Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

Recommended Posts

  • Members

Dianne, I do believe that bringing Erica along, picturing and at times feeling her on my shoulder, talking to her outloud whenever I felt I wanted to talk with her, is how I have found my life again, it started right away in our loss of Erica, I felt that she was here in a new way, that I needed to stay open to it, so that we could continue our relationship, and we do. WE do. My Daughter is in my everyday in a way that brings such a gratefulness to my life. She marched with me today, at the Chicago Women's March. Her love is strong, my love is constant, and it will never die...and I will always stand as her Momma and She will always be my Girl. And my missing her physical presence, the life I hoped to watch develop and change over time will never be quelled. So I balance that missing with the fact that there is no closure, not going to ever let it go! I will never let HER go! She is my Beloved Daughter. Those who suggest there is closure or an end to grief need to realize that there is an equal amount of love on this side of the equation as there is on the other side, like algebra, what is done on this side of the veil----is also on the other side.Once loved...forever loved.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 68.4k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ericasmom

    9217

  • Mermaid Tears

    3803

  • daveydow1

    3002

  • shorty16

    2248

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Members

Hilarious Dianne, the number of days to go...yep a long road but hey, we all know long long roads don't we? We will learn along the way, we will promote goodness in the face of ugly, and we will look to new leaders and help them raise their voices. Love Trumps Hate! I saw a Mom and my former Student, Jill on the CBS news tonight, interviewed from Washington D.C. IT gives me such hope to see so many of our lovely young people marching in these amazing gigantic oceans of people, simply there to say: We are watching and we shall not let any of the bad stuff just go past, we will demand some answers and we will eventually, get some great people in the White House again, and in Congress. One sign that a little Girl was holding today as she rode atop her Dad's shoulders: Today she calls me Daddy...tomorrow I call her President. I wept as I read that. Yep, one day.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Becky, it is so good to hear from you. I am really sorry to see that you are struggling with so many health issues. Also, very pleased to see that Jerry is making good progress. It must give you a huge amount of relief and comfort to know that his surgery was a success. Your beautiful little Libby has come into your lives at the right moment. What a pleasurable and happy occasion when a new child arrives.  Do take good care of yourself and keep us posted as to your appointments. Good luck with the Dentist.

Susan, I am so happy to hear that your little man is thriving. How can he not in such a loving environment. Good luck with your renos. Enjoy it!

Dee, we watched the National News last night on CBC. We saw the many Marches that were held across the world. A couple was interviewed from here that had taken a bus trip down to join a peaceful March. They were questioned in detail as to their political views and if they were Trump supporters. This is the very first time that we have encountered that kind of flack at the border. Is this the beginning? As Canadians we stand for basic freedoms such as freedom of speech, religion, freedom of peaceful assembly. We are very proud of our role as international peacekeepers. We respect democratic decision making and the "rule of law". I agree with Dianne, the countdown begins.

Georgina, I am happy that there is a positive turn in your quest for justice for James. Hold on to that with all of your might! 

Our weather has been glorious this past few days. That snow that had formed drifts a few weeks ago has now melted and the deck is wet. I know it is a concern for our Global Warming issues, but for now... I say... bring it on. That cold was nasty! Sending warm wishes to everyone for a peaceful Sunday. Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
JD's Mom, Becky
On 12/30/2016 at 7:16 PM, ericasmom said:

 

Still can't seem to change this header... Tried deleting it, doesn't work.

Anyway, just want to thank all who expressed concern for my health issues, and also want to clarify some of what those issues are. I didn't and don't have ' bad teeth', in fact several of those that have broken off right at the gumline had years ago had root canals and crowns. The problem is below the root level, severely deteriorated jawbone, making the roots break at or just below the gumline. They were not able to do anymore root canals or crown replacement due to the bone loss. I have been taking supplements for years, and still have continued with tooth loss and many broken bones in the last recent years. Diabetes only complicates these issues. 

The situation with my eyes is not an infection, but rather leaky blood vessels at the back of my eye, causing distortion in my central vision, and the injections I am receiving are medicine delivered to the back of my eye at the retina to try to cause these tiny breaks in the blood vessels to dry up, thus restoring the central vision. I pray it works because they sure are painful. The picture of my eye is not infection, but is trauma from the shot itself. 

Jasmine has been busy trying to clean up our attic, which was full of boxes and bags of stuff that have been there since we first built this house which was in 1994. 

