Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

Sherry, I hope you can remember all the wonderful memories you had with Davey and celebrate this day.  We are so blessed to have our children in our lives. We would do it all over again, even with the pain.  

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry.....as parents....walking this grief journey...holding hands as we go....day by day....only we know of the pain that never ceases....sometimes a stabbing pain...sometimes a dull pain.....but the streak of pain will always...always be there. I define pain...as feeling the loss. We carry our child in memory...of them as babies..toddlers...the lanky Jr. High kid....and always on their birthday...those are special memories of a party..cake..gifts...anticipation. I can only hope those memories of your Davey gave your heart solace.

Francesca....be very kind and good to yourself today. I call it 'dread walking' when the Angel date is approaching. I agree that it can seem surreal when we realize we are surviving....walking this earth home without our child. We are such brave Mama's....for sure.

[Guest]

Francesca, thinking of you and your family and remembering Michael.

 

[daveydow1]

Susan-------In artwork, I use several mediums, but mostly paint in oils on canvas.  Oils

works out best for me since I get busy, and don't get back to the painting sometimes.

Once in awhile, I'll use watercolors, or pastels, but mainly work in oils.  It's a nice pastime,

and helps me in some ways, as a diversion.   I agree-----the sadness and pain of the loss of a dear

child will always be with us.  Our memories are our own......no one can take them away

from us......and they do provide solace to the aching heart.  Thanks for your kind words.

 

Lora-----Thank you for the birthday wish for Dave.  You are right......we were so lucky to

have had our angels in our lives.  Though our hearts ache for them, miss them, and

mourn their passing,.......we were just lucky to have our darlings with us for however

long we had them.  Their spirits, and our memories make them right there with us always.

 

Dee--------Got out today for some walking.  We're to get a few days of gloominess and rain

coming up, so was good to take advantage of the nice day. We visited Davey's grave yesterday,

along with my mother & dad's grave nearby, and Lisa's grave in the babyland section.  Soon it

will be time to remove the decorations from the gravesites for fall cleanup at the cemetery. We

laid two carnations at Dave's grave....one red,   and one white.  Rain was moving in, but we did

get time to say our prayers and talk to Davey.  We recently had headstones for my husband and

myself set......Dave's grave being in the middle.  I guess that we should enjoy life, even after

our children have been gone,  but each day that passes brings us closer to the time we will be

reunited with our dear angels.

 

WISHING   TRANQUILITY   AND   COMFORT  .TO ALL   INDIGOS

 

SHERRY 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Davey, wishing you a beautiful Heavenly Birthday...Sending gentle thoughts your way Sherry.

Francesca, thinking of you today on Michael's second angelversary....hugs.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, I am sorry to read that your dad has wreaked such havoc. Prayers of healing for your nephew.

All, I have been in super busy mode due to many things that  have been coming my way. Trying to juggle alot right now.

When I have some spare time, I would like to write out more about an experience someone shared with my sister this  past weekend regarding knowings. Since beginning my true afterlife research, it seems like these experience stories continue to be funneled to me one way or another. 

Also, here is a very good book on the NDE topic written by a doctor in Wisconsin. Dr. Laurin Bellg

 https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0198NRFH0/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Francesca, thinking of you on Michael's 2nd angelversary. I remember my son's 2nd so very well,as it coincided with the end of the statute of limitations to bring  a criminal charge, and after that last meeting with the State Police, and having to hear all the excuses they gave for not being able to file charges, is when my health took a downhill spiral. Please care for yourself and I hope you sense his presence all around you.

Sherry, our little kitten is a boy, a naughty little boy! He's into everything!

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes...we will always be their 'Mommie'....

 

Becky...I hope you get a layer of healing with each day..

[ericasmom]

DAVEY DEAR, you are smiling on your Momma and Dad, holding your Sister's hand and sending complete LOVE and PEACE to fill the people who remember every ounce, every grin, every benchmark, of your Life. You will always be their Davey Boy. Happy Birthday in Heaven Sweet Child/Man.

 

Sherry, I am sorry to be late with my wishes. I am holding you close and walking alongside you as you remember. I always sing, " Davey, Davey Crockett," when I see Davey's sweet face. Do you remember that show and the song at the start of it?

