 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I was going to post a long reply but I accidentally clicked my browser window shut! (and lost the whole reply). Sigh.

Anyways, thanks to all who wrote to me...I think of everyone here and send gentle prayers.

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My girl is in heaven

Tears in heaven  oh I always celebrate my daughters birthday and Angel date.  It is just the other holidays I try to skip. Although her birthday is usually just a meltdown at the cemetary, but i always remember it.

 

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Jeff's Mom

Dee, hope you felt better as the day progressed.

Dianne, oh goodness...that sounds very uncomfortable. I'm glad the procedure went well. Heck, I wish I lived closer to everyone to help out with tea making, etc. 

Lou Ann...it has been very unsettled in our neck of the woods as well. I really wish it would stay sunny for a full day! I agree that the sun lamp is a great idea. The dreaded summer folks are returning to open their cottages for the long weekend. Hope you have a good one.

Laurie, I too hate it when I lose a post. Hope your day was a good one.

I read this today in the obits...

Do not judge a song by its duration,

Nor by the number if its notes.

Judge it by the richness of its content,

And by the way it touches and lifts the soul,

The unfinished song is precious and dear.

And when it has enriched your life

and its melody lingers on in your heart

it is not unfinished; it is endless.

Sending warm wishes to All for a peaceful evening.

Kate:)

 

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Jeff's - that is super close to the poem I had on my daughter's folder and read at her funeral.

I went through some songs last night, listened mainly to Save a place for me that was one of the songs we had. I cried of course. I listened to a few more songs. Cried a lot. That's ok. I needed it.

I figured out a way to have Monday evenings through Wednesday afternoon off from work. I'll have to work weekends but that's ok. Right now I need that time off. Memorial weekend I'll have Sunday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon off. Joys of being one of 2 full time people with those benefits. 

My mom told me today she heard a "rumor" I was filling a wrongful death suit. I explained I tried telling everyone and talking about it but no one wanted to just listen to me and then was told to let everyone grieve their own way. She made it seem like I was hiding something from her. I said no I wasn't. It wasn't a secret. I said after reading the reports, that made my mind up if law firm will take the case. She said she didn't read the reports so she has no clue. I said I know. No one has except Jenni (niece). I get she is asking questions but don't get accusatory because you didn't know. You didn't want to know. Still don't think she is ready to support me in any capacity. Sorry this is long. 

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My girl is in heaven

Jeffs mom. I can't remember are you from Canada?  I live in southern Ontario. Is this a long weekend in the states too?

Tinay. I'm glad your getting the time off you need.  I know you probably have a long road ahead but I hope you can get some justice for your daughter. Don't expect much out of family or friends. It took me six years to realize they will never understand how you feel.  Take care.

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Jeff's Mom

Lou Ann, I was born and raised in Winnipeg. We moved up to our cottage on Lake Winnipeg several years ago. We love it up here and find that it is only an hour drive to the city. The little town close by is called Gimli. 

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My girl is in heaven

Jeffs mom.  Oh how nice.  My sister lives in b.c. and that will always be one of my regrets that I stayed in Ontario. I would love to live in the West somewhere.  But i have a son who is in Toronto and one in London.

 They are all we have so I couldnever leave them.  I grew up in Drumbo and moved to innerkip where my daughter died (both tiny towns).  We then moved to Woodstock as that is where I worked but then I lost my job as I sank   into a depression and was still dealing with my grief. But i hate living here.  Too many memories of kids going to school, work,  everything.  Maybe someday I can move.  Are you watching the playoffs. It would be nice to see the cup in Canada this year. (Sorry American friends) lol.  My husband knows gimli as he was a railway man and cn had a lot of track or something there.  Have a nice long weekend.  

 

 

 

 

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Jeff's Mom

Dianne, Jeff tended to follow goalies as he was a goalie himself when he played. The Ottawa Sens were a favorite at a point before the Jets. My boys are avid hockey fans. In fact Ross has the game on now...and Ottawa is leading at this time. Hope you are doing ok this evening.  

Lou Ann The CP rail stopped making the run in this area some time ago. The Lake Line Rail now runs up to Diageo in Gimli where they distill Crown Royal and from there it is bottled somewhere in Southern Ontario. 

