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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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JD's Mom, Becky

Dee, Laurie,Susan. and others that have been following the discussion on what we think of the site, including our recent issues, check back in to read the admin response and mine. I hope I am not overstepping, but I am very concerned, and not at all sure who the "they" are that actually do updates on this.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Click on Thoughts/Ideas:

 

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Mermaid Tears

Becky..our Warrior Mom.....I think when we post our ideas and thoughts....on this site....we are simply coming from the darkest place a parent can be in...when we lost our child....and being on this site has been a refuge...and a healing place for so many...and we are the ones that know...how 1,000 visits to a counselor..therapist...prescription drugs...pastors or priests...can take the place of simply being in a circle of people that are walking in your shoes...and understand that kind of grief. What sanity I have now on this grief journey has come from the many parents that have reached out to me. I know my experience has been one of healing and comfort. I know how important it is for parents that are 'reaching' out....clawing their way from that dark pit....trying to find 'someone' who they can relate to and that is why I want to stay on this site....I want to be one of the parents that understands how those first days..weeks...months...years...are so totally devastating. We are right to point out how this site is not friendly to new parents...if they see posts from 2005....they will think it is no longer active. I have no ideas when it comes to privacy...or those that just come and read....if they are just reading....just getting some kind of kick out of reading the despair of parents that has lost a child...that is very 'sicko'...before I lost John David...my life was so full tilt ahead...I would never have thought to go to a 'grief site'. The fact that we would like for the site to be as before...should not be a hard issue...are hard to construct...we just want simplicity for the parents that are on this site...and the new parents...should they need help.

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Becky I will check on the admin stuff after a moment here with all of you. I have been dog-tired all week, but finally will go to bed with no report card woes in my head. Report card week with our district server shutting down now and again made it very trying to get the report cards finished, a race against time and so very frustrating to balance it all. I will take a look to see what Eric and the others have posted but I have heard that they may want to charge to use the site which will find me gone. I have been here for 12 years, communicating and sharing my heart with other parents who are grieving. I don't think I need to pay to do this, I would miss this place terribly, but after this long, I can't help but ask why now? Why from a free sharing place to a paying place?

Susan, your words help many, you are able to word what others are feeling and that is a powerful thing for folks in grief.

Sherry, daffodils are about to open and will if we have some sunlight tomorrow. I am sure that you have more open than we do here and I know that you are delighting in it all.

Colleen, haven't seen you in a while. I know that there are times when the years gone by...feel like an impossibility, that time can pass even when we are so deeply grieving, but we find ourselves again.

Susannah, I am glad to see that you are feeling a sense of calm and even joy. Super good to hear.

Dianne, I am thrilled that you are with your Daughter and Family. Piper is gorgeous and I am sure that she is feeding your soul and spirit, but the fact that you are feeling sad makes sense. You want your Boy to also be part of Piper's world, and you want the family whole. TO Piper the family is whole so that is the good news. Just like with my Grandies, they see Erica in photos and I tell them who she is, but they don't miss her, and She is watching over them/us. I  feel she is right there in the rocking chair with them, or at the park when we are with the Kids. She is their Angel Auntie, loving them beyond words. I am sorry for the snow however, I know that you dislike it very much. May the sun shine tomorrow and melt it.

Prayers for those in Brussels and for all those whose families are dismantled by the hatred that hit there this week.

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tobyfreefoot

hi guys; can't even stay to write but will have a chance in a day or two i think. love you all xxooxoxoxoxox

hmm where did all the colors go?    i came in on the wrong end of the thread too.?

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thank you. Dee. For replying to the admin regarding all the changes to the site. Hopefully. They will listen to your voice. When I took the time to write to them and waited days to hear a response, and they end it with suggesting we play with the 'tricks and treats' of their update, I lost it. I simply responded that we weren't here to 'play'!! Like you, I am very saddened by this turn of events, and it has definitely lost that "homey" feel of family when the first thing you have to do is FIND the latest postings. It sounds like if we don't contribute financially. They will be forced to use ads to Support this site, which will only make the appearance less attractive to someone looking to share their soul in a safe setting. 

Gretchen, good to see your post, hope you'll write more when you can. I hope all if our 'regulars' will find us, just adds to the sadness and stress for me personally. 

