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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thinking of you Sherry.

 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Sherry, I'm thinking of you today and hoping for a day filled with beautiful memories of Davey's life.

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Davey  Davey  Davey

Wrap your Mom and Family in your love... show them you are close... and fly free with the Angels.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

MaryAnne,

Your pictures show a beautiful celebration of your life together. I'm glad you were able to do that and honor Steve in your ceremony. Seeing that picture of you and your husband together... I can see so much of each of you in the pictures you've shared of Steve. It looks like it was a beautiful ceremony.

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I think of you all daily..  trying to take in all the posts.  It has been a little hard, I am still seeing specialists.  Odd...  I took care of mom with copd and chf..  I think I worked to hard on her and not on me..I have the same thing.. so I do hope that everybody gets that needed rest and self care everybody talks about we do have to go on.. and now I am finding it really hard.

My heart goes out to all the struggle in this world..  so hard to understand it... to comprehend any of it.

 

Sherry..  your angel is watching over you...  I pray you have a special peace today.. everyday.

 

I hope all the people on this site find a little peace...   its a long hard road and lots of bumps.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Cara, Cara, Cara! We say your name aloud! Be with your sweet mama today, wrap her in your wings, sweet girl, and let her feel your love!

Davey, Davey, Davey, we say your name aloud and ask that you be near to Sherry and let her feel the brush of your wings, and the warmth of your love .

 

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JD's Mom, Becky

MaryAnn, your photos were lovely! Thanks so much for sharing them.

Wendy, I also think the shadowbox is so precious, like your child. I have pictures and little memorials all through my house of Jared. 

Shannon, Laurie, and Diane,  I so understand how difficult this process is, as I am approaching 5 years without my son. Most days I will recall a memory that makes me smile, particularly if there is someone else who knows that memory to share  it with.But there are other days that I am still brought to tears just thinking of where he would be, or how grown he would look, would he have found love, a career? I still deal with the emotions that come up towards the woman that caused all my sorrow. Ruthless, heartless. Not ever any kind of apology, and then to run around spewing false information of what happened, even trying to blame my sweet boy for his own death. It's a constant battle for me and my family. She hasn't  ridden by here lately, Thank God. But my poor daughter continues to be terrified to go anywhere, so she is pretty much a homebody with the exception of work. 

Susan, I loved all your photos, what a beautiful family! And I also forgot to mention to Georgina how handsome the photos of your son!

I think of and pray for all the families of this horrible murder spree in Orlando, and all of those still trying to recover. It's really hard to stay focused and happy in the midst of the hate filled world we now live in. I don't know the answers but I pray the next leader of our US will allow God to be their leader. God help us all. 

 

 

 

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Oh Dianne, I know how the air gets sucked out of your lungs for something like that. That instant transport of time, of situation, and boy, we realize the distance we have come and yet how fast we get returned to that moment. I am wishing you some calm now.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Becky, The thoughts of who they would be are so hard. Like you, most days, I can focus on the good memories. I love that my boys and I keep Trista's memory alive and she is part of everyday conversation. There isn't a day that her name isn't said aloud in our home. I can relate to the anger and emotions  that come up when I think of the unfairness of it all. The little girl who was given full responsibility for my daughter's death is finally doing better. I have a relationship with her now. We weren't allowed to speak at all while the case was open. I will always, in my heart, blame the truck driver. He ignored the warnings, was driving too fast, had a history of speed related incidents. I blame the county for ignoring the pleas of residents to fix that intersection until after someone was killed. They are now putting in the light... now that the statute of limitations is up... in the name of controlling increased traffic flow. And the trucking company who hired this man to drive truck in the evenings knowing he was an older man who would be clocking in after already working a full time job somewhere else. I can relate to the hurt and anger over lack of any real justice. But the awful, disgusting way this woman has behaved toward your family is beyond words. I hate that five years later you are still dealing with her hatefulness. I remember a meeting with the prosecutor, when they told me they would only be charging the little girl and not the truck driver. I told them... That's not right. The prosecutor just looked at me and said... Sometimes what's right and what's legal are two different things. I also know the trucking company had deep ties with the attorney general. He was the prosecutor (in my county) at the time and was responsible for winning them a very high profile lawsuit against some well known national corporations. It was a case that helped make his career. Things were 'wrong' from the beginning. I had to call the highway patrol for a month to get a reconstruction done. They weren't going to do one at all. They finally did a very half assed one. When I paid for a private reconstructionist he proved that the truck driver was not only going over the speed limit on the warning signs but at least a few miles over the legal limit on the rest of the road. I know there were some politics at play in Trista's case. It was confirmed for me by another attorney who also said as much as he wanted to he couldn't help me because "you can't fight city hall". My first attorney promised me that even though we had little chance of winning against the county legally she would help me make sure changes were made at the intersection and promised we would get it done. She left the law firm though, just shortly before the civil trial ended because she was awarded a judgeship. But now I hear that changes are being made, not because it's unsafe, but because of increased traffic flow. I don't really care why, I'm just glad it will be a safer place. 

