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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Cheryl, I am so sorry for the pain and ache so deep in your lives right now and while we grieve forever more, it will become a different kind of grief later on. In the meantime, you have had so much other stuff and loss going on that you really haven't had time to grieve fully for either Son nor Dad. It takes lots and lots of time and patience with yourself to find your new life, but I promise, you will. I know you will be there for your Grandgirl who is missing her Daddy so much. As you come up on that first anniversary you are likely feeling more and more anxiety which most of us will tell you is normal for such a sad event as losing a child. Patience. It is okay to mourn and to grieve and to not be as you once were. None of us are. We find out who we are as we go along. You will too.

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I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be.
Happy birthday to my beautiful boy! I love you Forest.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MAN- FOREST

You flash that gorgeous smile Forest and we grin back, because you smile with your whole spirit, your whole self...

Give Mom your biggest hugs and signs that you are nearby, I know that you are proud of all of her steps...

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Cheryl thinking of you and saying some prayers for you that you will feel Forest close to you today. God Bless xxxx

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Just wanted to say a quick hi to all. I'm not well again have a heavy cold enough to keep me in bed today. I'm going to try wring the journal as Diane suggested I feel ready to so this but just a word or two of how I'm feeling I don't think I could write about James yet my heart wouldn't take it. 

Thank you Kate Dee Diane and Sherry for caring xx

Ive put up the pictures of the Robin that's sits with us at the grave this is on the feeding table but when I sit there, the grave, it will come out and sit with me so close I can see it breathing. Also my kisses in the sky these really lift me for a moment as I feel James is trying to let me know he's ok. But I very quickly get my doubts and that almost distroys me.  God Bless xx

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Mermaid Tears

Gretchen.....to you the Mama...with all that Mama Love....I see him...your SONshine boy...with that Mick Jagger smile...that lanky body with all that energy...I also see you holding that photo...and all those memories held in yourself...and the memories held in your hands. Sending you my empathy..as only a Mama can....that knows where you are on this day...we are in a rare club....a sacred group....that can know what this day feels like.

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Mermaid Tears

been very busy....will post my thoughts later on the political issues....yes...I voted for Trump....will not apologize...

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Nobody should ever feel that they need apologize for the persons they voted for...Glad to see you here Susan.

Georgina, I would ask that you hold onto the magic of that little robin, the way he comes to sit near you...is not unlike what I picture our angels to do, sit quietly by and make sure of us. Let your body heal in bed for a few days, and picture that pretty robin sitting nearby. What message do you think the bird who visits might be delivering?

 

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Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I went to toast forest with peach vodka. No one else could come. I discovered two large cracks in the acrylic. Put it somewhere in my mind so wouldn't break my heart. I contacted an acrylic guy. Can't be fixed but I have to deal with it later. I just am not up for any emotional upheaval. Trying to keep my newly gained sanity in tact. 

Cheryl I can totally relate to your pain and your inability to accept it. Accepting it would mean it is ok and it's never never gonna be ok. I struggled for 5 years then had a nervous break down and was hospitalized. I'm not sure why I am doing better- drugs, neurotherapy or the fact a psychic gave me seemingly valid messages but all the same acceptance doesn't even seem reasonable. One year is still not much time at all so don't expect too much of yourself. It is long process of two steps forward one or two steps back falling down and struggling up again. Peace to you my friend if even only for a few minutes

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Gretchen, sorry that there are cracks in the acrylic...but proud of your finding ways to handle it to hold onto the new strength you have worked for. A toast of peach vodka to your Boy likely made him smile that gorgeous smile.

I guess acceptance means something else to me in regards to my Daughter's death. I found that I accepted her death as fact, not that it was okay but needed to accept that she was no longer going to walk through the door or call me on the phone with new stories...that there would be no new stories. I came to that very early on in order to find my steps. So while I know that it was not okay that the train crossing was broken for 11 months...that it had been reported broken...that there was a wasp nest in the fuse box of the crossing because it had been so long since someone changed the fuse...it happened and nothing I could conjure would change that fact. And so while I accepted the facts that surrounded Erica's death, I embrace my Girl each day, talk to her each day, and close my eyes in deep spirit talk  with her each night. It will never be okay that she died in this way, or died early in any manner...but it is what happened.

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Mermaid Tears

I think it was you, Dee, that said...'I accept the fact that my child does not walk on this earth home...I do not accept that she is dead'.....

