Loss of an Adult Child

[Sholl1955]

Hello friends.

It  will be a month on the 18th since my Mom died.   How quickly life moves on.   I miss her a lot and my thoughts have been filled with missing her, my brother who died 6 months after Sarah, and of course my Sarah.   My mind is muddled.   I don't think I am going backwards , but rather going through the grief process again.    And while I miss my Mom very much, and her final months were very hard.  Losing her doesn't even compare to what losing Sarah was like.      I find myself longing for Sarah deeply again.  I guess it is probably normal.    Just muddle minded and tired.   

 

We have had a lot of rain and it promises to continue through the week.  There have been some flooding in the area.  We live right next to a pond and while it has not overlowed I think the critters that live in it are seeking dryer spots.  I nearly stepped on a HUGE Frog on my patio when I put the dog out last night.   I was barefoot.  Ewe!    Guess I can handle the frog, but if I step out and see a snake I will react at a level of cosmic proportions and you will all hear me across the nation!!!!!!!!!!!!  I cannot tolerate snakes.....  Dee, I hope your yard comes back quickly.  

 

Enough rambling.   Thinking of you all.  Have a restful night.

 

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Sherry, I am so glad that you were able to find your way back onto this site. I would miss you terribly if you could not. I love the idea of a note in the paper stating the significance of the date. Lovely. I trust that your time at the shore was a nice change of pace...

 

Leah, of course you are tired, to think of the day in and day out care-taking you have been doing...I hope that you get a break now and again, and that Mom can be made comfortable as she readies herself for her next journey. Rest when you can and know you are loved and thought of.

[Guest]

.

[Sistergldnhair66]

Shannon, what a great picture of Trista..such a sweet smile.

 

Leah, I send many many wishes of strength to you.  My mom passed suddenly of a heart attack in her home. I can still remember the day like it was yesterday.  My dad suffered another two years with emphysema and my sister and I did so much of his caretaking, so I know you are tired. But I know as tiring as it was, and how sad it made me, I had a peace within knowing I was able to do for him what I was doing.  

 

Sherry, so nice to get away..and for you to come home to your message about your boy in the paper.  I'm afraid that people won't remember Matthews Angel date..maybe the first year but there after?  

 

I recently posted an article here I had read, and it said there are two days a year that we need a time out..their birthdays and their angel dates.  

 

It's been busy around here.  My daughter called me Tuesday when I was still in PA, that there was an animal stuck in the chimney pipe for our wood stove. She decided to climb to the roof to try to free it and ended up falling from the ladder. Luckily my NEW patio furniture broke her fall, and she only ended up with a bruised and cut knee and calf. My son came over last night and went up and freed the bird that was stuck in there. And then this morning getting ready a bird zipped through my house!!  After nearly having a heart attack I opened all the doors and it flew out.  

 

Today we also took my granddaughter to the zoo. She had a great time, and it was beautiful day spent with my daughter and my granddaughter.  My granddaughter just loves her aunt Amanda, or Da Da, as she calls her.  Does my heart good. Even when she sees a picture of Matthew, she knows him, and will say his name, Matthew. It's music to my ears.

 

Love to all..to have a peaceful night.

[Mermaid Tears]

gosh..am here...so...busy...will post tomorrow...I guess some people think I am 'ok'....

[ericasmom]

Eileen, was Matthew a bird lover???Wondering if he made his presence known this morning. How nice that you were able to spend the day at the zoo with your Daughters and Grand Girl. I do believe that Matthew was there as well, sitting on your shoulder and taking in the love.

 

Lora, so glad that Jared's housing is all taken care of. How cool that he will go to Nicaragua. He is a go-getter for sure, loving to learn all that he can.

 

Susan, I hope the extra rain hasn't caused any flooding for you. We finally have our yard drained off but it is spongy and we don't know how many plants might not make it.

