Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Dee Susan Laural thank you. My husband does see a counsellor but he does struggle with opening up. Your right though the 'what ifs ' come back to haunt you over and over again. I don't know how to get through to Kevin he's getting more and more depressed as time goes on I will try what you suggested and just hope he has the strength to come through this. Dee how wonderful thank you for explaining. I also wanted to do some good in James name I tried to set up a charity but it was too hard I had to have trustees and directors and money to set it up It's just so hard to do that here plus you need money to start it. But such a good idea and you do such a lot of good with the money raised. I wish I could do te same here. God Bless Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 Eileen - what a potent video for you to share. You could feel the pain coming across from both the small clips of family but also from the users. They knew what a tragic turn they made and now that retched drug owned them. The one man saying he was wired wrong. Maybe --but maybe the drug and his consuming addiction wired him wrong. So much pain and sadness. Georgina- I understand where your husband is coming from. Those are my words exactly. And the worst part is that with time passing I feel worse instead of better. I think my husband must be feeling like you as he has no way to help me. I know he is trying to deal with his grief but sometimes we are just running parallel and that is so unlike what we are. When someone asks what I want, my standard answer is, "I want my son back." I feel so fragmented. I think the best thing to do is to hold him tight. You can't put the pieces back together but you can be there --just be there. Anyway that is what I need most and I don't think my husband understands that anymore. But I won't give up on him if he doesn't give up on me. We are facing some other issues and it is all so overwhelming. I cry so much I have aged 10 years and I am already old. Some days I am just not sure how to go on. Everytime I think I have reached the bottom I hear Michael's voice in my ear telling me eternity is forever and be there for Piper (our granddaughter). So I try to get through minute by minute sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted July 21, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 21, 2015 eileen--thank you for the video. i'm so sorry your beautiful boy ended up succumbing to this. for anyone who looks down or has an attitude i tell you this, sometimes i think if i could just have one damned hit. i know i can't, i know it doesn't fix anything, but just to have one brief moment of relief. it is so easy to see how it happens. dee <3 to you and your family as they struggle with this also. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Yes Gretchen, seeing Kids that you love and have watched grow up become so different via the use of heroin is the saddest thing, we think, if only, but as said here today, we cannot take back an action, a word, a moment, instead we have to go forward with hope, and on those days when hope is at an all time low, ask folks to pray and give positive energy to your worry. Georgina, we set up the fund about a year after Erica died but we had the money because it was given to us in the grief cards. I think folks figured we needed money in case we could not go back to work, or to pay for the funeral...there were a few thousand dollars to start the fund. This year, we had less folks at our Fest but managed to raise $1000.00 from family and friends. So kind of them. A friend of mine lost her boy two years before we lost Erica and she started a scholarship at the highschool where our kids attended. I am unsure of how she started it but it provides $1000.00 to a highschool senior upon graduation. The senior must be accepted into a college/university to study environmental sciences. This is what her Boy was in college to do when he died. Thank you Laural, here we are now starting our 13th year, just like our friend Sherry. We find our way through the very thick fog and pain, we do. One thing though, you have to want to. Many find that if they try to find a new way to live, that the guilt of moving forward will take away their memories. My message is this, once you begin some forward movement, you will see that the memories of raising a Child do not leave, the joy and pain will live together in your heart and find ways to share that space. We are urged by our Babies to move forward and take them with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members shorty16 Posted July 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thank you for sharing the video on heroin addiction.Very moving.Consider yourself hugged.Colleen, Brian's Mom forever Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted July 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Thank you for taking the time to watch the video, its so very sad. I watched it a dozen times and pause at Matthews face..he's so beautiful..he shouldnt have been there, in a movie so tragic, yet there he is. Needless to say its been a rough few days. I pray for those still suffering, like your nephew Dee. It's so sad for all involved, but I understand the need to keep them at arms length. I did it with Matthew keeping him away in Florida, I couldnt be around it, but I still enabled 1500 miles away.Georgina, hoping your husband can find some relief. Hang on tight, this is so very hard on couples.Dianne, all I can do is nod, for I'm finding the downhill slope of this first year, is just as bad or worse. The gut punch feeling, and it knocks the wind out of me.