Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Dee, for the kind words for my little Sue Ann.....this is one of my favorite dog poems by Kipling...'Four Feet'

[tobyfreefoot]

laurie -having just spent time with my new grandson my heart breaks when i see your sweet baby boy. sending lots of love as you go through renewed pain.

susan-so sorry for the loss of your little sue ann. our pets become like family. my husband is going to have his ashes buried out here with his blind poodle daisy. he has never quite gotten over losing her.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thank you Dee, Dianne, Lora, Susan, Becky and Gretchen for your special remembrances for Taylor James. This is the first time I was ever able to put out something for his remembrance other than going to his resting site. Thank you all for the kindness and compassion. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....we all hope you and yours have been given the gift of remembrance for your baby boy..

 

This is something that many have talked about....having one foot in 'before' and another foot in 'after'...

the unbalance a parent can feel is because that is the way we live now...'that was then...this is now'....our minds are traveling at breakneck speeds in going back and forth...it is hard to focus on what 'today' means....what we need to do today....keeping ourselves in the present time is so exhausting.

Thank you, Dee, for the insight. I think the 'theme' of my 4th year...is I don't have a choice. I will have to move forward and carry this grief in the best way I can and be grateful for the Grace of God in giving me the strength...and grateful for the blessings I have.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Laurie  I'm sorry I missed Taylor James Angelversary I saw the picture of him such a cute baby boy.  Xx

Go ahead and mention my child. 
The one that died, you know. 
Don't worry about hurting me further. 
The depth of my pain doesn't show. 
Don't worry about making me cry. 
I'm already crying inside. 
Help me to heal by releasing 
The tears that I try to hide. 
I'm hurt when you just keep silent, 
Pretending he didn't exist. 
I'd rather you mention my child, 
Knowing that he has been missed. 
You asked me how I was doing. 
I say "pretty good" or "fine". 
But healing is something ongoing. 
I feel it will take a lifetime. 

God Bless xxxx



 

[tobyfreefoot]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svru1jNLIK8

one of my favorite musician's 15 year old son fell to his death at the chalk cliffs in brighton uk. this is his first venture into public since then. this  trailer explains well how many of us feel.

yesterday my mom went to the funeral of her next door neighbor's19 year old granddaughter killed in a car accident. maybe sharing that grief will help them both. makes me wonder how jaboa's grandma is.

Laurie--i'm glad you can share your baby boy with us. thank you

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....I watched the video....how we all relate....we are changed...even though the mirror tells a different story...

 

A very emotional week-end.....my daughter and SIL taking Hunter Bear to A & M....there is nothing I can do except love and pet them...I have been there. When Randa went to college...I cried in every corner of the house. It is a milestone for the parents and the son/daughter. It is also a new adventure.

[daveydow1]

Hi to all INDIGOS......I'm a bit behind, but trying to catch up.

 

Baby Taylor  James.........sweet Infant Angel  in  Heaven.  Remembering

your dear innocence and spirit.

Laurie----Thinking of you and wishing you peace.  Thank you for sharing

your sweet darling's picture.  Beautiful little baby boy.

 

Dianne-----Yes....I agree that losing a child at any age is the lonliest and saddest journey

anyone can ever take. Anything else pales in comparison. Only those who have lost 

can truly know the depth of the sorrow that comes with this loss. Sharing the experience,

with those who  understand, can bring a measure of comfort. Those who have not

experienced such a loss may be very sympathetic, but its not possible for them to truly understand. 

 

Georgina-----I, too, often look at the sky.....day or night,  clouds, stars, and moon.

It somehow brings comfort to the longing heart.

 

Lora----I know what you mean about sometimes having to step back from well-meaning

friends or other people who can be a bit too much when we are feeling vulnerable and

in a dark place. We need space on this grief road, and as Dee said....."have  grief to ourselves"

at times. It's just part of the process, and very necessary. Thanks for the lovely song

with such meaningful words.

Dee-----Through your efforts.....bringing changes to make the roadways near the AmTrak  crossings

 safer for everyone.....was a huge accomplishment on your part.  There is  no doubt

that had you not lobbied for the changes, the big company would not have made them.  Companies nearly

always look at their bottom line of profits before considering safety measures.  The news media are

full of examples of how their way of thinking often prevails, until people who will stand up & fight

for the changes that are necessary.

 

Susan------Thanks for all the great pics, screen shots, and poems you post. I agree......"part of our hearts

are in the past, and part in the present."   I always love your posts.....thanks again.

