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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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InHeavensKeeping

Peace and hugs to all my friends on this site. Your have helped me survive this journey of grief so far and given me hope.  Thank you Xxx

God Bless all our Angels in Heaven xx 

I thought I would share this xxx

 

 

 

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Thank you Georgina, Dianne, and Dee, Sherry, Susan... for your posts. My wish for everyone here is that the next few days finds you comforted by the best memories that you cherish of your child. Also, that you will be surrounded by the love and support of those family members who are still here with us. Love to you all, Kate

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you Georgina for sharing the poem.

Also, Dianne, I like the first picture you posted, I saw that the other day and liked it. 

Hoosier Guy, I do get some of what you are saying. Especially after mounting a manhunt for the girl who killed my son.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Merry Christmas to all here. I know it doesn't seem merry or happy particularly in the first few years, but I promise you, it will get softer with time. 

I lost my youngest child in 2011. He was only 15, and I still miss him every day. Bob,I am sorry for the loss of your son, Jake. The driver that hit and killed my boy was distracted from all evidence, but she was never charged, and it has just about broke me. I fought so hard for justice and after two years of that battle and no justice at all, in fact harrassed by that driver to my family, left me quite physically ill and I've been fighting to try to slow the downhill slide ever since. She did more than just kill my son, she has done serious harm to my whole family. I hope and pray for anyone going through this  complicated grief. I can't advise anyone not to seek justice, it is a worthy cause, but remember to self care and lean on whatever support system you have, don't try to go it alone.

We went to my mother's house for Christmas dinner today, and it was good to see everyone and particularly the young ones. I will post a pic of me with my new grandbaby, Libby, only two weeks old. So sweet!IMG_20161224_160720.jpg

I have enjoyed all the poems and songs and pics posted!

My eye feels better, but unfortunately I still can't see any better. Go back in January to see what comes next. 

 

 

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Christmas Without You~
Written by Kaye Des'Ormeaux

It's going to be a sad Christmas this year
without your laughter & without your cheer.
I'll miss the sight of you with your Santa's hat,
and the smile you shared from where you sat.
I'll think about all the Christmas's in the past,
and hold to the memories that slipped so fast.
For they're all I have left to remember,
on this sad Christmas morning in December.
I'll think about you and cherish each though;
I'll think of your smile & the happiness it brought.
And as I listen to the church bells ring,
your voice will echo as the choirs sing.
I can never tell you, my love, how sad it will be
to spend Christmas without you here with me.
I just wish you'd touch my heart in such a way,
that I could live through the pain of Christmas Day.
And, help me to remember that your love
is still sent to me from the Heavens above.
And although you won't decorate my Christmas tree,
Your spirit will light the lights for me to see.
Oh, I'll hear your voice in each Christmas song.
I'll see your face in each child that comes along.
And although my heart will be broken and torn...
I'll know you're with Jesus on this Christmas morn.
No, Christmas won't be the same without your smiling face
but I'll know you're in a much better place.
I'll think of my precious child in everything I do...
Cause, it just won't be "Christmas Without You!"
Written by Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copyright 1998 Kaye Des'Ormeaux
 

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JD's Mom, Becky

A sign from my angel? IMG_20161225_120305068.jpg

There is no light source from this direction, this comes from the front corner of the room where Jared's urn is! I'm a believer!!

 

 

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Stevesmom----thank you for posting the poem.  Each of us will  especially relate

to the line...."I'll think of  my precious child in everything I do".

 

Georgina----Such a beautiful Christmas message from each of our special Angels.

Here is one thing I think of.........How quickly we would argue the phrase, if someone

ever said or hinted that our dear angels were not near to us.   They are with us ALWAYS.

Thanks again for the video poem and the screen shot  message. James and baby, Peter

are with you always.   Peace to you.

 

Kate-----Good to see your post, and thank you for kind words. :) What is your

weather like there, lately?  

 

Becky-----Lovely pic of you with your sweet little grandbaby girl. Bless her heart.

Take care. 

 

Bob-------Your loss of your dear son, Jake, is so very recent.......all the feelings that

you are going through are a natural part of the grief process.  I  also had a lot of anger

against the truck driver who fell asleep at the wheel and killed my son in an override

collision.  Angry that he could not even stay awake for his local run.  It is so understandable

to feel the anger and sense of unfairness when our child's life has been taken away by someone

else's negligence.....or intent.  I , so, hope that Jake's killer is apprehended and brought to

justice.  It's what all parents want for their beloved child, who is no longer with them, due to

the fault of someone else.  Wishing you peace, friend. 

 

Laurie------Yes,...I agree.....it can be difficult to find justice.   I hope you have a blessed

Christmas,  and your Angels......Jesse David, and tiny Angel Taylor are smiling down on you.

