Loss of an Adult Child

[daveydow1]

THANKS  TO  ONE  AND  ALL,   FOR  THE BEAUTIFUL  AND HEARTFELT 

THANKSGIVING   MESSAGES.

 

Betsy-----I imagine that your tomatoes were better than ours.  This year

ours were "just ok".....nothing too special.  We've had better crops in the past.

One year we had a blight on the tomatoes, and so moved the tomatoes to another

location the following gardening season.  We always try for a good crop each year,....

sometimes with success....some years no so much.  Great crop of late season lettuce this yr.

I think that people really like buying crops fresh from the garden.....sold like the two men

with the foods right from their garden, and offered from the bed of their pickup truck. Freshness

really counts. 

 

Dee-----thanks for posting your poem of the empty chair at the table.......so appropriate at 

the Thanksgiving holiday, or any other time families gather around.  The spot of the empty

place at the table always reminds us of our darlings who left this world too soon.

 

Becky-----thank you for your writing.  It is so true and spot on.  Also,  your photo of your

dear JD is so beautiful.   So much love in your heart for him,  and it shows in all that you

write and post.   Peace to you.

Wishing everyone at BI  Peace  & Comfort, after the Thanksgiving holiday, which can be

sad and stressful,  I know. 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[mysonrich]

Okay I will try this again. I hope everyone had a peaceful Thanksgiving Day. I am a little road weary but I wanted to share something with you all.

Richie always loved the Pillsbury Grande biscuits. We had them for dinner and on special occasions and I remember him baking a batch for a snack. Growing boys. The Christmas after Richard's death I had dinner at Sarah's house and she had the Grande biscuits. I remember that she beat them up a little bit but I didn't say anything. If she wanted to beat up a biscuit that was okay with me. So on Thanksgiving Day when I walked into her new home I saw  Richards picture sitting next to her turntable. When she prepared dinner she took out the Grande Pillsbury biscuits. She didn't beat them up this year nor did she in the Years before except for that one time after his death on Christmas. So I know Richard is with us when we have Thanksgiving dinner. How could he not be when we're having Pillsbury Grande biscuits. Peace

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

Well,  yesterday was my 1st Thanksgiving without my son.   It was not the day I loved anymore. I had the worst headache Wednesday night and I knew it was because my heart was breaking into pieces again.  I got up early and went to the cemetery to lay beside him to talk.  We always use to spend time lying beside each other and talking life.  This is was our ritual from 6 years on!!!.  I carried him his very Thanksgiving food (chitterlings) and left a bite for him.   Tony always fried the turkey on Thanksgiving Day.  He would be so excited the whole week.  He would have gotten up yesterday and call me to say " Happy Thanksgiving Ma, I love you.  Are my chitterlings done" ? I would say boy do you know what time it is..lol   I love you too and yes they are ready.   He would be waking up the kids to say " get up, we got stuff to do and it's Thanksgiving.  You know I am not doing anything when the game comes on.  

Tony was always happy and love the holidays.  I was very young when I had him and we grew up together.  I taught him the value of family over everything; hard work and the love of GOD.  Always told him to enjoy life and he did!!!!!

Seems dimmer now without his light shining so bright. I wonder about this wife.  She tries very hard to strong all the time, but yesterday was difficult for her.  Sunday, November 27 with 8 months without Tony and his daughter's 14th birthday.  I just can not believe he is not here with us physically.  His children had smiles on thier face, but NO smile in their eyes yesterday.  We all just trying to be strong!  

[InHeavensKeeping]

I was thinking of you all on your Thanksgiving. I hope you all had a peaceful day and felt your Angels by your sides.  

James's Heavenly Birthday is tomorrow. We now have twenty of his friends and family coming to share some food and then we will release some balloons.  We are having mass said in his name on Sunday.  My husband and I are going to where he died to lay flowers in the morning. A hard day ahead. This time of year is so painful now. I have been in pieces every single day feeling every second without him hurting like I never thought possible. 

