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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Bullying hurts Bob. You said that your son bullied people and you did not see the harm in that. It was harmful to whoever he did it too. You appear to get a rise out of shaking things up a bit. Kinda sad actually. I'll tell you who I admire...my husband. Diagnosed with end stage three colon cancer four years ago. Had a ton of his colon removed and underwent months of really difficult chemo. He had a pic line placed and dragged a line and pump with him for the duration of his chemo treatments. Not one complaint. Not one. Always upbeat and smiled without finding fault in his circumstances.  Good friend of mine had her son who is a pilot with the Air Force was deployed into a dangerous place and he is definitely not complaining about the damp and trees. Good luck to you. You appear to need it. 

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My girl is in heaven

Jeffs mom.  Your r right about the anger.  It just leads to more bitterness and misery.  Sometimes I'm just angry at everything and everyone, but most of all myself.  I need to let it go before it eats me alive. If it hasn't already.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Lou Ann, I read your Saturday's post. I totally identify with that. I am shortly behind you, it will be five years this October. We still call Jesse's phone as we kept it on. He says, This is Jesse's cell phone, please leave me a message." And we do, all the time. 

Kate, thank you for the kind Easter card you sent me, it was very special. I don't know if my email went though to you, so I am posting this here.

Susan, thanks for the screen shots. They are very helpful, and you are such a resource. 

Raine, My son too died in a motorcycle accident. I hate motor sports now. 

I am posting a picture that I found early on that emphasized my feelings...there are two doves in the picture...my son often sends me signs using them...the two symbolize my two sons transitioned to heaven. 

Also another early pic I treasure.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Becky, sending you a Heavenly Birthday Wish for your dear Jared. 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dianne and Georgina, are you okay? Haven't seen a post for awhile.

Becky, prayers for the niece's friends. 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, I looked down at my cell phone tonight and there your name was, I must have bumped it around and the number came up. So thinking about you!

Kate, I remember how hard it was with Ross's cancer. My friend is working with a lot of natural healing methods for her, as the chemo didn't go so well. But she seems to be doing good. 

I am hoping to make it to my mom's this week. 

Also, as many here will know, I have had many spiritual experiences that have heightened since my son's passing. This last Saturday was an example of one.

I happened to stop at a thrift store and was browsing the cookbook aisle. There was a woman who was also looking. She opened a conversation with me. Told me about her family, grandfather and grandmother and her sons -- in the military ( a big military family). Oddly, she also asked me about Indian Cooking. (like the country of India). This past Thursday I had just happened to visit for the first time a very large grocery store which has many ethic cooking items, including Indian. I was able to direct her to that store as she didn't know where to purchase these items.

From there, she started sharing about a young man who had graduated with her Navy Seal son. How she had cooked a large hotdish for her son's Navy Seal graduation party which included this friend. About 3 weeks ago, she saw her son's friend picture on TV as he was killed while on a mission -- Military Duty. I think she was in grief for him. I also believe in divine appointment and always know when these types of meetings occur as they have a certain essence in character. My sister and mom also share these types of sensitivities. Many can share stories of their own personal experiences that cross the veil, that life continues on. 

I am putting out a candle for this young man from the Navy Seals, I don't know his name, but I want to honor him here. 

 

 

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes for my son today. We did not invite anyone this year, decided to see how many, if any, would remember and either call us to ask what we were doing this year, or maybe just show up. Well many liked or commented on my early morning happy birthday post to my son, but only one person, one of Jared's best friends, messaged me to know what we were doing. He's going to stop by tomorrow. My daughter still did some decorations, and we bought a small veggie and fruit tray just in case, and bought a much smaller cake, less helium balloons, etc. And it was good. My angel Jared woke me up this morning with music from his photobox, which I just laid there in my recliner and enjoyed as nobody else was downstairs yet. My husband, daughter and I went to the cemetery and took a couple of balloons, then came home and began filling and decorating the helium balloons, then went outside to release them. We tried to sing Happy Birthday at the same time, and it sounded a bit pitiful, but it was fun. When we came back inside and sat down in the living room, Jared again played us music from his photobox! This was the first time my husband has been present when this happened, and he was amazed! After about a half hour, the music stopped! Then we had dinner and birthday cake. It's been a very emotional day, but good.

Kate, thanks for asking about my health. I don't feel great as I had a moment of imbalance yesterday and fell and scraped up my shin, but I didn't break anything, so that is good! My eye feels much better, but doesn't see much better yet. I keep hoping! I go for another shot in my right eye this Friday, and I am nervous about it after the last time. 

