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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Hi Everyone,

Sherry, I am sorry taht your computer connection is being interrupted by mice. I can almost see them hiding out underneath the house, thinking what a cool nest they've made complete with internet. Little devils.

Last night I had a dream and in it was my Girl, somewhere in her teens. She asked if I would take her for some new clothes and boots and I said yes. I was so happy to go shopping with her. She loved a specific pair of boots in my dream and I woke feeling happy to have spent time with her. The candle will be lit tonight. Erica  would love this day, it has been snowing since last evening pretty much. We babysat for a bit and I took the kids on the sled into the forest. I am sure that my muscles will be aching tomorrow, but it sure was nice to be out with them today. It was great fun.  I will soon take my long walk. The quiet is such a call to me.

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InHeavensKeeping

Dee Thankyou so much for your kind words and support.  You and others here have helped me so much at times when I have been at Rock bottom Thank you xx

i really love the poem the song all the photos and words have kept me going I've been struggling feeling that I'm finding this time leading up to Christmas so unbearable. 

I lit a cradle for my beautiful James tonight at 7pm it felt like a moment of togetherness as though I was surrounded by love and understanding  all the families started posting their child on social media there must of been over 50 in a few seconds it was very comforting and a feeling of not being alone. 

Thinking of you all tonight Hugs xx

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Hello to All  INDIGOS.    

Susan-----Thanks for posting all the lovely poems, and thank you for the CANDLE LIGHTING

reminder. :)

Dee--------Can you believe this?.........I had been slaving over the computer to

install my new internet security program, since the present one was set to expire

very soon.......So....I kept working and working  and said a little prayer to Davey as

I looked up on the wall to his picture......that maybe he could help me.  Finally, after

a lot of navigating, clicks, etc.   I got the new program installed.....so relieved, as I had already

uninstalled the old program before installing the new one, as instructed.  Then, I

came to BI,  and saw Susan's reminder of the CANDLE LIGHTING  at 7 p.m.  I looked up

at the clock, and it was exactly 7 p.m.   I ran and got a candle and lit it.  So glad to

light my candle in memory of ALL OUR ANGELS in HEAVEN.

 

WISHING  PEACE   AND  COMFORT  TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

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Sherry, sounds like your Angels were sitting with you as you worked to stay connected... and then were able to find the message about the candles at the very moment that lights were being lit in the mid-west. Thank you Davey and Lisa, for helping your Momma stay connected with all of us.

 

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Ericasmom I think it is healthy to try and do something positive for others in our child's memory for you the outreach for me the homeless shelter. i hope other grieving families may see donating to a charity as a positive step forward at Xmas time no matter what the charity is or how much you can afford it all helps. Inheavenskeeping and mermaid tears. There is something so peaceful and soothing about a candleflame isn't there? Weird I don't believe in a god anymore but several times i have been visiting a local place of interest and there has been a church where i have lit a candle for Tommy. Hedging my bets maybe but I always feel a little better after. maybe because its a physical sign and will light the darkness to wherever my son now is.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....how wonderful to have your girl walk into your dream....and here at Christmas time...when a Mother and Daughter can shop together. You got that special shopping trip. I so remember shopping in downtown Houston with my Mom, Grama and Aunts. This year...I am grateful I can shop a lot online....going to the stores and hearing Christmas music is still 'iffy'....'If' my emotions aren't strong enough to listen...'If' my emotions are under control...I try to wrap my Superman cape..(invisible) around me...and keep my purpose focused.

Sherry....I have had some malfunctions on my computer....am thankful I have my computer genius husband that can get it up and going....without him I would have to call on my SIL or son...that lives out of town....I am techno crippled. So happy that my reminder helped you to light that candle for your sweet children. In all truth...we light candles everyday...we don't need a specific day or time...but it is special that we come together and honor each other and our child/children.

Laurie....I got a super new phone from my son...it will be turned on I think today or tomorrow....will take photos of the new layout with your Sea Angel and my mermaids. How is your new schedule/work going ? I hope you will be able to sustain and keep yourself healthy. Let us hear from you.