I feel my Angels.....Davey,  and  tiny Lisa  are among the host of ALL our Angels who are

smiling down upon us today.  

 

WISHING    PEACE  AND  COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS. 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks Sherry. I like your descriptions of Jesse and Taylor.

Also, love the photo Becky, not the first time I have seen this type of phenomenon. May you feel comfort this holiday. I saw a picture the other day of a majestic lion it reminded me of Jared.

Mary Ann, thank you for sharing the poem for Steve.

Susan, hope all is going okay for your festivities.

Bob (Hoosier Guy) I appreciate your sharings about your son, Jake. I hope you will find a way that will honor your son eventually. It is a long haul though the court process. It was over 3 years going for us. She is still fighting the case trying an appeal. Becky here had helped me in my case as she mentioned legal aspects of her case that aided us tremendously in winning as I knew what resources I should contact. One thing I can share, was the State Attorney’s office contact told me to always attend every trial date, no matter how small (even status  conferences).

We found that to be true. It was hard to sit and listen to her fabricate stories up to cover her a**. The worst was her trying to flip it on to my son Jesse having to listen to her web of lies in the court proceedings. In the end, I was fighting to protect my son’s honor in his death, something I would do over again even if it meant my own passing. Many people do not get this angle. It was a warrior-like stance -- that was my sacred duty to protect his integrity in his passing when he could no longer speak for himself. Many people that were in my circle then behaved like Job’s comforters – and  tried to make my efforts on behalf of my son a dishonorable thing, disgraceful on their part.  However I think they are the cowards as most of these advice-givers could not go the distance as I had to and they should have just shut their mouths not having a clue.

May you find the answers you need for your son and for his memory. I told my husband your story. His name is Bob too.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Here is my picture since many have posted theirs -- 

Also my son pics from that April --

And Jesse's favorite past time, working on old cars. He would salvage what he could and resell the parts or vehicle. Also, We were in the process of renovating a lake property when he was killed. You can read his comments. If any wants to share their photos, it might be a healing thing to do.

 

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Tried to write this morning, but I could not scroll down to hit submit. so I will try again.

Merry Merry Christmas. I want you each to know that I have thought of you each, your stories, your Children, your lives as you find ways to live anew. That is the story isn't it, the story of renewal, of life in the face of so much loss. We rub the ashes of our stories all over us, they become part of us, we move forward taking our Sweethearts with us because there is no moving forward if we can't find a way to do that. Nope, it is not the future we planned, but what I have learned is not to plan too much, to try to stay in this moment s much as possible, to use my heart in ways that enhance others lives and honors my Erica.

I love the photos from everyone...Boy Laurie, you and your Son look so much alike. Lora, great photos of the family. and Becky, goodness that baby is beautiful. I hope Becky that the doctors will find a way to improve your vision. I am glad to have seen you here today.

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Hey, forgot to say how much I LOVE The photo of Jared's spirit in your photo today Becky. We too have had orbs and spirit-visits in the photos.

Bob, I know what you mean, we try to look at the real persons our Children were/are. Our babies were not perfect, but they were, and always will be loved and nurtured and Lord knows, we will know them for all of time and miss them in all we do.

We spent a lovely time Friday night with my family which is my sisters and their kids and grandkids. One brother and his wife came. My Son and wife and two Grandies and we had a lovely time. The older cousins (great nieces and nephews) put on a play as our kids used to do each year, just so cool to see it continue. On Saturday, we went to my Grandies house just three blocks away and opened gifts and and simply loved our times together, and then out to dinner which was also wonderful as we were guests of my Daughter in law's parents. So today, we went to my husband's mom's senior living center to join with his siblings and their kids for an early dinner. I am selfishly loving the quiet of this evening, my hsuband and me jsut watching tv and chilling.

Weird weather here, warmish temps, windy and rainy, and the temps will only go up tonight with possible thunderstorms tonight. Odd. I like winter to be in the 20's with snow, weatehr that stays one way pretty much for 2 or 3 months. People stay healthier through winter when their bodies can count on consistent weather.

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Just going to post a couple pictures. The first apparently my middle son went to the cemetery Christmas eve in the fog. The next Marshall and his girl holding Allison's children. Logan with the girls. And Allison me and my mom. Felt better this Christmas than previously. I think all the new meds and neurotherapy are helping my stay up right. Our old family friend made me this ornament. Finally forest is there with everyone else to share the festivities. I really love it and it was so good for me to look across and see him there. 