Acceptance....is what the parent has in their own unique narrative...I can not adopt what another parent describes as acceptance...we come from so many different backgrounds...experiences...situations. I am learning...(still)....from the narratives that Dee, Kate and Debby have posted in that 'they have learned to carry their child with them....they are not leaving them behind. This is a 'learned' human behavior. We learn in our way to carry our child.

Gretchen....so sorry about the cracked acrylic....am sure it is due to 'age and weather'....I do like that you know what can spiral you down....(what we can control...what we can't control)....there are days when I know "I can't go there".....cannot revisit....put the photos..letters...cards....to the side...not away.....for I know there will be a better day when I am a sliver stronger.

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Yes, acceptance for me Susan meant that it was  not okay but it was real. I know that many have a fear of acceptance meaning that they are leaving their child behind, or giving up on them somehow, and of course, we never will. But just like any concept, we all have our own take on them, we are again, like snowflakes, all of us different and all of our Babies different too. We arrive at the different stops along the way in our own ways and time... no prescribed ways or times. Each unique. I remember a long time ago, I feared that not replaying the events of that terrible night might mean I was leaving Erica behind, not honoring her...but in time found that to best honor her in my life was to let the horror go as best I could and instead, live my best life with her light, shine her all around as best I could, I won't forget that story of how she left, EVER! But I can live remembering the best of days with Erica in them instead of staying on that replay of the worst. It was not easy to do, I had to physically change what I did each evening right around the time that was her hit-by-the-train-time, so instead of going out for a walk each evening at that time...I would take a bike ride or walk with a friend so that I changed the images that haunted my each day.
This is what I had to do, but it took time, and I had to learn patience with myself.

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Yeah Dee not going there took lots of work and time. Now I run in the opposite direction which isn't perfect either but I suppose it comes with the ptsd it left me with. Someday it might be better but I can't do any kind of immersion therapy. My shrink doesn't think that would be good for me either. Going to do some other things to try and strike that balance though I feel pretty comfortable right now maybe a little dulled down but feel ok. My guess is i feel more like people are suppose to feel. I have been so depressed my whole life with occasional bursts of exuberance (i have still somehow loved my life in spite of the fact) it is unknown to me what feeling ok is. Maybe this is it.

I can except forest is dead on a general not coming back through the door level. I can deal with that. It is that intangible emotional thing of dead. Dead. My baby has no animation. No way of showing love No way of acting wild in the streets. nothing. Nothing. Just dead. I guess my lack of spirituality is probably the problem and that angel lady hoax or not is what arrested that desperate metaphysical search I was on. Gak now I'm just babbling. Lol I don't know what I think about anything. In my studio feeling good. That is a plus.

Working on making it look like I am inside a big quilt with wallpaper samples now the insulation is in. Still need to add the white strips between rows 

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HAPPY    HEAVENLY  ...........BIRTHDAY..FOREST,   .....ANGEL IN  HEAVEN.....

SEND DOWN ONE OF YOUR BIG SMILES TO YOUR MAMA AND FAMILY & FRIENDS TO WARM THEIR HEARTS WITH LOVE.

 

Georgina--------thank you for posting the pics and story of the little robin.  I am a firm

believer that nature can calm and soothe the soul that is grieving.  Hang on, friend......

we're here for you.   Take care.

 

MaryAnn---Sending prayers for the baby and his mama, and the whole family.  

 

Cheryl-----So sorry for your recent loss of your dear father.  Peace & comfort to you.

 

Dee------Yes, I agree.......there are different ways of 'accepting'  the loss of a child.

When we say we 'accept'  their death....it is definitely not saying that we are ok with

such a loss,  .....only that it is a reality.   Myself,.....I feel that I became just doggedly resigned to

the fact after awhile.   Resigned that it was my new reality and that I had to live with it. Stoic

outlook, I suppose, but that's how I ended up.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND  COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

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InHeavensKeeping

Thank you Sherry I've been in such a dark place since James's anniversary. Peters is looming.  I'm trying to hang on with both hands. Xxxx

James and Peter  I miss you so much I will love you forever. Sweet Dreams xx Mum xxxx

 

 

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Gretchen, you are not babbling, you are stating what is for you. I think though that you hit it...my spirituality allowed me to still vision Erica's 'animation' and I could feel her actions and love so clearly...many of her friends and cousins have as well, both that she visits in dreams and that she visits with funny things happening. She was funny in life and is still funny. Your studio looks like a work of passion and delight. I am so glad that you are creating your happy place.

