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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Angel Boy of Mine

Laurie wrote:************************

Becky, I know I asked you for the link before, but can you repost the link to your poetry that was online? Thinking of your family as you all head toward this angelversary date...going to read what you just posted...

 

 

http://jdarasboxers.com/MothersDiary.htm

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Becky, what you wrote is truly honoring Jared....I have no answers, as we who have lost our beautiful children know there are none. I do not understand why some have to bear such a nightmarish situation in life....the struggle to find justice, the indifference as to a beautiful life lost, the thoughtless remarks and actions from those in law enforcement that have forgotten, "To Protect and to Serve"....I send you a hug today and know your tears are shared for Jared.

 

 

 

 

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I lost my daughter May and 30th, 2014. she was my best friend. She was the one I talked to about everything. I am so lonely without her. I have her 15 year old son, and that helps a lot. He keeps me busy. With her gone, my Mom in a nursing home, My Dad starting to lose it, I keep thinking how much more can I take. I fill so alone.. I never went a day without seeing or talking to Amanda, and now she's gone.

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Amanda36----I am sorry for your loss of your dear daughter.  As others have

said....there really are no words to describe the pain, sorrow, heartache of

losing a beloved child.........And, being the most devastating thing to ever

happen to a parent,......there are no real words to console.  It will be a comfort

 to have your grandson with you.  Just know that you can come here

to this site anytime and read/post whenever you feel you want to. Wishing you

peace.

 

 

Sandy-----

Yes--- this journey has its lonely times. I guess it's just part

of the road that no one ever wishes to be on.  I, too, have felt loneliness many

times.  Wishing brighter days for you, and  that your memories will warm your heart.

 

Wade-----Thank you for your lovely birthday wish for David.  Also,  thanks for

the pic of the beautiful Tiffani's quilt.....so very nice.

 

 

Becky----

Testing the victim BEFORE  the driver?   That's insane, but I know that it

is true because it happened in our case when David was killed by the truck driver.

Just plain crazy!  Thanks for your wishes for David's birthday.  Yes.....JD is riding

his skateboard all around heaven on the streets of gold.......dear sweet boy.

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY    TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry    

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Too sleepy to write much but want to stop and say hello to Amanda's Mom, Liz. Liz, life is very hard right now for you, for your Grandboy too I would imagine. It will get softer over time, but that is down the road, right now you are experiencing that awful sense of empty arms, broken heart, loss beyond compare. Please come here whenever you want or need, we are here.

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Hello everyone....it seems it has been a very long time since I was on, but for some weird reason, my computer would not allow me access.  Kept telling me that the site is "dangerous" to my computer and blocked me out completely. 

things have been pretty hectic here the last couple of months, so I didn't have time to try to track down the problem.  I was sitting here just now and thought I would give it a try again.  I got right in!  I still can't use some of the features (can't change colors...have to continue with whatever one I start out with...if I try to change color, then my cursor automatically goes back to the very beginning.  So, anyway, I am on, and that is good news.

I am sitting here with muscle spasms in my neck and waiting for the medicine I took a bit ago to kick in.  It's my first time taking it, so I only took a half dose, as muscle relaxants generally do me in completely for a pretty good while and make me so groggy.  I have had these spasms since yesterday, though, and perhaps in lala land is where I need to be...so very painful. 

I will come back tomorrow and read back a few pages to "catch up" on what I can.  Right now, my eyes are drooping like crazy.

Just because I couldn't get online here, sure doesn't mean that I haven't thought of you all.  Every day, in my mind and in my heart. 

This is a crazy month for me...just like August, only reverse....in August young Mike's bday was the 20th and hubby's angelversary was the 30th.  In October, hubby's bday is October 12th, and young Mike's angelversary is the 14th.  It is so hard to believe so much time has gone by without seeing either of them, but of course, Mike's being gone EIGHT years is just surreal. 

I hope all are doing well, and as I wrote above, I will come back on tomorrow and read for some catch up.  Love to you all. 

Carol
 

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Mermaid Tears

Carol....so many are facing a marker date in October....we will get through it someway...

    Sorry to hear of your health issues.....anyone that is having muscle spasms should drink some Gatorade...when the electrolytes get out of balance...it causes muscle spasms....it is not a cure all for ALL muscles spasms...but it helps....glad that you can get back on....all of us had that warning to come on....glad it is fixed.