A friend of mine told me about a new channel called GAIA....I have been watching some of the documentaries....one was 'A Journey Into the Afterlife' and another one about orbs....many on this site has posted about seeing orbs in photographs..videos...very fascinating.

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Mermaid Tears

Many parents post about family and friends who are uncomfortable with their grief....why many parents hide their grief ...

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Thank you, Laurie, Susan, and Dianne... for your kind thoughts and words. I woke up this morning feeling my heart filled with love and at peace. I know that my son is now in a place where he will no longer feel the suffering of this life. He is surrounded by all that is good. I also had a lovely dream in which my good friend that died last March came to visit me. It was the first time I have dreamt of her since her death so suddenly of cancer. Whatever it was that happened in that dream filled my heart today with a very real sense of true peace. 

Thank you Dee for you poems and song. Sherry, I am pleased that your computer is now back up and running properly! Tommy's Mom...one day at a time. In time it will slowly soften. Let your heart guide you.

It is cold as blazes here today. We are in a deep freeze for sure. They are calling for at least another full week of this cold. It is warm as toast inside. Our tree is up, Dicken's Village on the mantelpiece, everything once again as it was. The way he loved it. It took me seven full years to reach this point... we are back on track...but in a different way. A new way. I feel him with me always. That gives me huge comfort.

Wishing you all a peaceful day. Love, Kate

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Mermaid Tears

Lora.....I opened my first Christmas present....thank you with a heart of gratitude for our Angel tree. You knocked that one out of the ballpark ! Stay warm and careful this winter.

Kate....am feeling a 'happy' for you....

It is cold as blazes here today. We are in a deep freeze for sure. They are calling for at least another full week of this cold. It is warm as toast inside. Our tree is up, Dicken's Village on the mantelpiece, everything once again as it was. The way he loved it. It took me seven full years to reach this point... we are back on track...but in a different way. A new way. I feel him with me always. That gives me huge comfort.

yes...seven long years of simply surviving each day....and now...you are thriving. Our children do want us to use each day as a gift...the gift we receive is that we have a deep and sacred empathy...and know that the small things are really the big things.

Dianne....oh thanks for sharing. I do believe our children see us suffer so much during the holidays that they do 'touch' us. We need every big or tiny sign. When we share our 'signs' it gives such a great measure of hope to all of us...I am so happy your boy could come through for you and your husband.

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Lora, thank you for the beautiful picture of all of our kids. What a wonderful idea for a tree.

Dianne...it definitely sounds as if that boy of yours was giving you a definite sign that he is still around. I am so happy for you!

This is a particularly difficult time for anyone that has lost someone special in their lives. It takes ages to be able to find a comfortable place within yourself where you can once again begin to enjoy those special occasions. We all go about it in our own way.  

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InHeavensKeeping

Kate thinking of you especially today. Jeff show you mum and Dad a sign today let them know your near as well as dear xx

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InHeavensKeeping

I thought I'd share this with you all . Thinking of everyone and our angels too. Will post tomorrow or tired lately God Bless xxxx

 

“To me, it’s about — whether it’s a loved one or a situation or a friend or a relationship that’s finished, or someone’s passed away — I was thinking about, after you’ve been through the sadness of something, you also get this everglow,” he further explained to Lowe. “And that’s what it’s about.”

 

 

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Dianne----wonderful sign from your dear Michael.  These things that

happen are so spiritual and close to our hearts;  and they are surely signs to give

us comfort......sent down from heaven by our angels.  So glad that

you received this sign. Great pic of Michael and his dog.

 

Georgina------thanks for the saying....yes....our angels are where we are.  Also,

thanks for that nice song.

Kate-----Good to see your post.  Yes.....I agree....it does take a lot of

inner strength....sometimes we have to look hard to find it, but we must be

stronger than we think we are to keep going.

 

Dee-----So nice that you had that wonderful dream of ERi and shopping.

that must have been one of the things that you enjoyed doing together.

I have not had a dream of Dave or Lisa for a long time, but I keep hoping.....

and I know that they often come when we least expect it.