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My girl is in heaven

Tears in heaven.  Do you live in Illinois? I like  Chicago too.  And I remember Stan mikita.  I had  his hockey card.  I guess that is showing my age lol.

Kate. I think there was a training place or something in gimli for cn.  But that is several years ago since he worked for cn. Believe it or not he lost his job  of 35 years because of the depression and grief over our daughter.  We both lost our jobs of 29 and 35 years because of our grief. And we're both treated very shabily by employers. They had absolutely no sympathy that we had lost a child.  We are 56 and 58 so just a little to old to get hired anywhere.  Wasnt what we planned but then we never planned on losing a child either. Tell Ross I'm watching the game too.  Wow 5-0 Ottawa. 

  

  

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My girl is in heaven

Tears in heaven. You live in Illinois? I have always like Chicago too. And I remember Stan mikita. I had his hocke y card. Guess I'm showing how old I am.  

Kate.  I think there was a training place in gimli but he hasn't worked for cn in a very long time. Believe it or not he got fired at 35 years because of his depression and grief from losing our daughter.  So both of us lost jobs of 29 and 35 years. Our employers simply did not care we had lost a child.  At the ages of 56 and 58 we are just a little too old to get hired. This is not what we planned but then again we didn't plan on losing our child.  Tell Ross I'm watching the game too. 5-1 Ottawa is pretty awesome.  

 

SOOR  I SENT THIS TWICE AND GIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE IT

 

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Mermaid Tears

Oh Laurie.....will post tomorrow....am very tired from a busy...busy day....and will post John David's Visitation dream like I promised....

Laurie....'self care'....you are working 2 jobs now for the family...I know....for a great cause...but...put yourself first...sometimes...

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Mermaid Tears

 

By Fox 5 Atlanta Published May 17, 2017
  •  
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The photo showed the site of a crash in Gainesville, Georgia.

The photo showed the site of a crash in Gainesville, Georgia.

A photo snapped by a stranger minutes after a deadly car crash in Georgia has brought closure to the two families who lost their loved ones.

"I couldn't breathe before I got this," Judy Simmons said.

Judy Simmons lost her 23-year-old daughter Hannah, her 9-month-old granddaughter A'Lannah and her daughter's best friend 28-year-old Lauren Buteau on April 25 in Gainesville.

VETERANS SPROUT NEW CAREERS THROUGH THE FARMER VETERAN COALITION

"We were told my daughter lost control and hit a truck," Simmons said. "I just knew, I knew they were gone."

In the days following the tragedy, Simmons said she needed closure that her loved ones did not suffer in the final moments of their life.

"I just needed God to reassure me somehow that they didn't suffer," Simmons said.

Her closure, Simmons said, came in a photo taken by a young woman on her way to work.

POLICE: DRUNKEN DRIVING SUSPECT HAD LIZARD IN BRA

The photograph shows light beaming from the sky onto the crash site. Simmons said she has an explanation for what that is.

"It's God taking them home to Heaven," Simmons said. "After I got the photo I could finally breathe again and I knew it was God showing me they didn't suffer. It was instant."

Click for more from Fox 5.

I saw this article...and photo....and I knew that it would bring a layer of comfort...healing...to many parents on this site that questions when their child left this earth home....it certainly brings a peace to my heart....

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Jeff's Mom

Susan, how comforting for the family to know that they are now safe in God's keeping.

Lou Ann...The former CN Park is now called the Industrial Park. The area was once a former RCAF training Base and closed in the early 70's. It then became used as a glider pilot training base for air cadets and the tracks were used and still are for auto racing. You may remember the story of the Gimli Glider that was a Boeing 767 that on July 23 (my birthday) ran out of fuel on a flight from Montreal to Edmonton and the pilot used his glider training to avoid a horrific crash and glided the plane down on to the runway. They made a movie about it with Dan Aykroyd. This happened not long after we converted to the Metric system and they had miscalculated the amount of fuel. 

Dee, Dianne, Becky...I hope you are all feeling somewhat better this morning.

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Tommy's mum

I also saw this article and thought it would bring comfort to many but am not computer savvy enough to be able to post articles.