God Bless Thinking of you Diana as Micheals Angelversaray approaches. Xxxx

[Guest]

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[Sholl1955]

Hello all,

I thought of everyone the past 2 days.  The empty spot remains every year.  Some years harder than others.   I don't know if it is because we are heading to the 5th year since Sarah died, but this Thanksgiving  seemed so much harder than last year.    Don't get me wrong, I have so very much to be thankful for, and I am.  But oh, I miss her so much and can't seem to cover it up like I should.   Her birthday is next Thursday and that seems to be weighing very heavily too.   I know that I will be fine but for tonight........ it really hurts.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Cheryl, I don't know if you have posted before, and if you have, I apologize because I am just meeting you now. I know what this first holiday feels like without your Boy, Tony. We all do because we are just ahead of you on this journey. I am so sorry for the loss of your loving Son. Are those his Children in the second photo? The young man looks so like your Boy. There is nothing easy about this loss. You be kind to yourself the way Tony would want...shine his light wherever and whenever you can, it is what he left for you.

Sherry, good to see you and hope that you had a good Thanksgiving. Did Becky and the Boys come over?

Sandy, my goodness it is good to hear from you. Yes, Some years I cry more than others, it is as though we become raw at holiday times, or like we have never grown skin and nerves over the raw places in our lives after the loss. We get caught off guard to our emotions and the triggers that set them in motion. It's okay Sandy, you let it out, who said that you should be able to hide this kind of gigantic emotion? You release your tears and your heartache when you need to Sandy, it does you no good piling up inside your heart.

[TearsInHeaven]

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[TearsInHeaven]

 

 

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[TearsInHeaven]

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[Mermaid Tears]

I am hoping my computer will be on the right track now....

We all know the 'dread walking' that over takes us at the beginning of November...and we all wish we could pole vault over the holidays and land on our feet in January. But 'we have promises to keep and miles to go before we sleep'....we have our families that are our true blessings....and this time of year...we don't have enough pockets to put the grief in....we just need deeper pockets...for the grief grows and grows. I am in my 4th year of this grief journey and like many parents on this site and everywhere....this kind of grief has a way with me....and I cannot control how it will be either light or heavy....I am learning to accept the 'how' I am feeling...and learning how to cope with it's changing emotions. Some days are better...some days are good...some days are bad...some days are worse.

Thanksgiving plans and shopping and cooking kept me busy.....now....I actually thrive on being busy...I actually look forward to having many irons in the fire...it keeps me in motion...and having that 'one more thing on my list'....keeps me moving forward. If I am still for too long...little portals open up and then I am awash with memories and tears and I become paralyzed and then become like a heavy rock. I guess I am learning to guard those triggers. I do allow myself to have a real pity party and cry session ...tears seem to release the tension of grief for me.

Dianne....this has to be so hard for you and yours...and yes...you are right...you will always associate Thanksgiving with your boy's angel date. I think it would be abnormal if you didn't. I pray that as each day the sun rises and you are faced with the fact that your SONshine boy does not walk on this earth home...you will find some tiny message of Grace....you will feel some sign from your boy that he is near. We simply can't help but search for our child.

Cheryl- the year of firsts...will have you on an emotional roller coaster. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. We lost our John David in 2012. None of us on this site are professional therapists or counselors....we are simply parents that share with each other...for we have lost a child. Some on this site has lost 2 children. When I say child...it doesn't matter if they died in the womb...lived 2 hours...2 days....10 years...20....or 50 years...they are still your child. This kind of grief is very heavy and dark....we caution parents to self care...for this kind of grief can cause issues with physical and emotional health . We are here to hear you.

Lora....you are amazing....love that photo of Michael and all the others you so lovingly create.

[Mermaid Tears]

I found this photo.....and describes how this kind of grief is so heavy....

