Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2016 Colleen....I experience severe insomnia....after losing John David....I knew that walking would help...but there was a memory under every tree...so I put up a treadmill in my guest bedroom/ art studio/ where to stash all the crap room...and I watch Netflix while I walk....I have seen some very worthy documentaries...the last one is one from France...(it had subtitles)...and in many small and large rural villages the cancer rate was over the top....young, middle age, old....they had a huge symposium and then asked the Mayors of the villages to help....anyway..it is complicated and complex..but bottom line...the pesticides that have been used now for years....is the one big factor especially in childhood cancers...now they are going organic in the kitchens of the schools..asking farmers to cut back...it is a huge outreach....but it gives me pause...I have received a whole other education.....I know that I can't take it all in...as truth....but have to use my own judgement about what the info is for real...or far fetched...oh....that documentary was on Amazon...will get the title and post it.... As hard as a 'sudden death' of our child....I cannot wrap my head around the agony of parents standing around the bed and watching their child slowly slip out of their arms and their earth home....strong arms having no way of saving their child...or holding them to stay. You will be a very resourceful neighbor/friend when you reach out to them....you will be the one who knows just where they are and what they are going through. They will need that kind of support and understanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2016 Dee....take care of the take care....I am making soup today for one of my tenants that is sick...I took her my Crusty Bread on Monday..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 3, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2016 Susan, I have not tried your Crusty bread as of yet, I have been glutin free for a while now, though will make it for the kids and my bread-loving husband...but I did give the recipe to my student teacher yesterday. Nice nice nice of you to make soup and bread for your tenant. You are a good hearted woman for sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted February 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 YIKES.....I'm soooo behind, but will try to get caught up. Hadcompany over the weekend,.....so very busy. Thanks to everyone for all your posts, screenshots, poems, and songs.I enjoy them, and they say so much....so eloquently. Susan---So very kind of you to make soup & bread for tenants in needof some TLC. I bet they appreciated getting that yummy meal. Colleen---So sorry to hear of the young man who died of cancer. So sad.Prayers for the bereaved family. Dee---How are you doing? I hope you are feeling better....and will soonbe back to school. Take care. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 will post more tomorrow....Laurie asked me to post the 'chicken/cabbage' soup recipe from my Grama a while back...maybe this will be a good time to do it....with the early Winter blahs...sickness...colds...coughs.... will do tomorrow....it is a nourishing soup...not fancy....nor any fancy ingredients...very basic...it is just the 'way' one puts it all together.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Chicken cabbage soup sounds dreamy to me. Back on my feet and going to school. There is a promise of sunshine today of which we will enjoy as it pours through our windows. May this day unfold in ways that allow a hint or even more of hope. Hope is the key to finding ways to live a good life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 We can all use some 'hope'....and I hope all of my Northern Sisters get some Sun Rays today.... this is one profound way I have changed....I now live in a definite 'before and after'....it is like I can see a demarcation line that runs through my heart and soul.... how I love being a Mommie..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 4, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Susan, people used to tell me that i looked like Mary Stemburgen when I was young, and yet here you are in your young Momma years looking like Mary Steemburgen; Steambergen??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Omg, Dee, Susan really does look like Mary Steenburgen!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members flocicero Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Gosh, it's been a long time since I last posted....thankfully my work keeps me busy & my new bible study group on Monday nights is comforting, just 11 women sharing life stories & trying to find a way to be closer to God.....I miss my Michael constantly, the ache never leaves, it never will....Susan I too live every day in a "before & after" mindset....I can't fully grasp this yet, it's been almost 17 months...strange how time is both slow & yet so fast....haven't been sleeping well this week, I wake up in the middle of the night & see Michael laying in his casket....it's still a nightmare.....I still pray that I'm with him soon....sorry for being so depressing...has been hard last few weeks...Colleen so sorry for your friend....life just sucks sometimes ......Going to get sleep if I can, have to work early.....wish I didn't have to work at all.