Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Great quote Georgina...and Lord knows that grief needs to be allowed and respected. How are you feeling? Are you responding to the meds being given for the bacterial infection? Shannon, what lovely news that is. Happy Birthday by the way, did you say 40? I remember 40. Well, I am sure that Trista is singing her favorite songs to you, strumming the guitar perhaps or a mandolin, which I can picture her playing. Let us know the particulars of this beautiful Boy coming into your lives. Dianne, what kind of writing do you do? Fiction, non fiction? Poetry? Short Stories? Wendy how are you today? Gretchen? Leah? Sherry? Lora? Sandy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ricky's mom , Wendy Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Thanks for all the support. I do read all the post on here just not able to always reply. My heart goes out to everyone here and I think of you all daily. I had a Dr's appt today with a new psych Dr and just my luck their computers were down and I had to tell my story again. That drained me pretty hard. They put me on 2 new meds and strongly suggested therapy but I just can't afford it. Talking to my daughter is not an option. She has blocked me in every way. I can't take her emotional abuse at this time. I know she is grieving as well and I just need to give her time. My other son doesn't talk to me much either. I really don't have anyone I can talk to. I've lost what few friends I had. Spent time at Ricky's cross yesterday and mowed around it. Took him balloons and a flag for the fourth. I've pretty much gotten to the point of just faking I'm ok. I haven't been able to work on the quilt at all cause cutting up his clothes is just too much to handle right now. Been doing a lot of crying this week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Shannon....what a 'coincidence' with the baby born on your birthday....I think he is really heaven sent....I so remember turning 40....a huge party....my first grandchild was born when I was 47.....it is a sacred feeling to hold your baby's baby.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Georgina.....how long were you in the hospital ? What a nasty infection....do they have it in control ? Health issues seem to become so much harder to bear when one is in deep mourning. Wendy....it does seem as if you are on your own 'island' ....am so sorry about the family issues but many on this site have had some very bad situations with their family and had to carry the dark weight of grief. You come here and talk and talk as much as you like. We are here to hear you. As for the family....sometimes it is best to 'let them go'....for awhile. You have no control over your adult children and if they have decided to walk away...for whatever reasons they have...just wish them well and put all your time/attention/care on YOURSELF. You will only make matters worse if you spend your precious time in attempting them to change their mind. I strongly believe in turning the light on yourself to gain even a sliver of healing. I suggest you walk and walk everyday. Two times a day is best....in the morning and evening. This is not a cure all but will bring you out in Mother Nature and exercise has always been very beneficial in helping clear the cobwebs from the mind fog that grief brings. When we are in the grips of grief we don't think right...walk/talk/eat/sleep right....and that is why we always tell parents to 'self care'....and only you can do this for yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Shannon---Know what you mean about feeling a bit sad & lonely. I hope that you and the boys enjoyed the fireworks. Susan-----Thanks for the lovely pics.....you always post such great photos. Dianne-----Hoping that you will again have the inspiration to write. I do know how the sorrow of losing a beloved child can set one back so much on creative efforts.......even everyday things to do. Peace to you. FOREST..........SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU....AN ANGEL IN HEAVEN. Georgina-----Sending prayers that you are feeling better now. Dee-----So dry here. We need rain. Crops are getting dry, but still holding on. Flowers need watering regularly. Maybe there will be some rain soon....I hope so. How is your garden faring? Wendy----Yes, one needs the incentive to take on projects like making the quilt, and the task can somehow seem too daunting to start. I guess that maybe we try to do too much too soon. Just be kind to yourself, maybe step back a little, and just let things "rest". It all takes time, and each grieving person must go at their own speed. No real guidelines for timelines. Take care, and peace to you. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS Davey&Lisasmom, sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Sherry you speak the truth, the truth that we all live, it all takes time. One needn't hold a timer to their grief, grief is everyone's own journey. Nobody else gets to determine our path. Sherry, we had a huge storm last night and it is quite muggy and HOT today but it is all watered by nature. It has been dry here too, so it was a welcome though loud and lightning filled night. We have had to water a great deal, and I have the school garden to tend as well, so it is nice today to not have to go there to take care of the veggies. We have tomatoes big and still green on the garden here, and we have crook neck yellow squash here as well that we have already enjoyed. Banana peppers are ready. It is a joy to cook what one has grown. I think