Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest]

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[katibug98]

Thank you Lora.  I'm exhausted most days.  I'm just trying to get my brain back.

 

 

My sweet girl.  This was Easter Sunday.

 

ETA:  I called the mortuary today to see if they'd heard anything about her headstone and they had not.  So she called them and they'll hopefully have a proof by Friday.  And, she's looking into who to contact about the autopsy.  I hate being a pest.

[shorty16]

Katibug

I agree. The autopsy was finished already. We got ours within a week. I read it. Cold.

If your child died in a hospital, they may be a source.

The police were involved with our case. Brian's body was considered "evidence". The autopsy was performed the next day.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Katibug

Wow, do you sound like me in the beginning..."If I would have started Brian 1 year later in school, he never would have died car-surfing." The previous statement is only 1 of many I said to myself.

I tried every way I could to find a reason for Brian's actions...why would my Brian climb on the hood of a car...and stay there while it is moving......fast.

After many years, I finally decided that I will never accept HOW my son died, just that he is in heaven.

That's how it worked for me. I hope even a little of this helps.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Kalikama]

Our son's autopsy was performed the next day and we shipped his body home the next day, after that. It took about 6 weeks to get all the blood work results back.  They DID give a preliminary finding, but wouldn't sign the death cert. until all the tests were done.  Depending on what state you live in, you can try the Medical Examiners office or the Coroner.  Ethan died in Kentucky and we live in Michigan, so we had to first talk to the Coroner's office.  All they would send us was the summary of the autopsy, which I read multiple times.  If I wanted any pictures, etc. , I would have to ask for them or file FOIA.  I didn't want those, so the summary was just fine for me.  But remember, this is my SECOND dead child, but the first where we had questions, since we knew how our oldest died and he didn't need an autopsy.  Plus, I do a lot of substitute teaching for Forensic Science classes in our high schools, so this was not foreign to me.  I don't think people who haven't been through it or are familiar with all that an autopsy entails would do well reading the report.

[Kalikama]

Man--the "if onlys"...  I still have them (it hasn't even been 4 months), but I am not sure I will ever stop second guessing myself and my decisions that affected his life.  Didn't have that with first son, but his was a birth defect and we had 16 years to process that.  Not sure if one of my "if onlys" would've changed this or not.  Am positive that many of my son's would have.  Hope I can get past this eventually.  

[Sailormom]

Kalikama,

 

I have what if's too, what if I hadn't of left him on Friday, what if I hadn't called him out on some things, what if I hadn't of got mad at him...  What if I had went to check on him on Saturday instead of Sunday, would it have made a difference. 

We can drive ourself's crazy with what if's..  They made their choices with no concern for us. 

Brian and I had several conversations over the past 2 years and he made it clear that he didn't care one way or the other if he lived or died, that what happens would happen.

 

I miss him terribly...  I have spent the past 2 weeks scanning all the photo's of him and all the good times we have had over the years.  It has brought some peace to remember the good times.

 

[Sailormom]

Kalikama,

 

I have what if's too, what if I hadn't of left him on Friday, what if I hadn't called him out on some things, what if I hadn't of got mad at him...  What if I had went to check on him on Saturday instead of Sunday, would it have made a difference. 

We can drive ourself's crazy with what if's..  They made their choices with no concern for us. 

Brian and I had several conversations over the past 2 years and he made it clear that he didn't care one way or the other if he lived or died, that what happens would happen.

 

I miss him terribly...  I have spent the past 2 weeks scanning all the photo's of him and all the good times we have had over the years.  It has brought some peace to remember the good times.

 

[karenthiemermann]

Hello all.

 

I haven't posted in several days;just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I know there was an angelversary and a birthday over the weekend and I thought about yall--wanted you to know that. Michael was here Saturday and Sunday. We had a great visit; several heart-to-heart talks; some crying; and he went to church with me on Sunday. Michael is dealing with so much right now. He lost his twin sister--his best friend. He's also been dealing with drug addiction. He was in rehab last year, and as soon as he got out, his girlfriend of 6 years, left him. She took everything including the dog. He was devastated over that and relapsed. A couple of days before Michelle passed, he moved back to San Antonio with an old friend to try and get away from the bad influences here in Austin. Then, he lost his sister. I've been so scared for him; worried that this might send him over the edge. We talked about getting into therapy and he made a call to The Musician's Mental Health Foundation here in Austin and told them what was going on. On Monday they called with a treatment plan but I haven't heard from him. 