[ericasmom]

Michael, hold on to your Momma as she finds a way to wrap her heart around the 2 years of your being gone. For we know that it was just yesterday while we also know it was a lifetime ago that you left here. Hold her and whisper into her all of your Peace, so she knows that you are more than okay.

 

Francesca, I am glad to see you here again, and know that we know what this mark of time does to us. We are here to help you find your footing.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[Mermaid Tears]

love that photo Dianne...so serene...

[Guest]

.

[InHeavensKeeping]

I haven't been able to cope just lately  it's been worse than ever   I really feel I've been at rock bottom  my health is slowly deteriorating I'm trying I'm getting up each day and taking it step by step. But the flash backs are coming into my mind over and over all the feelings seem fresh like it's just happened I just feel this is me now 

 

Thank you Sherry my cat was 13 years old he had such a gentle loving animal. He really pined for James when he'd gone xx

Lora I think that's what people don't realise its not just the massive loss to cope with everyday I feel so sad for all the time I'm missing with James he was my friend as well as my Son I miss the fun we had the chats and the singing. He lit up the room when he entered with his smile and his gentle ways. 

Diane Susan I too love the picture and I truly believe in signs that's how I get through. Xx

[InHeavensKeeping]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Davey xxxx

Sorry I'm late Sherry peace and lots of hugs to you xxxx

[InHeavensKeeping]

Franceasca I'm sorry I'm late I have been so unwell. 

This second year has been the worse for me I'm keeping you in my prayers on this second Angelversaray xx

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Not sure where I got this comforting text  that always helps me:
""""""I take no credit for this amazing piece.I didn't write it but I know that,like me the words will resonate with many of you
To All Mothers who have lost a child(ren).
Why You Didn’t Fail As A Mother
I have to tell you this. You didn’t fail. Not even a little.You are not a horrible mother.
You didn’t choose this. You didn’t want this to happen. You didn’t do anything wrong. It just happened. To you. Despite your begging, pleading, praying, hoping against all hope that it would not. Even though everything within you was screaming, no no no no no.
God didn’t do this to you to punish you, smite you, or to teach you a lesson. That is not God’s way. You could not have prevented this if you tried harder, prayed harder, or if you were a “better” person. Nor if you ate better, loved harder, yoga-ed more, did x, y, z to the nth degree– fill in the blank with any other lie your mind devises. You could not have prevented this even if you could have predicted the future like no one can.
No, there is nothing more you could have done. You did everything you possibly could have. And you are the best mother there is because you would have done absolutely anything to keep your child alive. To breathe your last breath instead. To choose the pain all over again just to spend one more minute together. That is the ultimate kind of love. You are the ultimate kind of mother.
So wash your hands of any naysayers, betrayers, or those who sprinted in the other direction when you needed them most. Wash your hands of the people who may have falsely judged you, ostracized you, or stigmatized you because of what happened to you. Wash your hands of anyone who has made you feel less than by questioning everything you did or didn’t do. Anyone whose words or looks have implied this was somehow your fault.
This was not your fault. This will never be your fault, no matter how many different ways someone tries to tell you it was.
Especially if that someone happens to be you. Sometimes it’s not what others are saying that keeps us shackled in shame. Sometimes you adopt others’ misguided opinions and assumptions. Sometimes it’s your own inner voice that shoves you into the darkest corner of despair, like an abuser, telling you over and over and over again you failed as a mother. Convincing you if only this and what if that, it would never have happened. Saying you coulda, shoulda done this or that so your child would not have died.
That is a lie of the sickest kind. Do not believe it, not even for a second. Do not let it sink into your bones. Do not let it smother that beautiful, beautiful light of yours.
Instead, breathe in this truth with every part of yourself: You are the best damn mother in the entire world.
No one else could do what you do. No one else could ever mother your child as well as you can, as well as you are. No one else could let your child’s love and light shine through the way you do. No one else could mother your dead child as well as bravely. No one else could carry this unrelenting burden as courageously. It is the heaviest, most torturous burden there is.
There is no one, no one, no one who could ever, ever replace you. No one. You were chosen to be your child’s mother. Yes– chosen. And no one could parent your child better in life or in death than you do. You have within you a sacred strength.
You are the mother of all mothers.
So breathe mama, keep breathing. Believe mama, keep believing. Fight mama, keep fighting, for this truth to uproot the lies in your heart— you didn’t fail. Not even a little.
For whatever it’s worth, I see you. I hear your guttural sobs. I feel your ache deep inside my bones. And it doesn’t make me uncomfortable to put my fingers as a makeshift Band-Aid over the gaping hole in your heart until the scabs come, if and when they do.
It takes invincible strength to mother a child you can no longer hold, see, touch or hear. You are a superhero mama. I see you fall down and get up, fall down and get up, over and over again. I notice the grit and guts it takes to pry yourself out of bed every single day and force your bloodied feet to stand up and keep walking. I see you walking this path of life you’ve been given where every breath and step apart from your child is a physical, emotional and spiritual battleground. A fight for your own survival. A fight to quiet the insidious lies.
But the truth is, you haven’t failed at all. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.You are the mother of all mothers.
Truly the most inspiring, courageous, loving mother there is– a warrior mama through and through.
For even in death, you lovingly mother your precious child still.
""