Susan, that little Veto is so precious, I could almost hear his laughter looking at those pictures! So sweet!

i want to tell you the sad update on the Tennessee family whose son fell at the creek within Grand Canyon National Park. The mom, named Julie, has returned to her home in Tennessee without her 14 year old son, Jackson. Her father-in-law, Randy, whose wife  Lou- Ann, also fell into the creek, has returned to his home in Utah without her. They had both continued to search with a group of volunteers even after the park staff had abandoned the search. Bless Julie's heart, she saw a rainbow and thought it meant her son would be found. My niece in Tennessee, who is friends with Julie, wants to do all she can to help her, so I have tried to offer her help with that, from the prospective of a parent hat has lost a child to sudden death. I warned her if the pitfalls of grief, in that Julie will undoubtedly need a friend to lean on, and talk to, and she may have guilt to deal with. I also told my niece she didn't have to try to fix it for them, because she couldn't, but just to be there for the family. Julie has another child, a daughter who is 18, so again similar to my own situation as my daughter was six years older than my son. I don't know if it was because of Jared's 21st birthday being this week, or the fact that Julie's son was only a year younger than my son was when he died, but my heart just breaks for them, and I find myself wishing I could be there to help.

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Oh Becky, what a cheerful celebration in honor of your son. I'm sorry you had another fall. Please do be careful and take care.

Laurie, no I did not get your reply. You are very welcome. We are off for yet another check-up late today. That eye surgery he had in November that appeared successful did not go as well as we had hoped and it is back again. Another surgery planned  I imagine. He goes for yet another colonoscopy and more blood work soon. It's like living with a hand grenade with the pin pulled in your hand. Just waiting for it to drop. If you remember they told him if it comes back they can't help him. So, every check-up is an anxious time. I will pm you later today.

 

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Kate, may the check up go well...prayers for Ross' health.

Laurie, so funny that my name was there on your phone, I was sitting with you. Love that story you told about the lady in the store...yes, we are there in the world able to assist others when they sense our energy, our open hearts/arms/spirits. This has happened to me too, and each time, I feel grateful to have been able to be present for others....One time, long time ago, my husband and I were at Erica's gravesite...an old old man was tending to a grave several yards away, and suddenly he looked up and yelled to us, " this young girl died when a train hit her..." I said, " so did my Daughter!"  We walked over to him and he was crying over a young teen who died from a train hitting her in a town nearby.I asked if he was related to her, he said no, but met the family at the cemetery, he was tending to his wife's grave. We spent some time with him, listened to his story and he listened to ours and together we wondered about the little teen who recently had been struck by a train. Another day, I met the girl's twin sitting at the grave, and I went to her and hugged her, we cried together. Sadly, that twin actually killed herself a few years later...but I have been in the presence of others whose lives have been forever changed, and I can't help but wonder if we were somehow led to be near one another.

Here is a sweet story that reminds us the grace of our angels. My niece Laura called yesterday and told me that she had ordered a gift for her boyfriend early in April, and on April 4th, Erica's birthday, she checked the tracking number of the gift she ordered: it was in Kalmazoo, Michigan where Erica lived for a year, and died. Random? I think not. Laura said she laughed and cried all in one, that her sweet cousin was letting her know she is around, not far.

Becky, I am so glad that day went smoothly, peacefully, and that Jared played music for you all. Sweet boy. I am saying prayers for your friends and thier loved ones lost to the water.

Susan, that baby has the cheeks we grammy's love to kiss and cuddle.

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tobyfreefoot

I haven't had a chance to read just scanned and saw bob posted this...genius is eccentric -- genius is difficult .. genius is often misunderstood .. genius has no rangeposts

I totally get that. Forest fell in that category and as a parent trying to reign him in and teach him what was acceptable behavior was impossible lol. As an adult he just surrounded himself with like minded people so he wasn't in conflict all the time. 

Becky looks like I missed Jared's birthday. Love to you my friend.