[Mermaid Tears]

Georgina....I think the Birthday plans for James are 'just enough'....if your husband is still dealing with health/emotional issues...and if your emotional state is on thin ice...and your anxiety is overwhelming that morning....maybe give yourself a 'pause'. A parent does not have to re-visit the place on this earth home where their child went to his heaven home. There is no check list to this kind of day. There are no awards for pouring salt in the wound. You have to give yourself and your husband some room to change your plans for that day that reeks of mourning. We send you a hug for all that you have done and are doing. You have covered all the bases. Please give yourself a pat on the back and lots of credit for leading yourself and family through this grief journey.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....thank you for sharing that poem again....it touched me in a huge way the first time I read it....in a way....we do 'sorta' stand and look in now...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Susan and Diane the poem and the words are beautiful really reached my heart today Xx  I cannot believe we've been without him for two years now. I don't know how I've made it through. I had lots of texts and messeges from his friends saying he's always in their thoughts and never a day goes by that he's not thought of. So that made me happy inside as you go along this road thinking no one cares anymore and it makes life so unbearable I'm afraid he'll be forgotten.  

I miss you so much James you were so kind and caring, touched so many lives, the light when you entered the room "a shining light to all". I shall always miss you and love you forever mum xxx 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

For James xxxx

 

 

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

James, Autumn Child, may you have a party in Heaven with our Babies, dance and listen to music and know that your birth is always a very special day here. Let your loving heart pour forth on your Mum and Dad today...let them feel your free spirit, your happy soul, your peaceful heart, so that they can understand that you are more than fine...so that they can know that you have no pain, no regrets, and help them James to know that what they have worked to do is stellar, but that they must take care of themselves too. Let them see today that your friends and family will never forget you James, just as you will never forget them. Your love will last forever James, you will always be carried forward into each day. You are always the Son of a million dreams.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora...what an amazing creation....Georgina should frame that one....

 

Georgina....sending lots of hugs....deep empathy for you and your husband and family....

[ericasmom]

Susan, hope that your computer behaves...I love LOVE the rock figure, it is so poignant...beautiful. We are grievers and we are bent from the weight of it, but we find ways to move forward carrying with us, the love and the loss. Time: still an abstract for me after 13.5 years. I am going out for a walk, it is cloudy and cool but not cold. The cold would eliminate the mold and allergies would ease but I do not get a say in the weather for heavens sake.

Sherry I am glad that the MISSING From the Table poem still touches your heart, we are always going to have that empty space aren't we?

 

Laurie, I am getting a might worried about you???Are you okay just busy, are you okay needing quiet...just need to know if you are okay?

 

[tobyfreefoot]

i'm sorry to just come in and talk about myself again withoutreading what anyone else is going through but i saw that angel woman again last night. the first of this doesn't show but we were amongst about 150 people and the second thing she said was i am getting evans like evans furniture (local company) i said i'm evans then she said and forest gump. i nearly shrieked and said that's me. i had asked on my paper how i can have that intense love connection with him without the grief--most of you also know i wear a locket with his picture with a lock of hair and had a huge battle in the hospital when they tried to take it and also i am very nonspiritual and science oriented so buying any of this has been hard for me and the fact he is gone forever has nearly destroyed me. i was also with his best friend susan who had asked if he had friends or was he alone. listen to the second part. though he has had his girlfriend and best friend die his grandfather etc. i felt like all your kids were with him so i really wanted to share this with you more than anyone.

20161126_155534.mp4

[tobyfreefoot]

if anyone can tell me how to put this on differently please tell me

 

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Gretchen...I could not make out what she was saying.(due to echo/noise)..the filming was clear....am filled with joy..hope...faith...that your boy connected with you.....was she talking about he is surrounded by friends and family..?

[TearsInHeaven]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Gretchen, I came on today and read your post. Here is the video, I put it on my youtube channel

I was very distraught today. And just plain mad as ever about Jesse getting the short straw. It is not a good day. 

Anyways, saw the video and thought I would lend a hand. Then I read the post. Saw what you wrote about the locket. I have a locket sitting beside me. It came into my possession this past summer when I "found" it in a packing box  I got from Goodwill from a purchase -- it was stuck in between the folds of the cardboard with the chain knotted up. I always like to think of it as from Jesse. And I was just considering putting a bit of his hair in it. 

Here is my locket. Now what is odd is my file name for the pic is 1556. I looked at your file name for the above video, it is 1555. I always pause about those kinds of connections. 

Dee, I am okay, just tired. And like I wrote above, am just having a bad stretch here. 