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 22, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 22, 2015 Eileen the video was so sad. You are so brave to appear in it. Thank you for sharing it. It gave me a better understanding. Let's hope it enlightens people and does some good. Dee sorry your Nephew isn't doing well I will keep him in my prayers. Hugs and a Peaceful night to all Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 I am posting this again....my Mom....was in the hospital....terminal cancer....and she asked me to 'say something' at her funeral....for her.....I, of course, agreed.....later...I had second thoughts to what I had promised...wondering if I would be in the right frame of mind....emotionally unstable....I had given political speeches in front of large crowds...I had performed in front of large crowds on stage...so it wasn't a matter of having stage fright....and then I hit a brick wall about what to say.... a day later...my daughter mailed this to me....she found it in a book......So....I read this at her funeral.....my daughter found this in a book called 'September'....one of my Mom's favorites and favorite authors...Rosamund Pilcher....and my Mom died in September.... John David liked this so much...he always had a copy with him....we discussed this writing and how it brought comfort.... We included it in his Memorial....Now....I pull it out often....and in my mind I use the 'voice' of the one I am thinking about and missing so very much...and it brings a solace to my heart....I can only hope it can bring a soft sliver of healing to each of you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sistergldnhair66 Posted July 23, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 23, 2015 Oh Susan. I love that. Someone actually sent it to me about a month ago, and I read it often...doing what you do, putting Matthews voice to it. Thanks for sharing that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Thank you again Susan, for each time I read it I am smiling and agreeing with the writer, it is the softest way to think, it comforts like a wonderful breeze, a cuddly blanket on our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 I have been in an 'insanely' busy schedule....just heard tonight...that two brothers were killed in a car accident outside Houston...and many of my friends knew them and the family....I , of course, will reach out to them....but my mind cannot fathom a parent/parents losing 2 sons....no drugs..no crap...nothing bad....amazing young men...how do you wrap your mind around losing two sons...??? I will have to reach deep for this one.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Yes Dee....for some reason...in this 3rd year...I have had to read it over and over...more times....to get my solace around my heart... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Susan, prayers sent for the families of the young men. So hard to get. Song by Rich Mullins, seems appropriate for my feelings coming up on Jesse birthday...Susan, know you too have an angelversary date coming up. **************************************************** Dee, Beautiful get-together Tribute for Erica...what a wonderful idea to raise funds for families in need in Erica's Memory... ****************************************************** Shannon, wondering about the farm...how things are there??? Sending Gentle Thoughts to All... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Hello Gang.........finally got back to BI. Been so busy...with gardenyard, and all. It's a good kind of busy, though. Susan----Thanks for posting the writing. I read it over & over, and itis, indeed, comforting words. I guess that in the grips of our sorrow,that we 'forget to remember' that we will see our beloved children again. Eileen-----Thanks for posting the video on addiction. Dee-----So glad to hear that the weather cooperated for the ERiFest. Itsounds like it was a rousing success.......all that food!!! What a feast.You must have been tired by the time it was all over......(but a goodkind of tired, I imagine) . The ERi's Fund is such a wonderful wayto honor your sweet girl, and will help the kids whose families areunable to afford all those things. Georgina----So sorry that your husband is having such a hard timeof it. I think that everyone who loses a child will have times whenthey feel that somehow it must have been their fault that the child(no matter what age) has died. We mentally search and search forthat reason, or reasons, that we can put our finger on, and say"there.....that was my fault". I think that this is an emotion that besets parents when it is early on the timeline of grief. My husbandjust completely shut down, and would not talk about Davey's death.....saying it was just too painful to talk about. He would only say aboutDavey's death that.... " it ruined my life". Since 12 