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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Hi to all. It's been a few days. Catching up on reading.

Thank you to all who sent prayers. My husband is now in a safe place. No longer a danger to himself or others. It was a very long six days but now I can breathe a little easier. There will be a lot of tough choices to make over the next few weeks but for now I just want to breathe.

I've been working with my therapist on finding the right choices for myself and the boys and how to make that happen. I've feeling stronger in my ability to handle that.

On mediums, I saw one. She touched on things that made me feel that she did connect to my Trista. Her friends also went to see a medium and brought the recording to me. She said things that were very Trista. She also told them to ask me about a little bottle of perfume. She said Trista kept showing them a little bottle of perfume. Trista had 'borrowed' a small bottle of Loves BabySoft from me and never returned it. I had forgotten about it. The night before the girls went to see the medium, the bottle fell from a shelf, where it must have been sitting although I hadn't seen it there. It broke and the entire downstairs filled up with a sscent that reminded me so much of Trista.

I do love to hear the stories of other's experiences and dreams. Even the one's I've read before I love to read and reread because they touch my heart and give me hope.

Another 'coincidence' was a dream I had. Trista was on a train. It was sort of filled with white and golden light. It seemed 'otherworldly' (I don't know how else to explain it.) The train was moving and it was filled with lots of young people all talking and laughing. It was like I wasn't really part of the dream. Just being allowed to observe. I saw Tris sitting on the train surrounded by a group of young people. I can't really say ages they all seemed ageless. Just young and beautiful and happy. My dream seemed to focus on Tris and a specific young man. They seemed deep in conversation, talking and smiling and very connected. Then I woke up.

When the girls came and brought the recording for me to listen to... The medium said to the girls... One of you has been wondering if Trista can date there and if she's met a boy. They both laughed and Camara admitted that yes, she had been wondering that. The medium told the girls that Trista is in a place where she can continue to experience everything she ever wanted to experience whether it is college or dating or anything. The difference between here and there is that it is simply a thought away for her. And that yes, she has met someone very special. I have tears as I'm writing this. That was something I had thought of too. As silly as it sounds. Trista passed before ever having that type a relationship. She never had a boyfriend just boys who were close friends. She never experienced the rush of dating and falling in love. It helped my heart to hear that she can still create these experiences for herself. I wondered if my dream wasn't a gift, a glimpse into the that world to allow me to see that she is indeed having a beautiful experience.

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Mermaid Tears

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Shannon....I have been up since 3 AM.....my sleep patterns have returned to the way they were the first year after losing my John David...am thinking the 2nd Angelversary was emotional deeper than I expected it to be.....

  but then again....we do get blindsided by the heaviness of the grief journey....I am still very unbalanced in so many ways...

but I got on the computer and found these 'sayings'....and thought of you....your crippled childhood...your husband and father of your two children passing away at such a young age for both of you...your journey ...and now juggling your grief for your Trista girl....and the downfall to addictions with your husband now....

 

I know I am not the only one on this site that reads what others are going through without the thought...'gee...I wish I lived down the street'....

   for you in your situation....I do wish that were true....

but all we have are words to reach out....and words will have to do...

 

am glad that your husband is in a place where he can do no harm to himself or others...and he is going through his own 'hell'...we all pray that he can make his way back...

   am also glad you have someone to talk this through...your therapist....and am glad your Grama is there....

   how are the boys ?

 

loved that dream you had of your Trista....and the train.....she is on her own journey....

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Mermaid Tears

Karen....I, too, have had erratic sleep .....the first year after losing my John David I slept in our guest room....after about 16 months I leveled off....but now....after the 2nd Angelversary....my sleep has been very bad.....and then I do a Zombie walk all day....

      If you want to put her wedding dress on....do it....

I have a philosophy...do anything that you want....in this grief journey....except harm to yourself or others....

if putting cow poo-poo on your head sounds as if it would make you feel better....do it....

anything.....

 

I am glad Michael is coming for visits and both of you can have some deep conversations....communication is so important ...it allows you and others to open up...and not keep all the sadness inside...it is healing....

 

we are simply all in this together....and best to hold hands...

 

many on this site have had family and friends to walk away....isolate the grieving parent....and that becomes such a betrayal...

 

I hope your class at church is a positive learning experience....never too late to learn to trust and be vulnerable...childlike...

   ...we get so wrapped up in what others will think or say about us...and we become 'some one else' to please others...

 

You still have your shock suit on....don't think you aren't doing enough if you feel you cannot feel Michelle's presence...that shock suit fits very tight at the beginning of the grief journey....post-306805-0-49497300-1409069379_thumb.

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Mermaid Tears

Thanks to all on this site for sharing their story.....

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Kalikama,

One of my sons friends had a visitation dream from Steve and I have had several.i didn't want to ask him because he would think I was crazy but shortly after Steve died in one of the visitation dreams with me he said he was going to see Sean now ,that's the friend.i remember I said you can't go to Pittsburgh ( Sean's home town) all alone.and Steve said mom I'm dead ,what's the worse that can happen.ill be back soon.that was just like Steve to say something like that and his usual sence of humor.a few months later Sean came home to see his family near here and stopped in to visit,I didn't want to ask him but wanted to see if what Steve told me was real.so I just casually asked if he'd been thinking about Steve since he passed,not to give him any clue to what I was trying to find out.he said you will think I am crazy but Steve came to visit me in a dream,it was not like a dream usually is but more real and Steve hung out with me and we talked just like the old days.he said I'm sure you won't believe that.then I told him of the visitation dream I had and that Steve said he was going to visit Sean.he then said now that makes sence because Steve had said during his dream that he had to get back home soon because mom would kill him if he stayed too long...that's just what Steve would say,as I told him I didn't want him to go ....

