Loss of an Adult Child

[shorty16]

Dee. Glad to hear your ankle is healing. Take care of yourself and keep cool and dry. I hear your area is a bit wet and today it is really hot and humid. We are auppose to get some bad weather. Since we live close, wondering how your doing?

Greg. Recovery from abdominal surgery is tough. I did it 4 times. Sorry you did not dream of Your Brian.

Karen. I hope you know by now that you are not going crazy, just grieving. After My Brian died, I actually went to see someone, because I thought I was loosing my mind. I could not keep a thought or complete a task. It took me almost a year before I could follow a recipe and finish it. Hang on, we are here to let you know you are as normal as the rest of us.

Sherry. A big hello to you. One of the original Indigos. See any cool birds lately? Scott and I went to Schlitz Audobon Center and saw a red headed woodpecker. He was gorgeous. His call was very high pitched and quick. He did not hide from us.

To all my friends on this sight. Please know I think of this place very day nd the strength I received to move forward.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[daveydow1]

Colleen----Good to see you here at BI. Your visit to the Schlitz Audobon sounds

so nice,...and all the great birds to see....especially the red-headed woodpecker.  

Nice that he didn't hide from your view. We've had this delightful little brown

wren that took up residence in a small decorative bird box that I hung out beside

the back patio. There was a pair of them in late spring.....not sure if they are both

still there now, but at least one of them goes in & out of the bird box. I peeked in,

and there is a nest in it.  Opening is small. The wren will sit up on the shepherd's

hook and sing & sing....every day. All this is visible from my kitchen window.

This is the first time we've had wrens so near, although the bird box was there

last year, but no birds then.  They are delightful.

 

Karen---Glad that your procedure went well today.  Also....glad that you got

your oven fixed.  Now, you can go back to baking that delicious bread &

other goodies. Oh.....97 degrees !   Yikes.  It was 90 her today, but is to be

cooler tomorrow.  Sending prayers that you can get some good rest tonight. 

 

Dee----Glad that your ankle is healing well.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....was wondering if you went through the stage of....'all the days...nights...weeks..months...years...and so many minutes' I wasted'.....

 

when they....my child...your children...were with you...??

I feel like I squandered so much...for the every..every...day ...

 

but then...I know....if I had known....I would have ....not been able to 'be'...

there is no way of knowing....I am that smart...

 

 

but all the times...all that...

maybe this is just a normal path on the grief journey...when we look back...and wish we did not take that everyday..day...for granted...

[lovU2themoon]

thank you all for thinking of my Lane on his birthday. 

very exhausted the last few days, trying to rest, read, try and figure out the next first,

Aug 9 the year mark, the last day i kissed my boy gave him a hug, and said "see you tomorrow!!"

And tomorrow never came....

[karenthiemermann]

Colleen: I thought about seeing someone when this first happened. I settled on reaching out and found this forum which has helped me immensely. I do talk with my pastor. I know I'm not going crazy--it just feels that way sometimes. It's so hard to concentrate. That's why I try to spend time in the kitchen as it's always been a respite to me and things come naturally. Today, I'm going to attempt to clean my stove--it seems like a daunting task for me but I've neglected it for too long. If I don't finish it today, it'll be there tomorrow. My hope is to find a distraction. Today marks 2 weeks that Michelle grew her wings.

 

Sherry: I won't be doing any baking today. I'll be cleaning-besides-it's just too hot to turn on the oven. I got about 5 hours of sleep. I woke up many times, but I didn't stay up. I forced myself to go right back to bed.

 

It was 2 weeks ago today that I got the call. I've been through loss--sudden, tragic loss in my family. Even suicide. But nothing could have prepared me for the pain I feel at the loss of my sweet daughter. I told my sister last night that I will never be the same, nor will my children. She wanted me to know, that she doesn't expect anything from me at all; she just wants me to know that she will support me. My brother feels the same way--as does my husband. I'm grateful and blessed to have such a strong support team.

 

And for this place, and all of you, who have shared their journeys with me, I will be eternally grateful.

 

I hope to be able to share more about Michelle soon. It's just been so hard to get it down on paper.

 

I hope all of you have a good day today.