 

PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

   

[Guest]

.

[ericasmom]

Go Hunter Bear, do yourself and the Family proud at your school. Enjoy it and learn something new each day. Susan, you must be so proud. I always grin when you say: pet on them,and I love that you know to take care of the parents of your beloved Hunter as he walks into this next phase, which starts a new phase for your Rhanda and her Husband. you're a good good momma and grammy

[ericasmom]

Hey Sherry, good to see you tonight. Yes, Amtrak would not settle with us but the city of Kalamazoo did, and that settlement was to fix the grade crossings throughout the town or we would not go away...there was a lot of public outcry for the shotty conditions of the grade crossings in that town, the configurations of the access roads along the rail lines...all changed. Thanks Sherry, I have always been happy with this change, Eri's death a big lesson to learn from for towns and villages. Our Angels teach.

Lora, love the pennies at the gravesite... yes, me too-needing my alone time. And yes, I had to walk the other way from a friend of over 40 years some 4 years ago, I just could not take her naricissim, and I felt my spirit heal from being away from her. No more of her up and down adn blaming everyone for her unhappy life...I needed to walk away. I felt guilty but felt so much better so quickly following this action. I will always hope goodness for her, but I can never be in her life again.

[tobyfreefoot]

In memory of a baby I never met. Due on mother's day may 11, 1992 but lost just after Halloween Oct 25, 1991
A baby born after a miscarriage or loss of a baby is referred to as a Rainbow baby. I am forever grateful for beautiful rainbow babies of Family and Friends. Today we remember all babies born sleeping, the ones we've carried but never met, those we've held but couldn't take home, the ones that came home but didn't stay. Make this your status if you or someone you know has suffered the loss of a baby. The majority won't do it, because miscarriage, premature labor, still birth and SIDs is still a taboo subject. Break the silence. In loving memory of all the angels too perfect for earth.
️

[ericasmom]

Beautiful Gretchen, heart wrenchingly beautiful.

Thank you

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...it must be so painful for those that 'lose' that baby...it must be such a silent ...muffled kind of grief they carry. How did you grieve ? Did your family acknowledge the loss ?

Lora...I love your penny story. You brought up a good point to be shared about our grief. One of my daughter's friends came to see us ...this was years before losing John David....she told us about her brother passing when he was in High school and she and her sister were in Jr. High and she told us that her parents simply 'shut down' living.....and that she and her sister never had a normal life after that. Her parents would not celebrate any holiday...they turned their grief into taking his death as so personal...blaming the world, God...life...for taking their son. She told about being so happy to go off to college and being away from them. She and her sister formed their 'own' family...and they are very close and have normal and happy lives...but...her parents still do not 'act normal'....both sisters got counseling. She does hold her parents accountable in not being able to grieve in a healthy way. At the time...I was dumbfounded ....those parents had stripped the little sisters of having a normal life because they lost a child. They sacrificed their daughters. I thought about her story after losing John David. After I joined this site I gained more insight in how other parents handled their grief and their other children. My adult children know that John David was not the only child I love...he is the only child that died.

Sandy....I am so happy to hear that your relationship with your daughter has improved. I do believe each of you need each other. You are wise in not asking 'the why' she pulled away. She may not even be able to verbalize her reaction. Just take this coming together with all your heart and embrace all the good you can. You so deserve some..and many happy days. Some days are better...some not so good....but...I do try very hard to count my blessings when my grief is heavy on my heart.

[tobyfreefoot]

hunter bear?? how'd he get so big??

and no complete silence. except my best friend sent roses and baked cookies.

this girl on the right is forest's best friend since kindergarten. she just got awarded oklahoma city's best bartender lol congrats to her!!

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Georgina and Sherry for the remembrances for Taylor. And for everyone, thanks again for being here. 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen....what a cutie pie....and Bartender, too....I so cherish John David's friends that stay so connected with me and the family. My Randa had 6 miscarriages...we consider Austin, Hunter Bear, Tay and Pibby true miracles. I suffered with her with each one. I reminded her what my Grama said...that Mother Nature would take care of ones 'not right'...now...is that a fact ? Is that true? I have no idea...but that is all I could say/believe to help her through each one.

Randa is taking it pretty hard with the twins off to college. That big house was so full of energy and laughter...now the nest has only one chick left. Pibby is 13 and started 8th grade. We hardly know how to fill the minutes/hours that are now dropped in our lap like vacation days.