I had another angel lady encounter I may have told you. That is quite possibly why Christmas felt better. Love you merry christmas

 

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Gretchen, I am so glad that you are feeling better this year at Christmas. I think that the work you are doing to find a way to feel better is great, you get to put a bit of control back in your life and get healthier as you do so. The angel lady? Is that the woman who you have gone to see and she holds something of our Beloved to her brow and tells about them? I would love to hear more, tell us more if you can. Man Gretchen, you and your Mom are so so alike in looks. My goodness. Does your Mom live nearby?
 The kids look great, the Boys and the Babies...and the photo from the cemetery in the fog is really pretty. Hooray for Forest smiling out over you all.

Bob, oh I agree...some of the traits our Kids or people in general have are part of their undoing.  I am sorry that your cousin took a bullet, but it does sound as though he could not lie himself out of that mess he was in. I fully agree with you on the topic of honesty and no bull-there is enough in this world that is negative, I do not want to be around humans that add to it. No lies. I  let go of my oldest friend due to her constant lying and twisting of facts. I just could not have her lies in my life anymore...no time for it and absolutely no patience for it. When Erica was killed and I worked my ass off to find my steps and to learn how to live my best life in her light, I lost my patience with those who waste energy...my old friend was one of them.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Kate, thanks for the Christmas greetings. Today it actually rained in northern Wi.

Gretchen, lovely pics....how thoughtful of the friend to make you that ornament. The baby in the cute bib is so CUTE! Fits totally.

 

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Hi everyone, I lost my 26 year old daughter 5/2/16. I miss her. She was like an angel because she showed us how to be. I don't know where to post on the forum so I posted here.

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Sweetpea26------I'm sorry for you loss of your dear daughter, so recently. You

have come to a pretty large and active site.  I, along with Dee, have been on

BI (formerly called Beyond Indigo)  for 13 years.  You will find understanding and

compassion, that you may not be able to always find elsewhere.  Everyone here

knows the pain, sorrow, and despair of losing a beloved child.  Please come back,

when you can, and tell us about your dear daughter.......when you feel you want to.

Your loss is so recent, and we understand all the roller coaster emotions that go

along with the sorrow.   Wishing you peace.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

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Dianne------Yep...I guess that we Midwesterners  have to put up with

the cold/snow and sometimes unpredictable nature of our weather.

I hope you find a home in a warmer climate, if you are considering

a move.  My husband and I have talked about making a move to

a  southern state, but we put it off.....trudge through winter ( with some

grumbling) :( ,   and then spring comes along,  we get involved in gardening

plans etc. and forget all about moving.......seems this is a long-standing routine

of ours.

Sherry

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Sherry, I sure do understand that pattern of thought; maybe we'll move, and then the thought of what it takes to pick up and go is exhausting in itself...but maybe one day you will go to the south...where would you land do you think? Carolinas? I hope that you had a wonderfully peaceful holiday Sherry. Did you see the Grandkids?

Dianne, I forgot that you had parents who let you down so very much. I did too, so we have that in common. I echo what Sherry stated, that perhaps you will be able to move to a warm climate one day soon. I hope that that will occur.

Sweatpea, I am dearly sorry that your Girl passed away. Please let us know about her and about your life too when you feel you can. My girl died 13.5 years ago, I found this place 6 months later and met Sherry here. We stay to give a hand up when we can, offering the help that we both were offered when we found ourselves here. We are here to listen and to hold your hand...tell your stories and know that we will definitely respond.

Bob, I am glad that you can mess with the detectives like you do...I would think that they will be glad to have a person be able to be light-hearted.

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Mermaid Tears

I do believe there are many parents that have the same thoughts as I have...'am so relieved when December 26th comes'....I have put Christmas 2016 on the books...I am so proud of all the parents that created a memorable Christmas for their families...while having that hole in their heart in the shape of their child...carrying on..the traditions that glue the family together...making the special dishes...wrapping up their love with paper and bows. I have been one busy Nonnie...I hosted Christmas Eve and Christmas day...Randa came down with cold/congestion. Jessie and family flew to Colorado where Heather's family was gathering...Jason and family came for Christmas day...Christmas Eve playing charades..(our tradition)...L to R..Mike, George (SIL) Tay, Leo.Randa, Daniel, front..Austin..(getting published this year)..Jeremy..home from Oregon, me, Hunter Bear, Pibby, Angela.my twins..Tay and Hunter Bear..in February 2017 she will bring our new miracle..my first Great Grandchild- Hunter Bear home from A&M..family in Colorado, our new little man sledding...Randa's family....

