Loss of an Adult Child

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sending out gentle thoughts to all Indigoes tonight.

 

Blog post from Angela Miller on her thoughts of losing her son (she is at the 7 year mark):

 

https://abedformyheart.com/7-things-since-loss-of-child/

 

Child loss is a loss like no other. One often misunderstood by many. If you love a bereaved parent or know someone who does, remember that even his or her “good” days are harder than you could ever imagine. Compassion and love, not advice, are needed. If you’d like an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime, here is what I’ve learned in my seven years of trekking through the unimaginable.

 

1). Love never dies.

 

There will never come a day, hour, minute or second I stop loving or thinking about my son. Just as parents of living children unconditionally love their children always and forever, so do bereaved parents. I want to say and hear his name just the same as non-bereaved parents do. I want to speak about my deceased children as normally and naturally as you speak of your living ones.

 

I love my child just as much as you love yours– the only difference is mine lives in heaven and talking about about him is unfortunately quite taboo in our culture. I hope to change that. Our culture isn’t so great about hearing about children gone too soon, but that doesn’t stop me from saying my son’s name and sharing his love and light everywhere I go. Just because it might make you uncomfortable, doesn’t make him matter any less. My son’s life was cut irreversibly short, but his love lives on forever. And ever.

 

2). Bereaved parents share an unspeakable bond.

 

In my seven years navigating the world as a bereaved parent, I am continually struck by the power of the bond between bereaved parents. Strangers become kindred in mere seconds– a look, a glance, a knowing of the heart connects us, even if we’ve never met before. No matter our circumstances, who we are, or how different we are, there is no greater bond than the connection between parents who understand the agony of enduring the death of a child. It’s a pain we suffer for a lifetime, and unfortunately only those who have walked the path of child loss understand the depth and breadth of both the pain and the love we carry.

 

3). I will grieve for a lifetime.

 

Period. The end. There is no “moving on,” or “getting over it.” There is no bow, no fix, no solution to my heartache. There is no end to the ways I will grieve and for how long I will grieve. There is no glue for my broken heart, no exilir for my pain, no going back in time. For as long as I breathe, I will grieve and ache and love my son with all my heart and soul. There will never come a time where I won’t think about who my son would be, what he would look like, and how he would be woven perfectly into the tapestry of my family. I wish people could understand that grief lasts forever because love lasts forever; that the loss of a child is not one finite event, it is a continuous loss that unfolds minute by minute over the course of a lifetime. Every missed birthday, holiday, milestone– should-be back-to-school school years and graduations; weddings that will never be; grandchildren that should have been but will never be born– an entire generation of people are irrevocably altered forever.

 

This is why grief lasts forever. The ripple effect lasts forever. The bleeding never stops.

 

4). It’s a club I can never leave, but is filled with the most shining souls I’ve ever known.

 

This crappy club called child loss is a club I never wanted to join, and one I can never leave, yet is filled with some of the best people I’ve ever known. And yet we all wish we could jump ship– that we could have met another way– any other way but this. Alas, these shining souls are the most beautiful, compassionate, grounded, loving, movers, shakers and healers I have ever had the honor of knowing. They are life-changers, game-changers, relentless survivors and thrivers. Warrior moms and dads who redefine the word brave.

 

Every day loss parents move mountains in honor of their children gone too soon. They start movements, change laws, spearhead crusades of tireless activism. Why? In the hope that even just one parent could be spared from joining the club. If you’ve ever wondered who some of the greatest world changers are, hang out with a few bereaved parents and watch how they live, see what they do in a day, a week, a lifetime. Watch how they alchemize their grief into a force to be reckoned with, watch how they turn tragedy into transformation, loss into legacy.

 

Love is the most powerful force on earth, and the love between a bereaved parent and his/her child is a lifeforce to behold. Get to know a bereaved parent. You’ll be thankful you did.

 

5). The empty chair/room/space never becomes less empty.

