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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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It will however, become better, maybe not easier, we expend a ton of energy finding our way, but it does get better...it happens over time, more time, and what I believe happens is that our grief, our war-torn hearts accept the loss for what it is, and begins to integrate into our lives so that we no longer have to keep separate our grief from our days. It is woven in to the day just like all else, just like memory, just like joys, just like breathing, and we no longer have to hide it from others, it is a piece of who we are. It becomes better.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

I have noticed in the three years since Trista passed that it does get better. It’s not less… not less painful… not less heavy… not less…

When I first came here someone (maybe Dee or Susan?) used the metaphor of this grief being a very heavy backpack… filled with rocks… at first we feel like we will break under the weight of it. We struggle to even stand on our feet… eventually… in time… lots of time… We begin to strengthen those muscles… muscles we never knew we had or ever wanted to use… they do get stronger… because they have to… eventually we can stand a little straighter, walk a little farther… we are able to carry it better. The grief hasn’t changed… it is just as heavy as it ever was. The weight of our grief won’t ever change because the weight of our LOVE for our Babies will never ever change... but we change…we adapt… we evolve… this is the nature of the human Spirit, I think… to be able to do this under the worst possible pain… and I believe the way we are able to do it is because of the LOVE… As heavy as the grief is… the love they gave us, the joy they brought us, we wouldn’t change that for anything in the world and we carry that too.

And Dee what you said about the grief being woven into us… into our lives… your words are always so right and this is what I try to do. Trista is a part of everything… of me, my life, my boys… Her things fill my home… her teapot in the kitchen, her cozy chair in my room… and my grief is just part of who I am now.

When I lost my little goat I knew that she had him. My friend who lost her mother very very young said to me… You know she has him… that little farm was a dream for both of you and as much as she’s a part of it for you now… I imagine she’s keeping Liam safe and happy on a little farm there that will be waiting for you when you arrive. I’m a very visual person… so these things do help me. Chanz is one person who I can talk to about all of it. We’ve been friends since freshman year of highschool. We were still in school when her Mom was diagnosed with cancer and she passed shortly after. We’ve realized we are on opposite sides of the same coin. I am a mother trying to live without her Daughter her in this world and she is a daughter trying to live without her Mother. We like to think Tanya is looking out for Tris until we get there.

Becky,

The wreath, the signs, the glittering lion… all of it is such a testimony of love and I think the signs are an amazing way to carry Jared’s Spirit and help people think…

The days leading up to ‘the day’ do seem to be harder and usually afterward I’m just so tired.

We’ve been having some beautiful weather and I’m trying to be outdoors as much as possible. It will be cold soon. I have been hitting my ‘fall funk’ and as always, Mother Nature is the best medicine.

Love to all…

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Remembering Jared…

Becky, sending gentle thoughts your way.

Hugs.

 

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Mermaid Tears

Dianne.....Sherry posted a while back how the change in the seasons seem to bring her down.....ever since I was a small child...I hated...to say good bye to summer...and here I am....a month away from being 70...and I am still the same...and John David loved...loved the change and the Fall...(of course..football season..hunting season and great fishing)....I think we can let ourselves be normal..and accept....some great dips...and we face another changing of the seasons without our child walking this earth home....

Shannon....it is the way I can describe my grief journey...the grief is still the same....I have just learned to cope...and carry it with me...am learning to balance it...it weaves in and out of the fabric of my life...a part of me...it makes my heart happy that you have one of those long ago and forever friends to share your thoughts and feelings with.....and I 'don't know you'...but for some reason...I saw the Hand of God and All Dreams come true...when you found that little farm for you and the boys...I do know you were 'guided to it'.....it is an Amazing Grace and Gift..and blessing. Wish I lived next door.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Gretchen, thanks for sharing the video, it brings such comfort...to us all...

Shannon, I would agree with what you wrote...it is not less painful, I just have learned to hide things better... I may be scheduling another appointment with Janette myself. When I talked to her, it was about 2 weeks after yours...she had asked me, "didn't I do some kind of reading for you not too long ago?"...I said no she hadn't but I wondered if it was because of your reading shortly before mine and perhaps that connection was felt...I wrote out what she said and still have my handwritten transcript.

Sherry, thanks for your continuing supportive posts and Susan, for the screen shots...