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My girl is in heaven

Posted on wrong website

 

 

 

 

 

  

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17 hours ago, JD's Mom, Becky said:

Thank you all so much for your birthday wishes for my son today. We did not invite anyone this year, decided to see how many, if any, would remember and either call us to ask what we were doing this year, or maybe just show up. Well many liked or commented on my early morning happy birthday post to my son, but only one person, one of Jared's best friends, messaged me to know what we were doing. He's going to stop by tomorrow. My daughter still did some decorations, and we bought a small veggie and fruit tray just in case, and bought a much smaller cake, less helium balloons, etc. And it was good. My angel Jared woke me up this morning with music from his photobox, which I just laid there in my recliner and enjoyed as nobody else was downstairs yet. My husband, daughter and I went to the cemetery and took a couple of balloons, then came home and began filling and decorating the helium balloons, then went outside to release them. We tried to sing Happy Birthday at the same time, and it sounded a bit pitiful, but it was fun. When we came back inside and sat down in the living room, Jared again played us music from his photobox! This was the first time my husband has been present when this happened, and he was amazed! After about a half hour, the music stopped! Then we had dinner and birthday cake. It's been a very emotional day, but good.

Kate, thanks for asking about my health. I don't feel great as I had a moment of imbalance yesterday and fell and scraped up my shin, but I didn't break anything, so that is good! My eye feels much better, but doesn't see much better yet. I keep hoping! I go for another shot in my right eye this Friday, and I am nervous about it after the last time. 

Susan, that little Veto is so precious, I could almost hear his laughter looking at those pictures! So sweet!

i want to tell you the sad update on the Tennessee family whose son fell at the creek within Grand Canyon National Park. The mom, named Julie, has returned to her home in Tennessee without her 14 year old son, Jackson. Her father-in-law, Randy, whose wife  Lou- Ann, also fell into the creek, has returned to his home in Utah without her. They had both continued to search with a group of volunteers even after the park staff had abandoned the search. Bless Julie's heart, she saw a rainbow and thought it meant her son would be found. My niece in Tennessee, who is friends with Julie, wants to do all she can to help her, so I have tried to offer her help with that, from the prospective of a parent hat has lost a child to sudden death. I warned her if the pitfalls of grief, in that Julie will undoubtedly need a friend to lean on, and talk to, and she may have guilt to deal with. I also told my niece she didn't have to try to fix it for them, because she couldn't, but just to be there for the family. Julie has another child, a daughter who is 18, so again similar to my own situation as my daughter was six years older than my son. I don't know if it was because of Jared's 21st birthday being this week, or the fact that Julie's son was only a year younger than my son was when he died, but my heart just breaks for them, and I find myself wishing I could be there to help.

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What a beautiful way to remember Jared. I am sure he was there with you enjoying every minute of it. Happy Birthday Jared!!!

Love and Peace from Cher.

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On 4/22/2017 at 4:11 PM, hoosier guy said:

point well taken cher , 

i should lighten up on my older son . he deals differently than i do . he doesnt need SHOT in the face the next time i see him , just maybe PUNCHED in the face .. 

damm , this chat group is so helpful .. 

im going to fry me some chicken . its like raiding a hen house except theres canola oil involved ..

 

Sorry I selected quote underneath of a post and then submit, somehow I ended up with their post with my name.

I just wanted to say something about the beautiful post.

 

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It has been 4 years since my daughter passed away. I am raising her three girls that I love so much...but it is so hard.. the two youngest ones don't even know her. They were 1 and 2 when she passed away. My oldest granddaughter which is 10 now, she was 6 when she passed away asks me questions about her mother... my daughter,.. I try so hard to give her all the answers I can, but I always end up crying, which than ends up with her being sad cause I am crying. It has not gotten easier.. I don't talk to anyone because they don't understand. Still to this day I can't look at a picture of my daughter. I miss her so much !!! I still shake my head in disbelief that she is gone...

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Amyanne, please talk to us about your Girl, and with hope, you will one day be able to share photos with your Grandgirls and let them see their Momma, let them see how much she may look like you and how much they may look like her. Keep talking, we are listening. Tell us more about your Girl, how she lived and who she was/is. She will always live on in you, so share her and bring her spirit to the front of the line here.

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Ericasmom, Thank you so much for your words.. it means so much to hear someone say that they want to hear about my daughter. Usually when I bring my daughters name up the room goes silent..its like the white elephant in the room everyone just stares at me...I am sure its because they don't know what to say or how I am going to react. My granddaughters do have pictures of their mother in their bedroom because I do want to keep her alive inside them, but I struggle (can't) go through pictures with them that I have, and I have a lot. Its that hurt, that pain that keeps getting worse..I try my hardest to hide it, and I have been pretty good up until now that's why I am reaching out to you all. I am so glad I found this group. Thank you

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My girl is in heaven

Amyanne i am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter.  I lost my daughter almost six years and have just recently found this site.  That is so wonderful you took on raising your granddaughters, although i can imagine how difficult that must be at times.  I know what you mean that people don't understand but the people on this website do and have helped me so much already.  I can barely still look at my daughters pictures.  Please know you r not alone and let all of us help you thru this. 