 

Becky....thank you for sharing.....there is not one parent that can list any good reason they lost their child....and the ones that say 'God needed another Angel'  or.....'he is in a better place'......

  well.....that is easy for them to say cause he didn't want their Angel.....and no....all parents will say my child was in the best place for they were with me....

    We are so on the same page with you.

Now...your boy would be the first to say...'Mom...you have run the best race...now...rest and heal and be there for Jasmine'...I think you have another uphill race to run for her....you will need to gather your strength again....

am so sorry you and your family have this hideous situation you are in.

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Mermaid Tears

Amanda.....you are so new on this grief journey....it does not come with a map or compass....and it is a foreign land without your child....we want you to know that your grief journey will be as unique as your child was unique...there are some common grounds in grief....all of us on this site has lost a child....some have lost 2.....please tell us about your girl....let us know how you are doing....we do not have any answers to the big questions....but we do have hands and hearts that will reach out to you and hold you hand on this dark path...

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tobyfreefoot

amanda i am so sorry you lost your best friend and daughter, the daily pain is so all consuming in those first months i am unable to really think about them without being right back there again.  i remember how hard it was to even breath.  your grandson's loss must be overwhelming too.  we are hear to listen and be here for all you need to express.

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Angel Boy of Mine

Susan, 

Can you tell me again about the dream you had of my J.D.? I think it was before I lost access to my account here when I got so sick, cause I can't find it. Thank you!

 

Carol, so good to hear from you! I am sorry you are having neck pain. I did for years until finally having surgery, now that is better, but replaced with a whole host of other health issues. Be well.

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Thank you all so much. Today has been a very bad day. Didn't want to be alone. Kept filling like I was going to pass out. I am so exhausted. Amanda was 36. She had Spinal Bifida. She had just moved in with us 2 1/2 month before the went to heaven.  The first two months I was just coping with the way I found her. I left her for only 2 hours and came home to find her ........... It was so awful. I still don't like being in the house alone some days. I could not be in my house at all the first couple of weeks. It's getting better. I can't go to her grave. Today I broke down at the nursing home and my son had to come and get me. People keep telling me I need to go see a doctor. But I just know I can handle this.... Amanda asked me 3 days before she died, just out of the blue "Momma you have to be strong for me". I said, Joking with her.... What... You better be strong for me.. I keep thinking, did she know. I knew how bad she was getting, but I tried to stay positive for her. OMG she was the sunshine in all of our lives. She was the most positive, fun, uplifting person I know. Even in her pain. She had a smile for everyone. In our quite time just me and her, then she had me to cry to, and to talk to. 4 months before her death, she was crying and crying, she asked me, Momma why won't God take me. I'm so tired. I just want to go home. Why Momma...    I told her God wasn't ready for her yet. She still has work to do here. And until then He would not take her. I look back now and I can see all the these things. It would be so greedy of me to wish her back. But.... God I do wish I could give her one more hug. Everyday if I don't start my day in prayer, and reading my Bible...... I can't cope. Today was one of those days. Thank you all for letting me get this out there. I have been the strong one through all of this. Had people coming up to me at the funeral saying, girl you are so strong, your the strong one. I just smiled..... :unsure2:

 

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Mermaid Tears

Becky....I will try...for you...I will try...as you know....our grief journey has so much fog...but for you...our Warrior Mom...I will re-trace as many steps as I can....loving you....

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J.D. Blessings from us to you on this date, the date that changed so many lives. While your sweet life was short, it was full. A full circle. Please bless your Momma and Sis and Dad with your touch of peace, letting them know that life for them must go on in ways that cause some goodness in their spirits. Give them that hug that lets them feel your absolute love and devotion.

 

Becky, I pray that you and your Family will be able to find some kind of peace in the coming weeks, months, years. Jared is leading you.

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Angel Boy of Mine

Thanks, Dee! Jared's angeldate is actually tomorrow, but it's appreciated, as I have been a mess for weeks. 

 

Susan, if you are able to locate that post, or remember about it, I appreciate it so much!

 

Here is this morning's rendering.

 

post-392314-0-26682900-1412258584_thumb.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Liz, I am sorry for the loss of your dear daughter, Amanda. This is a good group of people here, they have helped me beyond measure. You are still in the very early months, take care of yourself, it is easy just to forget to. We all try to help each other along on this grief journey, some are further ahead.

 

Dee, Sherry, Carol and Colleen have been here the longest. Many others have come on board and also stayed. We can talk about our beloved children freely here, and be with people who truly get it.

