Loss of an Adult Child

[Jeff's Mom]

Georgina, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. Sending wishes for a peaceful week.

 

Dee, we enjoyed planting the flowers. We have to keep it simple... as it is in the woods. I have to think of deer proof flowers. They hate marigolds and so far have left geraniums alone. I just have the border to do. We look quite the site dragging the garden tools into the site on a garden wagon. The first year the Holy Name nuns had one nun that followed us into the area as they have a cottage not far. She was intrigued and also concerned that we were going to make off with some of the lady slippers.  Things are so lush and green with all of the rain we have had. We have had bunnies that are quite delighted munching on our hostas down to the ground! I imagine the mosquitos will be out in full force  again shortly. I hear that dragonflies eat them.... and I am really hoping that is the case. I have never seen so many in all of my life. Ross tells me they are prehistoric. Wishing all a decent day tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....the bench in the clearing...the path that leads to it....with a view of the lake...is the embodiment of peace...love the flowers....

 

 

 

I am sharing this with everyone....I think it speaks of my searching on my grief journey to find that place where I can be.....between Grace and Grief.....in balance...as we all know.....this kind of grief keeps us off balance ...we carry too much sorrow...sadness...our emotions are in constant see-saw....up and down....we try so hard to keep ourselves in a normal.....but .....we find this 'new normal' makes it hard for us to maintain a even keel....

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

One day...you will hold a small baby in your arms and then you will see him or her standing before you...straight and tall....strong and sweet...and only then will you feel the tick - tock of the passage of time....we cannot see or feel the passing of time...only a moment like that can bring you the awareness...we can only go forward...never backward...and learn the lesson of 'carpe diem'.....

[Sistergldnhair66]

I feel selfish right now. I am not writing to respond, for I feel unable to read and comprehend. I need to tell you, who understand...this is a dark place, I'm so angry, fist punching angry. I wish my heart to wrap around what my head knows is true...i know it's a process to climb out of this place...I know it will happen. 

 

I've endured alot in my life. The years of a terrible marriage. I was sick after gastric bypass to the point of malnourishment on a feeding tube. Years and years of dealing with Matthew and his addiction....but this, this has brought me physically to my knees.  the images of his face, and our conversations, seem like yesterday, yet they are so far away.  

 

Everything has gone downhill since the moment he left.  I am stuck....stuck in my grief..

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Eileen,

 

I don't have a lot of time right now but I will post more later. I just wanted you to know we are here and we hear you. I understand so well that darkness and especially early on but I still have those times and they wash over me like the waves in the ocean... completely engulfing me. I learned for me... I had to roll with them... give in to them... and allow them... because the more I fought against them the more they pulled me under and threatened to drown me. 

 

Here is a piece of something I wrote during one of those times... 

 

Grief, and especially grief after the loss of child, isn’t pretty. It’s not all soft tears and sad poems and candles lit in memory and secret prayers whispered to the moon in the dark hours just before dawn. I mean, it is those things but it’s also dirty and gritty. It’s mud stained knees and bleeding fists. It’s screams, and tantrums, and blood shot eyes. It’s rage and darkness and mind-blowing, gut-wrenching, soul-shattering, bone-crushing pain. To say it’s any different, at least for me, would be a lie.

 

You are not alone... and I'm thinking of you and sending you prayers for comfort and strength today. You are not selfish. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Eileen.....it is true what Shannon says in that you are not 'selfish'....

that word conjures up a very bad person....but...there is an art to being selfish...Ayn Rand wrote an essay about it...

and I am not talking about the selfish person that is stingy, mean, hateful, arrogant and self centered...

I think when a person has this kind of grief....one needs to become 'selfish'....for your protection and own good...

it is hard to explain.....

  I 'cocooned'....I became very 'selfish' with me....I did not share....give of me...give of my time...I had to hoard what sanity...emotion...I had left....I had to 'self care'....

   and like Shannon said....I, too, learned to bend into it....give in to it....that dark grief...