 

Wonderful that the HAWKS won the Stanley Cup the other night, very exciting game, hard to watch but fun. It is such a good team of people. Tomorrow the city holds the parade and hoopla. I would bet that the players are exhausted and ready to go home to rest for a few days.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Dee,

I'm glad your yard is finally draining. I've been thinking about that because I know you and your husband spend a lot of time on your flowers and plants. It always sounds so pretty. I tried to do some research to see if there is anything you can do to save the plants after a flood but it seems  that it's mostly just wait and see if they make it. We've had a ton of rain but no flooding. Where my Gramma and Sis live is a mess though. People near the river have had to leave their homes and a neighboring county has declared a state of emergency. My Sis flooded her car trying to drive through high water and people are floating down the streets on row boats. What a mess. 

 

Eileen, 

Thank you! I love that picture too, with all the bright yellow in the background, I think it brings out her hair and eyes. I was wondering the same thing as Dee about the bird... maybe a visit? 

 

Lora,

I love the scholorship your doing in Cara's name. I think it's a beautiful way to honor her and keep her memory alive and I love that the soccor team honors her the ways they do. Good luck on your move. I do think your cats will adjust. I was concerned about mine too... moving from the suburbs to the country. They are used to going in and out as they please. Mostly out in the warmer months. I was sure one of them was going to get attacked by something. The trip down was tough on them. They'd never been caged before but once we were here they settled right in. They love having all the room to roam and I'm pretty sure we won't have any problems with mice. 

 

Sandy,

I agree! No snakes! I think sometimes each loss can take us back to other losses and especially the loss of our child. I've experienced that since losing Tris. I don't think it's going backward. Just part of this journey. 

 

Sherry,

Your trip sounds like a nice a way to rest and recharge. I think the write up for Davey in the paper is a beautiful idea. 

 

Leah, 

Thinking of you and hoping you get the rest you need. I know what you're doing is a labor of love and has to be so tiring... physically and emotionally. 

 

We finally have sun today so I am thankful. I don't mind a good rain and I love a good thunderstorm but too much and I start to feel as waterlogged and grey as the earth. 

 

Sunday will be my Trista Mae's 20th Birthday. It's sort of a milestone year. No longer a teen. I can't help but think... what would she be doing? Where would she be? Probably away at college... Would she come home for her Birthday or stay and celebrate with friends? Would I meet her for lunch and shopping? How would our relationship have grown and changed in the past two years because she was only 17 when she left? Who would she be? Who would I be? Sometimes I can let my mind go and pretend for a minute but then I have to remind myself that this is not our reality. I just miss her so much. 

 

I wanted to share a song a friend shared with me the other day. 

https://youtu.be/lxUxfpKhs9k

[Mermaid Tears]

I should have a clear schedule today....first in a long time....

 

Lora.....so happy to read your post and learn you are doing 'ok'....I, too, think of you and your Cara...and wonder how you are on your grief journey....

     Many of us are walking the 3rd year of this journey...last week I was digging in the dirt and thinking of the many shades of grief....

   at first....Grief was this Foreign Entity that sat beside me...walked and talked with me...I could not 'see..hear..understand' ...it was not communicating with me....I understand now it is because the 'thought..idea...truth' that my child had passed was so shattering to my whole being....my whole persona shut down...and I was on auto pilot...and that is how I 'lived' for a long, long time...

    Now.....it is like my Grief has in some way formed a process of osmosis...and is entering...coming inside me...and now I carry my grief.

     It is NOT acceptance....

  It is NOT invited...

My grief has it's own power to change it's shape....color....voice....

Some days I have control of my grief...some days...it over powers me and I have a huge meltdown...

I think it is all very normal...

   

I have to go along with what many parents have said....this kind of grief is very different than the grief I suffered when I lost my parents....

 

Lora....I, too, am a workaholic...I have always had the energy of 10 people....but...with your schedule...I think I take a backseat to you....as long as it is working for you....then it is good. I thought of you and Cara on June 13th..my daughter's birthday and the day my Dad died...