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 I know Becky, isn't it fun to see? Pretty woman Susan.Sherry I am feeling much better just have a cold now, with cough. Francessca, you are still on the early end of a life-long journey, being gripped by the images at this point is so hard but a stage that will one day get softer, I promise. Yep, it will always always hurt, but it will not always always, feel like it does today. I do so agree about time. It became for me, the most abstract of all concepts after Erica died, and it remains so, time suspended and yet the calendar pages show me that it is not, my aging self tells me that nearly 13 years have passed since Erica was killed, holy cow. I dreamed of ERICA, as though I was her in my dream last night, her first time realizing she loved someone, a boy. I got to feel her joy in my dream. She had fallen in love just before she was killed, and I am so glad that she had that knowledge and sensation of loving someone romantically.And that last night, I was able to feel her joy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Duplicated, sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 It's been rainy and cloudy here for days, and woke to this today...I can totally relate to the before and after, as every time I watch a movie and it says what year it came out, I either relate that to how far that was from his date of birth or his date of death. Everything is before and after. It's been 4.5 years for me, and I don't see that changing. Some days it is a bit softer, but then again there are still days when it all comes crashing back and I have the same visual memories that are so hard to think about. It does seem as time goes on that there is more distance between those hard moments. Hang in there Francesca. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Everly Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 , Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Thank you for the kind words.....and just a few months ago my GRANDson, Austin, told me I resembled Mary.... I posted those photos because I was in a 'thinking zone'....wishing I could go back for just one day....when John David was a little boy....and 'care' for him....picking that warm little body out of bed....fixing him his breakfast...dressing and putting on shoes....shaping a theme for the day....with his best partner of all...his big sister right there....I have mentioned before how I think my kids raised me....they taught me so much...and brought all the knowledge of what is really sacred and special in this life on earth..... Yes Evelyn....those are my two oldest children when they were little ones...Randa and John David.... We have cool temps here...but sunshine.....wow...Becky....what a beautiful scene outside your window.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Dee....when I have a dream about John David...I am happy for days... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 I think this describes all the parents on this site...I have come to know your child that does not walk on the earth home now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Francesca we are also approaching seventeen months I can honestly say I've felt every single moment every single day. But like you all say time has dragged and then you think seventeen months! where's that gone. We met with the paramedics that treated James on Wednesday night. I was petrified I wanted desperately to meet the people who had tried to save him but I was so scared. They told us exactly what they did for James and HEMS I cried as I listened but at least I was able hear that they really tried and that gave me some relief. But you know we're fighting for justice for James, as the police messed up so much, we were told all along, in the inquest by the police, judge, on all the statements that James was knocked over and killed at 10.13 But he wasn't! ! The paramedics got the call at 9.57. It's just absolutely unbelievable. To us it felt like another betrayal by the police and everyone involved they couldn't even get the time right. No wonder it's all such a mess. So all of this is keeping every feeling so open and raw. I keep visualising the moment of impact and him lying on the road it kills me but I can't change the thoughts. Just so hard. I'm glad your colds better Dee I'm stil off with my chest infection it just won't budge. Your dream about Erica was lovely, to feel her joy. Susan I wish I could dream, dreams of James that would make me happy I just seem to dream of the horrible things. I wish he would appear in my dreams like some parents have seen as a vision. I still long for that night. I loved the photos of your children.Becky I too do that all the time. I think when a new film or song comes out how much James would of loved it. I get so upset I love the photos the snow covering everything looks so lovely Take care everyone Georgina x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted February 5, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2016 Susan-----Your chicken/cabbage soup sounds so good. I forgot to saythe other day.....(when you posted about taking homemade soup & bread toyour tenants)....."If I ever find myself in your town.....I'll knock on your door,give you a hug, ....and say.....I'm hungry" ! HaHa. Francesca----- good to see your post. Yes,....time, for the bereaved parents,takes on a whole new dimension.....it seems to drag,...yet seems to go byquickly, somehow. Just the new world for all of us who walk this journey. Dee----- Glad that you're feeling better. the cough/congestion seems to justhang around so long. I still have a bit of it. Your dream of ERi sounds soheavenly. To feel her feelings of falling in love.....that must have been sowonderful for you. I, too, had a dream of Davey the other night. Davey,Becky, were little....