 

My mind is on overload. I feel like I'm in shock again; or still. I've lost about 25 lbs since July 9. Sleep is still a rarity. I'm just overwhelmed. To make matters even worse, I'm having "visions" of losing Michael.

 

I spend a lot of time praying and crying. 

 

I had an MRI this morning. My Dr. wants to compare it to last years images to see if there are any changes. Thursday is my last epidural injection. Somehow, I've managed to keep up with my exercises; that's something I must do if I want to continue to walk. I must be running on pure adrenalin.

 

Forgive me for not posting in so long; I think I need to make an extra effort to post here for my own sanity.

 

Take care, everyone. I hope you all have pleasant dreams tonight.

 

PEACE and LOVE,

 

Karen

 

 

[karenthiemermann]

Hello all.             ( duplicate posts)

 

I haven't posted in several days;just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I know there was an angelversary and a birthday over the weekend and I thought about yall--wanted you to know that. Michael was here Saturday and Sunday. We had a great visit; several heart-to-heart talks; some crying; and he went to church with me on Sunday. Michael is dealing with so much right now. He lost his twin sister--his best friend. He's also been dealing with drug addiction. He was in rehab last year, and as soon as he got out, his girlfriend of 6 years, left him. She took everything including the dog. He was devastated over that and relapsed. A couple of days before Michelle passed, he moved back to San Antonio with an old friend to try and get away from the bad influences here in Austin. Then, he lost his sister. I've been so scared for him; worried that this might send him over the edge. We talked about getting into therapy and he made a call to The Musician's Mental Health Foundation here in Austin and told them what was going on. On Monday they called with a treatment plan but I haven't heard from him. 

 

My mind is on overload. I feel like I'm in shock again; or still. I've lost about 25 lbs since July 9. Sleep is still a rarity. I'm just overwhelmed. To make matters even worse, I'm having "visions" of losing Michael.

 

I spend a lot of time praying and crying. 

 

I had an MRI this morning. My Dr. wants to compare it to last years images to see if there are any changes. Thursday is my last epidural injection. Somehow, I've managed to keep up with my exercises; that's something I must do if I want to continue to walk. I must be running on pure adrenalin.

 

Forgive me for not posting in so long; I think I need to make an extra effort to post here for my own sanity.

 

Take care, everyone. I hope you all have pleasant dreams tonight.

 

PEACE and LOVE,

 

Karen

[ericasmom]

Karen, I hope that Michael can hang on and go through therapy so that he can find his strengths again. Poor Sweetie. Do you think he would move in with you to have family around him? And as his Mom, I am sure of your worry for him. I hate hearing that you've lost 25 lbs. in such a short time. Are you able to eat at all? Small meals several times per day so that you do take in the proteins you need to keep going. As you worry about Michael, you need to make sure of your own strength as well. Never feel that you have to write or keep up here, just know that your feeling better when you do is what counts right now.

The shock is not gone yet Karen, but it changes as you shed a bit here and there.

 

Kalik and Sailorsmom, we all have the what-if syndrome the first year especially. It is part of our trying to find out a way we could have made it different...part of the guilt of a Mom or Dad when we lose our Beloved Child. The what-ifs could drive you crazy but they are a part of this crazy process, just know that you can't beat yourself up over those. The facts remain, we could not provide the what-if save. For me way back in 2003, I kept wondering, " what if I kept ERi on the phone just two minutes longer, just two minutes! That old train would have come and gone and she would not yet be there at the broken crossing.

Eventually you will let those what-if times go for the most part, and move on to the other phases of this grief road. We are with you.

[Sailormom]

Karen,

 

If you need to talk you can inbox me,  I have been down that road and that is how I ended up here.  Loosing the g/f is tuff in their situation. 

There is a forum called Opiate Detox Recovery that may help you see things thru his eyes.  I wish I would have found it sooner than I did,  but it has helped me understand where his head was.  It is mainly addicts wanting to get clean and recovering/recovered addicts trying to stay clean telling their stories.  Depending upon his drug of choice a long term rehab is best, I thought going to outpatient was doable for our situation and it wasn't.  If I had to do over I would convence him for a long term rehab.  With opiates it is just about the best recovery option.

 

 

 

[Sailormom]

du.plicate

[daveydow1]

Hi all Indigos......Thought I had better post before I get too busy today. 