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Mermaid Tears

Bob...I think your prank with the detectives not only gave you a chuckle...but probably helped lift their spirits. I can't imagine what doom and gloom they have to deal with every day. I, too, believe that humor can be a great way to throw a little light into the dark. I grew up in a family that had a great sense of humor..and those 'one liners' that could turn a bad situation into one with another way of seeing it. I think anger is very normal when this kind of grief hits one. My husband had enough anger for 4 people. We had a Dad on this site with a similar situation...his son was murdered...shot in the head...but the shooter then turned the gun on himself. There are situations that call for anger. Yours is one of them. I think anger can be a catalyst...if used in the right way. Let it burn until you are spent...then slowly rise and live with as much grace and good as you can muster.

Laurie....I so see the Mama in Jesse David...I love that photo with the lake in the background...Mother Nature was such a part of his fabric. I am so glad Christmas is over.

Lora...what a sweet family photo...thanks for sharing....and I did not know you had a Granddaughter...such a gorgeous and blessed family.

Sherry....we celebrated Christmas in 83 degree weather....yes...the air conditioner was blowing away. We meet many Snow Birds...we call them Winter Texans...they come to Texas and the South during the winter...and then return to the Northern states in the Spring. It is a real boost to our coastal towns...because they rent the condos/hotels/cabins during the Winter.

Gretchen...am happy to see you smiling through it all...my Grandchildren do give me a purpose to work toward having the holidays be festive and cheerful. I think many parents that 'just don't want to' have to realize that life is for the living.

Dee....so grateful that you and Sherry decided to stay on this site....to reach out to those that 'have' to come here. I think my grief journey has been easier to travel knowing I am not alone....and also...when I found this site...I realized I was not going crazy...I was in deep mourning.

Becky....what a living doll....and I, too, hope the issues with your eyes can be healed.

Dianne...I am thinking that your Mom must have had a lot of failure in her life...and she used you as a scapegoat...someone to blame it on. I remember it was in my teen-age years that it dawned on me how mean and toxic some parents can be...some of my friends had horrible home life...some turned out to be fantastic people with good and loving attitudes...some...sadly...turned out like their parents. My Grama's favorite saying for the mean ones..'Leave them to heaven'...and get out of their way and stay away.

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Mermaid Tears

Gee....I wish it was a little cooler....but that photo was taken in Colorado...Jesse and Heather and family flew there before Christmas...they were having the family gathering at her brother's that lives there....they decided not to go skiing..so they went sledding..Jesse said Wyatt John loved it. How was your Christmas ? Did you have to work at the store late ? I was so..so busy...with Randa getting sick...I had to double up but really....I would rather be frantic busy than with too much time on my hands....no down time means no melt downs...

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Susan, Love those photos. What joy. Hope Randa is well. Tay looks great, pregnancy agrees with her. All of the family look to be happy and joyous, smiling under the light of John David.

I just spent a few hours with the Grandies while my Son and husband worked through some financial stuff that needed to get done. My heart is singing. Now getting ready to go out with my Sister for a bit. Just some quiet sister time. I know that that is what my Son misses, that time with his sibling.

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written back in July on the Angel date:

In sun and shadow

just like us-

a foot in both worlds

wind keeping the pinwheels spinning

our new pink-daisy-shaped one at home here now,

next to her pink stone-

Small flags and pennantswave acrss the many acres-

symbols to leave for loved ones-

marking a space of many tears-

Settling in for the time -

a mom with her Girl.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....love that poem.....and I do have a very special and sacred part of my heart just for those Mamas that has lost that 'only daughter'....so good to hear that your heart is singing....'If you think my arms are full...you should see my heart'....I have come to wisdom...I find that I have circled around and I am back to where I started.  I find that I am in such peace when I am creating. That was a part of me when I was young..and when I found myself with just one chick left in the nest...my creativity blossomed again...and really soared. When I lost John David I could not even draw a stick man...I did create wreaths the second year..and now I know I have to set aside time to create to find that zone of contentment and accomplishment. Randa is better and she has been a good girl in caring for herself,  they have to travel to Lufkin to attend a wedding New Years Eve. We shared stories and laughter of John David. Tay is doing great...she has the same kind of body I have...tiny but strong..not one day of sickness...and she is a bubble of radiance. She had/has a special relationship with her Uncle John David and she told me she knows he is near her. Some days we take it one day at a time....other times...we take those happy moments...one moment at a time and hold them as fragile gems.

 

Bob...." im not really trying to be funny or controversial this evening . im trying to point out that im fighting to maintain my own mental health right now and for me ; humor is an important  tool in my meager self help tool box" .  Use what you find to be your best help....and we all understand what you are saying....all of us know how it is to try and claw your way in learning to 'find your new normal'....when your world and life became 'abnormal'...your world as you knew it changed in a minute...do 'self care'....this kind of grief can cause physical and mental health issues. No one can care for you better than yourself...and you do have a great sense of what tools are in your toolbox. I have been trying to remember some comedian was diagnosed with some illness and he went and got all these funny movies..and used humor and laughter to bring himself back to health...and that old saying..'Laughter is the best Medicine' has lots of truth in it.

this is what grief felt like the first two years...