Dee, I will be sending prayers for the family who lost their husband/father...

Lora, I have been thinking of you, because I remember early on how you took 2 jobs to get in a better place financially...I have had to do the same. We never know in our sharing, that it might be that very thing, later, that someone else might need to use as a vital "tool" in their grief toolbox. So thank you.

Our family has had to get an attorney for my grandson, to try and gain full placement. The mom is just not capable of raising him, having abandoned him at 3 months on our doorstep. She is still unstable and neglectful as a parent.

******************************************************************

My sister had an interesting experience shared with her about 2 weeks ago. Shortly after Jesse transitioned, a young woman in my sister's neighborhood in southeast WI perished in a house fire. It was thought her husband set the fire as she was leaving him. My sister's fiance knows the family well as he has lived in that area for years and it was a small community at one time.

The person who my sister talked with was this young woman's sister. This was at a wedding they both had been invited to. And ironically they were seated at the same table and this subject of her sister's passing came up. Basically the woman (well grounded as she is a 3rd shift nurse at a local hospital) said that she had extreme signs before her sister's death that something was coming up. Beyond even what I had. The woman is still shaken as she did not know these types of "otherworldly" events could occur, and they did. She now describes herself as "spiritual" and "awakened" as none of these experiences were told to her that they could happen. Not from what is taught at churches, or anywhere else. It changes one's reality for sure. As she is on 3rd shift, she has experiences with many patients dying. It changed the way she viewed that as well...

 

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie....I applaud you....you are doing this for what is in the best interest of the child...we all 'seem' to know you...and know you would never want a child taken away from a loving and supportive parent. I know so many friends my age...that are raising their grandchildren...because the parents simply are not there. A magnificent sacrifice...to step into that role..again. I would do it in a heartbeat. I also know that many have a heavy financial burden placed in their family circle and have to step 'way up' to support that child/children.

Thank you for sharing that experience. I would think it would change a person in so many ways. Like getting a chance to really see a layer of spirit on this earth home.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Laurie,

I’ve thought about making an appointment with Janette again too. It’s been a long time. It would need to be by phone this time. I thought maybe around the holidays. They can be so hard and maybe it would be a bright spot during that time. It’s interesting that she may have picked up on that connection between us. Something happened when she read for the girls. She asked them a couple of times if she had read for them before. She said she felt she had. Then out of the blue she said… It’s not you I’ve read for. It’s her. I know this Spirit.

Thank you for sharing that story. I like how she describes herself as ‘awakened’. I’ve had so many experiences that caused me to really look deeper.

I also want to commend you for being an advocate for your grandson. It’s always hard to make that choice. I know for my grandparents it was…but for me and for many children… it makes all the difference in their lives. I know it did mine and so many don’t have anyone to advocate for them.

Susan,

I thought it may have been you who shared the ‘backpack’. My memory of those early days is so foggy but it is one of those things that stuck with me. Many times when I come here to read someone says just the right thing at the right time or there are those things that just resonate. I tuck them away or even write them out sometimes to come back to. For some reason this visual really spoke to me and I’ve used it many times when the ‘weight’ of this grief just gets so heavy I don’t know how to go on. Thank you. Like Laurie said, you never know when something shared will be just what is needed for someone else to tuck into their ‘toolbox’.

I do know that my little farm was a ‘gift’. I accept it fully and am grateful every day. It came at such a dark time for me. I also would love it if you lived next door.

Dee,

My greenhouse is just a little thing from a kit. I looked at all kinds of diy greenhouses but lack the ‘know how’ to do it so a kit worked. I just want a little place to grow my herbs and start my veggies and flowers.

I’ve been digging up sweet potatoes and have a feeling we are going to be eating sweet potatoes forever. We dug up one today that was as big as Aiden’s head.

So, for dinner… turkey and maple bacon sweet potatoes. After I get it in the oven I promised Aiden a walk. I could use it too.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Georgina, how are you doing?

Dianne, thanks for sharing...we have had friends walk away too. However, those that are left are the ones I feel that are worth it. We are not very social anymore either. I am okay with that.

Susan and Shannon, thanks for the encouragement with my grandson. I feel so hollowed out already...but this has to be won for his sake.