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I think I told this before about mediums ...a few months after Steve died I was doing really bad and suicidal I just wanted to go join him.i contacted a psychic a coworker recommended.and her secretary said she didn't have any appointments for months so I left my information and expected to not likely be around in months to see her.shortly after the psychics called and said they had a sudden cancellation and that she needed to see a suicidal mother ASAP.(I hadn't told them any of that) just that I was inquiring about an appointment to schedule.so I got that cancelled appointment time soon ...and she really was good and brought me accurate and comforting information from Steve ....and that he was happy and well and loved me and didn't want me to be so sad .......it helped me at that time and I highly Reccomended her I think I have given some on this site her contact info via personal message.if anyone is interested message me.she is in phila pa but does phone readings worldwide.she is very caring and helpful and is a mother who lost her own adult daughter in an accident as well.

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Mermaid Tears--I love that analogy--the 'shock suit'.  That could be, perhaps, why I don't feel Ethan around me.  I say things and people looked shocked and I remind them that I'm still medicated and really don't have a lot of feelings about things.  "The Shock Suit."

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Mermaid Tears

Steve's Mom....thanks for sharing....yes...the visitation dreams are just so different....you will know when you have one...

 

 

I will relate my visitation dream....

 

I had to stay/sleep (?) in our guest bedroom....I could read at all hours...watch TV....cry....write...my 'persona' was scattered and splattered....my heart in pieces on the floor of my life....I was a 'mess'.....

    here on this site....I know I don't have to give anymore explanation....

 

and now....I can't remember 'when' it came....but it came when I was in the guest bedroom.....

 

  John David was sitting in front of me....his hair was black/brown...so I know he was in his 'late 20's - early 30's....his hair was longer...he was wearing this loose shirt...v-neck...and for some reason...I could see the nubby texture...it was like off white or a light creamy white....just sitting there casual....that John David 'look' and smile....looking at me....there was this fusion of light....it was bright but not like glaring flood light....just bright and soft......I don't remember me saying anything at that time..or if he said anything to me......then....he looked to the right....and I could see his profile...and his skin was just smooth and glowing.....and then.....he pulled up his shirt to show me his 6-pack....then....I said...'Bubu...you look so handsome..healthy'..and I gave him a big hug around his middle...that was it.

    When I woke up....I had total recall....and felt happy and 'normal'....I felt like 'myself'.....

  (how many times have I said...'I miss me')....

 

but I felt so 'sure' that he had come to me....I felt like I had a piece of the mystery life puzzle...and had fitted it into the big picture....I had comfort and calm....

 

I wish I could stay in that 'realm'.....but when I do get very...very down and deep in grief....I recall that visitation dream...and I can actually smile....and say 'Thank you, Bubu'....

 

I still get lost in my missing him and mourning....I still grieve...but I have that...as fleeting....it has given me a shot of faith and grace....

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Mermaid Tears

Kalik....I am sure you have a tight fitting 'shock suit' on.....

also....I would think the trauma of how your boy left has also....wrapped another layer of shock and disbelief..and chaos and you have a survival 'knee jerk' reaction that is protecting you.....

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Kate-----Your story of the woman who came to you in the tea house, telling

you that Jeff was OK  must have been so uplifting. Thanks for posting.

 

Karen---Good to see your post. The women's class sound as though it will

be very beneficial,....and your nervousness is understandable. But, since it is

12 wk. in length, everyone will become more at ease after the first few meetings.

 

 

Shannon----

I'm glad that your husband is safe now. Thanks for posting your

dream of Trista and the train.  Peace to you.

 

 

Susan----

Your dream of John David would be so inspiring and give you that

warm, peaceful feeling.  Dreams that we get, of our dear deceased children,

goes right to the heart & soul and give us the reassurance that they are OK....

something that we desparately need to know.  As I have said lots of times....

these visits/dreams come when we least expect.  I had not had a dream of

my baby, Lisa, in decades.....then once about a year or two ago, I had a dream

of her.  I have not had a dream of Dave in a long long time.....the ones I had in

the past reassured me that he was ok. Since I have not had a dream of him in

such a long time,...I feel sure that I will again sometime.

 

 

Stevesmom-----

I'm glad that your visit to the medium was a positive one for you.

 

PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

   

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butterfly in Davey & Lisa's garden

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Mermaid Tears

OH Sherry.....we so need you on this site....for your comforting words and wisdom....how I loved to see what you posted when I was 'new' here.....

  I feel like you are the neighbor I would so love to live beside me...

 

now.....I have had these other dreams of my John David....

 

in one....'we' were at a vacation spot...and I was wondering where the boys were sleeping....

 

and John David poked his head up...(sleeping on sleeping bags on the floor in a bedroom)...and said..'Mom...here we are'...

I saw him...and all was alright...

 

another dream...I was in a big place and the baby..(Wyatt John) ...needed to change his diapers....I walked by a room and John David was fixing a wall screen TV....and he just sorta waved at me....