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Becky, thinking of you as tomorrow is the angel date...

 

****************************

 

My husband did meet with the sheriff last night...still thinking about what was said. I am not sure they are being entirely truthful in the efforts to get the person who killed my son. Too many story descrepancies. That's all for now.

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Becky, I am either a day late or a day early. Rarely on time for anything. Blessings to you as you face this hard date.

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Angel Boy of Mine

Becky, I am either a day late or a day early. Rarely on time for anything. Blessings to you as you face this hard date.

 

 

Thank you Dee! I hope the weather will be clear, as we want to visit both the place where he was killed and the cemetery tomorrow. 

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tobyfreefoot

does anyone have time and ability to make me a list with names of kids, parent,birthdate,angeldate,cause of death,and state?  i get so confused and can;\'t seem to keep everyone straight.  i have a notebook but i got behind and then gave up and i really want to be more responsive.

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Mermaid Tears

What I DO know for sure.....grief is a very physical thing....it is so heavy and exhausting....

   the other part of it is how it can distort our mental capacity....

how we feel as if we are going 'crazy' during the first two years....we have those 'memories' that run like a movie through our thoughts...

 

we feel as if we live in two worlds...

  the 'brain fog'.....

the insomnia....feeling paralyzed...knocked down many times a day...

 

Becky....I am trying to let my mind open a 'portal'....

for some reason...I am sure it has to do with survival....

there needs to be a smell....a phrase....a song....a movie...a photo...or someone remembering a 'who/what/where'....for me to trigger a memory...especially short memory...

 

I tried to read my posts....but I can't go back but as far as Jan. 2014.....

if anyone on this site knows how to retrieve past posts....please inform me....

 

Becky....not only do you hit the right notes in song and singing....but you also leave no stone unturned....

Please....give yourself some extra TLC during this Angelversary...

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie.....just want you to know I was thinking of you and yours yesterday....knowing it would either be a 'very good' day or just another 'dead end' kind of day.....so I gather they still are not being up front and truthful...??

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Mermaid Tears

post-306805-0-18186200-1412283309_thumb.

 

 

 

 

 

I don't think any parent on this site did not know the value of their child....

rather.....I think what we come to 'know and understand' that we no longer take anything for granted...we are more conscience of 'those small things'.....we feel as if we know the true miracle of birth...our ability for 'unconditional love' rises to new levels....and we notice even the tiny...tiny flowers that bloom in the grasses....we see with 'another eye'....

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Gretchen,

 

Here is what I have, if there are any errors/ommissions just let me know. I see I do not have Forest birthday on.

 

Angel Dates and Birthdays
(Sorted by Angel Month)

 

Angel Dates and Birthdays
(Sorted by Angel Month)

 

**January**
Micheal Shane (Trudi) ?? – January 18, 2007, Australia
Rich (Betsy: mysonrich) June 14, 1988 - January 18, 2009, Pennsylvania

 

**February**

 

**March**
Sarah (Sandy: Sarah's Mama) December 1, 1978 – March 14, 2012

 

**May**
Stephen (Betty: Hotrod) March 4, 1966 – May 6, 2007, NYC

 

**June**
Trista Mae, (Shannon: Trista's_Mom) June 21, 1995 – June 1, 2013,
Cara (Lora: Cara’s Mom) November 11, 1993 - June 13, 2012, Pennsylvania
David (Davey) September 26 - June 14, 2003 (Sherry: daveydow1), Ohio
Brian (Colleen: shorty16) July 12, 1991 – June 19, 2008, Wisconsin

 

**July**
Forest (Gretchen: Forest’s Mom) ?? - July 3, 2011, oklahoma
Erica (Dee: Ericasmom) April 4, 1984 - July 14, 2003, Illinois

**August**
John David (Susan: Mermaid Tears) March 10, 1970 - August 3, 2012, Texas
Lane (Wanda: lovU2themoom) July 18 1996 - August 9, 2013, Canada

 

**September**
Brooks (Wade: Wgreenlee) May 18, 1989 - September 9, 2013, New Mexico
Sam (Debbie - SamsDMom) December 4, 1990  – September 21, 2013, Oklahoma?

