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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Alina's mom

Ericasmom, thank you for your mental support!

 

Becky, I like your flowerbed and the pond for memory about your son! 

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Alina's Mom, Whatever you want to know or need to ask, you do it here, there are so many of us with open arms and hearts. Our spirits take a huge hit, so we have to be mindful of how to best take care of ourselves, it is what our Children would want most.

Peace Dear...

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Magician

Time is the worlds' magician-

 

making changes that can scarcely be noticed by some-

 

while others are deeply pained as it slows itself

 

a warp of sorts-

 

when nighttime falls on a grieving household-

 

refusing to rush through those darkest hours,

 

making us audience to each tick of the hands

 

 

 

insisting on drawing each second into a slow motion replay

 

while all those moments that came before the hurting time,

 

sped past with record breaking fluidity-

 

 

 

birthdays, holidays, walks to the park, first days of school, graduations,

 

and simple days that felt like real life,

 

sped by,

 

 

 

nobody let us know that time would one day crawl and with it, we too would crawl

 

among the ruins of what once was.

 

 

 

But from those early days laying among the broken pieces, we still exist and we learn to stand again, though we are unsure why,

 

and we learn to walk,

 

to speak,

 

to say their names

 

to insist on hearing their names,

 

and in it all- the days pass and calendar pages get folded back,

 

and we realize that no matter the speed, or lack-

 

 

 

time is the worlds' magician.

 

 

 

Dee

 

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Mermaid Tears

thank you, Dee....your poems always touch my heart in just the right places...thank you. Time does have such a weird feel ....it is hard to describe...and how my 'mind' can go back and forth and back and forth with speed....the zillion emotions that can run around the racetrack of my persona is incredible.

 

Becky....I do believe I could feel right at home in your yard....so welcoming and inviting...so very colorful. I think that you are gaining a tiny sliver of healing every day....we all hope so....so for now....let someone do the yard work...I do understand about seeing...your boy. I see a memory under every tree, bush...chair..everywhere. I so love that poem you wrote...carries a language we all can understand.

Sending this photo of the T-shirts they have for the Memorial/Celebration/Fundraiser for Justin Joyce in my hometown....a friend sent me the photo to show me how the whole County has rallied around that sweet family.

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Susan, never forgotten is right. JKJ, sweet Boy, may you know of all of the love that is surrounding you and your family and friends, smile on them and know...you will never be forgotten.

Thanks Susan, for letting us be a piece of your friend's story, Lord knows that the more prayers and good energy out in the world, the better.

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi will catch up later  just come out of hospital had another cyst removed feeling so ill   Apparently I have an e-coli infection in my kidneys  so tired missing my boys   Xx

I thought I'd share this from Tim Laurance 

Grieving is not for the weak.

Grieving is for the loving, the courageous, the valiant, the vulnerable, the compassionate, the gracious, the humble, the soulful, and the honest. 

Grieving is human. 

Never forget that.

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Steve s mom
On July 1, 2016 at 2:41 AM, JD's Mom, Becky said:

IMG_20160701_030004.jpgMaryAnn. I am so touched that you could relate to my poem! That makes me smile! I haven't written anything new or done any new pics because of the neuropathy in my hands, but hope to be able to get back to both soon.

I read here everyday, but then when I feel well enough to try to write, I can't seem to remember all the mentions I wanted to make! Just want to say how much I enjoy all the family photos shared here, particularly the young ones, I really love! Was it Laurie that posted the young Benton streaking across the lawn? Too funny!

My husband, Jerry, is off work now for the summer, as he is a counselor in a local elementary school, and he has been doing a lot of work outside that I just can't manage anymore! I can't believe how much strength I have lost in addition to the imbalance walking. I feel pretty useless. I go outside with him and keep him company, but that's about my limit. I often think, if Jared were here, he'd be out there helping his dad, as he helped me so many times. I enjoyed working with Jared. For some reason he loved to deadhead my daylillies for me. I think it was the sound they made. I was out looking at the flowers just the other day, and could picture him working in the flowerbed. There's still not a day that I don't think about him and miss him. 