 

Kalik----For myself.....I did not get an autopsy report for either Lisa...who died

many years ago,....or for David. Somehow I didn't want those. We did get the

death certificates, of course, so that was all I needed.  I know that autopsies

would definitely have been especially difficult for my husband too. Of course, I

feel that each parent should do whatever their heart tells them is the best thing

in getting the reports.  When my son, David, was MedEvaced to the level 1

trauma center, we somehow received...in the mail...a full report of the life-saving

efforts of the flight medical team, and after reading it....I was just so sick and

overwhelmed.  My husband has not seen the report, and I know that he has

said that he never wants to see it.  Each must do what they think is best.

 

Sailormom----As others here at BI have said.....the 'what-ifs'  will come upon

us...especially in the early times after losing a beloved child.  It's just another

unfortunate part of this road.  Please just keep coming here where everyone

can understand all your painful roller coaster hills & twists that go with this journey.

 

Colleen----Thanks for your post.  I, too,  have gotten to the point where I just

accept that David & Lisa are in heaven, and have stopped...for the most part....

trying to work through the 'what-ifs'.   Peace to you, my Wisconsin friend.

P.S.  Our wrens are now gone....could they have migrated....already ??

 

Lora-----It's nice that you & Jared were able to have some very good talks

when you visited him in Chicago.  It's good that after this time since Cara

passed, that he is now able to express his feelings a bit better.  It is so very

difficult for siblings.

 

Katibug-----I'm sorry that you have so much to deal with right now.....on top

of your devastating grief of your loss of sweet little Cora.   You will get to

know many here at BI as you come to the site and read/post. It's a gradual

process,... hopefully with some measure of comfort along the way.  I remember

when I first came to BI years ago.....I felt I wouldn't be able to 'fit in' because

I didn't know any of the people on the site.  But.....as time went by, little by

little, they became more familiar after reading their posts, and learning about

their dear deceased children. Many parents have come & gone on this site

over the years I've been on here, but I still remember many of them, and pray

that they are doing alright. They helped me so much.    In these very early and

incredibly painful days of your grief......just be sure to take care of yourself

as best you can, and come back to BI...it's a good place, and a lifeline for

so many. 

 

Dee-----We have canaries visiting the volunteer sunflowers growing by the

back patio.  They are picking out the seeds  .  Very pretty.  As for flowers...

we have the cornmeal yarrow,   hollyhocks,  and some daylilies.  My husband

planted the daylilies around the wishing well and shed, and it has taken them about 2 yrs.

to finally bloom well. The vegetable garden is winding down now....just tomatoes

and potatoes left.  My husband also planted more lettuce for a 2nd crop, and

some spinach.

 

PEACE   AND    COMFORT    TO  ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

 

 

   

[katibug98]

Just really quick as I head out the door for my doctor's appointment *please let this woman LISTEN*...

 

Today is Cora's 3 month angelversary and I got her revised proof for her headstone.

 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Kati, that tribute to your sweetie is lovely!

 

I am thinking of all of you as you go about your daily lives. Health issues that you are suffering from as well as family members. Try to stay strong and keep faith. 

[Jeff's Mom]

Kati, that tribute to your sweetie is lovely!

 

I am thinking of all of you as you go about your daily lives. Health issues that you are suffering as well as your family members. Try to stay strong and keep faith. 

 

I have decided to delete this other part of the post. I am not sure what happened exactly. I do not want to upset anyone. I must say that there are some really strange things that happen out there. It sure had us scratching our heads.

[shorty16]

Sherry, your baby wrens have fledged and are now spreading their wings and driving their parents crazy.

I feed the birds Black Oil Sunflower seeds, and that attracts other animals such a squires, bunnies and chipmunks. We let our cats out on leashes and the squirrel and chipmunk scold our kitties and tease them. The birds know how long the leashes are and stay just out of reach...quite funny actually

I saw a hummingbird this morning.

Thanks for liking nature

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[shorty16]

Kate

Your story is pretty amazing.

I read your story to my husband and we are both without words.

Just shows us how little we know about the power of our minds.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Colleen, not sure what the heck happened. I probably should not have posted this. It will only give some a reason to feel fearful. It was pretty amazing.

[Jeff's Mom]

Thanks Colleen, not sure what the heck happened. I probably should not have posted this. It will only give some a reason to feel fearful. It was pretty amazing.