years have gone by, he hascome to the acceptance that it was not his fault, and quit blaminghimself. I believe he is resigned that his only son is gone, asI am also. I hope that seeing the therapist will help you & your husband. Sometimes the grief gets to be too agonizing, and inreaching out for help,.....one can feel some comfort. Peace to you, friend. WISHING PEACE AND TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom----Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Thank you Susan I have heard it befor I am going to read it at James's grave on his Angleversary I was looking for some words to say and this seems like everything he would try to say. Laurie the title says it all for me 'hard to get it 'that's how I feel every day. The words are beautiful thank you. I'm keeping both you and Susan in my prayers as these dates approach. God Bless to all Georgina xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 24, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 24, 2015 Sherry, so glad that you have been happily busy, the garden yielding more than you thought at the start of the summer season...yes, ERi-fest was very wonderful and I made a $1000.00 deposit today to The Erica Reith Fund. Glad to have that for the coming year. I think that your words for Georgina are well put Sherry, that your husband reacted similarly and that time is one of those things that we have to allow for some of the changes that take place. Time and work to live again. Blessings, Laurie, thank you for the wonderful song you shared. It speaks volumes indeed. As birthdays approach, angelversarries too, these artifacts help explain our aches and despair. Prayers for my nephew are continually needed as no program will take him as he has been clean for over a month but that is because he is living with my sister and his dad and they have put him on house arrest so to say. What a catch 22 the rehabs are...He has no means of transport anymore and no phone and there is always someone home with him. Prayers needed too for my great niece who tried to kill herself with pills a week ago. She is in an adolescent pysch ward. I don't get it but I have never been prone to such depression that I wanted to die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Thank you....I know I can always count on the ones here to give solace for those they don't even know...but ..they know dark days are ahead for that family.... Sherry...so true..... A Mom wants to heal it...A Dad wants to fix it.... and when this comes....A Dad....cannot fix it....a lot of anger...grief...and his hands are tied...the hands that could fix it all....the car...the broken pipe....the broken 'whatever'.....could write a check....give a little cash...fix the tire....mend the fence.... Our Dad's are so angry....they cannot fix this death.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Dee, continue to send prayers your way for your nephew and niece. I will ask for a long distance healilng for them. Sherry, glad your garden is doing so beautifully. Sending love and blessings to everyone on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Thanks Laural, your photo lends itself to peaceful thoughts, thoughts of goodness, thank you. I hope to get an update on my great niece today, going out to another nieces home this afternoon after going to a memorial for a well loved former secretary from our school; Terry. Terry was a delight adn was at the school when my kids went and then when I went to work there. She retired about 3 years or so ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Dee....I don't know if this is a State by State rules/regulations/money/resources.....but here in Texas...there is a vast pool of resources for parents that have Child/Addiction/Alcohol problems...I found out yesterday talking to a person from our Chamber of Commerce....do you/sister have those resources in your state ? I am sure by now she has tried to shine a light in every corner she can to get help. Is your niece in some Recovery program ? The most amazing lesson I have learned since losing John David....is...you really have to walk in someone's shoes...to understand what is really going on.I do pray your family finds an arm up to help your loved one.....family members 'love too much' to help...it takes someone who has 'been there and done it'..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Yes Laurie....I am in the count down mode....or the walk through the shadow lands... there has been so much going on in and around me that it is hard to concentrate....the old brain fog is thick...if it was left up to me...I think I would slink off to 'somewhere'....by myself....cry...pout...have a huge pity party for myself...lick my wounds....talk myself down from the tree....find my footing ....and then....walk out of the cesspool ....AGAIN.....til....the way was clear from August 3rd....this year is hard.....and once again....as I look back....that 'shock suit' fit real tight...'that was then...this is now'....with the help from all on this site....I know I am not alone with these thoughts and feelings...I will get through this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 25, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 Just lost my post so annoying. Will post tomorrow