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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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lovU2themoon

Hi all, Graduation was on Friday, Lane was so excited to be going into grade 12, we had talked about grad, and what he was going to do after school. so feeling bit down, and my friend, whose daughter died in a car accident in October 2012, it was her 20th birthday on Saturday, we let balloons go, 

 Made me think of Lanes birthday that's July 18. I am suppose to plan something, so i don't become "blindsided", my doctor advised to plan and try to have a little

control over the events, he feels that if i don't have something in place, the day will be so overwhelming, my depression will allow me to fall back into that dark or darker place. So i will plan to go to his favorite restaurant, and my mom is going to have us for coffee and dessert and her place after. No cake or balloons or Happy Birthday, i will honour the 17 years my sweet Lane was on earth, not celebrate a birthday he no longer has.

 

I am grateful for the afterlife awareness conference, certainly gave me more to think about.

Terri Daniel has 3 books about her beliefs in the afterlife, she lost her 16 yr old son. Her belief is unwavering. She firmly believes without a doubt in soul contracts, and how we are here to learn. Our loved one who have passes before made soul contracts with us prior to coming here to allow each of us to learn and teach others. How if we quietly look into our soul, meditate and realize this is our souls journey. If we sit our ego aside, and allow our soul to have the lead.

Anyway, she is an amazing woman, and i am reading her book "Turn the corner on Grief Street" very good read.

 

Also Julie Assante, she wrote a book called "The Last Frontier" She was a speaker at the conference also. She to is so incredible firm in her belief in the afterlife. And all but questions why not everyone believes. Amazingly brilliant lady. She also is a medium and believes everyone can communicate with those that are in spirit world. The last chapter of her book gives you the tools to connect yourself. I am not there yet. The has a degree in theology and the book is full of religious antidotes from all different religions. She is a huge believer in reincarnation, and even has a time stamp on how long it takes for the soul to be reincarnated, as little as 16 months after death. 

 

Although no one says we have to skip the process of grieving, we are still human, still have feelings, and need to travel this journey, but even the "idea" of how all this works may one day provide comfort, but not yet, for me it just gives me more to think about. 

 

I will post more about the conference as i remember stuff. As it was a whole lot of information.

 

 

 

Kate, we are wet wet wet, the number 1 highway is closed at Balgonie, right through to Whitewood, most traffic is being re-routed. Moosomin, Redvers. Carlyle, Melville, Yorkton, all have issued state of emergency. Many road in Regina closed, underpasses full, they have a water usage advisory too for the city. Ya not good. and its still raining. Hopefully better weather tomorrow. 

 

Its funny, the weather does not bother me, i think because of how i feel right now, it can be gloomy and raining, and i really dont care. I know that sound terrible, but that is how i feel.

 

Anyway, wishing you all peace tonite.

 

Wanda (Lane's mom)   post-352017-0-64883800-1404194331_thumb.

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Wanda, I know your heart is heavy. I like the way your therapist suggested that you plan something for Lane's birthday. That doing so gives you a bit of control in this grief. And I like the plans you made. They are gentle and loving like your Boy. Prayers for you.

 

The morning is breezy and sunny. Much cooler and much less humidity in the air though the pump is on in our yard as the rain last night was huge again. We are supposed to enjoy several days of sun and breeze and lower temps so I welcome that.

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Jeff's Mom

Dee, happy to hear that your weather is giving you a break. It is again another very cool and cloudy day. The good news is that tis system is supposedly moving along and tomorrow is to bring warm temps and sunshine again. I know that many often joke how Canadians frequently discuss the weather. I guess it is because we have such extremes in our climate. It really can impact what you do. Today is Canada Day and yet it is really cold. Only 11C. (52F) The parade and fireworks are not something you really enjoy standing outside to watch in weather like this. I feel so sorry for the planners and all that have donated their time to put everything into place. Oh well, what can you do?

 

Wanda, yes I agree that finding interest again in anything takes a huge amount of time. After Jeff died I was certain that I would never again feel much of anything. It took  a very long time and many peaks and valleys were hit. All I can offer is to do what you are doing. Go at your own pace and allow yourself to heal. You have been through a very rough year. I like your idea of celebrating Lane's birthday on the 18th.  Jeff's birthday is on the 16th. and we will do something quiet and simple to remember him. Hold on to your faith. it will sustain you when you feel you have hit a wall. In many ways it carried me through some very rough patches when I simply did not want to go on. I simply gave myself over as I could not carry this load alone. And "Someone" definitely helped to take the weight from my shoulders at that time. We are not alone in this.

