Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you for the poems...Becky and Shannon.....I think we reach deep to find someway to convey what our hearts and spirits are trying to say...in the late night hours....our grief wants to be heard...and poetry is one of the best communicators.

Love that song Laurie. My Dad would take me outside at night and sing the 'Moon Song' to me....

Francesca...I think you are doing 'as good as it gets'....if reading the bible helps...read it.....having a circle of friends is very supportive...if they are a bible group or a group in a bar....get with them. I simply think one should look in every corner to try and find a place where there is a sliver of comfort. If one wants to howl at the moon....or go fishing...or burn incense...or sit in your panties all day on the couch and cry...do it. I am an advocate in that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Recently I've been able to go through some of Trista's things and actually let go of a few. It was sort of necessary. I'd been storing a lot and I really don't want things to get ruined in storage. A few months ago, Trista's cousin and very first best friend, Jesse came to visit. She wanted me to meet her boyfriend as they've gotten pretty serious. She has a little boy, Xander. Tris was his Godmother. She just adored him. She works hard but of course everything goes to her little one. She was in need of some clothes for herself. I knew Tris would want her things shared with Jess. I feel good about that choice. One thing that's been hard to let go of is her stuffed animals. Tris collected them even as a teenager. I have a basket of them in my room and haven't been able to choose until now which I would keep. I decided on Purpleberry. It's the oldest. She's had him since she was 4 years old. The boys have each chosen and I'll donate the rest. Maybe. Maybe I'll save them. I will have  grandchildren someday who will come to visit. Anyway, I guess that's a step for me. I'm not rushing it. I'll do things as I'm ready. Just wanted to share as this was an extremely emotional thing to do. 

Shannon 

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....that is one brave step. Sharing your Trista's clothes with a best friend that can really use them...is a gift of Grace. For you and her. I let Ricky...(he is the spanish boy that my daughter and her husband was raising)....have some of John David's clothes...he was as tall as John David and he could really use them. I still have the rest and will just wait til I have the right time to decide on what to do with them. I think we will know the right time and the right decision when it comes.

[TearsInHeaven]

S

[Andy's Mom]

I came across this site while going out of my mind trying to figure out how to survive my son's death a year ago. He died 5/23/2015. Well that was the day he stopped breathing on his own and was pronounced brain dead. I am sorry if I sound bitter and angry, but these are the only things I feel besides nothing and empty. He was 45 and had become my best friend over his adult years. I have a wonderful husband that I love, but with Andy's death I feel I have no purpose left.  He had never married and never had any children. Yes, he had his own life,his own friends, his own job. He went away for college and lived away from home for a number of years after that but decided to lived at home because we have a horse farm that he pretty much managed for us since we were getting a little older. He had finally decided to marry and it was only 7 weeks before his wedding that he died. It was a freak and totally senseless event that took his life.  He decided to have some dental work done and he collapsed after the procedure.  They were unable to clear his airway for 14 minutes, so he was without air all that time and this caused brain damage.  When I saw him right after it happened his eyes were still open and I pray that he new it was me, but I'm not sure. All I saw in his eyes was fear, I could do nothing but tell him I loved him and that I would never leave him. By the time they got him in a room he was in a coma. He remained that way for 3 and 1/2 days until they declared him brain dead. I close my eyes and I see his beautiful blue eyes looking at me with fear and anguish and I can do nothing.  I am so sorry for this post but I am so alone. I can't put any more on my husband or our daughter because they too are so broken by Andy's death. I have heard all the feel good things that people have to say, but they have no idea about this kind of pain. From what I have read here, I believe that some here do understand. I have heard all the God had a plan for him and for us. God always picks better for us and so on stuff. Well, all I want is a hint about His plan. I don't need to know it all, just a hint about the BETTER part because so far there hasn't been any better that I can see.  Please forgive me for dumping all this out.  Bless you all in your grief.