 

Empty chair, empty room, empty space in every family picture. Empty, vacant, forever gone for this lifetime. Empty spaces that should be full, everywhere we go. There is and will always be a missing space in our lives, our families, a forever-hole-in-our-hearts. Time does not make the space less empty. Neither do platitudes, clichés or well-wishes for us to “move on,” or “stop dwelling,” from well intentioned friends or family. Nothing does. No matter how you look at it, empty is still empty. Missing is still missing. Gone is still gone. The problem is nothing can fill it. Minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, month after month, year after heartbreaking year the empty space remains.

 

The empty space of our missing child(ren) lasts a lifetime. And so we rightfully miss them forever. Help us by holding the space of that truth for us.

 

6). No matter how long it’s been, holidays never become easier without my son.

 

Never, ever. Have you ever wondered why every holiday season is like torture for a bereaved parent? Even if it’s been 5, 10, or 25 years later? It’s because they really, truly are. Imagine if you had to live every holiday without one or more of your precious children. Imagine how that might feel for you. It would be easier to lose an arm, a leg or two– anything— than to live without your flesh and blood, without the beat of your heart. Almost anything would be easier than living without one of more of your precious children. That is why holidays are always and forever hard for bereaved parents. Don’t wonder why or even try to understand. Know you don’t have to understand in order to be a supportive presence. Consider supporting and loving some bereaved parents this holiday season. It will be the best gift you could ever give them.

 

7). Because I know deep sorrow, I also know unspeakable joy.

 

Though I will grieve the death of my son forever and then some, it does not mean my life is lacking happiness and joy. Quite the contrary, in fact, though it took awhile to get there. It is not either/or, it’s both/and. My life is more rich now. I live from a deeper place. I love deeper still. Because I grieve I also know a joy like no other. The joy I experience now is far deeper and more intense than the joy I experienced before my loss. Such is the alchemy of grief.

 

Because I’ve clawed my way from the depth of unimaginable pain, suffering and sorrow, again and again– when the joy comes, however and whenever it does– it is a joy that reverberates through every pore of my skin and every bone in my body. I feel all of it, deeply: the love, the grief, the joy, the pain. I embrace and thank every morsel of it. My life now is more rich and vibrant and full, not despite my loss, but because of it. In grief there are gifts, sometimes many. These gifts don’t in any way make it all “worth” it, but I am grateful beyond words for each and every gift that comes my way. I bow my head to each one and say thank you, thank you, thank you. Because there is nothing– and I mean absolutely nothing– I take for granted. Living life in this way gives me greater joy than I’ve ever known possible.

 

I have my son to thank for that. Being his mom is the best gift I’ve ever been given.

 

Even death can’t take that away.

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....sending condolences to you and your husband....the one silver lining to the grief I have had in losing parents ...Grandparents ...beloved Aunts and Uncles....was the fact that they lived such rich, full and long years....I so understand that we still grieve...and as your husband feels....will miss that amazing wisdom they would give me...the stories that I carry with me...and I use in my own way when I am faced with problems....I seem to 'reach back' and remember all they went through...and then I know I can go forth....

   It was when I lost John David that I realized I had no story from one of them that had lost a child...to leave footprints for me to follow....

 

So sad for those children....we have so many lost children...

 

Dianne....coming up for air is one common thing I find parents have to do....it is like our hearts constrict in such a strong way it takes our breath away.....thank you for sharing the story about your Aunt....I love people that share the 'strong stories'....we are not unique to suffering and grief.....nor are we unique in having lost a child or children...that has happened for eons....

    Remember to 'self care'....if you have a dozen crying jags a day....I think you are doing 'normal'.....it is just a 'new normal'.....do whatever you feel like doing....or not doing....you are the 'star of your movie'....you are writing the book....the first year marker is a 'heart crusher'....wrap a big blanket around yourself and know how very brave you are.