 

Peace and Love,

 

Karen

[karenthiemermann]

Just had to share this about Michelle before I start my day. I was scrolling through my newsfeed on FB, when I came across a picture of some baby bunnies. It made me remember how much she loved animals. She once ran into a neighbor's burning house to rescue their child's pet iguana. She had such a big heart!

 

Peace today and always,

 

Karen

[Mermaid Tears]

Feeling very thankful....

 our twins...Hunter Bear and Taylor....have been in Paris, France....visiting a cousin of their Dad's....for two weeks...they came home today.....with all the turmoil overseas....am glad to have them on Texas turf....Hunter Bear had a Cheeseburger the first thing when he got to Brenham.....

[karenthiemermann]

So glad your twins are back home safe and sound. I can certainly understand how it would feel uneasy to have them overseas right now. So happy for you!  When I lived in the wilderness in Alaska for 2 months, the first thing I wanted when we flew back into town was big, juicy cheeseburger! Enjoy your day!!

 

Karen 

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes ...Karen....we have fraternal twins...Hunter Bear and Taylor....they are 16....we also have identical twin boys..Josh and Alex...they are 20....(of course they are my GRANDchildren).....I also wonder about the close relationship between twins...and how your Michael must be grieving for his twin sister....

   you mentioned how your children are not communicating as much....I don't think I would take it personally....we have 6 children...Randa, John David, Jason, Jesse, Aaron and Jeremy....

   when John David passed....all my children seemed to 'go and lick their wounds'....I think it is natural to want to 'cocoon' in yourself....

  as Dee says...'you change to make room for the loss'....

and when a parent loses a child....when one loses a brother or sister....

the dynamics of the family changes...

it takes a lot of time...to re-balance and learn the 'new normal'....

[shorty16]

Sherry,

My experiences with wrens has been much different. We have had 2 nests in our front bushes and both times the parents SCREAMED at us every time we went on our porch.

No singing here!

So annoying we left until they did.

Glad yours sings

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Sailormom]

HAPPY DANCE ! ! !   Can we say Karma....  Person responsible for my son's death is in Jail !  ! !    Hopefully he will stay there.

 

 

 

[shorty16]

Karen,

It is wonderful you have a good support system. You are right, you are not the same person as you were when your beautiful Michelle was here on Earth. (that is my daughters name and spelt right too).

We have to get to know who we have become and that takes a long time.

I am much more sensitive to people hurting. I also know what to say, or not say, to these same people.

Glad you found us.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[shorty16]

Sailormom

I am dancing here in Wisconsin!

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Jeff's Mom]

Sorry I have not had the opportunity to read posts to reply properly the last day or so.  Will try to catch up tomorrow. I am thinking of all of you and sending support and prayers.

 

Here is a picture of an eagle that my husband and I saw on a drive today to a place called Hecla Island that is approximately 60 miles north from our cottage. This is the best shot I have had to date. It is a migratory spot for eagles that gather in the fall. The red tower is a wildlife lookout tower that looks out over the trees and lake. We ate lunch eating outside at a small marina café. The Island is just beautiful and serene. Quiet and a perfect place for nature walks. Wishing everyone a good evening. Love to all, Kate

[Sailormom]

Awsome shot Kate ! !  I haven't got a good eagle shot in a couple of years.  Looks like a great place to go.

 

 

[Kalikama]

SAILORMOM--I'm dancing in Michigan!!  SO, So happy for you!  It doesn't bring your son back, but it's so good to know he's off the streets so another mom doesn't have to go through what we are going through!  Love and Light being sent with my dance!

[Sailormom]

He's not in for association with my son, but as long as he is in is all I care about.   I want him to stay behind bars forever

[ericasmom]

Sailor's mom, so glad for the news of the dealer being put behind bars. Good news and proof that he is up to no good in other people's lives. Rest easier tonight.

 

Kate, what a pretty area, so lovely and your photos are great.

[Guest]

...

[Sailormom]

Hope things go well at the drs appointment today. 

 

 

[karenthiemermann]

Susan: I can see how our family dynamic has changed already. I thought this would bring us all closer right away, but it hasn't. Michael has really "cocooned". At least from family. He's with friends. We are all reaching out to him, but I guess he's just not ready and I think it will take him a lot longer than the rest of us. The "twin bond" is unique and I just need to assure him that I'm here for him.