Tinay I am glad you are able to swing some days off you really need it when grieving. it takes everything out of you physically emotionally and mentally and having time to process the changes in your life is important otherwise you can get a delayed grief reaction later on in time. I'm sad your mom does not get it but that is common especially in older generations who were taught to push it all down and keep a stiff upper lip as if it did not happen. You do what you feel is right. You are your daughter's advocate and if it is meant to be there is a wrongful death lawsuit then it will happen. Your mom will just have to let you go on in your own way, it does not matter whether she thinks you ar right or not, you are making the choices you are making as a fully informed adult. I am sure she is grieving too just differently and that is ok.

kate love that obituary. Words are so powerful aren't they?

Thank goodness we have a few rays of sun today I have to make myself go out and mow the lawn and do some weeding so will have to refuel up with coffee to get moving!

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I am actually feeling human-like today. I went to school at 6:30 to just make my plans for another day of a substitute...and came home and ate yogurt. I cleaned a bathroom and did more today than I have been able to do in 4 days. NO fever and my glands are not as swollen as they were so I am finally getting better. I have not been kicked in the butt like this since i had pneumonia 21 years ago. Phew, so good to see the other side of it. I really am dibilitated by fever. I went through breast cancer and two surgeries and radiation and never felt as awful as I did the last three days. Weird.

As far as showing your age LouAnn, I am 61 and remember Stan Mikita and I lived in Chicago during that time period of the HAWKS. Those were the days when the family would gather in the living room and watch the hockey game on a local channel...We grew up skating outdoors in Chicago, and many kids grew up playing hockey. My kids also skated and many of thier friends play hockey. Chicago went nuts when the HAWKS won the cup recently. And then the CUBS won the big event so Chicago has been doubly happy with sports in the last few years. I live just outside of Chicago. While it is a beautiful city, it has had such a deep and terrible sense of violence lately. I just can't stand that. So much of it is the lack of hope or sense of future, and the kids having kids in these same circumstances raising yet another generation within these constraints. The schools are not good in the neighborhoods that are gang-banger areas, less materials to poor schools and so the kids get nothing to look to as inspiration, as hope, as nurture. It just isn't right. If we don't put our resources in the places that are needing them most, what can kids think of how they are looked at?

It has been very warm here for three days, near 90 though tomorrow, it looks like we will be a high of 58, so that old wind is going to shift off the lake again. YIKES.

I love the photo Susan, the beam of light showing exactly what I would think too, that beam was the passage to heaven.

Laurie, I sure hope you are okay, I love your posts, but I know the energy and time it takes to put a long post together and feel for you as we all have lost them. You doing okay?

Kate, how are you holding up? Getting a bit of extra sleep?

 

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Hello  All   Indigos.........I haven't been posting....(under the weather

with bronchitis.)   I see others have had cold problems also. get well soon

to all who are battling any illnesses.  I think I'm on the mend, so will be back soon. :) 

 

PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

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My girl is in heaven

Tears in heaven and Ericas mom.. So Illinois has snowy cold winters, like Canada?  I always think of the states that everybody has weather like California and everybodies lives are like the young and the restless. Lol.   Do you guys remember the philadelphia broadstreet bullies, Clarke, Schultz? My motto was always beat em on the ice or beat em in the alley.  I loved those guys.  What's a hockey game without a few good fights. Oh that sounds awful now.  I grew up in a town of 400. Every Saturday night my dad would go the local variety store get 1 bag of chips and one bottle of pop (a lot smaller size then today).  That was for my parents and five kids. Then you would hear "it's hockey night in Canada" and the game was on.  That was the entertainment for the week. I don't like baseball so have to find something from may to October to do.  That is now (other than my husband and boys) the only thing I get a little bit of enjoyment out of. Sorry I know this isn't a hockey chat line. 

Jeffs mom.  I don't remember that incident but I was in grade 6 or 7 when the metric system came in but I was trained in the imperial system, I wasn't good in math, and never did catch on that much. I still measure by inches.  My husband says he remembers when that happened though.

Mermaid tears. Thanks for posting that picture. It just confirms for me that my daughter had that beam of light with her in the bathroom.  

Lesley glad to hear you finally got some sun. Were you able to get your grass cut? I know how hard it is to get going again once you get down.  

I am so sorry to hear of people being sick and cancers.  I think if we lost a child, that we shouldn't have to suffer with anything else.We have had our share of tragedy.  But guess that is not how things work.  