now. Thank you SherryGeorgina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Thank you Sherry The problem is my husband suffered with chronic depression before James died. He used to be a fireman and had an on duty injury that they medically retired him for. That was in 2000. He was so ill ended up with Pericarditus which was caused by him resting after the accident. Susan says it so right when she says that men are the fixers my husband keeps saying " I don't know what to do" " I miss him so much" why what if if only I try to help him but I find it hard as I get so upset too. The girls are worried about both of us which I don't want but I don't know how to be any different. If this makes sense. I do always keep what Susan said " that we have other living children" and I do try so hard for them. Dee we're going to try and set a charity up in James's name to do some good in his name. I'm keeping your niece and nephew in my thoughts and prayers. I just wish I could help them in some way. Susan I'm keeping you close as your Angleversaray approaches I'm so scared as our first year gets closer I just don't know how I'll cope as I start back at school for the new term and I don't know if they will understand. Laurie thank you for sharing the song the words are so right. I definitely "don't get it ". God Bless everyone Georgina xxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted July 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Sending love and blessings for a beautiful Sunday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Georgina....it is expensive to set up a Charity....what I do is 'give' in Memory/Memoriam of John David....this can be books for the library....a $1,000, $2,000 and upwards for a graduating Sr....(one that will be majoring in a degree that your son/daughter did)....or one of your choosing...(they can write an essay and you choose who gets it)...I give to our hometown...and John David's High School....to keep it local....and those are the people that loved and remember him. There are so many avenues close to home....and our hearts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 26, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 26, 2015 Hi Susan yes your right it is too expensive we are doing a charity run in October called The Great South Run. There are a group of family and friends running in his memory. It's a run James did 16k I'm going to enter and try and walk it!! I can't run but I desperately want to try. My daughters husband did run for him in May. He raised £3400 and split it between two charities. It's just I wanted to raise money and put it towards good causes for example set up a after school club for underprivileged children. More personal things that you can see where the money goes. Thanks though Susan fair the advice. I think what you do is amazing I couldn't personally give money but I can always give of my time xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 Georgina, I wish you goodness in setting up a charity. When we set up the Fund in Erica's name, I was asked if I wanted a Foundation or a Fund. I chose Fund as it is less paperwork. I am dealing with a a single school and do not want to have to do any tax work from it, I set it up simply as a checking account as Erica Reith Fund, and I write checks from it to cover the costs of the what is needed. A run sounds like a great and fun way to do this, and if folks can get people to sponsor them in the run...well then more money for the Fund. Goodnight all, a busy day and ready for a few pages of a wonderful book, and then sleep. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 I think this speaks in volumes....I had a very, very rough Friday and Saturday....with all that has been happening...so many losses in the last month...and John David's Angelversary coming up....I shed many, many tears....and making the plans..reservations....checking with so many people....taking time out to have a good sob session...I haven't been that 'far down' in quite some time....I woke up Sunday with a slight fever...head pounding...diarrhea...muscle aches... and I was once again reminded how our emotional states can alter our physical reality...so...I went back to my 'self care'....and woke up this morning feeling much better...I feel I have a grip on the balance I need to keep to stay upright and healthy.... So....I am reminding all on this site....it is ok to slip into that darkness that this kind of grief will bring....but watch yourself...come up for air....take lots of deep breaths....and 'self care'.... We do not have any choice in that our child passed.....we do have choices in how we/loved ones/friends will protect...rejoice..remember...their memory.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 I have learned that this is very important....we don't have to be groveling..in the dark mire of mourning...and we don't have to be dancing in the clouds....we can be 'ok'...that is sufficient... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 27, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 27, 2015 Dee-----So nice that ERiFest raised $1,000. for the ERiFund. It will be put to gooduse, I'm sure......and there whenever you need it for the school children in yourarea. Very hot here today.....near 90 degrees. I'm doing things in the basementwhich is a nice cool 69 degrees......