Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

A song that seems fitting to our spirits and souls...listen to the lyrics, know that they are nearby.

 

https://www.google.com/search?q=cat+stevens+oh+the+very+young&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Leah, so glad you're  feeling better! Take good care of yourself!

Donnah, I loved the rainbow picture, a blessing for sure!

Yesterday was interesting, my daughter and her boyfriend are on their way to Walmart, and see a tiny fawn crossing the road and into a field, then just stand there in the field, very wobbly and panting. It was very hot yesterday. And no other deer in sight anywhere, so they stopped and picked it up and brought it home and put it in my arms and then they left to go to the store while I babysat the tiny little buck. I dribbled some water from a turkey baster and wiped him down with a cool cloth to try to bring his temp down as he was burning up! He calmed down and got quite comfortable and I put him down and he followed  me around like a puppy!! Jasmine got back home and announced that SuperPet had given her the contact info for a lady that did deer rescue and that she was going to come and get him. I was  happy that someone was able and willing to undertake fostering this little baby, but at the same time a bit disappointed that it wouldn't be me. If only a few years ago I wouldn't hesitate, but with my unsteady gait and still trouble with my hands holding onto things, I think it would have proved difficult for me. But I enjoyed the four hour experience with him for sure. He blended right in with my living room decor! I couldn't help but think of how much Jared would have enjoyed his visit! He loved animals too.Today, myself, my husband, Jasmine & her boyfriend, went and finished the expansion project at the cemetery. I still want to add some more solar  lights and maybe some  more flowers. Just happy to get this much done. 

 

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

loved the story of the fawn....so tiny and the resting place looks very peaceful...

[daveydow1]

I'm so sorry to see new parents coming to this site.  Peace be with each and every one of you.

Thanks to all who posted such lovely pics.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

I can now have another way to view Memorial Day....knowing there are so many parents that cannot celebrate this day....but I hope their hearts have some

comfort in knowing this Nation is honoring their child for their service and sacrifice. I remember my Dad held this to be a sacred day....so many of his WW 11 buddies died and some of his school friends.

[ericasmom]

Love the little fawn photos Becky. Hope little one is doing well.
YOu all should be proud of how pretty Jared's site is.

Susan, stay safe with that rain.

A busy weekend, included a stop at our local Memorial Parade where my Son, DIL, and Grandies were as well. I went for a bike ride today and yesterday, first of the season...9 or so miles each day, so that is nice. It feels so good to pedal through town. A sense of freedom I think. Birds and blooms all around, a lovely lovely day. We babysat last evening for a bit...the kids just make me laugh out-loud. So very dear.

I hope Everyone is OKAY today, peaceful feelings floating around you, like little spirit orbs.

[rlolheiser]

life gets confusing.  I feel better.. still so weak.  The doctors have no idea what put me down.  A mixture of the past years.  I see one on Wednesday again.   To top this all off... my husband who stayed with me as much as possible tells me we are done.  He has moved without telling us.  Even his son had no idea...   how can people live so blind by the things around them.  I feel so stupid  I don't know what to think.. my next step..  it is like watching a freaking show.  He is going to have to fight me to throw me out..  to take our son..  I don't even want a divorce.. once was enough....  I just will sit here I guess

thank you for all the well wishes..  just me... getting more confused.. hugs to all our angels

[Mermaid Tears]

Leah...how old is your son ? If he moved out....it will be hard for him to move you out....and move back in. Sorry you have so much emotional strife in your life...which leads to physical breakdowns. I pray that you find a place in your life that can help you 'think for yourself'....and not stretch yourself thin in doing for others. It is good to help others....I do understand that. I think there comes a time when a person has to take responsibility to care for themselves...cause no one else will better than you. Your health is what you need to concentrate on now. Our Warrior Mom...Becky....will be the first to tell you how emotional turmoil, grief and strife can harm you. Please take care and 'self care'....we are all here to hear you. Wish we all lived down the street from one another so we could help out.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Leah, sending you lots of prayers and healing thoughts!