(he was about 5 rys old)....we were in a room about 4or 5 floors up. He went to the window, unlatched it....it swung out, andhe fell out. I was in a panic state, thinking 'a little child that size couldnot survive such a fall. I told Becky to turn off the radio, and I ran downto where he fell. He was just standing there.....in perfect, uninjured shape.We didn't speak or anything, and I had an overwhelming feeling of reliefthat he was ok......then I woke up. In all the dreams I've ever had of Daveor Lisa, they are always ok....just normal like always. Love those dreams.They're are a little glimpse of heaven that we on earth are allowed to see,and hold in our hearts. Georgina----It must have been so scary for you to learn of the details ofJames' death, but glad that you found some relief about the aid and carethat the emergency workers gave to him. Winding one's way through thelegal system of a serious case is never an easy task, but so necessary when trying to get police & other personnel to give answers pertaining tothe case, in order to find justice. One should not have to be put throughsuch an ordeal, on top of crushing grief & pain, but it seems we are oftenforced to do it in order to get the justice we seek. Peace to you. Thanks to everyone for the pics & screenshots. WISHING ALL INDIGOS PEACE AND TRANQUILITY. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Becky, how pretty the diamonds lay around your home. Sherry, that dream of Davey and Lisa is so lovely, that they are okay, the message is that they are indeed okay; perfect. Georgina, to know that there were folks by James' side, talking to him and letting him know that they were there to help is a great relief. What a sad state of things when the time cannot even be correct by the police...I am glad that the first responders had the time written down. when the dust settles Georgina, dreams will come. Susan, how funny that others too, see the resemblance. Yep, happy beyond words after dreams of our Children. Hi Evenlyn, how goes it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Georgina....it is a good thing to know there were caring hands upon your boy....I urge you to stay diligent in your 'self care' as the days and investigation goes forward...all the information overload on your heart....will drain your spirit. I have physical tiredness...but I also can feel spiritual tiredness....and it is when my spirit gets so low that I go to a place where the sun does not shine. It is different from depression. It is deep sadness. I allow myself to be there but I have to come up for air and give myself some extra TLC. No one can do this for me or you....we have to take care of ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 6, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 6, 2016 Sherry.....the visitation dream I had of John David is my 'go to' when I feel panicky of 'where/how' my boy is and how he is doing....it does sustain me.... I believe with all my heart that our children are in a beautiful...beyond our imagination....place...of unconditional love and light... The bread baking is what I call my 'grief baking'....for I make the batches at night....I have also started making breakfast muffins and freezing them for Austin and Tay...also lots of little frozen dinners...Austin is in college at U of Texas...Tay is at U of Houston at Clear Lake....Josh is at LSU and too far for me to keep his freezer full...my other 2 grandsons are at Lone Star College in Houston...they live at home... this is something that will keep my hands busy...for as we know....keeping our hands busy as night falls can help keep us slipping into 'when all the boogie men come out of the closet'.... I have made that soup for years...and between Randa and I...we always know someone sick, or recovering from surgery, cancer treatments... When I was young I remember coming home from school...and there would be 2 or 3 pots bubbling on the stove...many times I would go with her to deliver her soup....one day.....we took the soup to Mrs. Looper....as we left....I told my Grama that Mrs. Looper was not really sick...and she replied...'my soup is for the broken hearted, too'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hello my friends,Eight years ago today, my mom became an angel. 4 months later, my son, Brian followed. These days will always be difficult. I too live in the " before and after" life. Whenever I hear the year of something, it is measured against June 19, 2008.We will go on, tomorrow will come, we will smile and try to make good memories until we see our kids again.Love to you allColleen, Brian's mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 God bless your Momma Colleen, as she watches over you and her beloved family...alongside Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Angels are watching over youWings wrapped gently around you,Whispering you are loved and blessed. Colleen, can it really be that long already? How quickly our lives pass. Becky and Georgina, I certainly hope that your health will soon improve. It really helps to face life's challenges when you are feeling stronger. I have been reading daily and thinking of everyone. We are holding our own and looking forward to spring arriving and hopefully the opportunity to get out for our much loved walks. Our weather has been quite nice for the most part. Today however we are having a blizzard and have had quite a bit of snow. The wind has changed to the north and the temps are dropping like a stone. We had the opportunity to attend a Celebration of Life for a sweet elderly man that I have known for many years yesterday. I know he would have been so moved by the number of people that attended. The stories told were filled with fun and laughter. It painted the picture of a life fully lived and truly enjoyed. It warmed our hearts to see that we all left in an upbeat mood and knew with certainty that Carl would have loved the event. Some people are given years to live. Yet others have their lives cut short and leave us far too soon...as we have found with our children. Will there ever be an answer to that question? I have a dear and old friend that has taken seriously ill this past while. The suddenness in which it hit her has impacted me tremendously. She had surgery last Monday and the prognosis is not good. The scary thing is that her cousin died of the same thing the first week of December...as did her Mom a few years back. A strong lesson to all to live your life to the fullest each and every day. And we are doing just that. I'm not sure if Ross's cancer will return to take him. I can only hope and