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[Donnah]

Hi Andy's Mom, welcome and sending hugs from me to you. I too was with my precious son when he died and the flash backs to that day haunted me for quite sometime and still do but less so since I did this box activity by Fara Gibson she is a physic medium and you'll find her on fb. I copied and pasted this post of hers. I'm hoping it helps you xx

I hear it quite often asked of me, “How Do I Live Without Them since They’ve Died?” I want to help you to change that question. 
I ask you to replace this question with, “How can I honor my loved one’s Legacy and Keep them alive within the Hearts of Those who love them since they have Graduated in their Life’s Journey to Heaven?”
Here is what I mean by this. Without their Physical presence here with you after they pass, we tend to feel as though they are no longer with us. This is true in the physical sense. But, what about their spirit? You see, I believe that the spirit is Eternal. There is never a moment that our Spirit is affected by our physical passing. I want to try to help you to find ways to live with them since they have passed to Heaven. 
We spend our physical life sharing love. We spend our physical life creating traditions or following the traditions created by those before us. We spend our physical lives creating our own Legacy that will be remembered by those who came after us. As we share our love, traditions, and Legacy within this physical life, we leave our “Finger Print” upon this world. It is a fingerprint that could never be erased, for we absolutely existed in the Physical sense and more importantly, we still exist in the Spirit Sense in Heaven. So, when we pass, we have the ability to live on in the traditions, and the Hearts of those who love us. We also have the ability to see and hear all that our family and loved ones are doing within their life since we have passed. 
I am going to simply give you some choices here and hopefully they will be helpful. If they do not resonate with you, then simply pass them by.
When your loved one passes and the Holidays come around, What do you do? Do you close yourself off and cry in your room for them all alone the entire day because celebrating without them would be too difficult to even think of? Or, do you become the Matriarch for the family and ask each person in the family to write their favorite memory down on paper of your loved one who has passed? You take these memories and place them in a beautiful Jar that you decorated and you call it your Memory Jar. As you spend your Holidays from this day forward and the family gathers around, each Holiday, you pull one memory from the Jar and read it as a group to reminisce about your loved one who passed so that you are including them in your holidays? The choice is yours and only you can decide the answer.
When your loved one’s Birthday comes around and you are missing them dearly, do you close yourself off from those who love you and let this day devastate you to the point that you can hardly breathe at the thought of being without them? Or, do you go out and get a cupcakes? Perhaps even balloons? Maybe invite some loved ones over in honor of your loved one who passed and ask each of them to bring a toy wrapped in wrapping paper? Now, take the cupcakes, balloons, and the toys wrapped in paper to a Children’s Hospital and give them to the children there who are fighting the fight of their life and perhaps in the name of your loved one in Heaven, you will make a difference in the life of a child in need.
Do you stop working and stay indoors most days since they passed and begin to lose most of the things you worked so hard in life for? Or, do you perhaps go back to school or chase that dream job you have always wanted because you want to make your loved ones in Heaven proud?
I am sure that I could list a million different scenarios here, but, this is where I leave it up to you to created beautiful scenarios that fit within your family dynamic. For it is you that will create the traditions of keeping your loved ones alive in the hearts of others. I encourage you to find an item that you can carry with you each day that makes you feel as though you are honoring your loved one and carrying them with you. Whatever that item is, I want you to feel as though your loved one is at your side in all that you do. I assure you that as they spend time in Heaven with God, they also have the ability to see all that you do in life and that includes how you honor them. If you carry them with you, weather it is with this item, or within memories that no one could ever take away, or simply within your heart and perhaps you give a silent I Love You to them in your head as you do something that reminds you of them, then you will not feel as though you are living without them. 
I know that nothing could ever replace the physical presence of a loved one here. But, if we can learn to place our focus on carrying them with us, rather than leaving them behind, then perhaps it will make this difficult thing that we call Grief much easier for us. If your love could have saved them, they simply would have lived forever. If it were up to us, they would still be living today. Those things are simply out of our control. But, what is within our control is keeping their legacy alive. Sharing their memories and traditions with our children, friends, and family. 
The day that they passed and the way that they passed is not the reason that we love them so very much. It does tend to become a large part of our focus. We sometimes allow the way that they passed to make us feel that their passing is what they were to us. But, they were so much more than the day and way that they passed. Of course, it is a good story for them to tell in Heaven with all of the loved ones that they surround themselves with when they get there. But, their Smile, their love, their traditions, and the very essence of who they are does not reside within that passing. I am not asking you to never think of their passing again. But, what I want you to do is this, I want you to create a beautiful box within your mind. As you create this intricate box, I want you to ensure that the box has a beautiful hinged lid that is very heavy. I ask that you take any negative thoughts, feelings, and emotions that are associated with your loved one’s passing and I want you to place them all within this box. (Be sure to put anything else negative that you are carrying within this box as well since you have it open to do so) Now, I want you to close the lid to your box. The lid is Heavy and it will slam shut nicely for you. On the front of the box lid, there is a hole for a key and you have possession of this beautifully detailed key. Now, lock the box. After you lock the box, I want you to place the key within your heart for safe keeping. Now, pick that box up and hold it for the last time as you hand it to God. The burden within this box is no longer yours to carry and it will be kept safe for you as you live your life free from the pain that you placed within that box. I want you now to begin to replace any stray painful thoughts that may come to you from this moment forward with beautiful memories of how they lived. 
Have a Blessed Day Everyone!