 

Lora----Oh......thank you so much for the lovely Christmas tree which you

graced with our dear angels' pictures.  You are so talented , and it surely warms our hearts. 

 

Susan----Your screen shots are always so inspiring.....thanks.

 

Wishing  all  INDIGOS  peace   and   tranquility.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

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Cara 's mom thank you so much for the beautiful tree with all our angels 

 

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Thanks Georgina for posting Coldplay. Next to U2 they were his favourite band. My son taught me that a Mom's love is the purest form of love. If it is a glimpse of the love they are experiencing then can you only just imagine their happiness. I am bursting with pride when I think of him. Yes, I am sad that he is not with me physically... but his spirit was way too lively to ever die.

 

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Lora, what a gorgeous tree you have decorated for all of us here. Thanks so much for this gift. They will never be forgotten our Young-Ones.

And thank you Georgina for the music, I do so love Cold Play. I love the song that reminds me of our Babies...You're a sky, you're a sky full of stars...

Holy Cow Dianne, that surely had to be Michael, letting you and his Dad know that indeed he was giving you a sign. He is near, he does listen to your hearts,and he wants you to believe in the quiet small moments that allow you to know he is present. So lovely.

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Jeff Sweet Man...you have been gone a long long while now, but any day without our Child here is one day too long. I know that you have worked to let Mom and Dad know that you are in a beautiful space of time, and I do believe that your Mom and Pop can feel that now. They worked hard too Jeff, to find ways to walk into each day carrying your love and light. I know  you are so proud of them.

Kate, I feel so proud of you as you cross another threshold of time. You have worked hard Kate and along this hard way, you have found precious pieces of your new life, gathered into the same hand as your once life. Blended more now; a mix of what was and what remains. Peace my Friend.

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Mermaid Tears

I so miss my boy....

I have news to share.....my GRANDdaughter...Taylor..(she and Hunter Bear are twins)....is pregnant and the baby boy is due around February 5th. We have known this for some time....her young man comes from a very good family...all Italian...very close and loving. He is older...(which I think is good)..has a great job..(with his family)...she is 'young'...but she is super smart...intelligent. In fact...she has one of those physicist kind of math/science minds...(my Dad and husband graduated from A&M with a degree in Physics...I tell her she did not inherit that DNA from me)....after we absorbed the news...we are in a state of grateful...and welcome the 'miracle'...she and her young man have a great apartment on a marina in Kemah...which is right next to League City where my son lives. Her friends gave her a baby shower the first week-end in December and it was so nice. She has so many loving and caring friends. She was shattered when John David died. She is the one that had a tattoo put in her arm with a part of a letter John David wrote...she wears my Mother's charm of John David's around her neck. I have been pondering this news...how life has so many twists and turns...the surprise around the corner...life is stranger than fiction. I ponder the timing. I ponder reincarnation. I now have to figure out a way to be close to her. I hope she will come and be here with me and her Mom and let us care for her in the first month. I don't know if she will. I don't think the Daddy would like that. It will all work out. So....here at 70 years...I will become a Great-Nonnie. John David was there when she and Hunter Bear were born...he won't be far away from his girl when that baby boy comes to this earth home.

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Mermaid Tears

this says it pretty well....when people tell you to find 'closure'...(there is no such thing)...or tell you it is time to 'move on'....(there is no such thing)....you don't get over it...you get through it...

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Susan, I am thrilled for you. A new one to love and to bestow kindness and history and spiritual connection to...Your Girl is young, but she is planning for a new life, she will be fine. She has made a decision that she will need everyone to accept and celebrate. I hope too, that she will be able to be with you that first few weeks. Perhaps you can go to her and stay nearby. How far is her home from yours? Not being familiar with Texas I simply have no idea. Great-Nonnie. Love it. My sis is also a Great Grandmom of one. Blink and time forces us to take in all of the changes.