Sending gentle thoughts to all.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

For James on his birthday,

Wishing you a beautiful heavenly birthday.  You are always loved and treasured.

Georgina, know how much you are missing him.

[ericasmom]

Laurie, Winnie says it so well...He will stay there in your heart forever

I am sorry that you are having a bad stretch, a sad time. Anger sometimes comes out of the woodwork and catches us off guard. More often during the holiday season I think.

I love the number thing too Laurie, that there is a connection such as these.

[tobyfreefoot]

Laurie thanks so much for posting the video. I'm sorry you're feeling crappy but I think the number sign is even more reason to fix up the locket. I'm sure Jesse sent it.

Susan go to about 27 sec it clears up there was an air conditioner running at first. He mentions the fact he has trouble getting me to believe his messages. But one thing he says twice is I'm not gone. He also says we will see each other again. The message to his friend mentions he has lots of people with him he isn't alone he has lots of people which makes me think all our indigo kids are together because she seems surprised when she says he's a young man but he has lots of people there. 

I have had this undeniable sensation that forest is telling me to read a book I have called love never dies. Last night the first part that was hard to hear was all about the communication connection between us and how to access him. So I finally drag the book out and lo and behold it is about finding and strengthening the connection with your loved one who passed. It is this woman's experience after losing her son. I read 3/4 of it this evening. It is weird I kept feeling like forest was telling me. Sometimes when I was having a rough day this persistent voice in my head would say to me read the book mom read the book

[ericasmom]

Forest is telling you Gretchen, to believe that he is near-by, that you will be with him again, that those voices are him...helping you along. HOORAY for Forest's strength in communication.

 

[tobyfreefoot]

Yes that woman said he is saying he is touching you he is nudging you but you are being kind of difficult saying I didn't feel that. No I didn't feel that.

That is me to a t so I will try to cast off me set in stone beliefs and try to believe there is more than meets the eye. After these two encounters it is hard not to believe it plus on my way home I was listening to some right winged talkshow and telling forest if you want me to believe give me a sign when out of the blue they play a full country song something about still being there after death or seeing you in heaven or something -sorry my mind went blank. Anyway I was wanting to give a message of hope - for all of this to happen to a nonbeliever is enough to nearly make her believe it should really help give a boost of confidence to all that do. Love love love you guys

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Gretchen for sharing your experience...your views...outlook...belief....and now your hope. It was after I had the visitation dream from John David that gave me a shot of hope....a gift of Grace....and the strength to hang on to that mustard seed of Faith with both hands. I read every book by Elisabeth Kubler~Ross that gave me a layer of insight. I had all the caring hands that reached out to me when I joined this site. I have drawn from parents on this site just enough stamina to go another day. I still go day by day.

Laurie....you mentioned how much you are working now....also...you said you would not have been able to do this last year. Maybe you are stretched thin. Holidays and being overwhelmed with all the 'to do things'....and the end is not in sight. I have re-joined the world...I miss my cocooning....but I had to face myself in the mirror and tell myself it was time to get myself out there again. It is not like it was before I lost John David because I do have to draw the line to keep my balance and carry my grief. I am not the same...I will never be the same...so I have to figure out what this 'new normal' will be lived. A learning curve. I love your necklace...love the story around it. Cherish it for I, too, believe you were meant to find it. I am setting up a new display in my home and the Sea Angel shall be spotlighted. Many want to see her and the story of how you found it...and gave it to me is fascinating to them..someone I have never met in person. They can not understand the bond between parents that has lost a child. I think we are all a life line for each other.

Dianne....that poem perfectly tells the story of what we are to each other...it will be a keeper for me. Thank you.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Mermaid Tears]

Thanksgiving 2015....Thanksgiving 2016

We are grateful that Mike always finds his way back to us during the holidays and brings his girlfriend, Angela. My daughter and son-in-law raised Mike since he was 6...no....they did not adopt him....he does love him Mom...and we wanted him to have her in his life...the 'conditions' and his step Dad living at his home made it a very bad way for a little boy. He told me one time...'Nonnie...I've known you for so long I remember when you were taller than me'...they also raised a spanish boy named Ricky. He is doing great and has a good job.