[Guest]

....

[lovU2themoon]

I have missed so much, lots to catch up, these 22 days from Lane birthday to Sat (Aug 9), are sooo crappy.

I try very had not to do "Last year at this time i was...." trying to stay in today and get thru.

Really, nothing can ever be worse than Aug 9 2013, or Aug 10 2013.

I have survived one year, when i didn't think i would survive one day,

yet i am not the same, the person i see in the pictures, died with Lane. 

I am completely and forever changed.

 

Wishing you all peace.

Wanda

[Sarai's Mom: Jody]

I am new to this forum. I am currently in grief counseling and grief group. I lost my daughter in March and am still in shock and disbelief. I go through my days in a haze and wonder if the pain and grief I feel will ever subside. My daughter was my best friend and an incredible young women. The tragic loss of her has left everyone with a huge void. My heart aches everyday and it's hard for me to imagine ever truly being happy again. I get up everyday for my other children but I feel dead most days. Will I ever feel okay?

Any words or advise?

Jody

[katibug98]

Jody~I'm right there with you and I think it's completely normal.  Even my doctor said so today.  And she said that we need to grieve in 'community'...that if we need to tell our child's story 29 times or 100 times...it's what helps us make it through each day.  My daughter passed in May.  Today is her 3 month angelversary.  She was only 4.  {{hugs}}  I manage to get up every day for my older two daughters.  It's certainly not easy.  And I'm exhausted most of the time.

 

Wanda~I think that's part of the process too.  How do we make it through each day?  Let alone...a month...a year.

 

Lora~Thank you.  It is fitting for Cora. 

 

Sherry~I shared the "I need to take care of my health" thing with my doctor today.  It's the first time in a long time that I had a doctor that actually listened.  And to think the nurse was getting frustrated that she was taking so long with her patients.  I just planted some radishes, spinach and lettuce in addition to my summer squash, tomatoes, peppers, and basil. I'd love to have a lot more, but early in the summer we had water restrictions. That puts a damper on my gardening fun.

[ericasmom]

Jody, I will just send hope your way and a promise that you will not always feel as lonely and despairing as you do today, but it will take a lot more time to get there, so be as patient as you can, it is a long process.

I lost my Girl Erica, 11 years ago. She was 19 when she died. Nothing easy and nothing makes sense for a long while, eventually you will stand up and find your footsteps and live your life stronger each day. No, you don't feel stronger, but you will be. We are all here to stand as testament that you will feel better one day.

 

Wanda I know that the time between birthday and the day of Lane's death are hard adn difficult. He knows it too and so is standing very close to you.

 

Katie, I think that the photo you posted of Cora the other day is so pretty. she is so pretty. I am glad that your doctor appt. went well.

[karenthiemermann]

Dee: I made up my mind, which is very hard to do these days, to eat 3 small meals a day; small bites of protein, especially, to keep up my strength. Michael would never move in with us. I guess it's his pride. If I had my way, I would live in a great big house where all my kids and their families could live.

 

Sailormom: I agree that a long term rehab would best fit Michael's needs. Heroin was his drug of choice. I hate admitting that because it's such a scary thing. He was supposed to set up a treatment plan on Monday, and be here in Austin yesterday for a video shoot with his band; but he never called and does not respond to me. This only makes things worse for me as his mom. The "not knowing".

 

2 more days till Michelle's 1  month angelversary. I'm thinking about sharing her story then. There's much to be told and I want everyone to "know" her.

 

This journey is such a roller coaster of a ride; up and down and back and forth. I'm trying to reach my son-in-law, Chris, to find out about the necklaces he ordered for us with Michelle's ashes in them. He was also supposed to send me some of her things. But he doesn't respond to me at all. I have nothing of my daughter's at all. He has everything.

 

I'm meeting with a counselor at church on Sunday. I'm not usually good in 1-on-1 meetings, but I think I might gain some insight.

 

I joined a group called The Addict's Mom. I haven't been very active yet but hope to very soon.

 

At 10am I'll be getting the last epidural injection. If it doesn't work, accupuncture is my next step.

 

Thank you everyone for caring so much. Things would be so much more difficult if it weren't for all of you sharing your stories. I'm forever grateful.

 

Much PEACE and LOVE!!

