Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

wow...Georgina....!!!! So proud of you....and I am like Dee...I can walk...but not run. There you are....running and standing in his light and his honor and memory.

Dianne....my 'tick-tock' has a different sound and feel now....I don't know when I will be able to give it a stable balance....for now...I will just go with the flow...I have one foot in the past...one in the present. That is all I can do now. I realized long ago I cannot push or pull myself. It is what it is.

In the first years...1 and 2...I had a very bad case of 'what is the use'.....the 'shock suit' fit so tight...I could hardly breathe at times...the physical weight of this kind of grief can knock you to the knees...we are simply surviving....our 'purpose' gets obliterated...we find ourselves in this abnormal life.

Dee....I do agree with you....in giving and helping others...we can regain a 'sense of purpose'...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

All, thank you for the responses on how the book by Joan Didion's book impacted you. I have found myself in that magical thinking land, I admit, I still live in it to a degree...

Susan, I too think of the many connections that seem to bind each heart here...such connections are made and somehow I believe our children are also glad that we find support, help and comfort in one another. Special thanks to the long timers who stay on with words of encouragement....

Sherry, our deer have been a bit more quiet this year, but that could change. Many of the cranes have gathered for fall, and are going to take flight soon.

Kate, thinking of you as the fall season moves on...how at things there?

Dianne, thank you for sharing that beautiful story about your grand daughter's experiences with her Uncle Michael. I am sure it must have been shocking for your daughter to hear but also what validation that love continues on!

Georgina, sending warm thoughts to you as you enter this race...I am not a runner either but it is good you are able to do this. Very handsome picture of your son...is that your daughter with him?

I think about those who come and post here and send gentle thoughts...I have been super busy with the jobs and trying to get the documentation together for Thomas's case for his son to gain custody...Thomas is also due to have back surgery at the end of this month (a disc replacement) so there are a lot of irons in the fire right now.

Sending love to the group...

 

[janris]

Ricky's mom,

I am sorry to hear of the added pain you are going through dealing with your sick mother as well. that is a difficult thing in itself. My husband has gastric cancer and is doing ok at the moment it is 100% guaranteed to return within 3-5 years and we are on year 4 at the moment. it is difficult to think that he too can be taken from me at any time now! Jamie always told me that he would be there to look after me when his dad passed away...and this makes his death all the more difficult for me to understand.

Hang in there and I hope that she does not have too tough a battle to go through.

 

 

[daveydow1]

Dee------I agree with you.  Fall is a time to just sort of 'settle down' from the days

of summer. A good time to walk, enjoy nature, read, and reflect on things. These

things can often be put aside in the busy times of the warm months. All your flowers

sound so nice....still giving you a beautiful show.  I'm still trying to keep Davey's

knockout rose alive.  It is sooo tiny.  It was originally planted in a spot that did not

give it enough sun, so we moved it to a better place.  I've been working with it all

summer  (no roses, but at least it seemed to be thriving a bit.)  On Davey's birthday,

it had one tiny little rose!  It was so gratifying to see it bloom. I will mulch it & cover

for winter, so that the harsh winds of this hill doesn't kill it.  Hopefully, it will do better

next season.  I have a daisy that  is blooming like crazy.......better than in the summer.

Wild turkeys always walk across our yard on their way to the soybean field that was

recently harvested. The combine leaves some beans lying around....turkeys like them. 

 

Georgina-----Thanks for the lovely pic.  So glad you are participating in the 5K race.

Wonderful way to honor your dear James.

 

Dianne-----thank you for the great screen shots, and for the stories of little Piper.  I loved

the one where she woke momentarily and said "Michael".  Moments like that just warm the soul.

 

Susan-----thanks for the screen shots.  They are always so encouraging, and say it so well.

 

Jamie's mom--------good to see your post.  Sending prayers for your husband.  Peace to you.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT  TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Mermaid Tears]

I was 'led' to this site in December of 2012....I was looking something else up online...and this site came on my screen.....now...how did that happen is still a mystery to me....but am so grateful. In all these years....there are some parents that are not only having to grapple and wrestle with this kind of dark..heavy..choking kind of grief...but they also have very sinister situations to deal with....family that acts more like enemies...environments that are very unkind. Some are very alone. Some are stretched to their limit by the sheer weight of caring for others. They are also hit with 'those friends' that seem to abandon them...and deal with betrayal.