 

Shannon....I do relate to your feeling of being 'one' with the God/Mother/Father of the Universe...maybe our grief makes us come to such a standstill in life....we can take in the tiny...humble....and all is precious and sacred...

 

Dee.....I hope your yard can dry out....many roads and coastal areas are flooded.....yesterday I was surprised at the high winds and rain that lingered in our area...and today...it is a slow rain...the weather man says we should see some sunshine today....how is your nephew and Sis ? Did they find a Rehab ?

 

Sherry.....the trip to the coast and letting the salt breezes blow over you is a perfect vacation to me....I always knew that when I hit the beach my heartbeat and metabolism slowed down to normal....

 

Kate...I think you must live in the most perfect flower country....thanks for sharing...our Texas sun would decimate those pretty flowers...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....we all wish we could have been there when they drove Jesse's car away....just to hold on to you...knowing the waves of emotion washing over you....a milestone for grieving parents....just an ordinary thing for others...

 

How those small things become big things in our lives...and how we have changed...

[daveydow1]

Dee-----So much rain here.  Neighbors told us that it rained every day when we

were away, and it continues this week......some flooding in many areas.  How is

it in your area?  Too much more of it, and I'm afraid it will just ruin the garden

and flowers......and they were all coming along so nicely.

 

Shannon----Yes....going to the seashore makes one forget their troubles for

a time, and just step back and appreciate nature, and the tides.

 

Susan---Thanks for the inspiring screenshots....they say so much. Has the

rain/flooding in your area let up some?  Now....it's Tropical storm Bill sending

more rain.

 

Lora-----I think your kitties will adjust in the move.  Pets are amazingly flexible

in ways, and soon settle in. They just love their masters.....and all is right

with them. They are such a comfort, as you say.

 

Eileen----thanks for your kind words.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Sandy----I'm so sorry for the load that you are carrying, and the recent passing

of your dear mother, and grieving for  your brother, and of course....your sweet Sarah.  Peace & comfort.

 

Leah-----It must be so very difficult...seeing your dear mom so very ill.  My mom also

repeats a lot of things when I visit her at the nursing home.  So heart-wrenching to see

a beloved parent failing....I know....I'm sorry.  You are the soul of kindness in your care

of your mom, and I send thoughts & prayers for your strength.

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sandy, I am sorry for the loss of your mom. Hugs.

 

Leah, sending prayers for this difficult time.

 

Susan, thanks for the thoughts...

 

I would say more but I am so tired. I sold some of Jesse's things but I think after this it would be just easier to give it away...

 

Today another letter came from the DA attorney's office for another date, June 26.

 

Will say more later this week...I am just exhausted. Thinking of everyone here and wishing all a gentle evening.

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes Laurie...all of us can relate to that kind of exhaustion....

before I lost John David....and I would have a busy day....and in the evening I would have this wonderful feeling of exhaustion....for all that I had accomplished...

then....I experienced this grief exhaustion...it is different because it sucks up all good intentions...it isolates and reinvents itself each day....another shade of grief.

 

 

 

this prayer sums up what I pray now....

[ericasmom]

A big frog Sandy? I like them myself, and yes, snakes can be more of a scream moment. The rains have been relentless and continued into the morning today, with wild wind and rain being driven in three directions at one time, but thankfully, that was brief and it gave way to a cloudy but dry/muggy day. I was able to spend some time iwth the Grandbabies today and with my Son. Good day.

Sandy, I don't think that I knew that you lost a brother so soon after losing Sarah. How sad. And yes, when we grieve another loss in the time following our Child's leaving, we revisit that loss again, the deepest loss of all. We cannot help but do that. So missing your Girl even more makes sense to me right now as you cope with the loss of your Momma. I am holding your hand.

 

Laurie, I must have missed a post or something, I did not read that you sold Jesse's car. I know that that must have been very difficult. And now a new date to face coming up. I wish you some deep rest and good days in which to replenish.