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Laurie, I am sorry that your Grandboy's Momma just cannot see her way clear to being a responsible and loving parent...and I am so grateful that this little Man has you in his corner. Goodness knows the love and time and devotion needed to raise a Child is huge, so who better? As we look into this Child's life, Who better to serve as nurturer and caregiver than you, than you and your husband and daughter? I wish you all the goodness necessary for this to fall into place for All of you.How old is this little Dude? Is he the same age as my Grandgirl?( 3)

The story of the nurse...very intriguing. Many of us here had signs, I know I had many very strong signs that surrounded Eri's last months. No denying.

Thank you for the care of my friend Karri, the family is so well supported that the MEAL TRAIN, that a friend at school started is already providing dinners through December, and the Go Fund Me Page has raised over 30,000 dollars, the goal being 100,000, so that the girls will have a start for college when the time comes. Right now the shock has carried them, but Karri is a realist and she knows that the long winter of her life lay ahead, the barren time, when sleep is evasive and comfort out of reach. She will find her way and in part, it will be John, her sweet husband who will insist on it. The girls will need his light and Karri's direction to keep on keepin on.

I love Autumn Susan, like John David, but not for hunting or fishing; I take delight in the weather changes and the temperatures going down, I would however love to keep the sun out longer, that is the one part I don't like, giving up the light of day. But autumn itself, is one of my favorite times of year, always has been. I know that I lost Erica in the summertime, so the change of season that first season out after she died, was autumn. I thought that my heart would break into even more pieces, becuase the season was changing without her presence, but it was early fall that same year when I felt that sense of something being poured into my head, and upon looking up, the warmth and peace that flowed through me was Erica's peace,it was she saying, " I am better than fine, this is how I am feeling, now you feel this, and know that you will be fine too." That is what I felt and so Autumn unfolded and the beauty did not escape my spirit. 

 

 

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Weaver

 

Thread your beams through me

and fill me with your silver light,

I shall let your lumins free

distributing them on an otherwise

dark and cloudy night.

 

Weave me with your magic sheen

and hoist me by my aching soul-

I shall spread your angel being

touching those who too, ache

 by what happenstance stole.

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie...we will be your cheerleaders....on the sideline...

I wish I could live...down the road....with so many of you...not only to share the grief journey...but also...to support the many situations and circumstances that you face as we walk this journey together....

Laurie....we will fill that hollowed out space for you....with our ever circle of support and care...

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Treasures

 

 

 

The luxury of summer days

gold and rubies are involved –

 

 

a treasure of an uncountable fortune

that is spent simply,

and can only be saved in one’s heart

 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Dee...how beautiful...am too emotional now...thanks and ever thanks...

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Autumn Day

 

A golden carpet leads me on through a crisp and blue-skied day-

the sounds of rakes gathering leaves-

train horns in the distance-

and Sunday church bells make a perfect backdrop for this day-

this walk.

Birds busily working under the sunlit day-

Weaving loose twigs-

padding the interior spaces-

layering more ‘down’ for the coming times.

The bees touch down gratefully on all that is left-

the last vestiges of dahlias

an occasional  leggy snapdragon

and mums of all color inviting the bees to visit.

 

Soon there will be chimney smoke and frost-

The sounds will change for that walk-

shovels will scrape the walkways-

a murder of crows will ruffle and grouse –

and children will be heard squealing down hills.

I will count myself lucky to take in these familiar rhythms.

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InHeavensKeeping

Just wanted to share this. So true xxx

“Someday you will be faced with the reality of loss. And as life goes on, days rolling into nights, it will become clear that you never really stop missing someone special who’s gone, you just learn to live around the gaping hole of their absence. When you lose someone you can’t imagine living without, your heart breaks wide open, and the bad news is you never completely get over the loss. You will never forget them. However, in a backwards way, this is also the good news. They will live on in the warmth of your broken heart that doesn’t fully heal back up, and you will continue to grow and experience life, even with your wound. It’s like badly breaking an ankle that never heals perfectly, and that still hurts when you dance, but you dance anyway with a slight limp, and this limp just adds to the depth of your performance and the authenticity of your character. The people you lose remain a part of you. Remember them and always cherish the good moments spent with them.”

 

 

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Mermaid Tears

thank you Georgina and Dee....words of wisdom.....words of gratitude...

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InHeavensKeeping

Susan Dee beautiful words Thank you.