She found pics of me that I hadn't seen in eons!

Here is one from 1978, which would have made me 23 at the time, 

1235_1485027401261.jpeg This is me with my dad, Bill. I was wearing my mother's wedding gown! So hard to believe I was ever that skinny!

Here is another of me and my Dad at a Governor's Military Ball in I think about 1983, making me about 28 at the time. I knew this pic was somewhere in the attic, but wasn't able to find it to add to photos in the video we made for his funeral, in 2015. 

12075.jpeg

Dee, I use my phone to read and write here. My computer needs an overhaul, and I just don't have the physical or mental ability right now to fix it. I bought the parts I need, but that's as far as I got. I don't want to take it anywhere to get the work done as there are so many sensitive and irreplaceable files. I will get to the point I need to at some point. All my research after losing Jared, and correspondence between the lawyer and police, etc. Is on there. Also all my photo programs I used to create the many pictures I made of Jared. My whole office needs a serious overhaul, like Susan said, organized chaos! 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Becky, you look positively radiant alongside your father! How nice that you found those pictures. I have a box that I have titled my Book of Treasures. In it I have kept all of those things that are especially precious to me. The handmade drawings that my boys gave to me over the years from school. Pictures that are extra special. It warms the heart to sit and look over them as they bring back the special memories of those great times. Your health has taken a real beating after losing your precious Jared. I know that the stress levels hit the roof. The important thing here is that you make time for yourself to try to heal your body. You have earned the right for some major "ME" time. As we age we find ourselves caught between looking after our aging parents and trying to care for ourselves. Often we come up short when it comes to ourselves.

We tried to get out for a walk this afternoon. The fog rolled in and the roads were far too icy to go far. I can not believe how much snow has melted. Can Spring be far off at this rate? Looking forward to watching Young Victoria this evening.

Love to All, Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Becky....I see a spirited spunky young lady....no wonder I call you Warrior Mom....love that dress...that was the generation that would preserve the dresses for them to be handed down....my cousin's fiancee wore my Aunt's dress...it was simply preserved in a big box with lots of tissue. It was satin, too. Thank goodness we have photos.

Kate...there has been some wild weather across the South...11 lives lost in tornadoes...so very sad.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Oh Becky, I sure do get organized CHAOS! I am a clutterer...but kudos to you to even know what parts to purchase to update and fix your computer...goodness knows I haven't a clue and no desire to learn about anything mechanical. I am a wimp in that department. Becky, what a special group of photos you found. Your beloved Dad and you walking the aisle. You look beautiful. I think that most of us were at our thinest in those days prior to our marriage...I am quite sure that I would never fit in my dress again...what a pretty dress you wore.

Yep, really bad weather in the south, stay safe everyone.

Husband and I both woke up with a bug, his is hitting him very hard, mine is less so but does involve the stomach-yuck. He has slept most of the day and evening and I took a long nap as well. We had to cancel plans to have kids here for dinner as we don't want to give it to them. Noro-virus going around big time in this area.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I felt so proud to watch the women's march on tv in the UK. No matter what your political beliefs it was so encouraging to see women kids and men peacefully demonstrate in support of what they believe. Ashley Judd and Madonna let the side down with their vulgarity and crude approach, next time i hope the organisers approach women that have clarity of speech and class to be the voice of women everywhere. It shows what individuals everywhere can do on a large or small scale and motivates me to try to do more in my community in any small way to improve lives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Wendy, it did my heart so much good to see that the whole world was indeed marching, and telling Trump to understand taht we are watching. I did not hear anything vulgar from Ashley Judd. I heard her say nasty woman...in reference to Donald Trump calling so many women 'nasty'. Madonna always says controversial things, but swearing doesn't bother me, I do wish she hadn't said, " I have given thought of blowing up the White House!" Makes her look rather militant and puts the light on her motives. It was all peaceful though, which is so beautiful, a half a million strong in Washington, 150,000 or more in Chicago...on and on, and all of these marches...peaceful. One can make a difference in peaceful endeavors.

 

Thinking of Leah, Shannon, MaryAnne...so many from long ago: Colleen, Trudi, Carol, Bonnie...Greg...the names go on, the list goes on, the love continues.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Beautiful pics Susan and Becky. So nice to hear from you Becky. No time to write but here are three generations of women-me, my daughter and her daughters also my bestie of 48 years and her oldest daughter marching (along with my son logan, son in law and grandson)

received_10154101447911712.jpeg

20170121_103337.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hello to All  Indigos..........Just checking in, but seems to be a time

right now where I don't have much to contribute....:huh:....I'm  sorry.