 

Coleen: I read about the "new normal" all the time. I'm still so confused that I can't figure it out. One day at a time--that's the best we all can do, I guess. I would like to think that I will become a better person; more sensitive and compassionate. It's only been 2 weeks, though. I'm definitely relying on my support system and my faith to get through each day.

 

My mom is coming by today; it will be the first time. She said she is bringing lunch and something special for me. It'll be nice to get a hug from her. She never showed much grief when my brother passed in 2000. She immediately went back to work and says that's what saved her. She doesn't like to think of herself as being weak--that's how she was brought up. I'll be happy to see her, regardless.

 

Yesterday, I made up my mind to stay busy doing "mindless" things where I didn't have to put much thought into anything. Cleaning and scrubbing and cooking till about 4pm. The day did go by quickly. It's the nights that are long and drawn out. Waking up so often; bad dreams, etc. 

 

I'm anxious to get Michelle's "memory" cards in so I can put them together and get them out. I just want friends and family to have them.

 

I hope all of you here have some peace in your day today. My deepest appreciation to you for taking the time to support me. This has been a lifeline for me.

 

PEACE and LOVE,

 

Karen

[Mermaid Tears]

Sailor's Mom...many on this site has sought justice for their child...there are so many paths to take for justice...some reach a place of 'justification'...and some hit a brick wall....and some when they hit that brick wall think they have failed their child...

I see it different....it is just another way in which we love that child...and in that...there can never be failure...because love for that child is what steered you on...and carried you....even though the odds were so against you. You still end up the winner for the quest.

[Mermaid Tears]

Kate....thanks for sharing that peaceful place....I think I need a place like that for about 6 months...I can't go there but am happy you and Ross can....we are our 'eyes' and 'ears' for each other....

 

Lora...there are days I have 'heavy sadness' and days I have 'light sadness'....some days I am reminded of some tucked away memory and that memory seems to come back with such a vivid force...some days ...I can't remember what I did the day before....if I have a day I need to 'get things done'...I try to close the door so to speak....so I can move forward with natural ability....for I think we really feel 'crippled' inside...you have so much on your plate....we all remind you to 'self care' and get your rest....

 

Dee...am happy to hear your ankle is healing right along....my friend here that owns a very busy Antique shop...'Today and Yesterday'...it has even been featured on HGTV...had a bad accident with her horse and broke her lower leg in 2 places...she is still in a wheel chair....a long recovery for her....she said everything is 'inconvenient'....

 

Karen....your family has been on the grief journey for only 2 weeks....everything is shattered for all of you....

here our family has been on the grief journey for just about 2 years....and we are still limping around the empty spot...we still don't have a way to define it or a place to put it in our hearts or circle of family...

[Kalikama]

Mermaid Tears--the search for justice is a distraction as well as one of the last things we can do for our child.  Even if the person responsible for my sons death (not saying my son had no responsibility himself) was in jail for a totally unrelated reason, I'd feel vindicated.  If he was sentenced to multiple years, I'd be throwing a party.  This isn't vindictiveness as much as knowing he WILL do this again, probably has done it to many others and NO other person should be disposed of the way my son was and no other parent should have to go through this pain.  

 

Sailor's mom--keep us posted.  Just knowing your guy was put away, gave me a good night's sleep, last night.  First time in a week.  You were in my prayers as I drifted off. 

[Sailormom]

I am so glad you got some sleep

[ericasmom]

Hey All,

just returned from a short and lovely trip to Grand Haven, Michigan area. My husband and I spent from Sunday afternoon until this morning there, sitting on the beach reading, I took some lovely beach walks, and all in all we relaxed in a wonderful beachy way. When we got home we went to see my Son and Erica baby. So dear. She was a blast to hang out with today. Changing all the time. Just a beauty. My Son is a good Daddy and they have a wonderful bond. A new baby is due in the next several weeks, a boy. In the meantime, they are moving to a rental home a town over, near the school where I work, and will be there for at least 6 months while their little home grows taller, a second story addition. So much change for my little Grandgirl, a different home, a new brother, and a bigger home after winter. Wow. All before she is 2 years old.

