Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Georgina, you are supporting them by reaching out with your heart. Remember that you need to nurture you and your family right now, you need to get back on your feet.

Adam's mum, it is normal in this abnormal situation of loss, that you feel angry and guilty, and angry and guilty...we are messed up by this sad time. If folks want to acknowledge your birthday, it could be a way to also come into your life and find out how you are doing since Adam's death. Perhaps it is good. One way to find out.

 

Becky, the table looks lovely, Jared is singing some rasta songs, and of course, Bob Marly is on here.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[ericasmom]

Amen to that Becky.

Yesterday I told my students that 13 years ago, my Daughter died in an accident. Will I ever forget her?

They all said NO! Do you think I carry her with me in everything I do? YES< they shouted.

Can you see her riding on my shoulder, I think that she is sticking her tongue out and saying that I am embarassing her. YES they laughed.

There, now she can be there with ease again this year.

Light indeed.

Dianne, yes, school in Oak Park is pretty good. No threat of strikes,and we have more than enough materials in which to use to teach...too bad we don't have air conditioning however...horrible in my classroom for these last 2 days. Icky sweaty days. Kids are darn cute though.

[ericasmom]

A boy who would have turned 17 today, died yesterday from our local high school, he was shot in the head while hanging out in Chicago the other night. We are on the border of Chicago and it happens to be a very gang filled neighborhood on that west side of Chicago. This boy, who I did not know, was there just hanging out, not gang affiliated, and was shot. Chicago, my beloved city, has seen its most violent August in 20 years. There is more violence this summer than NYC and LA combined. We just don't know how to fix this terrible mindset that guns and gangs are the way to grow up.

Lord help us.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Awww, Dee, how very sad. I pray for the families involved. 

https://www.google.com/amp/wgntv.com/2016/08/30/2-teens-shot-while-standing-on-street-corner-in-south-austin/amp/ 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wendy, sending prayers for your mom as you face this news of her illness. Prayers.

Georgina, Sending hugs and thinking of you and Kevin ... the trial / legal stuff is always hard to hear, and continued prayers for Kevin's healing.

Becky, thanks for sharing the pic of the Rasta table done in Jareds memory. I don't know what would give anyone the idea to steal stuff from a grave site...shameful.

Gretchen, sending out prayers for Andrew's family....we all know here the struggles they will face...

Dee, thanks for sharing the story about how you introduced Erica to the new students. Yes, I think she was smiling. I am sorry to hear of the loss of the student in your school district. 

Thinking of everyone here that comes to post...may you have a restful evening...

 

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Thx all for your words and prayer. It was all confirmed today.  Mom has simple cell cancer in her lungs, lympnoids and liver.  She has been given 6mths.  They are starting chemo tomorrow.  I'm almost to my breaking point.  Can't handle losing my son and mom same yr.  

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wendy, I am so truly sorry. Hugs. 

[ericasmom]

Wendy, I too am just so sorry that you are having to face this with Mom. How old is your Mom? Are there any trials going on with new cutting edge drugs? Does your Mom want to try the chemo or would she rather not? My friend is using some new imunotherapies that are finding promise even in stage 4 cancers...Oh I am saying prayers. It is okay to let it all out too Wendy, let your tears flow and weeping happen, it will do you no good to keep yourself from it. We will hold you through this.

Thanks Becky for posting that article. Tonight there was a memorial in a big park near the high school, and everyone was crying. His Momma and Aunties and all of his many friends, and a teacher that he loved and that thinks so highly of him spoke. Goodness knows that life is forever changed for them all.

Laurie, a peaceful night to you.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/07/let-me-tell-you-who-i-am-now/ 

I couldn't sleep, and found this writing from a fellow bereaved mother. It captures the path and the pain oh so well!

[Jeff's Mom]

Gosh, it has been ions since I last posted here. I am thinking of everyone on a daily basis and reading from time to time. My heart goes out to you all that are struggling with so many various issues in your daily lives. As if our loss has not made life difficult already.