 

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Just popping in.
I can't speak to the changes made in the site because I've been gone for so long that I didn't notice anything different. It wasn't hard for me to find you all; nor was it difficult to get to the last post. 
I do remember how frustrating it was and how discouraged I felt when Beyond Indigo became Grieving.com. It seemed to lose the sense of family which was created before. Of course, the benefits outweighed the disadvantages....it became easier for those new to this horrendous journey to find us. 
About a year ago I attempted to log on to grieving.com and a bunch of porn popped up, instead.  :o   I was a bit nervous about trying again, this time, but I was so overwhelmed with gratitude for you all being here when I really needed you that I gave it a shot.  Easy peasy lemon squeezy... LOL
With all the new internet threats I appreciate those with the know how doing their best to protect the integrity of safely navigating through cyber space. 

I realize I am the last person to speak to this issue, since I've been gone for so long, I just wanted to share my experience over the shock of finding porn instead of you all.  I can't imagine I am the only one that happened to. 

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JD's Mom, Becky

Hey Susannah! So good to see you here, as you were here when I first found this forum in 2011, and have always related to your posts, and many of your experiences. Thank you! I was delighted to find you on FB after you left this forum. Now, here we are in danger if losing more valuable members due to the changes. 

My concern with our forum now is the ability to find our most recent posts, as it was before this latest update. Which they did to help alleviate viruses, somehow the order of posts got reversed. The bigger concern I have, and have expressed, is the privacy issue, where anyone on the internet can Google "grieving" or "loss of a child",  and a link pops up that goes directly to our conversations, no membership required, just wide open. When I was going through the legal actions, I was advised not to post anything about the case. as it might hurt our chances of success. I began posting during that time, then having to return in a day or two and deleting my post. That means I cannot access my early posts, which I would like to do, just to see how far I have progressed on this journey.

 

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Gosh, Becky, I had no idea that was the case!  I hope it is resolved, soon, for your sake and the sake of others in similar situations. 

 My stomach gets in knots just thinking about the woman who got away with killing your son. I have long admired your dedication to making changes in the face of such glaring injustice in the face of J.D.'s death.  Hugs to you!

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Mermaid Tears

Easter is here....many of us will have to hold on to faith with both hands....

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May everyone feel some goodness today and each day. Some hope.

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi to all I've been reading all your posts and have felt comforted being able to be amongst my friends. I would hate to loose contact with you all I don't know how I'd cope, you've been what has kept my head above water. I hope the issues can be sorted out. 

 Like you Diane I'm feeling very low . I feel disconnected I watch people happily getting on with thier lives and I feel like I'm stuck not being able to move forward just going back. It will be nineteen months on the 11th of April I think of all James has missed the life that should of been his and then this nothing. I miss James so much X 

We have just broken up for Easter and some of our students preformed the 'stations of the cross' in our Easter service and I found myself connected as I saw that Mary had to not only watch but go through what happened to her Son. I'm not explaining it very well but I was able to really feel for her. 

Diane Piper is a beauty I hope you enjoy your time with her even if you have to build a snowman.x

Susan thank you for the words they are always such a comfort. I love the picture of the sunlight cross on the sea just beautiful X 

Dee I'm glad you liked the song, your so right the words definitely tell us from our Angels side. X

Susannah sorry for your loss I'm glad you found your way back to this site you'll find comfort here.x

Donnah I hope you find answers  in your fight for justice, take care of you it's an exhausting process. X

Becky thank you for trying to sort the issues out on this site X 

Have a restful and peaceful Easter 

God Bless Everyone. 

Georgina X 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Hello all, I have thinking about everyone here. I have been a bit under the weather with a nasty cold that has lasted over a week and I still am recovering slowly.

This morning I came across this post from a blogger named Dee Collingo, I am posting her thoughts here on the loss of her daughter, Amy Marie. Found myself agreeing with so much of what she wrote:

During the weeks leading up to “that day” I started to crumble. I kept a running mantra in my mind reminding myself that the worst day had already happened, but my heart and mind had their own agenda. Flashbacks and death words kept jabbing me until it finally took me down to revisit the raw pain from the very earlier months.

What had become of my life? I wanted to throw up from the building pressure. I couldn’t put two words together. I was immobilized by the reality over and over again. That grief does ebb and flow and sometimes you do have to allow it to just beat you up before it releases you back to a better functioning state.