 

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Georgina, are you feeling any better?

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I have been gone too long from this place of refuge.  I should never have left.  Thought I was ok.  I see many of the same names and am encouraged that you are still here.    I am sorry that I have missed so many birthdays and Angelversaries.  I still have all the pictures and videos and look at them often.  I guess what brought me here again is a good friend just lost his only son on Friday, and I am so heartbroken for him and his family.   His son was also a friend of Brooks' and I had him in my class.  I have not progressed very far on my grief journey.  In fact, for all the steps forward I thought I had walked, I seem to be only walking backward.  It's been over three years and I have still not accepted the loss of Brooks.  Anyway...I am afraid.  I don't want to go to the funeral.  I don't want to go to the wake.  I don't want to break down anymore.  We have talked and he wants to talk more after everything gets settled down a little.  I will be there for him and his wife and will of course go to the funeral and wake to hug and comfort them, but I am still afraid.  Since Brooks' death, I have been to five other funerals for his friends.  It's just crazy.  How is this possible?  I am just tired of death.  I could use some good thoughts and advice, because it almost feels like I'm going to Brooks' service again.

On a positive note, Mikey, Brooks' "stepson/more like brother," is making it on his own so I signed over Brooks' truck to him.  He has kept it beautiful and has promised not to sell it without telling me.  I still talk to Shauna and her other children, but Mikey and I have created a bond.  He misses Brooks a lot.  Makes me feel good to know that my son had that impact on him.  Brooks would have been a good dad.  Mikey has a graphic arts business and created this shirt for me and one of my students sketched this picture.

I have lost faith, but still have some hope, and I send that on to all of you.  It will be ok...it must be ok.

Hugs to all of you!

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi thanks Gretchen really helps me to have this caring family xx Dee I'm  feeling a bit better today still in bed look awful just white with big black panda eyes. I have to keep going Dee I'm scared I could give up so easily but you all keep me going step by step day by day. I do feel bad because I don't do much for all of you but I did stay up last night looking for a song to touch our hearts and hopefully give us all some comfort that all I can manage. Xx 

Wade so happy to see you back. I will never forget the video you did for us. And that wonderful day you found the deer on Brooks resting place such a beautiful sign from your beautiful Son. So sorry your having to go through so much death of young people it much be so hard I wish you strength in the next coming days Wade. God Bless xxxx

Take care everyone gxxx And Thankyou xxx

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Wade, so good to see you again, we sure do wonder about our friends after they leave...it is fine that you left and feel a need to come back. It is not that you are not doing the work of grief, it is that you are being reminded over and over of that horrid pain and shock, now with your friend whose Boy knew Brooks is gone, well it sets you back to square one...seemingly, but I would ask you to take a look back to see where you were three years ago and see how your steps have taken you to today. Yep, like all of us, with starts and stops, but forward we go anyhow. You have helped many and as you see, so has Brooks, his love and help are still helping those he loves. Being gone from our physical world does not change the love...the love is as strong as it ever was or could be. I am sorry for the many funerals, I had many in the years that followed ERica's death as well, many of them at the same funeral home...the replay button is ever present, and circumstances such as this hit that button all too often.

Love the shirt!

Peace Wade, stay a while, we have your heart-

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Georgina, the music is a beautiful mournful song of love. You never should feel you don't do enough for others here, your presence and the love you show is what being here is. You are a part of this family.

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Hi Wade, I can not tell you how often Ross has asked me how you are doing. It is so good to hear from you again. I agree with Dee in her response. We keep going. One foot in front of the other. There are no magic feel good pills. How I wish there were. I know it sounds corny...but we have to take each day as they present themselves with whatever challenges come. I too am sick of death and illness. Fact of life.  It is always particularly difficult when we see a young life that has so much promise that is cut short. Where is the fairness in that? Who can give us a satisfactory answer to that question? There is none that will satisfy a parents anguish.

