Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Maryanne, thank you for the post, we have missed you. The post was RIGHT-ON and well said. How have you been?

Laurie, love the flowers and the pretty starfish from Susan. I am sure that your Mom really appreciated your being there with her on your Sister's birthday.

Susan, love all the grandparenting advice and photos...the bath is especially great. What a wonderful Grammy you are.

The 31st marked Michael, my Childrens' Dad's angelversary...7 years. He died nearly 7 years after Erica. He was diagnosed with leukemia two years prior to succumbing to its ravage.

Prayers please for my dear co-worker and friend who has been diagnosed with stage4 melanoma. She stopped teaching as soon as she was told cancer and at first they called it stage 3, which is awful in its own right. With further tests, it is worse than even that. So prayers for Patti, who is a wonderful woman. She and I went out for coffee and oatmeal the other day to just talk and cry and talk and laugh. I am praying that all the new treatments for her kind of illness may be able to save her life at least for several years.

Peace Gang

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....I am always struck sideways when I hear news of a young woman ...young man....in their prime...with young children...getting the news of a terrible

cancer/disease. I think of their abject fear. How to console? How to make sense of senseless ? It is said...'the rain falls on the just and unjust'...in so many scenarios...so many innocents are struck. There are many medical advanced treatments now being offered. I pray that she can find the right medical team to help her on this journey of treatment. Beyond sad.

"I thought I was too old to fall in love again...and then I had my first GRANDchild"....that pretty well sums up how I feel about being a Nonnie. And...one gets another new name. One gets to be very, very silly...color outside the lines....and not worry about all the 'rules'...(that is for Mom and Dad).....I am the frosting on the cake. It is almost like being able to re-enter childhood again...with lots of wisdom.

 

Laurie...I am honored that I could give your Mom a remembrance gift....both of you have had such double losses...both of you cling to each other to find strength and balance. I sometimes let my thoughts wander through my memory halls....I think of my little Mama and how she would have taken losing her GRANDson, John David, and I don't think it would have been a good scene. As much as I have needed them....I am in agreement with the fates that be...that they did not have to face or deal with that on this earth home. It is enough for me to deal with my other adult children/GRANDchildren on this grief journey.

[shorty16]

Hello friends,

I saw this quote yesterday:

Dont complain about getting old...some never get the privilege.

Missing my boy.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever 

[Mermaid Tears]

Well that quote has a profound truth in it, Colleen....you once stated that you made grief your friend...

we do grieve as we have loved...and now I am in my 4th year...I can see it through the fog my mind has had ...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dianne,  hopefully things can eventually turn around that you can be near your Daughter and grandchild…it does help to have that connectiveness…I lived in Wyoming for a while many years ago…did not find it as bad as I thought it would be…

Dee, will send prayers for your friend there…that is always difficult to find out that kind of news, it gives one much to ponder about, the brevity of life…how touching you were able to share with her directly and just be there for her…thank you for being an “angel” to so many…

I have wondered about your ex-husband, if after all that was endured with Erica’s passing, the grief just settled into his body somehow…sending gentle thoughts.

Colleen, good to see your boy’s face today…some days there is just the missing. Hugs.

Sherry, hope all is well your way…we are still getting snow here…maybe we have seen our last snowfall of the season…

Wayne, what a beautiful marker that is a testament to your love for your son, Logan.

Thinking of every one today…Georgina, Shannon, Gretchen, Becky, Lora, Sandy, and so many who stop in here…thank you all for sharing this path with me.

It is still very unbearable at times but having each other takes the edge off a bit.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, I agree with the Grief is a Pilgrimage. It is a walk where the pain is carried, with some days, the pain is carried more gracefully than others. On other days, it is enough just to make it though the day and be relieved when it is evening again.