 

**October**
Jared (Becky: JD’s Mom) April 23, 1996 - October 3, 2011,
Jesse (Laurie: JesseDavidsMom) August 2, 1984 – October 10, 2012, Wisconsin
Mike (Carol: mikesmomrs) August 20, 1975 - October 14, 2006, New Hampshire

 

**November**
Steve (Mary Ann: Steves Mom) July 17, 1982 – November 14, 2011, California
Lisa K. ?? - Nov. 15, 1970; (Sherry: daveydow1), Ohio

**December**
Jeff (Kate) July 16, 1981 – December 12, 2009, Gimli, Canada

Jessica (Kathy: summergirl)

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Posted Today, 02:10 PM

From Susan,

 

"Laurie.....just want you to know I was thinking of you and yours yesterday....knowing it would either be a 'very good' day or just another 'dead end' kind of day.....so I gather they still are not being up front and truthful...??"

 

*************************************

 

Just my husband went in to talk with the Sheriff. I am not sure how much effort they are really putting out. If something does not give soon, we will be putting out an ad in the newspaper and maybe some posters as well. I am not sure how to set up the bank account yet for the reward, but will figure that out. I am hoping the sheriff dept will be helpful in this regard.

 

****************************************

 

Also, my mom had another sibling die on Monday. (A brother) That is 3 gone since April. It was somewhat expected, but just a lot to take in.

 

So just been just in limbo-land with everything. Sigh...

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie......as we go along and come along.....we find that we come into a circle of caring....and our empathy...has another level.....and so it is with your Mom.....and your family.....I find I have a 'kinship' with your Mom....for she lost a beautiful daughter....her child....and now....she has had to face so many 'eternal good-byes'....since we have joined this site...she lost her GRANDson....your SONshine boy....and she has had to stand by you.....with your grief....and she knowing....that is all a person can do for a parent's grief....is...simply to stand by.....and be there...as grief works it's way...it's path....through the lives of the family....

   for there is really nothing we can do....

no one can really grieve for me.....

no one can work grief through me....but me....

no one can do it....

but me....

I guess that is why some feel so alone....for this is a path we walk alone...

Please...please....let your Mom know that we 'hear'....and we wish her peace...comfort...healing and GRACE...in the days ahead.....

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Hello all,

I just wanted to ask for your thoughts and prayers tomorrow morning for my youngest daughter Rachel.  She will be having a medical test for some health issues that have popped up.   She is 33 years old.  As I have shared, she still struggles greatly with the loss of Sarah and it could be adding to her health issues.   The doctor's just want to check and make sure it is nothing serious.   However I know she is scared.  When Sarah first was diagnosed the doctors told her that they were 99% sure it was nothing.  So I know it is scary for Rach and I will admit that it scares the crap out of me.   She lives 2 hours away, and with my hubby's issues I can't be with her tomorrow.  But her hubby will be with her.  I am trying to remain positive and wait for the results of the testing.   My mind cannot go beyond the here and now.

Thank you.

 

Sandy

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Sandy, prayers are being sent your way, your Daughter's way, the Doctor's way as well.

Dear God and Angels, please let Rachel be healthy and strong, let the test results show that she is in good shape, no big worries other than the huge grief that she has pushed into a dark corner. Maybe, and I hope so, that it is the grief that is saying something to Rachel and she is worn out from keeping it at bay.

Sandy, keep us posted, know that we are holding your hands..

 

Laurie, so much to think about, too many to grieve. Please give your Momma a hug from me, she has had a very sad time in these last months. Please give you a hug as well, as you have been there in all of her grief as you travel your own road fighting for justice for Jesse. Prayers and hope.

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Angel Boy of Mine

post-392314-0-78847200-1412309283_thumb.

 

I love you, Jared. 

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Angel Boy of Mine

SIgns..... I believe...

 
post-392314-0-32899400-1412337274_thumb.  This is my normal computer desktop pic.
 
 
  This was the way it appeared early am this morning.
 
 
 
During the first year after Jared left us, I used to  see these bands of light across my screen quite often, but not for a year or more now.... no doubt in my mind, on this his 3rd angelversary,  he's letting me know he's around us and that he's fine.  love U Infinity, JD!!

 

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Jared, Jared, Jared let your mom and family feel your love and know that you are near!  You are so loved and missed!

 

 

Becky, I got home from work yesterday from my second job and saw that today was Jared's angelversary.  I got out of bed at 11:30 and lit a candle for your boy.   Thoughts and prayers.   Love the collage and our children are with us always. 

 

 

post-299004-0-77237200-1412340318_thumb.