 

Karen

 

 

[karenthiemermann]

Dee: I made up my mind, which is very hard to do these days, to eat 3 small meals a day; small bites of protein, especially, to keep up my strength. Michael would never move in with us. I guess it's his pride. If I had my way, I would live in a great big house where all my kids and their families could live.

 

Sailormom: I agree that a long term rehab would best fit Michael's needs. Heroin was his drug of choice. I hate admitting that because it's such a scary thing. He was supposed to set up a treatment plan on Monday, and be here in Austin yesterday for a video shoot with his band; but he never called and does not respond to me. This only makes things worse for me as his mom. The "not knowing".

 

2 more days till Michelle's 1  month angelversary. I'm thinking about sharing her story then. There's much to be told and I want everyone to "know" her.

 

This journey is such a roller coaster of a ride; up and down and back and forth. I'm trying to reach my son-in-law, Chris, to find out about the necklaces he ordered for us with Michelle's ashes in them. He was also supposed to send me some of her things. But he doesn't respond to me at all. I have nothing of my daughter's at all. He has everything.

 

I'm meeting with a counselor at church on Sunday. I'm not usually good in 1-on-1 meetings, but I think I might gain some insight.

 

I joined a group called The Addict's Mom. I haven't been very active yet but hope to very soon.

 

At 10am I'll be getting the last epidural injection. If it doesn't work, accupuncture is my next step.

 

Thank you everyone for caring so much. Things would be so much more difficult if it weren't for all of you sharing your stories. I'm forever grateful.

 

Much PEACE and LOVE!!

 

Karen

 

ps--duplicate posting

[hoosiermom]

Hello friends

 

I have been busy lately getting my daughter ready for college.  I seem to go from feeling sad/teary to feeling so proud of her and excited about her future.  This mix of happy/sad is such a strange place to be in. 

 

I struggle every day to keep the fear away.  Deep down I would love to keep her close to me and continue being her protector but that's not fair to her.  She has a life to live, a destiny to fulfill.  I suppose I am just like any other soon-to-be empty nester, I go from being ready to let her go--to wanting to hold onto her forever. 

 

The fear though....of something happening to either of my daughters, or my granddaughter....it's always there, a big ugly monster lurking in the background threatening any happiness I have been able to find. 

 

I have been doing some research into my family tree lately and it has been very interesting.  Somehow I feel connected to all these ancestors, they become more than just a name.  I have spent a couple evenings with my 89 year old grandma (whose mind is still sharp) and she has shared some childhood memories with me and what has impressed me is that "back in the day", their problems were not much different than what we face today.  Eye color, hair color, that's all genetic as we know, but after hearing some stories of my great grandmother's struggles, I wonder if things like character and integrity are genetic as well. 

 

I think of my own hardships as a single mother raising 3 daughters, one of them being severely disabled, and I can see that all of these amazing women who came before me, with their quiet dignity and strength, have really been a guiding light for me.  It's a very comforting thought. 

 

This weekend I am going to a heavenly birthday party for Katie, my dear friend/sister T's daughter.  Katie would have been 10.  She has been an angel for a little over a year now.   Katie and Brianna did not know each other in this life, but somehow I feel that they are very good friends now.

 

Love and light to all here....I'm not so good at remembering everyone's names but I have no problem remembering your children's names, isn't that funny?

 

Jenn, Brianna's momma forever

 

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Jody,

Everything you describe is 'normal' for this stage in your grief. I'm pretty new to the grief journey. I lost my Daughter, Trista, 14 months ago. She was 17 years old. The accident that took her life happened just 20 days before her 18th birthday. I also have two Boys. What you wrote is very much how it was for me. Please keep coming, read, post, share more about your Daughter as you're ready. You've found a good place full of lots of compassion.

Kati,

Cora's memorial marker is beautiful, a sweet tribute to your precious Girl. I'm glad you felt your doctor listened to you yesterday. I garden too. I've found it to be something very therapeutic over this year.

With quite a few of us who garden, I thought I would share this article I read yesterday.

http://www.gardeningknowhow.com/garden-how-to/soil-fertilizers/antidepressant-microbes-soil.htm

Wanda,

I had exactly 20 days from Trista's Angel date to her birthday. Like your dates but in reverse. It was a very very hard time for me. I am know at 14 months and I still think,"How???" I have those same thoughts, "Who am I now?" I don't know and as Dee said the other day, it's a process. You, Lindsay, and Lane are in my thoughts. I know this time is so so hard.