People’s tolerance for grief runs out quickly. No one knows but those who live it. During these past two years I have met many grievers who have found it necessary to retreat in order to survive. Personally, I have always been afraid to give into that inclination. People do need people as I continue to realize. Many have taken my absence and silence personally just as I have reacted to their sudden hiatus from my life. Even in the early weeks after Amy’s sudden death, people could not resist reminding me how I had changed. How awful to assess a shattered person who is already so self-conscious and feels like an alien. As I recall that now, I understand even more the need to retreat in order to survive.

Grieving the loss of someone you share the deepest loving bond with can be difficult to witness. People will twist and turn your reaction to your devastating loss into intentional wallowing. To quote Mr. “T”, “I pity the fool.” Yes, yes — ignorance is bliss. The reality is that while I will grieve Amy the rest of my life, I remain fully aware my sadness will indeed isolate me from many people from my past. It already has as they need to be in the mood to deal with me and only reach out to me on certain days. Out of obligation, I guess. The confusion lies here as I am not able to go in and out of the ring with them. You are either with me or you are not. And just to be clear, grievers require so little and are not contagious.

For the ones who have been here from the beginning and still standing with me, I hope you are part of my soul family and some day I can be a source of comfort to you as you have been to me. I know I have not always made it easy to ride this hurricane with me or witness me emerging on the other side of one of my deep grieving cycles. This is my reality. Complete happiness and peace are no longer happening in this lifetime. I accept that as my reality."

Taken from http://deeincollingo.com/2015/08/06/my-new-reality-notice-i-did-not-say-new-normal/comment-page-1/#comment-1930

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Georgina, I understand what you mean about Mary. I saw a very short clip from the Jesus film put out by Roma Downey and there was a scene in it where she exchanges a look between herself and Jesus right before his crucifixion. I have found great comfort in going to a basilica that is by my mom's house which has a prayer room dedicated to Mary. For the most part if you are using it, it is due to great suffering or challenges.

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Mermaid Tears

When we moved to Portland Texas...and Jeremy turned 4...I re-entered being a Real Estate Agent for Century 21....our Broker was a strong Faith based person...one day...we were having a 'think tank' meeting....and we started talking about Mary...and one person asked...'I wonder how she could be there and see her SON crucified ?'...and she said...'She had Faith'....

   that conversation has always stayed with me....that is why...I hang on to Faith with both hands...

Thank you, Laurie, for those words....I so agree with every word...and all she feels....I am not the same...I am even changing now...in learning to walk this earth home without my boy...sometimes the grief journey takes me to new lows....sometimes to rises on my life landscape...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks Susan for your thoughts.

Another good post from Dee Incollingo:

"During the Victorian Era (1837-1901) mourners followed strict regulated guidelines all making the death of a loved one an acceptable public display, unlike now where mourners are expected to mourn quietly and quickly to avoid making those around them uncomfortable.

The length of time you mourned a loved one and wore mourning apparel was relative to whom you lost.  Widows were expected to dress in full mourning attire for two years and only one year for the death of a child.  Sadly, epidemics stole the lives of many children so the mortality rate for children was especially high.  I remember reading many Victorians did not even name their child until he or she reached their first birthday.

During that era, women were able to openly display their grief because society honored their public display.  It was written that people did not fear death as much as they feared not being mourned properly.

I find mourning my child in the here and now utterly complicated and confusing.  Poor Dee — continues to lament for Amy.  Yes I do.  Sorry if the notion of that makes anyone uncomfortable — well, actually I am not going to apologize for crying because I miss Amy so much that it still hurts.

The most frustrating component of my grief is the pressure to return to live my life and not waste any more time grieving.  I believe we are all on our own path in grief and no one can dictate how long it will hurt.  What I share on my blog is my pain — very few people intimately know how hard I push to get through each day.  Only one time did I retreat to my bed and stay in my pjs all day.

I admit it seems I continue to cry just about every day — not all day long, but when the reality hits me, it brings me to tears of despair.  I do not consider mourning my child for the past 2 years and 7 plus months a waste of my life.  My grief is a ramification of a beautiful love story between this mother and her youngest child and the treasured gift of the life of my child whom I have not figured out how to easily live without.