 

Susan, I do like that prayer you sent today. And I too ask for help to let me do the right thing by others each day.

And let us all pray for those so deeply affected by the senseless killings in South Carolina yesterday.

Dear God and Angels, please reach your love into the families and friends and townspeople to heal and come together stronger and more united than ever before. Let unity be what we move toward Lord, the blend of all people and all beliefs, with full respect to one another.

 

Sherry my goodness the rain! Our garden is trying to dry out, the Louisiana Iris did fine, used to tropical type weather, but we shall just wait and see on many of the plants, just as Shannon said. (thanks Shannon for checking on my plants). There is little we can do but I take heart as we have had flooding in the yard for several years, and most things do okay. We have had a hard time getting Butterfly bush to return since we started getting flooded...most of what we have are native to prairie life so they are good adapters.

[Sholl1955]

Yes, Dee, my brother died from lung cancer about 6 months after Sarah.   I think grief for him got lost in trying to crawl out of the deep pit I was in at that time.     I miss all of them.  My little Maddie has been sick this week and I admit that I get a bit nervous when they get sick.  I don't let them know it.  Her daddy took her to the doctor and she seems like she starting to get better.

 

The frog, I don't mind too much but it was strange.   It did not have feet that you usually see on a frog.  It was like they had long sharp pincher like toes.   He was big, and brown.   Could that be a toad and not a frog?    I am so citified, and just don't know my wildlife..

 

Thinking of all tonight.  Have a restfull night.

 

Sandy

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Sandy....I, too, have the same reaction to almost 'all' things...

I have the 'WHAT IF'....'WHAT IF' SOMETHING HAPPENED TO MY OTHER LOVED ONES....

I walk and talk with that fear....it does not leave me...I will never be the same again...

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Sandy and Susan,

Me too. I can be so fearful about something happening to one of my Boys. Aiden being only five I have him with me most of the time. Zak is 16. He is ready to get his permit and start driving. He could have a year ago but didn't. Maybe he's nervous too or maybe he is giving me time. The idea scares me so much. But then I know if he doesn't get his license he will want to ride with friends. I am more afraid of that. At least with Zak behind the wheel, he is in control and he knows what can happen. I'm just not ready for this at all. 

[Jeff's Mom]

I know this is a very special weekend coming up and will be difficult for all Dads that have lost a child. We are all holding you close and wishing you a day that is filled with loving and beautiful memories as you remember the life of your child. How lucky we were to have been given the gift of sharing in their lives. I know that as much as I miss my son dreadfully...and it is tragic that he died at such a young age... I would not have missed the opportunity to have been his Mom for anything.  Thinking of you all. Ted, Wade, Surreal, Brian's Dad, and everyone else.

 

Dee and Sherry, I really hope that the rains have not caused too much damage to your property. It can be really overwhelming when you have put so much effort into your landscaping. It has been a very unusual season for us. The days are for the most part a pleasant temperature, but definitely not the usual hot days we had in the past. The nights are getting very chilly and that is what concerns me. Last night it dropped to a cool 6C. That is crazy for this time of June. I am keeping busy as I have four houses that I am housesitting this next while. Actually watering and tending their outdoor gardens. I am the "keeper of the keys" these days it appears. "No" does not appear in my vocabulary. Although it is quickly becoming apparent that I can not keep up with this much longer. Thank heaven they are not gone for long.

 

Laurie, both Ross and I were shaken as we watched Jeff's car leave. I left it in our driveway for well over a year before I could bring myself to make that move. It's hard.

 

Sandy, I fear "fear" itself.  Worrying about things that we can not alter can make us crazy and sick. It is natural to be afraid for our other children. You have also had your scare with Rachael not long ago. Honestly, I think we all need a "Time Out!" Have we not lost enough? Sadly, life continues and it will bring us challenges regularly.