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InHeavensKeeping

Susan such great news.  I think Taylor's  tattoo is beautiful i had James's initials on my wrist and that hurt I can't imagine how your grand daughters felt.  Gemma's birthday is on the 5th too  I think I told you all that she is also pregnant again due in April xxx 

Kate I hadn't heard this song and the words just truly touched me. I just love what you said about Jeff " too lively to die " james was too so full of life lived every moment with passion and joy. I miss him. I just wish I could be in the place that you and others are on here. 

Dee I wanted to say I loved your winter song and poem . I just can't keep up anymore. I don't know what's happening to me your poem's are just beautiful you really should get them printed you have such a way with words. Xx 

Lora Thankyou for the Angel tree such a lovely thing to do for us all  xx

 

Diana I missed your  'miracle' I'm so happy that it happened for you I know our angels are sending us signs xx

Thank you Sherry such a beautiful song xx 

God Bless xxxxx

 

 

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Georgia, time is how we are in this space...we were in that same space as you, we get it, we remember what it is to feel so lost and fragile. You will not always feel this way, you will find ways to integrate Jame's death into your life, so that the nest you build in your heart holds the pain right next to the joys. It is in our hearts after all that we hold all the good and all the loss. We actually make our hearts bigger when we repair the shattered parts, in order to hold all that we mourn and all that we celebrate.

I am so touched that you like my poetry. Thank you Georgia.

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A song that I adore, it came on tonight as I was checking my mail...it is one I have posted before but several of you are younger on your journey...

Long Road
And I wished for so long cannot stay.
All the precious moments cannot stay.
It's not like wings have fallen cannot stay.
But still something's missing cannot say.
Holding hands of daughters and sons,
And their faiths are falling down.
I have wished for so long
How I wish for you today.
Will I walk the long road? Cannot stay
There's no need to say goodbye
All the friends and family.
All the memories going round.
I have wished for so long.
How I wish for you today.
And the wind keeps rollin',
And theFull lyrics on Google Play Music
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Thank you Dee for your kind words. When I look back to those first couple of years I honestly do not know how I managed. I do know that being able to open up honestly about what I felt was a life saver for me. Sharing my ups and downs with those that understood on this site.

Georgia, we all agree with Dee. Your pain will soften round the edges in time. Be patient with yourself and let your heart guide you.

Susan, that is wonderful news about the new baby on the way. The pictures are terrific and she looks as if she is thriving.

We were not able to get into the site yesterday due to the snow that had accumulated from the blizzard. No doubt they will be out soon to groom the trails for skiing. The cold is supposedly going to ease up by next week. Just in time for Christmas. While I can now listen to some Carols I find there are  few that just are too hard to take.

Thinking of everyone and wishing you all a peaceful evening. Off to watch the finale of The Voice.  Kate

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Kate, I have to go to sleep so I cannot watch the rest of the finale of the VOICE. I am angry at the shows producers for putting it on so late tonight. This old teacher has to go to bed.

Sleep well All-

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Mermaid Tears

About Sundance Head...his dad..Roy Head had a band called the Traits in the 60's....also...another band in our area was B.J. Thomas and the Triumphs...I went to all the dances I could...the song he and Blake Shelton sang..'Treat Her Right' was a song Roy sang in the 60's...that was him dancing on the back screen. The drummer in the Traits band was Jerry Gibson...he played the drums for me when I would do this Polynesian/Hawaiian dance in different stage productions. Many of my friends have known Sundance since he was a child. I never met him.

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Mermaid Tears

Today is our new little man's 4th Birthday....what a joy he has given to me while I have traveled this grief journey...

And...Happy Heavenly Anniversary to my parents....this photo was taken in 1950....still one of my very favorites..at Matagorda...that was the year they built our beach cabin...

We have so many matching dates in our family....no longer do I think it is coincidence...

 

Kate....you have earned your peace....Dee has said...'we are so brave to live one day longer than when our child died'...and yes...we are so brave. You have clawed your way...we all have and do....to find that soft place to fall. Many on this site know your story...it was a very rough travel for you. I celebrate where you find yourself now. 

Thanking each of you for your kind words of support and celebration for our new miracle...

I listened to that song awhile back...Dee....thank you for posting it...