We had a break through with our case yesturday. It gets so hard the more we find out the more cover ups and wrong doing. Just in shock  I'm feeling so worn out couldn't sleep at all last night as I keep going over and over the accident as this keeps it open and so raw . There is truly a hole in my heart I can feel it but I like the thought that James will live on in my heart even if it hasn't healed.  

Im just about still here Laurie thank you for asking really been struggling lots of break downs tears rants and days where I've wanted to go. But I keep going just a step at a time. This is brutal. 

Take care everyone Sherry, Shanon Kate, Diane, Becky, Gretchen and Lara God Bless X

 

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Georgina, I pray that you sleep tonight and that you are able to let some of the anxiety go as you move forward. Absolutely beautiful music Georgina.

I went to the wake today after school, for my friend and colleagues husband...same place Erica's wake, her Daddy's wake, and 9 others in between their deaths. And now, my brother in law passed early this morning. Patrick left quietly. It is a heavy time. At this same time, my sister Eileen is so depressed due to her heroin addicted son, who is back at her home, finding ways to lie and steal to get money for heroin. Prayers for Matthew, that he find a way to stop, and big prayers for Eileen, whose spirit is so reduced to rubble.

Anyone in the way of the hurricane, be safe please.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Dee,

Sending gentle prayers for you and those around you dealing with losses and for your sister. ‘Losing’ someone you love to heroin or any drug is a loss of that person you knew. You hope and pray ‘they’ are in there somewhere… but they are not who they once were… I have had so much of it. My dad’s body is broken from years of abuse and he’s still so young really. Only 58 years old. My brother… I keep trying… I got him out of that last place when he scared me so badly… got him on a bus home… a hotel… food because he hadn’t eaten… And together my Sis, Gramma and I got him treatment. He chose not to go. He met a sweet woman in his brief sober time and now she is in contact with me… afraid and wondering what happened to the man she met… and there is nothing I can do but share with her what I know… which is just keep praying. On the home front things are good. He is going on one year after his relapse last winter… but I know, with this disease, it’s day by day. I know the hurt of this as a Daughter, Sister, and Wife… but as a Mother… I can only imagine the fear and sadness.

Your poems are all so beautiful. The Weaver touched me especially on the night I read it… And Autumn Day is very much how I feel about autumn. I love the beauty of it… The colors and sounds and smells… The cooler nights and campfires but it has always, even before Trista’s passing, been a reflective time for me… I call it my fall funk but it’s not a depression or even sadness just very thoughtful and reflective. Now, even more so…

Georgina,

Thank you for sharing all you do. I loved that beautiful song. I remember how hard the ‘court days’ were… I’m thinking of you as you go through all this. Many of us have been down that road. Hold on.

I had a horrible dream last night… early this morning… about something happening to my Zak. It shook me up so badly. The dream itself was chaotic and didn’t make much sense but the feeling was awful and has been very hard to shake this morning. I can’t really tell anyone about it. First, they would just say it was only a dream… and I’m sure it was… but I do think I’ll keep him close for now. I think it’s hitting me… He is 17… as Trista was… and so many things are the same… getting ready for college, scheduling his ACT’s and SAT’s… I’m sure my mind is just doing what it does with my PTSD. But horrible still. 

It’s a beautiful day and Aiden and I will have a long weekend from school because of Columbus Day. I believe I will spend a lot of time outdoors. I’m thinking of taking the boys camping.

Sending lots of love to all .

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 Thanks to everyone for sharing their poetry, songs and pictures. I have been reading the posts on a daily basis, but have not had time to properly respond to everyone. Dee, my heart goes out to your family as you face yet another heartbreaking loss. Laurie, I worry abut the effects that the strain of everything will have on you. Please ensure that you self care!!!! Becky, you too have had so much on your plate to contend with. And Susan...both of you...it is always so good to hear from you. I have reached the stage that I am afraid to mention a name for fear of forgetting somebody...which is never my intention. Georgina, you hang in there and stay strong. I can see that you are getting stronger as time passes....and it does take a huge amount of patience and time.