 

It is a sunny day today...at least for now. We are off to the city for the day to have some fun...sounds funny to say that at my age....but heck, after the year we have put in I'm going for it!  This is a good day for us both health wise and we are taking advantage of it. Wishing everyone a peaceful day. Love, Kate

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....you and Ross so deserve some 'fun on the town'....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thinking of all the Daddy's..that will be thinking of their child...we all grieve in different ways...just because a man does not show emotion like a woman....or does not voice his deep grief....does not mean they cared less...or that the grief does not hurt them to their core and soul....

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....I really have to catch myself when my thoughts and emotions spiral out of control with the 'what if's'...

I have to reconnect my dots....and come down from the tree....put my feet on the ground and remind myself I do not have Super Human Control.....only Super Human Love....

[tobyfreefoot]

susan--another shade of grief. that is a good expression. it seems like everyday it is something a little different. maybe less, maybe more, maybe just...

maybe a happy memory, maybe a product on a shelf, maybe an ache of missing, maybe an entire crash, maybe a wistfulness...but it is never nothing. and i am glad it is never nothing because that would mean he was gone from my life.

 

madelyn put her hand on my t shirt and said "i can feel your heart. i can feel uncle forest. i am going to go see...i am going to go where he is...i am going to visit him soon" she is trying to wrap her head around death. so sweet, so sad, so so part of my daily life.

 

 so did the remnants of hurricane bill hit you? here is my driveway           

the creek under the new bridge the old road i use to take before the new bridge

and falls into my front pond

 

if anyone remembers angela who lost her beautiful vivacious little girl charlotte, i got a message from her.  she has a new baby boy elliott born in dec. spelled with 2 t's in char's memory.

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Thinking of all of our Dads this weekend...

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Gretchen...

and i am glad it is never nothing because that would mean he was gone from my life.

 

I love what you wrote and I so agree. 

 

So much flooding. We've been lucky here. Lots of rain but no flooding.  

These are a couple of pictures my step-daughter took where she and most of my family live

[Mermaid Tears]

Bill is leaving his calling card in lots of places...we have overcast skies today...so far...no more rain...but some is predicted for later this afternoon....so many sticks, limbs in the yard....lots of leaves in the pool....and the pool water is cold....it had warmed up....

 

 

 

Gretchen....I agree....and we come to terms with the fact that we didn't have a choice...in having grief come and reside in our lives....

   but every parent will say if they had a choice in not having this grief...if they had not had that child...

we would choose having that child...again and again....

  this is a process....a learning time...

 

those small hands have so much healing in them...

[shorty16]

My BI friends,

Today is 7 years since we saw our Brian.

We had a nice day. Weather was great, Aaron came home early, and the Chinese Laterns were awesome.

As usual, lots of anxiety and crying leading up to the date, but the actual date was ok.

Love you

Colleen, Nrians Mom forever

[ericasmom]

Brian, sending you love and hope on this day, the hardest date in your Family's lives. Please make sure that you breeze into the house today, offering the absolute sense of you for them. A gift for sure. You are missed Sweet Boy, that smile shines on however, in the hearts of those who love you.

 

Colleen, may your days be filled with goodness and light. I am glad that you had lanterns and family all around.

[Mermaid Tears]

Colleen....sending wishes that your SONshine boy gave you and yours a sign that he was near...I remember every day what you posted....and I strive to have it one day...'you made grief your friend'....the point that we learn to carry it..

I describe my journey in learning to sit between 'Grace and Grief'....it is just so damn hard at times...but we do learn to survive...

[tobyfreefoot]

BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN

just want your mom to see your name still bold and beautiful today as it ever was.

 

i think of you often and share your story in order to perhaps save others from the same tragic accident.  i have known many kids to do this including two of my own. i wish teens were as invincible as they feel. the fun teens flock to is often so dangerous. we have had several accidents in our community where kids were doing something awesomely fun but deadly. the same as we think it will never happen to us (losing a child) they also think it will never happen to them.  sending love colleen and glad you are now able to have some moments of remembering your baby with the joy he gave you.  