More to post later. Thinking of all here today.

[Guest]

....

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Jenn,

I know when my Zak gets ready for college it will a rollercoaster of emotions. Some of my friends have gone through this stage. I would be doing it now with Tris if she were here. Everyone I know went through the ups and downs, joy mixed with fear and they don't have the same fears we do for our other children. I understand and am very fearful for Zak sometimes. Aiden too but being four years old he's still with me most of the time. Zak is 15 years old and so is starting to expand his world more and more. He is understanding though, most of the time, when I text him repeatedly when he's out. When I explain to him, he usually just says, "It's okay. We got this, Mumma." I feel it's unfair to him too but it just is right now.

I also do genealogy. I have a great great grandmother that I have always felt connected to. I have had thoughts like yours. This particular grandmother, I felt that connection to her all along. Then I found that she had also lost a Daughter, at a young age. I do think we inherit more than just DNA from our ancestors and learning about their lives has been something very good for me, to see the rich history that came to together for me and my children to be here now.

[katibug98]

Shannon~Thank you for that article.  I find a lot of comfort in gardening.  I didn't think I would.  I'm still not hot on weed whacking the yard right now *it's a chore*, but the gardening has been good.  When I go out to water, or just look at the garden, I always bend down to touch the plants and look at them closely.  I especially like touching my basil plant.     I LOVE the smell of fresh basil.

 

Dee~Thank you!  The funeral director also made mention to me that she was a beautiful little girl.  She is for sure making a beautiful angel...but still would just rather have her here.

 

Jenn~My mom loves working on genealogy.  It is fascinating.  How far back have you been able to research?  It probably is in some way, calming and fun.

 

Karen~You sure have a lot on your plate.  We had a message at church on Sunday that talked about being in storms.  We're all in our own personal storm.  I think the waves and rain come to rock my boat quite frequently and then I'm left to sit on the water...alone wondering what's next.

 

Lora~I'm sorry you didn't sleep well.  I had a streak going where my 7yo *Rae* was getting up every night and coming in my room.  It was exhausting.  I hope the day goes by quickly with both jobs and that you're able to get some good sleep tonight.

 

AFM~I have an appointment at the dentist's today to get my mouth guard.  My oldest daughter Grace, spent the night at a friend's last night.  A friend of mine who has 4 children of her own *one just younger than Rae, one two days older than my Cora, and twin girls who just turned 1* will be taking Rae and Grace so that I can go to my appointment.  I need this mouth guard before I start working again.

[ericasmom]

Last night husband and I drove to the city to meet up with one of Erica's dear friends from Kalamazoo, Michigan. Sarah has lived in Colorado now for a good 9 years or so, moved there a few years after Eri died. She and Eri were so tight that the kids in K-Zoo called them Sarica. Funny. Anyhow, Sarah came in for a wedding of her good buddy, Alison, who also lived in Kalamazoo, and was a good buddy to Eri and Jonathan. So because Alison was busy with wedding stuff and has a baby and her Mom is in town for the upcoming wedding, we took just Sarah out to dinner. It was a beautiful night and we ate outdoors in a wonderful spot, under a lovely sky. It really was a joyous reunion. Sarah and Eri only knew one another for 11 months, but it was one of those forever kinds of connections. We met Sarah on the last day that we saw ERica as herself, when Eri brought Sarah and Heather here from K-zoo to meet us. The surprise visit. We took Heather and her boyfriend, now husband out to dinner when we were in Boston as she has lived there for over 8 years. It is in these kinds of connections that I feel so very deeply grateful. To know that Erica remains in their hearts and memories, and to know that we get to still know the kids as they enter these many phases of their lives.

 

Jenn, I am sure that it is emotional to get your Daughter ready for college. It is normal for the anxiety to hit, even if you hadn't gone through such a huge loss. You are a giving Mom to know that she has a destiny to fulfill. YEp, I agree with you and Shannon, I do believe too, that we share more than our physical traits with our ancestors.

 

 

[Guest]

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[Angel Boy of Mine]

[Sarai's Mom: Jody]

Lora, Dee, Kati and Shannon,

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and hope. I appreciate it. It's nice to know I haven't totally lost my mind, since I feel that way most days. I always want to talk about Sarai so it's nice to hear that I can tell her story over and over. I know it doesn't bring her back and doesn't change the outcome, I just feel I need to keep her with me. 