The twins when they won 'Little Mr. and Miss Scoop' at the Blue Bell Ice Cream Festival.....them at Port 'A' ...Pibby's first day for 8th grade...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[tobyfreefoot]

my bipolar daughter spends half her time making me feel like i was the worst mother ever which hurts a lot because i always felt that was the only thing i was really good at. forest was the one that expressed absolute adoration for me and he is gone. (he saw himself as being raised by a single mom because i guess  12 years with a verbally emotionally abusive step dad didn't count as a dad0) anyway today she post this on facebook. her daughter has been in preschool for a week lol --  Shout out to my mom for participating in pretty much every school activity all of us ever had. I'm sure it was mostly horrible and crazy and I appreciate it a lot, especially now.  lol

[Mermaid Tears]

Dianne...thank you for sharing....and I do agree that this does not 'fit' with early grief....but each is a way to uplift....I did not join this site til Dec. and it was Dee that gave me the hand up....the 'yes you can'...I was so involved with many community/organizations/ social groups...I volunteered with and I didn't know 'how' to drop out..(excuse me..I want to drop out of the world/life for awhile).....it was so painful for me to 'be there'...and everyone was absolutely kind and had empathy...I have no complaints about how anyone ever treated me....I questioned my wanting to do so for all the women in my family volunteered ALWAYS...but none of the women in my family had ever lost a Beloved Beautiful Boy before. I did drop out...it was the best thing for me to do....I 'cocooned'....I honored my grief, dark days, darker nights and the deep mourning. I have not rejoined any. I do help my friend, Susan, who has been beside me for years....when she calls for my help...I know she really needs me...and she knows she can count on me. It is behind the scenes kind of work. This is how some of us change. I may never go back to all that I use to do. I volunteer for myself now...because no one else can heal me except myself. It takes a lot to time to heal.

Gretchen....I think one of the best ways our children can come to understand the love and sacrifice their parents bestow on them...is to become a parent themselves.

[daveydow1]

Hello to  all   INDIGOS.

Gretchen------Thank you for the beautiful words you posted about those infant

angel darlings , and how one will never forget them.

 

Dianne----Also, thank you for posting the 11 Steps to a More Positive Outlook....

I especially identify with # 9. I know that it is not always easy to escape those

who will sort of pull us down with unwanted advice.....such as "you need to

get on with your life",   which is absolutely no help whatsoever.  But,  we can

take steps to avoid people who pull us down, in favor of being with those who

will lift us up.  All the points are very valid, and worth remembering on this journey.

Peace to you.

Dee------I'm so glad that the city of Kalamazoo was forced into doing something about

the crossings to make them safer, and it has, no doubt,  saved lives.  Our efforts to

make  big truck traffic safer is an on-going uphill climb.  The transportation industry

is very powerful  (and rich).   We do what we can.....writing letters, and contacting

politicians involved in laws trying to work themselves through the slow system.

Must go now and take Advil from a 2-day dental procedure that left me a lot of gum pain.

Yikes......a pain in the pocketbook too.....so expensive....but it had to be done.

 

Lora------- I am sort of a 'loner' too. I know what you mean about letting a friend go.....one that is just too 'high maintainance".

I had one of those too.....One big drama after the another. So exhausting.  She moved far away, and we lost touch.  There were no

arguments or angry words,.....just a sort of natural drifting apart.

 

WISHING ALL INDIGOS PEACE, AND A RESTFUL SLEEP TONIGHT.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

For myself, I have needed to create an away-space from people...perhaps a more meditative/reflective space...for me that has been part of my journey. My mom has also taken this approach. I realize that not all people take that approach, we each will find the things that suit us best -- by accident or intention --

My mom has always told me with reading materials --  or looking for ways to help oneself -- to take away what fits you the most and just leave behind the rest. I have found that to work for me.

Thank you Dianne for posting and for all who find tidbits of helps that may assist someone in their journey.

May you all have a restful evening. 

For all our angels

 

[ericasmom]

Amen Laurie. Love that card.

Dianne, I do think that the advice you posted is great advice. Thanks.

I am beat Folks, setting up a classroom and attending 6 hour meetings for three days in a row is exhausting, but I am excited to meet my students on Monday. I will write tomorrow, must sleep.

 

love you all

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.... I hope you get your batteries recharged for your Monday.....our schools started last Monday....behind every great profession...there is a teacher in the background and foundation.