 

Now that I am home I can type so much better, the old computer we take with us is slow as can be and froze up regularly, but still, so nice to have it when we are away.

 

The garden looks beautiful upon our return. The giant white lilies have opened, and their scent is on the breeze as sweet as honey.

[ericasmom]

Lora, sorry that you were feeling so low the other day. I hope today feels better and that the news of your brother at the doctor is good.

 

Karen, sometimes staying busy worked for me but mostly those first weeks I walked and sat in the garden. I walk a lot, usually three walks a day, but I just kept on walking, had a hard time settling down. I had 5 weeks left of summer before I had to see if I could work. I teach third grade. For me it was a great and wonderful return to work, to the children and to those 6 hours a day that meant I had to focus on them, not me and not the accident.

 

Yep, a party for sure will be enjoyed when both of the dealers in your Sons' deaths are in jail Kalikama. And as afar as thinking of Sailor's mom as you fell asleep, this is what I do every night when I cannot sleep. If I pray or just think of everyone on the site, one by one, name them and their Child, I usually will fall asleep  in prayer which is nice. If I cannot sleep, the light is on and I am reading.

[ericasmom]

Let's see if I can post a photo from the beach...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Found this quote from CS Lewis, A Grief Observed

 

"Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape."

 

Back at home. 

 

Thinking of everyone today...

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...I do love the 'sand writing'.....

[ericasmom]

Thanks Susan, I like writing the names to be viewed by heaven above...

 

Sandy are you out there and are you okay?

 

Here is a photo of my little Love Erica Elizabeth:

This was in my Son's yard today, Babygirl had a bit of strawberry on her cheek.

[ericasmom]

giant white liliy

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

thought I would relate what I just read...only on the cover of a book "Fall of Frost" by Brian Hall....

 

Frost, as both man and artist, was toughened by a hard life. His own father died when Frost was eleven; his only sibling , a sister, has to be institutionalized; of his six children, one died before the age of four and another in infancy, one committed suicide, one went insane, and one perished in childbirth. But as Hall shows, Frost determined early on that he would not succumb to the tragedies life threw at him. The deaths of his children were forms of his own death from which he resurrected himself through poetry ...for him, the preeminent symbol of man's  form-giving power.

 

'an exploration of why good people suffer unjustly and how art is born from the unanswerable question'.....

 

I will read this book in due time....but....now I have an inkling why I like ....

 

"for I have promises to keep....and miles to go before I sleep"....

 

 

Dee....so glad you and your Best Boyfriend got to get away for some R&R....

wow...some big changes are coming for your 'BabyDoll' and Grama...

another GRANDchild on the way....you will find how your arms stretch to fit them all in a hug...blessings to you and yours..

 

Laurie...I hope things can settle down in and around you...how are your parent's doing ? How is Thomas ? Christina?

 

 

[Jeff's Mom]

Lora, I do hope that you are feeling a bit better today. How did the appt. with the doctor go? It is difficult and such a strain to remain upbeat while carrying the concern and care for your brother.

 

Karen, how did things go with your mom?

 

Dee, oh my...the flowers are just spectacular! And that baby doll of yours is growing like a weed! Congrats on the new baby boy just around the corner. So much happening and all very positive. It sounds as if things are very active in your neck of the woods.

 

Sherry, I too have a fondness for house wrens. We have several houses and I love to waken in the mornings hearing their cheery sounds. I've noticed that when the babies are born that their call sounds different. They are definitely very busy right now as the houses are buzzing with activity with the new babes.

 

Susan, thanks for sharing that. We definitely find that we have to work at rebuilding our lives after our child dies. Something that not one of us could have imagined possible a short time ago. This is not for the faint of heart.

 

Laurie...how are you?

 

Sandy? Thinking of you this evening and hoping things are manageable with Kelly. How are you doing?

 

Leah?

 

Kalikama...I know how important it is that justice be served. I am so glad that the person responsible will not be able to reoffend.

 

I am attaching a picture that my son sent me this morning from Calgary of an owl. This is for the bird lovers of the group.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee.....I do think Baby Doll has Eri's eyebrows....

but then..maybe I am mistaken...but...so familiar...even in that baby face...

they define the face....