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Thank you, it is good to hear that I am not a horrible mother that I  can't look at my daughters pictures...I want to.. and I try but as soon as i see the first one I break down...

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XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Oh sweet girl.

itsperfectly normal as it's just tooooo painful at this time.   It had nothing to do with ur love.  And everything to do with ur love for ur child 

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In a couple of weeks it will be one year since my son was murdered. He was killed trying to intervene to protect his friend.  I had never been to were it happened and recently found myself in the area so I googled it and decided I would drive by.  The bar in located in a plaza and so I parked a few feet away, While I was parked I started to picture that night, and what in my mind may have taken place, running different scenarios through my mind.  I wondered where he was when it all went down, where on the ground he may have laid awaiting the ambulance.  Many thoughts, pictures, and feelings rushed through my mind, and then, I wondered how he felt. Did he know he was shot, and the thoughts that may have had, and how it may have felt.  Did he know he wouldn't survive, that his minutes here were numbered?  Was there anyone to hold him and comfort him, to hold his hand, to talk to him.  It must have been so loud and crazy.  My brain was bombarded, and heart was in pain, so I closed my eyes and sat for a while in quiet. It was hard just being there, knowing this was where it all went down, and it was all so senseless. 

I didn't know how I was going to react, but I wanted to see it for myself, and I didn't want my girls being with me when I went.  I think it hurts more now than a year ago.  I think because it's had time to really marinate, and the reality that he is actually no longer here in the physical.

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MamaDukes, it is exactly why it hurts more now, the full reality of losing your Boy has hit, you knew it all along of course, but shock kept you going, kept you off the full mark of time. And now, that time will feel like a ball and chain as you find your way through. We are here to hold your hand and your heart as you struggle through...do not be afraid to grieve here, that is why we exist here, to be able to tell our stories, cry if need be, listen to others, and grieve. Tell us about your Son when you are ready.

Amyann, it occurs to me that perhaps you have not been able to grieve due to taking care of the Girls. Did you take on the care of your three Girls as soon as your Daughter died? It really could be dear, that the very best thing for you is to cry, is to have time and space to weep and fall apart some. I promise you, you will get up again, but when we put off grief for all the reasons folks do: taking care of young ones being the top one...we find we can't move forward much because our grief needs addressing.

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My girl is in heaven

Mama dukes. Sometimes the first year is just so full of shock and disbelief, things don't become real til year two. A lot of people told me year two was harder.  Did it help to go there and picture everything in your head.  Is it something you feel u need to do again or did it give you peace.  I'm not a professional so I don't know the answers are but you felt you had to do it, and that can't be  wrong.  Would it help to talk  to people who where there that night.  I hope you got some peace and comfort from going there and try not to tortuate yourself too much about what happened.  Please keep coming to the this web site.  There are so many kind and compasionate grieving parents all ready to help you. My email address is ltaylor50@rogers.com if you want to connect that way. We just all want to help you.  

 

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On the weekend we did a walking through the woods, what is called a mourning-walk. It's about mourning for your loved one and realizing that there is still a life one lives. Everyone in the group lost somebody , we went through the woods for 2 1/2  hours, sometimes we stopped and the ranger (he organized that walk ) said something about life and death or he wrote a poem......and he talked about the forest, like how a tree dies and showed us how many trees growing on strange places .........there were minutes we were silent with tears in our eyes and minutes we talked about life and even smiled or had a laugh . It felt good to walk through the woods, had some thoughts, laughs, tears and people who felt the same as I.

I also been going to see a professional therapist. Is he helping ? I don't know really, but I sure talk a lot when I'm there. I even went under people a bit, but it still feels strange and there always them days when I 'm falling in that deep whole again of course.

Miss my son so much. Even he always try to make so cool, he had a very good heart and always tried to make everybody smile and be happy. He also was always smiling. I know he's here, telling me he's o.k.

peace and hugs to everybody here

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ericasmom- Yes I did take on caring for my granddaughters as soon as my daughter (Katrina) passed away. Their father was using drugs so I kept the girls most of the time. Then my oldest granddaughter came to me and told me that her dads best friend "hurt" her so then I filed for and was awarded full legal custody over two years ago. I believe I  have grieved..I cry a lot. Usually after it builds up than I break down unexpectedly. I thought I have moved forward but I have found myself falling backward this past month.