How many times I wished I lived down the street. Now I know how this kind of grief can spread to health and emotional issues. I know that if there was just 'one' person in their circle that understood what they were going through...it would make the journey somewhat easier to bear. But all we have are words to share..and our understanding....and when a parent gets knocked to their knees....we tell them it is ok to crawl. And it is. This is a one day at a time journey. We can't jump over the grief...walk around it....no...we simply have to go through it. But we are here to hear.

I think our Shannon had the most on her plate...I would cringe to hear of all that was placed on her. It was her deep and strong resolve that she would protect and raise her sons to have that normal life...amidst the abnormal situations that they found themselves in, she losing Trista and the boys losing their big sister. She would be knocked to her knees so many times. She had her Grandmother who raised her by her side....and I think that was the only 'rock' she had to cling to. By her sheer resolve...she is raising her boys..in a place of peace with a nurturing way of life.

We can offer what we did to survive. We all have such diverse lives. Parents from all over the world. We do have this kind of grief...when you lose a child. I find that it doesn't matter if the child passed in the womb....lived 2 days...2 weeks...16 years...50 years....they are still your child and your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. We still share common symptoms of this grief.

I need to read posts from parents that are having a good day. They had a good day with family and friends. They got out and about...they are learning to cope and carry their grief. They are learning to thrive instead of survive. I like to hear how they are helping their siblings adjust. I like to hear how the family is healing that hole in their heart in the shape of their child, brother, sister. I like to hear because I need hope.

I know how it is to sleep only a couple of hours. How to cry..break down...fall apart...hide in a dark room. I like to hear of that parent gaining even a sliver of healing. How that shattered heart is being put together one tiny shard at a time....it takes a long time. We seem to lose purpose when we have this kind of grief and I think re-shaping...re-constructing...re-defining our sense of purpose may be a small but great step in fashioning our new normal. I am changed. I have not got a clear picture of just how. I am still learning balance.

[Mermaid Tears]

Ask My Mom How She Is.docx

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Dee, Susan, Sherry and Diane I just wanted to say I can't run either !!!! I walked the race today.  Both my knees have arthritis.  My finishing time was 54 minutes . So not very good! for 5k.  But I really tried my best for my lovely boy. My daughter was slightly ahead of me she can run it but waited back for me. 

Laurie that's not my daughter just a very special friend of James's . It's the only one I have of him just before race. I'm feeling just so emotional tonight missing James so much. I'll catch up tomorrow just wanted you all to know how I got on . 

Thank you Big Hugs xx 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Georgina, you made the 5K, and the time was not bad, the act was what is important, you walked a race that He loves, and you finsihed it despite your knees. Good for you Girl. I am sure that the whole day has been emotional, but I also think that you can see that you are finding ways to go forth taking James with you...no it is not the same, nope, it never will be, but Dang, he is still your Boy-and you, his Mum, and nothing in the world can tear that relationship apart. It hurts down deep where the ache is, the soul/spirit/heart-it takes time for them to heal enough that pain is not the first thing you feel each day...but not today Georgina, one day though, one day pain will not be the first thing you feel when your eyes take in a new day...I promise.

Looks like The Chicago Cubs have now won the division and will go to the Big Game! Whooooo-Hoooo. I went upstairs before the game ended but I heard some commotion outdoors, fireworks and hurrays-hoorays, so yes, the Cubs have won. Fabulous! Fabulous!

Susan, all of the screen shots you posted are lovely, I love the one iwth your name at the bottom, so beautifully written.