 

Georgina------I, so, know how exhausting it is for you with your quest to

somehow find justice for James,.....and having health problems too.  Please

try to take care of yourself as best you can.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Diane-----thanks so much for the writings you posted. There's a lot of wisdom

in there.   No, I agree......there's no 'end'  or real 'closure'  that well-meaning people

may advise to grieving parents who have lost their darlings way too soon. We

somehow go on, and our angels are always with us.

 

Dee-----The Women's March in Chicago,....which you took part in.....was on

the evening news....we saw it !   Cheers for you and all those other marchers

there in Chicago, and all over the nation.

 

Becky-----Thank you for all those lovely pics you posted.  You look lovely

in your dear mother's wedding dress. 

 

WISHING       EVERYONE     PEACE    AND    A    RESTFUL   NIGHT.

 

SHERRY

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
JD's Mom, Becky
On 12/30/2016 at 7:16 PM, ericasmom said:

 

Still with this heading, I give up! Just wanted to share this poster..
FB_IMG_1485350978877.jpg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Love that Becky.....and parents learn how to keep loved ones in our heart....a lesson learned hard...is a lesson learned well.

Georgina....what a long road you and your family have traveled. It seems that every parent on this site has had a challenged uphill fight for justice for their child...in their quest not to let a person/persons get away with being responsible for taking a dear life. We do hope that you get a definite answer...that this case can be led to a solution. Many parents just want what happened to their child to be brought to the public's eye so it does not happen to another family....and we want the person to be charged legally with their crime. We want to stress 'self care'...whatever comes...you are still important to your family and at the end of the day....you will still be the one to do whatever is necessary to protect your emotional and physical health. Try to take a day off...and put it all in God's Hands...calm your heart and spirit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Great words Susan, in relation to what parents want, to bring light to the event that took the lives of our Children so that it does not happen again: We must learn from our pain or it does happen again and again.

I am home two days now with vertigo, went to school yesterday feeling it coming on and left before the kids were in class, luckily a substitute could be secured last minute...wow, I was so sick. I always cry when I get like that, reduced to being in need of others to take care of me which is the opposite of what any of us want. But when you don't know up from down, and you are throwing up...you need others. I have to say, I am grateful for those others. Getting better.

Gretchen, what goodness in those photos, out with the family marching in peace with so many others...and that Baby's smile...priceless!

Yes Sherry, the amazing sense of wonder that came from that march was amazing. Now we need to use that sense to fuel our actions.

Becky, I agree, they are in our hearts riding shot-gun forever. Thankful indeed for that.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Dee....one of my Golden Girls had many episodes of vertigo....they finally found a Dr. who then got her to a physical therapist and taught her some exercises to bring relief. It was like day and night for her. I don't know the exercises but maybe you can research that. I had vertigo a couple of times...years ago...so...so sick.

Update on our new little man....he is a happy beautiful little boy....I can see all the Mama love all over him...he is feeding every 3 hours...so...he must be gaining weight...they go back to the pediatrician on Friday for another weighing ....in this photo....one can see the tattoo on Tay's arm...taken from a letter John David wrote about her and siblings....the necklace is the charm from my Mother's charm bracelet....charm bracelets were very popular in the 60's....I had one and so did my Mom..I would get a new charm on birthdays, Christmas...and it would give us something to buy for my Mom....my Mom bought charms for both of us when Randa, John David and Jesse and Jeremy were born...Tay has my Mother's John David charm...I now wear mine on my necklace. My handsome GRANDson turned 21...he is a Jr. at LSU.It is quite an eye opener to look over my shoulder and view all that has happened since we lost John David....like a wave...our family carries on.

ScreenShot611.jpg

ScreenShot597.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Susan, that photo of your Tay with Veto, so beautiful. Is this 21 one year old a look-alike of John David or am I just seeing things?
 Congrats on both a new Babylove, and a 21 year old Babylove.