[TearsInHeaven]

G

x

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Jerry's tumor was malignant, stage 2, but the doc feels he got all of it, they will monitor with blood work, x rays and CT. He plans to try to return to work next week , doesn't know if he'll be able to withstand full days yet, but will try. Thanks for your support and concern!

Jasmne didn't get the job she was seeking, as they said they don't have any openings right now.  Not sure why they had her come in with a model to demonstrate her ability, but it is what it is. She's going to apply for unemployment until she can find something else, since the shop where she was working let her go with no reason. All we know is that the previous week she had taken off one day in order to stay at the hospital with her dad and to bring him home since I can't see to drive right now and also asked that they reassign a client that had come in the shop with her chiwawa dog, and Jasmine explained to her that she couldn't do her service as she is highly allergic. I think the real reason though is because Jasmine was holding them to the letter of the law as far as pay was concerned. Always something, isn't it?

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....sounds as if the surgery was successful....and he is in good medical hands...recovery should be a day by day schedule...everyone heals in a different way...he should do only what his body can do.

Georgina...I have a copy of that....one more way of reminding us that we never had super human control....only super human love...

Dianna...the second year was draped in black...grey...insomnia...exhausting grief...tears and more tears...falling down...falling farther...there seemed to be no light at the end of the day....nor in the morning. You are simply living day by day with the abnormal...walking this earth home without your child. For me...it will always be abnormal....but I am learning day by day...how to live in this 'new normal'...and learning how to cope and carry the grief.  I also believe Mother Nature has a relationship with our child...and us.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

I just wanted to drop in. I know I’m here infrequently. I do try to keep up on reading. Aiden’s schooling keeps me pretty busy along with all the animals, etc. I read some posts about essential oils… I’ve taken a few classes along with my herbalism classes. Aromatherapy can definitely help with a lot of things.

Susan, you had asked if I homeschool because the schools are bad here. No, they are actually decent schools. I homeschool by choice. I did it with both Zak and Tris at different times. Zak is highly gifted but has ADD. In his early years that led to problems in class. His little spirit was getting squashed because sitting still to do things he already knew inside and out just wasn’t possible for him. He was always getting blue lights (the color they reserve for kids who go beyond red).As he got older he learned to handle his ADD and did great in a traditional classroom. Tris dealt with some pretty serious bullying. Because of it she became an advocate for those who are bullied. I’m proud of how she handled it but if I could have kept her from the hurt I would have. My stepdaughter, in 5^th grade, came home a couple of weeks ago in tears. A picture of her, drawn by a little bully, was being passed around the school. It was a girl, labeled with my stepdaughter’s name, with the words ‘sl@% and wh@#* written on it. My stepdaughter didn’t even know for sure what those words meant…. Just that they were ‘bad names’. Then this little bully took it one step farther and posted the picture on facebook. Schools aren’t bad… but kids are different. Kids are growing up too fast these days as it is. I want to keep Aiden’s innocence until he’s old enough to handle situations like that, should they occur. He will go to public school. I feel it will be an important part of his development. Just not yet. For now he has cub scouts and 4H and playdates and trips to the park for socializing and I can keep him from being subjected to things that at 7 years old, he’s just not ready for. This is just my choice. It’s not the only one. Just mine.