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This morning I woke up feeling better, and I truly believe its because I have found you all through this group. I just want to thank everyone for taking time to share with me about my daughter (Katrina) passing away and about their children passing away. I am so sorry that we all have that indescribable pain.

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AmyAnne,

I am so sorry for your loss, and grateful that you have been able to be there for her girls as they try to navigate through life without their mother and with their drug addicted father.  The road ahead doesn't seem to be any easier for you than it has been thus far, but you will find small blessings along the way.

My own son Nathan was murdered last July, three months shy of his 21st birthday.

For me, sometimes it's simple things. His place at the table with a new friend at it. The light in my youngest son's eyes that is so familiar of my son Nathan. The tonal sound of his guitar. It's been just 9 months today, and it's been hell so far. But I am comforted by the small simple things.

I am sure that as the girls grow, you will see hints of your beautiful daughter. Her strength of will, a smile that feels like a memory. Happy reminders, and while they are tinged with sadness, there is huge anew in things found. It will start to bring small doses of happiness.

I feel like I've aged 5 years these last nine months, and you didn't sign up to raise more kids when you thought you were already done.  They are a blessing, even when they are trying your very last nerve.  They are her legacy, and their beauty is her beauty and her beauty is your beauty. I know it's hard to keep carrying, but it will be worth it. Their first play at school, The first report cards, their first dates... They will need you there, and be thankful that you are there to make memories with and for them. You have all lost so much, but you have each other.

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Silky,

Talking is good even if it's about very little. It's good that you are getting out of the house and talking to someone other than your husband, as he is going through his own grief as well. Everyone functions differently in grief, and there can be hard feelings when one person doesn't feel exactly the same, so it is good you have an outside party to share with. I'm sure it doesn't seem helpful to you right now, but even venting your sadness, anger and frustration is good because you aren't directing it at the people you love.

I love the idea of a mourning walk. I am sure it was so good for all of you.  When I lived in Germany, I went on many Volksmarches, and the feeling of community you feel with the people around you walking is a wonderful feeling. I am sure that he was walking there with you and with Alan as you remembered him with friends.  What a wonderful thing to do. I miss Germany for many reasons but most of all for the people.

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MamaDukes,

I share so much of your pain, I am experiencing many of the things you are and it always feels like people are just layering injustice after injustice upon my son's memory. It's so hard, and feels so gigantic that you can't explain it to others. It feels like your whole world is darkened. I know that your son would be a great comfort to you in your time of grief, and that's what makes it even harder. You raised him to be a good man, expecting to be able to have him with you in walking life to help and bring you joy and that was tragically taken from you.  But you can still carry him in your heart. We will help light the way for you when we can.

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Today it is beautiful outside. I took a walk in the sun during my work break and listened for the birds and felt the gentle warm wind on my cheeks. When I came back in, I passed the mirror and noticed that my cheeks are blushed the way my son's used to when he was elated. It made me smile. 

Much love and light to you all today.

I am reminded of the opening stanza to an Emily Dickinson poem called, 'The World is not Conclusion'

Quote

 

This World is not Conclusion.
A Species stands beyond - 
Invisible, as Music -
But positive, as Sound -

 

 

 

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Tommy's mum

01daf7680996e981144223ada4e9ea0a.jpg.60cd29fa7717b0448099a22d8705c7dc.jpgThis is such a good site for sharing emotions pictures and memories. Thanks to everyone who has taken the steps to join.

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tobyfreefoot

 amyanne i am so glad you came to this site. it helped me sooo much.  i just wanted to tell you i have a co worker whose mother threw away all the pictures of her sister when she was killed in a car accident and a woman who use to be on this site told me she waited 6 years to look at her daughter's picture so you are not alone in that reaction. i was just the opposite i could not get enough of my son's pictures. everyone experiences this tragedy a little differently but i think we all have experienced the unbearable pain.  we all share so many similar things though we can sort of help each other along and mostly we can all listen with that knowing heart that the rest of the world doesn't understand. i would love to hear anything you would like to share about your beautiful girl. and i will gladly listen to her wonderful attributes again and again as others here have done for me. this is a place we can grieve and shout and also brag and carry on about our beloved children. no one sees us as boastful just broken hearted and in love with our lost child.i also to this day cannot believe this has happened. i hope coming here will ease your soul at least a bit.