We are doing quite well actually. Facing each health issue with positive hope and determination that we will give it our best and lick whatever challenge is put in our path. The summer is quickly winding down and fall is quickly starting to show signs of fast approaching. It was a wonderful summer. Perfect weather and very few mosquitoes! The gardens have thrived. We are approaching almost the seven year mark this coming winter. It is so hard to believe. As much as I will always carry a sadness within me at my sons loss...I carry so many really happy memories in my heart that he is never very far away. Each day does indeed present challenges... yet we carry on somehow. Take care everyone.

 

Love to all, Kate

 

[shorty16]

My dear Indigo family,

After my Brian died June of 2008, my neighbor told me about a Stephen Minister group sponsored by her church.  I met with a wonderful woman, who I now call "my angel".  She provided Christian-based care giving...not cure..only God can do that.  I saw her for 2 years...weekly.

August 27, I was commissioned as a Stephen Minister.  50 hours of training and a 2 year commitment.

i want to help another mother, like I was helped.

Pass it forward.  I would not be here if it was not for the help of this site.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[daveydow1]

Kate----So glad to see your post, and that you are doing ok.  I have missed

you. Yes, fall is in the air, with cooler nights, and many crickets singing ( even

in late afternoon).   It's a busy time of year, with finishing up on the garden,

canning, and general 'cleaning up' of the yards.  Corn & soybeans will be

harvested in a month or so. We, too, had a nice summer.....hot at times, and

dry, but still nice.

Becky------Thanks for posting that page. The writer, is so correct.....the grief

road has a "one-way bridge", and that  there will always be a separation between those

who have experienced the heartbreaking and devastating loss of a child,.... and

those who have not.  It has to be "one-way" because we wouldn't want anyone

else to go through the agony that we, who have lost, must go through. Thanks again, Becky.

 

Colleen-----Good to see Brian's lovely smile.  So good of you to become a

Stephen Minister, and your desire to help others. I'm sure that you will do

excellent with it, and provide a caring shoulder for others in grief, or other

special concerns that trouble them.  Good luck to you, friend. 

 

Dee------Has your school started classes yet?   I imagine that

you are very busy at this time.  Becky has a job as a permanent sub.....teaching

K-8  as needed, so she's busy getting settled into her new first job after graduation.

Our sunburst sunflower has close to 40 blooms on it. So nice. It stands taller than

the roof, and right next to the back patio where we can enjoy it. 

 

WISHING   PEACE   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[tobyfreefoot]

It does come in spades doesn't it. Andrews funeral will be Tuesday  in the same funeral home as forest. Déjà vue. And now daughters family ill and baby got it. took him hospital and they transported him by ambulance to another hospital. because he is under a month he had to have a spinal tap x-ray catheter andIVY Will be out Sunday.
️

But I do have this

 

[ericasmom]

Oh Gretchen, goodness knows it does come in spades. I am holding you like you are holding the baby, cradled by our care and love of a true fighting spirit. Prayers are being sent into the atmosphere for Everyone you Love. What sickness does everyone have?
Have the earthquakes been felt by you guys? I heard OKLAHOMA had 11 today.

Hold on Girl,

Dee

[tobyfreefoot]

Yeah the earthquake this morning I thought would never stop! Everyone seems to have some viral infection but they are treating ptrsyon with. Antibiotics anyway. Just still too ne and they want to make sure they downy miss anything. What a week my g[d friend also had a family member die and a good friend and family were in a terrible wreck losing one child parents had emergency surgery and awaiting more. I have an analogy for life involving cotton candy but too tired to write it. Gotta sleep while baby is asleep

[ericasmom]

Sleep Gretchen and keep hope alive...even in its tiniest form. I am sending you hope.

Kate, my goodness it is good to see you. So glad to hear that you are doing fine, that the garden is good, that life in all of its ups and downs is smooth right now. I have been beyond busy in my VERY HOT classroom, we had two days of beautiful weather and so my classroom was cooling down a bit, but on Tuesday when we go back, it is to be 89 outside, so add 10 degrees for my classroom temps. ARGH! And we have parent night that night soooooo, it should be interesting.