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, thanks for sharing the song, I read through the lyrics today...here they are in part:

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
You're only dancing on this earth for a short while
And though your dreams may toss and turn you now
They will vanish away like your daddy's best jeans
Denim Blue fading up to the sky
And though you want him to last forever
You know he never will
(You know he never will)
And the patches make the goodbye harder still

Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
There'll never be a better chance to change your mind
And if you want this world to see a better day
Will you carry the words of love with you
Will you ride the great white bird into heaven
And though you want to last forever
You know you never will
(You know you never will)
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Donnah, thank you for sharing the picture of the rainbow....the new picture of your son is a treasure to receive...

Becky, how sweet the little fawn is, I love the picture of you and him...my cousin raised a deer, and still has it, it follows him around outside like a giant dog...

Susan, I hope the flooding has gone down, I saw another article on that this weekend....

I am thinking of those today who are moving closer to their children's angel dates this month, Sherry, Colleen, and Shannon...

My infant son, Taylor was born this month, June 25, 1987. 

Thinking of all Indigoes...sending gentle thoughts to all...

[rlolheiser]

Susan, our baby will turn 13 this September.  He was our miracle child.  I wasn't his birth mom, but I have had him in my life before he was even 12 hours old.   I am the only mother he knows...  JaBoa's mother gave him to us right after birth, he was a methamphetamine baby. and I have been there through everything with this beautiful boy.  He was the one constant I kept seeing come in and stare at me while I was lying next to unconsciousness...  he was amongst the biggest reason I built back up and I don't want to go down again.  Husband come in and said.. I need to tell you I gave up my ND Id... I live in MT...   He told me his son will never want for anything..  and that is the most important thing to me...  I can't give the cash and gifts..   I need a job so bad.....  but I give my boy love.. tears.. honesty..  I am his biggest cheerleader...  I am his mother...  I may be older but I have seen every program.. football game..  I am mom

 

I am seeing things that just wear me out  I don't think some family members stop to think... 

One bit of good news.. new great grand child.. #3  born a few minutes ago...  7 lbs 6 oz.. 

 

I am tired ... sorry to complain..   just need to lean a bit...   thanks for caring

[daveydow1]

Leah.......Your boy is surrounded with your family's love. He is truly a

miracle child.   Congratulations on the new great-grandchild!  Boy or Girl ?

I'm sure he/she will be so welcomed and loved by you & the rest of the family.

Sending up lots of prayers that your health will be restored.  So sorry for

your recent scary stay in the hospital.  Please take care of yourself. 

Laurie....thinking of you, as baby Taylor's birthdate approaches.  

You never forget.  Peace to you.

Donnah---Thank you for the lovely pic of the rainbow.......a scene that is often

a bit difficult to capture with the camera.  It's beautiful.

WISHING  PEACE   AND COMFORT  TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Just stopping in to say hello to all of you. I haven't been on much. Trista's Angel Day approaching put me in a quiet place. Today has been busy though so that does somehow help. My friend Chanz, who has been my friend since high school, is coming with her two little girls. We are doing a balloon release tonight in honor of Tris and of her Mom, who she lost to breast cancer when we were kids. Her Mom, Tanya, has a birthday on June 6th so we decided to honor them together. Lots of pink and purple... Trista's favorite colors and for breast cancer awareness. I'll post pictures of our balloons when I can. Love to all. 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

_{Shannon, thinking of you today on Trista's Angel Day.}

 

[ericasmom]

Shannon, how very wonderful that you and your Dear Friend can join in the release of balloons to honor two wonderful women...The photos of Tris are gorgeous, and the poem by ee.cummings is one of my favorites, thank you for sharing.

Hold onto your heart Dear Shannon, she is right there...not far away.