[Andy's Mom]

Donnah:    Thank you for your response. Your suggestions, or should I say, Fara Gibson's, are interesting. At this point I think I may be willing to try anything. These next few days will be very hard for me any my family.  I appreciate your caring to write and give me these suggestions  I will pray on it and maybe bring it to the family to see if they would be open to trying some of her processes.  I guess my real problem is that I just don't understand why. I'm sure this is not anything new to any parent on this site, but oh I beg for some kind of answer. I also know that I will not have an answer here in this world, but that doesn't seem to stop my mind from asking. Sometimes I just wish my mind could just turn off and stop asking questions that have no answers.  I truly do appreciate you sending me the message. It has brought a bit of distraction and for that I am truly grateful.   

[Mermaid Tears]

I had this same thing....unanswered questions...but answered prayers...

I would ask...'WHY'.....

I would ask to sustain me...and I would be...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...help this parent out....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[InHeavensKeeping]

Andys mum I'm so sorry for your loss  you have indeed stumbled upon a place where you will find support and guidance from other grieving parents and grandparents. A few of  who are further along.in thier grief and can offer a glimps of hope and how they have got there.

  I like you,  don't know how I came upon this forum.  I was desperately looking for ' help ' having just lost my 30 year old Son.  I understand how you feel as I am only twenty months into this journey. My Son was on his own when he died . He was knocked over and killed by a 32 ton fully loaded truck by a  distracted driver. It completely tears me apart knowing he was alone. 

I don't know what to say to help you. Just day by day, step by step, there are no answers to this I had already lost my baby boy he was born a year after James his name was Peter he only lived a few days. 

Take Care please God Bless xx

              I know I am still with you, in your
              Prayers, your thoughts, your heart.
              And though you cannot see me,
              I will always be a part;
              Of life's sweet celebrations
              In those times when you reflect
              On how, though things are different
              Through our love, we still connect.
              We'll see each other someday
              When our spirits all are free,
              Until then, I am with you,.
              Because you remember me.

[InHeavensKeeping]

 

Posted Wednesday at 10:52 PM · Report post

Oh God just missing James so much. Thought I'd share this such pretty words. 

Thank you Laurie I really agree with this  statement "Everything helped a little, nothing helped a lot " so true.  I truly couldn't have of survived without all your support and the guidance given here Xx

God Bless Xx 

 

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❤️JAMES "A SHINING STAR " and "GUIDING LIGHT " to so many XX❤️

❤️Together with his brother baby Peter Forever XX❤️

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Andy's Mom,

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your Andy. You did find a good place. Everyone here has 'been there'. I first found this place just weeks after losing my Daughter, Trista. I found it 'accidentally' and I've read that others have found this place just when they needed it... sometimes searching for something else entirely. No matter how you found it, you have found a place full of compassion and understanding. Your words touch my heart... I can remember coming here and being so broken and so raw... and others here, some who have been here for years... who keep coming back to reach out a hand... reached out to me. I can honestly say, this place has been a lifeline.

My Trista died when the car she was a passenger in was hit by a tanker truck. The truck driver, who was never prosecuted, was imo, completely distracted. He had been working a second shift after already working an 8 hour day. He ignored, cautionary signs to reduce his speed... but the reality is... no matter how we lost our precious Child... and for some of us... Children... this is a pain that is indescribable. 

I understand completely, how the platitudes of others can really hurt more than help. I, as well as many others here, have some 'horror stories' of some pretty awful and ignorant things that were said. I do believe people mean well... but no one can even allow their mind to imagine... let alone understand... how we feel.

I know the pain is so intense... and EVERYTHING HURTS... I can tell you it does get softer in time... I was told that but the idea seemed absolutely impossible.

Just please keep coming and reading and sharing.... I went back to previous posts and read... and was able to follow the journeys of others who post here. It helped me feel less alone...