Sherry, I am glad for your Daughter to have gotten that subbing position in the district she is in. Wonderful. I know you are busy canning, you guys really grow so much. Have fun with it. I found a zuchinni in the garden that is about 18 inches long and very fat...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Diane I know our dates are close take care X X 

 I'm really struggling with the load I'm carrying. Don't know if I can carry on. It's not that I don't want to be here but I want to be with my James  I miss his big hugs and shinning smiles his sense of humour . He'd light up a room when he entered. This is too hard   I'm feeling so exhausted  

Im back in that moment filled with dread my heart suddenly accelerate's beating out of my chest. My mouth drys up I feel sick I can't breath... Then morning comes another day "you have to move on ,I'm told "it's been nearly two years James wouldn't want you to be like this " 

No friends any more  I must of done something wrong.   No family support 

Gretchen I'm praying for you and your family get some rest beautiful pics  xx

kate lovely to hear from you I miss you xx

Dee beautiful words your students are so lucky. Xx

Shery  The Sunflowers sound amazing  I love Sun flowers xx

Hugs to all Georgina X

 

[ericasmom]

Thanks All, yes, bringing Erica to class the first day is important to me, it allows the rest of the year to move forward with out any animosity.

Gretchen, hoping good things for the Family.

Colleen, I never commented adn I apologize, I am thrilled that you have taken this leadership role, you are made for it. The wealth of your knowledge about grief will go a long way for another parent. Thank you for taking this high-road.

[daveydow1]

Georgina-----so sorry that you are having such a rough time of it.  I, too, know the

feeling of not many friends/family to lean on.  In my case, two close friends died,

and a couple others moved far away, and we've lost touch.  I think that others just

sort of 'give up' on those who mourn deeply......thinking that they can't help ( or

that they just tire of it all),  and feel that grieving people should just  'move on'  or

whatever.  At this point on your timeline,  two years since James left this world too soon,

......it is so terribly difficult, I know.

Also, the loss of your sweet baby boy years ago still adds to the grief.  My Lisa K.

died over 40 yrs. ago, and I miss her still.  Dear James and baby Peter will always be with you, in spirit.

Our darlings are in another realm......so close...separated only by a thin veil;  their dear

spirits always present. No one can take that away from us. We have a "Sunburst" sunflower at

the back patio, and it has over 30 flowers on it, and is higher than the roof. I agree....sunflowers

are so nice. They can make us smile just to look at them.

Peace & comfort to you, friend.

 

Dee-----Yikes....I remember that your classrooms are so very hot in the early days of school

each summer/fall.    I hope that the weatherman will co-operate, and call for some cooling

of temps.  I've been busy canning.  We have: grapes, peaches, and tomatoes to do. Rhubarb

was done in May (freezing). I canned grape juice yesterday. I think that Becky is lucky to land

the subbing job close to home, and it will give her the valuable experience that she needs in the classroom.

She seems to have the confidence, so that's good. 

 

Gretchen------Oh, BI friend....I'm so sorry for all the illness in your dear family, and am

sending prayers for everyone.  Take care.       p.s.  Love the pic of you holding the little ones.

 

Dianne----Wishing you good luck with your new contract location.

 

PEACE   AND    COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry  

 

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Dear Sherry thank you for your reply.  I don't know what I would do without the support I receive on here. Your words have given me so much to hold onto I truly thank you. Xx

I thought I'd share this from another grieving mum.