[daveydow1]

Shannon------Your celebration & balloon release for sweet Trista, and your dear

friend's  mom  is such a lovely way to honor them.  I so understand the need

to seek that 'quiet place' ,  and am sending thoughts & prayers for you & your 

family.   Also, the picture of Trista is just beautiful, and also the poem.

 Thanks for posting them.  Peace to you.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Guest]

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[justinsmomma]

I have lost my beautiful boy April 30,2016...at the age of 25...I just don't know how to cope ..how do i go on without him? I have so much guilt and shame that i could not save him from the evil that is heroin

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Justin's Mom, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious son. But glad you found your way here. There are many parents here who know  and understand your pain, and will help guide you forward on this path that none want to be on. 

Heroin is such a horribly addictive drug, and it has it's grip on many of our young people. I am sure you did and said all you could, so blame the drug, not yourself or your boy.                                                

I lost my 15 year old son nearly 5 years ago when he was hit by an SUV from behind as he was skateboarding only 1/4 mile from our driveway, heading home. The driver had an open alcohol and about five different prescription drugs spilled on the floor of her vehicle, and yet because we have no open container law here, she was never tested for impairment. She also received a text just moments before hitting him, yet was not charged with inattentive driving either .We fought so hard for Justice, for two years, until the statute of limitations was reached, and received  none, after which I  became very ill with my diabetes, and entered into serious depression. If not for this forum, I may have lost my mind or worse. 

 Please take time to care for yourself, and come here as often as you need to. We will listen and understand as only those who have shared this type of loss can. Come and tell us more about your Justin when you can. 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon...sorry so late....with all the flooding...we are fine...but...so many are not.

I am glad you had a friend with you....there are so many shades of grief...and when the grief can be shared...it seems to weigh less...but I know that deep..deep longing and yearning you have for your girl....and we also know how very brave you are for waking up and putting that foot forward each day for your boys...shaping a theme for each day that they may have a joyful life and happy memories that they can grow whole and healthy. We all care for each other on this site...we are all especially happy that you and your boys are in a sweet and peaceful place. Hang on with both hands.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

JustinsMom.....we are here to hear you....I haven't much time today but please read other posts...addiction is something that has touched just about every family in our country....you are not alone. Many walk in your shoes. Hang on with both hands....this is a hard journey to walk.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Justin's Momma,
I want  you to think for just a minute about all the other Moms and Dads who have lost their precious Children to heroin addiction...okay, do you feel that they did anything wrong in not being able to prevent those deaths?

Nor did you. Your Son, like so many Kids/Adults in this country somehow find their way to heroin...we don't quite know why, but we do know that once there, the return to life without drugs is almost impossible. My nephew Matt has been a heroin addict for 5 years now, lying, stealing, almost dying a few times, and of course my fear is he will one day not wake up. I worry for my sister, because while in hell now, she will feel as you do, that she has done this to Matt. But she hasn't. No parent wants this, and no parent can change it. Sadly, the few kids/adults that find their way back are just the lucky ones who for what ever reason, go through rehab and make it. Most go to rehab over 10 times aNd still get out and use.

I know that what I am saying won't help you, but maybe shed a light on the fact that my sister, you , and all the other parents of heroin addicts in the US need our support, not blame. Finding heroin was never in the plan, never part of your hopes...we don't get to see our plans through however, we realize in this and all of our losses here, that we do not have control. We really never did. All we have is LOVE, and we will always have that...just as our Kids will always love us.

My girl died at age 19 when an Amtrak hit her car at a broken crossing in Kalamazoo, Michigan. This was nearly 13 years ago. We learn to weave their lives into every part of us so that we take them with us everywhere we are, we learn to shine the light that they left us. YOu are early early on this path, even if it feels you've aged a thousand years, so these things will not happen quickly, they all take time.