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 These were from the backyard, I have to take some pics in the front soon if the weather holds.

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Becky ,

i know how you feel and can almost see Jared doing all that he used to do with you.I do the same with Steve ,he used to help me with so many things he was with me almost on a daily basis every weekend he helped me do animal rescue work ,I still do that work at first it was hard to go back to those places without him.now I realize I am not without him but he is with me still in my heart in all I do.

several times I have had signs from him like a song on the radio or a butterfly that hovers near ,to validate that he is indeed still with me as I'm sure your boy is still with you and they will always be .funny thing before Steve was born I was thinking of baby names I considered naming him Jared spelled Jarrod though,but my father 

as soon as he found out I was expecting said ,take care of his little Steve ,and there I knew he had to be named after him. Stephen my father and grandfathers name and name of my grandmothers brother .He indeed was his little Steve he loved him so much,my father died when Steve was about 3 .How Steve wanted so much to be like his grandfather to make him proud ,I don't think he ever knew how much he had done that ,how much like him he was .Im glad they are at least together now again .they loved each other so,in that short time .

 

 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Dee, I love the butterfly on your shoulder. Sometimes things happen and we just know. Your poem really touched my heart. I was thinking about that sense of time today. Mine is so odd and was wondering if that’s ‘normal’ still… after three years. My memories of Tris, her childhood, things so many years ago still seem so vivid… like they happened yesterday and things that happened last week… seem like years ago. It’s so odd… my memory and sense of time now. But then I get on here and it’s what you all have been talking about. So, I guess it’s not just me.

Becky, Your backyard looks so beautiful and peaceful. I love the all the flowers. I have this image in my mind of my side yard where Trista’s Garden is becoming one big garden area with lots of small beds of different flowers. It will take time but the idea in my head is beautiful. I’m getting my greenhouse put in before fall so I will be able to grow some things year round. I also loved your poem and seeing Jared’s face always makes me smile. Continued prayers for your strength to return.

Georgina, I really hope you get feeling better. Get lots of rest and take care of you.

Susan, What a horrible thing to say to a grieving parent. I do understand that someone who has not lost a child cannot get it but to be so cruel… I just will never understand. So glad the community is rallying around the family.

Lora, So happy that you got that time with Jared. I do understand the need to get away sometimes. After Trista’s days I went camping with the Boys. It was needed. I’m now into July and June is over. I think with Trista’s Birthday and Angel day both so close… June will forever be an exhausting month. Now for the 4th and my birthday on the 5th… 40 years old. Another marker but they just don’t mean much. Then I’m ready for rest.

Mary Ann, I love the story of how Steve’s name was chosen. Tris was also very close with her grandpa. They called each other Big Buddy and Little Buddy. It’s some comfort to know they’re together.

I’ve been so tired and just not feeling well. Part of it is my autoimmune crap but the rest is just grief exhaustion, I know. Zak is out of town for the week with friends from back home. The house seems too quiet. Went to the farmer’s market this morning and got some good artisan bread, salami with aged Wisconsin cheese and some locally roasted Highlander Grogg… I’m set for the weekend. The Pepsi plant near our house puts on the fireworks so I think we will just pick a spot on our hill and watch from there. I promised Aiden some water gun battles and slip and slide. We’ll have a fire and do sparklers. Otherwise, a restful long weekend at home.

Thinking of everyone here.

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Mermaid Tears

I love what Anne Lamott says.....it is true for all of us on this site....when one is going crazy down the black grief hole....someone is there that is having a balanced day to reach down and hold our hand....

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Susan, I love that you posted an Anne Lamott saying. I have read everyone of her books, some are my favorite books ever! I met her at an author signing too, i get to stalking authors that I love. (not really)

Shannon, I am glad that the camping trip was good, you needed that different view with you kids after so exhausting a month. And yes, July does that to me...that is our month of losing our Girl. Hit on the 8th, hung on till the 14th. Ache. Yes, 13 years later time is still an abstract kind of entity, not as much as it was the first 5 years, but never quite the same again. It makes sense to me to not make sense...