 

Kate....in early October....in our area....an owl comes close by....and stays for awhile...

I always sleep with a window open (if not wide open then somewhat open).. and a glass/container of water by my bed..

I have had that habit/need since I was a very, very small child...and I have always loved to hear that 'hoot..hoot..hoot'...in the night...

 

 

I wonder about that plane crash...where so many died at once...wondering if they died together...or one at a time...going to Heaven...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sailormom, it is good to hear that you had some justice. The girl who killed my son is still on the run, no trial without her.

 

Wade, thinking of you today...prayers.

 

Shannon, also you...in my thoughts...

 

Wanda, know you are heading towards that one year mark...what should be and yet is not...cannot wrap my head around that one yet...perhaps never....

 

Susan, I am just resting...it was good for Christina to get away from the area...my SIL is going through her own sibling loss so they have a common bond there...my SIL lost her sister in March of 2012..she was only 50...

 

Read a little more on Robert Frost...on WIKI, just putting all those dates together, it is hard to imagine he could hold a pen after all that...whoever wrote the info on WIKI was pretty clueless though and kept referring to him and his family members as having a problem with depression...well Hello, this man and each family member was impacted by grief...and it kept compounding as each family member was lost...just my thoughts as I read about his life..

 

Thomas is doing okay, working some side jobs to keep busy...

 

Lora, good to see your posting...

 

Kate, thank you for sharing your pics on the getaway...

 

Dee, that little grandbaby sure has grown since her first pic was posted...I am constantly buying Benton cloths as he grows out of them fast...

 

Karen, keep posting about your girl..it does help...

 

Thinking of so many that come here tonight, and I again thank all of you for walking along side me since my loss of Jesse...

 

Gretchen, Colleen, Carol, Debbie, Mary Ann, Ted, Sandy, Becky....

[ericasmom]

Laurie, how old is Benton? Are he and Erica just a few months apart? Erica is 15.5 months old.How are you? You have been at your parents home again I think, how are they doing? YOur sister is doing better from last I heard.

 

Yep, Baby Girl is getting big, and Susan, how nice if you see Eri's eyebrows or some familiarity there. Eri had the prettiest eyebrows.

 

Love all the wren talk. we have a wren house, but we see more finch than wren. Love the sound of all of them, music to my spirit for sure.

[ericasmom]

Kate, the owl photo is amazing. He is gorgeous. Is he a grey owl? Absolutely breathtaking.

[Angel Boy of Mine]

Sailormom, you wrote: "HAPPY DANCE ! ! !   Can we say Karma....  Person responsible for my son's death is in Jail !  ! !    Hopefully he will stay there."

 

I am one of the parents here that prayed daily for justice for the first two years, which marked the statute ot limitations for the police to bring the charge we believed to be appropriate, "inattentive driving resulting in death". I can really understand how you feel that at least one of the persons responsible for taking your precious son away from you is behind bars. The police in our case weren't motivated to charge, as they believed it would be a difficult case to prove, and even when through my own investigation I found there were witnesses that would have and could have given them what they needed to charge, they still didn't. I worked every waking minute trying to bring forth the truth and to obtain some measure of justice, until I got so sick and so hurt physically that I couldn't hardly walk or hold a pencil in my hand, and nearly died in the hospital at the end of this January past.

 

You have every right to feel how you feel, but please guard your health and guard your heart. We will see our angels again. That knowledge is the only thing that moves me forward. Here is a picture I created about the time that I discovered a witness that had seen the crash that killed my son, after I had spent hours on my knees crying to God to please help make the truth known and to give us justice for my boy. That witness poured her heart out to my daughter of what she had witnessed, only later to backstroke and not be willing to share that information with the police, as her husband knew the driver's family and did not want the witness involved. 

 

My heart to you as you navigate this walk of grief.

 

 

 

Laurie, I think I read where you said prosecution in your son's case was at a standstill because that driver fled before they could charge her? Don't let them drop the case due to statute of limitations. Press them to involve whoever they have to,  to find this woman and bring her to justice. Statutes are different in different states, for us, in DE, it was two years from the time of incident, as it was first based on a traffic violation. 