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Dianne, Like Dee said... Those things just leave you breathless... like a punch to the gut and even after three years I can be taken back instantly. It just hurts. Bad. I found an email too. It wasn't that type but one from Tris on my iPad. She was playing on it before I got her hers. She left a long and silly message to me that I hadn't seen before. I just found it last week. Sending you peace. 

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Mermaid Tears

Wendy...the love and labor put in the shadow box is amazing....I have found my mind gets a release when my hands are busy....

So shocked to hear of Wayne's passing....he mentioned that some 'powerful' people were connected....I wonder....

Wendy...you said your husband was a 'quiet man'....all new parents please keep an eye on your husband...'A Mama wants to heal the problem...A Daddy wants to fix the problem'.....Daniel had quadruple open heart by pass surgery 9 months after losing John David.....he had enough anger for 4 people...all inside...and he could not fix this problem for me. Also....give your other children time to process this grief....after all....they have never lost a brother before.....this is a day by day grief journey....one step at a time....some days...many steps back....this is a time to be very kind and gentle with yourself...and other family members...

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Mermaid Tears

I have been 'busy'.....the hit the ground running in the morning til night kind of busy....today is the first day I only have half a dozen 'things' to do...

 

Lora....I woke up thinking of you and your girl on Monday.....it is my Daughter's birthday....and also....my Daddy died on the same date....I do not know how it feels to have the grief of losing an only daughter...I can imagine it is like losing not only her....but half of yourself and walk this earth home with only a part of yourself.....my daughter has always...always been my 'little partner'....so....you were held in my heart and thoughts and prayers...let us hear from you...

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Mermaid Tears

Sherry.....our 'spirit guide' who teaches us every day that we CAN survive....on John David's last angel date....I was thinking that this day can not bring me anymore pain than the other days I walk this earth home without him....and then I thought of you and Laurie that had lost two children...and then I knew I had not reached that level of pain....I hope you had a caring circle of family and friends to have a quiet day of reflection and memories...your boy has that kind of grin...that only boys can have....I winked at his photo....

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Mermaid Tears

Shannon....a year and a half ago....I had to put some things aside...not away....just aside...I kept beating myself up and then be brought to such an unbalance that I had to give myself some time to get a grip....I knew I was not the first Mama to lose a child...and I would not be the last....I had to let my 'grief grow up'...I had to let my grief get some maturity. I wanted to become wiser with this kind of grief and to become a 'learner'....I still feel as if I am a Beginner. Cocooning was the best thing I did for myself...and you are wise to know when to fold your wings and spirit and let Father Time and Mother Nature be the healer. Now...life has a way to leading us from one day to the next....and we must take care of all the people that we love and shape a theme for them. We still have the power to create a rich and warm and wonderful life for our family. It does seem as if we do this with one arm tied to our backs...maybe with half the heart....a worn and tired spirit...but when we do the right thing....we are richer for all the work. I do allow myself time to weep...mourn...and now I have this deep yearning....like having the worse case of homesickness that I experienced when I was young and wanting to go home. I have realized that I do need my quiet time...it is a must for me to keep my balance...time away from everyone...just me and me.

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Mermaid Tears

Diane.....we were creating all these photo collages for our parties....I have boxes...in boxes...in boxes...of photos...(one of 'these' days I am going to organize them all...??? Have been saying that for years).....but I was digging in one box and found an old letter from John David he wrote when he went off to college...it wasn't new to me....but I have not read it in years and years...it was so...so funny....in only the way John David's sense of humor was so keen....I laughed and laughed...in all this grief I had not forgot entirely of his humor...but...there it was !! I felt as if he had reached out and gave me one of his hugs...and a message to lighten up. Finding old messages does make your heart feel cracked open again.