Thank you for all the thoughts on my little goat baby. I did get a couple of new goats this week. Part of me wanted to give up goating for good but I talked to a guy who has done it for years and he talked me into continuing. When I went to pick up my new little buckling, my heart jumped. The guy I got him from said he was from one of his best milk lines and he intended to keep him but he picked him out for me after hearing of my loss of Liam. He had never seen my goats before before so had no idea what Liam looked like. This little guy was the mirror image of my Liam. He looks so much like him. I decided to look at him as a gift.

This weekend I’m having two of Trista’s best friends come to visit. They’ve never been here to our new house. One is the girl who was driving that day. I know it’s important for her healing to stay connected to our family. I’m pretty sure it’s important for me as well. But my emotions are running high.

Thinking of all and sending love.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, I love the goat story, that the new little guy is so Liam-like. WOnderful gift, and choosing to know that this is a gift is important. If fact, if I had time, I would talk here especially to those new, about the small gifts embedded in our day to day. So much feels worthless, but there are little gifts, signs, tags, that let us know we are still operating as parent, as caregivers, as loved and always loved people.Sometimes and often, we don't see them, we miss them for the tears blur all goodness in our path. We then have to learn to see through the tears. The tears will always be at the ready, but the gifts...well those tiny nuggets of gold and silver are how we find oxygen again.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Dee and All,

There are those signs and messages. They are truly treasures in this grief.

Gretchen,

I just had the chance to read your post about finding that movie and the experience you had with the Angel Reader. Wow!

I have seen a couple of different mediums. The first, I did phone reading. She’s out of Boston… I can’t remember her name for sure but she is known as ‘The Beantown Medium’. She was recommended to me and my reading was very good. She definitely touched on things she couldn’t have known… even that a couple of years before Trista passed, I lost a baby, early in my pregnancy, not something I shared with anyone, ever. She told me that Trista is watching over her brothers here on Earth and taking care of her baby brother in Heaven. During the reading I held on to a heart shaped piece of rose quartz. Shortly after Trista’s passing I had been invited to a healing circle. I’d never been involved in something like that but it was a beautiful peaceful experience. I couldn’t even begin to describe it… but during it, I saw my Girl. Afterwards, a woman approached me with this rose quartz. It was perfect and smooth on the outside but shattered deep in the middle. She told me it represented how a shattered heart can become even more beautiful and she felt guided to give it to me. I held this during the reading… but the medium had no way to know that. Shortly after the reading I received a package in the mail with a letter. It was a small piece of rose quartz. In the letter she told me that she works a lot with crystals and that during the reading Trista guided her to pick up and hold this piece of rose quartz and afterward told her  ‘send that to my mom’. Shortly after that a friend showed up with a gift for Trista’s garden. A very large raw piece of rose quartz.

Before Trista passed she had taken an interest in crystals and herbs and she had asked if she and I could take a class together.

The other medium I saw was Janette Kaye. I believe she may have been the one Laurie saw too. She was local where I lived before and highly recommended. She's the only medium I saw face to face. She also does Spirit drawings and her drawing of my Girl was beautiful.  I saw her a few times and she invited me to attend a spiritual development class she was leading. I fully intended to take part but we moved during that time. She was very good, very real and down to earth. I have the recordings of each session. I went once alone, once with my grandmother, and once with the mother of my first husband who also passed, and once with Abigail (Trista’s best friend). I still listen to the recordings of the sessions. They bring me peace and hope.

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon...thank you for sharing your experiences....and am happy they gave you a layer of healing and solace...

I so agree with you about schools/students.....I mentioned to Dee in one of my postings that teachers are not only there to teach our children but they are to teach morals, values, discipline, manners.....and that is what is to be taught in homes. When Randa was 15/16 and gorgeous and popular...oh my....the most vicious gossip erupted....but I already knew that the girls that were spreading it inherited the envy, jealousy and hatefulness from their Mama's. In the movie 'South Pacific' there is a song called 'You Have To Be Carefully Taught'.....no small child 'hates'.....the parents and family he/she grows up with...teaches that child discrimination/bully tactics. In fact....that whole movie is based on a James Michener novel and when they were making the movie....certain people wanted certain songs to be omitted...but Mr. Michener and others held their ground. The movie is all about discrimination plus an amazing love story set in WW11. I never get tired of watching it.