"Today is a special tribute to all parents of child loss.  Unless you've walked in these shoes, you don't understand at all the courage, stamina, and strength it takes simply to get up and out of bed when the light to your heart has been darkened.  To know that you will never get to say "I love you" to your child in person again is to have your heart shred into a million pieces.  To hear the news that your child is gone, is to hear the noise of hell -- that blackness that cannot be described.  To wake up each day with a pit in your stomach that tells you, "There is something big missing in your life" takes the courage of an entire army to continue to go on.  Parents are misunderstood, wrongly judged, and often forgotten as they face the lonely battlefield of child loss day after day.  Today, let us remember that it takes courage, strength, and stamina that is beyond human understanding to face each new day without a child.  This is only part of what parents of child loss face every day of their lives.  God bless each and every one!"

i thought this was beautifully said and just so true it decribes how I feel every single day   

I miss my boys so much xxxxx 

 

[ericasmom]

Right On Georgina, it is the absolute truth isn't it?
We live in the best ways we can after we lose a Child, but we long for them forever. I really hope that you will take some time now to heal your heart through rest and eating right. You and your husband have had so much to handle since you lost James. Your health needs to come first, it is what James would want I am sure.

Sherry, yum, grape juice.

[Guest]

 

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[JD's Mom, Becky]

I am here at the hospital with my husband, Jerry, who had the surgery this morning for the tumor on his kidney. The tumor was large and was growing into the liver as well, they removed the kidney and one adrenal gland. We won't hear back from the lab regarding malignancy for about a week. He is only awake a few minutes at a time, more pain meds, then back off to sleep. I came with him this morning at 6am, it is now 1030pm, and I'm still here. He has been so groggy that I wouldn't dare leave him alone. The night staff seems much more attentive than this afternoon's. My daughter, Jasmine, brought me all my meds, food, clothes, etc to make my stay more comfortable. 

Kate! Delighted to see your post! I have missed you! As well as your post, Lora!

So many I want to address, but am exhausted, more tomorrow. Love to all!

[tobyfreefoot]

Thanks everyone for your love and support. Andrew helped get my children and me through the worst time of our lives and now it repeats. Same friends families funeral home viewing room. They did decide to bury him in his wife's family plot though they debated long and hard over whether to bury him with forest. Yesterday was the funeral. Logan was a pall bearer and spoke. My willfully stoic boy came back and took a couple shots if vodka and collapsed in sobs. He usually drinks to keep his pain at bay. He told me yesterday today I have to drink so I can cry and he dissolved. Oh my boy who shows no emotion, who growing up was the most passionate has an endless well of grief inside. We all do. Watching Keely and Andrew's mom laying on his body sobbing before they closed and lowered the casket was terrible. Forest friend Susan and Keely both lost their two closest and best. Susan was home schooled so when she got to college forest was the only person she knew. Through him she met Andrew and spent years with the two of them. Andrew brought Keely to the mix about 13 years ago. They all moved into the same apt complex. I sometimes feel like I'm in a Hemingway novel where the tragedy continues to heap on the connected characters until you just want to stop reading. 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Jerry is coming home this afternoon. He's  been busy checking off the requirements in order to do so! Thank God for this strong man, husband and father!

[InHeavensKeeping]

Feeling so overwhelmed with life right now. So Sad. Just don't want to feel this massive void  emptiness in my life anymore. I'm trying desperately find the meaning and hold onto that in my life I just keep thinking over and over that James was still here now 1 year, 11 months 27 days . I keep trying to think what he was doing in these last three days.  Why couldn't we change them  it just took a few seconds to run him over. If he had crossed a few seconds earlier the lorry wouldn't of hit him. 

A grieving mum told me to compartmentalise that this does not have to effect every area of my life. I'm trying to follow that but find in my case it does. I been have gloomy tearful days more and more  my life's got harder since Kevin got ill I feel I being punished can't take much more xxx

 

 

 

[daveydow1]

Georgina------thank you for that wonderful writing that you posted. It 

describes, so well, the feelings of emptiness and sorrow that we feel

each day....missing our darlings.  And....it does take so much strength

just to get up and meet another day.  Thanks for sending that lovely song...

"Bridge Over Troubled Waters".......which has always been one of my favorites.

It is so difficult....the days leading up to your James' Angel day, I know.  Thinking

of you and sending prayers for your strength & comfort.  

 

Lora-------thanks for your kind words.  Yes, canning is a part of my summertime

routine each year.  Yesterday was so hot here....90 degrees, and there I am in the

hot kitchen, canning a bushel of tomatoes. Couldn't see them going to waste.