pray that our prayers will be answered for some time yet. He's not allowing it to bring him down in any way. He has come to terms with the loss of our son. Not one day goes by that we do not think of him and wish him back. I know that today while we wait for the start of the Super Bowl that he would have been definitely settling in with his favourite snacks and a decent supply of beer to watch the game. Bets all around. I sure will think of him when Coldplay perform at halftime. They were one of his favourite bands. I kind of like them myself to be honest. Anyway, cheers Jeff. I know you are here in spirit. Hugs to AllAngels on your pillow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Kate, good to see you. I am sorry about your friend, her sudden decline.Cold Play is one of my favorite bands...have most of their music. I love many of the songs that invoke the thoughts of spirit and beyond. Erica liked them as well. A blizzard for you and some much needed sunshine here. I took a nice long walk today, it was good walking temperatures. Peace to you and Ross. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Dee, thanks for the video! As Jeff would say..."Sweet". Gretchen....something tells me that Forest would be following along in his trench coat. Love the tulips. Glad to hear you were able to get out for a nice walk today. How are you feeling now? I gather a flu bug was making the rounds at school. The wind was just too strong to even attempt a decent hike. Hope the grandies are adjusting to their Daycare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted February 7, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 7, 2016 Colleen---May your dear mom rest in peace. She and your beloved Brianare surely smiling down. I agree---time marches on, and we are nearerthe time that we will see our darlings and other loved ones. Dee----Your walk sounds like a refreshing lift. We visited the art gallerytoday......just on a whim, as we were in the area where it's at. Much walking & stair climbing to the different galleries. Nice way to spendthe afternoon. Susan---- I so agree with you......when things begin crowding in, andwe feel ourselves 'slipping' a bit....it's good to go to a good memoryor dream that we've had about our angels. It always gives me a feelingthat usually overcomes the dark ones. Davey&Lisasmom......Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 Sherry, what could be more lovely than an impromptu trip to see art. I love going to galleries. I am happy for your nice afternoon. Kate, yes that video makes me grin. I loved seeing Cold Play tonight, I always cry when I hear "tears stream down your face "...For sure I could also see Forest rounding the corner behind the band.The Grandies are great, they were able to come to our Annual School Carnival on Saturday. Fun was had by all. After a 4 mile walk with sun and some wind, but not too bad, I felt refreshed and sat and read for a while. A quiet time, nice and serene. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 When this song came out I held my breath as I listened to the words, adn I wept. I still do. I wrote a poem called Fix You, I do believe long before this song came out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 Fix You If I could have fixed the breakage, I would have.I would have reached into the tissue and healed it like new,repaired the broken wires like I wanted the doctors to do,But my hopes and prayers were met with your leaving instead. If I could have repaired what took you, you would be living right now,in a town of your liking,or a city perhaps, near the sea,Or maybe right here,where you grew up,with me. bydee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted February 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 Dee, when I look at that video by Coldplay I can not help but hope that that is what our kids are feeling. Just look at the smiles on their faces. Yes, we would fix whatever was possible if we could. I like your poem and can relate completely. My own personal belief is that they are now in a place where they are free of all their pain and worldly suffering. It must be one hell of a party up there! BTW...I just loved the halftime show at the Super Bowl yesterday. The energy was infectious. One of the best I have seen. Beautifully done. Love to All for a peaceful day. Kate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 8, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2016 Colleen...am sending you thoughts of care....and understanding....when John David passed...it was a knee jerk reaction for me to want my Mama and Daddy there to catch me...for it does seem as if the ground that you walk on has suddenly opened up for a free fall.... I do know with my heart/soul/spirit that they were there for him.....I have the same knowing for your boy...being met by your Mom... We have these marker dates now...and time has a different 'tick-tock' for us all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted February 9, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 9, 2016 Susan, how very true! I cherish my pictures of Jeff. I have a box that I have kept all of his cards in, etc. from his years of growing up. Things he made when a young boy at school, etc. When we celebrate any occasion I dig into the box and bring out one of his cards. It sits alongside all of our other cards. It helps to being us comfort. Grieving is not an illness...yet it can make us ill. We need to force ourselves to focus on self care at the beginning. As much as we do not want... nor do we care about going on...we need to try for our other family members... if not for ourselves. With time we learn to accept and continue on. We change in many ways...much to the dismay of many. The most important point is that we have to do what is best for us. It is not what others think that matters...they have not lost a child. We have...and so this is our call. We learn as we go along