Sherry, my husband and I took the little ones for a walk in the forest preserve today. It was a great and wonderful time, watching them notice things in nature that caught their attention. The pathway wound its way and Michael loved when he felt the gradient change, going up, he'd say. We watched trees let go of their colorful leaves, we saw many a tree on thier sides, which Erica wondered about with each...why did it fall? Can we take it home or lift it up. Some had holes and tunnels through the middle to which Mike said, tunnel and Eri wondered what animal might live there, she also said, she would not like to sleep in the forest all alone...and added that she would not like to pee in the forest like an animal. I love the way kids associate concepts and ideas. We had a great time. Very tired now though, ready for some deep slumber. I love that the wild turkeys wander your yard in search of beans from your fields. They are such curious creatures.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Hello all, 

I want to say thanks to all for the kind words of wisdom.  Each day is a struggle as we all go through this horrible journey.  I have good days and bad, but I'm keeping on keeping on.  I just keep putting one foot in front of the other each day.  Mom is up and down on how she feels.  We are going for her third round of chemo tomorrow, Tuesday and Wednesday.  We had a birthday party for her this yr which was a first and it was great.  Hubby and I took her to a Frank Sinatra tribute concert and I have never seen her so happy, it brought tears just knowing I'm limited on the time I get to spend with her.  It's very exhausting taking care of her but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I haven't had time to go to Ricky's cross in the last couple months and that makes me sad a lot.  I miss him sooooo much.  It was 6 mths ago he passed on the 15th and it is so hard to believe he is gone still.  In the process of getting mom's room (Ricky's) set up for her I had a breakdown cause I could still smell my baby on his blanket.  I couldn't make myself pack it up so I told mom it would stay in the top of his closet.  I also had to take the clothes that he died in out of the room and that tore me up to see the blood spots and rips in them from the wreck.  I tried to go to a group therapy class on grieving and that only lasted 2 sessions. I was the only person that had lost children in the group and it just didn't feel right.  I'm not a group kind of person.  I'm a big stuffer as they call it.  I take things and put them in a box and hide it away inside.  Hubby and I had to go to a friend's child's funeral on Friday and that was the hardest thing to do.  I had to walk out and felt bad that I was being disrespectful.  Just seeing her being so young laying in the casket and watching her mom go through the horrible pain brought back too many memories for me and I ended up having a major panic attack.  Now I'm trying to plan a baby shower for my daughter next month.  Oh, yes, we are talking again! I am actually starting to get excited about my first grandchild.  She is naming him Elijah for her brother since his favorite quarterback was Eli Manning.  I got to go with her to the 4D sonogram and see him.  I'm just taking each blessing as they come and trying not to think about the"what ifs". I do read and think of you all daily ,however I don't always write. For the new comers to this site, plz take care of yourself.  This is a terrible journey that will take its toll on you mentally and physically.  You have found the right place to cry, scream, vent or whatever you feel you need to do without judgement.  Unfortunately we all understand here.  I'm sharing a pic of my mom at the concert and one of baby Elijah smiling.  The last pic is a generation pic with mom, me, my daughter and Elijah at mom's birthday party. 

Blessings to all! Ricky's mom, Wendy

 

[ericasmom]

Pretty women Wendy, all three of you and then that Baby Elijah; Gorgeous, a culmination of so many hearts, so many prayers. May he grow strong and be born with goodness and great health...Your Momma sure looks good Wendy, and I am glad that helping her through this time is what you feel is best. Moving those beloved and memory entrenched items was hard, I am sure, but there, you found a way.

Dianne, wow, the Cardinals were scouting your husband? How cool is that! And he did instead, what he felt he needed to do. Bless his heart. Tell him thank you from me, I always like to thank a VET, whether or not the war was our idea of good or bad, thank you for your bravery and sense of duty.

Peace out ALL

PS So Cubs vs. Cleveland on Tuesday-WWWWWWCUBS

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Wendy....so happy that your daughter has been reunited with you....and I, too, think it is best to just 'let it go'.....whatever her reasons or mind set..that was yesterday. My Grampa always said..'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth'...(you could judge a horse's age by looking in the mouth).....