I think people that go into a 'denial'....a 'I'll cry tomorrow' position....are the ones that have a very bad reaction down the path....

   Laurie talks about when she lost her first son...and was told to 'move on'....and then when she lost Jesse....those feelings of deep grief came back to her...

    I do believe when we allow our selves to go into that deep grief....we will have a more natural healing...

but this does not happen for a long, long time....

[tobyfreefoot]

eileen - shannon said it pretty well. we are here and we do hear and we have all had our turns in that darkest of holes and still do. our hearts are there aligned with yours, sharing in that grief that no one else even dares to think about.

[ktlearn--Stephen's Mom]

Eileen, I'm kind of new to all of this myself. It's been almost three 1/2 months since I lost Stephen. I thought I was doing pretty well until this last week. I think I have cried almost as much this week as I did when we first learned of his sudden passing in March.

 

I think I would have to say I am now in the depressed stage. I have gone through a lot in my life...two very painful divorces, and breast cancer last year.   (A girl at Stephen's work recently told me that he cried on her shoulder when he heard of my cancer diagnosis. In less than a year, he'd be gone, and I would still be here. That's just not right.)

 

It is a dark place, and it totally sucks!

[LauraI]

Stephen's Mom,

 

    Sending you hugs and prayers.  It's cominig upon 10 years since I suddenly lost my son and two cousins, and there are days where I just wanna cry, and I do.  I cherish and treasure the beautiful memories I had with him, and feel proud of the beautiful person he was, and try to help others, as he did.  All we can do is take one day at a time, know that our children are always with us in our hearts and souls.  Here is something I wrote, and think about each day as I wake up.

 

Every Day Is A New Day

 

To Make Everything Shine

To Cherish Memories Past

To Count Your Blessings, Past and Present

To Tell Your Loved Ones How Much They Mean To You

To Enjoy And Appreciate The Gifts You Have Received in Life

To Know Joy and Love Through Your Children's Eyes

To Embrace Life and Live To Your Fullest Potential

To Pray and Know That God Is Always There For You

To Heal By Lending A hand To Those In Need Of A Little Extra Care

To Be In Peaceful Bliss

To See The Rainbow Through The Storm

 

 

Laura

[TearsInHeaven]

Eileen you are not selfish you are a mother grieving for her child.  When my kids were little I always wish there was an instruction book to help--not that psychological stuff but every day instructions.Well if there had been they could leave out the bereaved parent part because NOTHING could prepare you for this pain ,sadness, anger, depression.  I too, came from a life of hardship, raised in a psychologically abusive home with parents who told me I was the worst thing that ever happened in their lives.  My husband was the first and only person to ever treat me like I counted.  But we faced every road block imaginable.  If I could count how many times I have yelled at God that He took my son--why after all we had faced!  And yet another black cloud looms around us as I speak.

 

Shannon's word rang so true. While almost 7 months have ticked away I have lost concept of time.  I feel most days like I am at the bottom of a well with no way out. I go about my day at work and then--- the evening , the nights--- I cry so much. Nothing seems better, I haven't reached the "happy memories" part but while I come here to read others' words, it seems like that is an illusion hat no one reaches.  Maybe this is crazy but I "talk " to him alot.  I know he is gone but sometimes I will share a quip with him like we used to.  Or I will ask him to intervene on our latest woe, and sometime I just yell at him for dying. I think we are still at the one step forward and two steps back stage. I wish I could tell you but I don't know when this ends. But you can come and pour your heart out, weep and wail, scream and holler and this group of compassionate people will be there for you with arms wide open. We are your circle.

[Jeff's Mom]

Deleted

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

(I am coming up on my infant Taylor's birthday on Thursday followed by another court session on Friday...)

 

I agree with Shannon, grief is not pretty. It is messy, it is soul gutting...I  have had sessions where the crying was so hard I thought I would have a heart attack. Screaming, retreating, throwing stones across my farm field (we own 40 acres)...hollering to God...it gets pretty dark. I am not sure I have found any dawn yet...just a resistant acknowledgement that the worst has again happened...