Now it will be time to take  your own advice...the advice another mom might need if she lost her Son or Daughter: drink plenty of water, try to take walks to force your body into releasing endorphins, talk to those you can about Justin, say his name proudly...he will always be your Son.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Shannon, you are in my thoughts and in my prayers, as all that have losses this month. I don't like how this forum has changed, as you used to be  able to see our angels birth and death dates, but that has not been fixed either. Lora, Colleen, and I'm  not sure who else, we're thinking of you, praying that your angels make their presence known to you and lift you up.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Shannon you've been in my thoughts and prayers this week as this angel date approaches. I hope you can feel your beautiful Trista near you today. Such a beautiful girl Shannon.  God Bless xx 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Justinsmumma im so sorry for your loss. We all walk in your shoes and know the pain you're going through. 

I lost my beautiful Son twenty months ago and I am trying to find my way through this life that has been thrust upon me. But you've come to the right place to help you. Friends here will support and guide you as much as they can. I would not be here still without the support I've been given its been lifesaving for me. You can just read if you like which will give you, I know it sound wrong, a kind of comfort to know your not alone in what your thinking and feeling. 

Take care of yourself.  God Bless xx

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

I'm new to this forum.  I lost my angel,Ricky, April 15,2016. He was taken from this world in a horrible car accident.  He was my third child to lose... I lost my twins when I was 15,son was stillborn and daughter died in my arms 3 hrs later.  Yes, it hurt losing them but this is a different kind of hurt.  Ricky was 23 yrs young.  I had more time with him.  How do you deal with the pain? How do you get over the anger? I can't breathe, eat, sleep, function, etc. I'm angry at the world.  Angry at Ricky for leaving me.  Angry at the other vehicle's involved.  I miss my baby so much! I'm tired of people telling me to move on, get over it.  Where am I suppose to move to? How am I expected to get over it? My heart has been ripped out of my chest, literally.  I just want to curl up and join him in heaven.  I know that I'm being selfish by wanting that ,but, it's how I feel.  I don't know what I expect out  of this site,  but I do know I'm not ready to go to group therapy.  I don't think I can handle that yet.  It has only been 7 weeks.  

I just want my baby back! 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Wendy, am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son, and also the loss of your twin babies. I know what you mean by it not being the same, it isn't. You had a relationship with your son of 23, just as I did with my 15 year old son, lost to me almost 5 years ago. Listen, people that haven't experienced this kind of life shattering loss have no idea how painful and debilitating it is to lose a child. There are many parents here that "get it", and will be here to listen and to help in any way we can. I so understand your just wanting to leave all this behind and be with your son, as I have felt those feelings many times, but you are also right that we have more than ourselves to consider. It's so hard. Unbearable at times, but there's no way through but straight ahead. Come back and share your son with us as often as you need. 

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

JD'so mom, Becky, 

Thank you so much for your words.  I'm so sorry for the  loss of your angel! It just angers me more when I'm told to move on! I never understand how some can be so heartless to even tell me that.  I've cut friends out of my life since this has happened.  I didn't have many in the first place but I just can't deal with their drama of how horrible life is over a breakup or not being able to go to the movies, like, Really? If they only knew how horrible life really was by losing my childen.  I just want to stay in bed all day.  It takes everything in me to get up daily and function.  My poor babies (pups) don't understand why mommy won't play or walk them.  I know with time I will get better but I will never forget nor let others forget my precious baby. 

[Donnah]

Hi Wendy, I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my son Dylan age 22 on 26/12/15. People can be so cruel in their comments mostly I think they try to say something but muck it up when saying nothing would be better. Im glad you have some fur babies to talk to and cuddle and your guaranteed no stupid comments from them. Please share Ricky with us as we share our angels and our grief together. Hugs to you from New Zealand from Dylan's mum Donna xx 

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Hi Donnah, 

I'm so sorry for your loss of Dylan. Your angel date is close to mine.  Have things gotten any better? What are some things you did to cope? Plz, any advice on how to get through this would be greatly appreciated.   I have some days I can function but then there are days that I don't even want to open my eyes.  Yes, I know others mean well but do muck it all up.  