We had six consecutive deaths in our families. One was diagnosed and then we went through the trauma of the illness and eventual death. One would go and then another took their place. We did not have time to come up for breath. The only way we actually were able to cope was to deal with each crisis as it arose. One day at a time. It knocked us off our pins after the dust settled. Our health was compromised in a serious way. You have seen how that has affected many of us here on the site. STRESS is a killer. How to deal with it? I can see from the background that you are working out. You look great and I love your t-shirt! I'm sorry for your friend's loss. I know personally this is affecting you. You are in a position like no other around you in that you have true connection to his feelings. I know you are a kind and caring person and will offer your support. Your boy will be so proud of you as you are remain standing on your two feet and helping those around you. It takes guts! Hang in there. Kudos for all you are giving to others. Ross says "HI".

Kate

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Wade, here is one little trick that I use to bring me into check when I feel overwhelmed with things that are going wrong. I know it sounds simplistic but it has really helped me on many occasions. There are days I feel angry and seriously ticked off as to the events that have happened to me over the past few years. It is so easy to look around us and see others that appear to have it all. Families that are intact, happy lives, etc. I ask...why me? What did I do that has brought me to this place of hurt? It is easy to cite many grievances.  I say to myself that I could make a list as long as my arm...I already know that which is seriously pushing my buttons. What I then do is to make a mental list of the good things that I currently have in my life. The things that I often take for granted. Those things that we are surrounded with on a daily basis and have become used too. Why not try something that is just for you? Try a course that is something off the wall. Right out there. Something that you have always wanted to do for yourself but never made the time? Then focus on doing just that. Do you still go salmon fishing? Are you into photography  at all? I imagine you have some great opportunities to take some fabulous shots. Whatever turns your crank is what it is all about. And remember that your boy is along for the ride. The whole way! He will always be with you. One day at a time. 

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.Wade good to see you. I too have had one of my best friends' son die and forest's very best friend died in August. It is hard to be there but your presence means so much. Having someone who knows is a comfort. You may find talking with his loved ones may help you explore your own grief and definitely you will find you have lots of wisdom and strength that you didn't know you had. You have made progress. You will be able to tell as you witness their early months how far along you have come. It is a slow and rocky road with a lot of switchbacks. Don't feel bad about how far you have come. I ended up in the psychiatric hospital at the 5 year mark so believe me you are not alone.

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Along the sleepy  street where the man charged in the Quebec City Mosque shooting was raised his neighbours painted him as a kid that was like the others when young. He played baseball, swam in backyard pools and explored the nearby forest like many his age. But something happened to him. He was bullied at school. Called different and a nerd. He started to fixate on guns and the death of Castro and Trump news. He was arrested on Sunday having stormed the Mosque while men were quietly praying and shot at random. It left six dead and 19 wounded. He had learned to develop a thick skin and the events of the past while in the news triggered something within him to act in this despicable way. He turned himself in. Where did he get that gun? It was an assault rifle. Banned in Canada. My guess is the obvious one. We are living in very troubled times. Our kids are watching how we react to the events on the news. We need to clean up our act. Guns kill.  May they rest in peace. God give their families comfort and also his own Mom & Dad. They were decent people.

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Amen Kate, that the families of those who were killed while in the act of their religion, their faith, killed with the ease of moments with a gun.

We have so many kids in grammar school who are teased and will be bullied by others because they are different than the others, whether that means different looking or different acting, we need to teach that no matter the person, we have so much more in common with them than not. I have one child on the autism spectrum in my class and I fear for him when he goes to Middle School, here at least, the teachers love him and nurture his love of science and are patient with his need for more time to get done due to processing slow-downs. He is a beautiful being who has a life to lead, and it should be a life without torment. We have many kids in our school that have emotional and learning issues that make them, "different"...but in my heart, they are the future, they are those who see things we might not, they are those who may design the next cancer meds because of their hyper focus on specific issues...they are humans with beating hearts and the same need for love and respect that we all have. DON'T bully. We see from the recent history in our country that many of those who commit such horrendous crimes, that they were also bullied as kids, damaged by so many years of disrespect.

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georgina the little robin seems like such a sweet thing to visit you. i think i told you all of the dragonfly wing that i discovered at forest's grave. well we have had terrible windstorms since then-more than a month ago. i was there a few days ago. it was still there and as i was marveling at it when the wind came and swept it into one of the holes in the memorial that is there for flowers. go figure right? crazy.

Dianne i love hearing of you finding michael's notebook. i can picture it in my mind so poignant and beautiful. in my mind it is all fuzzy with tears and love and glow of the beauty of the life he has given you. <3

here is a pic of me in the loft in my new hidey hole.

Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by, you can spend the night forever
And you know that she's half-crazy but that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges that come all the way from China


Bobby says i am suzanne and this is MY place by the river LOL

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Look at that smile Gretchen! right there in your special spot. Lovely.

I agree with you Gretchen, it made me smile that Dianne found the sketch book...Dianne, I love that you sat with your Son's musings and felt him near, taht you spoke with him, and felt better for it. Big steps indeed.

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Good to see you Wade.  The good thing about this site is that we can step out for a time , and then step back in when we need to .  While we wish we didn't  have to belong to this group we are so very thankful for those who are here and faithful to walk along side us and truly get how we feel.   A life long journey, made bearable by those who understand and care.    I am so sorry about the loss of your friend's son.   It is so hard when ones we love lose a child and we know the road they have to travel.  I have had that happen several times and my best friend's daughter is struggling with cancer right now.    Going through it with someone brings everything back and opens  the wounds up that we thought were scabbed over.   And while we are there for them, we go through the pain once again.  But we do gain our footing and continue on one step at a time once again.    Keep coming back, there are very special people here.     I believe that everyone  is overwhelmed and affected by the state of our world and recent events, and it causes alot of pressure and anxiety to all of us, however I also believe that in spite of what is going on, we have already experienced the worst that can happen to us as parents and as Dee has shared we are so strong to survive just one day without our child.    So  while we may not see eye to eye on current events, we are bound together by a common thread and I am so grateful for everyone here.  Thank you all for being a soft, understanding place to land when we grow weary in this journey.

Have a restful evening.

Sandy

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You have all warmed my heart and I can feel the love, which gives me strength.  Amazing how words like these over such long distances heal the soul.  I am so thankful for this site to be able to come back to.  I believe I will stay awhile. :) 

Gretchen, I noticed the new name, "tobyfreefoot," and would like to hear that story.  What an awesome picture...your own little hide-a-away.

Kate, I do still go salmon fishing, but I probably won't this year.  It is hard on Renea to be alone for the summer.  She knows it helps my soul, but I have been too selfish in that respect.  Please tell Ross thank you for the thoughts.  I do get to the gym and it sure does release that stress.

Dee, the Cubbies won!  Brooks would have loved that so much.  As always before, I am uplifted by your words.  You are truly an inspiration.

Sandy, we are all bound by a common thread.  I have watched many videos and read many books to try and find my way and they all say that same thing.  I hope your friend's daughter beats that cancer.  It does seem to happen more often.

Dianne, thank you for your words of encouragement.  I remember my first post here.  Basically I said I found this site, but didn't know what to do, but it didn't take long for the words of love and hope to reach me.  I need to find that again.  I need to find my "happy thoughts"... those marbles that will help me fly free again.

Georgina, for you...

 

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Mermaid Tears

Have been busy....we gathered up our Tay and brand new little man and brought them to Brenham...so much easier for us to support and care for our little Mommie..who is quite smitten with her miracle tiny man...she is an adoring and loving Mommie. He has to be fed every 3 hours...to keep gaining weight...we can cook, shop, care and pet her. How different it is for young Mothers...years ago...when families lived close to each other...there would be a circle of women...a Mother, Grandmother, Aunts, friends and neighbors to support her and now many of these young Moms come home and are many times on their own except for the Dad.

Dee....I do hope education can take a turn away from Common Core to Common Sense teaching. Instead of teaching for the testing...teaching for the education. In Texas we are finally getting education reform in dealing with all the testing. I am wondering when all this bullying started ? I am talking about this mean kind of bullying. I guess social media plays a big part for one can post very ugly things to someone...and be 500 miles away. In this day and time...it takes a very special made person to be a teacher....when I would volunteer at schools...there were many I would want to gather up and take them home with me.

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Mermaid Tears

Wade....I think your grief journey has been quite unique. I think that your place in the community being a teacher...knowing so many young ones...gives you a great stage to show them how to respect, care and treat each other. I also know how very painful it is to attend those funerals...you know the dark days ahead for those families....you re-visit your grief every time. We can all go back to 'that day' in a second...and re-play that scene...and feel that dark pain. I remember being a young teen-ager and my Grandparents told me I was going to a funeral with them....I told them I did not even know the person that died...my Grama said..'you don't go for the dead...you go for the living'.....those words went deep and I understood when so many people came for John David's Memorial...how loved my boy was/still is. How it comforted me and my broken heart. So like you to give Brooks truck to Mikey....and I am glad you both have a bond....I think needing people is a good trait to have. We do better when we need people we can work with, friends we can laugh with, friends we need to share our thoughts. I still think that is one of the photos I will always remember....the deer on Brooks resting place. One wonders what guided it there? There are no coincidences

Kate....thank you for sharing that info....when tragedies like this happens...I always think of the parents and family ...all the remorse, regret, guilt and shame they will live with for the rest of their lives. Their lives will never be the same...as with the families of those who were gunned down.