 

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Hello Indigo's. 

It's been a while.  

I can't express my regret strongly enough over the fact that I deleted all of my posts and Stephanie's pictures. I can't express strongly enough that I showed anything but love and tenderness towards other hurting parents. I can't express strongly enough how sorry I am for judging anyone's journey!
I found you when this was still Beyond Indigo, about 4 months after Stephanie's death....late 2009 or early 2010. You all saved my life. I was looking for relief, but I was SO angry. Not just over losing my daughter, but for the hell her children had to endure. No explanation was adequate. I hated God...any definition of God. I hated being told to forgive.  I just hated...period.
I've had the privilege of meeting some of you face to face. Some of those meeting cemented a true sisterhood; others, well...that's not important, now.
What's important now is another one of us who was here when I joined, lost another child. I worry about mentioning it because I don't want to step on any toes. But, I just read that Lorri Boatright just lost Kimberly.  My heart is broken for her!
I am also walking hand in hand with a dear friend whose son took his life on his 18th birthday...on March 15th. I've sent her the link to this site. 
And, then, today, my Mariah (who turns 16 on Monday) sent me a text that another student, whom she knows from band, took his life this week.  
It is out of selfishness that I come to you tonight.  My heart hurts for these mothers whom I hold so dear. 
Much love,  Susannah aka Stephanie's mom

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Mermaid Tears

Well....maybe many parents just got caught up with the inner stress of facing Mother's Day....Dee...am glad you are better.

Daniel and I planned a trip to New Orleans...Daniel paid his entry into a poker tournament at Harrahs...and I rented the cutest little house on the outskirts of the French Quarter....we usually stay at the Royal Sonesta but I wanted to have something with a small kitchen...and it even had a lush courtyard....well....I started having these twinges on Saturday and Sunday....feeling about 50%....Monday...I felt a little better and was busy getting all lined up for our trip out of town...then I awoke at 2 AM with pain and a flaming UTI......so....Daniel had to get on the road....and I got a Dr. appt. to get antibiotics..you simply cannot ride in a car for 8 hours or walk around the French Quarter with a UTI......am feeling so much better...but...one can not ignore what the inner stress can do.....even with all the precautions I take to keep my immune system boosted....we just can't out run that grief/stress that seems to have a mind of its own...and we have no control over it. I don't fight it anymore....I just let it carry me...until I gain control again.

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Mermaid Tears

Susannah...I simply cannot grasp the enormity...of teens committing suicide...I am 70.....when we were teens....we were so happy to go to dances...do things...Beach Boys...and wearing the new Bikinis....I am beyond sad....so tragic...a travesty...

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Susannah,

thank you for telling our "family" about another angel child.  One mother/father having both daughters die.  I am beyond numb.  I am calling all angels to pray for Lorri and her family.

Colleen, Brians Mother forever

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My girl is in heaven

So sad to hear of parents losing a 2nd child.  And two more suicides. A young boy in his 20s just lost his life in my city. He cut his leg and then a few days recut the same place. He started getting bad and went to our local hospital ER. They told him nothing was wrong and sent him home.  Some time later they went to London (a lot bigger city 50 minutes away, but superior health care) and he had infection that spread and ended up on life support where he died.  Prayers to all these families as we realize the journey they are embarking on. 

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Tommy's mum

This was a rainbow sent to me by Tommy, taken from upstairs in my house facing across the street. It is in the same place as the one he sent on his funeral day. So beautiful, fragile and very fleeting gone one minute later, a mix of sun and rain kind of like grief itself. Lifts my spirits.

18557383_10155421339088487_1920849586496825354_n.jpg

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Mermaid Tears

Lesley...thank you for your photo of the rainbow...which always gives a message of 'hope'....

Susannah....I am always reminded in many parent's post....we don't have to hoard our grief...there is plenty to go around. I and we know of the dark days ahead for these families.....it is hard for me to wrap my mind around a parent that has lost 2 children.....

but then again.....before I lost John David I could not wrap my mind around losing 1 child....nor could there have been anything created on this earth home to give me insight into this kind of grief...nothing can prepare you. Please keep us informed ...how the parents are doing.

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Oh my goodness NO! Not Lori Boatright losing another Daughter....Her Son losing another Sister? NOOOOO. I am so so sad and so heartbroken that she has to do this again...