[Jeff's Mom]

Colleen, I am glad that you had a nice day yesterday. The Chinese lanterns sound wonderful! I know how close the dates are between Jeff and Brian. The years continue to unfold yet the loss is the same. We just learn how to carry it in a different way and find happiness wherever we can.  

[tobyfreefoot]

for any new people as colleen said, i also find the days leading up to the angel date and birthday to be filled with anxiety and grief more than the actual days themselves. just wanted to give you some hope and info of my experience if you are heading into one of these days for the first time or two so you may be more prepared for the unexpected storm that the preceding days can bring.

 

[ericasmom]

Gretchen, the photos you attached are amazing, what strength the water holds, scary. I am glad that you are well. Is the trip still on?

 

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Colleen,

It sounds like a beautiful celebration of BRIAN. I'm so glad you were surrounded by loved ones and I hope you each felt Brian's Love all around you. 

 

I agree that the days before and sometimes the days after can be filled with much more anxiety than the actual day. Sending you lots of love today. 

 

Tomorrow is Trista's 20th. My Gramma and Sis and kids are due to be arriving soon to spend the night and celebrate our Girl and her Birth on the Solstice. I had plans to light candles in Trista's Garden and do a balloon release. We also planned on a fire and drumming to bring in the Solstice. Right now Mother Nature is pouring down rain so we may rearrange the plans to celebrate indoors and maybe be able to release the balloons between downpours. 

 

A friend sent me a link to an article about Children born on the 21st. I knew Tris was born on the Gemini-Cancer cusp. She definitely had traits of both and I'm a Cancer so two introspective overly emotional souls... The article called this cusp the Cusp of Magic. I hadn't heard that before. I like it. My Magic Girl. Today I'm wearing her La Lune/Le Soleil t-shirt. She is a child of the Sun and Moon being born on the Solstice and the the cusp of the Cancer Moon sign. 

 

Thinking of all today and sending wishes for a peaceful day. 

[daveydow1]

BRIAN......BRIAN....BRIAN......SAYING YOUR NAME, AND REMEMBERING YOU TODAY....

YOUR  ANGEL  DAY.  SEND  A  LITTLE BEAMING SMILE  DOWN TO  YOUR MOM  AND DAD,

AND FAMILY to  warm  their  hearts.

 

Colleen......Thinking of you today...a difficult day for your family.  Peace &  comfort.

 

 

Dee-----I'm able to get through to BI.....at least for now,  so that's good.

 

 

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL  IN THE   BEYOND  INDIGO   FAMILY.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Shannon....your girl's Angelanniversay....and her birthday are so close...the day she came to live on her earth home...the day she went to live in her first home....and I like your 'Magic Girl' , too....am glad your Grama and sister can be with you...and hope the clouds will part so all of you can carry through with the plans...they sound so 'Trista'...of course....with Mama in charge of all the plans....there is a strong spirit of that love that can only come from a Mama's heart...thank you for sharing all of the parties you and Trista planned...all of them will be wrapped up in memory and remembrance....

   Sometimes I think we all carry on with some kind of divine adrenalin...or some kind of sacred jet fuel to get us through this...

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

I am sending a blessing to all of the Dad's on this site....may you find a tiny bit of healing...today knowing your child left this earth home knowing their Daddy loved them with a love that even death could not diminish...

 

Please read this....use your child's voice....this brings me so much solace...I can only hope it brings you a tiny bit of comfort....

[ericasmom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Trista, the Summer Solstice is your character, bringing warmth, birds, butterflies, flowers, joining people together after a long winter, it is you who this Day is celebrating. You are the picture of Summer, the very essence of its blooms.

I know that you have led your Momma and Brothers to seek a safe and nurturing place, always guiding those who you love most. I know that they feel you often in their midst, and we thank you Angel Trista for your ability to show them the way.