Georgina....I don't think your friend is one of those 'Grief Bullies'....she may have been stern...but I do believe she was just trying to reach out to help you. I probably would have reacted the same way if I saw a friend crying in their car all alone. Maybe my words may not have been quite right...but my intention would have been for the good...just to try and bring comfort.

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Wade that picture is so awesome! !!

The name? 40 plus years ago I lived with a boy I am still good friends with. He was a poet (and a crazed alcoholic) and that was his first of several aliases especially when drunk. For many years people knew him as Toby. He is sober now and we have a deep and abiding affection for each other. He had an alias for me when he wrote to me often while in his cups-Allison which is what I named my daughter. Long story but I love the name, makes me think of pan and an award winning poem he wrote. Don't worry my husband loves him too. He is a gentle loving very depressed soul who has been there for me all my life. He is the uncle of Joshua the boy I have posted pics of that died 2 years ago.

OK Susan the baby is absolutely beautiful!!

I reiterate wade I'm glad to see you. Sorry you find the need but hopefully you are feeling the love and comradery we have and it will help you through the dark hallway.

 

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Cheryl, Tony's Mom

Happy Birthday in Heaven Forest!!!   Tell my son, Tony "Hello"

 

Dee, Tears in Heaven, Sherry: Thank you for the support.  It was a beautiful graduation Day for my granddaughter yesterday. Yes, we could feel Tony's presence all around us!

Thank GOD for a beautiful, sunny day

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Wade, YES the CUBBIES won, so Brooks and Erica were dancing...so cool. I love the deer resting near Brooks, letting you know all is peaceful in Brooks' world.

Beautiful Baby Boy Susan. So nice that you have Tay and Veto nearby for now.

Cheryl, I am thankful that you let us know how it went yesterday...graduation day. Hope and prayers to you and your whole family.

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An interesting topic that of acceptance it was good to hear people's thoughts because it is a confusing concept. Our children have passed on and to think about not seeing them again in this life is too awfully sad to do. I try and remember good things, talk to Tommy and am working hard on being able to find a happiness in life. For me acceptance means i have acknowledged the fact that my son is gone. i am not ok with the way he was taken but I know I can't change anything.I know all the details of how Tommy died and it took a few months to be more peaceful of the fact but i know I have done evrything and contacted everyone connected to his death so i know there is no more I can do apart from emailing the university every year on Tommy's angel date. For the parents who have no answers on why their child died, ie who was responsible my heart goes out to you, answers make acceptance easier. The well meaning but ignorant people who have said to me (not on this site) "What do you think Tommy would say if he saw you so distraught?" is so cruel. i know my son would be terribly affected to see my raw grief and long to hug me but he cant. i hope he sees my tears as an expression of love for him and the mourning because I miss him so much, and I hope he helps me on my road to recovering from this tragedy and getting on with my life. i know that the steps forward i make are down to him being beside me and when I spend time with his siblings I think he smiles. Its so hard though because there is no visible proof for us but I believe as we carry our children in our hearts they walk beside us and give us strength to keep on going.

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Mermaid Tears

Cheryl....so glad the day was sunny....and it is at those milestones when we are focused on the broken circle...but we put our invisible Superman cape around ourselves and shine the light for the family. I have always said...John David wasn't the only child I love...he was the only child that died. There is a special kind of grief for siblings and family members....who suffer....not like the parent but they have invested loving memories they are dealing with and yet...they have to move forward. As parents...Grandparents....we have a responsibility in supporting them. Along our grief journey I think we can teach our other children how to travel through the tragedies of life and not let them shrink or devastate us to the point of not living to our/their potential.