 

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Susan, I love those photos and drawings of Debbie Reynolds and her Daughter, Carrie.They are together now, and I am glad of that. Debbie's long life juxtaposed next to her Daughter's. May they fly freely together in joy.

 

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My therapist this week said I have had the fastest response to neurotherapy of any patient she has ever seen. Kudos to neurotherapy but I believe after having been a nonbeliever in a personal afterlife the believable messages I received from the angel lady gave me a hope I have been without for 5 years. I don't believe I would have gotten this much better with just therapy and drugs alone. Until I got those messages I was having continual metaphysical discussion with my therapist. That has come to an end.I'm no longer searching through science books hunting for my son. I had just enough of an experience to give me hope. I can live with the mystery as long as I have hope of seeing my son again. I had no hope, none. my son was gone from me for all time. I now have this feeling that that quite possibly is very wrong.I can live again. A lot of my ptsd symptoms are fading. I still shake and run if I get near the abyss but the fact it is over there is not looming over my entire life. This is the first Christmas I have not been pretending the whole time. I still need to work out some details but I told my therapist an outrageous story about forest and laughed so hard in the telling for a moment I was back with him laughing and running from the "crime" scene. It was a moment of pure joy that viktor frankl talked about in his book. Man's search for life's meaning. A moment of remembering so joyful that the chance of having another memory like it makes life worth living. I was truly transported in the telling to being there running and laughing breathlessly.

Anyway to anyone new if I can push through the veil of overwhelming grief if even for a moment (though now I feel like a real person again-not perfect but pretty functional) then take heart that you may too one day get a glimmer of hope and hopefully more. For going on 6 years I was completely lost and I now wake up without wanting to die. After so many years of dragging I am physically in ruins. It will take a concerted effort to keep my psyche in tact while I try to regain some strength. This morning my arthritis is so bad I am 2 hours late getting out of bed.

But anyway stay with me guys. You have helped me through the darkest of nights when I could only wail and literally roll on the floor. I am hoping those days are over. My best friend and mom is 87 and I know our day will come. I don't know what I will do then or even next week. All I know is today I'm doing better and much to all of your credit for keeping me alive through the worst.

Hang in there new people. It is horrible and there is no easy way but we are all here for you. To hear that voice no one else will and understand the pain behind every word.

Love to all

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Mermaid Tears

Gretchen....what hope you give. Thank you for sharing....for that will be a tiny light in the dark for many parents. I do believe that neurotherapy can be a great part in a person's healing. Too many are so over medicated that they live a zombie kind of existence...many people think they should never 'hurt'....or be 'down'....which is simply a normal kind of life. There will be bad days and good days. Many do need help with meds...but it depends on your Dr. if he can find that right balance. I am thankful that you shared the the messages from the angel lady...I am thankful for all the parents that share their experiences and give us a shot of hope. I had that amazing 'visitation dream' from John David...it was from him...no doubt...and when I have those 'real down grief episodes' I think of that and it pulls me up. Nothing is going to fix my missing my boy....nothing is going to wipe away our Mother's heart wanting our child back on this earth home...nothing is going to clear the 'yearning and longing'...that is just a part of the fabric of my life now. I think your boy guided you in hearing the message from the Angel Lady....he so wanted his Mama to have hope and he didn't want you to be locked into that dark despair...he so wanted his Mama to laugh and live life with the most grace and grit as you can muster.

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Susan I don't know if I ever told the other angel lady story. If not and you all are interested in it let me know. To me one of the most miraculous parts was the woman said "I am getting Evans - like Evans furniture" (a local furniture store and my last name) "and forest gump." That was enough to count me as in. Anyway she went on to address my question and Susan's (we went together again) even though they were written on separate papers

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Mermaid Tears

Of course we want to hear....when our child left us....they left a parent that was living life....I was in full charge...and enjoying everything that my world could offer. And then....life as we knew it stopped in a moment. We were thrown into deep and heavy grief...

am thinking that Forest knew you the way you were...and he wanted you to be that 'strong Mama' again...I know my John David would want me to carry on...would want me to be the same Mama I had always been.

Our child would not have left us unless they had to.

I do believe with all my heart your son found a way to give a message and make a connection for you...to re-charge your life.