Sarai's Story:

My daughter Sarai died on March 22, 2014. The autopsy hasn't come back so my mind plays tricks on itself everyday. It will be 20 weeks on Saturday and still no answers. Sarai was an incredible, determined, intelligent, funny,driven, perfect young women. Sarai graduated high school 6 months early so she could get to college. She wanted to catch up to her brother who was 2 years older than her and attending ASU. Sarai wanted to be a dentist and had already secured a job a dentist office as a dental assistant. When she turned 18 she graduated HS and moved in with her dad because location wise was closer to her job. After she moved in with him, she had a lot of stress and anxiety. A month before she died she was in a car accident and had a concussion, this added to her stress and anxiety. She complained she didn't feel right. The hospital treated her and gave her flexorol, vicodin and ibuprofen. She was all of 100 lbs. I talked to her the day she died and she had a really bad day and didn't want to talk. The next day her best friend called me and said she couldn't get a hold of her and asked me to call her dad. I called him and he said she was sleeping but he would check on her. He called me back and said she drowned in the bath tub. My heart broke in that moment. The police believe it was an accident. I will NEVER understand why. Sarai was full of hopes and dreams and had a lot of family and friends who loved her. She was a huge presence in my life and many others. Often an inspiration to her brother and his friends. The loss has left all of us void. My 20 year old son decided to move 3 weeks ago, on her 4 month anniversary date (I don't think he registered the date). He withdrew from ASU and moved to California and is living with my brother, which gives me comfort that he's with family. My son had told me if he stayed here he would not make it. He finally has been sleeping through the night and is working with my brother. My 11 year old son often tells me he can't wait to go to heaven so he can see Sarai. She was always like a second mom to him. He talks about her everyday like she's still here. This is all so exhausting daily.

When I read all the post, my heart aches for all of us. Loss is hard and sad enough, but the loss of a child is not natural.

Thank you all again for being here, it means a lot.

Jody  

[daveydow1]

Saraismom----I'm sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, Sarai.  This is so

very recent that you've been on this grief road.....the pain, disbelief, and 

sorrow are so raw and overwhelming at this stage.  Your older son probably

felt that he needed to get away from your home area, and try to deal with

his loss of his sister in his own way. It's good that he is with family, who

can understand & offer support for him in his sorrow.  Your 11 year old

must have a very difficult time dealing with his loss, but it is good that he

can talk about Sarai and express his feelings.  I know that this is a terrible

time for you....I'm sorry.  Please come back to this site  (BI....formerly called

Beyond Indigo), and you can always tell us all about Sarai.  This site is for

grieving parents, and it's always open, and welcomes all who grieve. Peace to you.

 

Colleen----Too funny.....the birds teasing the cats !  I guess it's funny to all

except the cats themselves.   

 

 

Dee-----

So nice that you had a good visit with Sarah...Eri's friend.  The dinner

out sounds so nice, and it's always comforting to talk to our kids' friends

because they have a lot to offer us with their stories that bring smiles

and comfort.

 

Becky----Such a nice tribute to JD.  Thanks for posting it.

 

Jenn----Your mixed emotions about getting your daughter ready to go to

college is so understandable....sad, yet hopeful and exhilarated to see your

daughter get started on her education and life ahead.  Your genealogy work

must be interesting.  Grandmas always seem to have some wonderful stories

and info to tell....(grandpas too).  I have 'dabbled' in family history from time to

time, but not too much lately.  My mom is 94, but her memory is failing much

of the time, though she's still able to relate things to us from time-to-time.

Sending thoughts & prayers, friend.

 

 

WISHING    PEACE   AND  COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Jody, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet girl. I know how hard it is to lose a child. You have come to a great place to be understood. Post when you are able and read when you do not feel up to talking. Everyone here is walking this same path. Here you will find a  place that you can vent and be understood. We help each other to keep standing.

 

Thinking of everyone this evening and wishing you a peaceful evening. Kate

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

Jody,

Sarai sounds like an amazing young woman. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm assuming that is her in your profile picture. She's beautiful. I'm sorry that you are still waiting for answers. I have two Sons, Zak is 15 years old and Aiden is 4. Tris was like a second Mom to Aiden just as Sarai was to your young Son. Grief is very exhausting. Please keep coming and reading and sharing as you can. As Kate said, we all are walking this path.