 

Shannon, such a beautiful date in which to usher your Daughter into the world...I know the bitter of bittersweet, but OH What a Girl you Have in Trista, leading you to new experiences to stand in her love and her light.

[ericasmom]

To All The DADS!!!

I know how tough this date is each year as you find your way...just know that Your Kids are loving you from their new home, smiling on the Father you have always been. Stand tall as you can and feel the love poring into you on this and each day.

[tobyfreefoot]

[LauraI]

 

Wishing everyone a beautiful day, I know our children are with us always.  Much Love and Blessings.

[TearsInHeaven]

For all the dads who have this day before and after them.  May your child have come to give you peace and share their beautiful happiness.  You are still their best dad ever and they hold you in their embrace.

 

For Trista---- For Brian  as another mark on the forever card-- bring you families  peace and comfort as they deal with this most difficult of days.  Share your  light with them.

[tobyfreefoot]

my mom and dad when forest graduated from college. my dad died less than a year after forest. happy father's day daddy

[ericasmom]

What a great photo Gretchen. Your parents are sweet looking and I do see the resemblance to your Mom in you. Was Forest close to his Grand-dad? Does Mom live nearby?

[ericasmom]

I will try to find a photo to send of my Son, Daughter in law, and Grand-kids/ we were at the other set of Grandparents today having dinner and celebrating Fathers' Day...

[Mermaid Tears]

[Mermaid Tears]

Gretchen...thanks for sharing....

   Everytime I see a photo of your SONshine boy....I get the 'feeling' or something....that I know him or Have seen him...some photos seem to have a heavier claim than others....

 

don't know....

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Dee, 

I love the pictures. You have such a beautiful family. I hope you all had a really nice day celebrating Father's Day together. Was the weather good? We finally had a beautiful sunny day. Thank you for thinking of me and of Tris today. I love the words you wrote. She would too. I just see her smiling at the way you described her. 

 

Susan,

Thank you for thinking of me today. We were able to follow through with most of my plans despite the weather. Yesterday, after my Sis and Grams got here we had a flash flood. It happened so fast. All we could do was watch in awe at the power of Mother Nature. I did meet more neighbors after the storm as we all worked our way through knee deep water to clear debris out of the road so another neighbor could get through to get home. By today... sunny and beautiful. I love all the pictures you shared today... the poems and the Solstice Blessings... and the fairies. 

 

Dianne,

Thank you for your kind words for Tris and for Brian. These are hard hard days. 

 

Gretchen, 

I love the picture of Forest and your parents. I didn't know you lost your Dad so soon after Forest. They look so happy and proud in that picture. I can also see a strong resemblance in you and your Mom. Thank you so much for thinking of Trista today. She for sure would have loved that flower cake. It looks like something she would have chosen herself. 

 

Last night we all went for a long barefoot walk once the rain stopped. Aiden was completely drenched and he loved every second of it. We sat on the porch until very late/early and talked, remembering our Girl. At midnight we lit 20 candles for Tris. We left them burn until we were ready to go in and then made wishes before blowing them out. This morning I made brunch for everyone and we went out for another very long walk. Lots of walks today but I needed that. In some ways this has been the hardest year. Less shock I guess. This evening we did a balloon release and had a picnic and strawberry cake, one of Trista's favorites, and another long walk. Aiden had such a big day he didn't make it for the sparklers. Tris loved them and every year on her birthday she got a big supply for the summer. Gramma and I decided to light them for her ourselves so we wrote Trista's name in sky. We hid the evidence so Aiden doesn't get upset with us. Then we just sat on the front porch watching the fireflies. After yesterday's storm it is a beautiful clear sky and you can see every star. At one point I was sure I saw a shooting star but it may have been a very high, fast moving firefly. They blend with the stars... there are so many. 