 

in another dream....I was fixing...creating a Christmas Scene...like in front of a window....and John David came and asked me for money to buy Christmas presents...

 

each one...so normal...natural....

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Mermaid Tears

ok....Lora.....miss your comforting words...but....know we are just here....

was thinking that maybe you got another vacation ....

miss you....I will not ask you back if you don't want to come....just want you to know that what you shared meant so much to me....

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When we live our lives, the one constant is our home...be it the one we've created in our adult lives, or if our childhood was filled with the love and care that a childhood should have, then that may be the one we sometimes wander to in our minds and our hearts, seeking the comfort of familiarity and love freely given.  I have been blessed to have had both in my life.  Very blessed.  I have also been blessed to have this "home" in my life...BI.  I feel I can return here, to offer comfort when able, and to find comfort when needed.  I apologize that these last few visits have been more to receive than to give.   

My two granddaughters have been up these past two weeks from Virginia.  This is the first time they've ever flown alone and the first time they've visited alone.  They were really excited to be here, and it was a good two weeks, overall.  We had some close, good time and some very good fun time.  This was very hard work for me, as my grandson Davis has gotten completely out of control, and the bulk of the destruction has occurred during these past two weeks.  I have tried so hard to keep this away from the girls, to not allow this turmoil and drama to spoil their time here.  They live a life that is filled with the love of their mother, but have very few of those "little luxuries" we like to find in our days once in a while.   I wanted to possibly grant them just a few of those little luxuries while here (a movie, dinner out, a ferry ride, a day at the beach, a visit to an old Army Fort, back to school shopping, baking cookies, everything on a slow, easy level, were some of the things we were able to manage). However, the drama and self-destruction that Davis has been involved in this past month spilled over into our days every single day, one way or another. 

 

In the past three weeks, he has lost his job, is in the process of losing his truck, (He'd been living in his truck since he left rehab on July 22nd and the people he was staying with told him when he left to attend the rehab that he could only come back if he completed the 30 days of inpatient rehab, which he did not, leaving after only 6 days.)  He has had 3 DWI's in three weeks, and it should have been 4, except the police officer who answered the call for the second one said that "my hands are tied, because I did not actually SEE him driving, so I can't charge him with DWI."  All this despite the fact that when the officer gave DAvis the field sobriety test (on my insistence because Davis was saying that was "going to drive to work now" even though he could barely stand) Davis was unable to even follow the pen being held in front of him, as the officer moved it back and forth and told Davis to follow it with only his eyes and not by moving his head.  the officer actually had to poke Davis sharply on the shoulder to get his attention and told him "Hey, focus!"  By the time the officer got on the scene of the second accident (which occurred the very next day), Davis was out of the vehicle, and even though the car he hit was totaled (thankfully, no one was hurt), they "couldn't charge him with anything" because the officer didn't "see Davis actually driving."  Davis now, sadly and heartbreakingly, (but fortunate for those in the city where he would be driving) is in jail. 

( SHANNON:  I was reading a few of the back posts, and saw that you are having some very similar problems with your husband, and I am so very sorry this is happening in your life.  Your grief and healing process is tough enough to walk through, without all of this added worry and heartache, and I pray you find relief soon.  I hope and pray also that you are able to be relieved of any financial responsibility incurred by your husband's behavior.) 

 

I have come to learn that In the weeks before Davis's finally being arrested last Saturday night, he opened a number of credit accounts and charged items that he then sold to acquire drugs.  So, now he owes a lot of money, along with everything else.  He is likely going to lose his license for at least five years, if not permanently.  And, when he went for the arraignment on Monday for his arrest from Saturday night resulting from being reported to the police as weaving "all over the road" by a witness, the judge REDUCED his bail so that he could get out of jail.  I honestly don't understand the judicial system.  I know they have their rules, etc.  But, I have told each officer involved in each of these occasions that something needs to be done before he kills someone, and have been told by the police "My hands are tied" more times than I like to remember.  Davis is begging me to "help bail him out" as he may have to come up with the full bail that was reduced from $10,000 to $5,000.  I have told him in no uncertain terms that I will not do this, and that as far as I can see, he and the people who live in this town are better off with him incarcerated, where he cannot possibly kill someone with his recklessness, and maybe he may be able to get the help he needs to straighten his life out.  He has been in rehab three different times and left each time, now having no more recourse for that assistance.  I am afraid this is going to become one of those instances where someone does indeed get seriously hurt or even killed, and when the media comes around, it will be discussed "how could he still be on the road after getting 3 DWI's in three weeks?"  And no one will have the answer. 

 

I ask that you please keep our family in your prayers, that somehow there will be no innocent victims to his reckless behavior and that the courts will realize that they must perhaps overlook their "to the letter of the law" rules for arrests and DWI charges, and keep Davis off the street by holding him in jail until he can get the help he needs. 

 

I apologize for the rant, but I do not have anyone I can talk to about this and just needed to vent...Davis's mom is just as devastated by all of this, and is supportive to me, but also feels "hogtied" when it comes to what Davis is doing to his life and possibly to the life of others.  We wonder just how many times the police will say "our hands are tied" before someone comes up with a way to end this madness, hopefully before someone becomes an innocent victim and others will have to walk the sorrow-filled journey of losing a loved one.  I feel so very, very ashamed that this is happening, and feel so very helpless to prevent any further chaos. 