Maryanne, yes, missing Steve will be a forever missing...as it should be really...it just will take a softer turn one day.

Lora, how nice for Jared to wear Erica's shirt, and how nice of you to let me know. Thank you.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Dee,
Thank you. From a 'spiritual sense' it makes sense to me that if my Girl exists in 'a place beyond' and part of my heart and soul is with her... then time will not mean the same to me anymore.

I do notice that my brain does not work the same either... just subtle things maybe no one would notice but me. I struggle sometimes to find words that came so easily before... spellings... It's nothing like the intense fog of the first couple of years but still there. Was it you who said trauma like this can cause the same changes in our brains as stroke victims?

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tobyfreefoot
4 minutes ago, tobyfreefoot said:
 
 
 

 

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tobyfreefoot

 

so it is that time of year again. if i knew how to post forest's video i would but i don't. i am getting ready to quit my job. i just can't cope any more. i give. this is a copy of a text i sent recently. after this happened i was glad i don't keep a gun. i felt so dark and murderous, sad and suicidal i truly believe i could have killed myself or everyone i saw then myself. it was not good.
also i have no idea how to adjust the margins or anything else here anymore
hope you all are doing ok
love g
 My husband likes plays and stage design. He is always changing the lighting and stuff in our house. A couple weeks ago he bought my grandkids a big doll that looks like my best friend and named it after her. We have a pedal car and he has a wind up doll on a tricycle. He arranged the doll on trike in front of the car put the big doll laying back in the car with her eyes closed and some other dolls looking on in my living room floor. He said look she fell asleep driving and is about to hit the boy on the trike. Well I just said that is awful. Later he moved the boy and the other dolls but left the sleeping doll at the wheel of the car. I had to step around it for more than a week. This is how my son died. His girlfriend fell asleep driving. Also it is less than a month until the angel versary which always causes me a lot of anxiety. Anyway I finally asked him to move it. And he said oh ok I get it you don't need to tell me. I didn't think about that. Ugh
 
 
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Mermaid Tears
1 hour ago, tobyfreefoot said:
 
 
 

Hey Gretchen....good to hear from you....but I feel from your writing you are in a dark...dark...place. We don't know what happened but we are here to hear you. I think if your work/job is just creating more negativity and stress in your life....then...it is time to quit. When we have this kind of grief....any 'thing' that only creates  more dark rooms in our life....it is time to let go....and walk away. I think having the dolls moved was a very healthy decision.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Gretchen,

I’m thinking of you tonight. I don’t know how I would have/could have handled that doll situation. Those around us just can’t know I guess how some things will hurt. I think of Forest all the time. My boys are so into gaming and the Japanimation (is that the right word?) shows… I always think of him too… when I see Hello Kitty I think of both Forest and my Girl and Aiden is collecting all the Super Mario plushes. I remember sharing pics of Forest and Aiden in their costumes. I know the dark places my mind can take me at times. Just know we are all here.

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Foxyladydog

How the he'll do you all cope, I lost my precious son Sept 18th 2015 not yet 10 months ago and I'm not coping it just seems to get worse and worse with time, I'm so angry as well, I don't want to go on knowing I will never see him again, the pain is so bad it's like a thousand knives going through me, I still can't believe this has happened

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7 hours ago, tobyfreefoot said:
 
 
 

Gretchen, my goodness, what was your husband trying to evoke in you...was he trying to make you mad, sad, rage against him? I am ready to rage against him for that strange  accumulation of dolls and positioning them in ways that hurt you. Perhaps he needs some help??? As far as your feeling in so dark a space, my heart immediately started whispering prayers of healing to you. Are your kids around? Can you rely on some nurturing from them? I am sorry that this is a very bleak time, please hang on Gretchen, you are still needed here, wanted here. Reach out to us and to a doctor if you need to, no harm in that as most of us know, but don't hurt YOU! Nor anyone else. Quit your job if it will give you some time to deal with life...I think if I am reading correctly, that tomorrow is Forest's date. Sweet and handsome Boy/Man. Your Momma loves you beyond any boundaries and beyond any words. Let her feel your presence, help her with your calm and peace.