 

On one of walks today I found a penny on the road. Aiden asked for it but instead of putting it in his pocket he said he wanted to make a wish. He tossed it into the creek running beside the road and said... I wish Sissy would come back. I tried to explain to him that she can't... not in the same way but she's always with him. It's so hard to explain to a 5 year old. And my Zak... today was Father's day and his Sister's Birthday and he's lost them both. Sometimes I feel very incompetent. I can't make this better for them. 

 

Some pics from the flood... 

 

Trista Mae's 20th Birthday and Solstice Celebration

Dove Balloons

     

 

Trista Mae,

 

Today I chose to spend the day finding love, beauty and joy as many places as I could ... because I know that's what you want for me and because nothing is more beautiful to me than the day you were born and no one has ever brought more love and joy to my life than you and your brothers. I love you, Tris, so so much. Happy Birthday... Happy Solstice... Dance with the fairies and butterflies and fly free, Baby Girl. I miss you and love you more than words can say...Forever walking in your light... Love, Mom

 

Some pictures from our walks today...

 

          

 

 

Child of the Sun

There is about her, fold on shining fold,

A radiance, an aureole of gold.

Yellow is soft upon her cowslip hair.

A warm ray finds her mouth and lingers there.

In a bright spreading pool of light she stands

Holding the overflow in small cupped hands!

This sun will never set, for some will stay

Forevermore in an unending day.

It will go on and on; it will be part

Of growth of mind, of spirit, and of heart.

To one who has known time so sweetly light

How could it ever be completely night?

~Geraldine Ross~

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Belated Birthday Greeting:

Happy Heavenly Birthday Trista, May your mom and brothers feel your sweet blessings from above...

 

Brian, may your mom feel your love close to her...love is forever...

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....love, love those photos and that circle of love....those tiny hands have so much healing in them...one can almost feel it come through the screen....

 

 

Shannon....where your new home is....looks like a Trista Place....love the photos....I feel as if I was a part of it all...and all of us on this site know the energy it took to create that special day for all the loved ones on this earth home...to celebrate that amazing blonde, beloved and beautiful daughter....please give yourself a hug and pat on the back...

[Jeff's Mom]

LOVE, Love, Love...all of the pictures shared. Beautiful people with smiling faces.

 

Shannon, your photos of the kids and home are lovely! That was some storm you had. Glad everyone was ok.

 

Dee, what a sweet family you have. The kids are growing like crazy. Just love those curls.

 

Gretchen,  what a nice photo of your parents with Forest.

 

Father's Day turned out to be very good. The first one that my husband actually said he has enjoyed since Jeff died. Everything was perfect. The weather was lovely and we finally made it into the bench to plant the flowers. It felt good to finally get it accomplished. As we walked along the path we encountered a couple with their young son and dog who were walking into the site to sit on the bench and enjoy the view of the lake. It felt good to know that others also feel the peace that surrounds this place. It is always buzzing with activity. From gulls, pelicans, eagles, foxes, deer, butterflies, etc. On the way back home we were surrounded by more dragonflies than I could count. I always feel a sense of real peace and solace when I visit. Without actually being said... it tells me that all is well... and he is fine.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful week. Kate

 

 

[ericasmom]

Thanks all for the comments about the Kids, they are my heart for sure.

 

Kate, I am glad that  you and your Husband had a good day yesterday, that he could feel good in his steps. I hope the flowers planted do well and that the beautiful area fills over and again with dragonflies, God's messengers. Peace.

 

Shannon, the area you live looks as I imagined, the photos so great, Aidan looks so like his Sis. And yes, sometimes we just don't have what we wish when it comes to the grief of our Kids. Zak has such a role model in you though, to love and welcome love and grow oneself to love again, to give to the world with heart. This is what you do. Glad you are okay after that flooding. More rain here today...coming Sherry's way tomorrow and then out east...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Trista xx

Colleen I hope and pray you felt Brian close xx

Just reading posts at this time. Finding it so tough Feeling exhusted and my hearts filled with dread all the time.

Sending love and hugs to all Georgina xx