I think when the 'shock suit' does not fit as tight....we can allow ourselves to hear and see...

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Susan, The shock suit does began to fall away. Very slowly. Three years... I know is just a short time in the loss of a child. This is the first year that I feel like I may be starting to carry the weight of this with a little more strength. 

 

The girls arrived late yesterday evening. We sat up and talked late. When I went to bed the girls and Zak started a scary movie marathon so they are all still sleeping. One of the reasons for the trip was for Camara to tell me her news. She handed me my invitation to her wedding and then her ultrasound pictures. This is the second time this month one of Trista's best friends has informed me of a baby girl on the way. And the second time I have been told her middle name will be Mae. In a few months the world will meet both Morgan Mae and Addika Mae. These girls are in their 20's now so I suppose it's time to start seeing this. It's hard. I am so happy for them and see their excitement at starting their adult life. I am so thrilled that they have chosen this way to honor my girl in the naming of their first daughters. But it is hard. I'm swallowing tears this morning but this is all just part of it. 

 

It's a foggy, grey day and that's pretty much how I feel. I'm going to do some baking for the kids this afternoon. Hopefully that will lift me just a bit. 

 

Sending peace and love to all. 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

 

Found this in my inbox this morning. I thought I'd share it. I've followed and read a lot from Rev. Terri Daniel in this journey. 

 

 

The following quote is excerpted from 
Embracing Death: A New Look at Grief, 
Gratitude and God (2010)

 

Grief is a spiritual form of open-heart surgery. Nothing rips us open, scars us and heals us more than loss and trauma, and nothing offers more valuable soul expansion. The unexpected death of a loved one changes us permanently and profoundly. And because we are never truly separated from those who have crossed over, their deaths invite us to enter new worlds along with them. 

 

Grief shakes us loose from our spiritual lethargy. When we recognize our losses as openings rather than wounds, we find hidden gifts in releasing our assumptions about life being safe and predictable. If we honor and nurture that opening, stretching and strengthening it a little bit each day, we can discover previously unimagined worlds of wisdom, and choose enlightenment over annihilation. 

----------------------------------- 

I dedicate these words  to my friend and colleague David Kessler, one of the world's leading bereavement experts. Earlier this month, David's 21 year-old son died suddenly, initiating David into that dreadful world that nobody consciously chooses to visit... the world of parents who've experienced the death of a child. As a card-carrying member of that world myself, I offer David my deepest love and heartfelt support. May love and light surround you and yours my friend.  

 

Rev. Terri Daniel, MA, CT

Founder, The Afterlife Conference

Interfaith Chaplaincy, Bereavement Support

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....how very profound...thanks for sharing. I like the 'we can discover previously unimagined worlds of wisdom, and choose enlightenment over annihilation'

what an honor for both of them to use 'Mae'.....there was a woman named May in my hometown growing up...she was the age of my Mom....I only heard the name one other time...a little girl in Austin's pre-school....Mae Butler....she would say her name in the cutest way...personality plus.

I understand the feeling...one of John David's best buddies married very late...and had a little boy....I was very sure John David would do the same. We have to accept 'the not ever to be'...

We are so brave to survive...

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

I need Help!!!

It has been 6 months since my son, Tony  died. I am more depressed now than ever.  I don't know how to stop thinking about him every waking second of the day.  I have quit doing all the things he and I used to do together.  He had youth football organization and WE loved working with the kids.  I tried to continue but it is not the same.  Going to practice every week was taking its toll on me.  It was the last place I saw him alive. I made it through the 1st game of the season and that was it for me.   I can't sleep unless I have his obituary on my chest.  I don't get to spend time with his children like I used too. I was them almost daily.  It is like I lost my son, daughter in love and my grandchildren.  The feeling is numbing.  Even when I go to church, I don't feel GOD's love anymore.  This is not my first test of faith, but it has been the toughest.  I wonder all the time why does GOD keep using me as a testament.  My husband says it is because we are strong.  I just want to say ENOUGH! LEAVE ME ALONG!. My other son tries to be so strong, we don't talk about Tony.  When he is having a rough day, he posts on facebook.  Maybe grieving wouldn't be so hard if we could grieve together.  He grieves his own way, my husband grieves his on way and I cry all the time alone.