Georgina, I forgot to add my message to you when I last wrote...e-coli in your kidney? Oh my goodness, what have the doctors given you to help you fight this worrisome bacteria? Are you on bedrest or are you able to move about? PLEASE keep us posted, prayers of healing for you.

Dianne, thank you for your complimentary words about writing. I love to write and wish that I could get published, I have poor follow through. I have a zillion poems, several small stories for children, and several memoir pieces.How exciting that you were working with an agent of a  wonderful writer. Oh it isn't too late you know, you must still have it in you to write creatively, it is a part of who you are. Like everything else, my writing definitely changed when Erica died, why wouldn't it? But I still love to write and I am very glad that you like it.

 

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FOXY LADYDOG- I am so sorry that you have found the need to be in a grief group but you have come upon a good place, filled with good humans who also have broken hearts. There is not one of us, I don't think, that didn't wonder why they should still be here if their Child was gone. Hang on please, try to think of the advice you would give a friend in a similar situation...now try to take that advice. Talk about your Son to us and to whomever you have near you that will listen. Telling the story of your Child is very important, telling it and retelling it, it is a true story and when we are coming to grips with the reality of loss such as ours, we have to retell to understand it ourselves. I know that at 10 months, it does get more difficult. You are already thinking of a year mark of time. It is impossilbe to approach the year mark of time without a huge amount of anxiety. What does it mean to enter the second year? How do I find a way to live a meaningful life after this shattered life is all around me? These and many more questions are what we asked/ask too. I am 13 years out, almost, and I promise you that you will find ways to live your best life but it will take a long while. It cannot happen fast, nothing that is a process happens fast. It will get worse and eventually it will ease up some, that sharp stabbing pain will ease up some, but grief is forever. The hole in our hearts is a forever hole, the difference down the road is that you learn to fill the hole with the goodness of your Child, the others in your life that you love, memories that will remain for all of time...It takes a lot of work to move forward in grief, but you are already doing it, reaching out here is one way that you are trying to find support. Keep coming here, keep writing, know that we are here because we know that others like yourself, will need some assistance, just as we received when we first found our way here. Tell us about your life and Child when you feel you are able. We are listening and holding your hands.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Gretchen, there are those days...when the grief attacks just hit full force....hugs.

Here is one of the videos for Forest I found.

Forest, Forest, Forest, we remember you...

....may gentleness be in your day Gretchen.

 

 

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May we celebrate Forest and watch this lovely video that always makes me grin. His wonderful spirit is always uplifting.

Laurie, you are so wonderful to post this today for Gretchen.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Thinking of you today, Gretchen, and of Forest. I hope you feel Forest all around you today and are surrounded by sweet memories. His Spirit definitely is uplifting and his smile, infectious. So glad Laurie could post the video for you.

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Mermaid Tears

Gretchen....I just watched the video....

Oh Laurie....thank you...you are such a 'gift' for all of us....

He embodied the term....'Free Spirit'....I just noticed his dimples...so...so handsome and lanky...living that young life to the hilt...

All we have are words to share with you...on this site...but I hope you feel our care and compassion and the many prayers said for you. We need to hear from you for many of us are worried about and for you. You have brought me a lot of insight...just let this day lay over you....don't fight or struggle with the grief or memories...it is all a part of deep mourning and longing.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Dianne,

I am one of the younger ones here. I had Tris at 19 and she is my first born. I haven't found many people with my circumstances although I'm sure there are. I'm usually younger than most people who have lost a child around Trista's age and many do not still have young kids at home. Regardless of circumstances the pain of the loss is the same and everyone here has always made me feel very welcome. Thank you so much for your kind words. I feel very grateful to have 'met' all of you and that I have you all in my life in this way. I did have a lot of stuff happen right after I lost Tris. So many times I felt as if I might lose my mind. This place was very much a lifeline for me in those first two years and beyond. Susan, Dee, Kate, Sherry, Laurie, Lora, Gretchen, Wade, Becky and others who were actively posting during that time were my 'family' during that time when I felt so lost. I don't have a relationship with my own parents, my husband's family just made my life a living hell... even more than it already was. I only really had my Grandmother and Sister and somehow I found it very hard to open up to them. I guess because they were grieving too. Because I always make it my job to take care of everyone else. I just know I owe this place and all of you so much. 
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TearsInHeaven