The exercises are something I researched today and did a bit of them. WHile I was already on the mend today, the exercises are going to be something I incorporate in my life, they seem to do a lot of good. I watched a few different videos on them on youtube, simple enough and very helpful. I hate vertigo, goodness knows it is debilitating. I have had about 5 bouts with it since the first one...so in 20 years. One is enough to say NO MORE. The Chiropractor/Homeopath I see said it probably all had to do with the virus that I had earlier int the month when I lost my voice and was congested...all that inner ear pressure.

Took another nap, up for Jeopardy and feeling much much better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dee-----vertigo....it's dreadful.  Hope that for you........it is gone for good.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

I wanted to share this I found it so uplifting that somebody understands what loss feels like and have produced this album of songs about loss. There's an article to read about why as well. Xx

http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2017-01-24/olivia-newton-john-on-how-cancer-and-the-loss-of-her-sister-inspired-her

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

God Bless Mary Tyler Moore who passed today...back with her Son Richard who died back in 1980. She has done so much for women and for diabetes awareness, and for lifting up those with her quick wit...even in her sadness. Blessings Mary.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

thank you Sherry and Susan I can't explain but I truly feel that at times over the last few months that I have gone backwards in this journey. Just managing to work but can't seem to cope with much more. I'm trying hard trying to hold onto the hope but just feels that all those around me expect more by now and that hurts and hurts beyond measure. 

The case is just starting to move now the police have the report and have acknowledged this after a month of waiting. I just really hope that they do right by us now, finally, I don't know what I'd do if they don't. But Kate I did cling to that fact that we'd had some good news. 

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for keeping me going these last few months I really do. Reading the post and pins and seeing all the family photos have really helped me it's nice to know you have someone that really gets it xxx

Hugs and peace to you all gxx

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

This is an interesting article which I can resonate with Xx 

 

When your grief is attacked

June 13, 2014 by RaeAnne Fredrickson Leave a Comment

Grief is Attacked

Grief bullies are all around us. I wish it weren’t true, but it is; the desperately brokenhearted are ambushed and attacked for their normal response to grief.

It’s happened to me. It’s happened to my loss friends, and sadly, it will happen to the next parent whose precious child dies. Even people who seem to have amazing support will eventually experience an inexpiable shift, where suddenly people have “had enough”. And every time I encounter these heartless attacks, my blood boils, my heart grieves deeper, and I have to fight the urge to reach out and shake the insensitive offender. These grief bullies are intolerably cruel.

What’s so appalling is that these unfounded attacks are often made by family and friends, the very people who should be supporting them the most. They claim to be “well-meaning”, and to have your best interest at heart, but good intentions mean nothing when it comes to grief.  It’s the selfishly-motivated desire to be rid of our grief that brings about this turn from support to attack.  And while it’s inexcusable that a babyloss parent should be accosted for his/her completely normal reactions to a devastating loss, it seems to happen all the time.

Just like any other bully, the attack is never about the loss parent. It’s always about the bully. Grief makes them uncomfortable, so they lash out. It’s the ultimate version of kicking someone while she’s down. It hurts my heart because the LAST thing in the world a grieving parent needs is heartless “correction” by a person who has no clue what they’re talking about.  And believe me when I say, if you’ve never experienced the death of your own child, you do not understand, and your opinion of child-loss grief is irrelevant.

How sad that we live in a society that thinks you can get over the death of your child. How broken it is to believe a few months or years will be all it takes to heal such a massive, gaping wound. I guess people don’t understand the bond between a parent and child. I guess they don’t see how bullying actually sets healing back. How it makes it even harder to move forward. Otherwise, they would know it never ends; that love doesn’t end with death. The grief of living without your child is new every day. Yes, it changes, but there is no such thing as the day you wake up and are “done”.

If people put their energy into supporting, nurturing, and encouraging the bereaved instead of focusing on their own needs and opinions, can you imagine how much easier it would be for the parent to heal in a healthy way? I can.

It’s time for grief bullying to end.

So let me just take a moment to speak directly to those who bully the grieving:

First, let me say that unless you own child has died, you do not understand the grief of child-loss. Period. So stop thinking you know how it should be done. You don’t.

Secondly, I just want to know: What is it you don’t understand? Are you really so heartless that the death of a baby means nothing to you? Do you really value the life of an innocent child so little? Are you really so lacking in empathy?  Or is it that you’re afraid? Afraid that if you accept my reality then you’ll realize you’re vulnerable too? Does it hurt too much to face the truth that death can take whomever he likes, whenever he likes and you too could just as easily be sitting right next to me in grief?