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Mermaid Tears

Thank you Maryanne for sharing your special day with us. I think it is such a healing time when we get to the place of creating a 'Celebration/Remembrance' gathering. To embrace each other and have a day of blessings and memories. It was just the right time and right place...and so beautiful....I, too, see both of you in your boy....

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Another little visitor while I was working in the veggie garden this morning. She was determined to stay with me... fluttering around and landing on me. I had to stop what I was doing for fear of hurting her or stepping on her. A zebra swallowtail... the one a few days ago was a great spangled fritillary. That name in itself reminds me of my girl. It sounds like one who just sparkles and flitters about. Tris didn't walk through the house... she danced and with her bright colors she definitely sparkled. I have learned so much about Ohio butterflies over the past three years. Whenever I have a visitor I have to learn all about it... and the dragonflies who have been appearing over the past couple weeks. Aiden tells people... My mom just loves bugs. :) 

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Mermaid Tears

Shannon....I do believe that you and your girl had such a connection with Mother Nature...it is easy for her to send you a message on those fragile wings...

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Mermaid Tears

Dee.....I so remember reading one of your posts a couple of years ago stating how you need your quiet time/space.....I didn't know then that I, too, would evolve into one needing/requiring cocooning in my day to day life. Being so very busy for the past several weeks brought that need to the surface. I so need the 'me - me time' to get my inner compass pointed to my North Star....for direction and balance. Once I have gathered myself up....I can go and 'get-r-done'...my daughter's road/bridge to their home has been repaired...so...they only have to drive 7 miles into town...instead of going the other way....37 miles one way. We still have many road closures due to damage from the floods. My Randa has been a little more emotional...Taylor will be going to U of Houston at Clear Lake...Hunter Bear going to A & M...(my Daddy and Daniel are both Aggies).....and she will have the one chick left...our Pibby. It is hard for the baby of the family who is born into a crowd...to be the only one at home. I so remember Jeremy being so lost without his older brothers around. At our Graduation celebration many told their John David stories....the 'girls' who are now in their 40's talking about having a crush on him...and the 'boys' telling theirs...I heard a new one...the GRANDkids love to hear them. Here are two of my favorites...of him and Randa. Jesse and Jason seem to be able to relate and talk about him with a kind of ease....and that opens up dialogue....shared memories and laughter. It doesn't happen over night...but I get a glimpse of their healing.

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

Thank you, Susan. I love the pictures of Randa and John David. I'm so so glad you found that note just when you needed it... A dose of John David's Spirit. They do have their ways of getting through. 

 
I've been spending so much time in the garden... Just reflecting and getting in to that zone. It's funny where your mind can go and I find myself thinking of all the correlations between gardening and life. Right now, because it's my first year in this spot, and I'm trying to do it all by hand... naturally and organically... I'm fighting the grass and weeds that want to keep popping up. I've tried over the past few years to eliminate the negative from my life... to weed out all that doesn't bare fruit and only serves to choke out all that does... just like my weeds and grass. But just like in my garden ... it takes time and lots of hard work... to get to the root... and you're never really done. You have to keep coming back to find those little intruders as they pop back up ... before they get out of control. I probably sound crazy. These are the things I think of when I'm outdoors and why being with Mother Nature is like my church. My husband says 'just pour on the Round Up and be done'. I say... only if I want to poison my fruit. 
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Mermaid Tears

Shannon...my Grama always said...'As long as you dig in the dirt...you will never go crazy'....and I saw some article on the internet about dirt having something in it...like an antidepressant...

I learned a trick from one of my friends...I am a beginner gardner....lay layers of newspaper and then cover with mulch...the newspaper is good for compost...and keeps the weeds from growing...there are spots in my yard where I think astro turf would be a good idea....

Laurie....thanks for the info on Wayne....you are a superior fact checker....how is your summer shaping up...? So many ...so many are dealing with the aftermath of flooding in their homes...a few in Washington county...but 1,000's in our other counties...many will not have a good summer this year. Many people that came to our Graduation gathering wanted to see my 'Sea Angel' that they saw on FB....your gift was a big hit.

I created a 'House Divided' canvas...Austin graduating from U of Texas...and Hunter Bear going to A & M....2)..Tay Tay and her best friends since birth...these girls grew up in my back yard...3)...Pibby and her Dad at her party....