the storms are headed out to you, I hope so anyhow. How cool Dianne that you wrote fiction. It's funny, I can't write fiction except for kids, and mostly I have written some kids stories, but never sent any in to see if anyone would like them to publish...I write a lot of poetry, I write some memoir pieces as well. I have Tear Soup as well. I read a lot of ficition and memoir that has to do with loss. Name All the Animals is memoir that reads like fiction, about a young man who is killed, Paula and The Sum of Our Days both written by Isabelle Allende' about her own daughter who died. Three Dog Life is memoir by Abigail ? about losing her husband. But the fiction I read always has a twist of loss in it. It is what I can best align myself to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Susan, I love that picture. I haven't gotten to hold my new (and only...) step-grandson yet. Although you can bet I'm planning a trip asap. I've gotten lots of pics though. This is Jaxson Lee... I agree with walking or simply being outdoors as much as possible. I remember that same feeling. I felt like I just couldn't breathe indoors. It was June so I could be out all day and my little one wanted to be out too. I dozed off some nights on the deck with a cup of tea in hand... putting off going inside as long as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Hi Dee I'm getting there still very sore from the surgery still got the infection just had bloods done again to try and see what's going on Susan I was in hospital for just two says but I have to go back in in a month to have another operation I'm just so scared that my right Kidney is failing I had a partial naphrectomy ( removal of part of the kidney ) in 2006. My health is definitely suffering I'm feeling so completely worn out so exhausted all the time I had a real melt down today just went to pieces I had been over to baby Peters grave then straight over to James's and it dawned on me the enormity of it all all he whys and what if's came flooding back. Thankyou Sherry xx Shannon she's absolutely beautiful What an angel xx (Written by another grieving mum I thought I would share it just so true. ) Grief from child loss is so tricky. One minute we can think we have our emotions in control -- and within seconds something happens and we totally lose it. We find ourselves sobbing and wanting to crawl in a hole and never come out. That's not being crazy -- it's called the emotional roller coaster of grief. We never know what emotion is going to hit when. Losing a child is so complex!! Others will never begin to understand the complexity of losing a child. Child loss is a bundle of so many different losses -- the loss of our child, loss of purpose, loss of the future, loss of our innocence in life, loss of identity and on and on it goes. No wonder our emotions are all over the place and constantly changing!!! Losing a child is so painful on so many different levels!!! God Bless Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted July 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Me and Jared in 2008, saying our goodbyes to a boxer boy we had raised and kept for his first three years, then gave to a friend as we had decided not to use him, "Splash" in our breeding program. In this picture, Splash was 10 years old and the owners knew he didn't have much longer. Jared was 12 in this pic. He was 2 when Splash was born. They were great playmates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Welcome to the World Jaxson Lee. What a beauty you are. Goodness knows that your Auntie Tris looked in on you first, before anyone else. Shannon, enjoy this precious Boy. Georgina, goodness, grief can take so much from us, if our health was already compromised, we find it weakens it further...melting down is necessary but perhaps not pushing yourself so much emotionally right now, visiting both graves today when you were just recently released from the hospital might be too too much. Your body/mind need rest. Please lay down and read a magazine or book for a while tomorrow and only make small short trips around the block for exercise. Just give yourself the time needed. Becky, great photo during happier times. God bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Becky.....I have such gratitude now for our priceless photos....thanks for sharing that happy day/time/precious memory with us... Shannon....he is a beautiful boy....is the family near/far from you. Your boys will get such a life experience being the 'older' ones...I do believe your grief journey will be extended....or....you will need to re-visit those early days....your 'life situation' was so volatile and extremely bad/sad when your Trista left this earth home...and you were put in a 'survivor mode' for yourself and your boys...now that you and the boys are in a safe place...you can revisit that early grief...and you are due it....and you owe it to yourself to grieve deeply in peace. It is almost like Laurie who can now backtrack and grieve deeply and openly for her Taylor...after losing Jesse David....she realized she listened to all around her telling her to 'move on'....and that was not the healthy way to grieve the loss of a child. Take all the time you need....many on this site remember how extremely chaotic your situation/circumstance was. Many on this site do understand how betrayed one can feel with the actions or no actions from family and friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Georgina....I so agree with Dee....for your situation with many health issues....and you are only getting