(we don't have A/C) So far this summer,we have not had too many really hot days. Yes....that certainly is a Catch 22 wherethe rehabs are concerned.They should consider that the addicted person needs help,or they will possibly have a relapse. Continuing to send prayers for your nephew. Susan----Thanks for all the screen shots....they say so many things that we may findhard to put into words. I like the one that says that it is 'OK to be OK'....not great,not amazing...but just OK. So very true. Georgina----Sorry to hear that your husband has had depression even before yourdear James died. Of course, this devastating event would only add to his depression.It is only natural to have all those 'what ifs', and 'if only' thoughts. Somehow thesethoughts just creep back in, despite our efforts to keep them at bay. Sending prayersfor you family. Peace to you, friend. Kate---how are you doing? Recently I have had thoughts of some of the parents who used to be on BI, andhoping they are doing ok. Bonnie, Marcia, Lora, Rhonda, Ted, Debbie, Kati,Claudia, Carol, Trudi, Cindy, Betty, Amy, Betsy. Keeping them in thoughts & prayers. WISHING PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Hi Sherry, it was very hot here the last 4 days or so, and today was a doozy, about 92 with high humidity. Yikes. But we are good and happy to hear that you have not had the intense heat too often. Thanks for thinking of my nephew, I am praying that somehow he can find peace in life without drugs, but the chemistry of the brain has been changed and some say it is forever changed from heroin. Prayers are greatly accepted and appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 yes Dee....some of these drugs are so powerful....it can change the chemistry of the brain with just one use...our babies...our children...our love and life...in just one 'use'....they don't grapple it...and then we have to live with it...in somehow shape or form or fashion...they could not understand because they were so young...and we cannot fathom it because there is no rhyme or reason in our play book... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Indeed Susan, indeed. We can only pick up the pieces when we find them. I am thinking of you and your long cry...it is good to let it out, drink plenty of water and herbal teas with your tears, replacing the water your body needs. Peace my Friend. I am thinking of so many tonight under a bright waxing moon, hoping that each of you are feeling some sense of your Angel, some sense of the peace they now live. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Dee I get so panicked that James will be forgotten. I couldn't bare that I think what you have achieved is amazing. I just can't cope at the moment it's all getting too much with the first Angelversary approaching. Like Susan I have been in a dark place at times everyday I'm with my older daughter at the moment to help her with the baby. It's distracting at times I feel happy then the thoughts bash there way I over and over and that feeling is replaced as quick as it came with a stomach sickening dried. Susan thanks for sharing the pins the words are so meaningful right to the point. I'm sorry you've been feeling unwell and so sad I will keep you close and in my prayers. Sherry thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Laurie....how are you doing ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted July 28, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2015 Georgina-----So early on this road of grief,... as you are, and approaching thefirst angelversary....one finds oneself in many dark places, and it's so difficultto concentrate on other things in life which is expected and required of us.It is so very obvious, from all your posts, that James was, indeed, very muchloved and respected in your family, and was a dear son and a wonderful person.So understandable that you're having such a time of it with the loss and devastation. I so, wish there were words that I could say.......but sadly....there is not many words that could give you the peace & solace that you lookfor at this time. Just remember....there are so many here at BI who a walking with you onthis unwanted and painful journey. Thoughts & prayers for you, friend. Susan-----Sending thoughts & prayers as John David's angelversary approaches.I know that these days & weeks leading up to the day that your beloved childdied can seem unreal, somehow,.....and that it brings to the surface all thosesorrowful feelings that are just under the surface..... feelings that are underneathat such a shallow depth. Wishing you peace. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TMDParents Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 I look at her baby and childhood pictures and I think.......who could imagine this.........who could fathom this....