Always in my Heart..my boys Jesse and Taylor

 

[Mermaid Tears]

what a gorgeous photo/picture that is Laurie....we are finding out that there is no destination to this grief journey...there is no way to hide from the holidays..gatherings...family birthdays...celebrations....unless we cut ourselves off and become recluses...and then...what good would that do to the rest of our family...?? It would be a double kind of grief for them...even though we would be cocooned. Another kind of death. I watched this documentary while walking on my treadmill called 'Something is Wrong with Aunt Dianne'...(will check the title again later)....in one family....all 3 children died..all daughters...they would not be interviewed for the documentary....of course, we understand why....but the sheer enormous weight of their grief touched me.

[ericasmom]

Pretty picture Laurie. Yes, I do believe that Michael became sick from the trauma endured in Erica's death...the lawsuit and just the guilt. He got sick 5 years after Erica died, our lawsuit ended after 4 years, and he died on March 31st, his funeral was on Erica's 25th birthday. Tomorrow is her 32nd birthday. Amazing to me...I am listening to All Things Must Pass by George Harrison, which is a perfect song for right now. I just wrote my annual birthday letter for Erica's aunts and cousins and friends and her beloved Brother, Jon.

I am off to bed, back to school tomorrow, and it is late...but I am glad to see you all this evening. We went to Grandies house today for Erica's 3rd birthday party...her birthday is Tuesday, the 5th. Magic hu? I do believe so.

[Mermaid Tears]

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Laurie thank you for your prayers of which are very much needed. The tree picture is really beautiful.

Dee how sad for your friend I will keeping your friend and her family in my prayers . I'm so sorry about Micheal xx

Maryanne thank you for sharing the story from the  old man  of life and death, he  has such a good insight into our grieving journey.  I can really relate to how he decribes it. 
"As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive."

Thank you

I'm  so tired at the moment I don't seem to have any strength left these days I'm using all my reserves fighting this case. It's so hard  and the steps are very small. I met with one of the witnesses on Tuesday to discuss what she had seen and it was extremely hard she was one of the last people who saw my beautiful child alive. 

God Bless everyone thinking of you all and praying for all our angels  xxxx

[InHeavensKeeping]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Erica may your mum feel your sweet presence today xxx 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....all of us on this site owes you a tremendous 'HUG'....we are all grateful for all the care...consideration...compassion...you have freely given to all of us...I really do believe with all my heart that the place I find myself now with MY grief is a place of 'self care and balance' because of you. You have guided all of us with our shattered hearts because you know so well...we needed someone to reach their hand and heart to us...the parents blinded by this kind of grief..lost on this earth home without our child. Letting us know that we can survive. Sending you thoughts and prayers that this day will be gentle with you...you will wrap your love and spirit around your child...I don't think even death can separate a Mother from her child.

[ericasmom]

Thank you all for sharing your love and hope here with me and Erica. I know that our Angels are singing up a storm and dancing along...I know Erica is shining her light for All to find their way. You give to those newer to this place as I gave/give to you...it is the way we do things here. I am glad that I could be of help to you.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Happy Heavenly Birthday ERI !!

Wrap your wings around your mama today, let her feel you all around...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Last night I had a dream of Jared, and I posted what it was about on his FB page, so I wouldn't forget it. I will paste it here, if anyone has any thoughts:   Jared, I  had a dream of you last night! The 3rd one since you left us for heaven, not sure what it means, but you were about 10, and we, you and I, were getting ready to go somewhere, you dressed in grey sweatpants, and the Adidas Orange sweatshirt, and we were walking out of this big old house, not sure whose it was, and you somehow got outside before me, and when I got to the van, you weren't there. I started yelling your name, over and over, you didn't answer, so I walked behind the house and found you lying on your stomach with a paint brush in your hand, and you told me you were painting a rug for Grandma. I saw the rug, but couldn't tell what was on it. I began telling you the importance of answering me and listening to me, and threatened to call some official person and tell them you weren't listening to me. You got this 'pouty' face on, and then I woke up. Wth?? Then I was awake for hours before I could fall back to sleep. I thought of all the times you didn't answer your phone when I called you, and how upset I would get, and usually you weren't doing anything wrong, you just would get sidetracked. I miss you so much son, and love you infinity and beyond!! <3 Mom

[adam's mum]

Hello

 

I am trying to post about my son but I am not sure how to do this

 

[Mermaid Tears]

adam's mum....you are doing fine....I read your post....please tell us about your son....