We are about to celebrate our Thanksgiving this weekend. The weather is less that pleasant and yet I feel a sort of uplifting to my spirit that I have not felt since Jeff died. That heavy blanket of sadness is no longer surrounding me. I take a step back and reflect on all that I am grateful for in my life. Those things that can not be bought or sold. Relationships that are so important. How lucky I was to have had my son if even for such a short time. I feel his presence in my life on a daily basis. The signs I have been gifted with give me such hope and my faith has been strengthened. I know this is but a temporary separation and that I will see him again. That is why my heart is no longer so filled with anguish and suffering. Yes, I miss him...yet I am totally convinced that I will see him again.

For all of those that are new to this journey...hang on with both hands. Stay strong and accept all the support that you can. My wish for everyone is that your hearts will be filled will peace again. Have a restful weekend. Love to All, Kate

 

 

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I lost my eldest son Tommy in aug 2015. He was at a party having moved his friend into dorm rooms at college. There was a big fight that Tommy stopped. When security came his friend climbed out onto the ledge 14 stories up threatening to jump. My son climbed out after his friend and talked to him and convinced him to come in eventually. As they were coming back in the window they were holding broke and they both fell. The teen survived but my son arrested in the ambulance due to his terrible injuries and died at the hospital despite the valiant efforts of the staff. I am so at loss still as to how to deal with pain of losing my son. I hadnt seen him for 5 years as he had moved to hawaii, but we always kept in touch with each other. i knew i would see him one day and prayed for a way for that to happen neither of us had money for flights but that was not to be and I am struggling daily to deal with the fact that my much loved Tommy is gone and i will never see or hear from him again.

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Dianne, I am so glad that you were able to be at Piper's christening. I know that her Uncle Mike is her Angel God-Daddy, blessing her in all she does. I think that the dread you are feeling has to do with the calendar, the date of your Sweet son leaving, and like you said, Thanksgiving and all the rest that tumbles by so quickly each winter. Thanks for your sweet words regarding my poems.

Shannon,I am sorry for your nightmare last night. I hate those that shake you like that. I would think that Zak's age and ideas of college are spurring these unconcious worries. You and the boys have a great 3 day weekend. We have Columbus Day off too, even though Columbus isn't exactly a good example of leader, nor was he a very good navigator and his social skills sucked, but I will gladly have three days right now. I did like it better when we had Veteran's Day in November...that makes infinitely more sense...but okay, we will take this extra day off. Thanks for your words about my poetry too, that is nice to know. Oh and your words about addiction. Wow, the folks it leaves in the dust. Amazing. I know that you know.

Tommy's Mum, I am very sorry that you lost your Boy Tommy last year. Coming to terms with the Never involved when our Child dies is the hardest thing in the world. Hardest! I will say however, that I do feel I communicate with Erica and she with me in small and magical ways. I know that that is not enough, I know that this won't take the place of your Boy, but one day when you get a sign from your Son, a sign that he is near, you may begin to feel that your connection with your Son will never be severed. Death will not wash away the deep love you and Tommy have for one another. Good luck and please come back to read and post whenever it works for you

 

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 Tommy's Mom... I am so sorry for your loss. I know as a Mom we go over every last detail of those last hours of their death. It feels as if we are there with them to help them through it. It is so natural to do this. I hope that in time you will be able to look past those difficult hours and hold fast to the precious memories that bring a smile to your face. Those one on one memories that only you can relate too. Be patient. Let others help you that offer their support. He was a real hero by helping that person. Stay strong.

 

Kate

 

Dee, I absolutely loved your poems. Thanks for sharing. Have a good long weekend.

 

Kate

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Kate, what good words you used here, helping others realize that it will be different one day, it won't always be so very hard. Glad you like the poems...

Photo of my Son, his wife and the kids last week at the JDRF walk along the lakefront. (junior Diabetes walk)

 

 

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Not he best pic of the kids so...I'm hardpressed to find a photo of Mike without his hand in his mouth...he was a bit freaked out by the giant Mickey Mouse and the other characters walking around.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee...thank you for sharing your heart in your poems...touches us all...so sorry about your brother-in-law passing...we understand that you knew his time was coming short on this earth home....still....grief comes anyway....and we pray your nephew can find his way to get help....what sordid sorrow that drug brings to the addicted and the family. Love those photos of your GRANDbabies....our new little man is growing as fast as they are.

Kate...what a valuable message you send to all of us....Carpe Diem....seize the day...and run with it. We get that kind of wisdom with this kind of grief.