Foxyladydog-Jan-like those of us here, we have all felt that overwhelming grief you are experiencing with the loss of your son.  Know that your grief is as unique to you as your love for your beautiful son.  I don't think coping is something any of us can do.  We take small steps and hope for the best we can.  I found a lifeline of sorts here where other parents, some with grief as fresh as mine, some farther along in their grief journey, some many years on this path who welcomed me, supported me when I needed it, comforted me in the darkest hours with their words, their experiences ,their wisdom. Yes please talk about your son whenever you can. He lives in your heart and is with you always. In the blueness of the sky and the shining sun, in the darkness of night and the twinkling stars, in the clouds that roll in, he is there for you.

Healing is a process, and right now yours is filled with tears.They will come and let them.  I lost my son 19 months ago-he was 36-- and I was reduced to a puddle of tears.  Some days I still am and I will probably see that time and again.  Grief is an individual thing and whatever you are feeling is ok.  If your grief is all consuming you could consider some professional help.  I found that being around people on this site who understood what it was like to lose a child and to be able to freely speak of my loss or my son or the darkness around me helped me.You are not alone in this dark journey.

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tobyfreefoot

Thanks everyone for your love, support and sweet words describing my son. He was the live wire in our family and his absence is so glaring. Our family get togethers are so muted now. it makes the loss more obvious I think than had he been a less dynamic force for us - apart from the fact he has been my surrogate partner and my kids father figure through their coming of age.

Laurie thank you so for posting his video❤. I always want everyone to see my crazy beautiful son and truly new people here are probably the only people that are interested so I appreciate it so so much. I use to watch it all the time. I for some reason i find it harder to view now. Maybe because it is so real now that it is all I'll ever have. Just like all of our experiences with photos. I want new ones. 

I am headed to the annual4th party that is held on the third now in his memory. The year he died he was 'spose. To be there but got the oil changed etc for the trip instead and left at 2 am. There was a drought that year with a burn ban so no fireworks anyway. The only year in his life without fireworks. The annual remembering forest picnic and decorating with spent fireworks will be tomorrow on the 4th. I finally got the monument repaired it looks a little different but it is fine. The stress of doing all that secretly because my kids went crazy on me about it has been tremendous but the man that did it was wonderful. Here are the new pics. Ok love you all so much. I don't get here often but you know I am thinking of you. In not sure why my struggle has gotten worse recently. I just want to drop out and let the breeze waft over me and that is my plan. I just can't do it anymore❤❤❤

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tobyfreefoot

I forgot the photos loll and they are sideways. Now tornado warning loll

 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Gretchen,

I watched Forest's video today. My heart and thoughts have been with you. I hope tonight and the decorating party tomorrow are good for you. I know how hard these days are. I don't believe we can ever know why our journey gets so hard at times. Of course, these dates are part of it but sometimes it just hits out of nowhere and I can drive myself crazy trying to figure out why. I've seen some really dark dark times... times that I just prayed for dark and quiet and alone... I had such a need to rest. I'm sending you so much love right now. Your Boy... Forest... I can see how he was the pervasive energy in everything... that smile and personality... I have always seen him as someone Tris would probably crush on. Handsome... older... a little wild... lol. He just seems like the kind of person that would be so fun to be around... never sure what might happen next. I love the designs on his memorial stone and that verse... I'll love you forever... I've always loved that book but it touches my heart so differently now. Big Big hugs to you. Know we are all with you.

 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Laurie,

Thanks for posting ... so true... this holiday is hard. Fireworks later tonight if the rain stops. For now, I'm having an indoor Super Mario 3D world marathon with Aiden, ordering pizza and hot wings... making it good for him but I'm tired. My husband brought me a gift today for my birthday... a Moon flower... It's a luna hibiscus. He knows how I am about the moon and that the moon is a symbol of Tris for me. It's the first time he has thought to do something like so I'm hopeful it's a sign of his healing... he has 5 months now... Zak is away with friends for another few days and things are just too quiet.