 

I find myself spending a lot of time alone...I am by nature more introverted...some are more extroverted....and find other ways to cope...whatever works best for you is what is best for you...

 

*******************************************************************************************

 

This is an excerpt from a book Shannon read early on, she had recommended it to our group...it was by a grief therapist of many years who had workshops for grief release..here is a bit of his (Francis Weller) book:

 

It is our unexpressed sorrows, the congested stories of loss that, when left unattended, block our access to the soul. To be able to freely move in and out of the soul’s inner chambers, we must first clear the way. This requires finding mean-ingful ways to speak of sorrow.        

 

The territory of grief is heavy. Even the word carries weight. Grief comes from the Latin word gravis, meaning heavy, and from which we get the words grave and gravity. We use the term gravitas to speak of a quality in some people who are able to carry the weight of the world with a dignified bearing. And so it is, when we learn to carry our grief with dignity.

       

Psychologist Robert Romanyshyn speaks of the value of melancholy.   He describes it as …the result of a grief endured, the deep wisdom of the soul which recognizes that life is about loss, and that love tempered by grief, allows one to cherish the ordinary, simple moments of everyday life, even as we know they are passing away. At times grief invites us into a terrain that reduces us to our most naked self. We find it hard to meet the day, to accomplish the smallest of tasks, to tolerate the greetings of others. We feel estranged from the world and only marginally able to navigate the necessities of eating, sleeping, and self-care. Some other presence takes over in times of intense grief and we are humbled, brought to our knees where we live close to the ground, the gravity of sorrow felt deep in our bones. The onset of grief following a significant loss initiates a shift in our daily rhythm.

 

We enter into what many cultures refer to as a time of living in the ashes.

 

Among the ancient Scandinavian cultures, for instance, it was a common practice for those dealing with loss to spend their days alongside the fires that were aligned down the center of the longhouse. They would occupy this physical and soul terrain until they felt they had fully moved through the underworld where grief had taken them. Ash speaks to what remains, the barest semblance of what once was. James Hillman wrote, “Ash is the ultimate reduction, the bare soul, the last truth, all else dissolved.” The soul in grief feels reduced, brought to the place where all other thoughts or matters dissipate into ash.

 

This sacred season in the ashes was the ancient Scandinavian community’s way of acknowledging that one of their people had entered into a parallel world coinciding with the daily life of gathering food, feeding children, and tending fields, but that at the same time, they had been separated from the world by this loss. Little was expected of them during this time, which often lasted a year or longer. The individual’s duty was to mourn,  to live in the ashes of their loss and regard this time as holy. It was a brooding time, a deeply interior period of digesting and metabolizing the bitter tincture of loss. It was a time out of time, an underworld journey to the place of sorrow and emptying. Whoever came back from this sojourn came back changed and deepened by this work in the ashes. And indeed, any who undertake real mourning return with gravitas, wisdom gathered in the darkness. These women and men become the ones who can hold the village in times of great challenge.  

 

Imagine what this grieving space does for an individual facing loss. It grants a profound permission to enter a place of sorrow, to work with it, explore its contours and textures, to become familiar with the landscape of loss. Contemplating this time dedicated to grief, our minds can quickly respond with the argument that “This is self-indulgent, over-the-top. You could get stuck there,” and on and on. What is true, however, is that these cultural practices were developed over centuries to address what human beings need during these grief-stricken times. There is wisdom in offering a period of time to those who mourn.

 

According to Jewish custom as well, the bereaved are given a year to tend to their loss. In fact, the tradition of dressing in black or wearing black arm bands for an extended period of time to let others know that you were a person in mourning was wide-spread in our culture until very recently.   When we communally honor this time of living in the ashes, we invite a deepened relationship with death and the underworld of loss. This ongoing connection, in turn, keeps our bond with the living world vital and sustaining: the two states are mirrors of each other, reminders of the great round of life, which must include the reality of death.        