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InHeavensKeeping

Oh Wade I cried when I saw the photo again thank you xxx

Diane I wish to be strong like you.  James left so many sketch books lots of words beautiful words he could of been a writer he wrote from his heart but I can't even look at them I've tried but I get distraught.  I'm so happy you found strength and then the joy in looking through it.  Xxx

Gretchen Thankyou I remember your story of the dragonfly xx

Dee Thankyou for your kind words I don't know what I'd do without you all xxx

Susan Thankyou I wish I could think of my colleague as trying to help but she said everything in the way the artical on ' grief bulling' decribes. She feels were in the same boat as she lost her dad and husband but it's not the same as loosing your child I can't say that to her and I wouldn't but it's another battle I could do without. X

God Bless xx

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Yikes......I am so behind. :o  Will try to get caught up.

 

Wade-----So glad to see your post.   I think that it's not unusual for

us to think that we are 'ok' after awhile, only to have a setback, as

you mentioned.  As you said,  we are so hopeful that we can make progress

on this painful road.  It's the pattern of grief after losing a child.......several

steps forward, then some steps back.   So sorry for the recent death of

Brook's friend, and others.  These deaths are difficult to deal with when

grief is so raw & painful .  Thanks for the pic of the deer at Brooks' grave site.

 

Dianne-----So nice that you found the book and that it brought you so much

comfort & warmth,  remembering your dear son.

 

Georgina-----Thanks for posting that lovely song by the Dixie Chicks. I had

never heard it, and the words are so beautiful. 

 

Thanks to EVERYONE  for all the nice pics pics and posts.....I'm still reading.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

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Oh that pretty smile on Michael's face, and dancing and singing as the CUBS won the World Series, by all means, I think many of Our Kids were/are thrilled by this win...

Remember that your love is as strong as the love your Child has for you, unending and complete.

Here is my shaft of light, that appeared one morning while I was walking in the forest preserve, months after Erica died, maybe even a year, but I don't remember now...I said aloud, " Erica where are you?" And then this beautiful shaft of light was in front of me in answer to my question it seems. She was right there all along.

 

Shaft of Light.jpg

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Mermaid Tears

I remember that day you posted this photo, Dee, it gave me a shot of 'hope' and 'truth' of the love and bond between a Mama and her girl (child) can never ...ever be broken....I have a copy of it on my wall here in my office...

 

Dianne....I believe that as parents grow in their 'grief'...we reach levels where we can read, touch and re-visit things our child created..touched...wrote...they become our small sacred treasures...

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Dee that picture is beautiful. I wish I was computer literate enough to post pictures etc. I think we will always look for signs from our children because they give us hope for the future and helps our healing. I love to hear about others experiences, because these love signs are so infrequent and so valuable to our hearts. I hope I don't miss any, but sometimes it is just a warm feeling when you experience something beautiful in Nature, a single flower in winter, a sunset, snowflakes, a crashing sea, a beautiful pebble, there are a hundred ways, don't you think? I begged for a shooting star and got one immediately, there was the biggest brightest rainbow stretching across my road on the day of Tommy's funeral, and twice I have seen a young man (different young men ) who looked exactly like my son, wearing the kind of clothes he wore. As parents we embrace these signs because we love so deeply and long to reconnect across the atmosphere because we cannot hug and kiss them physically for now. I believe they are always with us helping us get through difficult times and rejoicing when we acheive things and make steps towards recovering. Dianne take pride in your good moments you are making so much progress and it will make the gazillion awful moments easier to bear. You made it through and finding michaels sketches must have been both powerful and joyful yet at the same time so desperately sad.  Ericasmom you are right love goes both ways for parent and child it is an unbreakable bond undamaged by distance and time just waiting for the day when we are finally reunited again. To everyone Celebrating birthdays and anniversaries are incredibly hard to bear but as we pass each one we get a little stronger.

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Wade, I have been thinking of you the past few days. I imagine that the funeral is now over. How is everyone doing? How are you?

Sunday...SUPER BOWL! BRING IT ON!

Fleetwood Mac...40 years tomorrow. Rumors album.

Becky, let us know how your appts. went. Hope everything is fine.

Georgina, in time you will be able to go through James treasures and not feel as overwhelmed as you do now. In fact, you will come to treasure those keepsakes. I know that I do.

They had the funerals today for a few of the Muslim men that were killed on Sunday. They played an important part in giving back to their community. One was a Lawyer, a Pharmacist, and University Professor, a Store owner, etc. They volunteered with kids and were highly regarded by all. How sad.

Dee, thank you for sharing the shaft of light picture. It is always a sign of hope to us all.

Wishing all of you a very peaceful weekend.

 

Love to All, Kate :)

 

 

 

 

 

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