Sometimes it is comforting to come here to read other people's story, then sometimes it is too much. There is just no joy or laughter anymore. Hate feeling doom and gloom, but it is what I feel.  I was not this type of person before. My mother and GOD mother have been very comforting.  Someone told me the other day I was a martyr, really.  Just because I put my family's needs before myself.   I call it love.  My mother always was there for us in everything we did, and that is how I am/was. Even though my son was 42 yrs old, he was my child, friend, confidant, caretaker, financial adviser and one of my biggest supporters. Yes, I miss him !  GOD why did you decide it was his time.  He was a good person.  Recently found out he did not die instantly, but 47 minutes later. I could have gone all my life not knowing that piece of information. The thought that he may have asked for me drives me insane or he may have suffered.  Why did HE take my son!  I never allowed myself to question GOD before, but I don't care anymore. My faith is shaken.  Seems as if GOD allowed so many things to happen in my life and I kept on praising HIS name.  My house burns down to the ground.   My asthma almost killed me, in the hospital for 45 days. My granddaughter born with a cerebral palsy, but I never questioned GOD.  Today I finally decided to question HIM. Why my son?

Keep me in prayer, today is not a good day

 

[Steve s mom]

Hi everyone,

sorry ive been away so long again 

sorry for any birthdays or angelversaries I missed 

 

[ericasmom]

Cheryl, I am very sorry for the absolute loss of your Boy. No matter the age of our Children, we are ripped apart in losing them...but one day you will sew yourself back together again, it will take time, lots of it, but it will happen, not without more tears, more excruciating days and nights, but slowly and surely. We reattach our hearts with the conviction of our love, with the knowledge of their love, with the communication with their friends/families/ we put our new lives together again for all the reasons stated here in screenshots and in word and tributes; we are still here, we must stand where they no longer are able, stand and help reflect the light that Tony has left you. It is true that we all grieve in our own ways but it is also true that we need to share our grief.

My own take on why is that we don't need to ask why...basically what we need to ask is HOW? How do we live now that we are faced daily with such devastation, how do we live in the light our Child left for us, how do we make his hopes and dreams live on, how do we help those young who may need assistance in this loss...the Hows go on and on. The How question gives us active ways to answer, where is the WHY question leaves us in our despair. The why question cannot be answered. I feel that God did not take your Boy Tony, but instead provided a place for him when his last day here happened. God did not take my Daughter away, he/she did not make the train signal fail, the fuse blown, the workers not change the fuse, God provided the next place for my Girl.

When I hit the 6 month mark, I was certainly in worse shape than I had been and that is solely due to shock wearing off, the shock of your loss is not protecting you as it did, as it sheds itself, you may feel more raw than ever, but it won't always be this way, I promise it won't. Grief is a process, one that takes many turns and we can be exhuasted by it, sleepless by it, ill from it, so many things, so try very hard to take care of you...understand that there is no wrong way to grieve as long as you are not hurting anyone or yourself. Everyone is hurting enough. Way more than enough.

Like you, there were many tragic times in my life, but losing Erica at the age of 19, over 13 years ago, knocked me for a loop. YOu must be kind to yourself , do as Tony would have you do. Know that your life is more than this loss, it is all the goodness too. Tony is wrapped up in that goodness, You will never lose that.

HOw did Tony die? How old are his Children?

[ericasmom]

Prayers please for my friend Karri, who teaches at the same school, who is kind beyond words, whose husband died today. He'd been ill all summer, nobody could clearly define why, in and out of the hospital for heart issues that were never there before, and just a week ago had an ablation to reorder the rhythm of his heart, back home and one more ER visit on Thursday cause he did nto feel good, but they said he was fine just dehydrated...Karri woke today to find him unresponsive, and while his heart was started by paramedics, his brain had suffered catastrophic shut down.He died a few hours later. He leaves two Daughters, 15 and 13, and his beloved Karri. What happens to the world when such a fine Man leaves? Help us to help those he loves so very much.