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Wendy I'm so sorry for the loss of your Son. I lost my son twenty months ago . He was knocked over and killed by a distracted driver who was speeding driving a 32 ton fully laden lorry. I also lost my second Son who died at birth.  

I don't know how to answer your questions but I can honestly say I felt the same and didn't want to be here either. I yearned for my Son and just wanted to join him  and at my lowest times I still do. I just take each day one step at a time minuet by minuet step by step.  I lost my friends too and a lot if my family I just don't think they can be around me it makes it all to real to them so I let them go and I'm making new friends the friends I've found on this site and others I've met who understand who've also lost a child. 

I still have times in the day when I can hardly breath or think for the grief I feel and the emptiness I feel without my Son James but the parents here have helped pull me through and given me the support I've needed shared their experiences and given much needed advice which has given me 'hope' .  

God Bless X 

[Donnah]

Hi Wendy, we are each different in our grief yet have suffered similar lose if not more for some. From the day Dylan passed and I realized that he had such a full life and he was so loved by so many I have tried really hard to honour his life by carrying on. Some days are truly difficult and situations like family celebrations but I force myself to get up, and turn up and take part. I've read lots of blogs and websites and for me knowing that  this grief is 'normal' helps immensely. I make myself lists of things I want to achieve or need to get done and try to tick something off them not always successful.  I read about afterlife from physic mediums and that too has helped to know that our loved ones are with us in particular Fara Gibson she writes won Facebook. I am by no means better. But I think grief if like the waves. Early grief is like the continual bashing of a storm but as time goes the storms aren't as often and relentless. But I really do try to function for my family, and to make Dylan proud of me. I've been to grief counseling. I take medication so I sleep.  I've also been interested in a lady from here in New Zealand who has lost a child and works on a process called resilient grieving Lucy Hone. She also has a FB page one wild and precious life. This site to has helped, some days I've ranted and had my feelings validated. I suggest you take what helps and leave what feels like harm. I hope this make sense  and especially Look after yourself and know you are not alone. Xx

Edited June 4, 2016 by Donnah
Spelling error

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

On 5/24/2016 at 6:27 PM, InHeavensKeeping said:

Cheryl I'm so sorry for your loss of your beautiful child.  I'm glad you've found your way here. It has been and still is a lifeline to me. I too was lead to this site whilst desperately looking for some help.  I lost my baby Son a year after James was born he only lived a few days and then  I lost my second Son twenty months ago he was killed by a distracted driver whilst crossing the road. It was a 32 ton truck that hit him.  The driver was speeding. But just walked away. We're fighting for Justice and truth. Like many parents here.  Please take care of yourself we all know how this grief takes its toil on your health. God Bless 

Becky thank you for your support. I worry because my health is also suffering from the stress of fighting this battle for Justice. I think you should be so proud of what you have achieved and the difference it will make. I too struggle finding happy moments. When my granddaughter is here it's easier but the sacs always there just a thought away. Thank you for the picture such a cruel statement. Xx

Dianne I'm sad your feeling low. It's does punch you straight in the stomach ripes your heart in two I feel like I just want it to stop. I'd do anything to go back so I could change what happened. I wish it was me . Take care Dianne. Xx

Dee I said just that the other day "life will never be the same again for me, I have to learn to live again" that's at least what I'm trying to do but like Dianne it knocks me off my feet most days at some point still but I get back up and keep going  I am starting to try and live my life for my other children they need me and they need me to show them the way.  

Shannon  I love the road picture and words says so much to me  I never knew how you lost your child sorry for you  take care  X

Hugs to all Xx

Dyan, John David, Erica and Andy's Mom and Dad thank you so much for your understanding.  I HATE that I am in this group, but GLAD I found you all.  It has been very rough for all of us.  People asks if you are okay, but they really don't want to know you are having a hard time.   This was my Son!  I miss him more each day.   I can't stop thinking of him 24/7.   Tony was our shining light.  His smile and personality was infectious to anyone he came in contact with.  Each day I try hard not to cry, because it seems that is what is expected of me.  Time is a healer so I am told, but I can't imagine time healing the whole in my heart.  It is still so hard for me to believe he is not here with us.  I have to look at his pictures everyday. I talk to him as if he will walk in the door any minute.   I have never gone to the scene of the accident.  I am just not sure if I ready to handle that, but I feel like I really need to go.