Dianne....we all help each other on this grief journey...when one is having a good day...they can reach out to the one that is falling down a dark tunnel...

Tommy's Mom...I agree with Dianne...your son is a true hero....please come back and re-read older posts....I will come back later and post...running empty on minutes ...

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Susan, he is one little-hunk of a guy. Is he 3? So handsome.

Dianne, I remember when on this site so long ago and reading someone ahead of me saying that the second year was worse...CRAP! I thought that nothing could be worse than that first year...though I get it, why the second year can be worse...still for me, it was in the first year that I felt the most anguish and misery. The second year definitely marked time differently, and it was an emotional year for sure, but I felt Erica's peace and sensed her nearby, so I think I was able to operate knowing that. I fell apart and sometimes still do from the sheer craziness of time, how it goes past no matter what...but it was just yesterday that Erica was here. 13 years ago now, but yesterday and still, that abstraction of time since Erica left.

Upon aging

I'm no longer young-

and at times I am surprised by it,

a glance in the mirror shows me the time gone by,

and at times I am relieved by it and relish it,

Being 60 carries an essence,

allowing me to accept slowing down,

making room for lingering.

 

My Sister's Shoulders

My sisters shoulders are bent now, folding forward under the weight of so much loss,

but they used to be strong steady shoulders,

held back and soldier-steady against the tone in mother's voice,

against the anger in her eyes and the hiss in her words...

But Eileen wore her shoulders as her shield, the hate bounced off and Eileen went on her way,refusing to bend,

I sat amazed by her strength and her resolve..,

Those shoulders, held each of her 7 babies, and the babies of we sisters,of friends,

those shoulders that held books up at night to read and study for tests...

the shoulders of a woman whose life has slapped her around.

Her shoulder's now curve forward, in on themselves, shrinking her by much.

Another heart-ache walked in the door and ground her hope out like a spent cigarette, and her shoulders fold like the wings of a butterfly dying: triangular symmetry.

 

 

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JD's Mom, Becky

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi I have just got back from the retreat with tcf 'Continuing love--Regaining Hope

It was such an emotional weekend but filled with caring and compassion. I came away having talked about James and Peter to so many, who understood and were able to offer comfort and friendliness who are on the same road which all of us as bereaved parents are having to travel.   

One of the things we do is decorate a memory candel bag in our child's name. I have never seen such an out pouring of love from parents and siblings as they decorate these memory bags for a special lighting ceremony I made a bag for all of us and our Angels on Blue Indigo. I hope you all don't mind but it felt right and heartfelt I have attached a before and after pictures for you to see. 

God Bless xxxxx

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Yikes.........I'm so behind, but am trying to catch up.:unsure:

 

Tommysmum------I'm so sorry for your loss of your son, Tommy. 

He is truly a hero.  Please come back to this site where everyone

here understands the pain, and devastation of losing a beloved child.

Peace to you.

 

Dee-----I love your poems.....so very descriptive and they 'invite' one to

just join in on your walks, and take in all the sights, sounds etc. Thanks for posting them.

  

Thanks to everyone for posting all those lovely pics. I really enjoy seeing them.

 

Georgina----thank you for the song..."Autumn Leaves"....sung so beautifully.   I, so,

know how you feel so sad and melancholy at this time of year.  I also fight 

off depression in this season. Wishing your precious memories of dear James

can bring you some comfort.

 

PEACE    AND   TRANQUILITY   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....love the poem about getting older...I am 3 weeks away from being 70....

the poem about your sister has layers of love and emotion...and seeing one so strong...becoming bent by life.

It is true that time becomes such an abstract when dealing with this kind of loss...as if we are passing ...yet...with one foot in yesterday and one foot in today...we seem suspended in some kind of time warp...hard to explain..unless you are living it.

Dianne....I think it is very normal for the 1st, 2nd and 3rd year to be just plain hard and mean. The abnormal came into our lives...and we are learning our 'new normal'...like being parachuted to a foreign land and not know the language or where we are...no map..no compass. Yet...we find guides to help us traverse this new terrain.

Oh Georgina...what a truly beautiful creative way to remember me and my boy....and it touches my heart from every direction...'the kindness of strangers' has always amazed me....thank you so much. I do hope you got a layer of healing...for your physical body and your spirit and emotions.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Georgina, thanks for the beautiful remembrance of all our angels here.