I remember you telling how much you loved your grandmother, and how you

miss her.  I, too, had a wonderful grandmother......she's been gone a long time,

but I still miss her. She taught me so many things in life. Thank you for posting the

pic of your dear Cara's headstone....it's lovely.

 

Dee------the grape juice I canned is really good  (concord grapes), but oh such a

mess to work with........it splashes, and there it leaves a stain.  My clothes....even

apron....has purple spots all over.   Oh well....... it's part of the process, I guess.

Becky and her husband spent a couple days in Chicago recently........they came to

go to a Pearl Jam concert.  Becky bought the tickets a good while ago....Chicago

was the closest place they were appearing, so off they went. (We kept the grandies )

 

Good Night .....to all  Indigos.   wishing you a good night's rest.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

 

[ericasmom]

Gang, I will catch up tomorrow if I can, life is very busy in the heat of third grade right now. I miss  you all however. Georgina, hang on, please. Listen to tthat song a million times, remember, you are a bridge over troubled water for others, and others are that bridge for you, it will one day feel less like daggers of punishment. It is harder now, it won't always be though.

Diane, where are you going to travel for your job?

Becky, so glad your Hubby is the strong man he is.

Sherry, drink a glass of grape juice for me, I ate a quart of concords last week at lunch one day. Love them.

My sweet Son has a friend that he met in Kalamazoo. Thomas. Thomas and his brother were very lovely to Jon and to Eri, and were very supportive of Jon when we lost Erica. Now Tom's brother has lost his little baby in LA last week. It is desperately sad, lost to a drunk driver. http://www.people.com/article/marcus-kowal-goodbye-son-killed-drunk-driver

[tobyfreefoot]

i have not been reading. caught up in my own pain but did click on the link Dee and it was terribly sad. i am coming to a new understanding of the world. still processing it but it is perhaps bleaker but more realistic. the search now is for the will for joy

[Guest]

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[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky....I know you are so relieved to have the surgery over...and the good news is your husband can come home...I do believe we all heal better at home. Now the wait for the results of the lab work. We will wait with you. Please remember to 'self care' and keep all that good work of healing yourself in place.

 

Lora....I have been super...sonic busy. Have been reading and trying to keep up with all my friends...on this site. I do feel as if each of you have brought a rich friendship to my life. We all understand each other. I think the flowers are gorgeous. I so like it when you wrote..'taking care of her'...it breaks our hearts...but we so know what you mean. I have had walls of people around for a long time and like you....I need some time to 'cocoon' and energize my spirit. The only way that can be done is if I can have some alone time. That will not happen for awhile. Our brother-in-law died Saturday morning. We knew this was coming...one blessing is he died at home with his loving family around him. The memorial is tomorrow. I talked to Georgie, his wife, Daniel's oldest sister...and she was doing just fine. She was prepared. There is never a relief when we lose a loved one...but there is a relief when our loved one is not suffering any longer.

Dee...how tragic for that young man. I call it the 'slaughter of the innocents'....it is also tragic that there seems to be no solution. I simply love the way you carry your girl into your classroom and introduce her to your students. So unique...so caring...and letting your young students have that connection. I feel as if you bring a layer of trust between you and them.

Colleen.....when we step foot on this grief journey....we understand that we are not the first parent's to lose and child...and sadly...we will not be the last. Applause for you that you will be able to use your grief. I have found that grief can be a teacher....if we allow it to. Teaching us more empathy..compassion...and consideration. Teaching us what is most important and how to honor our blessings and have gratitude for our smallest blessings. I now take nothing for granted. You will be like a deep well of 'knowing'.....and you will understand that agony and pain.