..Grief is personal; it takes as long as it takes.  It cannot be rushed or measured against anyone else’s grief. .."

http://deeincollingo.com/

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I found out that Dee Incollingo had been writing for the HuffPost blogging section. Here is another very relevant article to our child loss I found on their site:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dee-incollingo/a-day-in-the-heart-of-a-grieving-mom_b_9058026.html

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JD's Mom, Becky

I am missing my boy so much today,  this pic and poem I did three years ago, still so true....56f6d5cf44797_Ispeaktoyou.thumb.jpg.6c6356f6d6bbb6a7f_Iwillneverstop.thumb.jpg.d

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Laurie and Susan, thank you for sending words from others today...very well said. Becky, I know that you will never stop missing Jared. Thanks for posting the poem and photos.

 

Sleep sweetly all,

 

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InHeavensKeeping

Hi Laurie thank you for  Dee's writings. The one where she discusses her day could of been  from my day.  Its such a comfort  to know that your not the only one that's experiencing this devastation. So many have also inferred, not in the same words, but get on with it, it's time to move on to me and where Dee said "you only hear from those who are in the mood and on certain days" that also has happend to me. I was in the supermarket yesterday and I saw two of my "used to be" closest friends and they just quickly turned and walked the other way I was so hurt and it really upset me.  I think they think I'm blind now as well as in the depths of grief. 

Thank you though Laurie you always find these articles for all of us on this site and for me they truly normalise my grieving journey. 

God Bless everyone I'm off to Easter mass I'll say a prayer for you and all our angels Xx

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Jesse David's Mom,

 

Thank you for posting Dee Collingo's words on the subject of grief.  "People's tolerance for grief runs out quickly…"  voices my own experience.  Like her, I needed to retreat in order to survive.   I find myself emerging slowly from my isolation.  I'm not the woman who was yelling "The light at the end of the tunnel IS a train, and God's driving the train!"  The woman who wanted to put a billboard up which read, "We're all screwed!" 
6 1/2 years is not much time in the scheme of things so I can't speak to whether the peace I've found this last year is lasting or not.  But, I hope the anger, no rage, has left for good.  The sadness over losing Stephanie will never leave. The torment over what her children endured seems to soften as I watch them thrive. 

I can't say I've found complete happiness and peace, for my ideas of what those are have changed. I can say I am at peace most of the time; and most of the time I am in joy.  I suppose "friends" who knew me before would disagree.  I've discovered I just don't have time for some people, now.  That, and the fact that being around people for too long zaps me of my peace and joy real fast.  Once an extrovert, I now need silence and alone time as much as I need sleep. 
Anyway, interesting article, thank you for sharing.


Susannah/Stephanie's mom

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tobyfreefoot

 this seems a little confusing to me. hope everyone is surviving.

i have changed shifts. now my husband and i work exactly the same shift but different days off, leaving me very little alone time so getting on here without him talking to me the whole time is impossible.

anyway right after david bowie died (which i believe i mentioned hit me very hard) we had an issue with forest's memorial because of ice displacing a granite slab. in trying to pull  it back into place it cracked. you may know the artist is schizophrenic and is unable to come up to fix it and is broke. he had me appeal to his sister for funding from his trust she manages but i haven't heard back from her so it still isn't repaired. there was a huge blow out over it with my kids which made it even worse. i had to miss work because i was in such a state. i stayed in bed for 35 hours. bleah..

anyway in other news allison's husband's health problem seems to have been some pre leukemia thing and as of yet he is doing ok. they are going to have a baby boy - due aug 16th-he will be named after michael's father who died when he was an infant. preston conrad. the girls are doing well and darling. 12522957_10205899876592087_1159180917438here 12524121_10205831577884662_4861847937701

me holding lyra at the art museum^

my friend lynn's remaining son had a baby boy. though they live 6 hours away it has given her a bright spot to help keep her hanging on. since recovering from the ordeal over the memorial i am doing pretty well considering. coming up to 5 years. thinking that maybe a milestone that finally softens the rawness. love you guys hope i get a chance to read some of your posts soon. i miss everyone.