[adam's mum]

I lost Adam on the 28th Feburary. Nothing seems real anymore. Nothing makes sense.

I'm sorry I thought I could talk about him but I can't. I can't stop shaking and crying. Sorry

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[daveydow1]

Adamsmom----I am sorry for your loss of your dear son, Adam.  I hope that

you will return to this site.  Peace & comfort to you.

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

 

HAPPY  HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY,  ERICA.  FLY HIGH IN HEAVEN.

REST UPON A FLUFFY PINK CLOUD, AND SMILE DOWN ON

YOUR DEAR MAMA AND THE REST OF THE FAMILY, AND

WARM THEIR HEARTS.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Donnah]

Hi Adam's mum, we are hear for you in what ever you want to share.

Erica's mum we too had our angel Dylan's birthday this week. I asked that his family and friends do a random act of kindness in his memory and I think he'd be stoked with what was done by so many. 

I find myself trying to leave my pain for the privacy of our home and trying damn hard to be ok in front of colleagues and associates that most nights I'm exhausted yet don't sleep without medication. The interim hospital report is due 24 April and we've had no contact since our meet and greet with them and subsequent news paper article. The good thing is people are more aware of how neglegent Dylan's care was.

we are off to the beach this weekend another another way to celebrate and honour Dylan's life. 

Todays photo is one taken 5 yeas ago when Dylan's team won gold in the National Secondary School Canoe Polo tournament 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Donnah I'm so sorry to have missed Dylan's Heavenly Birthday I hope you felt him close to you that day. 

Thats a lovely picture of him  I hope you have a good time at the beach   Take care x

Adams mum I'm so sorry for your loss  I hope you can work your way to posting on this forum.  I lost my Son 

nineteen months ago and the pain is still raw.  Every day I take a few steps forward and a few steps back but

i can honestly say I could not have done it without the amazing grieving parents who have walked this path before 

Me and have supported me through and still are in my darkest hours and shown me there is a life to follow not the 

same as before but a glimps and a little hope 

Dee, Sherry, Kate, Laurie, Wade, Susan, Gretchen, Becky, Colleen,

and Diane and Francesca who are close to me in their loss ,

thank you all I hope you don't mind but I call you my friends now as when I lost James I seemed to loose my friends as well  

God Bless and Peace Georgina xx

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[adam's mum]

Adam was/is 24yrs old. The youngest of my five children. My baby.

My world stopped on the 24th December 2014 when he was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumour. They said it was incurable but I refused to believe that. For months i was convinced that the hospital were going to realize that they had made a mistake but they never did. Then i was sure that they would somehow find a cure. Then i prayed to God because surely there would be a miracle. Now 14 months later my darling son is no longer here. I miss him so much. There is so much else i want to say but i'm finding it so hard to talk about

 

[Donnah]

Hi Adam's mum, sending hugs to you xx

[ericasmom]

Thanks Everyone for your gorgeous words of Erica, the pictures and the love. Thanks so much. Always 19 but would be 32.

Adams Mom, I am so sorry that Adam died, that he suffered through a frightening diagnosis and lived as long as he could given his circumstances. It is the hardest loss ever, our CHild, so don't be hard on yourself with us...you tell us what you can when you can. We all get it, we all are holding your hand. All of our stories are different but we all know grief and we are here for each person who finds this site. I have been here nearly 13 years...a long long time but then, one day is long isn't it, when a child dies. Keep coming here to read and post what you can. Don't worry about knowing our names as eventually, you will know who is who.  How are Adam's siblings with their grief?