[tobyfreefoot]

cheryl--i am so sorry for your loss. i have finally almost quit asking why. there is no why, no rhyme nor reason i can find. like dee says how to go on is the problem now. i know 6 mos seems like forever and also like yesterday. the first years of pain are so raw and all encompassing and there is nothing i can say to make you get through them quicker. the deep grief is a sign of the deep love for your boy. sometimes that deep love can wrap you up and hold you close. know that love never dies. where could it have possibly gone? no it is still ever abiding. i try to live in that.

a pic of lyra and preston enjoying the morning and a pic that fell out of a book of forest about 17 and marshall about 7. i'd forgotten how much difference there was in their age as they got older the gap narrowed but i can see now why marshall viewed him as his idol. 

oh also there we are at the art museum and allison with preston and marshall with new girlfriend lol

my best friend of 48 years gave me an insight i can live with. i have had a hard time believing that angel woman thing though i saw it myself. she said--you can't see a rainbow without a prism. that color is  there in the white light but in order to see it it has to go through a medium, cats can see at night because they have more rods and cones (sensory perceptors) tah dah!! i think i can apply this to my experience and still believe in science. this totally works for me.

part of the angel woman encounter. you can see me in pink shirt in front of camera

https://www.dropbox.com/s/542f29fy3g6fjtb/20160918_144830.mp4?dl=0

 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, I love taht you all sat in front of the Chihully. I love Dale Chihuly's work. I bought the dvd when his stuff came to town many years ago, so long ago that Eri went to see it too. I am glad that you found a way to believe in Science and Spiritual evidence. The photos are great, thanks for sharing.

[ericasmom]

a beautiful song to sing to our ANGELS.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....so sorry for Karri's family....knowing you are there with her will bring a soothing and healing solace to her and her family....

Cheryl....I understand living with 'unanswered questions but answered prayers'....

Gretchen...thank you for sharing those photos of that amazing family of yours....we do have blessings to count....as we count the days of our grief journey...and thanks for sharing your meeting ....gives me a layer of hope and knowing...

[ericasmom]

MaryAnn, it is good to see you here again, I have wondered how you are and where you are. I hope that you will let us know what is new in your life.

Susan, thanks, what a sad time. Everyone from school feels at loose-ends, no way to put together what has occurred to change Karri's life so quickly. She will be heart-sick for a long time. Theirs was the marriage that made people say, "oh how loving" Karri will miss that good man, and the great Daddy he has always been to their Daughters. I just hate that they have to feel what we know.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Five years today. 

[ericasmom]

SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL: JARED! This being October 3rd, finds your Family wistful and aching for you. Please bless them in their love and devotion. Spill good health into them... and your sense of peace like diamonds into their souls.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Becky, I’m thinking of you and your family today. I do hope you feel the love of Jared all around you. Sending hugs and prayers.

Gretchen, Thank you for sharing your experience. I think there is so much that we can’t know but I love what your friend said. Just because we can’t explain it yet doesn’t mean it’s not real. I loved seeing all your pictures this morning.

Dee, I’m so sorry for your friend’s husband. My own husband died so young of heart problems, undiagnosed. He was so tired that summer but always put it off to other things. My heart goes out to Karri and two his daughters. I’ve watched my own kids and my step-daughters grow up without their Dad. It’s heartbreaking.

The visit with the girls was good…emotional but good. They left late yesterday evening. Zak enjoyed the time with them and Aiden adores them. It is hard not to let my mind go to the what if’s or could have/should have beens but I’m getting better at putting that away.

The Girls had gone back to Janette, the medium I had seen before. They shared the recording with me. There were things that she told them would only make sense to me and she was right. She told them about Trista being on a train, with other  young people, just traveling and enjoying each other. It was exactly like a dream that I had… one of those dreams where you just know real. I wasn’t part of things but rather being allowed to observe.

Thinking of all today. It will be a busy day. I’m finally finishing my greenhouse. I’ve waited a long time for this.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

For Jared... saying your name today to honor you. Fly free, sweet Boy and wrap your family in your love today.

 

 

For Becky... Thinking of you and your family today and holding you up in prayer. 

[Guest]

Becky, thinking of you and your family.

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

As long as I live

YOU will live

As long as I live

YOU will be remembered

As long as I live

YOU will be loved

Becky...our Warrior Mom....all of us on this site know you will again....re-visit that trauma of that day....we all know that you woke up this morning to that day marked forever on your human calendar. You will re-visit the days before...the morning of that day....you will once again go over that 'never ending movie that plays in the background... if I had turned left...if I had turned right. We pray that you have begun to know...deep inside...you are the Best Mommie Ever....and accept the healing that can come when a parent understands they did all they could humanly possible to do to protect their child. We learn we never had Super Human Control...only Super Human Love. I hope you and your husband and Jasmine will hold on to each other and let this day pass with memories of laughter...letting all the good be remembered.