[daveydow1]

Susan----- Thanks for your kind words.  Yep---Dee and I have been

here for a long time.  For myself, I believe that it's the sharing of

the grief that comes, and with the sharing with other parents who

definitely understand all the ups & downs that is part of this

bumpy and painful road.  Going it alone.....after all (or most) of

one's friends have forgotten)  was just not an option that appealed

to me.  Helping and being helped by all the Indigos who were here

in the past, and may not be here now.......and those who are here now

has helped so much. I only wish that this site was available back

when Lisa Kaye passed all those years ago. But....of course the

internet was not around then.

 

Dee---- Know you must be very busy right now. Sending prayers

for rest and repose for your husband's uncle, and also for the

troubled young mom who passed, and left children.  Special

prayer for her dear children.   Bless their innocent little hearts.

 

Dianne----- I agree....the 1 yr. mark on this journey is especially

painful and devastating.  The terrible reality sets in.  Please

just keep coming here to BI where everyone understands.

Thoughts & prayers.

 

Laurie----Thanks for posting the blog from Angela Miller whose

son passed 7 yrs. ago.  All the points are so valid and relevant to

this grief road.  I believe we all identify with each point.  I especially

like point # 1.  LOVE NEVER DIES.  #2. Parents of deceased children

share a bond....(as we here at BI do);  and #6. Holidays.... will always

be heart-twisting time. Somehow, we get through it, with the help

of beloved other children in the family, grandies,  and caring friends at BI.

 

WISHING ALL  INDIGOS   PEACE   AND   COMFORT  IN THIS  DIFFICULT  TIME  OF  YEAR.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes Laurie....thank you for sharing that article....I will read it over and over and over....it puts a layer of healing and comfort during the holidays....

 

in this 3rd year....still a struggle....uphill....

[Steve s mom]

HI,

I wanted to share with you all the attached no one else would understand

I was looking thru old photos trying to find something

And I found these they had to be up there 10 years

I often kept little notes and things Steve gave me the yellow sticky note made me smile it's exactly the way he is.the other is something that looks like a poem taken out of something

I was so shocked when I read it ,it states exactly how Steve died and exactly what happened to him

How could he have known ,why did he keep this why would he could t that out to save of all things

I just don't know what to think about this?

[Steve s mom]

HI,

I wanted to share with you all the attached no one else would understand

I was looking thru old photos trying to find something

And I found these they had to be up there 10 years

I often kept little notes and things Steve gave me the yellow sticky note made me smile it's exactly the way he is.the other is something that looks like a poem taken out of something

I was so shocked when I read it ,it states exactly how Steve died and exactly what happened to him

How could he have known ,why did he keep this why would he could t that out to save of all things

I just don't know what to think about this?

[ericasmom]

Wow, Maryanne, this is a phenomenal find, a sense of things, a permission to move forward when he cannot and how to proceed. I think that this is amazing. Are you feeling it is gift like? That is how it is hitting me for sure.

 

Thanks Laurie for your ever-giving heart, always reaching out and sharing the wealth of knowledge and words regarding the loss of our beloved Children.

[Mermaid Tears]

 Maryanne...the notes are upside down....I do not know how to flip them....could you please repost them ? I do so want to read them.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan and Mary Ann, here they are, rotated.  The "Give my soul to God" line really stood out to me.

 

In my experience, premonitions and knowings do exist. I have a story I found that Jesse wrote that eluded of things to be.

 

Also came across a book by Larry Dossey, The Power of Premonitions, here is the link

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0525951164?redirect=true&ref_=wsirn_edmd_s_ps_product_image

Though, I do not necessary think by knowing, things can be changed...

 

Grief Counselor, Carol Kearns on the subject.

http://www.carolkearns.com/kristens-legacy/ch_believe.html

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Dee, Sherry and Susan, for the kind response on the blog post. I wanted to find things written by other parents with a similar grieving style to see where they were at down the road. I am not sure I will ever achieve number 7.