I did not choose this. I don’t want to feel this way. But if I’m the one who has to live this out, the very least you can do is try to be understanding and compassionate. If I tell you how I feel, it doesn’t matter one bit if you don’t like it, or disagree. It’s not about you. At all. Your only job is to lovingly support me, right where I’m at. If you can’t do that, then you need to stay out of my life.

When you and your friends in the gossip circle decide “someone needs to say something”, or when you get the urge to “set me straight,” STOP. You are wrong. Completely and totally wrong. My child died. My heart, my beliefs, my comfort, my joy, my safety, my future, my dreams, and so much more have been mercilessly stripped away and I’m expected to keep on living. I will never be the same again. Suggesting I “get help”, “take a pill”,  “put on my big girl pants”, or anything like this are all completely selfish and massively insensitive things to say.  They do the opposite of helping me. They make my life harder and it’s already about as hard as it can be. “Tough love” has no place in grief-support.

Helping me involves climbing down into the ugly pit of grief in which I now unwillingly reside, and sorting through the sorrow, anguish, rage, trauma, confusion, and injustice with me. Your quiet support is all that’s required. Unfortunately for us, not many people can dig deep enough into their pool of compassion to be the kind of support a grieving person actually needs, for the long term. And if my choice is between grieving my beloved child’s death in the way that works best for me, or being your friend, you’re going to lose. I will not pretend to be okay for the sake of people who don’t understand. My love and my loss are too big to hide, and it’s not my job to make you feel better.

Always remember this: It’s never okay to criticize a grieving parent.  Ever. You have no idea how hard it is to live without your child, and your inability to understand doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong. It means you need to put that much more effort into loving and supporting me.

Until you can do that, I have no room for you in my life. My heart is too full of love for my baby, and my energy too tied up in supporting myself as I do the work I need to recover from this trauma.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dee, so sorry to hear that you are suffering with vertigo. I am glad that you felt a bit better later this afternoon. Helen suffered from Meniere's Disease when the kids were young. I had many a call to pack an overnight bag and stay with her for a few days while she rode through the episode. Take care of yourself and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Georgina, thanks for posting the song and advice about grief bullies. I have encountered my fair share over the past few years and sadly they are out there. Slowly over time you become more skilled at handling the situation.

Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a good evening.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks Kate, yes, one of my sisters' has had menieres and while I don't know if vertigo is in itself a diagnosis, I know that the effects of meinere's is the same. It is ugly.

I echo what you are saying to Georgina, the grief bullies cannot handle who we become Georgina, and as I have said here in the past: that is going to have to be their problem as we have enough on our plates as parents of a Child who has died...so I have let some friends go because they wanted me to keep being on the receiving end of their discomfort. NOPE! Not going to be beat up by those who allegedly love us. None of us need that but letting go means more loss to many, so sometimes, you have to wait until you are ready to cut that tie. I will say that cutting that tie with one such person, was the very best thing I could do for my spirit. Thank you Georgina for the article and the music. Holding on is sometimes all we can do and that is an exhausting because what we don't always realize is holding on means using up our stores of energy to cope with daily stuff, and then we need extra energy to do the work of our day...this is how we run on empty and get sick. Sometimes that fight that we take on to hunt for the elusive justice is just too much for our systems, not ever EVER because we are not strong enough...but because we are ONE and the companies or lawyers protecting the guilty party/parites are many...it is hard to fight many. In our fight with the railroad in Michigan, it turned out to be in federal court because the feds pretty much own the railroads...we were never going to win. After 4 years we took leave of our fight with a settlement and the promise that ground would be broken to change the configuration of the tracks. We went away knowing that nobody would die as Erica did. Ending that fight, that drain on my spirit lifted and I felt energized, but my Ex felt so blue when the fight was over, felt he had nothing to get up for. Sad. We all deal so differently and there is nothing wrong with that. Bullies be damned!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