[ericasmom]

Thanks Susan, we work hard at a profession we love, but boy, I can see how tempting it is to retire. I love teaching but have so much less patience for the bulls---. The administrators crap telling us that they want to hear our voices...no you don't Superintendent...you ignore our voices, and if you ignore ours, just think of how non-existent a child's voice is. Sorry, had to grumble some. The wasted money in any given district on crap, CRAP, when in fact a fixed water fountain, fix the broken counter in a room, how about the steps where they are crumbled on the edges? Those small repairs would show respect to those in the classrooms all day long, kids and teachers alike. Instead they spend thousands to fly in curriculum people to give 6 hour in-service sessions in gymnasiums where the sound is poor and nobody can hear the presenter and therefore, we paid for nothing! ARGH, I see the waste and just shake my head and hold my heart.

Dianne, a great list you presented here,  thank you.

Susan, boy your Kids are so cute, the smiles that glow.

Laurie, me too, find what works for you and move forward, it is like shedding skin, making room in ones own skin by letting go of the cumbersome.

Sherry, oh I am sorry that you had to have dental work, I had some a while back, and boy was it costly! Feel better.

[ericasmom]

I wrote this at around the 3 or 4 year mark in our grief:

    

                                                          The Town of July

                                                            By Dee Conmy

 

 

     It is the last day of July. July is a setting, it is a time and a place for me even now, six years later, and today is the last day of the month that is this place.

A month that is a place, and it takes me by my heartstrings and flies me like a kite. I am subject to the winds and atmospheric zephyrs that happen here, in this town, in this place of July.

     There was a time when it was still simply a time; that July simply followed June and came before the dog days of August. July used to evoke thoughts of packing for vacations, or long days and sometimes evenings too, of the beach or pool- carefree afternoons that seamlessly knitted into night, surprising everyone as the sun began to sink at 8:30. Julys were bright and filled with baseball play-off games and Italian lemonade and laundry hanging on the line, billowing in and out. We pulled on our fresh shirts that had captured the days breeze in its fibers, feeling kissed by the sunshine.

     It was a month that bore blossoms of many colors and kinds; monarda, canna, loosetrife, day lilies of every variety, liatris, and butterfly weed, so many delightful blossoms and with them, dragonflies and butterflies and bees. A buzzing month, a fluttering time. Movement everywhere and deep deep sleep without more than a sheet on those hot summertime nights. It was stay up late and sleeping in kinds of times. Oh those wondrous days!

     But July is a place now, not always as paralyzing and dangerous as it became that year, but certainly it once held that for us. And in its dangerous days, July became a place that found me sleeping on the floors of the Trauma Center praying wildly until my body and mind shut down out of pure necessity in order to face the next day, and the days ahead.

     Those days required us to live under a roof of hope and floors of reality, finding a place to breathe somewhere in between, the middle world. We lived with feet in two worlds. We lived in a locale of loss at the end of the tunnel and the space of each day leading us there, was jam packed with well loved people with worn- thin belief systems. We lived in our shared stories and tears that made salt rivers in our lives. We lived in candlelight vigils and songs of undying devotion while we gathered in small groups around the bed of the Girl who Was Soon To Leave.

     Up and down the long hallway everyday for 6 days, escorting tearful groups to her side, some sang songs, while others murmured prayers and hopes and still others painted the Girl's toenails pink. I kept wondering if she knew, did she know? I saw her as a tiny Tinkerbell on the bedside next to all the beeps and measures of the machines that said she was dying.

     She sat there letting me know that she had to go, she couldn't stay in the brokenness that lie in the bed. She understood.

We lived in this dangerous place called July and signed papers allowing this Girl to be cast free, to be untethered from so many monitors and measures, we signed papers that granted her wishes to lend other the gifts of her body, the shell that could no longer serve her.

     It was an incredibly difficult dark place to live, that old town of July and that first year or two I felt I was almost always in July's hold. No matter the calendar page, we were walking the streets and alleys of a town that changed us all. So many broken pieces littered these streets. Would I ever gather them up and rebuild?

     Later, July's dark hold relented and we learned to leave its boundaries to wander a bit further from its hold each year. We knew that we could make more room in our memories if we let some of the fears go. We did learn to adapt and go forward.