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What fun to read you all today, Susan you are a fount of knowledge and wise words. Yep, dig in the dirt, it allows you communion with the earth, and yes, Shannon, the metaphors in the garden do so apply to our lives outside of the garden. We learn to recognize those invaders that harm us more than help us and we learn to weed them from our lives. Keep weeding dear. I love the butterfly visits, I have long loved fritallary butterflies, and swallowtails, but have never had the zebra swallowtail here that I know of. We have had several black and dark blue edged swallowtails, and yellow and black as well, and many sightings of our sweet and fast hummers.

I wrote thank you notes this morning to my students for all of the lovely gifts that they gave., the dearest of all being donations to the Erica Reith Fund. I wrote about $2000.00 dollars of checks to the Park District to cover the cost of 10 families swimming passes. I know Erica is smiling.

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Mermaid Tears

Father's Day is approaching....men grieve differently than women....give the Dad's out there some kind attention...let them talk when they can...or simply remain quiet if that suits their grief journey...

I feel so very sad and sorry for my Daniel...he lost his 'go to boy'...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Susan, I am glad the Sea Angel was a hit...and that it was a blessing to you and others...what wonderful pictures of your family...thanks for sharing all you do! The photos of John David are so handsome. I love the pic of Cara you found too....

Mary Ann, thanks for sharing the pictures of the vow renewals -- what a bittersweet day it must have been for you and your husband -- Steve is always in your hearts...sending gentle thoughts...

Dianne, I could see where viewing that email would take you to the ground...I was working at a company on their web stuff at the time of the news...they said if I ever wanted to come back I could; but for me, I just could never return...

Dee, how wonderful that so much was given in Erica's name, I am sure many will be blessed....

Shannon, thanks for sharing about your new love for bugs  (per Aiden), Lately I have had some unexpected connections myself...my sister's nick name Fujiyama keeps appearing randomly lately, it is an unusual name, so I take notice...The last time was two days ago...I was with my mom at a restaurant having lunch, my mom tells me again about a dream she had of my sister, a few minutes later a girl walks by in a bright pink tee shirt with the word Fujiyama...(brilliant pink was my sisters fav color), I go down the street to the gas station afterward this lunch, what comes on overhead ..."Jesse's Girl", I was always hoping to see him with some nice girl...but Betty the cat was all I got.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Georgina, wondering about you...Gretchen, Carol, Colleen, Donnah, Leah, Sandy... So many who visited here, I think of tonight...

Lora, so good to see your post. Sending good thoughts on your trip to the Windy City...I thought the pic that Susan found of Cara was so beautiful and her spirit shines though...

When I can, I want to post pics of the Basilica my sister, mom and I went to the other day. In the special prayer room, I lit a candle in memory of all of those represented here...for those in spirit ...that love never dies...

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Mermaid Tears

Love that 'brother love'....message....thanks for sharing Lora...

When John David passed....that was the one and only time I could not....neither could Daniel....make things 'right' for our other children...we were in such a foreign land we could not even begin to process or face the fact that he was gone from this earth home...we all were in such a state of shock and grief that we could not address it to each other....now in this 4th year...I see glimpses of healing in his sister and 4 brothers...

 

Laurie....thanks for sharing the signs...I am thinking that with the passing of the years...your Mom has dropped some of the shock suit...so your sister can come close to her....and you....

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Lora, what an amazingly loving message from your beautiful Son. And he is so right, HER light shines on the lives here, and she like so many of our Sweethearts would want everyone to Come as they Are; Who they are.

Susan, all the photos of your Kids and Grandies are a treat as well as the screen shots. Thanks so much.

Laurie, I love the nickname story, thank you for that. The 2000.00 was what I wrote in checks, hopefully will get close to that back in donations this summer...but three students each gave $50.00 gifts to the Fund in their goodbye notes. So so dear. Going to deposit those now.

Peace to you each.

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Mermaid Tears

Love all the 'good' that keeps on giving for your girl, Dee....what a testament to your circle of caring family and friends....

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TRISTA......TRISTA....TRISTA.......SWEET  ANGEL   IN   HEAVEN.   SMILE, AND DANCE,

AND SPARKLE.   YOUR DEAR SPIRIT WARMS YOUR MAMMA'S HEART, AND THE HEARTS

OF YOUR DEAR BROTHERS.   BLESS YOU.

Shannon-----I'm sorry that I missed Trista's angel day. May your warm memories

soothe your heart. thank you for those lovely pics of the butterfly.....surely it was

a visit from your beloved Trista.....flitting around in your beautiful garden, being close to you. 