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Gretchen, so great to see you here today, the girls are gorgeous, as are you holding your little shining star. Pretty woman that you are in a beautiful space. Love art museums. I am sorry for the ruckus over the memorial and the lack of funds for the artist to fix. Life is not easy but it is what we have to work with, artists with the raw materials of our lives...pieces in which to make whole or at least new...I have faith in your abilities with it all.

Peace to your family somehow. I am glad that your SIL is still on the good side of this illness, may it continue and wonderful news for your friend and for youGrammy.

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Mermaid Tears

Gretchen.....love..love that photo of the barefoot babies....priceless...and I should have known you would be that amazing Grama to have the courage to take little ones to an art museum....never too young to learn how mere humans can create ...and learn how to think 'out of the box'. I am so happy to hear the news of your SIL...you have been so quiet on the site...I was thinking you were having to deal with him being worse. Thank you Jesus. You have a 'new little man' coming soon...our Wyatt John was born in Dec. 2012....John David died in August 2012....and I so understand how your friend has that bright spot ...those little hands have a lot of healing in them. For me....it seemed to be a silent message to my shattered heart...that life goes on...and I must go on...I was still needed on this earth home. Am so sorry you are having to deal with that freaky accident with the memorial...was the problem/confusion about how to get it repaired ? I do not have any solutions for you but maybe someone on the site...can give you some answers. It is pretty sad that the artist cannot/ is not able to repair his own work....am sure that would be the best remedy. My thought....wait until the weather is better....more sun...more Spring...more warm weather...and maybe the artist and his sister will be able to come up with a solution.

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Mermaid Tears

Susannah...many parents on this site has mentioned 'how they have changed'....and also...needing more alone and quiet time...I think I need it to readjust my attitude and balance....so I can face the world. This is not a 'straight' grief journey....for me....it is all twists..turns....turning around...U- Turns...quick stops...and being totally lost in a very well loved and known place. I have learned to take one day at a time....some days are good...some days are better...some days are bad...some days are worse.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks Susannah and Georgina for the mention of the articles. I just keep reading them that day and agreeing, and thought I would post them here.

I have been battling a bad cold now for over 11 days...it just seems to keep changing from one thing to the next so hence this short message.

Gretchen, great to see your post...and I love the pics....

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Laurie, drink some cider vinegar diluted in warm water if you can each day, it cuts through some of the congestion and is an old remedy for many ailments. Many folks around here have had many versions/iterations of this virus-a cold/cough that hangs on and changes into other maladies. Keep an eye on it, going into secondary infections for many. I hope that you will feel better soon, and I hope that you will be able to rest to ensure this.

I am sending my thoughts to all those who used to be here regularly: Bonnie, Leah, Sherry, Colleen, Trudi-Girl, Carol, Marcia, Claudia, and Betsy, Betty, and Karen...Greg, so many fine people that if they came here today to check in on us, might find it hard to locate us on page 2290 rather than just seeing us on the page right off the bat. Good humans like each of you, here for reasons that allow everyone healing through sharing. May we all dream sweetly and know that our Babies tuck us in each night.

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So, I decided to take up sketching as a way to cope. I have never drawn anything in my life. I found a kit at hobby lobby and decided to give it a try. Well, I think I found my calling. The picture I am posting is only my second drawing. I have to say I am very proud of it. This is my Logan.20160328_084028.thumb.jpg.07e78fdcfceaee

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Wow Wayne, you have indeed found a new calling. Your work is wonderful, capturing the sparkle in your Son's smile. Keep on sketching. I love to sketch but don't do it as often as I once did, but that you have never drawn before is pretty amazing.
 I am also thinking that Logan must be so proud of you for finding ways to cope, proud of the steps you are taking to live as best you can in this most difficult time.

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Mermaid Tears

Wow Wayne....you have texture..movement...shading....and most of all....your Logan....applause for you. There has to be some kind of divine connection between our hands and heart, soul, spirit and body. When my hands are busy...I seem to have a layer of balance and contentment to enter my spirit. My Grama said...'as long as you dig in the earth..you will never go crazy'. We can use that to apply to anything our hands are busy at...and when we are creating something for love...it becomes another form of prayer I believe.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Wayne, your drawing is stunning, capturing the essence of your beautiful boy! I can't draw, but have done pictures of my son, using a photo program on my computer, and it did make me feel close to him. I know our boys see how we move forward, and are proud of each step. 