Thanks Kate and Dee it's a sad fact of my life that I am surrounded by grief bullies.   Today as I drove into work I felt so upset I sat in the car when I arrived crying, I have been doing this often of late, then I pull myself together and get out of the car and take those steps forward to start another day. But today a colleague saw me and came over she opened my door and said "come on get out I'm not standing here in the cold""this is got to stop"james wouldn't want this" you've got to be strong and keep going" . It went on and on I know she was trying to help but she's such a hard person she lost her dad when she was forty and her husband a few years later and kept saying "I know it's hard but you've got to move on". Then she said I shouldn't still be going to the grave each day that it's not good for me. I felt even worse and just wanted her to leave me alone. She made me feel like it's wrong to cry and I shouldn't do it. I kept saying I am strong I'm still here srnt I I work every day don't I! I guess she's a grief bully. I just wish I had a bit more energy to fight back but I don't but thank you Dee for the advice xx I'm glad you got the changes and the settlement in your case a bit of justice for all  

Take  Care xxx

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dianne, I completely and totally agree. I remember vividly after a couple of years  how that curtain of protective covering lifted. The immense pain and shock was now gone. I stood and looked up at the night sky and knew that it was me... and me alone... that was about to carry this loss for the rest of my life. When I turned off the computer to this site, when others had become used to knowing that I was the Mom who had lost her son...and I watched them continue with their own lives in a normal way. I felt as if I was set adrift on open waters. I had to find my own inner resources to successfully continue. Tying to not focus as much on what had happened...keeping as busy as I could with outside interests...until one day it dawned on me that I had no thought of Jeff for hours. That was OK. I had to learn that it was indeed Ok to get back to living again. I was not deserting him by doing this...just getting back to functioning normally. He was always going to be with me in my heart. I would carry him along my life's journey...but I had to continue to live. His life was completed on this earth, and mine is yet to finish. I hit a wall when what seemed like well-meaning people made hurtful or ignorant comments. After a time I have learned that it is not their fault. They simply can not know what it is to lose a child. They do not understand. They offer comments that are frequently given not with the intention of any ill will. They are frustrated as to how to help. And so I basically just shut it out. And there are others that are just plain mean about it. Let it wash over you if you can. They really don't matter.

Keeping as busy as you can will definitely help the grieving process along. There are no short cuts in the end. The tears will flow. They need to be out in the open. Seeking all the help available is only just plain common sense. Professional help if you are in a position to be able to afford it is invaluable. Whatever will get you to that point of feeling some relief is essential. You can be your own worst enemy, or fight like a trooper to challenge yourself to be strong. In the end, it is your own choice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I now find that this was a complete hoax and she is not dead. This does not change the fact that someone felt she deserved it because of her behavior. Perfect example of how people judge others.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Mermaid Tears

Just wanted to say that this girl...and I...shared many hours with each other...she on the screen...me on the couch....so much fun....you never forget someone who made you laugh......Shine On....

ScreenShot631.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Love that  Susan, Rest in Paradise! I grew up with Mary too, watching her, trying to dress like her, loving the way she seemed a natural in her roles...and not unlike us, she mourned her Child. What a smile on that face.

Time for some rest, and I wish deep wonderful rest to you each. Sherry, thanks for your care...have you experienced vertigo? You are right...dreadful is such a good word to describe it.

 

Love and care-

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Georgina-----I understand your feelings that you are sliding backwards on

this grief road.  That is the way it seems to be .......like a roller coaster at times,

and a step or two forward, only to experience a few steps back.   Your co-worker

who seems intent on giving you a good 'lecture' is not helping you...that's for sure,

and I can so understand your wish to be just 'left alone'. That is a natural

reaction to those who try to impose their advice on us.  Early on this road for me.....

I, too, experienced some unwanted ''good advice' ,  and my way of coping was, and

remains to be just keeping more to myself.  I'm not advocating this method for anyone

else unless they choose it.  Mourning is a very personal experience, and each must

do what they think is best for themselves to somehow survive the terrible reality that

they find themselves in, through no fault of their own.   As Dianne and Dee and Kate said.......the people

that become grief bullies cannot fathom the depth of sorrow and despair that the

grief-stricken parent is going through..... they're not able unless they, too, have lost a child.

You are still working, and that says a lot about your strength....even though you may feel weak.

I, so, hope & pray that as the investigation into dear Jame's death progresses, that justice

can finally be accomplished. Thanks for the writing on grief bullies, and for that great song.

Such good and fitting words.    Wishing you peace and comfort, my BI friend.

 

Dee-----I have not experienced vertigo, but working as a nurse in hospitals and Dr. offices,

I had come into contact with some patients who were suffering from vertigo.  I have had a

bout with extreme dizziness about 6 mo. ago when I was deathly ill from food poisoning or

a nasty  'bug' for 24 hrs.  Whenever I am dizzy.......I am so afflicted with nausea & vomiting.....ever since I

was a child.  Thank goodness these bouts are very infrequent.   