 

Kate, thinking of you as Jeff's angel day approaches. Loved the pictures of Jeff's tree.

 

Lora, good to see your post. And that your parent's are settled in to a house more suited to their needs. I did not know that my husband was working on giving away Jesse's couch and loveseat. Before I knew it he gave it away. I was upset I guess as I wanted to see it how it was one more time. I then remembered your post on moving to the apartment, and it helped take the sting down a bit. Nothing is easy.

 

Wondering how Georgina, Francesca, and others are doing? Gretchen, Becky, Carol, and so many others who have traveled here for awhile.

 

Dianne, it is hard reaching the one year mark for sure.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Please be praying for us today, headed out to court...

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...our Warrior Mom.....many of us feel as if we have been on this path for justice with you every mile and minute...and we will all 'be with you in Court'.....praying that the light of truth will shine forth....

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Jasmine was found NOT GUILTY!!The driver that killed my son had charged Jasmine with assault, for an encounter that happened almost two years ago, which was all exaggerated and just untrue. It was very hard on Jasmine to have to relate how she knew her accuser and to speak of that night when her acuser ran down and killed her 15 year old brother. Jasmine also spoke of how she did not hate her. But at the same time couldn't understand why this woman continued to harass our family and had never said "I'm sorry" to any of us. Jasmine said she was not the kind of person to be vindictive, and that her brother would not want her to be that way.

I couldn't believe at several points that the state's attorney was so rude and uncaring saying that grief is not an excuse to assault someone. He tried to discredit everything jasmine testified to. He indicated that Jasmine could have avoided any incident by just waiting some time until the acuser left before leaving herself. Jasmine answered tearfully that it was the first face to face encounter with her acuser. And that she just wanted to go home, that she made no attempt to attack or to follow her. Our attorney was very quick to point out all the discrepancies in the accusers statements as well as her Witnesses. The jury was out for a half an hour and came back with the unanimous not guilty verdict.

At some point during the trial the accuser and was overheard saying that she would now try to bring charges against Jasmine's boyfriend.

I don't know that this is the end of it. She just won't quit. I think she is trying to show her friends that she is totally innocent of everything and we are just this awful family that continually harrasses her!

I am so thankful that the not guilty verdict came for Jasmine's sake, but will continue to be very mindful of our surroundings and circumstances as the woman is just plain crazy.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[InHeavensKeeping]

Maryanne Laurie explained to me early on in this journey that sometimes our loved ones know that they are going to die young they have a sense and sometimes mention it in conversation or writings. She sent me some links to other grieving people experiences maybe you could ask Laurie to send them to you.

Xx

[Mermaid Tears]

Applause Becky....am so happy with the verdict...which is the TRUTH.....

   More so.....I pray the Jasmine can now move forward...I feel all this mess has done is to keep you and your family in a circle of unceasing stress and emotional bondage. Now she is free.

    I also pray that with that behind you...that you can move forward and pay lots of attention to yourself and your healing...I hope you felt a positive and bright light from above from your beloved boy that he wants you to turn all that love to yourself.....and that love can bring healing from the inside out.

     I believe in someway you have felt like you let your beloved boy down when you could not get the justice he so deserved....and I think these thoughts and feelings have contributed to your failing health. We already know how this kind of grief can lead to a physical and emotional breakdown.

     Please wrap your arms around yourself and your family and give yourself a big hug from all of us. It is time you and yours had some peace.

[Mermaid Tears]

Maryanne.....I truly believe with all that is me....that was a powerful message that you were guided to. I believe with all my heart he wanted you to read that to give you some kind of message that he was ok....and he wanted you to be ok....all our children want us to carry forth...

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Whooo-hooo Becky, so so grateful and glad that Jasmin was found innocent, that the truth was the winner here. Wonderful news, thanks for sharing this with us. We are all doing a happy dance with Jared. Lovely news.