The other great quote I keep in my heart for forgetting and forgiving comes from Somerset Maugham...'there is nothing as dead as the day before yesterday.' Thank you for sharing your photos....I see smiling faces....even through the challenging health issues that loom over you. We are here to hear you....and here to give you our support as you go day by day. We know how hard and heavy it is to carry this kind of grief and to stretch yourself in facing many life size mountains. You are getting a miracle gift in Elijah.

[daveydow1]

Wendy------Such good news that you and your daughter are reunited.  Every

family has its "ups and downs", I think  ( I know mine did), but it's always

a positive when members can get back together and progress as a family.

Peace to you.

  

Dee---Yes......Everyone in Ohio is ecstatic that the Cleveland Indians team

is in the world series.....as is the loyal fans of the Chicago Cubs.!  They've

both earned their way.....Yay teams!! 

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

[ericasmom]

Yes Sherry, Go Cubs and Indians or Indians and Cubs. They are troopers and we are proud of their hard work.

 

[janris]

My daughter just gave birth to a little girl... a miracle baby.. she was told that she probably could not have children, or would have great difficulty, as she had an ectopic pregnancy a couple of years ago.

After our son Jamie died we received an insurance policy and I felt so terrible having the money in place of him so we used it to take our two daughters and 2 grandchildren to Cuba to celebrate Jamie's birthday 3 months after his death. Our daughter happened to get pregnant when we were there, which we fully attributed to Jamie looking after her! Not only did she get pregnant while away for his birthday, her due date was just two weeks after the anniversary of his death. My daughter started labour on the 21st of October and was having trouble dilating and ended up giving birth on the 24th which was the anniversary day of Jamie's funeral. It turned a very sad day into one of celebration.. we again believe that he had a hand in this!!

Every time that I look at my beautiful new granddaughter, named Addison Jamie after her mothers young brother, I cry my eyes out and feel that Jamie is there within her. Not sure how I can logically explain how I feel but it seems sooo real to me. I love her to bits already and I would hate to think that this deep love is due to the fact that I feel he is there.

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Don't worry Janris,
 the love you feel for this new blessed Child is from your heart and from the well of love that exists in you. The facts around her conception and birth seem very much to signify the presence of her sweet Uncle, we had a similar connection in our sweet Grandgirl's birth. Our Daughter Erica died 13 years ago...but 3 years ago mySon and his Wife Shannon, were at our house raising a glass to my Erica, whose birthday it was. It was April 4th. My Son, Jon and his wife walked home after dinner and then a call, " mom, Shannon is in labor." The Baby she was carrying decided to start her arrival on her Beloved Auntie's birthday, arriving on the 5th of April. They named her Erica Elizabeth, My Daughter is Erica Eileen. It felt and still feels that Erica had a hand in helping her niece come right around her own birthday. I love these kinds of connections and I too wept when I met her, and could feel immediately that her Auntie was in the room with us.I am always elated when she enters the room. Congratulations.

 

Peace,

 

[janris]

I truly believe that it is all down to both my Jamie and your Erica! DO you also have weird things happen around your house? this morning I woke up and there was a picture of him and his friends open on my computer... this happens a lot!!

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Janris.....congratulations on that Baby Doll....little girls are hard to come by in our family....we had one girl and five boys...now...we have 14 grandchildren...only 3 girls. I think we are wary of sacred ties....we can put it on 'coincidences' ...but when we connect the dots...and let our Faith...(being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see)....give us the assurance of our loved ones being a part of our lives as we walk the earth home. Our 'new little man' was born in December..on my parent's anniversary......

Your son died on October 10th....my beloved Grama died on Oct. 10, 1974.....later...our beloved twins were born on October 10th...giving me a day to celebrate instead of endless grief. Another parent on this site...Laurie...her son, Jesse David, died on October 10th....Laurie and I have many 'coincidences' ...with names and dates....

[Tommy's mum]

ericasmom and janris what lovely events for you. i hope to be fortunate to have something similar happen to me in the future which will help to validate Tommy's existence. The only signs i have received from my son from beyond are  the day of his funeral there was the biggest rainbow i have evr seen stretching and ending across the street from my house, a shooting star when i begged him to show me a sign and i have seen two young adult men who looked so similar to my son, the same flame red hair, the same clothes and baseball cap he wore and i believe Tommy sent them for me to see that he is still around even tho i cant see him. I dont dream of him or have him visit me in dreams and i long for that to happen.