 

All of this is coming painfully on the heels of this being the last week that hubby was alive, just two years ago...this Saturday, the 30th, being his 2nd year of being gone from this earthly plane.  It seems just impossible that it is that long since I have seen his face. 

 

I am so sorry to lay this all at your feet, but it does help to have an outlet where you know that people care enough to listen. 

Sending love to all of you.  And of course, keeping you all in my prayers as we all walk this journey of healing. 

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Carol~That is quite a load to bear.  So much to think about and the only thing I can say is, "I'm sorry."  But, I'm sending lots and lots of hugs!

 

Shannon~I'm thankful that your husband is where you feel he is safe.  And, I hope that you have figured out what you all need to keep yourselves safe.  I know that you have all of the tools and support you need to make changes where necessary.  Hugs to you too!

 

 

 

 

Speaking on the mediums...I really hadn't thought about it to be honest.  But yesterday, a friend that I work with said, "Kati, I don't know what you believe, but I see things.  I can see Cora.  She is happy and she is beautiful.  She is at peace."  Apparently other spirits visit her, like my boss' son, and my friend's dog barks at every one, except my Cora.  Then she rolls over with her paws in the air, tongue hanging out, and knows that Cora is petting her.  The night I cried myself to sleep on her blanket, Cora asked my friend why I had her stuff...her blankie, but my friend wasn't sure what she meant by that.  Cora does tell my friend when I'm sad at night.  The one thing my friend told me?  She told me that I shouldn't have shoes at the head of the bed because it does something in the way of dreaming.  Whether it's true or not, I moved them last night *a pair of flip flops and my slippers* to the end of the bed, and I had a dream about my middle daughter Rae.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Took the following questions/answers from Franne Whitney Nelson who is a Sudden Death Trauma Specialist. She is a grief expert who specializes in the biochemistry of grief and how grief differs according to the manner of death. Her experience in thanatology spans over 25 years. She was recently featured on IANDS NDE radio as a guest and talked about "touches from the beyond" that bring comfort to those who are bereaved. I took a few questions from her site to post here:

Q. What advice would you give to those who are looking for ways to be really supportive to grieving people?

A. First, I would tell you to not try to talk the bereaved out of their feelings. Then I would tell you to be patient by listening to them if they need to speak over and over about their loved one - listen until you think your ears will fall off. Then listen some more.

Q. Does grieving ever end?

A. Grieving lasts for as long as you love the person who died. However, the most acute grief lasts from two to five years, depending on the manner of death, the person's age and their relationship to you.

******************************

Carol, I sorry you are experiencing so much hardship with this grandson, Davis. Prayers are sent your way. It is a hard situation.

Katibug, how supportive that your friend is able to see those in their spirit form. It does not make you miss your little girl Cora any less but is some comfort to have someone nearby you that has this special gift.

Lora, I echo Susan's thoughts. Also, Wanda, how are things...

Thanks to all who shared their special moments of dreams and other special touches from our beloved children...

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Mermaid Tears

Laurie.....later....when I don't have so much on my 'to do list'....I am going to go back over your posts and look these people up.....I am the 'forever student'.....love to learn....

 

 

Carol.....I don't have much time now...but....you are doing the 'right thinking'....it is hard....

the laws from state to state really do differ....

here in Texas...it seems to be 'easier' to stay in jail...

do not pay bail...

tough love is really tough...

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Just quickly stopping by to say I am thinking of everyone. Carol, I was very happy to see that your visit with your sweeties went well! Sorry that things are so difficult with Davis. It is one of the hardest things we have to do as a parent or family member. To have to stand back and see how a loved one is lost and in need of proper direction. Keeping you in my prayers.

 

Laurie, thank you for sharing that. Now if only people would read and actually adhere to what they are being advised to do.

 

Shannon, I am very glad to hear that your husband is now is a safe place. As Susan and everyone here will tell you...please take care of yourself and ensure you are eating and resting properly. 

 

Lora, I am hoping that the move will go without a hitch and you will find happiness in your new home!

 

Thanks to all that shared their stories about dreams, etc. Hopefully it will give support and comfort to others that are new to this journey.

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Mermaid Tears

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thought I would post these....for all on this site.....

 

then thought I would post this photo....many on this site know we have 2 sets of twin GRANDchildren...

...my cousin and his wife have been blessed with these two twin GRANDdaughters...

thought I would post something to bring a smile to many on this site...

 

we know we can all use some 'smiles' on this journey....

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Susan, yes...they did bring a huge smile to my face! Millie and Kate are just adorable. I do believe we all needed that. Thanks. :) 

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During the first day of school on Monday, we got a call saying that my Son's wife was in labor...so since then, husband and I lived at their home with Erica baby until late this afternoon when Mom, Dad, and baby boy Michael came home. Erica, the queen, is a bit miffed but I am hoping she will find a way to cope.

We are happy and glad to have been helpful. Tired though, so I will try to catch up on reading and talk with you all in the next days.

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Mermaid Tears

Oh Dee....for you...

     "If you think my arms are full...you should see my heart"....

For some reason....I thought the baby wasn't due til months later....just so happy that he is healthy and a beautiful boy ...his eyes are so bright !!