Tony was always up early on Memorial Day ready to cookout.  He was always a person that got easily excited about spending time and grilling for family.   It is hard to look at the NBA finals, because we would always be together watching the games.  I don't know if I can deal with this "new normal".  The pain is so overbearing at times.  My spouse, grandchildren, nieces, nephew and my mother all look to me for strength.  I try to provide that strength for them, but then I left to cry alone.   This is so under bearable.

Reading the posts from everyone else does give me some comfort.  You all let me know it is okay to cry here.  All the things I loved to do, seems so meaningless now.  What do I do? Where to I go from this point?  Will I ever "feel" anything again?  

My other Son is doing his best to make sure I am alright, but I worry about him also.  Tony was his big brother! 

My GOD bless us and comfort us all.  This is not a easy road.  

Thank you

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Would like to share this post I saw from Dee Collingo. She lost her adult daughter, Amy.

No one has the right to talk me out of my grief/love for Amy. No one knows the full impact of her physical absence in my life. No one ever has the right to decide when I should be over it. The reality of many people’s response to my deep honest and raw mourning of my child infuriates me. I encourage every griever I meet to share their honest truth. .

https://deeincollingo.com/2016/05/22/do-we-need-permission-to-mourn-our-loved-one/#more-3595

Another excellent blog article from Rhonda O'Neil

https://theothersideofcomplicatedgrief.com/2016/02/11/a-grievers-right-to-choose-their-path/

***********************************************************

Susan, thanks for sharing the sayings, they are always so helpful...thinking of you all with the flooding in your area. I know I did not mention it the other day, but I really like the picture of you with the boys sitting outside on your steps, it was so natural...those are moments...the real treasures of our life....

Dee, thanks for all the encouragement. Are you still attending the grief support group you mentioned? I thought you said they had wanted you to help lead it...did your school finally let out? Ours did the last Wednesday...

Sherry,Thinking of you as Davey's date approaches,

Also, Lora it was good to see your post the other day. I think of your Cara often as her angel date is so near Jesse's...sometimes I hear her song, I always think of her then...

Colleen, know there is a date coming up for you as well...

Georgina, thank you for sharing...

Sending out gentle thoughts to all those who are new here...take care of yourself, rest, drink lots to keep hydrated...I remember drinking a lot of smoothies in the beginning as I could not keep much down...

Thinking of all Indigoes tonight...

 

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Thx for sharing that with me Jesse David's mom.  I can totally relate to her post.  It infuriates me how others tell me that.  I guess you find out who really cares when you lose a child.  It really hurts when it's your family telling you that. I guess is cause they don't know what to say.  I'm glad I was turned on to this site my son's wonderful girlfriend.  I try to help her get through this as well.  For all the parents here that have lost their beautiful angel's, may peace be with all of us! 

[Donnah]

Hi Wendy we too are helping our sons partner age 20  of nearly 5 years through this nightmare. They bought their own home in September and she was the one who had to try resuscitation, etc until help arrived. I'm so lucky, in  the fact we are very close, she is a daughter to me. I also have another son who turned 21 in Feb. this is hard on him too he misses his best buddy and brother. My biggest hurdle is when someone who doesn't know me asks do you have children? My reply yes 2 sons but the eldest died Boxing Day. Way to kill a conversation but I then find myself explaining the situation medical misadventure and trying to make a stranger feel less uncomfortable. What do others say? Do? In this instance? I've also realized just how wonderful my husband of 25 years is, he is my rock. We made a pact to stick together through thick and thin and not let this push us apart and so far so good. We talk a lot mainly me to him as blokes don't say a lot, but when he does open up he says he feels the same about missing Dylan but also about trying to honour him with our lives. Tonight my son and Dylan's brother in law took his precious project car for a hoon. The result is they now need to put a new diff in but look at their faces. #dylanwouldlovethis