Just know that we are here to hear you.

Shannon... Trista's Mom Forever... 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[InHeavensKeeping]

Sorry I don't know how that post with the song repeated. I don't know how to deleat it  

[Mermaid Tears]

We all have had family and friends to say certain things...after the loss of our child...'God needed another angel'....'He/She is in a better place'.....

Do not dwell on what they say....just let it go...for they...(and really I didn't know about this kind of grief until I lost my John David)....cannot understand this kind of grief until it happens to you...

[ericasmom]

Andy's Mom, I am sorry to welcome you here, but so glad that you stumbled upon us. We used to be called " BEYOND INDIGO" a much more beautiful name for what we are feeling, Beyond Blue.

I lost my Girl Erica, almost 13 years ago, she was 19. I stay here along with others to reach out a hand and an ear to listen to others who need to be heard, who need to be hugged even if it is virtual. I found this place 6 months after Erica was killed, and I have gone away from the site a few times, when I needed to just be very quiet and regroup, but mostly I am here. In order for me to know that I had a purpose in life, I found reaching out to other parents helped me to find my way. After reading some of the wonderful words from other parents here responding to you, I am so glad to see the healing going on within them, some of them early on in their grief journey like yourself...there is hope inside some where previously there was not. That is what I always pray for, that new parents to this extreme sadness, find hope again. It is not easy.

As far as the question of Why, I never asked it. I immediately knew that I needed to ask HOW? How will I help my Son find his footing after losing his sister? How will I find a way to still be productive when grief has taken up residence in my bones and blood? How was the way that kept me going, and Why? Well why is not for us to know at this juncture...and Why will just spin your wheels. Please let us know more about your Son when you can, more about your life on the horse farm as well. We are here, all hours of the day and night.

Peace All-

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Dee I've never thought of it that way, focusing on the  How can I... Thank you. You get so focused on 'why' and 'if' well I have been . I try with all my being to take on the the advice of all the grieving parents, as like you they can speak from experience and time.  Thank you Dee for all the time you give us here . I wouldn't of survived without it. I love your poems and the way you express things.

 There are so many on here who are amazing people Laurie, Kate, Sherry, Becky, Susan, Shanno, Wade and many more I just want to thank all of you. On behalf of all of us who are new to this forum  Dianne, Francesca, Donna....

I'm going to a TCF event today. A picnic where we can be together in our grief..

_________________________________________________________________________
Dear friend,
You are most cordially invited to an informal bring-and-share and fundraising gathering of fellow bereaved parents on
SUNDAY MAY 22nd
The day will be held - for the ninth time now - in a most beautiful and picturesque venue in the Surrey countryside. All members of The Compassionate Friends are invited to this special open day for bereaved parents and we do hope that we will see many of you there.
The day will be informal, unstructured, and hospitable, centred on food, conversation and friendship. 

God Bless Georgina xx

[ericasmom]

Georgina, how sweet of you to say that...I am glad if it helps out some. It is what we mostly do, what if, why??? But what if will drive you nuts with guilt when in fact, we cannot change what occurred, Lord knows we wish that we could...how is the factor for me, because there are many ways to use HOW in your life from here out. I do so hope that the day is fine and beautiful for the TCF event. You will feel James there with you, so proud of you to have found ways to live in this new world.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I do believe with all my heart that you have been the most healing part of my grief journey. It was if you gave me a soft place to fall.

I call this my years of 'Unanswered questions....and Answered prayers'.....I would ask 'WHY'....and there was no voice....I prayed for HIM to give me support and strength to sustain me and and my family....and I was sustained.

You did lead me in learning 'HOW' to travel this foreign land without my child.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Andy's Mom, I am sorry for the loss of your dear son. I saw in your profile that you are coming up on an anniversary date here. Those marker times are always difficult. I agree with other parent's have posted to you...

...I had many people say many things to me, some was misguided, some was out of genuinely trying to help, and some was to try and preserve their own world and belief systems. For me,  I would say most fell into the latter camp.

It is okay to feel what you feel, and there is no one that should try and "hurry" you through...it is your own unique journey. My mom, also a double child loss like myself, always has said to take what makes sense to you, and leave the rest...something I have applied to other's comments and also reading materials. 

Another thing I have done, is to create a "sacred" space in the home -- there is an area I keep for my son, with his pictures, meaningful mementoes and where I light prayer candles. Others here have done gardens which is also very healing and helps them connect with their child.