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Laurie I was going to say I'm ok but I'm not I'm so worn out. I just have no energy not even to write on here. Everyday is just so hard. I miss James beyond words. It keeps hitting me over and over again all the horrible memories seem to come into my mind and the feelings of that moment. Nearly fifteen months now and I feel it's harder as time goes on.

I'm so happy for you Becky I agree with Dianne and I hope that this is an end to it. I hope you and your family can find some peace now xx

Dee I'm keepin you and your family in my prayers I feel so sad for the mum who took her own life I keep her in my prayers and her family that they find the strength to get through. Xx

Hugs to you all God Bless xx

[Dwood5485]

I am new here so I really don't know what to say or how to say what I am feeling. I lost my son 4 years ago on the 11th of November. I was the one who unfortunately found him. It is an image that I will never ever forget. The grief I feel still to this day is so unbelievably strong. Every single holiday it seems to get worse. My family tells me I need to get over it! How do I do that? It's like a piece of me died with him. I have suffered from broken heart syndrome and guilt and especially anger. Towards my son and the mother of my grandson. A part of my son that I have not seen or heard his voice in over 3 years. My question is to anyone who can answer this is does it ever get easier and does the pain ever stop? I hate living but not really feeling alive. My youngest grandson now asks me constantly if I wanna go live with uncle Jesse or when am I gonna die. I do feel like I am dead inside. My heart is so broken

[ericasmom]

Debi, moving on is something we learn to do but we never get over the death of our Child. We learn to weave their life and their leaving into the fabric of our hearts, souls, spirits, and we move forward into our life that is today. If you cannot find any good in a day, then I would gently advise some help either through a grief group or a therapist, and coming here of course, because this place may be just what you need to find a cozy spot to share your story. Sometimes there is guilt and knots that tangle us up in the past, not able to leave the mark, but we help with that here, telling your story is something that helps unwind the knots that block our way. I lost my Daughter 12.5 years ago, she was struck by an Amtrak at a broken crossing in Michigan, we live just outside of Chicago. It was that long ago but I remember each detail as though it was yesterday...the difference though is that I have learned to live with Erica embedded in me and found ways to honor her and live my best life in her light. I think that it takes different amounts of time for each of us to find our way, but you have found us so I do believe you have found a way to reach out and that is GREAT!

You are among those that get it Debi. Don't worry about knowing our names as we are many, you will learn our names as you go along, just read and write and know that we will hold your hands and heart as you go along.

[daveydow1]

Becky-------  Yay!  I, too, am so glad to hear that Jasmine was found innocent,

and glad that girl didn't get away with her lies and deceitfulness against your

daughter.  Good news!  So glad for you & your family.

 

Debi----I'm so very sorry for your loss of your dear son.  It is so understandable

that this devastation haunts you.  I hope that you can come back to this site,

which has parents who are compassionate and can lend a sympathetic

ear whenever you wish to post.  There are no 'hard & fast' rules for being on

this site. Sometimes one only feels like reading the posts....especially when

there seems to be no words to say.  Just reading the posts can be a comfort

to know that you're not on this journey alone.  We're just people who have found

ourselves on a road no parent ever wants to be on. We've all vented and expressed

feelings of despair and sorrow.....even ranted,  and others here know what its like to be in such

bad pain.  Losing a child is life's greatest sorrow.  Sharing the sorrow with

others who understand can help ease the pain a little. We welcome you here.

Please come back, friend.

 

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, thinking of what you wrote. How unjust that this was even given a trial! A district attorney has the discretion as to what cases are allowed in court. It sounds like this person has no judgement whatsoever, how did they get elected? It was a victory today, but should have never been allowed to court. Hugs. Sending you peace.

 

Georgina, I would agree with what Sherry said, there are times when we feel the need to be quiet and read a bit. Like Sherry said, there are no rules here, just quiet understanding and compassion.

 

Debi, I am sorry for the loss of your son. Kate who comes on this site also had a loss to suicide. You may find her writings to be of assistance to you when she posts. This is a club none of us wishes to belong to, but there are some of the greatest shining souls here.