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Well the most reassuring part for me was to have Evans and forest be called (2nd at that!) but my question was how do I feel the same connection without the grief. Well she said he said to just say his name and he would get it just like a text. That I could hold something of his but it wasn't necessary (you may remember the huge fight i had at the hospital when they tried to take my necklace)that it just takes the thought the love and he would get it like a text. That he was touching me that he was nudging me but that I was being a little difficult saying no I didn't feel that, no I didn't feel that. That I needed to tune into subtle energies that he said I love you, we will be together again I'm not gone I'm not gone.  Then a pause then she answered Susan's question about whether he was alone. She said he was with friends the she said he had lots of people around him it wasn't like he didn't know anyone. Then she mentions he's a young man and she seemed surprised and said he has friends lots of people are with him.  That is all but once again I felt totally uplifted by it.

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Good evening to all.   I thought of each of you on Christmas Day knowing the holidays are bittersweet as we go through them with family and friends while at the same time dealing with the hole in our hearts and our missing loved ones.    It was a tough year for each of us this year down to Maddie and Becca.   They miss their  mama so very much and the past couple of weeks have been extra hard.   It is coming out in some behavior issues along with the normal sibling rivalry .     It is hard to watch them hurt, but I am thankful they can verbalize when they are in pain and missing her.    They are staying with us for a few days.   I got the idea today to try something that i pray will be of help to them.  We went to the bookstore and bought bound journals for each of us.   I proposed that we title our journals "Letters to Mommy" and anytime they are hurting, or angry, or sad, or when they are happy that we write a letter to mama and tell her about it.    We also bought special pens.  They both seemed to like the idea and wrote a bit this afternoon.    Tonight I checked on them to see if they were sleeping and Becca (eight year old) was wide awake and crying because she misses mama so much.   She was 3 when she died but the bond is as strong as the day she died.    I asked her if she wanted to write mommy a letter, which she did.    She sat beside me and wrote an entire page letter to her.   She then wanted me to read it and as I read that letter written in second grade handwriting and spelling I was amazed at the insight and pain that came out in those words of this precious child.   When she was done she stated that she knew mommy read it and she went to bed and fell asleep right away.   Little girls should NOT have to go through this!!!!!    At times it make me so angry!!!  But.... we can only continue to be there for them and love them as they travel this journey.    One day maybe we will understand.    I know this is a downer of a post and I am sorry, but I had to vent, where I know it is safe and where I know there are friends who understand and care.   Thank you.

I have enjoyed all of the pictures.  I have no idea how to put pictures on here but really enjoy seeing  your families.   The music and poetry and ect also have touched my heart.

Bob, I am so sorry about your loss.  I am a Hoosier also.  My husband is from Southern Indiana and I have heard of Bean Blossom from him many times.   

Have a restful evening.

Sandy

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Sandy it is sad to hear about the girls hurting so. I'm sure it is breaking your heart again and again. You are a very strong and resourceful woman to bear witness to it and be able to come up with a journal for all of you. It was nice to read that your idea was so successful and gave your sweet little girl so much comfort that she was able to nestle down in bed knowing mama was right there.

Forest's best friend died in August. Leaving behind  2 year old and  8 mo. old daughters . I may pass your idea on to their mama. Though they are so little I know elly  won't remember him at all but maybe it would be a way for her to have a connection with her wonderful daddy and give Lucy a way to talk with him now as she is really missing her "daddy-o". She sobs for him and has fits of rage. It is hard to know what to do. I think your idea might  be helpful as it would give her something tangible have her conversations in. 

I hope the girls feelings are soothed as that will soothe yours too I'm sure. Hang in there, you are doing a good job of extending your daughter's arms around her girls.

 

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I had a studio built and I am working on getting it fixed up. Last night I thought of an idea. I have some of forest's t shirts and I am going to run a curtain rod through the sleeves and viola shabby chic my baby all around me curtains. Still in the moving in stage but look it has a sleeping loft!

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Mermaid Tears

Sandy....buying the journals was a very wise decision...the girls will learn to articulate their feelings by writing to their Mama. There is a definite connection between the brain-hand....I learned from my Daddy to 'write things down'...they are committed to memory better....and also a way to get the thoughts 'out of your head'. It will always serve them well...and serve you for you will be able to empathize with them on issues that are most important to them. It will give you a better path to address issues that they may not be able to talk about. I agree....this is not what we want for any child. This is not your or our choice. You have been there for them and you will continue to be that 'rock' they can come to and cling to.

 

Gretchen....I love your studio...and the idea to use the T-shirts as curtains...that way you can honor your sons and yours...sense of humor and honor. I am going to make a small baby blanket for the new baby out of some of John David's clothing...I know Tay will love it. We find ways to keep our child in the fabric of our lives...not in a morbid way....but a loving way. What will you use your studio for ? I remember it was years ago....and you had come in from work...and the little metal things that fell from your boots looked like little metal stars. Who knows what you will create with your new found energy !!