Gretchen, so good to see your post, and to know that previous members are finding their way back here. It really warms my heart. I have worried about that, and felt so bad for our kind leader, Dee, to have the stress of being faced with long ago posts, that can still tug at our heart strings. I hold hope that the developers will get it fixed. Si sorry Gretchen about Forests memorial. I would be stressed too. I hope it will be able to be repaired. Maybe start one of those "go fund me" things linked to his page? I would love to help, just let us know what we can do. 

I got outside yesterday, and rode the grass cutter. I am very unsteady trying to climb up and get back down, my hubby reluctantly helped me. but I did pretty good I think. My husband and daughter do so much of what I can't do, that I was happy to try to contribute something. One thing less that they have to find time to do. I was so exhausted though, that I fell asleep almost immediately after cleaning up and getting a bite to eat. I felt like I was 90 trying to get up this morning.Jared used to help me cut the grass. And trim trees. And deadhead the Lillie's.... I miss him so much.

Laurie. Thank you for the writings, they were great! You always find articles and such that are so relative to our path,and Susan, always posting posters that I have come to look forward to.

I was too tired to post last night, but I did read. And the last thing I remember before drifting off to sleep was Dee saying our angels were tucking us in, and holding my son's Teddy bear. I fell asleep. 

 

 

 

 

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie...many around here have had that same 'kind of cold'....I do believe in Apple Cider Vinegar....also....get some EmergenCee....I take it daily for my immune

system to give it a boost...you asked for the Chicken/Cabbage soup recipe....I will have to take the time to write it down....(I will have to 'act like' I am making it to write it down...Essie never wrote it down...she would have me standing with her while she made it...I make it from memory...plus I will have to figure out how many cups of this and that)....

here are some recent photos....Wyatt John and I created this Bunny Rabbit cookie cake...(as I said...and intense labor of love with a 3 year old, frosting and coconut),

Me, daughter, granddaughters, Pibby and Tay,  Daniel and Wyatt John, Randa's family and Tay and her boyfriend..

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Wayne, that is beautiful. Amazing that is the word!

Thanks to all who shared pics, they help give a sense of community here. One day I will try to find a pic of myself...

I will try the cider vinegar thing...I started out with a super cold, which changed to an intense sinus infection, which morphed into bronchitis. 3 trips to the doctor's but I think I now have all the right medicines...finally...

Becky, just be careful not to injure yourself!

 

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thank you, Laurie. Trust me. I have to be careful every step I take anymore. I hope you feel better soon. My husband had that crap for almost two weeks, and he rarely gets sick, but does have to watch his exposure to triggers of asthma. Which is another reason I have always cut the grass, as I don't suffer the effects of pollen and such. Thank God!

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Mermaid Tears

Becky....I am going to take your work....as a sign that healing.....even if it comes as a snail crawls...is being restored to you. So happy you finally had one of those blessed and restful 'sleeps'....sleep is healing. Don't get too frisky....!!!

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Becky, i pictured you with Teddy falling asleep, good deal. They do tuck us in, we say goodnight to them and they get us comfy and sleepy eyed.
Goodness be careful on the mower.

Susan, love the photos, an uptodate view of the family. Oh I love the bunny cookie indeed, you and your little guy. Your smile says so much.

Okay, will try to attach a photo or two from the last week: One of Michael and me at the fire station...he loves trucks especially fire trucks...like so many kids. My Son was the same way. Erica my Grandgirl at the park one day with us.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....love those pics...they are bringing Wyatt John this week-end to attend a Jurassic Quest exhibition here in Brenham...our little man is wild about anything on wheels and now has found 'dinosaurs'....I see the 'doll' is getting more hair...do I see 'copper/red in those locks ? I wish I lived closer to him...but...then again..I wish I could live close to all my GRANDchildren...but that is impossible with all spread out. Thank you for sharing those 'last days' with your Eri...a sacred and dark sorrow time. Am going to post what my cousin, Duke, sent me....a handmade inlaid wood cross...he makes all types of wood crosses...big..small...he started that when he retired...am blessed to have my family.

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Hello to all Indigos.........Luckily, I am able to get into BI today. 