 

Gentle thoughts to all Indigos.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Thanks to each of you that celebrated with me because of yesterday's court verdict. I was still so amped last night I did not sleep but a couple hours. I read some of your responses to my daughter and to my husband and it made them very happy that we have such support.

Today, we still don't know how to react, not sure whether to trust that she will leave us alone or if we need to be proactive in some way.

We did put the tree up this morning but don't have the decorations on yet. It is still hard during the holiday season and this is the fifth Christmas without Jared. That just seems unbelievable. Much love to all and I pray that all of us can find peace.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Becky, I am wondering if the State's Attorney office may assist in some way as a preventative measure? Just a thought.

[tobyfreefoot]

mary anne - wow what a find i can't tell you what to think. i don't know what to think of lots of things myself. life does seem to still intertwine with our boys even now somehow. i don't know. i get tired trying to figure it out so i fluctuate between just letting it rest and delving in trying to figure out what is real, where my boy went and what i believe. it is easier for me to roll between the two than it use to be. i use to feel if i left one i gave up on the other. now it is just part of my existence-in and out. i'm less frantic about it now than i use to be.

 

the little note was very funny lol!

[tobyfreefoot]

becky!! oh my gosh it has taken so long to get to this point! so glad you won. i guess there is no kind of vpo you can get against this woman which is certainly needed but at least this chapter is done. i hope it helped your daughter to be able to tell her side out loud and have others know and believe her even though it was painful. the world seems so mean these days. america seems to have suddenly become out of control with hatred. i love everyone here so much because in spite of all our tragedy we have come together to offer help when we ourselves were seeking solace.

 

debi-i also still struggle daily to find life worth living though only in the last few months has it gotten a tad easier and i am just ahead of you about 5 months. like dee said each person moves at their own pace as each person's circumstances are so different but you are here now. this place is truly what has helped me more than anything else. no one judges, we are allowed the freedom of expression not allowed on the "outside" we can tell our story and repeat again and again our pain, love and just shout our child's virtues or flaws over and over and feel better just because someone is listening that understands the complexity and life altering path we are all on. together. i hope you are able to find even a fraction of the comfort i have found here.
 

[Mermaid Tears]

Debi......none of us are counselors or therapists.....we are simply on this site to share and care....

I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child....I lost my John David in 2012...he was 42....my human boat was going down...down...down....and one night I was looking something else up on the internet....and I feel as if I was 'guided' to this site....

   Many parents on this site have been here for years....I call them our 'spirit guides'....they are farther along the grief journey and they 'wave' to us...and let us know we can survive....

   Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique.....we come from all over....the world....we have different jobs...situations...circumstances....but we share a kind of grief that can only be understood by someone who has lost a child....and when I say 'child'....it doesn't matter if they died in the womb....lived 2 hours....2 days.....10 years....50 years...they are still your child....

    This is the hardest experience I have ever had to live through....and we don't get over it....we learn to get through it...

I am in my 3rd year....and I am still trying to find a balance between 'Grace and Grief'....

 

 

[Steve s mom]

Dwood I too lost my son 4 years ago in November the 14 th 2011

I'm sorry for your loss

I have no answers to those questions either

I just want to let you know I care

[Steve s mom]

Mermaid tears

Jesse davids mom re posted the photos here right side up

I'm not that good at posting

[Steve s mom]

Yes Jesse david s mom I agree that by the knowing it doesn't change the out come

I have come to believe that when we are born our time to die is already predetermined and nothing can be done to change that it is out of our control

I'd love to see or hear about what your son wrote if you ever want to share it

[Mermaid Tears]

Maryanne.....I do believe you were 'guided' to find those notes....I feel sometimes I am guided to find something...

 

On John David's last Angelversary...the 3rd one.....I looked ahead.....in August...and dreaded the holidays that were ahead of me....and here we all are....right in the mix....as long as I am creating....I can handle it all....