I am so thankful for all the parents here who have shared their children and their stories.

I found this segment with Dr. Lani Leary who is a llong-time grief counselor sharing her experience of helping the bereaved. It starts at 30:26 in the interview. The video should be set to start at that point below.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Missing Jesse like Crazy today. Four long years today.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Exactly my thoughts. Thanks Susan,

"It is true that time becomes such an abstract when dealing with this kind of loss...as if we are passing ...yet...with one foot in yesterday and one foot in today...we seem suspended in some kind of time warp...hard to explain..unless you are living it."

There is a duality that is always present for me now. Even when I am out and about I am constantly aware that there are two entirely different dialogues in my head...what I must do to get the next task accomplished...but always returning to my beautiful sons....

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Mermaid Tears

Today....October 10.....My Essie...my amazing, talented, funny, energetic, creative and loving Grama died in 1974. The same day I was brought home giving birth to Jesse by C-Section. It was always a day on the calendar I would fold my wings and spend the day in memory. Then....in 1997.....my twins...Hunter Bear and Tay Tay were born....it was as if...Essie...or God, Mother Father of the Universe sent me those little miracles...telling me...I could now celebrate the day that had made me so sad....what a gift.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you Dianne for the kind remembrance for Jesse. It is so very appreciated. I would say the lead up days were worse...

Susan, I have always appreciated the Gramma Essie sayings you have shared. Like we are partakers in her nuggets of wisdom.

For all my Indigo Friends:

 

 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Laurie, Thinking of you and your family and Jesse today. I hope you were surrounded by his LOVE and beautiful memories. 

 

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Laurie, sending warm and loving wishes as you remember your beautiful young man.

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Mermaid Tears

My Laurie.....I created a collage for you and Jesse David this morning...you and I have always had this amazing connection with names and dates...I have John David...you have Jesse David...I have a Jesse...you and I have Taylor...and the date...October 10th.....I could not post it because it kept saying it was 'too large'...

but between you and me....it is not too large or too small...am sorry.....will try to work it out....will try to work it out...as always...thinking of you and your SONshine boy...we are so close together on this grief journey....I wonder how you are...how your husband is...your family....we took these photos yesterday of me and the twins...coming together at the Chappell Hill Scarecrow festival...we did not stay long....we went to a restaurant to be together...I am in the front...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you Shannon, Kate and Susan...

Susan, I am sure you will work it out. I too wonder about certain connection points now. 

For all those who travel this hard road, I send gentle thoughts for the journey, love for the heart, and the warmth of friendship. 

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Hi Sherry, good to see you. HOpe the colors are giving you some delight. The trees here are turning the oranges and crimsons, golds and yellows. I just love it.

Georgina, thank you for putting our names on the luminaries...how sweet of you to do so, lighting the way and shining their light and ours as we find our wayforward. Good for you to be a part of it all. As emotional as it gets, I am so glad that you gain so much from being there.

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Holy Cow...Jesse David, this is your Day, that day that made hearts break all around you, that day that found you in flight to that next beautiful place, that day that nobody would ever plan for...sweet Jesse, make sure that you lay beside your sweet Momma tonight and let her feel your deep peace, let her feel your connection, let her know that for all the world, there is no finer Mom.

She already knows that there is no finer Son.

 

God bless you Laurie as you see this date marking yet, another year. May you know of our love,

dee

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, I had wanted to let you know your family has been in my prayers, your nephew and your Brother-in-Laws family. Also, thanks for sharing the poetry which always touches my heart.

Becky, thanks for posting the wonderful picture of your JD, One of the Three! 

Sherry, hope all is well. 

 

 

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JD's Mom, Becky

Jesse,Jesse, Jesse, happy Angelversary! I hope all of our angels are surrounding you, and that you will brush your angel wings against your mama today, letting her feel a sense of you everywhere.

To Tommy's mum, sorry you have also lost your son. Please continue to join us here, and we'll do our best to help you by holding your hands and heart as you walk this path.

Kate, I was thinking if you today when I posted the posters about seeing our son's again in heaven. I absolutely believe and trust in that promise.IMG_20161010_091531.jpg

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Susan, Dee & Gretchen, loved all the family pics! 

Georgina,Thanks for including all our angels with your retreat project! That was sooo sweet!

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