weaker and weaker....maybe focus more on YOURSELF. We do understand how dark and raw grief can become but there comes a time when you must look in the mirror and come to terms with reality in that your health is in your hands. You need to care for yourself just as you would care for a very sick loved one. We all know that we can't put grief on a shelf...and there it stays til we want to hold it again. This grief is 24/7.....but we can learn to manage it in a way that it doesn't destroy our lives and our other children/family. Many on this site can offer their ways of coping. I think I would suggest what Dee has said....to rest...put your feet up....get a paper and pen and write and write and write it all down...what is in your head and heart. I would suspect your family is very worried and anxious for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christle Posted July 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Tomorrow will mark 2 months since my son was shot and killed. The sadness overwhelms me along with guilt and anger and so many other emotions. He would have been 18 on Aug 2 but he will never meet that milestone... a realization I've not come to terms with yet. I go through each day and put on my happy face for my younger child and my husband but inside I feel like an empty shell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Thank you Dee and Susan. Your right I know you are but its hard to take a step back from grief. I think I'm on the mend. I'm going to have to be on antibiotics for six months to control this infection once they get it under control. We are traveling up to see our solictor this weekend. You know I told you he's helping us for free at the moment so we have to fit in when he's got a slot. It's a long journey 4 hours each way but it's worth it to get some justice for our child. I do feel uplifted if that makes any sense because it feels like we're moving slightly forward which helps. Susan thank you for sharing the pics. My local priest phoned me tonight to check on a mass time that is being said in James,s name on his Angelversary . He was so kind and wanted to help. He said the only thing he knows for certain is that I will see James and Peter again and that they are safe in Gods care. He wants to see me because he feels I've lost hope. My faith is really being tested because I feel so let down by God I can't understand why he's taken two Sons . thank you both for your caring words and support it means such a lot to me and ill try to follow your advice. God Bless Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 7, 2016 Christle I am so sorry for your loss. You have found a forum where we have all walked in your shoes and have an understanding of the place you find yourself in. People here will listen and share and you will find hope. I can relate to your feeling of being an empty shell. I also lost my son 22 months ago tragically and suddenly he was knocked over and killed whilst crossing the road by a 32 ton speeding fully loaded lorry. I also lost my baby Boy Peter. Please come back and tell us about your Son. God Bless to you Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Christie, my goodness this grief is new for you and empty shell and putting on a face for the others in your life is pretty much what so many of us have had to do. Is your Husband also putting on a face for you and your younger one? Is therapy something you can do as a family in loss? Such complete sadness that someone took your Son's life...I am very sorry. Is the perpetrator caught? Do you have to deal with court and lawyers? We are here, many of us like myself, for a long while. Sherry and I have been here for 13 years...my Girl died at age 19 when a train at a broken grade crossing slammed her car...13 years ago tomorrow. She died 6 days later. Please come back and read and tell us what you can when you can. You found us, this is a good sign that you are seeking assistance and that my Dear, means you are taking steps and putting energy into LIFE. I know that it is draining, it is the hardest thing you ever have had to do...we are going to help. Do not worry about remembering our names at this time, eventually you will and we are never offended if someone doesn't know one from the other. The point here is to hang on to all of us, we are hanging on to you. Georgian, I do so hope that this weekend you and your Husband find some forward movement with the lawyer. You must take extra care now of your body, so that your body can hold you up in all that you face. My thinking about GOD taking your two Sons...he does not take our Kids, God provides a home for our Kids when they leave this place. No God that I believe in would allow our Kids to die in the ways they did...God cannot prevent circumstances, but provide the next place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Christle, I'm so so sorry for the loss of your son. You have found a good place here... full of so much understanding and compassion. I know that feeling of needing to smile and try to be 'ok' for others. My Boys were only 3 and 14 when I lost my Daughter, Trista, three years ago. She was a passenger in a friends car when they were hit by a tanker truck. Please read through the posts. Tell us more about you Son as your able. We are all here to hear you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Susan, Yes... I think there might be something to what he's saying about going through so much right after my loss, and now that things have settled... revisiting those early days. Not that there is any timeline at