 

Grieving is also intimately connected with memory and the witnessing of those memories and emotions. Freeman House, in his elegant book, Totem Salmon, shared, “In one ancient language, the word memory derives from a word meaning mindful, in another from a word to describe a witness, in yet another it means, at root, to grieve. To witness mindfully, is to grieve for what has been lost.” That is the intent and purpose of grief.        

 

Grief both acknowledges what has been lost and also ensures that we don’t forget what must be remembered. There are places around the world where memorials have been built to remind the community of what has happened to the people, places of mourning and memory:

 

Wounded Knee, the Holocaust Memorial, the Rwandan Genocide Memorial, the Vietnam Memorial are all sites where grief is given concrete form to remind us of our shared loss.

 

Some grief is not meant to be resolved and set down. Sometimes grief helps us hold what must be carried by a people so that we may never have to endure such pain again.

 

Weller, Francis (2012-07-11). Entering the Healing Ground: Grief, Ritual and the Soul of the World WisdomBridge Press. Kindle Edition.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, I think it is from the site managers...I gave some through Paypal...and offered a few suggestions...that was what I felt was right for me though...

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Laurie, I have had other requests in the past that were not official and so I always like to check these things out.

[Sholl1955]

Eileen and all new members, You are NOT being selfish.   You are grieving and your loss is so new.  I remember at  the 6th/7th month feeling the pain you speak of.   I described it as being in a deep dark hole,, fighting to climb out, but always slipping back to the bottom.   One day you will find you have made progress.  But for now take it one day at a time and feel what you feel, knowing that you are normal and that even though it doesn't seem like it right now, it will get softer,   You will be able to look back and see that even though you have forward and backward steps, that you don't slip as far back and that you are going forward, and that the light at the top of this hole or well, is gets closer.

 

 

Rest well,

Sandy

 

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, I agree, it is always good to be careful...

 

Thanks to all who shared their photos.....and take the time to upload them for others to see...

 

Laural, welcome here....this a wonderful group of parents...some longer such as Dee, Sherry and Colleen...

 

I know everyone here has helped me through this time...and how appreciative I am of everyone....

[Mermaid Tears]

thank you, Laurie...that was what I needed to read today....oh Laurie...your baby boy....I like to think..wish..hope..pray..imagine....that when Jesse got 'there'....he was met by his brother...

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Laurie, I recently reread that book. I had read it so early in my grief. It's still surprising to me how little I retained of everything that I read, said, did during that time. It's like there was just no room in my mind or heart for anything other than my grief. I'm thinking of you as you go through these two difficult dates. I, like Susan, also think of your Boys... Taylor and Jesse... together. 

 

Eileen and everyone newer here... I'm sending prayers and wishes for peace and comfort.. as much as you can find right now. This is all so hard. If there were some magic words I would share them with you but we all offer or hands and hearts and we do get it.  

 

Kate, I love the pictures at the bench. The path looks so peaceful and your flowers are so pretty. 

 

Thinking of all tonight. 

[ericasmom]

Thank you Laurie, those excerpts from the book are excellent guideposts for those newer to this, and wonderful reminders to those of us long on this journey. As you approach the date of your Little Man Taylor's birthday I wish you the sense of his deep and loving spirit. The following day finds you back in court and for that day, I pray that there will be some semblance of justice for your Jesse.

I agree with Susan, I picture Taylor greeting Jesse, instant recognition in both of their hearts. Brothers united.

 

Blessings

 

 

It is with ash and salt that we ever write our Child's name, tracing those beautiful letters that you once taught them to write, it is in our deep sorrow that we shine their name in snow, sand, dirt, mud, anywhere we can write their names, hoping others will walk past and read the lovely sound of them, wonder after them. We bring them with us everywhere we go and one day, but it takes time, you will be able to smile with the memories that will come.

I still talk to my Girl, we are facing 12 years. I speak to her each day, I feel good talking to Erica, and I still write her name outdoors where I can.