Somedays can be really bad, and I do take those and keep apart and even rest. Other days, one can breathe a little easier…I try to catch up then.

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

[Mermaid Tears]

As always Laurie....you cover a lot of hurt and bruised places with your healing words...

 

Found this old photo...me, John David and Jesse....taken on vacation in New Braunsfels...I have had to 'sort through' a lot of stacks of 'stuff' in my office...as many parents on this site knows...one learns to 'put and push' things aside...in not wanting to slip into an emotional landslide....but I simply have to get organized in some way or fashion...

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Made me think of this place...

[ericasmom]

Beautiful thoughts from beautiful people, people who have been laid open to the forces of grief and all it causes in us, but have also found the absolute human connection to others in need. It is part and parcel who we are now, and I can honestly say that our Kids must be smiling. Proud that in their leaving we have found a way to breathe and connect and walk and assist.

Susan, that I helped you land in a soft spot makes my heart smile...I love the photo of you and the boys...that Mary Steenburgeon look to you. So pretty.

I have always been deeply touched by the care of others here at Indigo, today my heart is filled by it and my eyes are overflowing from it. Kindness is the prettiest thing to give.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Broken...shattered....tired and bruised. Dianne....those words describe how this kind of grief can impact a parent. As we travel this grief journey we will see a piece of our heart along the way and pick it up....then we will see a piece of our spirit and pick it up....then a piece of our soul...and gather it up. We will slowly have some pieces of who we once were.....

Where I am now on this journey is I have many pieces...like a jig saw puzzle....I will re-construct myself and it will be somewhat like a mosaic.

[Cheryl, Tony's Mom]

New to the site.  I really don't where to begin.   I lost my son, Antonio on Easter Sunday (03/27/16) due to a car accident.  He was driving with his 3 kids coming from DC on spring break vacation.  It was raining, he hit standing water, lost control of the car, hydroplaned and his a concrete poll.   All three of the kids were injuryed, one very  badly.   Children were hospitalized for a week.   We have been so busy taking care of the kids, I am just beginning to fully realize he is gone.  I keep waiting for him to call me like he always did every two days.  Waiting for him to walk in the door, "Ma where are you; you didn't cook today".   This is the hardest thing in my life.   Most Sundays, I am emotional because that is the day he "flew away".  My son loved children. He had his own  football league with over 150+ children.  He coached basketball and track.   You would always see him a load of children in his car.  His children are 17, 13 and 12.  Two beautiful girls and he finally got his son.  It has been hard for me to write about him in past tense.  

I thank GOD for carrying me each day.  I just wake up anything else in HIS doing.  Actually this has been the 1st time I have been able to really write about my son.  He was 42yrs and 90 days old.  I visit the cemetery on the days I can't stop the tears.  It gives me comfort.   I miss him so.   I am thankful he left me 3 beautiful grandchildren and a wonder daughter in love.  

[Donnah]

Hi Cheryl, welcome. I am relatively new to this site. My son Dylan age 22 passed 26/12/15 due to medical  misadventure. I'm sorry you have had find us but know we are all here to listen to you and share your stories and journey. Donna  Xx

[Mermaid Tears]

Dear Cheryl....am so so sorry to hear that your SONshine boy has left this earth home....my son, John David left in 2012....he, too, was 42....this is the kind of grief that is very heavy and dark. We always tell parents that come to this site to 'self care'....drink plenty of fluids...and give yourself time for rest. Do whatever you think will bring you a sliver of comfort. None of us are therapists, counselors or professionals on this site....we are simply a group of parents that has lost a child...(some parents on this site has lost 2).....and we come here for support and strength to go one day at a time. Many on this site has been on this site for years...I call them our 'spirit guides'....they are farther along the grief journey and they wave to us....to let us know that we can survive this. Your boy will be missed by many in his community...the earth home....what an amazing boy you raised. Please read the other postings...and I hope you will find a word or words that can let you know you do not walk this alone. Many walk in your shoes. I know it must be a sliver of comfort to have that strong and loving family circle around you. Peace to you and yours.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Welcome, Cheryl and Andy's mom, as well. So very sorry you have reason to be here, but you will find here an amazing group of parents that understand, and will try to help you on this journey you have been thrust into. 