[Guest Trista's_Mom]

I have a story to share. I have my 8 year old step-daughter, Madison, here this week. At the beginning of the summer she asked for Trista to send her a butterfly. She knows that I see butterflies as signs from Tris and she said that she wanted Tris to send her a big butterfly and she wanted to hold it. Just a short time after she asked Tris for a butterfly, a large yellow and black swallow tail flew all around her, close enough for her to touch. She screamed and ran away. We both laughed. She got exactly what she asked for but freaked out. Today, I told Madi we would be going to Trista's site. She said she wanted to say a prayer for Tris and write her a note and send it up with a balloon. She was on vacation with her Mom's family and was not able to be here for the balloon release we did on Trista's Angel date. We ran some errands and got flowers for Trista. By the time we were done there was no place open to get balloons. I told Madi we would have to do it another day. She, of course, was disappointed. We were walking back to our car to head to Trista's site and we walked past our little local toy store. The woman who owns the shop was just locking the door. There were two helium balloons tied to the banister. She saw Madi and Aiden standing there and said, "These balloons are for these two." She gave them each a balloon. They were both able to write a note to Sissy and send a balloon to heaven. As Madi sat on the grass by Trista's site, writing her note, a butterfly came and landed on her arm for just a brief second. Madi was so excited. Sissy sent her a balloon and gave her a second chance at holding a butterfly.

[katibug98]

Shannon~Simply beautiful!  I bet they were SO excited.  Thank you for sharing that.  We're kinda partial to butterflies here too.  The pictures are wonderful!

[Sarai's Mom: Jody]

Again thank you all for your word and support

 

Shannon, I am 100% certain that those things that took place were your daughters presence. I think that is so beautiful.

 

Peace to all of you

 

Jody

[ericasmom]

Wonderful butterfly stories Shannon, the yellow swallowtail was all around yesterday, and not one day prior to that this summer. Funny. I took many photos of her, feeling akin to her somehow. The hummingbirds too have been near lately, I always feel that Eri is present when the butterlies are and the hummingbirds.

 

Jody, Sarai is lovely, and yes, we want to know all about her and the whole family. Talking about Sarai, using her name, reading her name will all go a long way into helping you feel a bit better. This is early on thegrief path and so you have taken some big steps in which to find your way. Being here is one Big step, a good one.

 

Sherry, was it you that said that there are canaries in your garden? Wow, we have had them around here though never nesting in my yard.

[Sailormom]

Shannon,

 

Sounds like such a wonderful day.  Glad things turned out enjoyable. 

 

Jody, 

 

So sorry for your loss and having to join us here.  It's only been 5 1/2 months for me and it is truly a rough road for us all.

Coming here defintly helps.

 

 

[Guest]

.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wanda, I have been thinking about your Lane's Angelversary date earlier this week, it is so very difficult for sure. May you feel his sweet presence today close to you. Prayers for you and your daughter. How is your daughter handling this?

 

*************

I am away from home right now, so I plan on catching up with reading/responses later. Prayers for comfort today...

[Kalikama]

Yesterday was my son's 4 month "angelversary".  I spent it on our pontoon boat at the sandbar in our lake, with two very dear friends.  It was a beautiful day--not many people out during the week.  The lake was so clear; the sky, sun-filled.    We are almost done with redecorating his room.  

 

Jody--our son had an autopsy, as well.  It took about 6 weeks to get all the tests back to give a cause of death.  It took another 3 to get a copy of the autopsy report.  If you are not familiar with medical "stuff", you may not want to read it when it becomes available.  I had to and this isn't my "first rodeo", so I can dissociate fairly well when reading that kind of thing.

 

Erica's mom--so glad you were able to meet with Eri's friends in K'zoo.  Many of Ethan's friends have already dropped off the map.  They might "return" as it is still early, but I suspect some of them are feeling guilty.  We don't see ANY of Bobby's friends, now that it has been 15 years and they have all moved away.  It's kind of sad and I would love to see them.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, Madison is very cute, I love that she wanted to connect to Trista. I love the balloon story as well, there Trista was, her timing impeccable.

[Mermaid Tears]

I am back...first time on since last week....have no time now....will post more later...

we had 2 amazing men in our town to pass....our little town was just rocked under...

then...one of our bright young men...25..died just Tuesday...car wreck..and today...my neighbor died..

so....it has been uphill....

 

our trip to Port 'A' I will relate later....

 

I am 'ok' ....kinda....sorta.....