     Certainly there were revisits, days that out of nowhere changed from sunny and snowy back to the setting of July, and I was flattened by these surprise shifts in pressure. I learned to go along with them though when they popped in. I quit fighting against the current finding instead that there were nuggets of gold to be lifted from these sudden visits. Shiny lessons of hope and life that have made our lives more tender and while sad, these lessons have helped us see that we are bigger than we once were, part of a much larger time and place.

     Now I approach July each year knowing that I will be transported somehow to a time and a place that is of broken hearts, where memories are scratched in on the walls that surround me, like cave drawings of a long ago time. The pace in the days makes time a non-issue. Even the light is different, and there is a drain on my heart, my soul. But it is there that I know the beauty that I hold deep inside my spirit, the purity of the connection, the easy love that bounced between us, the unspoken devotion, the innate bond, all with me, all with her. There is nothing easy about grief or mourning but there is this knowledge that we will always be connected, I will always be Her Momma. Nothing, not July or any other time can take that away and so finally I walk with my grief tucked next to my joy, a place that houses both.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...I have never read that story....I hold your poems very close....I feel as if we are in some ways...a kinship...

I needed to cry...for a week the tears have been held in check...I am thinking of all the shopping....list making...packing...shoving...in getting our big babies where they need to be....slowly opening that hand to let them walk into their future/adventure....most of all the TLC my daughter needs for this shift/transistion....she will be ok...but she is very emotional. She left the High School football game last night at half time...tears started flowing...and she came to me.

Your story touched me on every Mother Molecule I have....

[daveydow1]

Dee------thank you for posting "The Town of July".  What a wonderful writing. The words, I'm sure,

can resonate with each one of us here at BI, in ways that are the same, and ways that are different

for each of us.  But all in all,  the words bring tears, and comfort too.  Your writing is a gift.

PEACE TO ALL  INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[ericasmom]

Well thank you Ladies, I wrote that story in 2005 or 6 and each year that I looked at it, I would change the number...now 6 years later, now 9 years later, and now 13 years later. Hard to believe. I put the self portrait of Erica up in the spot I place it each year, along with her prayer card and a packet of forget me-not seeds, and a card that says: I CAME TO LIVE MY LIFE OUT LOUD! a few other Erica trinkets. I introduce her, through her story to my students on that first day. I don't mention the train, but tell them that she died in an accident. Thank you for reading my old story. I have written many stories along with my poems. Writing helps me sort through the ashes.

Peaceful night to you EACH

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, such a deep and spiritual writing...it summarizes for me the months of August and October. But we will always be their Mommas, always.

[ericasmom]

Yes Laurie, and thankfully, nothing in the world can take that away. Glad that my story touches others because while all of our stories are different, the universal theme of love of Child, loss are the same. We will always know our Child, them us, and we will forever hold them in our heart of hearts; our soul.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, do you mind if I share your writing with some other bereaved moms? It really was a powerful piece.

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Hello all, haven't been on in a while. I got some horrible news this morning and just asking for prayers and strength.  I was told this morning that my mom may only have a yr left with me.  They found a 6×4 centimeter mass on her right lung and also her liver and lymphoid around her esophagus.  I'm trying to cope with the loss of Ricky and now my mom.  I feel like I'm at my breaking point.  Ricky's birthday is coming up next month too. God plz give me strength!!!

My heart goes out to all of you here.  

Peace and Love to all! 

Ricky's mom, Wendy

[Mermaid Tears]

Wendy....so sorry to hear ....so many parents on this site have to deal with so many challenging situations and circumstances and deal with their heavy grief...it is simply beyond sad. We are here to hear you. How old is your Mom ? Does she live near you or far away ? I do hope you will 'self care' and not let fear take control. We will all say prayers for you.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi I'm coping with so much at the moment Kevin was rushed back into hospital last night he's OK they've given us a spray to control the pain in his chest now in the case of an emergency but it's so scary.  I don't know what I'd do if I lost him I couldn't cope on my own. 

The doctor said its the stress and anxiety that's causing it he got so upset talking about the anniversary on the 11th.  I don't know how to make things better. He's got to rest and take it easy which is vertically impossible because he wants to help as he says I look so worn out. 

I had to go to the meeting with Police on my own on Thursday.  It was hard go over everything sitting there listening to their lies, I was absolutely shocked, I used to look up to the police I never understood how corrupt they can be. 

Im missing James so much reliving every moment leading up to that day. Flash backs so much association and thinking he was here just two years ago and what we were doing. 