     I know that kind of 'tired' feeling....blessed and happy but 'worn out'....little Baby Doll will still be the Queen Bee...they will be a 'mutual admiration society'.....

    You have had to hit the pavement with both feet and running....we know you are up to it...

 

 

 

 

Thanks Kate.....thought you would also like to know that the name 'Kate' is a favorite in our family....

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Congrats to Grandma Dee and the fam!

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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Congratulations Dee! He is just beautiful! What a happy day all around.

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Congrats Dee!  He's beautiful!

 

 

Pulled my first radishes out of the garden last night!  Can't wait to have some on my salad today!  In all honesty, I wasn't expecting to have any fresh stuff out of the garden until into September, but I'm really happy that I'm already getting a few things.  :)

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Mermaid Tears

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Katie....when I read about your radishes....this came to mind....

   I think when a parent loses a child...there is so much emotional chaos that goes on inside that we seek out something simple ....for we realize the small things were really the big things....and we don't take anything for granted anymore...

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Angel Boy of Mine

Susan & Dee, sweetest grandies! Too cute,  congrats.

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Hello Indigo's

 

Congratulations Dee , Jon, Jon’s wife and little Erica. Best Wishes.

 

Carol, such a very stressful time for you in the midst of a fun and pleasant time with your granddaughters. I was happy to see that you were able to enjoy your time with the girls and keep them somewhat insulated from the troubles of Davis. I know how you worry and wish to fix . I really hope that a course or change of course is in the cards for Davis.

 

I have been able to read along and found the dreams interesting. I would like to share a dream I had last week . In my dream I was outside speaking to someone. I don't recall who it was that was standing beside me. I could see Rich off to my right and he was working around a car. He was in his younger years. Early teens. He was working or standing around a convertible. I turned and walked towards him and said , “ Rich?. What are you doing?” He had filled the convertible up with water from a hose. He looked up at me and said , “ They do this on TV”. I didn't think much of the convertible full of water, as if it was a natural occurrence, I turned to the person beside me and asked, “ do you think the car will be ok”.

I've had other dreams. Some where he just pops into view to say hello. Some, in the earlier years of this grief journey, waking with a start and frightened.

 

Yesterday. Well yesterday I felt good. I thought to myself and reminded myself that it was ok to feel good. I enjoyed lunch with a friend, completed some work . Was busy all day. It was past evening and all of a sudden the voice inside my head said “ Rich is dead”. It was like a vice to my heart. I could truly feel the ache. I sank down into a chair for a spell and went to bed. I have to wonder if I am in a state of denial most of the time. Or is this a form of guilt for feeling “ good”. What do you all think?

 

Susan, thank you for sharing. There can be so many messages in dreams. I think the hard part, sometimes, is deciphering the meaning of some.

 

Sherry, Beautiful ! I felt that Rich was around more shortly after his death. IN time frame I mean months after his death. And then I knew he wasn't around as much. I had a sense that he was off doing other things. As with Dave, perhaps he is off doing other things as you know he is OK.

 

Shannon, as you may well know there are many colleges and university’s offering classes online at no cost. No credits either, but with me, the thought process required in class allows me to be a little more relaxed. Gives me something to occupy my mind. My latest class of interest is offered by ye University of London. While enrolled I can tell people I have studied abroad. NO NO I'm joking. Best of luck when you do return to school.

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I also wanted to thank you for remembering my nephew Patrick. I don't think many people make it to the cemetery anymore. When I go I make the rounds. Patrick, my dad and uncle in one area. My paternal  grandparents and great-grandparents in another area. Maternal grandparents not very far away. . I even go to visit the ex in-laws. I suppose I would I do this to remember, pay respect and hope that when the time comes, someone will wisk away the grass clippings from my site. I've been giving that I great deal of thought lately. I would like to spare Sarah .

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Came on to give you all thanks for your support; some have pm'd me, the rest of you have posted your love and support here, and I am so grateful for your good thoughts and prayers.  The comfort that is wrapped about me from this is priceless and immeasurable, especially coming from all of you, who are all grieving and dealing with life's daily challenges as well.  You are all so very special to me.

 

DEE:  How very, very wonderful, and what an angel, adorable, adorable boy, this new life, this new Michael in the world.  Named after his granddaddy, I am assuming?  Your Jon is a heart's treasure for you, and his beautiful bride, Shannon, as well, now there are two of these wonderful little grandies to fill your heart up even more.  Thank you for sharing and giving us part of your joy to treasure, as well. 

 

BETSY:  So nice to see your post and that smiling face and flaming red hair of your angel, Rich.  As I read of your visits to the cemetery, I recall how my husband used to love to drive on over to the "old" part of the cemetery where young Mike's memorial is, and drive by the older sites, musing aloud on their lives and times in history.  Many of these, I am sure, no longer have family here...many of the dates begin in the early to mid 1800's, and some even earlier.  When he was visiting his birthplace in October of 2011, he went to visit the site where his mom and dad are buried, and went around and visited each family member's site, recalling events for those he knew, and wondering aloud about the rest.  It is kind of you to visit and walk among these memorials. 