[Mermaid Tears]

Tommy's mum.....yes...I do believe in signs...and those 'signs' were from your boy. I have thought of your story..my heart goes out to you...in that you had not got to be with your boy for so long..and now....you are in a 'desolate place'. None of us on this site has any answers....in fact...when my John David passed...I called it the years of..'unanswered questions but answered prayers'.....the prayers were 'Help Me'...'Get Me Through This'....'Guide me to help my family'.....'Help me to survive another 5 minutes'.....

There are 50 shades of grief....and to a grieving parent....they will experience 50 shades of grief..each day. There will always be a hole in your heart in the shape of your child. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. It is like being placed in a foreign land with no compass or map....and you do not understand the language. That is the reason...you never get an answer to your 'WHY'.....

We are here to hear you....

[janris]

Tommy's Mom... it took some time for me to see Jamie in my dreams and when it first did it was tragic and I dreamt of him getting hit by the first car and being thrown into the second.. not good dream at all... now I sometimes have that same horrific dream, but I also have the ones where he comes to tell me he is ok and hug me and make me feel good.

The visions of the accident haunt me.. I was not there when he got struck but I see it all the time.. in my dreams and sometimes when I am not.. always when I visit the site of his death. when we went there on his anniversary day I decided not to go back. We have had a tree planted in his memory in a nearby park that he played in all the time, I will go there when I need to be with him.

I long for the days that I have only happy visions of him.

[ericasmom]

Tommy's Mom, and Janris, yes, there are always little signs that our Babies are nearby, letting us know, letting us believe that while not here physically, they are just beyond the divide. I love that you saw the photo of your boy and his friends on your laptop...I have had many signs over the years, and yes, many good visit dreams but for me, mostly in the first 5 years after Erica died. I will try to attach the photo that Susan loves, called Shaft of Light...I snapped it a little bit after Erica died, I was walking through the forest preserve and hadn't had any sense of her for about a week or so and so I just stood and said, " Eri where are you?" As soon as I asked aloud, there was this shower of golden light coming from above...though the sun was off in the distance at another angle. Lovely sign...

GO CUBS, lost last night and playing in what Cleveland hopes will be dry, but Sherry, it has been raining all day long here, it is coming your way.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

On my husband's birthday last year, on my cell phone, a picture mysteriously attached itself to my son's phone number that we keep active. The picture was of significance. I had taken a picture of a dove that my daughter said she felt was a sign from Jesse about a week prior to this. This was the exact photo that by itself attached to my son's phone number as his avatar. My phone was lying on the table untouched when this occurred. Also when Jesse was still in the womb, I have a photo of a wild dove that for some reason I was able to catch (it may have been a rescue) that I was holding next to my belly. 

Thank you Susan for that share. There does seem to be those meaningful connection points I agree...including the dream of your John David I had and the find of the sea angel figurine shortly thereafter.

Janris, congratulations on the new grandbaby. We had our grandson born after Jesse's passing too. In my reading on grief sites I found that children born following a death are called rainbow babies. Our grandson is a treasure.

Dee, thank you for sharing that beautiful photo again that inspires us all. 

Tommy's mom, I am sending prayers for gentle dreams.

I don't know if any of you have heard of a young boy named Mattie Stepanek who wrote poetry and passed at a very young age from a form of muscular dystrophy. I am quite amazed by his words from someone so young...here is a photo of him with one of his writings...

[janris]

Erica's Mom

What a lovely sign!!! My daughter has had the same thing when she was thinking of Jamie and asked him to show a sign... one above the site where he was killed, it was raining and completely cloudy and the clouds opened up and showed the top image of an angel with a face profile similar to his and the bottom part of the image is when she was lying by the tree we had planted in his honour and she was thinking to him and asking him to show a sign again and a cloud appeared with a pretty clear image of his face. I always felt jealous that I never got to see these signs and about three weeks ago we were driving a long distance and I fell asleep in the car and I was jolted awake by something and I opened my eyes and looked out the front window and I saw a cloud with Jamie's face in it.. I was stunned.. a few minutes later I told my husband what I saw and he said yes he had seen it as well!! So comforting to know that they are watching over us!