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HAPPY  4TH  BIRTHDAY  TO   THE  LITTLE  MAN. 

Susan-----Such dear sweet pics of that little guy, and of your parents

at the beach on their anniversary.......lovely photo......easy to see

that it would be your favorite pic.

PEACE  TO  ALL.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry 

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Mermaid Tears

Thank you, Sherry....so many memories I have of my Mom and Dad celebrating their anniversary...she loved to give parties and entertain....we use to say if one person came to our house...it was company...if two came it was time for coffee...if three came it was time for a party. Once again....there was that 'day' on my calendar which would put me in a memory spiral and make me so sad to think of them gone away from me....and now....I have a reason to celebrate !!

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JD's Mom, Becky

Well we finally got the tree up with all our many photos of Jared on it. This is the sixth Christmas without him here, and I've done this tree everyone of those years, because he was so young and still loved the holidays so much. His urn is in the front corner of our living room and the tree right next to it, so it feels like he can see all we are doing. The pain doesn't spill onto my cheeks quite as often as it did at first, but still there are triggers than can bring me right back to that awful ache and yearning to see and hold my son again. I do firmly believe that we'll see all our angels again, and we just have to hang on and move forward to honor them in whatever ways we can. We also went and did a clean up at the cemetery today. I will try to post pics of both.

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And finally, my new little granddaughter, born to my oldest son and his wife this week, on 12-12. Her name is Elizabeth, and they're calling her Libby.

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I have enjoyed all the photos, songs,and poetry shared here!Lora, a special thanks to you for the angel tree with all our angels!! That was so beautiful!  
Thinking of you, Kate, and your angel, Jeff.  Gretchen, I too believe ours boys are together, and I imagine them jamming and playing video games! 
Sherry, I haven't had many dreams of my angel, but it was wonderful the few I have had. I wish sweet dreams of both your angels very soon.
May God richly bless each of you with comfort and strength to keep moving forward.
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InHeavensKeeping

Becky the tree is beautiful I love the thought that JDis watching and part of what your doing xx. Your new grand daughter is such a picture God Bless her xx 

Dee thank you for your words of support whenever you say things the way you say them to me gives me a little ' hope' thank you. Just love the song xx 'all the precious moments cannot stay' just so true xx

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And Becky, while we ache in our losses, we know that God has richly blessed us in having had our Babies with us for the time we have. Love your tree and oh my goodness. What a beauty Libby is!
 Congratulations. Welcome Libby.

 

Susan, those photos are dear of Mom and Dad. How special to know that your Folks loved each other so. And Little Man just grows more handsome all the time.

Georgina-that song just resonates in my soul, I figured you too would feel it.

 

I am so glad that Sundance Head won the VOICE adn I am not a country music person at all, but I sure recognize talent and out of those left in the contest, he was the tops. I loved We, the young lady, amazing amazing talent, but she has some time to get there, Sundance has paid his dues. So cool that you know of him and his Daddy Susan.

 

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Becky--------Just love your tree decorated with pics of your beloved JD.  Also, the

pic of the sweet little grandbaby, Libby...so beautiful....bless her little heart.

 Yes....we will see our darlings again....every day that passes brings us closer to being with them.

 The grave marker for JD is so nice.   

Susan-----Both my parents are gone now......dad, over 20 years ago....mom only recently.  Your

parents must have had a good life together, through thick & thin.  Also,  I remember that song in the 60's....

good tune.

Dee------Really cold there in Chicago.....Cold here too, but maybe not as windy as  'the Windy City'. :o

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

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Boy Sherry, it is cold as can be. It was a high of 5 today with a wind chill of -20. We had school though, most of our students are within the neighborhood, though we have 4 or 5 buses, most kids can get to school with neighbors if they need. We are a big school, almost 700 kids, and our school is one of 8 elementary schools in our town. So the day was crazy, partly due to the full moon I am convinced, but also due to three days of not going out due to cold weather. So our school holiday staff party was this evening but I only stayed for about an hour. One glass of wine and small plate of food. I don't do the White Elephant Gift exchange anymore, and I needed quiet. Here I am in the quiet of my home, playing music on PANDORA, (the Byrds, James Taylor...)I am hoping to stay up for my favorite show, Project Runway. Even my husband watches it with me. I am one tired woman tonight. I wish you all a good night, good sleep.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Today I go for the first of a series of injections in my right eye. I developed DME after last year's cataract surgery, and can hardly see anything. The other eye has also developed a cataract, but can't do anything about that until the issue with my right eye is addressed. I am asking for your prayers.