 

Dee-----Love the pics of your little grandies, Michael, and Erica.  Looks

it must have been nice weather, and that everyone enjoyed themselves.

Wishing all Indigoes  a blessed  and peaceful day.

Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry  

 

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Mermaid Tears

Sherry...I have missed your postings...wish the site was friendlier..we need all the help we can get from each other..

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Dianne, I will certainly hope that your Grandchild moves closer to your home, out of Wyoming. Erica will turn three the day after My Erica's 32nd birthday. I love the magic of this.

Yes Susan, that is some strawberry blond in our Girl...We bought her a wagon for her 3rd birthday, the party will be on Sunday. I love the crosses your cousin carves and creates Susan, simply beautiful.

Good to see you here Sherry, yes it has been nice on and off here...daffodils are up as well as forsythia, and many other greenery showing growth, our garden is transforming each day. It was 62 today but under wind adn stormy skies, nice to have though.

 

Prayers for Gretchen as tornadoes touched down in Oklahoma tonight.

 

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Dianne....I so wish I could have lived close to all 14 GRANDchildren....we can only live in one place...and our daughter and family live here...so I get to live by 4....and I get to see Wyatt John 'often'....I consider it as 'good as it gets'....I will pray another prayer that you will soon have a 'move' in your future that your

family can have that circle together.  Yes..my GRANDdaughters are growing...Pibby is now 12...Tay is 18....Bailey is 15...

I find that 'Mother Nature and Father Time' will be a part of my healing.

Dee...one of Randa's friends has a Strawberry Blonde...am blessed that we are all close...I am a part of their lives...I am their 'Nonnie', too....will post a photo of her....

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this is Vanna...(Savannah)...our Strawberry Blonde...she is an amazing softball player...with that porcelain skin...who would have thought so.

Dianne....I think that will always be 'in my skin' forever...that John David will not be a part of the gatherings going forward..it is one thing to acknowledge the fact with our intelligent thinking....quite another marathon of the mind to live it...all I can do...is just go day by day..and that has brought another change in the way I process time and I make 'plans'...being the person I 'was'...and now the person 'I am'.....

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Oh my Susan, what a lovely young lady, so pretty. That smile lights a room I would think. I know that you are their Nonnie too, who wouldn't benefit from having a Grandmom like you? I never had a Grammy or Grandpa that I knew. My Dad had a Mom and Dad in Cleveland that I saw once per year for 10 years, but only for a day or so, they never learned to speak English, (Italian) and didn't know me from the 50 grandkids they already had around them in Cleveland. My Mom's momma died in a home, lost her whole memory and had no idea who I was or my Mom the one time she met me, I was 4 so I have no recollection of it. So being a Grammy is such an important thing to get to be...and I want to be as whole and energetic and fun and nurturing as I can. I want to be all those things I saw in other people's Grammies.

Dianne, yes, having one child does limit how many little folks will be around. Blessings to you.

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Ideas for you Dee....me taking a 'Goonie Bath'....riding on a Ferris wheel....arms always around a loved one...just let yourself go....you can never be judged silly by grandchildren....create...imagine...action...I do what I do with my GRANDchildren because of what my Grama did with me...but...you don't have to have that legacy...you can create all in the here and now...with your imagination and loving what you have in the 'now'....

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Steve s mom

I read this and thought I would share with you all

 

Old man explains death and life

Alright, here goes. I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents.

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

SOURCE
http://www.tickld.com/x/old-man-explains-death-and-life-to-grieving-young-man

 

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Mermaid Tears

Steves Mom....how eloquent...I felt like my human boat was going down for the last time...and then one night...I was looking something else up on the internet and found this site.....(now I am thinking I was guided)...being so desperate that dark..dark night...and it does feel as if a huge wave hits you and you can't breathe...and must come up 'for air'....and when you do you see all the ruins around you...thank you for sharing that with us.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Mary Ann, thanks for the post. This is so true, "I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it."

I am posting a picture I took while at my mom's house earlier this month. It was my older sister's birthday,  Julie, who passed in 2003 so I wanted to be with my mom. The flowers I bought for my sister and the starfish creation is from Susan who graciously sent me a set of 4. One to be shared with my mom. Thanks for making my mom's time a little easier, she appreciated the gift and the energy that it brought from the Texas seashore.

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