 

Edited June 5, 2016 by Donnah
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[justinsmomma]

Thank you to all that have replied to me ..I am so sorry for everyone's loss ! It's so unbearable! I know all of you unfortunately know the pain and heartache .. the overwhelming feelings... I try not to get angry at well meaning friends and family ..but it's hard...I understand they don't know what to say...there is nothing that they can say that will ever make anything better...I know I make them uncomfortable so I don't talk about it ..but I'm dead inside ..so thank you all for  listening and sharing your beautiful children with me....my son Justin was so handsome...he is a beautiful soul...he was so funny and I'll miss his infectious giggle! He loved his family so much .He always wanted to help OTHER people but I only wish he could have helped himself ..I wish I could have helped him! He was doing very well..was trying so hard to get his life on track...then he fell... I know there is a stigma regarding heroin drug death or any drug related death but it is a disease...yes is was his bad choice the very first time he did heroin..but after that it was never his choice...he didn't want to NEED that drug and he tried rehabs ..groups...many things...but this last time he went back to it ..it was laced with fentanyl.. that's what killed him ..but what people need to know is that he was an exceptionally smart caring funny wonderful person...my baby boy...not a bad person ..a sick person with a disease that is killing many sons..daughters..and I know logically I tried everything I knew to help but I wish wish wish I could have saved him from drugs...I wish wish wish I could take his place because I am dead inside anyways ..the only saving grace for me is my oldest son and my two beautiful grandchildren.. that's what keeps me here . Thank you for listening and again my heart goes out to all of you.

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

Hi Wendy,

I am very sorry for the  loss of your angel.  Tony's angel date was 03/27/16 due to a tragic car accident.  It is okay to cry here.

God Bless

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[daveydow1]

Justinsmomma-----I am sorry for your loss of your dear son.  This is

a large and pretty active site, so please come back when you feel you

want to. Everyone here knows the pain, sorrow, and regret of losing a beloved 

child.  While it is a site that no one ever wants to be a part of,  it can be

a lifeline to come and share with everyone who understands.  Peace to you.

 

TRISTA-------ANGEL   IN   HEAVEN.   SMILE DOWN ON YOUR MAMA AND FAMILY

FROM YOUR PINK HEAVEN, AND WARM THEIR HEARTS.

 

Wendy------So sorry that you have lost your dear son.  Please come

back and tell us about him, whenever you feel you would like to.

 

Cheryls------I'm sorry for your loss of your son, Tony.  With the recent loss of

a child, one often feels almost like they're in a 'dream-like state', and cannot

seem to grasp the reality of it.  Each has to walk this journey of grief in their

own time,.....no one can tell them how to do it.   There are times of hope, and

times of being in a dark place.  I have been on this site, along with Dee......for

13 years. It has been a lifeline for me.  Please  be kind to yourself.   Wishing you peace.

 

PEACE   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry  

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Cheryl, Tears in heaven,daveydow1, 

Thank you for all the encouraging words all of you have given.  Went to Ricky's cross today and mowed and cleaned up the site so the city won't take it up.  It was a tough day.  His girlfriend met me there and we cried and talked about the what ifs...if only we could've done something to keep him safe that horrible night.  I'm sure it is normal but it sure does hurt. Getting out of bed is a daily task.  I don't work nor do I get out of the house much so all I have is time to think. I think if I didn't have my fur babies I wouldn't even bother.  I'm so confused as to how I'm suppose to act or feel.  Losing Daniel and Danielle was hard, but not like this.  Ricky meant the world to me seeing as I wasn't suppose to have any babies after the twins.  He was my miracle baby! The nightmares won't go away.  I keep seeing the wreck over and over.  I can't get the images of his broken body or the mangled car out of my head.  I refuse to let anyone else see the pics of the car, including my husband.  At the time, I felt I needed to see all of it but now I'm regretting it.  The images of him and that car won't let me see the beautiful memories.  I can't sleep, eat, think or barely function.  I know it's only been 7 weeks but it feels like things are getting worse instead of better.  I'm sooooo lost! My health is going down hill and I just don't care about anything anymore.  I have no joy.  I feel so hopeless! 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[daveydow1]