 

Today was interesting...had to do a follow-up visit for a fall I'd had outside a few weeks ago where I severely bruised my hip and arm.  Am doing much better, and bruises, while lingering, are no longer bothersome and tender.  However, I had stumbled in the middle of the night earlier this week, and twisted my foot badly, with increasing pain and swelling all this week, each day of walking becoming more challenging.  Come to discover, I had broken my foot!  I actually walked all over the store yesterday, with daughter Cathi and her youngest, doing last minute school clothes shopping.  Painful and very difficult, but I just kept plugging along with the aid of a cane and frequent stops.  No more of that, for a while.  Booted and off my feet now, can't drive of course.  Young Mike's middle boy Kameron, who has been in VA visiting his other grandmother, is returning early, arriving this Saturday, to stay with me and help out.  I am grateful for his presence and I know he will be a big help; he is a good kid, with a big heart.  Daughter Kim, on hearing of my broken foot, says perhaps this is a direct order for me to slow down and do that "self-care" I am always talking to her about!  Ha, likely true! :unsure:

 

My thoughts are with each of you tonight, and holding you close in my heart. 

 

here are some of the pictures of my granddaughters and I on their visit, along with a shot of Damon, at the airport, doing his best "Spidey web throw shot"...sweet memories...

 

 

 

 

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Hi All and thanks for your good wishes for our newest addition to the family. He is indeed named for Jon and Erica's dad, Michael, who must be grinning from above to see this lovely little boy. Steven is his other Grandpa's name so he is a Baby named in great love and honor. Everyone is well but tired. Little one is wondering how this little guy got here in the first place and without formal language, is expressing herself with some upset, we get it though. I will go there after school today to take her out for some fun and then husband and I will have dinner with them all and give baths and help in whatever ways we can.

 

Carol, the prayers continue for Davis, I am so sorry that he is so entwined with addiction. Always know that we have long applauded your efforts to helping Davis in the ways that you have. His illness is not the fault of anyone and while I know you know this, I also know that we doubt ourselves in our sadness or disappointment or worry. I am glad that you had time with your grandgirls. They looked to be having a wonderful time with you. Take care of that broken foot, your high threshold for pain kept you going and going. Now it is time to rest.

 

More this weekend, just too busy during the week to talk much. Miss you all.

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Laurie--I want to read one of her books.  After having a son die, who was in hospice care and then one who died so suddenly and unexpectedly I think there is a whole different physical reaction to grief.  I'm still wearing my "shock suit" and it will be 5 months next week.  Don't think I needed a "shock suit" the first time around.  First time, I lost about 15-20 pounds, which is very typical for me when I'm under extreme stress.  This time I've gained about 30--most I've ever weighed in my life.  

 

DEE--CONGRATS on the grandbaby!  I grieve that I will never have one, but am so thankful others who have lost their children are able to have them.  One of Ethan's best friends (our families are friends, but more like cousins, since we live in the same hood) told me that when she had a baby, I could be the "Oma".  Her mom died in December, so I am now ready to get that girl married off and pregnant! LOL!

 

Not sure if I posted that I made an appointment to go see a medium.  As it turns out, it will be on the actual 5 month anniversary of Ethan's death AND I got the last seat.   (They are only allowing 30 people).  She doesn't ask for credit cards or last names, so they can't look you up on the internet.  It is $50 and one of my best friends lives near there, so she might go with me, but is having issues with her mom who has dementia.  But if she can't, she is still close enough that IF I get overwhelmed, I have a place to go.  I will let you know how it goes.

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Mermaid Tears

Betsy.....I have shared my 'visitation' dream from John David....and I can truly say that when you have one of those...you will KNOW the difference....and more....you will feel it....and it stays with me...I carry it...just like I carried John David when I was pregnant with him....as I carried him when he was 'little'....the 'visitation dream' was for real..and I consider it a gift...

   the other dreams are what I call my 'snapshot' dreams of him....he is there...and all is normal and natural...and when I wake...I feel as if I had a tiny little visit with my boy.....and in each dream...he is younger than when he passed...he was 42...

  but John David was a carefree spirit...good natured...happy....energetic...charismatic....I don't think he had an enemy...and he had this way about him that all his friends...thought they were 'his best friend'...he was a 'renaissance boy'....he was never bored....there was always another adventure around the corner....and he was always ready to go....his buddies love to talk about the 'trips' they made....he loved to see different places....he loved to wander...he was sentimental, too....I never knew how much til I went through his 'stuff' after he passed...

   his love to wander and roam....probably is why he did not marry....later....I will relate our conversation together on 'Why aren't you married by now'.....(of course I thought it was my fault for all the battles I had with his Dad..my 'ex' over him)

 

typical parent.....if something goes wrong....we take the blame....

   if something goes great....we take the credit...

 

I have had some real bad days....and I have had some really great days....and it is a natural knee jerk reaction when the good times are with us.....that movie that plays in the back of our head....will re-play.....our boy is gone....and we do get kicked in the gut...the head....but...I do believe that is going to be my normal life from now on....for all the parents that have lost a child.....

   Lora just said it in her post....she knows Cara would want her to move forward...

 And...I see it as when I pass....I want my children and GRANDchildren to move forward and enjoy all that life has to offer...I know they will miss me and be sad.....but I also want them to know I tried so hard...to teach them to LIVE.....not wallow in grief or mourning....

   And John David wants that for me...and his family....John David had a strong 'Success Drive'.....and he wouldn't want any of his family to go to bed and give up....and I know that Rich wants you to live as high and happy as you can....

   the catch to all of this is........how a parent can learn to live with the grief....and learn to honor our child....