So sorry to go on I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you all.  I read your posts every night, such a comfort. Thankyou all God Bless xxx

i thought I'd share this wait for the second song, he wrote it for his brother.

Hugs Georgina x

 

 

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dianne it means so much to me.. I'm trying so hard as I know we all are as grieving parents.  i don't feel strong as I let everything get me down I have so much to be grateful for still in my life I hope I'm not becoming bitter I want to do something good in James's name but theirs never any time there's always something else .

Thank you Dianne xxx G xxx

[ericasmom]

Laurie, Please feel free to share my writing with others, I would be happy to think that it may help others get closer to what they are going through. Sometimes, others give us the words to explain what we are doing.

 

Peace to you

[tobyfreefoot]

 forest's best friend andrew was just found dead in his house in houston. his wife keely and 2 little kids were here visiting her mom.

[tobyfreefoot]

male friend i should say. i cannot believe this has happened

 

[ericasmom]

Oh Gretchen...I am so very sorry. I am so sad for you and for his family and all the friends again dealing with so great a loss. I know that if Forest loved him, he must have been a stellar guy. Any word on why/how he died? Oh deep prayers.

Wendy, prayers for you too, for your Momma. How old a woman is she? Are there treatments the doctors want to try or do they feel this is not to be treated? What are your Mom's spirits like? Many parents here over the years have had similar kinds of double losses. All we can do is surround you with your hearts and send you healing thoughts. Yes, breaking point, but no, you are still here so even if you break, we all break some, we find our pieces and do what we can to cobble our lives to live them as best we can.

Georgina, more prayers tonight for you and your husband. Back in the hospital...I hope that they can find ways to help him regulate his heart. But those wounds of loss are not the kind that they can see to fix are they? They are deeply embedded, our lives so very turned upside down, and inside out. The anniversary is coming and no matter what, it comes and we suffer through it, we weep uncountable tears, we make rivers in the sand, we feel ourselves dissolve, but then we wake up on a new day...anyway. As long as we are here, we have some light to stand in...our Child's light.

[tobyfreefoot]

that photo of them together was taken a month before forest died. his wife is also one of forest's close friends. she and andrew's little girls are 30 mos and 8 mos.forest brought them together. andrew's mom saw him yesterday. keely couldn't reach him so she called his mom to go check on him. he was dead on the playroom floor. the grave i have so often longed for next to forest i just offered his family. he is an only child.i don't know if they want it but it seems fitting to me to put forest and his best friend so young together forever

[ericasmom]

Wow. Just wow. Your generous and broken heart Gretchen, I am holding you.

[adam's mum]

You are all so kind and caring and I'm just so angry. Angry at everyone. It was my birthday last week and people who never sent me a card suddenly started sending flowers asking to come and see me. Why???.Where have they been? Don't they know I don't care about my birthday. i want them to care about Adam but they don't. I get angry and then I feel guilty, then I'm angry again..

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Gretchen, I am so very sorry to hear about Forest's friend. So very sad. Sending hugs and love to you.

You know, we felt when we lost our kids that nothing could hurt us again, because we already suffered the worst possible thing that could ever happen. But then when there is illness or another loss, it just feels overwhelming. My son in 2011, then my dad in 2015, my own illness shortly after reaching an impasse in our quest for justice, and now my husband, the strong one. Whom I depend on greatly, has a tumor on his kidney, surgery set for Sept. 6th. He started peeing  blood when we were working on tree trimming back in July, and I made him an appointment with a urologist, even though he didn't feel bad at all. I just pray it will prove to be benign. His mother and one sister both died of cancer at middle age, and we are both now in our 60's so health issues are a concern for sure.

Here is a "rasta" table I painted in our backyard as a place to put the memory stones we painted at Jared's  last birthday celebration here this past April. I will take another pic when we finish mounting the stones. We had intended to put the stones at the cemetery, but since someone stole headphones that were by Jared's marker and a candle that we would light for him when we visited, we have had 2nd thoughts about putting these memory stones there. I don't think I can take another theft. It just is so wrong!

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Gretchen so sorry to hear about Forests friend. I have bad news too a friend of James's apparently took his own life yesterday.  He had four young children and had recently split up from his wife. I just can't believe it I've offered a friendly hand to his parents who I knew very well when they were young.  I don't know how else to help. I'm feeling very panicked. That sick dread feeling but I want to be like you all and support them. 

Xxx