I lost my youngest child, Jared, who was only 15 when he was hit and killed here only a quarter of a mile from our country home. I found this forum two months later, and that was 2011. There are some here that have been here for many more years than that, who continue as our "guides". 

I can relate to your son, Cheryl,  in that myself and my husband were  involved in youth sports here in our town for more than twenty years, and during the time my son, Jared was involved in football , baseball and basketball, we had many weekends with four or five "extra" boys in our house! We continued in the administrative positions for the football program for another year after losing Jared, but then decided it was too much. We still hear from kids and parents we worked with, and have never regretted the time spent. 

Diane and Georgina, I spent countless hours trying to understand the "why", and resigned myself to trying to find ways to honor my son's memory by changing the speed limit here on our road, only lowered by 5mph, but it was an unbelievable uphill battle, as was the seeking of justice for my son, which did not result in any  criminal charge, but the driver was successfully sued for wrongful death,  In that she was IMO, driving impaired  and inattentive. We are still seeking a change in law that enabled the driver to escape criminal charges, as our state does not have an open container law. Hope to hear something on that next month. We just celebrated what would have been my son's  20th birthday, this past month, and my heart still aches for him. 

Looking back at my journey, I feel like I spent the first month's in shock, then the next two years on the adrenaline of seeking justice, every day praying that something would happen to put it all into perspective, that she would pay for the pain and loss for myself and my family, and then the next two years in deep despair because nothing was  done. Now, approaching 5 years since that horrible night, I struggle with health issues that I know are a direct result of the amount of stress I have been under, and trying to find a way to find any bit of joy. It will never be the same, I will never be the same. I can only do the things I can to try to prevent another such tragedy and to lend a hand to others  who find themselves on this walk.

God  bless us all.

 

 

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[ericasmom]

Cheryl, I am so sad that you lost your Son, so so sorry for your broken heart. We all broke apart from the losses we experienced, and we will put ourselves back together again piece by piece as Susan indicates, but it takes time and patience, grief is a process that is not to be rushed, in fact grief is a forever state of being, but we find ways to live with it, with the love in tact and the devotion to our Babies also intact. One cannot ask a friend to hurry up and be normal again, so one should not ask themselves to do so either...we are humans, we are never to live the life we had, we are set on a new course, even though we don't want to, and our job is to find our best way to live in the light that our Children have left for us. As time ticks slowly by, it also ticks very quickly and we find time to be very confusing. Don't for one minute take for granted, that you have suffered a deep shock to your whole being, and you must tend your body and mind and spirit tenderly and with the love your Son would insist upon. He will always be your Son, you will always be his precious Momma.

[InHeavensKeeping]

The day was really beautiful but sad at the TCF event. Just to sit with other parents who understood.  To listen and be listened too . No one saying "it's time to move on" just time with lovely people who all had unique stories but wanting from each other a chance to talk about their journey of grief and  you couldn't help but feel a kind of comfort from feeling your not alone and that what you are feeling is normal. We felt the same

There was hope there.  When you saw parents that were twenty three years along this road and they could tell you how've they've got there. One mum said to me that she lives her life for her other children and grandchildren that she is the one that has to be there for them to help them be able to live their lives as she's the one with life experience. 

A grieving mum had opened her home for us all to gather there. It was in the Surrey hills.  The most beautiful house and grounds I've ever seen. They had designed a long walk in part of the grounds where you could walk and sit at the end of it surrounded by flowers, buttiflies and nature just to reflect. So peaceful and calm. The smell of the flowers there so fragrant. The sound of the birds, just a place to sit and think and maybe heal 

xx

[InHeavensKeeping]

Cheryl I'm so sorry for your loss of your beautiful child.  I'm glad you've found your way here. It has been and still is a lifeline to me. I too was lead to this site whilst desperately looking for some help.  I lost my baby Son a year after James was born he only lived a few days and then  I lost my second Son twenty months ago he was killed by a distracted driver whilst crossing the road. It was a 32 ton truck that hit him.  The driver was speeding. But just walked away. We're fighting for Justice and truth. Like many parents here.  Please take care of yourself we all know how this grief takes its toil on your health. God Bless 

Becky thank you for your support. I worry because my health is also suffering from the stress of fighting this battle for Justice. I think you should be so proud of what you have achieved and the difference it will make. I too struggle finding happy moments. When my granddaughter is here it's easier but the sacs always there just a thought away. Thank you for the picture such a cruel statement. Xx

Dianne I'm sad your feeling low. It's does punch you straight in the stomach ripes your heart in two I feel like I just want it to stop. I'd do anything to go back so I could change what happened. I wish it was me . Take care Dianne. Xx

Dee I said just that the other day "life will never be the same again for me, I have to learn to live again" that's at least what I'm trying to do but like Dianne it knocks me off my feet most days at some point still but I get back up and keep going  I am starting to try and live my life for my other children they need me and they need me to show them the way.  