all... but circumstances during our grief could certainly effect how we grieve. I can say... as hard as things were... going through the 'breakdown' and additional loss of everything during that time... I couldn't have gone on as things were. It brought me to this place where I can finally rest and have that space and peace that I was praying for daily. I also see how for those who have had losses and were 'pushed through' their grief... are finally opened up to all of it. I felt that in a way when after losing Trista, I could finally grieve for my first husband. I had been so young. Just pushed forward for the kids. I definitely had no friends who had been widowed. It just doesn't happen at such a young age. I had written something before about the 'floodgates of grief' about how a loss like this... of my baby... my Girl... seemed to rip me open to my core... exposing all those all wounds that had never really healed but I'd simply bandaged and moved on. Becky... I love that picture... such happy times. The dog, Splash is beautiful. I'm a boxer person. They're all I've ever owned... except for Tazzy... Trista's Pomeranian. Right now, we have him and my rescue, Colt... a boxer mix. Trista's dog, Brittany, was the last 'full' boxer we owned. We had her for 10 years. She was the best dog ever. Georgina, Wishing you healing and rest. I'm sure the travel to the attorney and just the reason for being there must be draining. I'm hoping for some down time for you to rest and get better. Thinking of all today and sending wishes for a peaceful weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christle Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Thank you all for your warm welcome. My son and husband both are quiet about the whole thing. My 15 year old doesn't want to talk about it at all. but he will hold my hand and sit quietly with me while I cry. My husband will talk and listen but I don't want to be a burden to them. I want their lives to be happy and long. My son had issues...he was bipolar with manic episodes more often than not and he refused medication and he lived his life the way he wanted. He refused to go to school and conform to the rules of society so I let him do his own thing, so to speak. Because of that he was happy for the most part and he was always looking for that human interaction. I only got to see him about 2 or 3 times a week. He stayed with friends a lot and wasn't receptive to restrictions. I know some would say that I wasn't raising him right by letting him do what he wanted but honestly, it was the only way to live with him and keep him happy. Because of his freedom, he met so many people and touched so many lives that I had no idea. The day he died he posted on his facebook account "Momma I'm sorry I as so bad grown up but we made it out alive so thank go". It's almost like he lived his whole life preparing for this and he knew something we didn't. He and two other kids went to an old road so that one of the kids could sell some other kids some pot. The kids that they met had guns and held a gun to the girl in the car's head so my son jumped up and tried to protect her. When he did the kid shot him in the right shoulder and it went through and perforated his heart. They say he died quickly but I know he took a couple steps after he was shot. I beat myself up wondering what went through his mind at that point. But he died a HERO. That matters to me. That helps me know that I raised him right. He was a beautiful soul. Since that day, I can't even count all the people who have come to me and told me that they interacted with him and how wonderful he was. He was my pain in the ass but to others, he was a good kid with a heart of gold. And that was the parents saying that. Kids have come out of the woodwork that I had no idea he even knew. I had a celebration of his life at a local park and had balloons so everyone could write on them and let them go. I didn't advertise as you can imagine the local news stations would have swarmed us but just by word of mouth, so many kids came that I don't think we even had enough balloons and we had 100. And they were all kids who looked like they struggled with life. Like they didn't belong anywhere. But they all belonged together. They've all friended me on social media and send me messages regularly to check on me. They don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, as the old saying goes. But they all have love and kindness in their hearts. I know this may seem like rambling but I feel like writing is one of the few outlets I have right now. The 17 year old who shot my son was arrested and he has been charged as an adult with robbery with a firearm and 2nd degree murder. Oddly enough, I'm sad for him and for his family. They have a long road ahead of them and he will most likely spend the rest of his life in prison and the parents will have many of the same hardships that I do without the definitive closure. Thank you all for reading and "listening". Sometimes it just helps to say what is trapped in my head and heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ricky's mom , Wendy Posted July 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 8, 2016 Christie...I'm so sorry for your recent loss. I too recently lost my son on April 15 this year. You have come to the right place for support. You can be mad, sad, angry, hurt or whatever here, we all understand. Take each day one day at a time. This is a roller coaster of a ride. I too have heard things about my son I didn't know and it comforts me to know the lives he touched. My