I am still in Pre-school on all this.....but I know that is how we will learn to survive this grief journey...

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Lora....so good to hear from you....I have 'missed you' ....but we all know you are busy....and we all know there is always that 'one' in the family that has been secretly voted the 'caretaker' in the family....and you are chosen.

     Yes....your pretty Cara would want you to carry on....and you are shining through...even though we are all 'limping along with the shining'....we are moving forward...

grief is so exhausting.....that has been the one amazing lessons I have learned on the grief journey....it has slowed me down...maybe that is why the simple things seem so important now....I have slowed down to notice them....my 'cocooning' is still a part of me....not as severe as the first year....but....I need my alone time...and still not doing much 'going out and about' like I was before.....who knows...maybe this is the way I have had to change to make room for the loss...as Dee has said....maybe this is the way I have learned to survive...by changing....

and I am still evolving..I am a 'work of a grief stricken parent in progress'...

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Kalik.....as for me.....I am glad you are going to that medium....sounds as if you were meant to go....and we will all look forward to how it turned out for you...

    I will go to a medium one day....

 

I think for your situation....and the grief journey you are on....and since you have already been traveling the grief journey...I consider this is a different path you have had to take on it....

   and the path is different....and...once again....you don't get a map or compass to know help you find your way....it is still a foreign land...

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Dee, congratulations on the new grandbaby, Michael...what a sweet gift from above....Happy wishes to your son Jon and his wife, Shannon as well...he looked like he was wondering, "How did I get here?" in the pic...very cute...

 

Carol, sending continued prayers for your grandson, Davis. Thank you for continuing to be here and sharing your thoughts...I understand your cemetery walk...I do the same...wonder about who the people are that the monuments give testament to...their lives, hopes, and dreams...also prayers for healing of your injuried ankle..

 

Shannon, thinking of you today as well...I am glad that your  husband is found, I hope things can settle down for you a bit. Is your Gramma still there or do you have other help?

 

Lora, I just thought of you and Cara yesterday...when I went to a resale kid's store to pick up some items, and I saw a scrap of paper taped to an item that had been sold, the paper had a printed piece of bacon and in very bold lettering, "I LOVE BACON".  I immediately thought of your Cara and her bright smile...

 

Betsy, thanks for sharing that dream...I too feel the same with Jesse, that he was closer in the early months and like you feel about Rich, that he may now have other tasks or things to do...When you mentioned the dream about filling the convertible car with water....I thought of the RED GREEN show, and there were some crazy episodes with how to convert cars for other uses...wishing you well on the class from London, that does sound very interesting...

 

Kali, prayers for a healing time with the medium...the lady I wrote about had been on NDE radio, here is a link to that broadcast, http://www.talkzone.com/episodes/199/NDE042814.html... at the end of the show the host asked her how others could find her material...Franne said she mostly writes pamphlets...she said if someone wanted them, to email her...here is her website and her email is at the top of it...http://www.deatheducationconsulting.com/about.html

 

Kate, did you say that Ross had his appointment rescheduled? I hope he can still get in soon. I am glad to hear that your son's memorial site got redone so quickly...I have thought of adding some new perennials myself...

 

Becky, thanks for sharing the link for the ducklings...I wonder when it will be time for them to migrate in your area....

 

Susan, thanks for telling us about the dreams of your John David...and for posting the sayings on grief...sometimes just a little saying like makes me think of things in a different light...

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful day...s

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Laurie...how is Christina and Thomas doing ? Is Christina still going to the therapist ? On this grief journey I have learned that everyone has their own unique way of grieving....

   like a bike wheel....all the spokes point in a different direction....but...at the center is all the same love...

 

Dee...am glad you are such a 'walker'....for you will have to put some 'running shoes' on to keep up with those GRANDbabies when they get older....I remember when the twin GRANDsons were born....geez...I had never had twins...and after two days of helping...I was a zombie...then a friend who is a pediatric nurse told me to wake them up at the same time and feed them at the same time....it all got better....then when Randa had her twins....I knew what to do....

 

Carol....I got violently sick on the eve of John David's 2nd Angelversary....and so...was reminded....to 'self care'....

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Dee-----Congratulations on your new little grandbaby,...Michael. !! Thanks for posting the pic.

He has the face of an angel.....a tiny angel boy.

 

Lora----I'm like you......can't seem to keep up on BI ....(must be getting old :huh: ).  You must

be so proud of Jared in his education and his hopes of starting a drug preventions program

for young people.  With the drug  abuse problem so widespread and pervasive,  there is such

an urgent need for these programs.  Wishing Jared success.

 

 

Carol----

So nice that your granddaughters came for a visit.  Sorry to hear of  the self-destructive

way that Davis has been in.  I agree with the others, that tough love is tough to stick to, but so

very necessary.  Thanks for the nice family pics.  I know it must be so very difficult to hold everything

together under the circumstances...I'm sorry.  Sending up prayers.

 

 

Susan-----

Thank you for your kind words. Your dreams of John David are so comforting, and they

give reassurance that he's doing ok.  Thank you for the sweet pic of your cousin's little granddaughters,

Millie & Kate....such a precious & special picture........one to keep forever.  I guess we know we're busy

here on earth, and maybe forget that our angels could be also busy in heaven.