[LauraI]

 

Laurie, thank you.  Hope that I can help as well.  We all have our ups and downs.  And it is great to have support and to give support where needed.  

[Sistergldnhair66]

Thank you. Thank you all. Laurie thank for that excerpt from that book. Totally makes sense, today's society does not allow proper time for mourning. It's back to life goes on, only days after, and the grieving are left adrift.

Yes Shannon, this grief is just how you wrote..

Susan, Dee, Dianne, Laura, Stephens mom, and any who I missed..I'm thankful you are here. It was an extremely rough day. One of those days where I felt drained and exhausted..after the emotions came out of the floodgates. I think I needed it.

Ive resigned myself to the fact, I need to let it happen..roll with it when it happens. Hoping for a better day today.

[Mermaid Tears]

[TearsInHeaven]

[LauraI]

Eileen, Hope you are having a better day today.  Sending love and light your way.

 

Mermaid tears, great saying.  I definitely feel by helping others heal, we heal ourselves also. 

 

Wishing everyone a very blessed day.

[InHeavensKeeping]

I've been in the depths of dispare feeling so low and out of control. I'm back at work full time now and seem to cope just the the odd blip now and then. It's when I leave that I feel so rough everyday I haven't been posting this because I feel you all must be sick of me because I'm not getting any better. I try but I am overwhelmed.

We have the CID coming tomorrow I'm so very anxious I just hope there honest in their findings.

I haven't been feeling well and have had a chesty cough for over three weeks now I just can't shake it off.

Sending my love and Hugs to you all

Georgina x

[ktlearn--Stephen's Mom]

Again, I am new to all this, but from what I have read and heard, Georgina, we all "heal" and grieve at different rates. Please don't feel badly about sharing your bad days with us.

 

It was difficult for me to wait to find out cause of death for my son. Prayers for you in learning about the findings tomorrow.

 

 

[ktlearn--Stephen's Mom]

Laura, thank you for your kind words and for sharing with me what you wrote after your son's passing Those truly are inspiring words worth thinking about each day.

 

BTW, my name is Karen. I'm going to have to remember to sign my posts.

 

I'm attaching one of my favorite pictures of my kids and me. It was taken in September 2014.  Stephen is on the far right in the green hoodie (his trademark piece of clothing!).

 

I have been using this picture as the lock screen picture on my phone and as wallpaper on my PC, but have recently changed both. It makes me too sad to see the daily reminder.

 

I'm looking forward to the time I can use the picture again...it is my favorite of all-time!

 

Karen

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

[daveydow1]

HAPPY   HEAVENLY   BIRTHDAY,...........TRISTA    MAE.......AN   ANGEL   IN   HEAVEN.

 

Shannon-----Sorry that I missed your sweet angel's birthday.  Thinking of you,

and sending  prayers.

 

 

Sorry to miss so many posts......have been busy with the grandies this week, 

while their mom has a much-needed getaway for several days.  Thinking of

everyone in the BI family.  Peace to all.

 

Sherry

[ericasmom]

Sherry, good to see you here, how are those Boys of yours? Are you staying super busy with them? Ice cream at Grandmoms?

 

Karen, I think that we saw you here a while back but I could be mistaking you with another...I am terrible with names and situations until I have seen someone's posts and photo several times. I am sorry for your loss but yes, we each find our ways at different times and in various conditions. One of the biggest feelings of some healing early on for me was finding that I could help another fellow parent up on this site. When we use our experiences to help lift...we realize the healing we have done in order to do this. I like  the photo of your Green-hoodied-Son with family. Great photo.

 

Laural, have you been posting here long or have you just recently started? Again, I have been busy and so wonder if I simply have skipped some pages here.