other children don't accept their brother is gone and don't talk about it, so I too feel alone. As everyone here will tell you, give them time. It is hard but so true. Be kind to yourself and seek all the help you can find. Some days will be good but others you will feel like giving up. Don't! Come here and talk! God Bless you! Thoughts and prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shannon-Trista'sMom Posted July 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Dee, I'm holding you snd Erica in my thoughts in the days ahead. I'm sure these days are sacred. Christie, Thank you for sharing more of your story and Jonthomas' life with us. He has such kind eyes in the pictures you shared. I'm glad those whose lives he touched are reaching out to you. Those stories are so good to hear. Those who struggle so much can touch so many lives. My Trista struggled with anxiety and depression. Her friends shared with me how she helped them. Each one saying she was their Angel. She had the oddest group of friends. Even her school counselor said she never would have put these girls together. Their only thing in common being Trista. Please keep coming and sharing when you can. Your grief is so new. We've all stood were you do now. When I lost Tris she was 17. It was just 20 days before her 18th birthday. My oldest son was just 14. He didn't open to me me a lot about his grief. He talked to me about Sis in everyday terms. She would love this or hate that or remember when... but never about the loss. He would watch over me and sit with me... much like your son. I wondered if it was him holding back for my sake... trying to take care of mom. I think it's just his way. He still talks about Tris in the everyday way. I'm sitting by the fire tonight. Aiden insisted I start one. Then as soon as it was lit he fell asleep on the couch on the deck. I guess maybe he knew I needed it. It's a gorgeous night and I've been really tired. June is my hard month. Now I'm ready to rest. I realized I hadn't posted an update about my Liam. He's doing great with the other goats but I still bring him up to the house to hang out. He's for sure part of the family. Here's a pic of Aiden and Liam playing on the front porch. And a pic of my favorite little sleepy head. Followed by some of my favorite pics of Tris and Aiden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 I love all of your photos Shannon, and yes, thanks, these are the sacred days, the holy days. I went to the cemetery today with some pink carnations and a pink balloon, sat there alone and just sent my love and messages into the ground and the trees around me. Erica My Sweet, how I miss your laugh and your big hands to hold. Christie, your Boy Johnthomas is so handsome. What a sweetie. I am glad that folks have reached out to you to let you now how special he was in their lives. I know others may not have agreed with how your raised your Son, but it was not up to them to say so, who asked? We raise the Kids the best way we know how to do according to who they are. I am glad that you see the hero in your Boy, the fact that he was protecting that young lady...Brave Boy, standing up for what is right and just. Thank you for sharing yur Boy with us, we will continue to hold onto your hands and heart. You come here and talk whenever you can...it is not rambling, it is finding your steps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Christie....I don't have much time now....but am very moved and touched by your son's story....such a beautiful name...Jonthomas...I am from Texas and we have many double names....my son is John David....not John....but John David....I will post more later....this has been a very busy week....in the meantime... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 9, 2016 Shannon, looking again at the photos and laughing along with Aidan and the goat...such joy. You helped him find joy again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2016 Wendy, I hope you know that seeing your post to another New Parent here is heart warming...I remember the first time I wrote to a parent as they came to this site after me...I remember the way it felt to let someone know that they had arrived at the right place. Outreach is one of the biggest reasons that we find healing. Good to see you today, how are you doing? Gretchen, your last post was a few weeks back and you were very depressed...love to know that you are out there finding your way. Sandy, how are you these days? Leah? Is your health improving any? You were pretty sad the last time we heard from you so please let us know how you are. Colleen? How is the Family? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2016 After so violent a week, I pray for peace, on our land and in all the lands. I pray for unity, that all shades of people find ways to see that we really need to walk the same streets, share the same schools, that we need to see our human-ness before anything else. Please God, help us be much better stewards of your LOVE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 10, 2016 Dianne, I think that when she can, she will talk with you, but becoming a mom and seeing what a Mom goes through with grief feels too close for comfort. As a sister, she has lost the witness to her youth, now as a Mom, her heightened sense of protection have been further challenged with loss. In time, she may be able to converse about the process she has gone through, and share that with you. The fact that she has grief books is very good, she is learning and reaching out to learn about what she is dealing with. Your Three Year Old is BEAUTIFUL...just charming as can be with that big smile and polka dot shoes. My goodness, she has 300 times the hair that my Three Year Old Grandy has. Lovely. She is tall like my Girl too. I am so glad that you were able to go, that you handled the elevation too. I know it must have been hard to leave. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted July 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Dee.. thank you for worrying about me... I know I should post more often but words don't come. I do think of you often and your angel.. You are so inspiring to everybody on this site. I think of all of the angels. At night I sit and watch the night skies.. and when the moon is at its brightest, remembering when JaBoa first passed and Sena and my boy telling me that she was on the moon... dancing.. with lots of other angels... so I watch it... wanting so bad to get a glimpse... wish I had a childs heart so I could see. This morning is a year since mom passed, it has been a hard road. I hear her voice so often.. makes me feel out of control at times. I have so enjoyed the pictures posted here. I just don't have a lot to say. I read everyone, and continue to hold you all in my heart. My health is still poor. I have my application for Social security benefits, not able to work. I am still being treated for everything.. CHF, COPD.. all of what mom had. Now they found something on my liver and it is more testing. Just kind of tired. My insomnia is kicked in terrible. My lung dr wants me to have a sleep study.. I finally got expanded Medicaid so I guess I will see what is up. The heat makes my breathing so tough I just go on anymore... making it one more day. I have also had to stop driving, at least anything in town. I get severe dizzy spells at red lights. Not sure what this is, but I know I have to share it with the doctor. I just don't want to lose my driving privileges.. so I hope it works itself out. My marriage is still at separation stage. I want to file for the divorce to be done with it. I just am not ready to give up on our son. I can't walk out on him and right now, I am allowed to live at the house and take care of him. It isn't much of a life, but being with my not so little guy keeps me wanting to go on. This site continues to grow with newcomers.. I hold them in my heart as they start this journey... all I can share is how important it is to take care of yourselves... health can be fleeting. we might not think things will happen to us.. but they do... and our angels really don't want it to be that way.. so take care... be kind to yourselves the best thing you can do for your angel Bless you all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Dianne....wow....your GRANDdaughter looks like a poster child for 'Happy'.....love those pony tails....so glad you got to visit...has your daughter and SIL heard anything about when they may move closer to you ? I think our other adult children don't/won't talk is simply because they just don't know how. I am sure they are scared of opening up a waterfall of sorrow, tears and more grief. I am sure they have their own deep grief and mourning episodes...they question the Universe....all that should be normal...but is now abnormal. I am sure they grope their way in this world where their brother/sister no longer walks the earth home. I am 'now' able to offer up a thought..memory...of John David and not get that strangle of tears in my voice. Of course...I know now when I have balance. If I don't have that balance...I don't trust myself to bring it up...and start a crying jag. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Leah.....you do have many health issues....but it sounds as if you are in good hands....grief can really break down a person's immune system...and when that is broken....many health/mental issues can come in the front door...and stay. What I have learned is that you can have the best Doctors...Health system in the world...but if you are not a partner with them...it doesn't really work for your good. You must be your own best physician and do all you can to strengthen and support your immune system....even baby steps in the right direction can bring about great results. Drinking lots of fluids...eating the right food...and moving...even slow motion exercises can bolster your immune system. Insomnia is my 'best friend'....I so understand. Insomnia was the worst result of my grief. I finally bought a treadmill for my house and I walk on it....my insomnia is 'better' but I will take 'better' than none at all. I have learned that not one...but many factors contribute to my insomnia....my thoughts during the day...the memories that come...and the yearning. We all have to learn the best ways we can cope...our hearts will never heal....but we can survive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Shannon....thanks for sharing those photos....I think the photo of Trista and Aiden swinging is one of my favorites..but after our child dies...every photo becomes a favorite. I applaud you for giving your boys another path on this grief journey...one of living out loud and in real color. They are thriving...instead of just surviving. We also know that making all this work for the good was done with a very sad and sorrowful heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 Dee.... I am thinking of you....I hope all the plans go well for the Erifeast and that the weather cooperates. I so remember your story of the 'shaft of light'...how it touched me...in my first year on the grief journey. It gave me such