[shorty16]

My friends,

I found this article "7 things I have learned from my child's death"

I thought of all of you.

4). It’s a club I can never leave, but is full of the most shining souls I’ve ever known.

This crappy club called child loss is a club I never wanted to join, and one I can never leave, yet is filled with some of the best people I’ve ever known. And yet we all wish we could jump ship– that we could have met another way– any other way but this. Alas, these shining souls are the most beautiful, compassionate, grounded, loving, movers, shakers and healers I have ever had the honor of knowing. They are life-changers, game-changers, relentless survivors and thrivers. Warrior moms and dads who redefine the word brave.

Every day loss parents move mountains in honor of their children gone too soon. They start movements, change laws, spearhead crusades of tireless activism. Why? In the hope that even just one parent could be spared from joining the club. If you’ve ever wondered who some of the greatest world changers are, hang out with a few bereaved parents and watch how they live, see what they do in a day, a week, a lifetime. Watch how they alchemize their grief into a force to be reckoned with, watch how they turn tragedy into transformation, loss into legacy.

Love is the most powerful force on earth, and the love between a bereaved parent and his/her child is a lifeforce to behold. Get to know a bereaved parent. You’ll be thankful you did.

Colleen, Brian's mom forever

[Mermaid Tears]

I am in this 3rd year....I am not doing bad....am not doing great....am doing...ok...

[mikesmomrs]

Hello to all my dear friends here.  I have not been by in such a long time, but please know that you are never far from my heart.  The grieving process continues, as we all know, and the adjustment of living without my soul mate, Michael, had added tremendously to the journey I was already on after the loss of our son, Mike.  It has been, of course, a roller coaster that we are all acquainted with, but I have made some progress as to my daily journey, and while there are meltdowns that still occur, I am seeing more clearly and adjusting as best as I can to this new road of traveling alone on this earthly plane, accompanied by the ongoing love of my son and husband to keep me going.

 

I know that this time of year can add stress to our journey, and we can only do the best we can to move through the days that hold so many memories.  We find the strength, somehow, to eventually make new memories, and in the process find ourselves actually living the hours that are given to us with each new sunrise. 

 

So many new faces since last I posted, which of course is a reminder that no parent is immune to the fact of why we are here...the loss of our precious child, and our efforts to find a way through what is remaining of our life and finding ways to keep our memories and love constant, despite the insistence of many "outsiders" who feel we need to "forget it all and move on."  I am so very sorry for your loss, and am glad that you found your way here to this site...truly a soft landing place, where you will find comfort, wisdom, and true understanding. 

 

I send my love to all, and continue to hold all of you in my prayers. 

 

Carol

Mikesmomrs

[Mermaid Tears]

Good to hear from you, Carol....and sharing your journey with us....

[Mermaid Tears]

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

I found these videos last night and thought I would share. The first one is the Dalai Lama leading a breathing exercise. In times of extreme stress, most of us probably don't recognize that we are taking in shallow breaths. I tried to do it like him, but I think it would take more practice. The purpose of the exercise is to bring one into a more relaxed state, so it would probably be good for those of us who suffer from anxiety attacks.

 

 

Another video I viewed was of a Buddhist nun. During this interview, the nun shared her compassion for others, and her beautiful heart. Thought we could all use a little bit of goodness today.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Mike's mom, how good it was to see your post. Sending you gentle thoughts as the holiday season is upon us.

 

Dee, wondering how you have been...and how the grandies are doing?

 

Susan, thanks for the meaningful images that you continue to share.

 

Thinking of everyone here. Been a little behind lately. Hopefully, I can finish up some more responses tomorrow.

 

Sending gentle thoughts to all  Indigos.

[flocicero]

Work has kept me busy the last few weeks which is a good thing......I love my new job, I have more structure which I desperately needed.....