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Mermaid Tears

thank you, Laurie....new parents...need to know that they can 'cocoon' and the world will not stop....it is a gift to one self of surviving..

 

Shannon....Happy Birthday....I have night blooming jasmine in my back yard....it only blooms at night and you can smell it all over....I know you will enjoy your Moon flower....

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Foxyladydog… Jan,

 

I couldn’t word things any better than Dee and Dianne already did. You have definitely found a good place although I hate that you need to be here. Please share more about your son as you feel ready. Please read through the posts. You will see you’re not alone. This is the worst journey any of us could have never imagined (I hope that makes sense). We are here.

 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Thanks Susan. I think the night blooming jasmine sounds lovely. This flower is only named that... it blooms all day.. but I do love the symbolism and that he thought of it. Aiden fell asleep on me and the loneliness was getting the best of me. I am going to wake him up soon. We have a long walk to the fireworks. I parked my truck at the end of the holler earlier today to save our spot because it fills up and we have the best view. We will walk down soon and watch from the the bed of the truck. I just miss my girl so much. This year has been rough. The first couple of years were so chaotic and then last year I was just moving in to this house. Now, it's sort of just me and my thoughts. I'm trying to do the best I can for the boys and I think I do good most of the time. I'm just tired. I want my girl back. Our Summers started with her Birthday on the 21st and then the Fourth... then mine on the fifth. We always stayed up until midnight on the Fourth to see my birthday in. My Dad always joked that I was a 'dud' who went off late. Tris hated that. :) She would wait up with me to prove that I wasn't the 'dud'. I was the Grand Finale. She was my Girl. My best friend. I miss her. My birthday isn't really a bid deal but those memories. I have been working with my counselor and he feels that maybe I had so much happening right after that now that things have settled... I'm finally getting to grieve. I don't know...

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

So, I walked with Aiden to the fireworks. The walk was beautiful. A thousand fireflies that I swore had to be better than fireworks. The fireworks were nice. But I kept thinking about my previous post and planning on deleting when I came back.  If I'd deleted then this next part would make no sense. When the grand finale came and everything was over we were getting in the truck... The was one last little firework... Like she was a little late. I know that was my girl....

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I am having  a tough time too this weekend...just want it to be over...

 

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Ricky's mom , Wendy

Does any of you live in the Dallas/ Ft.Worth area? 

I really need someone to talk to personally.  I feel like life has fallen apart for me.  I miss Ricky so much and have nobody to talk to.  I don't want to talk to Dr's that have no clue what I'm truly feeling.  I've not only lost Daniel, Danielle and Ricky, but now my pregnant daughter ( first grandchild)  has decided that I'm dead to her.  I just want to give up on everything! I'm just too lazy to do it!

 

 

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Wendy, tell me was that your Girl singing? She is lovely, what a voice. Is your Daughter mad at you for a reason or is she just really mad at the world right now after losing her brother...taking it out on you? Tell me more about your losses, I know of Ricky but I do not know of your other children. I know you feel like giving up but I urge you to try for some rest and maybe a bit of time to help you through this very sad and  broken piece of life. There are reasons that you are here...hang on Girl.

Shannon I am glad that you did not erase the message prior to this last one...reaching out is how we begin some good healing, your telling your story lifts another newer to this loss than yourself. It is your truth, your efforts and struggles lay a soft place to land for many. I am so glad that your Girl knew taht you were not a DUD as your Father said...that in fact you were the best in all the world to her and you always will be. I am sure too that the last kind of late firework was Trista, reminding you that she is there, doing things in her own way, in her own time.  I love that you saw so many lightning bugs, they are such delights. I love the gift of the moon flower and while I am glad that your husband thought to get that for you, he needs to do good by you and the Boys. I am very glad that he is trying.

Good night on this loud night of booming sounds.