 

We are still awaiting a date for trial where my son's killer has falsely accused my daughter of assault. The driver continues to drive past our house, and was seen in the neighborhood the night the signs were shot up. That witness called the police to tell them what he saw, as this is a rural road and there was no other traffic near the time of the gunshots. The police haven't even responded to that witness to find out what he saw or heard. Unreal.

 

Kate: Loved the owl pic, very cool! I am keeping a close eye on my baby ducks, and my daughter helped me to get in the pool yesterday for a while, sitting on the steps that go into the pool and watching them swim and catch bugs on the top of the water. They would come within an arms length of me, but I made no attempt to get closer, keeping my arms at my sides, not to be threatening in anyway. I think the mama duck trusts me. She left them in my care for about two hours yesterday, and then flew back to the side of the pool where she calls to them until they hop out. They were reluctant, which made her get louder, and finally one by one they got out and followed her to the yard, where they all found the cracked corn I had thrown in the sideyard for them earlier. They seem to be getting into a routine. 

[karenthiemermann]

Good morning all. It was my intention to read all of your posts and reply individually, but somehow I got confused so I had to address everyone at once.

 

It took me a long time to get to sleep last night, even after reading and praying, but once I did fall asleep, I slept a little more soundly and didn't wake up quite so often; but when I did get up, and passed through the living room, I looked over to Michelle's picture, as I always do, but this time it was almost with disbelief, seeing it surrounded by sympathy cards and mementos, and I had to say out loud, " Is she really gone?", and I immediately felt lost and confused. 

 

Yesterday, I stayed very busy again--scrubbing and cleaning--I even gave Bugsy a bath, ( our little dog). Managed a trip to the grocery store with Achim and finally ran out of steam around 3pm. Totally wiped out.

 

Mom and Richard, (my step-dad ), came by at 10:30 and brought some lovely things for us to eat and a " Willow Tree" mother/daughter figurine for me--very sweet. They stayed all of 10 minutes, but that's typical. I enjoyed getting a hug from my mom.

 

I have to go in for an X-ray this morning that will show stability in my spine; praying for a positive outcome.

 

My sweet sister is still not sleeping well and waking up with headaches. She thinks she is so close to me that she is affected by my grief very deeply and that's probably true. Kurt called, ( my brother), to check on me and fill me in on my niece's wedding plans.

 

The kids are still a little distant as far as communication goes; Chuck and Bonnie are very active on FB, so I see their posts and I think they're doing OK; it's Michael who I'm most concerned about. He's very lost right now.

 

Here are a couple of photos from 2006, when Michelle, Maddy, and Jared came to Texas for a visit and I  threw them a " hoedown". We had so much fun at that party. Michelle had short hair then.

 

I hope all of you have a good day, full of good memories. I think of all of you and your children often during the day.

 

I wish you all PEACE and LOVE,

 

Karen 

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, so glad you mentioned the families of those lost in the plane disaster. My thoughts exactly! How my heart aces for them knowing how they must be feeling. So senseless and tragic!

 

Laurie, I agree. Depression? Well, "HELLO'? Makes you wonder what people are thinking when they write this stuff.

 

Karen, good luck with your X-Ray this morning. Thank you for sharing your pictures of the kids. I imagine that they had a great time. And it is all of those good memories that will bring you comfort as time passes.

 

Becky, I love that the ducks have found a home in your pool! I imagine that floating and just relaxing in the water felt wonderful yesterday.

 

Dee, yes that was a Great Gray Owl. We have Great Horned owls and Snowy Owls in our area.

 

This is a very busy time for us in Gimli this week. It is the Gimli Film Festival. It started on Wednesday with a film held on the lake. They showed Cocoon on the huge screen set up out on the water. They are expecting fifteen thousand people this weekend. Both outdoor and indoor films will be shown. People bring lawn chairs and sit on the vast expanse of beach and watch outdoor movies at night. The films are free... and it is a terrific way to spend a lovely summer evening. This lazy peaceful place is transformed into a madhouse for several days. It is good for local business however.

 

Thinking of everyone today and wishing you a peaceful next few days. Kate

[Mermaid Tears]

I have now.....this 'other eye' for seeing....

Mary Todd Lincoln was described as being 'mad'...'crazy'....by historians..

she lost 3 sons....

she was in the deepest kind of grief...

now I understand her better...