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Steve s mom

Hi Everyone,

remember I told you about my godson to be

he was delivered early morning today at 27 weeks ,2 lb his name is Graison 

he will be in the Nicu untill July he is doing as well as expected right now critical but stable on the ventilator he is a feisty little man moving his arms and legs all over .please pray that he will grow big and strong ,we can't handle another loss in this family 

Steve would have been his uncle I guess ,now he's his guardian angel 

 

 

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My girl is in heaven

Steve's mom

Praying for the new little fella.  Like the name. I'm sure your son will be watching over him. I'm fairly new here.  Sorry for the loss of your son.  I lost my daughter in 2011.  

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Mary Ann, God Bless that sweet little Man of yours. Oh my how I pray that he is growing each day and being made strong and healthy. I will continue prayers as he fights for his body to get stronger. blessings to his parents and grandparents, may you all rally around this young Child and help him grow into a little boy, then a young many and on to old age. Congratulations MaryAnn.

Bob, please don't speak rudely to my friend Kate. Some of we Americans do not see things in black and white, silly to blanket statement any group of humans. I think that you are dealing with some bad stuff, we get that, Kate gets that, hell she had to deal with a lot of bad ****...we all have and are dealing with some terrible things, yours however is recent and so we know how raw it is. I hope that the people responsible for Jake's death are caught and held accountable...we all hope that as we want our kids to have at least that! A tiny bit of justice.

Peace-

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Bob, you are a boorish prat. Irrespective of nationality... baseless ignorance is best left to fester in the minds of those that are unable to carry on a civil discussion rather than resorting to name calling. Your comment to Susan the other day was rude and uncalled for! Show some respect for the people of this site. You have been pushing buttons for ages. I hope they bring your son's killer to justice and then you can move ahead with your life in a positive way. Clearly you have an issue with Canadians. Your problem.

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Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.

Life is beauty, admire it.

Life is a dream, realize it.

Life is a challenge, meet it.

Life is a duty, complete it.

Life is a game, play it.

Life is a promise,fulfill it.

Life is sorrow, overcome it.

Life is a song, sing it.

Life is a struggle, accept it.

Life is tragedy, confront it.

Life is an adventure, dare it.

Life is luck, make it.

Life is life, fight for it.

 

Mother Theresa

 

 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Mary Ann....so happy for you....we have been blessed with two little new men since John David's passing...our new little man was in ICU for a very long time..gaining weight....(it seemed the days dragged on and on)....was so slow....he was a lazy feeder....now.....he has no trouble with feeding and gaining weight. We celebrate your new little man....those tiny hands have lots of healing in them.

 

Great Grampa with Veto....

IMG_0296.JPG

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Hoosier Guy you are nothing but a bully. It is not a sense of humor. You blame everyone else for everything and everyone is a loser in your eyes. When people blame everyone else, it is usually that person that is the common denominator and is the problem. Take a look at yourself and get some help. Maybe the barb's and vodka are making you crazy, maybe this is who you are but these people on this site don't need your big mouth bullying tactics. Leave Jeff's mom alone she has enough to worry about with her husband. These people are too kind to you, I have a lot nastier things to say but I will keep it clean for the kind people on this site. I am Canadian and proud of it! I won't clump you in with American's, I clump you in with the destructive bullying a***hles that don't make this world a better place. The only one that can make your world better is you!!

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XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

THANKX A MILLION CHER!!!!

i knew immediately he was a preditor type 

and I wondered if anyone else who sees his crap decerned this

any encouragement here just feeds his fire 

and reasoning with him is like reasoning with a 2 year old and expecting them to behave 

He's not going to stop 'til

he's ignored ~~ or kicked off

the site 

in this day and age it is his kind who are protected more than his victims  

just the truth of this society  

 

 

Edited by RAiNiE
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JD's Mom, Becky

Wanted to share my poem with you, as writing in the first two years of grieving my son gave me some peace. I'm sorry to see the stress exhibited here lately. This site has meant so much to me, a soft place to land and share without fear of criticism, only loving hearts that helped me along my journey.

FB_IMG_1493225053664.jpg.9eb2cc026a4864b08c038df5ff8f33f7.jpg

This was about five months after losing my Jared. Hang on! Time does soften the harsh edges. Much love to all here.