Donnah, I am sorry that I did not know that it was your Angeldate time. Blessings and may you know that we hold you as you find your way. I echo Dianne and will  committ a random act in Dylan's honor. It amazes me when I think of all the ways our Children have been thought of  by their good buddies, such a great thing, to know our Kids aer being thought of and that others are inspired by them.

[Donnah]

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi everyone I don't know if you all haven't been able to post but I couldn't. I've been just desperate.  After days of trying different things I managed to find the phone number and got through to Eric who's fixed the problem. I hope you all come back. I've been speaking to Wade but only because I had his email from the photos I sent for the slideshow he did for us. 

God Bless xx

Xx

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thank you, Georgina! I have tried over and over, and thought we were done for good this time!

[InHeavensKeeping]

Oh Becky that's ok so glad it's sorted now. I missed everyone so much. I hope everyone comes back. It's been a lifeline for me.

Hugs xx

[ericasmom]

Are we really back in Kansas To-To? I clicked my shoes for a week or two and it seems that we may be back on!!!

Gotta go babysit, will check in later.

love

[ericasmom]

None of us have been on since Dianne last posted! Goodness knows that I have missed you ALL!

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[InHeavensKeeping]

Yea Dee , Diane glad to see you back. It was thinking of Sherry calling the site 'Blue Indygo' that finally clicked and I was able to find Kelly(Kelly is the founder of these forums) on LinkedIn and the details about this forum. I had to wait till I finished work today to phone, I was so anxious all day, I got through to Eric who didn't realise that no one could post. He was able to fix it after a few minuets of trying different things.  

Not being able to read all the posts and posting myself has shown me just how much being part of this forum has helped me survive and cope through my most desperate times. I have been so lost because I don't have good support here. None wants to talk about James any more and it's killing me. 

God Bless xx

[Donnah]

Hi everyone I keep trying to edit the post of the cat food cause my text didn't go with my photo. As you know we asked friends and family to do a random act of kindness for Dylan's birthday. One of his friends put cat food in the animal shelter box and wrote the note. Tell the cats its Dylan's birthday. Made me laugh. It's been an emotional roller coaster. First birthday without our precious boy. We had dinner together then had a weekend at the beach. We lit fireworks and Chinese lanterns and had plenty of laughs. I'm going to grief counselling not sure it helps to know that this is the process of grief etc when I just want my boy back. We have had a second article done by the newspaper about the hospital as we still are waiting for their report etc. 

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/health/78868793/dead-mans-family-call-for-dhb-to-take-responsibility-as-inquiry-continues.adaptive.html

We continue to spread Dylan's Story and the word about DVT in the hope that others don't needlessly die because of lack of information and I received the following message on Friday.
 
Hi Donna, just thought I would pass on a message from our family thanking you for sharing info on dvt. Matts mum recently recognised symptoms in her leg after reading an article I shared from your page. She was diagnosed with dvt after going to hospital because of the article and has now been treated.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Hello, looks like we are back online. For those who are interested, if you would pm me your email address just in case we ever go down again, there is another method of contact. 

Laurie

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Well I for one am very happy to see your lovely Children smiling out at us. I left Eric a message the other day...Saturday, hoping he could see that nobody could post. I was in contact with Kate, Susan, Sherry, and Laurie and Shannon, those are the Folks whose emails I have so yes, PM Laurie and give them to her as she is organized and will keep them in case another glitch.

Georgina, thanks for calling Eric. and just so you know we love you and James...James James James, talk of him to us as we will never tire from each others stories of our Children.

Donnah, I thought I saw a photo on the page that was up for a week due to the glitch, of cat-food. What a great random act of goodness. There is nothing easy about the 'firsts' Donnah, so hold on to us, we get it.

Dianne, good to see you, and yes,we are back. But this old girl is heading to bed, sleep well all, knowing that we are back.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Hi group!! So good to see all of your posts!! I was really worried that the site wouldn't come back up after all the glitches they've had of late!