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Prayers and hope for a full recovery for you Becky. May the injections clear the clouds and give you your sight again.

A bit warmer today, double idgits anyhow, which for me feels WONDERFUL! I am going to the memorial for Maya, the 18 year old senior from the local highschool tomorrow. She died two weeks into her 18th year, her Mom is also a 3rd grade teacher from our school district. God bless the family and prayers for them as they learn to find their footing on this bumpy and unpredictable path.

 

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Ricky's mom , Wendy

I just want everyone to know that you are thought of today and everyday.  May you be blessed with great memories of your angel's ! 

This is our first Christmas without Ricky.  I'm unsure how it will go.  It has already been a rough holiday season for us.  Been fighting with my brother over my mom and fighting with my daughter over coming home for Christmas and bringing my grandson.  

My daughter is being induced this Sunday.  I'm so excited but sad at the same time.  She won't allow me to be at the hospital for his birth. :(

If I had my wish I would hole up in my room/sanctuary the whole season,but not possible.  I've chosen to cook this yr for the first time (how stressful). My son, Jon will be in town on the 23rd and spending the not with me Christmas eve.  I'm excited for that.  I miss him allot since he lives in Florida.  

I'm very sorry for missing all the angel dates and birthdays.  I'm always thinking of all here, new and old.  It never gets any easier no matter what I'm told.  I know it's only been 8 mths yesterday since my Ricky became my angel, but it feels like a lifetime.  

I've been making memories that I know will help me once my mom goes, however it's still difficult to shallow knowing she won't be here much longer.  I started therapy yesterday so we'll see how that goes.  I'm still on the PTSD meds but they don't work.  I've been on hydrocodone for 10 yrs so my tolerance to meds is so high that they can't figure out what will help me.  I don't sleep much still and food is still my enemy.  

We are making a spot for Christmas for Ricky.  I'm sharing a pic of what we are making.  And some pics of the memories I've been making with mom.  

I'll be thinking of all the indigo families.  Much love and peace to all! 20161211_200010.jpg20161211_190837.jpgScreenshot_20161214-134625.png20161211_200616.jpgPicsArt_12-04-01.34.47.jpgPicsArt_12-04-01.36.27.jpg

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Ricky's mom , Wendy

Dianne,thank you.  Plz hold strong! I pray you get to see your daughter and grandbaby soon.  I too hate decorating for the holidays but I had to this yr with Maddox coming and me cooking this yr.  Wish me luck on the cooking. Haha! I'm already stressing that task.  I really like my sanctuary allot! My husband will be home this yr for Christmas and it's his favorite holiday so I put my mask on and participate.  I'll share a pic of the spot for Ricky once we get it made. 

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Wendy, you hang on now, it does seem a lifetime ago for good reason, it was a different life. And at the same time, a moment ago, and that dicotomy, that absolute abstraction is what has dogged me most since losing Eri...the way time blurred and still blurs after 13 years. Eri was just here, Eri was here in another life. I know that you have so much going on with your Mom ill, your Daughter pushing back, but in it all, there is love. The love of Ricky, the love of your Mom, your visiting Son, and even the Daughter that needs to limit your time with her....you can't change it, we know that because if we could, we sure would have changed so much, so one foot in front of the other now, going forward. Each day a new chance to feel Ricky nearby, a new day to find small glimmers of hope in all that gives you any kind of happiness...nothing in the world easy about this, but nothing in the world like the love you feel for your Kids. Your Boy. Peace.

Laurie, Sandy, Sherry, Dianne, Colleen, hang on, snowy tomorrow and then arctic blast returns. YIKES!

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