 

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Mermaid Tears

I am not easily offended....I am from Texas....if you don't like a song...turn it off...if you don't like a program...switch channels...

Bob....Kate is a strong woman...her son died of suicide...right after that her MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer..and Kate nursed her through it all...she died..hardly having time to grieve...then her husband was diagnosed with colon cancer...she nursed him and stood by him through surgeries and chemo...she then had some health issues....but here she is....rising up and catching the sun's rays...grabbing what life and living she and her husband have left on this earth home and looking for what small and simple gifts she can find with each day. She has been given the gift of Grace.

We understand you have a raw grief and lots of anger...we also understand how dark and heavy this kind of grief is...and many parents on this site know how hard it is to fight for justice for your child...in your case....we all want the person who shot your son to be brought to justice. We do want that to happen for you.

With that said....we all honor each parent on this site....we let parents be angry...hurt...wail...and express their hurt and pain...and many have very challenging situations and circumstances in which they have to live with their grief....and we have compassion and care for each one....each parent is as unique as their child is unique.....we do NOT allow judgement or name calling. In fact....IF my son, John David heard or saw someone talking or acting in that way...he would be the first to correct them and he came from a long line of real men that would defend someone being mistreated. I believe you are one of the 'small men' that would never say that to someone's face....but can hide behind a screen. You do not make me angry....or sad for you....from now on...I will ignore you.  Maybe you should find another site...I do not approve of your language on this site that parents come to for hope...clarity...grace...and a place where their grief is understood. You have a toxic mouth that hurts. The parents on this site carry enough hurt.

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XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

glad ppl adress the issues of these two or are they the same person???

just a reminder ~ we are given permission to NOT throw our peals before swine

and that's all I have to say about that :)

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Mermaid Tears

Becky...our Warrior Mom....I remember that poem....so well. In fact, I made a print screen shot of it....still love it. I agree....this site gave me and still gives me so much compassion and understanding....I am in a place of 'being ok' because of the care from all the parents on this site.

We had to go to Port Aransas to choose another resort for John David's Memorial this summer....the other resort we stayed in for years was not being maintained...we just went for a couple of days...they were having Sandfest....and then I remembered...John David had been to Sandfest in 2012...we got all the reservations made...all the loose strings tied up...memories are everywhere....here I am in front of the creations I liked the best....

ScreenShot1004.jpg

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My girl is in heaven

 

Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?  I just sit here reliving all the mistakes I've made in my life and she was just the most awesome kid ever. She had so much kindness and compassion for people. She had so many plans for the future. She only got to drive once by herself after just getting her drivers permit.  McDonald's called the week after she died to offer her her first job.  The kids at school all wrote about her in a book and almost six years later I still haven't read it.  I don't know why all these memories are still twirling around in my head.  I didn't get to her in time to save her. She was only 17 and that's all she got.  And yet here I am, 56, just taking up space.  She was such a great kid.  Better than I ever deserved. Why couldn't it have been me instead of her?

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Hi,

JEFF'S MOM: That is a nice poem. My son got a tattoo of Mother Teresa and said to me look mom this is you and now my other son is going to get the same tattoo put on his arm. I am going to put that poem on my fridge, so I don't forget to live sometimes. We don't know how long we have so I better get out there and embrace life. Easier said than done, but I am doing it by going through the motions and doing the best I can do. Thanks for the poem.

TEARS IN HEAVEN: I know you are a good group I have been reading. I haven't shared much as I am unable to grieve until I have finished the celebration of life for my dad on Saturday where I have to to the eulogy and everything else. So grief cannot happen right now. It feels so unfair that I can't even grief my son, but I am worried I will fall to pieces and not be able to fulfill all my responsibilities for my dad's celebration. Next Tuesday I have a new group starting that is strictly for parents of adult children so that is coming at the right time. I am looking forward to it.

RAINIE: You are very welcome. We can't allow someone to treat people like that on this site. We are all grieving and all the other stresses we have in our life are overwhelming. I can't say enough of how much people like that anger me and I don't need that in my life right now and neither does anyone here. I am very  sorry for your 2 losses. Yes Bob and Hoosier guy are the same bully. 

YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE KEEP BEING KIND.

 

 

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Hello  to  all INDOGOS.  I haven't been on for awhile....more problems

with my computer. Hope it's straightened out now. :wacko: Here goes....(before

something else goes wrong.)

So sorry to see new parents on this site.