Not able to change color or font size tonight...

 

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Ricky's mom , Wendy

Ericasmom...no, that is not my daughter.  That is the girl that sang that song for Left Behind 2. I lost Daniel and Danielle when I was 15. Daniel was stillborn and Danielle died in my arms 3 hrs later.  My daughter and I have a very rocky relationship and she feels like I don't care about her since Ricky died.  I don't know what to do.  I just feel all alone.  I'm trying so hard to not give up.  

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Dee, Thank you. Your words honestly help so much. It's been a rough couple of weeks. I love that you used the word lightening bugs... It's what I grew up with. I had to force myself to change to fireflies when I moved and no one knew what a lightening bug is. :)

Laurie, I so agree. Ready for it to be over.

Wendy, I'm so sorry for your losses. I think siblings grieve but so differently from parents. I hope in time your Daughter will see that while you are deeply grieving the loss of Ricky, it doesn't change your love for her.

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi Gretchen sorry I missed Forests Angel date. I've been in hospital. 

I watched the video such a lovely memory for you to have of him. I hope you felt him in your arms and close. God Bless xx

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Mermaid Tears

I have found in the years that have passed that I am most vulnerable at times of remembrance. The word "anniversary" no longer holds a promise of celebration. Instead, holidays and birthdays, family gatherings and otherwise joyous occasions contain an undertow of sorrow. If I get caught up in it, I quickly get pulled under and wind up gasping for breath. It is ironic that the presence of an absence can be so emotionally devastating.

July 4th, 2011...Port Aransas, Texas

Jason and John David...teenagers...July 4th, 1988...Port Aransas, Texas

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thank you all for your kind comments on our backyard. We only took vacation once during Jared's lifetime, and that was when my father was recovering after heart surgery and wanted to go to Florida to check on their trailer home in Kissimmee. We tried to make our home and grounds a place where they could relax, recreate, and bring friends to spend time with them.We have many memories of those times here.

I just saw today, that a boy that used to play football on our Pop Warner team has been killed, hit from behind while bicycling not too far from his home. No details yet, but I pray it will be thoroughly investigated. It happened in Maryland, whose laws are more extensive than ours here in Delaware. He had just graduated high school, and as an athlete, he biked this same route on a daily basis. I remember that he was funny, always cracking jokes! What a shame and heartbreak for his family, who adopted him as a very young boy. Makes my heart hurt. Jerry and I will attend his funeral this Thursday.

 

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Becky, going to the young man's funeral will be difficult so don't push yourself too much. I hope it investigated with more professionalism than what you guys had to deal with. Prayers for this Child, for his Family, for all of You whose hearts break again knowing...

Wendy, the song is beautiful. I know that you are trying to hang on Sweetie, and I know how tired your spirit gets doing so. Talk to your Child Wendy, to your Children, ask them to help you find your way as best they can, as best you can. Remember, finding our way means for right now...this moment in time. Try not to look at the space of time in front of you, it is too overwhelming, just right now, see if you can take a walk for 15 minutes and then come home and drink water and cry when you feel it. Watch tv if that is a way to pass some time, listen to music, take more walks, do some things for 10 or 15 minute increments and in those small moments, take extra good care of you. Eventually those small moments will stretch out to 30 minutes and so on...It is an up adn down path, sometimes we go backwards, don't let it make you feel that you have failed, you haven't...this process is not one that is predictable. So come here and read and ache and yell adn scream and cry, it is what we have all done, it is the natural reaction to so unnatural a loss.

Susan, those photos are wonderful, thanks. I like the wording: the presence of an absence.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

So a little happy news for today... My step-daughter ( the oldest daughter of my first husband, Terry, who passed away) is making me a step-grandma today, on my birthday. Our little man is on his way as we speak. Zak, of course is super excited to be an uncle. I know Tris is watching over her Sis and baby. :)

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InHeavensKeeping

Shannon congratulations like Diane we have one granddaughter and she was most definitely heaven sent. It's for me at times bitter sweet because I constantly think how James would of been with her it's makes me so very sad. Love to you al God Bless xx 

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