 

Eileen, rolling with the waves is a way to reserve some strength...we use so much of our energy trying to go around grief, trying not to emote in front of others, and in trying to make sure that everyone else is okay...when in fact if we just let ourselves weep, weep deeply, we release some of the pressure that has developed and we cleanse a bit of our heart. Grief is life long...there is no hurry. It won't always feel as it does at the start, and by start I am talking the first 2 years, maybe more...it changes and morphs and as you integrate the loss of your Child, you will find that you are carrying your Boy in each moment and you will not forget his essence, his joys, his love, it will be with you, in you. Many are afraid that once they allow the tears, that the tears will never stop, but they do, they will return but they do stop in between. There is no need to be able to call upon the good memories at this time, the good memories will be right there when you are ready.

[ericasmom]

 

Listen to this band, a Chicago band, Poi Dog Pondering, as they sing Catacombs. This song reminds me that we need to go down down down sometimes to find a piece of our spirit that got buried when it shattered. The Catacombs, a deep grieving place and one of wonder at the same time.

[LauraI]

 

Dee,  I just joined recently.  This year on Thanksgiving Day will be 10 years since my precious Joseph and two cousins passed away in a car accident.  This site was recommended by Wade.  He and his wife are friends of mine, and we've talked on facebook and on the phone and/or texted.  Just like others, I have my good and bad days.  DOn't think that will ever go away.  I just try and stay as positive as possible.  I almost lost my oldest son last year when he had a cardiac arrest.  Fortunately, he survived and is doing better.  My husband and I have been raising my oldest granddaughter since she was born, and even though she was born two years after Joseph passed away, she gives me messages from Joseph on occasion.  Talking defintely helps, and if I can help others, I will do what I can.

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....am thinking of you and yours today.....celebrating the birth of Taylor to his earth home...on this grief journey...we have so many sad days...dark days...and then we come to the date on the calendar we should be celebrating...but that child..so adored and beloved no longer walks beside us....and we are placed in an 'in-between' emotional see - saw...

    I think we are so brave to raise our eyes to the skies...and say...I am still so full of gratitude for being given the gift of 'you'....our arms are empty...but our hearts are full. Peace to you, dear friend.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Laurie,

 

I'm sending you love and prayers today as you remember and honor the life of your sweet Taylor. I know these days a mixed with the love and happiness of having held our Angels and the pain of letting them go. Thinking of you. 

 

 

[ericasmom]

Laural, now I remember your path here, though I did not know that Wade was your connect, could not find a nicer human to bring you here. Welcome and I am glad that you are finding this a good place to be. It has been almost 12 years for us, since we lost our Girl, Erica. She was 19 when she died, and still I can't believe the amount of time.

 

Cloudy again today, as though we only get to have one day of sunshine, it is making it slow growing for veggies and I am not seeing that many bees either. Usually by now, we have a huge variety of bees but without sun and less blooms...

 

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I am holding your stories close to my heart, your Taylor stories especially today, this wonderful date that saw your Boy's birth. I know that you have a cradle in your heart for your Boy, rocking him in your forever love.

[Mermaid Tears]

[Sistergldnhair66]

Laurie, thinking of you and your family today. Happy Birthday in Heaven to your little angel Taylor.  Wishing you love today and strength tomorrow in your court session. 

 

Laura and Karen, I'm hoping you find this place among us as welcoming as I have.  It has been a saving grace since my finding my way here, by accident, many months ago. 

 

Georgina,  I read your post, and only can nod my head.  We are so very close in our dates..so I know of this darkness you speak of.  Wishing we lived close, so you could feel a pair of knowing arms around you in comfort.  

 

Yesterday seemed a better day for me, thank goodness.  As tired as I am, caring for my granddaughter during the week sure keeps me busy during the day.  Now I know why my mother used to say we should have kids when we are young...bundles of energy. 

 

I don't think I ever shared her story with you.  I will do that soon. She's a special little girl.  

 

Wishing everyone peace and comfort.

[Sistergldnhair66]

Our sweet Aurora

[InHeavensKeeping]

Eileen I wish too that we lived closer but I find comfort in your words thank you.

We had our meeting with the Crimanal Investigation unit today.