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[janris]

Tears in Heaven,

Our Jamie was killed Thanksgiving weekend! what a coincidence. I am amazed at the signs that he leaves us, and they are so comforting! Some days I struggle so hard to get through and a little sign will come to me and make it feel so much better. I wonder some times how I am going to get through life without him I miss him sooo much!! I know that it does eventually get better as this is my second son that I have lost but I still have moments when I miss Matthew too! and we lost him almost 25 years ago. IT was losing him that made us treasure Jamie sooo much. Jamie was our salvation! And with my hubby being ill Jamie helped me so much, both physically and emotionally. Both of our girls are out on their own so not always around when I have a difficult moment.

Jamie and I used to curl up on the couch and watch chick flicks together! it was so great to do that with him. After his death, for Christmas my husband had a quilt made for me out of his T-shirts and the backing was his favorite soft comfy blanket. I now curl up on the couch with that blanket and I feel like he has his arms wrapped around me! I love it.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

I love the T-shirt quilts....Colleen...another parent on this site had one made for her son....we have a lady in town that makes those...maybe I will get myself in balance and have that done this year....yeeks...this year is almost over....how did I get this far without John David ? Day by day.

Dianne...I have loved trees since I was little...that is an awesome memorial.

[janris]

We also had a tree planted for Jamie in a nearby park where he used to play soccer, hockey and god knows what else as he became a teen lol.  do find the quilt to be very comforting. Jamie's friends still come by to check on us they had t-shirts made to help us pay for the funeral as well and we used that T shirt as the centerpiece.

Here is  picture of the quilt.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

 

[ericasmom]

Wow, what a lot of wonderful posts...Laurie, I have all of Mattie STepanak's poetry books in my classroom. I feel the kids should know that even as this boy faced his disease, his death just a fact for him, he wrote joyous hopeful poetry. He is one of three boys in his family with the disease, I think others have also died. Amazing strength and faith. Thanks for sharing Mattie here.

Diane, we have two trees in Erica's name as well, living memorials. I too am a tree lover and a bird lover, so having a place for birds and insects to live is a welcome way to honor our Kids. One is at the park at the end of our old block where the kids lived while young, the other at the school where I teach now and where they both attended. Each April, My students decorate Eri's tree on her birthday, rain or shine, or snow as is the case some years. Pink crepe paper and streamers and folded cranes, and bows...you name it, we hang it in her pretty tree.

Love the song that came on the radio...a song I love too, and cry when I hear.

Love the clouds showing your Boy and giving you affirmation that he is indeed fine in his new home.

I have a cloud story, I will retell it when I have more time.

Love all of the quilts, such a wonderful keepsake. It is in those tangible things we find some deep comfort for these are the items that lay against their skin...

[ericasmom]

Tangible things

 

Tangible Things by Dee Conmy

 

They are the possessions we hang on to

long after the event.

The prom dress, yellow satin,

the first skating skirt, double tiered.

her trophies and report cards,

her favorite dolls

and her lefty mitt,

all packed in boxes.

Holy and sacred.

They are things,

the touchstones that I cherish and protect

 

[Mermaid Tears]

I have a copy of that poem, Dee....also the picture of the 'shaft of light'....that gave me so much hope....here in my office...

Dianne....we are with you...those marker dates which will not resonate on the calendar for anyone else but 'us'...are hard...we know.

Love those quilts...I am inspired to start gathering up....I find that many times it is best for me...to keep my balance....not to touch certain things...not to open the book...open the box....or the small chest that I had made for each child years ago to keep their keepsakes....I spiral down. All of us on this site knows the trigger points by now....to keep momentum we simply have to put it aside and let the day work it's best for us.

[Mermaid Tears]

Janris...I see your boy in the clouds....I do believe there is a sacred connection between Mother Nature and our children...