I so love this photo....thanks Lora...I copied it from your posting...

[daveydow1]

JARED..........JARED.......JARED.....SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU....

 _{AN     ANGEL    IN    HEAVEN.}

 

Becky------thinking of you on this day......your beloved son, J.D.'s  angel day.

sending thoughts & prayers for you, as you & your family mark the fifth year.

It is so very difficult, I know.  Just remember that we're all here at BI.....and

wishing you peace.  We'll see our darlings again someday, Becky.

 

Lora-----Lovely message you posted for Jared.........You have a skill at that, and

I always enjoy seeing them.   thanks. 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    sherry

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Becky you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today

on Jareds Angelversaray xx

 

[ericasmom]

Shannon, I don't know if I commented on the Girls coming to you and the surprise that anothe rof Trista's friend is pregnant and naming the Baby Mae after Trista Mae. We have a lot of little Girls around us with ERICA as a middle name, it is an honor and a way of keeping that Girl near in all that goes forth. Blessings.
 I love the idea of the greenhouse, how wonderful. I always wanted to have one.Thanks Shannon for your hope for Karri, I knew you lost your husband but was unsure as to what caused his death.

Lora, I agree with Sherry, your creative work iwth photos and memories is very comforting.

This was a long day at school, everyone walking with tears in eyes, a mournful time. Lead in our legs and heartache in our souls.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi I thought I'd share this really touched my heart 

Our emotions are charged during the grief of child loss.  We take every word spoken to us and seem to evaluate those words.  We're extra sensitive.  Every broken heart is like this.  We're longing for someone to help us.  We need extra love and attention.  We're waiting for something to be said or to happen that will take our pain away.  We're on edge with life.  The pain is rising within us and we want to scream.  We want this pain to stop.  We want our child back.  We don't understand why this had to happen and we're driving ourselves crazy because it did.  Why do tragedies such as child loss happen?  We go round and round in our minds, until we fall from sheer exhaustion.  We haven't solved anything.  Our child is still gone, and we're left sitting in the ashes of our brokenness mourning the loss of the one we loved with all of our heart.  This is a tiny glimpse into the reality of the every day struggles of a parent walking this journey of child loss.  It's terrifying.  It's lonely.  It's full of pain.  And, nothing can be done to change the fact that our child is gone.  Our hearts hurt now and forever......and forever.

I'm going to the TCF retreat again this year. Looking forward to being with people who understand. Just a place where we can talk about our child and share our stories, listen to others stories and just focus on our children  last time I went I left not only supported but a little stronger and a kind of peace  

Xx 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Made a new flower wreath for the sign that marks the crash site.

Here the sign marks the area where Jared died. You can see just how narrow this road really is. 

This was just a few minutes before 7pm, and by the time we drove back home (1/4 mile away) it was nearly dark. 

Thank you to each who posted wishes and pics today in remembrance of Jared.

I also bought a lion necklace today to add to his urn. It's so sparkly, you can't see it very clearly here.

I know Jared would be wearing it!

As has been the case each year since his passing, the days leading up to this date were harder than the date itself, but you are right, Susan, you do find yourself thinking about what you were doing at this same time five years before. So much of the timeline is firmly engrained into my mind because of our efforts for justice. I don't think I will ever be able to change that. 

We lit three paper lanterns when we got home, as this is the first time there was no wind here. It was still scary! One started towards a tree and I yelled "get it Jared", and I swear it stopped and went straight up just missing the tree! We do feel Jared's presence around us always. 

Dee, so sorry about your friends husband. So sad for her and her children. Prayers!

Love to all!

 

[ericasmom]

Georgina, I am so glad that you will attend the event for Parents of Child Loss again. It is important to do what works best for your spirit. I think that James must be clapping and saying, " way to go MUM".

Becky, the signs and wreaths are a beautiful way to remind drivers of what can happen, about who has been affected. Putting a face, a beautiful face to tragedy, helps get the idea acrss that this is not an arbitrary reminder, This is real life. Love the sparkly Lion.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[TearsInHeaven]

x