 

I'm off to read and listen to soft jazz music.......I think it will suit me perfectly tonight.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND    TRANQUILITY    TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Sherry

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sherry, yes, me too with nausea, the minute I am off kilter, I start up. Have always been motion ill as well.

Some jazz and a book sounds good on a night such as this...on a night when Trump has raised so much alarm and hatred that my heart aches for the meaning of America...it no longer means what it did, he is demoralizing our country, and he is raising fear and seemingly readying for war. Oh my goodness, how do we stop this man from making our once shining example of democracy, a joke? Sorry to politicize, but this is just too much. Banning folks at airports from entering our country even with refugee status and green cards. Oh pray that someone take him aside and make him understand the reality of this decision. Help us find ways to reach out to the rest of the world and let them know that these are the actions of a narcissistic angry man. Just one angry ugly man. Those who put him in power???I wonder what they are thinking now.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
InHeavensKeeping

Thank you Diane for your advice and kind thoughts and words I am going to try the journal never thought to write a word or two it will help me when I look back. I do think we've come a long way but I think your doing better then me. I m just stuck in that moment, on that day, the thoughts, feelings, details, fresh and raw. I do have lighter moments but there always tinged with the much badger ones that are waiting in the background ready to knock you sideways in a second. I'm trying I listen / read and 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Georgina, I think it is safe to say that for everyone here... no matter how far along on this journey that we are...we will always have those good and bad days. We have triggers that set off those memories that can often send us onto a downward spiral. For me, just a song that will come over the radio, or on the TV...can often choke me up. After seven years I have found that I can keep the tears from flowing if I am outside in public. That need to run and hide that I used to feel has now left me for the most part. Yet, the holidays and such will always make me more aware that my boy is absent. Gosh, how I miss him. I hold on to my faith with all my might when I am feeling particularly low. We here are all behind you and never feel you are alone in this. I can only pray that you will find that justice that you are so wanting for your precious James. Hang in there.

Dee and Sherry, gosh...that sounds awful. I remember poor Helen could not even get up from her bed on those bad days. Sick, etc. Nasty stuff for sure. Dee, hope you make sure you are taking good care of yourself...as I hope you all are on this site. Sherry, your evening sounded just to my liking. Do you like Diana Krall?

Becky, how did it go at the Dentist? Thinking of you.

Laurie, how are you doing these days? What is the news?

Our weather is actually quite sunny and warm this past while. Just to my liking. The Mercedes race is for a four week period. They have set up five different designed famous race courses on the lake... and then on the last day they hold the actual race. Exciting all around. Five thousand dollars for the four days each week. Not to be sneezed at!

Take care everyone, and have a peaceful day.

 

Love to All, Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Sorry if I offended...but do remember, I never felt Bob should not talk about guns, guns are how his Son died. I wrote to Bob and asked that he not leave but to understand that many worry about the gun talk, however there is a place for all here because we respect each others opinions...but just as trains are a source of hyper attention to me, guns are and always will be for him. Many of us asked Bob both publically and privately to not leave and keep posting.

The facts are, the American deaths from radicalized folks have mostly been from American citizens, not those who came here from the now banned countries. And the move by trump is not on illegal immigrants, these were folks with refugee status which is a long process in order to receive, and or those with a green card. The 911 deaths were mostly due to horrid radicalized folks who were not from the countries we then attacked. But I do get it, I will try to keep my politics out of here...And this does remain a grief site for all...at least I hope so and don't mean to change. I would welcome other opinions of this political situation we are in and i would not feel attacked by it. Sorry if I damaged anything.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Folks, if I caused this discomfort, I am sorry. I will keep my politics to myself. I did not feel what I was doing was judging but stating the worry in my heart and spirit. Anyhow, no need to leave Lora, I will put to bed my politics on this site.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I feel I would like to respond in defense of Dee. As a neighboring Canadian... I along with my fellow countrymen... and indeed the rest of the world are concerned about the direction in which your new President is taking your Country. Indeed, it is all we hear on the news these days. We must admit that everyone of us has at some point in our family history arrived from another place. That is what the basis of the foundation of Canada and the States was built upon. A better life for all and freedom to pursue our own path in life. Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Freedom of Speech also includes people that do not agree with us. To openly discuss our views and at the same time listen to that of others with an open mind. When that is taken away...you lose your freedom.