what we need to do to find the strength to continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Waynes78 Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 Hey everyone. Thank you.The past couple of days have been the worst for me yet. My anger has come out full force. Not mad at Logan, just mad at the world. I went to my doctor today and she said this was a normal part of grieving. I guess but I took it out on my wife. She did not deserve it and I felt so bad later. I did apologize. I am so lucky to have her. She has stood by me through my darkest time in my life. Still not sure where I am or where I am going. But I do have good support. I found my old video recorder today and was watching Christmas video from 2010 and 11. It made me sad but also made me smile because he was so precious. I miss him so much. Still not sure how I am going to live without him in my life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 All, just wanted to let everyone know that I have been reading along. Thanks to all who shared poetry. Dee, very much agree with the thoughts of your last poem. I have taken on a small part-time job that is related to my field of training which is Information Technology. It is a work-from-home job. My friend who drove me and my daughter to Jesse the day he passed, came down with colon cancer and had to be operated on the last part of December. She is doing very very well with recovery and does not need chemo or radiation because it was caught early. But she and her husband needed someone on the spot to assist as they have their own company. I would not have done this type of work for anyone else as it is very exacting. For some months before I had been having dreams which they both were in, just like the universe was queing me in on something, including one very prominent dream about a week before her diagnosis. Wishing everyone a restful night. *****************************Wayne, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross (she was an internationally known grief and hospice doctor) talked about the anger which can come from loss, she had recommended finding a way to physically work it out safely, like pounding a pillow or slapping an inanimate object with a hose...in my case I threw lots of stones across our farm field yelling at the universe. I am living out in the country so it was safe to do this without interference from anyone. However, the point may be to work it out, maybe hitting a punching bag or something. Other therapists I have read also recommended this approach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 Laurie, seems your intuition/second sense has guided you to helping your friends, to be ready to help them. I am so glad that they have you to lean on. I am happy to hear that your friend's cancer was caught early. Was it caught during a regular colonoscopy? Glad that you liked the poem Fix You. It still makes me weepy to read it because it will always be so that I wish I could have fixed what was destroyed. Wayne, as Laurie has pointed out, the stages of grief outlined by Elizabeth Kubler Ross are very important to read, somehow reading what you are going through is a comfort, knowing that others have had similar reactions to your own. Grief is non-linear, and we visit the stages of grief out of order and more than once...you can pull up her basic beliefs online and you will find yourself nodding your head in recognition of those you have already felt. This will take time Wayne, feeling worse now is something that will deepen adn so getting a hold on what to do with your anger will be important. I wish you some good sleep and a dream visit soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 Laurie...indeed.....not only are you filling in to help....what a sigh of relief for your friends....I do know we need to listen and pay attention to our inner voice/eye....with all the distractions in this time and age....we do not heed what is being said to our spirit/soul. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 Wayne....when we lost John David....I was in such a state of shock...I could not even register any feeling...but Daniel had enough anger for both of us....(9 months later he was having quadruple open heart by pass surgery)...he had a complete check up before..and all was well... Daniel could not 'fix' this problem...he could not save his SONshine boy...and he could not fix my grief...he could not make anything right for our family.... I think men will experience this kind of grief anger more than women....but that is not a blanket statement for all...I do not believe all anger is bad....I think anger can be used as a catalyst....and burn all that emotion down... I think it would be healthy for you to take some long walks outside ....with Mother Nature...get that inner stress some relief...take that dark sadness for a walk. I had such horrible insomnia that I finally bought a treadmill for the house....there was a memory under every tree....it has not healed the insomnia...but it is better. Just bend into the grief....this is a time to honor the mourning... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 http://img1.picmix.com/output/pic/normal/2/6/3/2/4182362_fb7f0.gif Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted February 10, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 10, 2016 Hi I'm sorry I've missed your posts thank you so much for your words of wisdom and support. I've been in hospital for 3 nights with this chest infection it had gone onto my right lung so I needed intravenous antibiotics. Wow I was so ill just really knocked me for six. I'm still coughing really wheezing but feeling like I can cope now. I did feel so low that at one stage I thought I don't care anymore but then I think how much we're all suffering and I don't want to cause that heartbreak for anyone so my husband called a doctor out, as I was in bed and into hospital. Our lawyer is having problems getting any information off the police which worries him because he said why the secrecy what are they hiding. So everything we ask for has to be done through the courts. Which is going to take time. ... Just so hard. Take care everyone gx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted February 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 Well Georgina....take care....now another Mother is suffering from the brutal issues that come from grieving....not only emotional but also....can take a turn on you in very physical form. I am so glad you went to the hospital and they could give you antibiotics....and now you are home and I pray that you feel some healing with each day.... We have all felt that way....on one path or another....but....you...me...we...are needed....You have other children and family that should be regarded and respected and loved and cared for.... John David was not the only child I loved...John David was the only child that died... I nor you...can not turn our backs on the ones that are left...and love us..and need us...I would have to be heartless to do so... we are in mourning...but not without heart... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted February 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 Hi Gang, going to bed but want you to know I just caught up with some of your posts. I had 13 conferences with parents today after teaching a full day. TIred plus a terrible looking and feeling cold sore right front and center on my lip. The whole side of my face is also in pain and I do hope that I do not have more trying to erupt. A real beauty queen.Oh well, onward. Georgina, I am so glad that your husband called for help from the doctor adn that the doctor saw you to the hospital. These immune destroyers are hard to come back from so it takes time and immune system building to do so. Sometimes we are totally unaware of how sick we are when we get zapped by an illness. I have never seen so many ill this winter around here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted February 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted February 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 Georgina, we went through the same thing trying to get information from the police. It wasn't until in the absence of any criminal charge being filed that we decided to file a wrongful death civil suit and that allowed us to petition the court to force the police to release all the information they had. That was a year and a half in. It is so frustrating, and I understand what that kind of stress does to the body. I am glad you're feeling better and hope you will continue to take good care of yourself.Wayne, it is okay to feel anger. I think most if not all of us have felt that in one way or another. I think it's even ok to be angry with your son. After the initial shock wore off, and I had begun to fight the battle of seeking justice for my son's death, I remember looking at his picture up on the wall, and saying to him, " damn it Jared, why the hell did you have to go out of the house that night at all?"I believe they hear us, and it's part of our healing to be able to express our feelings. Even though I knew in my heart that my son technically did nothing wrong, in that he was skating against traffic, in the opposite lane from this driver, and the private reconstruction we had done showed us clearly that the driver crossed the center of the road and hit him from behind. His skateboard and his telephone were found on the far edge of that lane, and his body landed in that same lane that his board and phone were in. The investigator told us that the way that the police were trying to say it happened was not only unlikely but impossible based on the evidence on the roadway. Yet they did nothing . I felt a lot more anger for that reason then the anger towards my son. I did, however tell a few family members that the first thing I would do when I got to heaven would be to bust Jared's ass!! lol Followed by lots of hugs of course! I think, knowing him and him knowing me, he would understand and even expect that!At 4.5 years in, the most intense feelings I have at this point are just missing him, that's on everyday basis, and occasionally great sadness. Thank God for those on this forum who have been here longer than I, that encourage me to believe it will continue to get softer with time, and I believe that.Very cold here today and are expecting the daytime temps to be about 6 degrees this coming Sunday. Yikes! I do not like cold weather. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted February 11, 2016 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2016 Dianne----You said it so well....about all the feelings & pain thatfloods over on this grief road. This is especially true when in theearly times, and I agree.....we are never the same as before, butthe sorrow becomes part of us. Peace to you. Georgina----Oh, I'm sorry that your illness developed into the lung,and that you ended up in the hospital, but so glad that you didget to hospital for treatment. As Dee said, sometimes we don't really realize just how sick we may be, when sorrow seems to bethe main thing we are dealing with. Please take care and get well. Kate----I, too, feel that our angels are happy, and free from anyand all of the worldly concerns and worries etc. They are free. Wayne----I'm sorry that you are having a very difficult time. Inthe early times after losing a child, the pain is so raw and devastating.Sending thoughts your way. Keep coming here to BI whereeveryone knows, firsthand, the sorrow of losing a beloved child. Dee-----You must be so tired after all the school parent conferences.Thanks for the poem you wrote "Fix You". If only we could havehad the power, huh? Laurie----Glad to hear that your friend's cancer was caught earlyon, and that she won't need chemo or radiation. Prayers for her. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now