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Love the studio Gretchen and I adore the creative idea of using Forest's t-shirts for curtains. He is all around and his belongings, those tangibles will be there too. Love the Angel lady stories, she hit it on the head didn't she? Forest was screaming, " tell her I am here!"

Sandy, those Girls of yours are lucky to have you helping them not only preserve their feelings and memories of Momma, but helping them express the difficulty they have and how there is no shame in struggle. There is no shame in struggle. Sometimes we have to remind others that. Writing has always been the way that allows me to release some of what i carry, throughout my life. I love that you each have new pens and new journals to entice those thoughts and feelings into the books. I found a lovely thing that perhaps you may want to get for the girls to read when they are much older, it is a booklet of envelopes and paper, for adults in the lives of children to write letters to throughout their years. I bought one for my Son and Daughter-in-law to have for their Kids.

I took my Grandgirl to the ice rink today, the one where my Kids learned to skate. My Kids were kind of naturals on the ice, Erica especially, she took off at 2.5 and never looked back, in fact she said, " don't hold my hand," and began to skate like the wind. My Grand Girl is not like this but oh what fun she and I had at the parent/tot skate this morning. These days they have little walkers so that kids can hold onto these handles and push along. Erica became tired after about 25 minutes and wanted back into her shoes which was fine. I feel so lucky to have gone with her for her first time on ice. She wore the skating skirt that I saved from my Daughter's things:.Blue an white, double tiered. In fact I do believe it was mentioned in my poem about tangible things. Anyhow, it made my heart soar to see her in it, to remember my girl in it. Gifts from heaven.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....what a priceless day and moment for you....seeing her in Eri's skating outfit....I do remember you mentioning it in a poem.

 

Bob....you are not the first...nor will you be the last...parent whose adult children have decided to isolate themselves from the parent/family. I have friends that have  this situation...and for the life of me....I cannot see any rhyme or reason. You have made the right decision in how to handle it....which is...do not go down on begging knees to him/them. Now...I do know how abusive some parents were and their adult children have every reason to cut them from the family circle. For now....you have your hands and heart full of learning how to cope with your grief and learning your new normal.

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I agree with Susan Bob, I just listened to TED talk about how to be happy...it was on in the car on the radio. The parts I heard interviewed all sorts of people whose ideas about happiness were very interesting. Pharrell's Happy song was on in the background, and Pharrell said what I have long believed, that to be happy one must appreciate what he/she has in her life...Anothberh person interviewed talked about being present in what they do and what they have developed in their lives, even if what they have involves trauma and pain, because with each moment, we are given opportunity to learn, and as this person said, sometimes what we learn is extrememly hard but we find that when we learn through trauma and loss or sadness, we are creating strength in our abilities, and we are learning to help spread that kind of strength to those who may be in need as well. As the man stated, we all know folks who have so much who are basically unhappy or bitter folks and we all know the opposite, folks that have little or have been through a great deal of pain, but seem to radiate their happiness, that these folks have a deep sense of happiness inside. This is something we can develop and nurture in our daily lives.
I know that growing up with a bad-father, (pedophile) and living a hard kind of childhood, I managed to find happiness in my days, I always felt that there was some grand helper with me, an angel, helping me live and looking forward. I lived through some tough times, as most of us find by this time in our lives, (60 now), the loss of my Daughter of course the most traumatic and saddest thing, but somehow that sense of purpose was present...that somehow I needed to learn how to live in her light, to spread it, to share it, to grow it. And so this is where I stand...life was never supposed to be easy, and many have way more crosses to bear than others, but I ask each day that I do good things in this world, that I remain as strong as I can be, and I give thanks each day for the simple pleasures of taking walks, eating healthy foods, and sharing my love with family and friends. I know that Erica shines on through us.

Tonight I will do as I have since she left this Earth, write my hopes and dreams on paper and burn them out in the yard at midnight: release them to the universe. We'll see if I make it to midnight though, I am kind of tired, might nap. (luxury) I went to breakfast with two of my former students who are now seniors and figuring out the whole future of colleges. They asked me to meet them, which I take great delight in/ that we stay connected over the years. We get together a few times a year like this, makes my heart so happy.

I wish everyone, new to grief or not, to feel their Angels nearby; that you feel their love surge through you and help direct your actions as we end one year and begin another.

Sweetpea and Bob, it is hard for many to end the year that we last saw our Child living in, so take hold of our hands, we are holding them as you find your steps.

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Hello  to  all  INDIGOS.

Dee-----Lovely story of taking your little granddaughter for her first ice skating adventure.

Such a nice touch to include her wearing the blue & white skating skirt that ERi always wore.