Wendy----I, so, relate to your post,... as my son, David, also died in a horrific 

crash, where a huge semi mowed down my son's car.  The truck driver was

asleep at the wheel. Twenty people were sent to the hospital. My son was

sent by MedEvac to the nearest trauma center, but sadly, he died in surgery.

You mentioned having pictures of the wreck in which your dear son, Ricky,

died, and not showing them to anyone.....not even your husband.  I, too, 

have pics sent to me by the Highway Patrol, and at the time, I somehow needed

to see them.  They are so very graphic, that I have never shown them to anyone...

not even my husband.  They are locked away, and I felt as you do now----that

sometimes I wish that I had never seen them.  At your point on this rough and

sorrowful road of grief......everything must seem even unreal yet.  I, so hope that

in time it will somehow 'soften' a bit, as it has for me.  Little can be said now.....at

this recent timeline, to help very much with the raw and devastating sorrow of

losing your dear son, Ricky.  Just know that those here at this site understand,

so well, the pain.  Please come back, Wendy......we're here for all bereaved parents,

and can often be the only place where others truly understand.   Peace to you.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[johngeoffdoug]

Wendy143

Our son Geoffrey also died in a horrific accident.  My husband and I both went to the scene, but it was my husband that identified Geoffrey (I just couldn't do it)  I remember hearing my husband talk with his best friend, and the he said that the police officer asked if he was sure that was our son.  Our son died instantly (or so they tell me) from a motorcycle accident.  It happened near an open field, and he hit the one clump of trees that were there.  These memories are something my husband will take to his own grave with him.  He said the won't talk to any of our friends or family about it ... doesn't want anyone else to carry the pain and heartache of what he saw.  I feel so bad that he did this, and that I couldn't ...

A couple months ago, we had a benefit dance for the endowment that we set up at the college that Geoffrey went to, and one of the people there told me that her brother was one of the police officers at the scene, and that he had to go to counseling for three months after that accident.  Now he didn't even know Geoffrey, so I can't imagine what my husband carries with him each and every day. 

No matter how much time goes by, time can't erase those memories.  As mentioned, I think it can overshadow the "good" memories.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Found this on another blog, thought I would share:

There is no one path that a griever should walk. There is not even a right path. There is only your path.

As a griever, you are already walking a path that you did not ask to be on. The death of your loved one washed away the life path you were walking with them, and thrust you onto this unwanted and lonely path of grief and loss. A path that initially appears to lead nowhere.

You are left trying to find a passage that will eventually lead you out of the darkness and back to a place where you can begin to repair the pieces of your heart and the fragments of your altered life.

A griever has the right to choose which direction will be the most healing for their heart, even if others around them don’t understand or agree with their choices.

Do not let anyone else block your path with their version of how your grief should look, how your faith in God should look, or how your beliefs should look.

Don’t let anyone stop you from walking your path.

This path is yours to choose, and yours to walk.

[shorty16]

Rick's and Justin's Moms.

My heart breaks for another parent joining our group.  But you have come to the right place.

No judgement here!!

On June 19, it will be 8 years since I  saw my Brians face or he made me laugh.  We are here, on this road before you, to show you that we can survive this. 

Right now, you are so new.  Please just breath...eat...sleep..and try to continue on.  It will get better.  You will not always feel like this.

Colleen, Brians Mom forever