 

Betsy-----I agree....dreams and signs from our angels seem to come more in the early times, but since

they have reassured us that they are ok....we can be ok with the dreams however far apart they come to us.

Thanks for the kind words.  Peace  to you.

 

 

WISHING    PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO ALL INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello my friends,

Scott and I are enjoying the Wisconsin capital city, Madison.

I carry you and your angels with me everywhere.

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I can't remember who posted this....a long time ago....when I was 'so new' here....

 

"I am not leaving you behind....I am taking you with me"

 

 

that has stayed with me.....

 

 

a gift of Grace...

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Susan, I was the one that mentioned it. It is the only way that I could possibly have managed to get through until now. And I do believe it firmly. I carry him with me in my heart and hold him very close.

 

Colleen, I loved the few times that I visited Madison. They had a great  seafood restaurant on the northeast corner of the square situated in an old house. The food was terrific. Not sure if it is still there.

 

We are enjoying the last of our summer long weekends. Today is sunny and pleasant. We are just getting ready to go to the  Farmers Market and browse for a bit. Wishing everyone a peaceful day. Kate :) 

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Mermaid Tears

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Am posting and sending this out.....this goes along with my 'view' ....for I know I am changing...

no....I was not an arrogant...mean...little...selfish...hater....

I was not a critical...small....self serving....control freak....

 

but grief can put one on a slippery slope...

and you can either become...'better'

or 'bitter'....

 

I knew early on I did not want to become 'bitter'...

but the door was pushed open and I could understand how some can become bitter...

I could understand how the question...'WHY my child'....or 'WHY me' could lead you down a path for that question will never be answered while we are in the Earth Home...

and don't think for a minute that I do not invite myself into my own 'Pity Party'....when I am at that party...the friends called 'Guilt' and 'Regret' and 'Remorse' entertain me....I dance with them to the tune of 'If Only'.....sometimes I stay at the Party for hours....and then ...my 'Heart' comes to the door and takes me 'Home'....

 

In my 'Heart' and in my 'Home'....I know that there was nothing in my human reach...my Mother's Love for him...had any control......

So....I have to talk myself off that ledge....and let Common Sense and Grace take my hand...and lead me 'Home'....

   and...I have all of you....on this site....to help me regain balance and learn to survive with some kind of dignity and hope.

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I will read and catch up but for now sending a photo of Baby Man Michael with me and hubby.

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....once again....just as in 'The Greatest Story Ever Told'.....

we are humbled in the presence of a tiny baby....

we go down on our knees in a spirit filled gratitude...

and we know there are still miracles galore on this earth home...

 

I see smiles all around...thanks for sharing....

on this site....we do so need to see again....the beginning of a new life..a new story...for our Earth home...

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Dee, he is absolutely adorable. I can see the happiness all around! We look forward to hearing how things are going. How was Eri today with her new little brother? I'm sure she feels he is a temporary visitor and things will return to normal again shortly. Thanks for sharing.

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I am on call tonight..so to speak. My best friend in the city contacted me this morning that her MIL is in the process of dying. She is not comfortable with elderly and dying people. Her husband ....son of lady dying... has gone to South Bend ,Indiana to watch a football game that a family member is playing in. Against the "Fighting Irish"...Notre Dame. He plays with The Rice Owls?...maybe got it wrong. My hubby has told me that they were blown away... the score was ridiculous. Thirty one points is a big spread. She is really afraid of death...asked me to be here for her.

 

DEATH...it scares the heck out of us.  Not just the uncertainty of the afterlife, but the process of dying. It is not an easy process... as we all know. This brings me to the idea of what can honestly be done to educate people about the process of dying and why we should not be afraid? Apart from pain control issues. And face it...we need more of that!  Big Time! We evolve like a butterfly. And we all have an appointed time that we must leave. None of us know that time or why those that we love are called at that time. We only know that we are left here to carry on. And so we do. As best as we can.  Each individual journey is unique and special for us. We touch others in our own way. And we hope by doing so we have left our own individual mark that we were here and mattered. 

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Dee, he looks adorable...Jon and his wife must have their hands full with little Eri too...Benton is around Erica's age and  he has a huge energy level...even higher than Thomas's...we spent most of the day at the park trying to wear him out...

 

Colleen, hope you are having a good time at Madison...it has many good book stores and unique shops near the square...

 

Sailormom, good to see your post...

 

Susan, thanks for asking about Christina and Thomas...they are doing good with everything...Christina goes up to her brother's grave where Thomas has a hard time going there...

 

I think we all fall into those very "black moments" -- part of the mourning process...it takes all the energy I have to make it to the end of the day sometimes. Somedays I go back to bed and sleep for awhile...

 

Kate, it is hard facing death. I found out from my sister that her fiance has been reading some of the books that I sent down since the passing of his parents six months apart...one of the books is Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan...I would recommend that to your friend who called...it is easier to read than most...

 

http://www.maggiecallanan.com/finalgifts.htm

 

I will be listening to the online webinar presented by IANDS tomorrow by Mary Neal MD...her presentation is going to be part parental grief since she lost her son, Willie....I found out I will be able to forward a question to her through the chat feature....hopefully she will have time for a question and answer session after her talk...

 

Thinking of you all this evening...wishing everyone a peaceful night...

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