 

what many call depression is really mourning and grief...if they can trace loss of a child in their background..

 

as for me...my grief led me to 'cocoon'....it was instinct...and I am a very high volume energetic person..

but..I folded my wings so to speak...

I have a good friend that suffers from depression...and when she has an episode she has no energy...sleeps erratic...

and that was one of my symptoms...could hardly pick up a kleenex off the floor...

my attitude was 'What is the Use?'.....

so...am just guessing that grief will bring on a state of depression...

 

my energy level is coming back....I am not back where I was...but I would put me at 80% now...

 

Karen...I think we all find a way to handle our grief....and 'keeping hands' busy is good....love that hat your girl has on...I see a 'sassy spirit' in your girl....

 

you bake bread....I have a great recipe for you....

but...last winter...I woke up one morning and decided if women could bake bread coming across the country in a Conestoga wagon....I could bake bread in my kitchen...so....I started baking bread...

all my family and friends were amazed....(you would have to really know me for them to be so astounded)...

but...I baked some good bread....

and in doing so....it was good for me...

just follow your instincts

 

 

Kate...what a wonderful festival....films..water...and sweet breezes....you and Ross so deserve some sweet days...

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...our Warrior Mom....and now....you are a protective umbrella for our feathered friends....so like you....

 

and yes....we want you to 'lay down' the spear....for now....and rest and heal...

 

you left no stone unturned on your quest for justice for your beloved..beautiful...boy.

[Kalikama]

Erica's Mom--Love the sand writing!  There is a woman who does this for people who have lost babies and she takes a pic and sends it to them. Glad you enjoyed Grand Haven.  Michigan's west coast is divine.

 

Jesse Davids Mom--CS Lewis gave me a lot of comfort when my first son died.  Haven't looked at any of his stuff, this time around, but will have to find it.

 

Karen-wish I was cleaner like you.  I get "spurts", but for the most part feel like Mermaid Tears.  Just thinking "What's the use?"  I am fortunate enough to live in a small lakeside community, so my instinct to cocoon just isn't allowed.  They give me my days, but if it is sunny, someone will get me out on the boat or at least to the beach.  And walking is just starting to happen, but I don't want to run into someone I know and have to talk, so I only go with my dog and my husband.  

[ericasmom]

Kalikama, where do you live? I may have asked that already, sorry. I retain water but not facts...I have always gone to the south western edge of Michigan. My kids grew up with summer vacations stretching from Traverse City down to Leeland, Sleeping Bear Dunes, Ludington where we spent most of our allotted vacation days, and Grand Haven. Stops in Saugatuck on our way home to Chicago. Love the State Forests there, the trails and the beaches are in good shape. The nature centers are a huge draw for me both as a Mom and a Teacher. Sadly, last year we found the shops inside the nature centers no longer open. I always bought things for my classroom there.

Yes, watching the waves roll in and write their history into the sand is a very powerfully spiritual activity for me. And writing our Children down brings them to the place and fills me with their energy.

I am glad that walking is good for your soul, that your dog and husband accompany you, helping lead you forward. Your Son is smiling on your efforts with his full and forever love.

 

Kate, sounds like an amazing time in town. I agree with Susan, you and Ross have worked very hard to get to a place where this kind of time can be fully enjoyed. HOORAY!

[Mermaid Tears]

There is scientific research now on 'why' water..lakes..lagoons...waterfalls...ocean...does indeed 'soothe our souls'...I caught some of it on TV...can't remember who did the research or the name of the book....

 

I didn't need a book to tell me that....

my Daddy use to tell me when we would be at our beach cabin...'All life came from the ocean'....I have always felt like I am going home when I go to the beach...

 

Kalik....I am still the same...'I just don't want to talk to anyone'....there is a few in my circle that it is ok...

 

Dee...once again....(I am the same..I retain water and not info).....the name of that book you mentioned some time ago..was..

"Name All the Animals"...?

 

 

Wade....if you are coming on site and only reading...that is good....I and I know many on this site are thinking of you...and holding you and yours in our circle of prayers....

  just talked to my sister in SA....her dear friend just hosted her daughter's wedding....last week....the day after...her Mom died...(she had been ill for a long time)....and she said...'no matter how long you are aware that they are so ill...it still is a blow that that Mama is not there anymore'....Amen....