[daveydow1]

Janris-----Congratulations on your new grandbaby girl. I bet she's a real

little beauty.

 

Dianne-----thanks for the pics of the quilt that Michael's friends had made

for him. It's beautiful. Also, the pic of the tree dedicated to him by your cousin.

Lovely ways to honor your dear son, and keepsakes close to your heart.

 

Laurie----Yes,....sometimes things happen that are not readily explanable, like

the avatar of the dove, attached to Jesse's phone number.  I once sent an email

to Dave's old email address, and it went through.....other times I tried it, and it didn't

go through, but I'm inspired if it does. Others may not believe us, but when these

little things appear to us.....we know that our dear angels, know, and are aware of

how much we love them, and always will.

 

Dee-----thanks for the poem "Tangible Things".  These things that we all keep and

treasure, are soothing to the heart & soul. I have many many things of Davey's, and

some of Lisa's little clothes & toys.  When I look at any of them, I feel close to them......they are

always with me......ALL our Angels are close.....just on the other side of that thin veil, and always in our hearts.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[tobyfreefoot]

Hi. I'm planning on getting on this evening but wanted to give a heads up. I gave site info to Andrew's parents. Don't know if they are interested but their names are Steve and Andrea. Keep an eye out. You all know the love and warmth they need. You are the best❤

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Gretchen for the share.

Sherry, (and all) I am always comforted by the signs that our loved ones leave...whether it be the "cloud art" that so many seem to experience, songs, or other meaningful coincidences. I have heard of so many experiences that just cannot be explained away that point to a greater reality.

Also, thanks to all of those who shared the quilts. Touching remembrances.

Dee, that was one of the first poems I read of yours, and how spoke to me then, and still does...

Here is a link to an article that my cousin shared from the Still Standing Magazine: (she also had child loss that year)

http://stillstandingmag.com/2015/10/six-things-wish-people-knew-grieving-loss-child/

[InHeavensKeeping]

I have the signs too. I long for the visits in my dreams to actually see and tell me he's ok I wish for that so much. I do see his face in the clouds often and we have our Robin who visits us when we're at the grave. I get so upset because I'm so scared that he's not ok I just don't understand.  

I am trying to find someone here to make a quilt I would really like a small one I think the quilts Diane and Janris are amazing such a specail keepsake. 

I meant to post this last night and fell alsleep x

[tobyfreefoot]

Laurie-thanks for the article. I posted it on Facebook. I'm sure people are sick of me doing that but it is just a quiet reminder that the me they see isn't the me they knew. Anyway it was a good article. I especially liked the thought Love never dies, therefore neither will grief. 

You mentioned being encouraged by signs, if you get a chance listen to the crazy story that happened to Kate!

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Laurie....that article hit the ball out of the ball park....

many of us have talked about living in two worlds....one foot in the past...one foot in the present....how time has a different 'tick-tock'...and that can make me feel 'unbalanced' many times....

[Tommy's mum]

love that quote mermaid tears

[ericasmom]

Right on! Great article Laurie, thanks for sharing it, and yes, once we love so greatly, we always will and we will therefore grieve greatly, the yin and yang the balance of life/death, the imbalance we feel is the opposite of what we used to know. It does get better adn I mean it! One day you will simply notice that laughter comes with more ease, going out becomes something you may want to do. Life changes, the core of who we were is still  there deep inside, but it is a changed core, and that is just fine. Why wouldn't it be? thanks Laurie, glad you liked that old poem. It still holds true for me as well.

Sherry, game 4 tonight, and I do so hope that the CUBS that showed up all spring and summer will please show up tonight. We midwesteners don't often have this kind of excitement.                                               Yep, those items we keep and savor are the precious touchstones of that beloved Child/Children no longer in this realm.

 

Kate if  you are out there, I am trying to read a mystery, not my usual genre, by a woman you may be familiar with: Louise Penny. She writes many books, I am trying her first in this series. She is Canadian and the town she is describing is the picture in my head of your village. I can picture you there. 

My Grandies below, Mike with me, and Erica climbing a hill.