Next Sunday is Mikes birthday, his 2nd birthday in heaven......I've been having a terrible time with it all, I'm skipping Christmas this year... I have no idea how I managed to buy gifts last year , all beautiful gifts from "things remembered" with Michael's name & angel anniversary for all his aunts, uncles, grandparents.....even my husband commented that he couldn't understand how I did it all...,.i look back & I have no idea.....it was our first Christmas without my precious Michael.....this year I can't even look at Christmas trees...I can't buy gifts...I can't do anything.....

Debi I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious son.....holding your hand as you face the holidays.....

Peace & love to all

Francesca

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I am well, just a crazy busy time and this week has been two weeks pushed into one. I will post tomorrow when I have energy but I have been reading...and CAROL visited. I am so glad Carol that you were here the other day, I felt your sweet words and felt happy that you are feeling some progress. How good that is to both feel and for us to hear. How are your Girls and all of the Grandies?

 

Francesca, I know that everyone is glad that you are feeling better having more direction at your new job, new home. I am glad that you made this big move, you trusted your instincts. Nope, canceling the holidays is quite okay, sometimes we just don't do them, and there is nothing written that says we have to. Do what feels best for your spirit and your soul.

 

Going to bed Folks, I am holding you all close.

[ericasmom]

JEFF Dear,

May the twinkling stars be your eyes smiling upon your Mom and Pops. Let them feel your bright light in their days and nights, let them know that you are made of peace and beauty, that you are always with them. God bless you on this and each day Jeff.

 

Kate- I am holding your hands and heart as you mark yet another year. I know that you and Ross take Jeff everywhere you go, he takes you too.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, thanks for your kind wishes. We had a good day yesterday. We headed into the city for a few hours and then returned home to place some flowers on Jeff's memorial bench. We are actually doing Ok.... and in fact, I would say... more than ok! We were saddened by the memories of that last day, but we also had several laughs when we recalled some of the crazy antics he got up to. Our weather continues to be very warm and we have only a slight dusting of snow on the ground. Just enough to make it look like Christmas.

 

I am sending out warm wishes to all for a comforting and peaceful next few weeks.

 

Love to All, Kate  

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate.....you who have reached out to all of us....that come here to this site...with your words of hope and comfort...I wish you a day and year of peace...

sorry I did not post yesterday....we traveled to League City to celebrate our 'new little man's' 3rd birthday....

 

will post photos later....

 

Kate....I am beginning to believe more and more....our children do not really 'leave' us....they simply leave this earth home...

 

the tempo is picking up.....will be back later.....

 

will post my candles for John David.....

[daveydow1]

Francesca-----Sending thoughts & prayers today, and saying 

Michael's  name, and remembering him.  May his light shine

down on you and warm your heart. I understand how you

have decided to skip Christmas this year. I did the same

thing the first couple of years on this road.. Just couldn't be in it.

Take care of yourself, and don't worry about others and how they feel

about your decisions.  With this lousy road we're on,......we

just have to do what we can manage.....  Peace to you. 

 

Kate----Glad that you & Ross had a nice outing, and putting

decorations on your dear son, Jeff's,  bench.  No snow here

yet. Had plenty of it on the ground this time last year.

 

Carol-----Good to see your post. Wishing you and your whole family

peace and comfort......difficult time at the holidays.....I know.

 

Susan & Becky------Thanks for the reminder for the candle-lighting

for all deceased children.

 

Dee------Yikes!  Christmas is nearly here, and I'm behind with it all.

Oh well....I guess it'll all work out. I had a bout with bad cold, but

am on the mend now....I hope. Had our two grandsons here

over the weekend.  they are 9 and 11  now, and we had a lot of

fun together. They played football outside today....so warm.

We made sugar cookies and they decorated them.

They are so 'tech savvy'......    I end up asking them a lot of

questions about different devices etc.

 

WISHING    PEACE    AND   COMFORT    TO    ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom....Sherry  

[JD's Mom, Becky]