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I am at school and have little time but I do know that I have to reach out to Lori and hug her via the internet...let her know that we are here for her if she finds a need. Goodness that Woman worked so very hard to find ways to honor the life and times of her Daughter. Oh such pain. I am shocked. Prayers are headed her way.

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Thank you Tommy, for sending your Momma rainbow and thank you Tommy's Mom  for sharing it with us.

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Mermaid Tears

I do not recall the Mom's name....I joined the site in 2012...but have such a sad and heavy heart for her and her family....

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Susan, Lori left the site prior to your joining...she was a force for sure...funny as heck once she felt comfortable here. When she arrived on scene however, she was like any of us, lost and broken and searching. I remember she was unsure if she was going to stay more than a tiny bit because we were discussing things that were not grief and it was off-putting for her, as it is for many NEWBIES. But she soon saw that the grief everyone had was like her own, that our stories were a sad compilation of our daily appearances here. She started a clothing and school supply fund in her Daughter's name. She and her Husband and Daughter and Son worked very hard to find their way...I just ache in her new loss.

Sherry, I sure hope you are on the mend. Our weather here got very cold yesterday, and wet. It didn't climb out of the 40's yesterday, nasty. It was in the high 80's throughout the week and then Boom, down it went. So I hope for your health's sake, that your weather does not get this...get strong and outside my friend.

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I too felt the need to return here after learning of Lorri's loss. This is the place we first became friends. I traveled to Oklahoma to meet her and again on a trip to Vegas. Lorri has a heart of gold and is a hoot. Her family is one that will do anything for you without expecting anything in return. My heart aches for what they are going thru again. It has been a few years since I left this site. I left due to someone I was in a relationship with who felt it necessary to read my posts then twist my words into ugliness. That chapter in my life has closed and feel it is somewhat safe to return. Im not sure for how long as being here puts me in a downward spiral and that is not what I want nor need. I do think of you all often and know that I pray for our survival daily.

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Tommy's mum

Just devastated to read about a former member losing another child it is just awful. how cruel to be able to go on with life and succeed over grief and then to be knocked totally flat again by another death. I did not know her but wish her and the family well in this terrible time of sorrow. This life is beyond cruel.

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Mermaid Tears

I can tell that Lori was very much loved by the parents on this site...who then became close friends....and I know that they will circle the wagons for her and her family.

Lynn....we all understand when a parent feels strong enough and ready....to walk into the future of what your world 'is'....I call it the 'that was then...this is now'....many parents have come here to this site and are healed and comforted with the care and compassion that can only come from other parents that have faced 'this kind of grief'....and since I have been on this site...many parents have 'moved on' and I do believe we/they are so brave to face this with whatever energy comes from surviving their tragedy. One of my son's said...'We all knew that if Mom could make it...so could we'....and that brought me the realization that I would have to make footprints on this earth home...that our family can survive a great loss and tragedy. The parents on this site has given me such understanding...(I don't have to explain any emotion..meltdown...breakdown...bad day...good day) ...they offer care and compassion...and that is one important reason I have been able to lead my family out of this dark hell hole of grief.

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My girl is in heaven

I didn't know Lori either, but can't even imagine.  This is when I really question my faith. Why in heaven and earth would God take a second child too.  I dont even know why he takes one.   All my thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.  I hope she comes back to this site where we can all put our arms around her.

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My girl is in heaven

I planted some purple flowers in my garden today as that was Kira's favourite colour.  Lesley I also planted orange flowers for Tommy.  My dad gave me this cement boy and wheel barrel flower planter a few years back.  He called it little tommy(my dad always has a name for everything). I don't know where he got that name from cause there is no Tommy in our family, but that's what he called it.  So every year i say to my husband what should we plant in little Tommy?  Well little did I know the significance of that would be finding out about your Tommy. So when I look at those orange flowers next to all the purple ones I will think of your Tommy all summer. I am going to try and send pictures but have never done so and not sure if I can get it to work.  Oh and I have a purple ribbon tied around my porch light.

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Mermaid Tears

Lou Ann....what an amazing compliment for Lesley....in remembering her Tommy....and I love the purple and orange flowers. You have a very kind and sharing persona....your girl is smiling...