 

 

post-299004-0-07641000-1412340360_thumb.

 

 

 

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Angel Boy of Mine

Thznk you so much Lora! I am going to post to my FB page! 

 

post-392314-0-38842400-1412341501_thumb.

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Mermaid Tears

Sending you this song Becky.....it is a song that I listen to often....and I want to share it with you....

for I know that today....will be a day....when....'sometimes we cry'.....

 

They....say......that our Angels use electronics...electricity....radio and sound waves to touch us...because of the frequency..am sure....your screen is being used by your SONshine boy....to let you know he is near....try to have a peaceful and grace filled day....

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Mermaid Tears

Shannon.....we would really like to hear an update from you...we all think of you and the boys....and your Trista Girl...post-306805-0-14201800-1412364559_thumb.

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Angel Boy of Mine

https://www.facebook.com/jdaras05/media_set?set=a.4656254581762.1073741842.1755288865&type=3

 

 

We come here to visit, 
 

Even though we all know;
 

You’re now up in heaven, 
 

We still miss you so!

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JARED......JARED......DEAR BOYSAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU ALWAYS.

 Sprinkle your smile down like stardust, and warm your mama's & dad's hearts,..... and the hearts of all your family.

 

Becky----Thinking of your on this day, and wishing you comfort.

 

 

Laurie----thanks for posting the list of Angel Days.

 

Carol----Good to see your post. We did have some problems here on BI......I believe that the glitch

was on the BI end, and not our own computers. That was awhile back, and it seems that the administrators

straightened it out.  Sorry for your neck/back spasms......those are soooo painful, I know.  Hoping

that the new pain med will be effective .  Not easy to do anything or even sleep when these spasms come

on...I'm sure.   Peace & comfort to you.

 

Liz-----I'm so sorry that you are having such bad days.  This is so early for you on this rough road,

and everyday can be a real painful challenge. I know you must miss Amanda so very much, and

she was such a wonderful daughter.  Please take care of yourself, and come back here to BI (formerly

called Beyond Indigo).  Yes,.....I agree that reading the Bible and other inspirational materials can be

so much help, and give strength for so many people who find themselves on this rough journey. 

 

WISHING    PEACE   AND  COMFORT   TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,      Sherry  

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Saying Jared's name out loud today on his angelversary....

 

Jared,

           Jared,

                      Jared

 

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thanks Dee, for your thoughts...

 

Very tired tonight, had a long day...covered a lot of miles today...

 

Thinking of our sweet children...wishing to all of the BI family a restful night...

 

 

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Becky,

I love the sign from JD you shared.

I too have Posted in my galley on here a light ....photo... of a light that appeared shining on a flower arrangement for Steve's grave.

I have said about Steve " some people burn so bright that they only shine on us for a little while and then they are gone"

I am sure your sweet boy is shining his light on you today,letting you know that no matter how dark our path may get ,the light of their love will always remain shining to guide us.

Thinking of you and Jared today and wishing you peace and comfort in the light he brings.

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Jared, Jared, Jared

Saying your name and sending hugs to your family

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Laurie,

Thanks so much for posting the name list. Wonderful to see the names of our babies.

Wisconsin is rainy and cool. I am sending warm thoughts to all my friends

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Becky,

Thinking of you and Jared today.   God Bless

Sandy

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Mermaid Tears

This sums up well....our 'meltdowns'.....how we seem to live in two worlds....and the transformation we undergo ....post-306805-0-77527300-1412428062_thumb.

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Jared, Jared, Jared

 

Angel Jared... send hugs and love to your Mama today...

 

 

 

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Becky,

Sending thoughts of Jared today. I thought of JARED and your family yesterday. Was stuck w/o internet until today. I'm so sorry that I'm late. Sending hugs and warm thoughts.

Debbie

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It is very cold here today, in the high 30's low 40's with wind and drizzle. Sick weather. I hope everyone stays warm and has some sunlight in your day.

 

Peace

 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Susan, from your last screen print, those words are so very true. Adjusting to what is now is truly a challenge.

 

Dee, we had snow this morning...my  husband made Benton a tiny snowman...almost melted now..

 

Cherry and Sailormom, it was good to see your posts. Wishing you gentleness today.

 

Debbie, I hope your internet gets fixed. Ours was down for awhile...it seems to back up and running okay now.

 

Colleen, hope the snow did not hit you...don't like to see that white stuff too early.

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