 

[tobyfreefoot]

growing so fast!! how come you look so young dee?

ok i have some of those cuties too. madelyn as nurse joy from pokemon lyra as a princess and preston as a pumpkin

[rlolheiser]

Ten years ago, she was ten.  I miss my granddaughter JaBoa..  she was so full of life.  I will always miss her.. until maybe one day I will get to see her in the future.  I get really messed up with thoughts anymore since my illness.  I have a lot of problems holding on to memories.. and it frightens me to no end that I have lost so many with her.  I have tried to get people to talk about her here.. but some reason it doesn't seem to work.  I have loaded all the pictures I can of her on the computer, clinging to memories. 

I guess I should be happy that I have that...  but even though the memories are fading.. I know the love I have for her isn't.  The love I feel for her is as strong as ever.. as is the missing of this wonderful girl.

With all this said, I am going to stop coming online.  I wish you all well.  So many of you have uplifted me in ways you will never know..  Dee, Sherry, others..  you welcomed me here in the beginning and you are amazing that you continue to help everyone.   

You will all be in my hearts along with your angels.. and I will remember that daily there are way to many people that will walk this path in the future.  Angels are proud of us..  we carry on feeling so very empty, and it just takes awhile to figure out they are with us just not in the way we want.

May you each feel love and happiness again.. it is what our cherished loves want for us

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[tobyfreefoot]

leah--my heart is with you always. try to hang on to the love we have for you also. no matter what you remember the love between you and JaBoa will always be there. i am becoming more confident there is more than meets the eye to this world and you will rejoin her.

 

[ericasmom]

Leah, JaBoa is happily placed in your heart for all of time, and in the hearts of all she loves. She is watching over you and rooting for you, she is rooting for you to find a piece of joy in each day and name it JaBoa. With you always and she must be so proud of you, fighting to keep the kids going and your fight to help your Mom...now it is time for you to take care of you if you can. That is what JaBoa would hope for. You are her sunshine th esame way she is yours.

If you don't return to us, I shall forever wonder how you are fairing, can you let us know now and again?

 

Love you Leah-it has been an honor to know one whose heart is so huge and encompassing-

[Mermaid Tears]

thanks to all for sharing photos....in that we share our grief....it is healing that we can share our joy...blessings...children and grandchildren. We need all the hope we can get.

Leah....I don't think I will ever drop out of this site....I know I need the instant understanding from all on this site when I am having a bad day...a really bad day...even a good day. Today I am thankful that all the parents on this site are sharing 'the dread' of November 1st...marking the start of our Holiday Season...just like me. I am not or will ever be a Scrooge...I will have to wrap my invisible Superman cape around myself and march forward.

Here is our new 'little man'....years ago...1996 I wrote a Halloween story for Austin..even before the twins were born...(I also wrote a Christmas story for him after the twins were born)....anyway...I was looking through some files a couple of weeks ago and found the stories...I had forgot about them...(or rather I had thick grief fog)...so I rewrote the Halloween story for him...at the end of the story Wee Wendy Witch gives him her magical necklace for him to keep until their next great adventure...that is what he is holding....he wanted to be a vampire this year...of course...his choice changed every day....Austin was 3 when I wrote it...and Wyatt is 3...perfect timing.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, Louise Penny hosted a radio show for CBC in Winnipeg some years back. She then moved to Quebec to a small town south of Montreal. She loves her rural home setting and claims it lends itself perfectly to her writing. Thanks for the pics of your little ones. How quickly they are growing!

Leah, I think of you often and am sending warm thoughts your way.

I love seeing pictures of all the little ones. How wonderful to see them smiling and so excited about Halloween. Hope it is a nice day tomorrow. They are calling for rain for us for most of the day. The good thing is that so many of the parties are held indoors at various places which provides a  safe environment for the wee ones.

I did try to post my happening at the tea house a few years back. For some reason it would not take it. At any rate...I will try again when I have more time .

I have attached a photo of my sister-in-laws dog. He is trained as a therapy dog for children that have learning disabilities. What a patient and loving friend he is.