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ktlearn--Stephen's Mom Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 My son Stephen's 26th birthday would have been on Friday, July 17. I was in Texas, taking care of my grandson (offspring of my other son and his wife) while his parents were away on a trip. My sister drove four hours to stay the night before, the day of, and the night of the birthday, so I wouldn't be alone. I wanted to do something to commemorate the day, so we went for cupcakes. The display case had about 12 kinds, and my grandson (2 years old) selected the "Birthday Cake" style....how fitting for his Uncle Stephen's birthday! Of course, I am sure the sprinkles helped make up his mind. I have now lived through that first by the grace of God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Karen....you nailed it....'By the Grace of God'.....for that phrase tumbles over and over and over me...it is now imprinted on my day to day to day way of living and breathing.... I am now thinking that God/Mother/Father of the Universe must hold parents that have lost a child with some kind of special Grace... What a loving sister to travel that far to be with you....for she knew in her heart...that you would need someone to be in your circle...and wow....what a handsome GRANDson you have.... We wake up on our child's birthday and remember that day...and I wish now....I could remember every minute of every hour...every hour of every day...every day of the week....every week of every month...every month of every year...those mundane and common ...but I don't have that kind of memory...although...in this 3rd year....I have been able to recall more memories...in detail... I love to baby sit my GRANDchildren when their parents aren't around...I feel as if we get to have a relationship that is 'all our own'.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TearsInHeaven Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Karen, peace to you following that first birthday. I went through that in May and it was brutal. I did the same as I purchased some fancy little pastries for the birthday since a cake just didn't seem right. Michael's best friend and another friend of his came over to just check on us and I sent them home with pastries and asked them to think of Michael on that day. They knew it was his birthday and thought it might be hard for us so that is why they came. It helped but it was a bittersweet day that tore open every wound. I remember thinking the next day that, "OK I made it through that." I am sure that grandson helped you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Thank you, Sherry....I have a story to relate...I call it....'Now I Know'.... Years ago...we moved to Brenham in 1980.....I joined the Art League....and I was welcomed in by a group of women that were all movers and shakers....we thrived...selling paintings to people from Houston to Austin..Ducks Unlimited asked us to set up a gallery of paintings for their dinners...banks asking us to do the same...and the money we raised went for scholarships..and we did so much good through out our community...but...I have learned it is not the name of the organization..or it's intent....it will be the people in it...that determines the success....and each of us became an 'Indian' instead of a 'Chief'....we worked so well together...there was a woman..older than me....I will call her S....one day I realized I had not seen her at the gallery in many days....when I asked about her...another told me that she had lost a beautiful 16 year old daughter and she always took herself away around the date she died. Then I was told they were the ones that built and dedicated the Nancy Carol Roberts Library for the town in memory of their daughter. I would go to the library and see this huge painting of a beautiful blonde teen.....I never made the connection. I did not say anything to S when she came back...and S never told me about losing her daughter....she never brought it up. S and I were close....and stayed in touch when I moved.....now....I moved back to Brenham in 2004....and we enjoy visiting....and she was one of the first to come to my house when I lost John David....now.....our GRANDdaughters are best friends....her son and his wife are over all the time and good friends with my daughter and her husband. I know there aren't many that have that kind of wealth to build a library in the child's name...but that is the kind of person she is....she would never brag or mention it. Later...around 1986 I went back into real estate...I joined a Century 21 office....an agent there I will call B was a top super producer..which means ..she made lots of money and sold lots of properties....she took a liking to me and became a mentor to me....there is no doubt in my mind that my success in real estate there was because of all that she taught me...there was a time when she just sorta vanished from the office...I asked the Broker where she was and was told that she had lost a son in a traffic accident a couple of years before....and she would take time off ......once again....I was confronted with the same thing....having a friend that did not tell me their child had died...and then would go away for awhile. I never asked....I decided as I had with S that if they wanted to share that info they would and I have never been the kind of person that invades someone's privacy. Now I Know.....now I know why they did not tell me.....for when I meet people I do not push that on them...'my son died'...it makes me uncomfortable talking about it to people and giving them info...and I don't want to be asked questions...especially if I am in a public or social setting....and I know that if they know me long enough...other people will tell them....like I was told about S and B..... Now I Know....why they 'left'....why they needed to be quiet and still....why they needed their alone time...why they needed that time to cry, mourn and grieve.... So....when we cocoon....in the days ahead of our child's birth or their day of leaving this earth home...it is so very natural..so very normal...so very in keeping with our grief and way of grieving... This is a photo of me with Kate..