They've admitted to all the things that they've failed us on but will not re investigate. The officer said that the driver was culprible but there is no evidence to prosecute and that he lied for the sake of his company and his job. He said we could persue a civil case through the courts but we'd have a fight on our hands because of lack of evidence. None of it makes any sense he kept on about 'closure' and 'moving on' .

Just don't know what to do any more. Just can't understand this.

Xx

[LauraI]

Thank you all for the warm welcome. Here is something my daughter drew.

[daveydow1]

Eileen------Beautiful little girl.......Aurora. Thanks for posting the pic.

 

Dee-----The boys...(my grandies) returned home today. It felt a little sad

to take them back, after having them for the week.  It was a super-busy

week, with all the activities,  fixing meals/snacks, picking berries, and

sometimes being a mediator   , but enjoyed having them.....they are good boys.

 

Georgina----I, so, relate to your frustration with the law enforcement's

stance on your case,.....and that the driver lied to save himself & his

company.  Many times when someone is killed by the negligence of

someone else,  the one who caused the death will lie.....telling themselves

that since they cannot bring back the person....then they might as well

save themselves.  Somehow they must justify doing that.  I'm so sorry

that you & your husband are going through such terrible times with the

police force,  and that on top of your despair and grief for the loss of

your dear son, James.    I'm wondering how your eye surgery is mending.

Is it getting better?  Please take care of yourself.

 

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND  COMFORT   TO  ALL  INDIGOS,  AND  A RESTFUL  NIGHT.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

  

 

 

[shorty16]

My friends,

Thank you for remembering our Brian. 7 years seems like an eternity and seems like yesterday all at the same time.

We gathered with family, cooked out, lit fireworks and Chinese Lanterns. This seemed like a celebration. The hard times, for me, were the days and weeks leading up to June 19. Utter shock at the path we have taken.

Today is our 27th wedding anniversary. So proud we are still together and going strong.

Love to all

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[ericasmom]

Happy 27th Colleen, you and your husband have worked very hard to honor each others space and ways to grieve while at the same time, helping your other Children through their sadness. It is a lot to juggle, and many couples find it too much. I am so glad that you and Scott carry on in so many good ways.

 

Eileen, your Little Aurora is a beauty for sure...adorable. Thanks for sharing.

 

Sherry, the Boys had a great time it seems with Grammy and Grandpa. I know that you will sleep deeply but I sure get that you miss them. I trust that your Daughter had a good visit with her friends?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks for all of those who posted for baby Taylor's birthday...it was the first time ever that he was remembered in such a fashion. So thank you all for making his special day meaningful...you have no idea how much it meant to me. (Yesterday, he would have been 28, the same age of Jesse when he transitioned).

 

Eileen, thanks for the pic of your beautiful grand daughter.

 

Laura, welcome here. Wade is very talented with his computer skills I know we all have benefited from his slideshows and graphics in honor of our children.

 

Shannon, thank you for the graphics for Taylor. I plan on keeping them for his memory. Yesterday was harder than I expected. Now today the court date.

 

I am glad you found such a calming new home...the pictures were wonderful that you shared.

 

Colleen, congratulations on your 27th anniversary. It was good tht you had such a nice celebration .

 

Georgina, I am sorry that things are not looking out for you in the case. So many times, if the intake was messed up by the initial law enforcement, there just is not enough to get a case. Perhaps you could pursue the civil case. If there is money to be found, an attorney would probably take it on. As far as evidence, like I said, there would have to be a private reconstructionist to be hired to get that in place. Hugs.

 

Susan, thanks for the wonderful writings for my infant son that were posted yesterday. It did make a difference in a very difficult day.

 

Kate, thinking of you and Ross up there...hope the mosquitoes  haven't carried you away. We  have been having a very large bear (I think it is male) visiting us. I am not sure I like something that large strolling across the yard. I yelled at it the other day to get it moving, and it just ignored me. Definitely a larger male bear that doesn't like to be bossed.