Shannon  I love the road picture and words says so much to me  I never knew how you lost your child sorry for you  take care  X

Hugs to all Xx

[rlolheiser]

Just got out of the hospital tonight.  I was knocked down hard, I think I let myself to weakened.. and paid a price.  I was put on a ventilator.. not pretty..   when I finally woke up I had no idea what happened.  I couldn't speak, hear..  my throat was so sore from having tubes.  My family was readying to bury me  I believe mom dad and Jaboa made me come back.. I have to much to do.  My hearing still is really off, I can finally talk...have a really bad cough.  I am now on oxygen  the doctor says I still have a long haul...  but may not get better no promises..    I had to let you know I am thinking of you and al of our angels  please think of me... say a prayer.. I don't want my son to have go through this again until I am much older  guess it asks a lot...I am tired tonight... take care friends

[Donnah]

45 minutes ago, rlolheiser said:

Just got out of the hospital tonight.  I was knocked down hard, I think I let myself to weakened.. and paid a price.  I was put on a ventilator.. not pretty..   when I finally woke up I had no idea what happened.  I couldn't speak, hear..  my throat was so sore from having tubes.  My family was readying to bury me  I believe mom dad and Jaboa made me come back.. I have to much to do.  My hearing still is really off, I can finally talk...have a really bad cough.  I am now on oxygen  the doctor says I still have a long haul...  but may not get better no promises..    I had to let you know I am thinking of you and al of our angels  please think of me... say a prayer.. I don't want my son to have go through this again until I am much older  guess it asks a lot...I am tired tonight... take care friends

Sending you healing prayers xx

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Leah...praying for healing for you...physically and spiritually...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Leah praying for you God Bless X 

[shorty16]

Hello my friends,

it has been a while since I have posted, but I think of you daily.

Donnah,. I love the Fara Gibson article.  That article identifies where we all want to be.  But the road to getting there is difficult.  Thanks for posting.

Shannon,. I am also anxious as Brians Angel date (6-19-2008) and Birthday (7-12-1991) approach.  I have come to the realization that this time of year will always be difficult.  Hurray for you making it to the store without turning around.  

Andy's Mom,  I am so sorry about your loss.  You have come to the right place.  I can understand why you feel so terrible.  For me, the second year after Brians death was worse than the first.  Reality was slapping me in the face.  Hold on, we are here and understand your pain.  It is ok to feel the way you do.  Consider yourself hugged.

It is finally warm in Wisconsin.  That is good heading into Memorial Day weekend....4 days off for me.

love to you all

Colleen, Brians Mom forever 

[Mermaid Tears]

Well....our sweet spot in Texas got about 22 " of rain yesterday and last night....some houses got water....many country roads are closed and small bridges are damaged....my SIL and my GRANDson were in town and could not make it home so they spent the night...(the two roads leading to their house in the country are closed and two bridges are damaged)...George went this morning and walked across the bridge and then to the house and brought Pibby here...Ran is staying to be there when the power is turned on.....blessed in that we are safe.....Bryan had a small tornado that did a lot of damage in two subdivisions...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[rlolheiser]

it is such a rollercoaster trying to get back to feeling well.  I found out for sure that my husbnd really loves me.. something I questioned since Losing Ja Boa.

There are so many relatives and friends with their own thoughts on this. kinda keeps me busy and in thought.