(S's granddaughter) and Pibby..my granddaughter...they made 7th grade cheerleaders... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members InHeavensKeeping Posted July 29, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 29, 2015 Sherry thank you. Your just so right. You Susan Dee Kate Laurie all seem to have such good insight and able to put into words to help us and guide us all. Today James was in my thoughts more than ever just was missing him so much it hurt a and I was travelling back from visiting with my daughter and grand daughter, on the train,it was packed and I had to stand part of the way. When I finally got a seat I don't know what happened but suddenly couldn't believe this was real. I felt sick and shakey panicky I felt completely overwhelmed I didn't know what to do people were all around me I was trying not to cry but I felt I was totally going to loose it. It was horrible I felt so vulnerable and alone. It was only minuets but felt like hours. By the time the train pulled into the station I was so upset. I didn't want to arrive like that but I just couldn't control it. I know where all walking this journey together but am I going mad. How can I feel like it's not real after 10 months I'm scared I don't want to loose it. I have to be here for the family. I've fallen twice this week straight onto the floor I'm black and blue When I fell today in the bathroom my daughter said why couldn't I stop myself but I couldn't just went straight down Susan I'm still keeping you close in my heart at this time. Thank you for the pictures I just love your photo of you with Pibby and her friend xx Stephens mum I agree with Susan "by the grace of God" I think it but don't say it enough I love your photo and birthday tea idea for your Angel with your really cute grandson I'm exhausted Going to bed now. God Bless to you all Georgina xx I miss my James Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LauraI Posted July 30, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 Georgina, have you in my prayers. We just have to take it one day at a time. I've gotten so emotional and I hate when I start crying, especially at work. I actually took some time off today and went home early. My oldest son, was scheduled for open heart surgery on August 6th. Today, he found out he was accepted as a patient at Cleveland Heart Clinic which is what we were all praying for. His surgery was rescheduled and everyone feels so much better that he is having his surgery done there vs. a heart surgeon who has not done as many. When he told me this morning, I just started crying and couldn't stop. We all have those days. I know my Joseph would want me to try and be as happy as I can. I miss him terribly, as we all miss our children. My son was in his car the other day, and the radio started playing even though the radio was not on. It was playing "When I see You again". Our childen are always around us, and remind us they are. Karen, love and hugs to you. Love your pictures. Thinking of each of you, and praying for God to shine his light on you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted July 30, 2015 Members Report Share Posted July 30, 2015 Georgina....I see that handsome SONshine boy of yours....and all of us on this site know how the grief can wrap around you... But....with the symptoms you have been having....falling...and the anxiety..and panic attacks....I feel that you are really becoming overwhelmed with your grief...We had a beautiful Mama....Becky...our Warrior Mom....who not only had to fight for justice for her boy..but deal with this kind of grief....she was vital...dynamic....viable...but....because of this kind of grief....she can barely type now....grief can impact the most strongest and healthiest parent....it can bore into your soul and your physical health... I strongly suggest that you either contact a Dr. or maybe a clergy....and step back...if you are that impacted....you can no longer serve your family on this earth home...unless you are in balance... One thing that serves me well is when I do go into the shadow lands...I do become physically ill....and I catch myself up short...and I have to start my 'self care'....and John David would never...never...ever...want me to be ill....or someone that is not there for my earth family.....he would be the one to fuss at me first...and tell me....never...not be there for the ones that are still there...he wants me...to be there and for all of us to thrive....Thrive...is a simple word...but it speaks volumes in how we live....or should live...not in a despondency..but in a arms wide open way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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