 

Shannon....we all hope you are putting your 'self care' at the top of the list....we know you are dealing with many layers of issues now....and most of all.....that hurting grief for your girl....but we care and are here to 'be there' for you.

 

 

[daveydow1]

Dee----Thanks for the pics of the white lily..and of little Erica. She's a beauty.

So nice that a new little brother will join the family soon. Congrats to all !

Glad that you had such a nice vacation in Michigan.

 

Kate----There might be babies in the wren box near our patio.....seems like

there is more than one adult bird, so maybe there are babes....I don't know.

They certainly are busy birds. Thanks for the great eagle pic.

I'll say this again.....I'm sorry that your dear old dog has passed.

Pets are such a comfort to us in grief. I remember my

old cat, Brownie, helped me a lot.....(she's since passed too.)  

 

Sailormom----So good to hear that the one who was responsible for your son's

death is now behind bars.

 

Susan-----I agree....siblings do seem to want to 'keep to themselves' with their

private thoughts & prayers, and to somehow figure out how to try to adjust to

the way the family has changed since their brother/sister passed.  Yes,...I have

thought many times of all the time that slipped by before David died, and how

I feel angry with myself for letting the time go by.  I think that this is  very

understandable  on this grief road.  Just wishing 'if we only had that time back'....

what we would give.  But we never expect to face this tragedy, do we?  You are

right....it does change us and the family for all time.

 

 

Colleen-----

YIKES......hyper wrens !!.......'screaming' their protest at you. They

must be territorial, for sure.  Yep---glad the wrens  here are  peaceable and

love to sing.    

 

 

Karen-----

Your being on this unwanted grief road is so very recent. Your confusion,

sorrow, and devastation is the terrible part of being on the journey....especially

the very early time. I'm glad that you found BI so soon after your sweet Michelle

left this world too soon.  After David died, I found BI several months later, but for

some reason, I just would come and read only....never posting. Then finally did

join in the BI family almost a year later.  At the time, I was very new to computer

use, and I guess I might have felt a bit nervous to 'join in'.  It has been a lifeline

for me these past 11 yrs.  When my baby Lisa died years ago....that was before

computers were in widespread use....even in business, so there was nowhere to

go, to be with people who totally understood my loss.  I'm glad that you have a

good support network of loving family & friends to help & understand.

 

lovU2the moon-----Sending thoughts &  prayers as your dear son, Lane's, angel

day is coming up soon.  Peace to you.

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO    ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,  Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Sherry....thanks for the words of care and consideration...so many parts of the grief journey are shared...there are many common 'symptoms'....and then we do know that our grief journey will be as unique as our child..and in your case..your children...was unique...

  I hit a 'velvet wall'....and it seemed I shrank into a maudlin mass of looking back...and I felt rather 'cheap' for all that I took for granted...another trip to the beach...another Christmas...another phone call..another visit...another day to day common every day talk...about the small things...

  it seems John David was on a quest to find the perfect pimento cheese recipe like my Mom's....

 

but ...I know at an intelligent level that I am not the kind of person that 'takes people for granted'....but I do know I did take all that was my life and my circle for granted at a certain level....

  but...if we knew the future...I think many of us would be leveled at insanity...I am sure I would....

[ericasmom]

Yes Sherry, those are casa blanca lilies. SO fragrant. I have to agree, that little Grand-girl is a dollyface. Love love love her.

 

Susan, yes, Name All the Animals by Alison Smith. Also read recently; Making Toast, Also dearly told and special. I have read many books by amazing authors that are about the loss in their real lives like Paula, by Isabelle Allende'. So good. Three Dog Life, by Abigail Thomas, which is about her husband dying.

[ericasmom]

I do believe that there is a difference between taking things for granted and just plain 'living'. We lived as others do never expecting the worst, that phone call, those hours in the hospitals. I can't see anyone here just blowing off their kids wanting to come over, going shopping, anything. That is living. We don't do everything with the thought that it may be the last time, if we did, not only would we fall apart from exhaustion, we would be living in total worry state all the time. If we knew ahead of time, living would be an oxymoron, we would not live, we would be paralyzed.