 I do remember the blue skating skirt in your poem about tangibles. So nice.

You have turned a bad childhood experience into one where you have given back so much

positive influence in life....for your family, friends, and students.(Your connection with former

students shows how they love & respect you.)   Many people who had your same

unhappy experience may have turned to crime and other unhealthy outlets.  You are to be

commended for your efforts to rise above the bad situation, and make your life better.  

Snow here (light so far, but more may come).......quiet New Years Eve night for us....staying at home. :)

 

Gretchen------Nice studio,.....and love the way you have all of Forest's  things around to keep

his lovely spirit very close to you.  I do the same with my haven in the basement family room where

I paint, and have photos and many of David's things to keep his spirit close.  Peace to you.

 

Bob-----You have a good outlook on your family situation.  As others here have said.....sometimes

family members, ( and friends) decide to put some 'distance' between themselves and parents who grieve......or they just

seem to 'drift away' .   When this happens it is hurtful, to be sure,.....but you have made your way

and understanding to another place.  This could not come easy for you....especially at this early

point on your grief journey.  Wishing you peace now, and in the new year ahead.

 

Stevesmom-----That writing is so very true.  We , so, agonize about the chain of events....the

domino effect that was set in motion to end up in tragedy and sorrow for us.  Thanks for  posting

it.   

PEACE   TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

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InHeavensKeeping

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Georgina, what a gorgeous poem, and yes, it is a different kind of NEW YEAR when we have lost a Beloved One. He is there though, James is. Sitting upon your shoulder wishing you a better year going forward rooting for you in all your steps. Lord knows it is not what we ever wanted, but it is what we have now and so I ask our Angels to help us do good in this world, to shine their bright lights to show us the way.

Sherry, snow? We have no snow, it is all gone but maybe next week, the temps have been warmer than normal and I dislike that...I wish winter would just be winter for 3 months like it used to be. I am whining. We will have that sae quiet New Years Eve as you and Denny, quiet and that is just what I like.

Bob, benchmarks like New Years and Birthdays and season changes are often triggers for our feeling lonely or extra lost especially in those first years following a loss.

Maryanne, your post about a moment that changed it all is absolutely right on! It was a long time before I could let go of the what if I kept Erica on the phone for one more minute...would she have missed being hit by the train?  Just a moment.

Dianne, we are born into our lives and we do what we can to live and learn and grow, and while there were many barriers to growing up...my sisters and I found our way as best we could. I remember feeling such hope when my friends had homes that were stable and good, safe. That let me know that I might one day have that too.

Write your thoughts and hears here, all of us are here for each other, no better support in the world.

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tobyfreefoot

I shouted out to forest and the stars tonight but got no answer. I'm expecting a new year he can answer me in.

Those that are new i know how hard it is to move to a year that won't have your child in it. But this year has taken so many people including yours it makes me want to run and hope the new year is better. I do know how it feels to know no year can be better because your child is missing from it. I've been here long enough to hope next year is better than last. I can do that because my child was gone last year too. I really hate that my child I love so dearly who loved me so completely is gone.

But as I wrote that I remembered the message I received from the angel lady-that forest said-I'm not gone, I'm not gone. That is what gives me hope for the new year. I realize in those early months or years hope is hard to come by (especially if you have been an atheist most of your life like me) but I hope it gives you hope that after 5 and a half years I finally have some. This means you might too. I was a particularly difficult case due to my beliefs but hope found its way through so I think it will for you too and once again you will be able to breathe without so much effort and someday you can stretch your arms toward the sky and feel good for at least one moment. My wish for you then is that the moment lengthens into a life you want to live again.

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Thank you.Gretchen for your encouragement. I have hope. It is all I have besides pictures and memories. I struggled with hope in the beginning though, right after my daughter died. If you don't mind, I would like share the reason for my hope. I am a believer. I am not religious, but I have a faith. Without that faith, I don't know where I would be. I believe that because Christ died and was resurrected, my daughter's spirit is with Him in heaven. Absent from the body, present with the Lord....Because of the resurrection, I believe that He will come back again, and my daughter (and I, and my other loved ones) will get a new eternal body, that never gets sick. No weeping, hurt, or pain, no suffering. I believe I will see her again. This gives me a great joy. Not a happiness, but a deep joy in the bottom of my soul.... That I know where she is. I know God loves her. He loves all His creation. In the beginning after her death though, I doubted, as I also believe in spiritual warfare. But I know better. Because of the resurrection, I can have hope. Most of the time I don't want to hear about God things, because I am sad and angry that she is not here with me. I have to remind myself that God knows the future. He knows the number of our days. He didn't cause this to happen. He loves all His creation. I will see her again. That is the reason of my hope,

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