great hope that my boy would also let me know he was 'there'....then I had my visitation dream....it was so stunning and sacred. I knew my boy was just fine. I am getting to the place of having a handle on my balance...and will contact a medium...I am not there yet. I will know when the time is right. You have given me a blanket of compassion, support and caring. You let me know that I could survive this kind of grief. You gave me hope. You still give me all those things I need on a daily basis. Thank you for staying on this site for ever so long. We still need you.I think what Anne says....says it all for all of us. Thank you for not being nuts on the same day I was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 11, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 My dear friends, No matter how long Brian has been gone (8 years), his birthday is still the toughest day of the year for me. Today, my Brian would have been 25. For us, Brian is forever 16. Usually, I am able to go about my business with just a few sad interruptions. However, today, I cannot stop the tears from flowing. It is just unbelievable for me that my son is dead. I am still in utter dis-belief on where my life is now. Thanks to all my friends on this site who have given me hope. Happy Birthday Brian, To put my grief into words, would bankrupt the vocabulary of all the languages. Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Colleen....what I have learned on my grief journey is that I have 'marker days'....that only I can hold sacred....once again...the small things become the big things. As a Mama to another Mama....I so understand that utter abnormal reasoning that your son left this earth home. I do not say 'dead'...that is just my belief....but that they do not walk this earth home. I hope you have a circle of caring family and friends around you today...to share memories...and they can surround you with complete compassion and understanding. Forever Young...Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 C Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 BRIAN-BRIAN-BRIAN- HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, may Our Angels be preparing a music filled celebration of your life here, and your life with them. You have been gone for a long while to some, a moment to others, and to your Momma, one day is far too long. Forever 16 Sweetie Boy, and forever loved.Colleen, may you always know how dear you are to him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Beautiful words Susan and Dianne, I love the blue balloon against the gray sky...here are some words that make me cry each time it plays, even way back when it came out...but especially since Erica left here and for you Brian- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Dee I've never thought of it like that before. Thankyou. Thankyou you Shannon love the family photos the Aiden and The goat so cute xx Susan I really like the picture the words really helped me just when I needed to hear them thanks X Dianne your grand daughter is a delight xx I'm at 22 months tomorrow feeling so sad and overwhelmed xx Im just sooooooo tired been travelling all day since 4.30am. I'll tell you how we got on tomorrow. God Bless xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Happy Heavenly Birthday Brian xxx Colleen your in my heart and prayers today God Bless xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 12, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 12, 2016 Foe all our Angels So Missed, So Loved and So Dear xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 Christle-----I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear son, Jonthomas. He is such a handsome young man. It is so recent that you lost him, and it is so understandable that at this point it may not seem real. You have found your way to a good and active site. Please come back, and thank you for telling us about your son. Peace to you. Dee----We didn't get much rain here....even for the past week. We get reports of 'scattered' rain, but somehow, it keeps missing us. Maybe Thursday....the weatherman says. I hope so. Yes, it is so nice to get something out of the backyard garden and have it for supper. We've had radishes, but they are done now, cukes are doing ok because Denny waters the vines, and lettuce. Our beets didn't make it this year.....too dry.....no rain at the critical point for root vegetables. Grass is like wire, really. Most of the rain is coming to the southern part of the state. Your visit to your sweet ERi's gravesite was so dear with pink carnations & balloons, and sending up your love to her. She must have been smiling down, and saying "I love you, Mom". We visited Davey and Lisa's graves, and also my mom & dad's recently, also my grandparents on both sides in a cemetery in a neighboring town. Shannon-----thanks for the pic of the new little step-grandson....so precious. Also, the pics of the boys playing on the porch with the little goat.....so cute. (I also spotted the kitties in the background) Susan----Thanks for the screen shots.....such true words. Leah---Sending prayers for your health. I hope you'll be feeling better soon. Dianne----So nice that you could make the trip to WYO. to see your little granddaughter for her 3rd birthday, and the rest of the family. She sure is an adorable little girl. Thanks for the pics. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 13, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 13, 2016 Thinking of you today Colleen and of your dear Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now