On this site over time we get to know a little about each other and their lives. That also includes their concerns and daily issues that they deal with. Losing  a child places us in a very vulnerable place. We can be extra touchy at times and it can be triggered by many things. I personally  enjoy reading the viewpoint of others even if I do no always agree with them. That is what makes the world an interesting place. And that is why I love living where I do. I value my freedom. I do not take it for granted.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I so agree Kate, that we listen to one another in order to learn about each other's lives. I do not feel judgemental in my opinions, they are just that, opinions. In many ways, the friends and family I have feel that we are grieving our country's standing and meaning in the world. It feels so very sad, and yes, scary.
 But again, no offense was ever intended.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Dee, anybody that knows you knows where your heart lies. I hear you. You are entitled to an opinion. This situation is HUGE! The concern is HUGE! It is the only thing people are taking about these days. Are we not indeed fortunate that we can openly discuss this without fear of being hauled away to jail? Our freedom is everything. Building walls is insane. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thanks Kate, it is so worrisome...I woke up in the night wondering about how America is going to handle the lack of freedom that was just here 9 days ago...I have a neighbor whose Son is married to a woman from Turkey and we worry that this woman's family will not be able to travel as they once did to visit America. Turkey is not on the banned list but until yesterday, neither were 7 countries that suddenly are. And Syrians? Really the most oppressed and injured folks just working whatever way to get to a safe place after so much displacement? Our Student Council which me and another teacher run, will be raising money for Syrian Refugees at our annual silent auction at our school carnival. It will be held next Saturday. This year the children that won the design contest: run by our student council, painted their designs on homemade bookends. The bookends were made by my husband. I will try to post some photos of them next week. I have stayed after school two days and one more should do it. We have 3 winners from each grade level: 18 winners painting. So when posed with the question of where the money should go this year we began researching with the council members, different needful charities. The 3rd, 4th , and 5th graders stood strong for Syrian Refugees. We usually commit ourselves to a cause for 3 years of support so that the kids can see that it makes a bigger difference if we stick with something longer than once. Previously, we supported work done in a specific village in Ghana, helping kids have access to computers so as to be able to continue to higher level schools, and also to the children in that village who are disabled. Many orphaned there due to Aides crisis. So we are doing some good even if it is a small bit, it makes a difference in teaching kids here how to use outreach in this world to make someones life better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

What a great screen-shot Dianne. It does indeed take a village. I am happy to be in your village.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

For a change a little good news my neice is having my godson in July 

I know some people may think it's crazy but Steve came to me in a dream before she was even pregnant and said Trish his cousin was having a boy and that he'd be his godson and he'd be watching over him.

well trish is 36 now and never got pregnant before she never thought she'd have kids so this was a surprise ,he's due around Steves birthday in July 

she is having a problem pregnancy already and the baby is attached too close to the bottom of her uterus insted of up higher that could mean she'd have to be delivered early by c section but we'll see I hope all goes well

i just hope Steve didn't mean the baby is going to die and he'll be watching over him in heaven ,I don't know why I thought of that

so here's a picture of my god son to be ,Steves nephew 

hoping he will bring a little life back into the family ,who thought we lost all chance of anymore children being born when Steve died.

image.jpeg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hang on little Man, hang on and grow into a healthy baby to be born to a grateful Momma and Family, and please let Stephen guard from above...prayers MaryAnne. I hope that all is well. I do believe in your dream, having had many dreams that fortell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
Cheryl, Tony's Mom

Hello everyone,

It has been a couple months since I have been able to post anything,  The holidays were not kind to me and my son's birthday was 12-27, which really made it all the more difficult. I am just in limbo...I can't fully accept Tony is gone without a full break down.  I am just not ready.  I still visit him every week, just don't go every day.  My father died 01/13/2017 after a month long illness.  This caused a big family rift.  Really I am finding there is no time to grieve.  In 6 weeks it will be Tony's 1-year heavenly anniversary.  

His daughter will be graduating from high school on Feb 1, 2017 early.  We are very proud of her, but she is so sad her Dad is not here to see her walk physically.

I have tried a grief counselor, but I just can't speak of him being "dead", for over a few minutes.  That would cause acceptance.  Not ready.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.