[ericasmom]

Pure beauty in your Son Mike's soul and all of your family.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

For you Dianne,

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks to all who posted concern for me...thinking of you all tonight and holding you close.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Michael, the saddest date on the calendar is imprinted in your Mom's heart, your family, your friends...the day you left has twisted the lives of those who miss you so, tangled memories that have an ending and so we wish for you on this date, to find ways to let Momma know that you are there just beside her in a new way...not the way we planned in life, but not all the way gone either. Somehow, you sit beside her and urge her into each day to find some tiny piece of magic, joy again.

Dianne, someday this deep and unabiding ache will become less heavy to carry, it will integrate into your heart and will allow the goodness to fill more space than the pain. I am hoping you feel Michael nearby.

[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Dianne....am so sorry I am a day late....Pibby came over after school and had to do some research for homework....then I could not get back on the internet...

We all know how hard that 'one' day can be....like watching a movie that spins around and around in your memory...going back and forth can be exhausting in grief...and all the 'what if's' and 'how come' and 'why' gurgle up. This kind of grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time....am hoping that this day can be a little lighter for you...and that you will find a soft place to fall.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora....we recently had to put Cowgirl down....I, too, hold all my pets when it comes that time....Oche and Garage Kitty also had cancer...they were very old kitties...Sue Ann died on her own. It feels strange not to have a doggie in the house...but I am not ready for another at this time. We only have one cat...Margaret Ann...(I named her after my BFF died)...I missed saying her name. Reaching out to you with lots of hugs..I hope you can take some time off sooner or later to get some rest and re-charge your batteries. Holidays put an inner stress on me now that I have lost John David....I just can't quite get to 'Merry' anymore. I never ever forget that beautiful face...or those eyes that seem to have a dazzling kind of light...of your Cara.

[daveydow1]

Lora-------So sorry to hear of your dear kitty being put to sleep , due to

cancer.  It is certainly another arrow to the heart when that becomes necessary. 

Several years ago, we too, had to put our old kitty, "Brownie" down....also due

to cancer.....she was 15 yrs. old, and a constant comfort to us when David died.

He used to play with her when he came home from working the 3-11 shift.  As

you say......your kitty was well-loved, and will meet with sweet Cara at the Rainbow Bridge.

Peace to you, friend.

[daveydow1]

Dianne------Thinking of you, and sending prayers for your peace

and comfort at this sad time.   These 'mile markers' are so difficult,

I know.  Just remember that we're all here for you .......your BI family.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Diane I'm thinking of you today on Micheals Angelversaray I will keep you in my heart and prayers today.  Xxx

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

I have not been able to get onto this site for two days  I ad to contact the administrator again  I was so sorry to not be able to reply to the kind and caring thoughts and pictures for James and to not be able to post for dear Diane on Micheal Angelversaray   I'm just so sorry and upset .  My screen had frozen in the middle of submitting and they had to adjust it it sort it  so I'm sorry Diane xx 

i just wanted to say thank you for all the wishes for James Lora I love the pictures you do you make them so special and I look forward to seeing what you design for everyone you have such a talent there thank you xx 

laurie I love the Winning pooh design it's so true what Dee said  " none says it like Winnie" I screen shot all the messeges and pictures and put them into a book of my journey  Thankyou Laurie  epecially as things are not too good for you at the moment  take care please Laurie xx

Sherry thank you for remember James xx

i have read all the pictures and words you put up Susan so many help me through I just wanted you to know xx I posted in memory of a special son on my Facebook page for TCF friends to see it and the man of stone on torment  xx 

well I hope this goes through feeling sad like I've let you all down  God Bless xxxx Georgina X

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

I wanted to share this as a bit of Christmas cheer for all Georgina X 

 

 

[tobyfreefoot]

Dianna--tears from heaven for sure. Seeing mom stagger under so much grief must make it a shared day of pain for your sweet boy too. Sending love and hope.

 

Lora my dog a border collie that herds my chickens has been missing since Saturday. He has never been gone before. Have been hiking and calling on and of all day. My heart goes out to you.

[TearsInHeaven]

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[TearsInHeaven]

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