 

Sherry

 

 

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Hello to all Indigos......I'm so far behind with the posts. :huh:   Have been so

busy with family matters lately.

I want to thank EVERYONE for the lovely sentiments, poems, and pics that

you kindly posted for Davey's Angel Day.  They mean so very much to me.

Laurie, Shannon, Dianne, Leah, Becky, Susan, Dee, Lora.........Thanks again,.... and all

my friends here at BI.........you are the best.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

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CARA.......DEAR CARA......SAYING YOUR SWEET NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU....

AN ANGEL  IN  HEAVEN.

 

Lora-----I'm sorry for missing Cara's  Angel  Day.  Thanks for posting the tribute

and picture of  your beautiful  daughter.  May all your wonderful memories of

Cara warm your heart & soul.  She will always be with you.

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Sleep sweetly Dear Parents, knowing that our Babies are tucking us in with their love and guidance.

 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I saw this today which really touched my heart. It was from an obit of another local man who passed a year before Jesse in BRF.

Loved with a Love beyond all telling -

Missed with a grief beyond tears,

To the world he was just one-

To us, he was the entire world.

Thought this was so true of all our dear children...

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InHeavensKeeping

Sherry I have you close in my heart and prayers today I hope you feel Davey close by your side. Xx❤️❤️

Im so sorry I don't know why this didn't post I just went to post a reply to Laurie and it was here  so so sorry Sherry 

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InHeavensKeeping

Laurie I haven't been to well thank you for asking. James's case has been really getting me down. We made contact with the missing witness and our solicitor said its a major breakthrough. But then it all grinds to a holt again. It's so slow waiting for everything.  

We have on James's grave  ' to the world only one, but to us all the world' very similar. But I think the first to lines say so much to me too. I wish I'd known off them back then. 

I found this for a card I made for Kevin today for Fathers Day  I thought I'd share it with you. Sorry I've been so quiet . Just struggling everyday I'm so depressed.  God Bless xx 

 

I am Your Angel

Now that I'm in heaven

Where souls find a resting 

place

Among the rain coloured 

waterfalls

I will be your guiding Angel, dad 

Your sweet angle watching over 

you

 

I will dry your tears 

And hold you in a tight embrace

And your heart will remember 

I am only a tender breath away

 

You can call me when your heart 

is breaking

You can call me when you want to 

feel my love

You can call me and I will be by 

your side

You can call me dad and I'll be there. 

 

I may seem to be gone but 

I'm still with you Dad

I love you Dad 

My Dad ❤️xxxx

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Shannon-Trista'sMom

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Brian, Thinking of you today sweet Boy... and of your Mom and family... I hope you let them feel you close and wrapped them in your love. Fly free with the Angels...

Colleen...

I just wanted to let you know I had you and Brian in my mind and heart today. I was out all day so couldn't post until now. I hope you and your family were able to surround yourselves with sweet memories of Brian.

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BRIAN-BRAIN-BRIAN-

I know that you will surround your family today, letting them feel your presence today...each day. Leave unforgettable messages, and kiss your Momma, she would love to have you that close.

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Coleen .. wishing you a special  closeness with Brian .. not just today but everyday

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Ricky's mom , Wendy

Prayers to all. Just wanted to share what happened this morning.  I was sitting in my porch talking to the clouds and they started making shapes. So,here I am sitting on my porch crying and talking to the sky! PicsArt_06-20-12.56.00.jpg.jpg

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InHeavensKeeping

Brian send your mum lots of messeges today . Show her your ok. 

Colleen im holding you close to my heart today  God Bless xx

 

 

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Birthday Wishes for the 21 year old on the 21st! Happy Heavenly Golden Birthday Trista! Summer Girl, born to the summer days, naming summer in your smile, in your sparkle, in your spirit. Trista, you are flying freely and making sure of your Momma and Brothers as you go along.

 

Shannon, we know the bittersweet of this date...missing but loving the date for all it brought and brings to your life. Peaceful day to you on this first full day of summertime.

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Mermaid Tears

Colleen....I hope the day was spent with caring family and friends around you....holding you up and letting you know they remember your boy...with smiles for all the love he gave...

 

Shannon....am sure you have been 'dread walking'....that is what I call my emotions leading up to a marker day....it is a sure thing you will be thinking of what and where you girl would be at and doing....I hope she sends you many butterflies today....

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