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Im at ease for the moment of being back. Saddened for the reason and for all the added members since I was here last.
 
I totally understand what you are saying Mermaid Tears. In a sense we have moved on. It's been almost 9 years but there are days when it feels like yesterday and yet it seems like its been an eternity. And yes, those adoring angels will be encircling Lorri and her family. I cant even imagine their pain. Im so glad your family has you to help with guidance. Good job!

Lou ann, please remember that God did not take our children. He accepted them home. I love your photos and little Tommy is beautiful. I appreciate the story.

I know Lorri will be touched from ya'll show of support.

Here's a shout out to Dee who was one of the firsts moms to walk this journey with me when I joined. 

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Tommy's mum

Louann I am beyond touched. That was such a lovely gesture, I hope your purple flowers and Tommy give you joy. We have to find some joyful and happy moments concerning our lost children and that is one you have given me today thank you.

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Hi friends, just need to talk.

my daughter, Michelle and I went to my nieces baby shower yesterday.  My niece, Marissa, is the same age as my Brian would have been.  I do so enjoy seeing them and sharing in their joy, this little thing inside me cries for what I have lost.

it has been almost 9 years for us.  Time is not the same now.  Sometimes it feels like yesterday.  Other days, the loss seems like an eternity.

just having a hard time with this " moving-on" stuff.  

Thanks for listening.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Colleen, it is different as you go along and I am so glad that you can enjoy watching as the family grows up; adn changes...but yes, bittersweet is always there. The trick some days is to find more sweet than bitter...and we all know it is not possible all of the time but boy, take a backward glance and see from where you have come. Long road and there you are the navigator of your own trip. You are doing great.

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LYNN! My goodness my surprise to see you today, and my delight to know that you are out there finding your way. Yes, you and Colleen came here around the same time. I have wondered if you have found any kind of peace, though I know that is a TALL order, I am hoping. Kayla's beautiful smile is a wonderful light to see shining out from this screen. I don't think that I remembered that you were part of that visit to Lori. So was the information about Lori's Daughter on FB, I still do not have it and likely never will. Can you fill me in on what happened to her? Is there some way to contact Lori and her family?I will look in my old telephone book to see if I have her address still but I wonder if she still lives where she did when she lost her first Girl. Lord what a heavy heart and a depleted hope she must have right now. I am sending prayers like crazy into the great wide open. So what of you Lynn? How is your world these days? I am glad that you resolved that which was a drain in your life. Good for  you. It is so hard sometimes to summon the strength it takes to be confrontational when there has been so much struggle in one's life already. My arms are hugging you back here.

LouAnn, I too love the Tommy figure you planted with marigolds that sit near those pretty pansies for your Girl. Your photos came out nicely.

 

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My girl is in heaven

Colleen. It is hard to share in others joy as it is just a reminder of what your own child missed.  My friend who lost her only child two years ago just went to a baby shower and the first thing somebody asked her was do you have any children.  She left there in tears.  I'm supposed to go to a bridal shower next Saturday for my nephew but am just going to send a gift.  I have the wedding in July but not sure how I will get thru it.  That is good of you to muster up the courage to go. I know what you mean about the time thing. It is almost 6 years for me. I think your Brian has the same Angel date as my Kira, June 19. I just hate the whole month of June.  Well my husband has just had unexpected breakdown.  I rarely seen him this upset and he is very quiet and wont talk. All i can do is be there i guess.  Take care and ill be thinking about you on the 19th.  

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I missed a graduation party yesterday for the daughter of the girl that got me mother's day flowers. I'll send the card when I get paid. I just couldn't bring myself to go. Our kids hung out when they were little. I also have a wedding at end of the month. Probably not going to make that either. I don't want any anxiety popping up. 

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The first wedding we went to after Erica died was Eri's oldest friend, the next summer. We went to the reception but I cried the whole time. I needed to be there for Tamara, but I was a mess. There was a slide show of Tam's youth...there was ERica in so many frames...it was so sweet to bring Erica into the wedding, she would have been Tam's bridesmaid if she were here. I wept all the way home, full box of tissue in a half hour. WE do not know how long we can last at events like these, but we build our abilities over time...though I still cry like a crazy woman at every wedding...I am for the most part, glad to be invited and glad to be present.

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