 

Sherry, how is your mom doing? Glad you were able to get some time with the grand kids...it is always busy at our house at that time.

 

Dee, how is your yard doing and the plants? Were they able to survive the flooding? Thanks for the wishes for my infant son, Taylor James.

 

Thinking of Gretchen and Becky today...wondering how you Becky are holding up...

 

So many that come here -- sending out gentle thoughts for the day

 

Have to get ready for court. It seems like we keep reviewing the same things over and over again. Don't understand why. (She is again trying for bail). My nerves were pretty bad this morning.

 

Found this video put out by the Minnesota State Patrol on Distracted Driving. In this case, it was cell phone use, but it could be any number of issues. Thought they did an exceptional professional job, and felt the person who was involved in it had the right attitude. May not be suitable for those in raw grief...Forwarded this to the DA working on our case.

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Laurie,

Know we are all with you in heart and in Spirit. I'm sending prayers for strength today and that some form of justice for Jesse will be found. 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....thinking of you today.....

   we are leaving for Port Aransas....Jeremy got in from Oregon last night....bitter sweet for me, for sure...but we must move forward....don't we ? We are so brave....will post photos when I get back...

[ericasmom]

Laurie, I do so hope that the court system shows goodness, fairness, grace.

 

The garden is working to regenerate but with so little sunshine, it is a duller version of itself. Some things died off from the flooding, but for the most part, I am encouraged by its ability to acclimate.

 

Wade, hope you are fine out there in the Alaskan wilds.

 

Susan, may this be a wonderful week, albeit bittersweet, may there be more sweet than bitter.

[LauraI]

Laurie,  Sending you hugs and prayers.

 

Colleen, Congratulations on your 27th anniversary.  That's awesome.  Love and Blessings.

 

Dee, Sending love and light for your garden.  May it come back stronger than before.

 

 

I thought I had attached a picture my daughter had drawn.  Wanted to share it with  you all.  It's a wonderful inspiration for me, and hope it helps here as well.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Update on Court:

 

Well, it was a bit unsettling in court today. Even though it was supposed to be a minor court date, it still had surprises. The girl's attorney we feel was allowed to overstep legally.

 

The judge asked about the accident as he was not clear as the specifics. The DA basically said, the girl was driving northbound in a southbound lane. She took her left turn from there , instead of the normal lane. It was stated there was no road conditions that day that would contribute to reduced visibility.

 

The DA also mentioned that Rupnow had a history of opiute use that could be proven. The day of the accident, the on site officers did not take a blood sample. Stupid. All because the officer did not smell alcohol the dummy did not order the test,  such a screwup and Jesse would have been cleared a long time ago.

 

Also, the girl's attorney is trying to get our expert witness dismissed, a state trooper with over 30 years experience, he is was the head of our reconstruction unit.

 

In that, he almost succeeded as there was some kind of mix up and our reconstructionist did not furnish some type of information to the court by a certain deadline. I could see that rankled the DA. We had to call our reconstructionist right there and tell him, hey,you got to get whatever data they need here immediately or you won't be allowed as a expert witness later.

 

Finally, her bond was lowered today to $2500,  with an ankle bracelet, and mandatory drug testing which will be random. Let's see if she stays put.

 

I am writing the specifics of the day for those who may have court cases to help them be prepared. I do a lot of record keeping, and make sure I always email people once decisions have been made to confirm and provide a legal trail what was said and when. (I came from a very upper corporate environment, this documentation necessary in my job). I thought the DA let the girl's atttorney get away with way too much in this regard....

 

She still acts as if she has not a care in the world..."wants to get back to her family". Well, what the hell about mine? Driving the wrong direction in my son's lane on a straight away with no conditions????????

 

I feel I am in the Twilight Zone...

 

Our reconstructionists feels that the girl's attorney is doing a stalling tactic until everyone gets sick of the case and just gives in to a lesser charge (or no charge) to end it. Probably he is right...