Susan------thank your for posting the pic of the adorable babe, Veto, with

his great-grandpa.  Glad that the little guy is coming along so well. Also....

that's a lovely pic of you at the sand sculpture.  I agree.....memories can be

bittersweet, but they are ours to cherish, aren't they?

 

Rainie-----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son. I hope you will come back to

this site. Everyone here understands the sorrow of losing a beloved child.

 

Dianne---- thanks for your kind words.  I, so,  know what you mean about an birthdate coming

up....Your Michael's birthday May 16.  (My baby Lisa's birthday is also coming up in

May.)  Yes....sometimes the date is just below the surface of our emotions, and then

we can get "blue",  and then realize that the date of their birth is near.  I guess that

it's just part of this lousy road we're on.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

Dee-----Hi.... how's all your flowers/blossoms coming out?  We have lilacs, but not very many.

The bush needs pruning, badly, so not too many blooms. We really pruned the other one back

last year, so no blooms on it this year.  Grass is growing like crazy. Farms around here are

spreading fertilizer, and prepping the fields for planting next week.

 

Mamadukes----I'm sorry  that you have had the necessity to find your way

to this site,  and I'm sorry for your loss of your dear son. Please come back.  Peace to you.

 

Stevesmom----Sending prayers for the sweet baby, Graison. 

 

Amyanne03-----I am sorry to learn of your loss of your sweet daughter, Katrina.  Please

come back to this site, and tell us about your girl. ......whenever you feel you wish to.  You

are right....many times, people just clam up when the name of our deceased child comes up,

and it can be very hurtful, I know.  We welcome everyone to share their stories of their beloved child.

 

Louann-----I agree....anger is something I think we all experience in the loss of a child. It seems so

unfair, in a way, that they should leave this world before us......when they had so much to live for.

Peace to you, friend.

 

Becky-----thanks for posting the lovely pics of your celebration for your dear J.D.'s birthday.

 

HAPPY   BELATED   HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY........JARED.

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL   INDIGOS. 

 

Tommysmum----Thanks for that nice screen shot.....The words are so true.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

 

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I first checked out this site not long after Jeff died. I was in far too much pain to even think that I could relate or participate. I even felt that here nobody would understand my pain. It was as if I was living in a horrible nightmare that I desperately wanted to wake up from. I walked away for a time. I thought I could handle it on my own. What I learned was that this load was far too heavy to carry on my own. I came back to the site. Here I found understanding and kindness that I can not begin to put into words. We are all brought together in this by a horrible connection. One of our children has been taken from us and our hearts are shattered.  We come from all walks of life. We are united by understanding the true nature of each others pain and loss. We have disagreements from time to time. That is the nature of things. We know we can count on each other for support when we are at our lowest. Many thanks to everyone that has been there for me over these very difficult seven years. Sometimes words are not enough to show gratitude. Thanks to ALL!

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My girl is in heaven

Becky  your poem is beautiful.  It should be published.  I wrote a really nice poem for the paper for the first year.  It just poured from my heart as I can tell yours did.

Rainie I think it was you who said that you pretty must just exist since losing your boys.  I can so relate to that.  No matter how hard I try I just can't put life back together again.  And I think it was jeffs mom who said she was never the same person again.  I guessI just can't figure out who I am anymore. My husband and I don't have friends or hobbies.  Our kids were our whole life 24/7.   Cher  I am Canadian too and proud of it. But for a minute there I thought maybe we weren't welcome by Bob's comment.  I am go grateful for my new American, British, and German friends.  You have all been so kind.  I'm sorry if I sound too needy and am yapping too much. I feel like I am at some kind of crossroads and I need to make the decision to carry on this road of living without my daughter or not.

  

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Lou ann.. that is exactly how I feel about my daughter...your words are the same words I feel... WHY!!??...why couldn't it of been me...She had her whole life a head of her.. SHE has three daughters to raise....!!!.. I also sit here re-living the mistakes I have made in my life..It should have been me..not her..My daughter was such an awesome young lady..she would give the shirt off her back to help someone..She was the joy in everyone's eye!! She fed people when they didn't have food..She was the apple of my eye..My granddaughters deserve their mother..not me..

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I block the pain away by making myself not think about my daughter, I think about her then I make myself think of something else so i don't cry.. but it only lasts so long to not think of her.. I love her so much, and I hurt for her so much.. I see my granddaughters accomplish things and I cry of happiness but I cry of sadness because my daughter, their mother, is not here to see it...

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