There was another fatal crash on our road last night, single car crash, according to the report  mis-negotiated a turn. They never follow-up on anything out here, you hear there was a fatal crash, and that it's being investigated, but nothing further. Meantime, has me wondering how many will have to die before DelDot seriously takes a look at the speed limits. We managed to get them to lower the half mile stretch of this road from our house to the intersection, where my son was killed halfway that area,  but they only lowered from 50 mph to 45mph. Still should be lower.

I still have concerns with this forum, in how you have to access the most recent page and also that our members information regarding their lost loved one is not readily available when they post, so we can't see the angel dates or birthdays!

Peace to all indigo's, I hope everyone finds their way back particularly the new ones that just recently posted like Adams mom.

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

thankful our site is up and hopefully....any new parents can find this healing circle.....

 

love this photo....that is how I feel when I say I am hanging on to faith with both hands...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi everyone I feel just so emotional so happy that you are all here again . It helps me so much.  Sometimes I feel I can't do this any more.  Is that normal at this time?  I think having the case going on isn't helping and progress is so slow. I constantly have this dried feeling like I had in the first few months but logging on tonight and seeing all of your words,pictures and our angles just gave me what I needed 'hope'. Thank you. Xx

[daveydow1]

Hello to all Indigos.   Good to see each & everyone of your posts.  I hope

that this post gets through. while I have been able to get on the site, and read

posts,......  I had not been able to send my reply through.

Wishing peace & comfort to all.

Georgina-----At the two year mark, it is just so 'normal' to have

those feelings of deep sorrow & despair.  It seems as though the

protective veneer falls away and we're faced with the reality. It is

so painful, I know.....I'm sorry you are in a dark place on this road. Just

keep coming to BI where we all understand. Lovely pic....thanks for posting it.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I always found this angel video to be of comfort -- that there are helpers to assist --

 

[ericasmom]

Georgina, I love the ascending angel, so beautiful. I am very glad to see that you used the word HOPE, it is after all, the one thing that we can grow. Grow your hope and nurture it as we do little seedlings. It is worth the time and effort. And as Sherry noted, the place you are right now is noted by many as being the hardest time, the hard core facts of it all are clear and the pain doubles back. It will subside again, maybe sooner than later, so know that you will be okay, and that we are here. Everyone, give Laurie your private emails through a PM, to protect our ability to contact one another in case of another glitch in this system.

Laurie, I also loved the angel in the doorway, my goodness that is cool. And I do believe in angels,

Susan, you keep holding on, we have you. Rest in knowing that.

Becky, I agree, the site still needs work and I hope that they will listen to what we are saying, but until then, I am glad to see you all. I am very sorry that another fatal accident occurred on your street, nothing right about it that is for sure.

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes....we need all the angels and miracles that can come our way....and HOPE.....that small word but one we reach for and cling to when we are going down...sometimes we hit rock bottom...sometimes a word or words will catch our fall. We rise and we fall. Some days are good..some days are better...some days are bad...some days are worse.

Sherry....I so remember when I was having a dark..dark day and you posted something like you just posted for Georgina to me...it was like arms giving me a hug.

Dee....I remember you saying ..we must change to make room for the grief. Georgina...not only are you dealing with the grief and the courts...but you are

experiencing a change..a real huge life shift. I was not prepared for that 'change'...I remember waking up one morning and my first thought was..'I will never be the same'....the landscape will be foreign to walk on this earth home without your child. It is like being thrown into a foreign country and you don't know where you are and you don't speak the language...you have to live there for a long time until you get used to it and make yourself another home.

Laurie....I have never seen that video...and the joy I felt for that Mama...our boys were too broken...but she got to have her little girl home.

Becky....it is just slaughter on the highways now....the media is quick to show statistics of how guns kill people...but they never post the statistics of vehicle deaths....I guess because then people would want to sue the car companies...really....all speed limits should be lowered..even here in Texas.....

[adam's mum]

Thank you to everyone who replied to me.

I am feeling so alone and it really helps to know that you understand.

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x