Georgina....we are here to hear you. Each day. I would like to suggest something for you....since your husband has such health issues...and you said he became very anxious about making plans for the Angel Date...maybe you should try and keep the day quiet with just family and close friends. Someone posted a short video on my FB page...a woman talking about ...'Missing Them but Seeing the ones we have'....I think it is important to honor our lost child/children but not at the expense of the health of our family. Your health is not good at this time...and it is very important that you 'self care'....and bring you and your husband into a healing cycle. Your boy would be the first to say...'Hey Mom...you and Dad hold each other tight and get yourself well'. Or....you could let your daughters and other family  plan something. We all want you to have better health. Becky...our Warrior Mom...will be the first to tell you how grief can manifest it's way to very bad and long lasting health issues. We all understand how this kind of grief can have a strangle hold on every cell of your body. Grief is very exhausting.

Oh Gretchen....I would watch old movies with my Grama...and we coined the phrase..'Bad Day at Black Rock' for having a streaming patch of bad situations...and then there was that scene in 'Forest Gump'....'somedays there just aren't enough rocks'....I see you holding the new baby....how is the family doing now ? I can only imagine walking into the funeral home...again...a dejavu...(sp) experience for all of you. How many times can we hit rock bottom and still get back up ? I looked at the picture of him with his children...beyond sad for that family. Did he have a heart attack ? You say 'the will for joy'....I think I am still in the surviving...and I wish to be thriving. It is like trying to get from 'here to there' without a map.

Sherry....my Grama would be busy canning the bounty from the gardens all summer....I wish I had learned how to do that. I guess I could learn. First I have to learn how to have a garden to grow the vegetables. Her garden was huge. I still don't like to say good-bye to summer.

Well....yesterday I wrote and wrote....then....'something happened' and I lost my whole post....I wish I knew what I did so I would never do that again....this morning I clicked on the reply and voila...the first of my post came up.....I have never had that to happen.

[Mermaid Tears]

Just read the sad news Dee....I think of the parents on this site that has lost a baby/toddler.....and then another child. I guess for those parents they will always have a forever baby....

Dianne....I am glad you will have this job that will keep your mind/hands busy....and I think you may get a change of scenery..and that will be a good thing.

The other day I was talking to someone who described another person as being a Functioning Alcoholic....afterwards I gave it some thought and I think I would describe myself as being a Functioning Deeply Grieving Mama....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

.

[Mermaid Tears]

yes Laurie...the 'helps' we give to one another...even though we are in such a deep well...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

 

[ericasmom]

Thank you Laurie, we find our way sometimes, through listening to the hearts of others...we find out why we are still here.

Dianne, I am deeply impressed by your bravery to fly as you are. I am the biggest chicken I know, and more so after Erz died. I am impressed by your facing your fear and going...my friend Matt loves the area you are traveling to...he will likely move there one day after several visists over the years to see his brother. Just breathtaking.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

I'm so glad that Erica on my shoulder sticking her tongue out will stick with you. " MOMMMMMM"

Love you WOMEN...and the men that used to hang here as well.

 

Peace

[Mermaid Tears]

On 9/8/2016 at 5:28 PM, Jesse David & Taylor Mom said:

.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

I don't know what I just did.....when I posted the 9/8/2016 from Laurie.....has the site 'acted funny' to anyone else ?

[ericasmom]

Sherry private mailed me and said that she is getting a page about subscription, so it is acting up...what's that about?

[Mermaid Tears]

Well...I can only hope we don't have another 'episode' like the last one.....

Dianne.....wow....the majesty of Mother Nature has always...always touched me. The sound of the ocean....wind blowing through pine trees....pastures full of Bluebonnets...even little creeks. I would love to see those mountains one day....although I agree with Dee....it would be a white knuckle trip. What is wrong with your ankles ? I am glad you got this work....and being busy does give us a 'direction' for the day. I have been busier than I like to be...but I am coming into normal busy now. In fact...I was to go to Wharton and visit with my Aunt and cousin..but she isn't feeling well....and it is just like someone plopped a gift in my lap. Daniel is at a poker tournament...and the others are at the A&M game....and I have so enjoyed my time 'alone'.

Yes....we do 'function'....some days better than others....and I have been thinking about 'the Grace of God'.....I think for the Grace of God...I 'function'...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

For you Georgina and Kevin on James' angelversary. Hugs and prayers. (My daughter helped with this design).

 

[TearsInHeaven]

 

x