 

My granddaughter who is the same age as JaBoa.. one that felt so lost so long called me last night.. she is due to deliver 3rd great grand child called me feeling guilty.  I told her it was really hard what I went through.. she says yea granma I know.. JaBoa wanted you and I had to fight with her to keep you here and I won...  part of it made me feel good and part made me feel bad...   Catti brie was the same age as jaBoa and always felt survivor guilt....  I told her that wasn't the way JaBoa told me...  I told her they all talked to me.. but nobody wanted me.. they just told me to be more careful...  confusing

 

for not being on pain pills my mind is way out there...  I do thank everybody for all the prayers and wishes sent my way.  I took off my oxygen at 7 this morning.. and it has stayed over 90.  I am doing wonderful..  thank you angels.. parents.. everybody  I am doing amazing

[Donnah]

Glad you ^ are on the improve. Sorry I don't know everyone's names. 22inches of rain wow. We are entering our winter here in New Zealand and our warm dry Autumn has turned cold and wet just as begun renovations to build a conservatory. Dylan sent me an amazing rainbow the other day it was spectacular. Thank you to all who share their journey here it helps to know we are not alone with our grief. "A shitty club" as one friend put it. Much love Donna 

[rlolheiser]

Donna, I am Leah, I have been in and out of this forum for way to many years.  I was totally lost when found this incredible bunch of angels.  I lost my angel almost 10 years ago.  She was 10..  with the same accident that took her away from us way to soon, it brought my mom to live with me so I could keep her out of  an elder care.  I didn't often feel I belonged here because I am JaBoa's grandma, but everybody let me cry scream laugh..  made me feel like I wasn't a total nut.  I still have lots of ups and downs.  the long and short of it, I found it was ok to come here and read and share angels.. I still read..  not a big poster, but I have learned so much..  and still learn..  sorry your sharing this group, but like I said...  without it...  I would be a worse mess than I am.   Mom passed last July and the year was harder than I thought  I still read here.. and I still try to make sense of the word... so far I haven't found the earth shaking answers to life.. I just find more questions ...and sadly more angels... they are all treasured. all gone to soon...  all missed more than words could ever say...   

[Donnah]

Hi Leah, I hope your health has improved even more and continues to do so. I wish I could find those answers too instead of the pain I often sit in feeling so blind sided by the loss of my precious son Dylan. It's been a 6 month ride of hell. Losing Dylan two weeks after a surgery to a clot. I struggle to lead this new 'normal existence" I sleep a few hours at a time often waking with nightmares of the day he passed and relive the weeks after his surgery with the what ifs I can't change. I am fighting for a change to our health system that would see patients informed and treated with VTE so that the to don't die needlessly. The hospital have not admitted any wrong doing so Dylan case is before an independent enquirer for review but can't pin my hopes in them either, so I'm stuck in this holding pattern. Wishing my son was here, realizing he's not and crying my heart out. Life feels so cruel the greatest of highs we fell from to this the greatest of lows. I was sent a new photo of Dylan at a wedding with his gorgeous girlfriend who continues to be a huge part of our lives. 

[ericasmom]

Leah, I am so grateful that you are getting better but so very sorry that you were so weakened. Are the doctors saying what you are dealing with, was it exhaustion, high blood pressure??? Asthma? Please continue to heal. JaBoa is watching you heal and smiling, she knows you still have some living to do here before you see her again. Your life has never been easy, you rarely stop working for everyone in your family, but your body said NO! You must listen to that and take care of your physical self so taht the your spirit and soul can also be healthy. Yes, so many questions, but no, no answers. Some questions simply have no one answer or any at all. We sometimes have to give up the question rather than beat ourselves to find an answer.

Susan, I am very glad that your family is okay, I saw that flooding and wondered if you were affected. Most times you aren't but this time...so stay safe, cook one of those amazing meals you make and stay dry.

Colleen I know that the angel dates and birthdate are coming up for you and Shannon. It is a time I am sure, that it may be hard to take a good breath, so much remembering steals that sometimes, so remember to breathe and treat your body with care.

Donnah, the rainbow is lovely, a sure sign of Love from above, asking you to believe in the miracles all around.

[Mermaid Tears]

Before an angel date or birthday....I start a 'Walk of Dread'....it is an emotional and physical knee jerk reaction...try to stay in a 'place of peace'....just give yourself extra time to do everything...don't expect too much from yourself or others....try not to 'over think' it....

Dee....for the most part....we feel blessed....there was just minor flooding to a few homes..and businesses...the real damage has been to roads and bridges..some houses had trees fall on them...once more...blessed there was no injuries....two people died...because they tried to drive through deep water on the roads..so sad. My daughter and her family have only two ways out of their country home....the one road that is the shortest route has a bridge that has been very damaged...the other road will take them 30 miles one way to town...so...for them to go to school...work....grocery store, etc....will be a 60 mile round trip. Still blessed in that we are safe and together.