 

Wishing everyone peace in your day today. Love, Kate

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Wanda, how do we plan that day of remembrance for our son's birthday? For us, we kept it low key. I think we went out to the cemetery and then pretty much crashed out the rest of the day...I did prepare food ahead of time so there was something available to eat but mostly we just took it easy. I lit a candle at home in his remembrance area I have. I try to do things or plan to make difficult days as easy as possible....I just came across Jesse's graduation program yesterday as I was cleaning some drawers...so my heart goes out to you...

 

I think many of us explore or re-evaluate the belief system we held about the afterlife once someone that holds part of our heart is there, in my case, I have two children there so I am not casual about these matters...I read a lot of what other people who near death say, those who work with the dying or bereaved, including those from different parts of the world and also different time periods. I currently reading a woman's experience from 1380 ad . There are many stories I have read --  so many have a common theme...someone comes to get us...our loved ones are still present, we go into a spirit form not bound by physical properties of this dimension, there is a Creator in the Light, we (our spirit) is encompassed in love, a love that is so much more than here.

 

For me, these explorations may take an edge off the grief but I still am in the process most of the time of intense struggle, also at times get into a fit of extreme anger, why my son...(that phrase should be in all CAPS as that is how I feel) -- this triggers off mostly when I see an article of a criminal who gets away with living a life until he is in his 80's and then gets caught, (the most recent being another Hitler associate found I believe in New York...just totally pisses me off)....

 

Getting back on point here, one of the books I read is by Mally Cox-Chapman who explores afterlife from a wide perspective. She had an interesting quote from the Kabbalah which is an ancient mystical part of Judiasm...

 

The Kabbalah teaches that specific changes occur at the moment of death. The physical body’s energy dissolves. The transcendent part of the body, the neshamah, leaves and is greeted by the souls of others, often family members and friends, who died earlier. The Zohar, the main textbook of the Kabbalah, actually says: “For we have learned that at the hour of a man’s departure from the world, his father and his relatives gather round him, and he sees them and recognizes them … and they accompany his soul to the place where it is to abide.”4

 

And as I have shared before, there were so many synchronicities with Jesse that year of his passing that cannot be explained...in ways it gives me personal evidence to there being more, but it is a double edged sword to my soul as well...

 

If you liked Julie Assante, you may like Gloria J. Weichand who has worked with Dr. Raymond Moody as well. She is also a bereaved mom. You can find her online and she has a show on blog radio.

 

************************************

 

Kate, hope the weather straightens out for you up there....I have heard the effects of climate change are much more dramatic up north ...

 

***********************************

I am again taking a trip down to my parent's this week...hopefully to get a few more things done...

 

****************************

 

Thinking today of Gretchen, Lora, Becky, how are you all doing? I know the summer months can still get busy...

 

Carol, how is your daughter? Sherry also good to see your posts...

 

Susan, how is your trip?

 

Colleen, Debbie, Wade, Shannon, Cherry, Sandy, Jaboa's Grandma, Sailormom, Mary Ann, Gregg, Wade and Ted...wishing you peace...

 

To all those who continue to share here, thank you for sharing your stories and journey.

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hoosiermom

Hello friends,

 

Just stopping by to share a lovely poem, it is my wish for all the heavy hearts here.

 

Love and light,

 

Jenn, Brianna's momma forever

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Jesse's Mom, Thanks for sharing the topic on synchronicities. Since Kylie's lost, my beliefs has also changed.  I reflect on the timelines and seem to miss the clues from the universe.

 

April 2013, I personally printed Kylie's pictures on mugs and gave it away to my family. I think I made more or less 6 mugs with her smiling face on it. Her 5th birthday in May last year, made me thought to get her a full CT scan if she have any tumor, which I missed to do. I dismissed the idea at that time because there was no advise from her pedia and I was just thinking based on my intuition. And I was 5 months pregnant.

 

In August 2013, I gave birth to her baby brother. And she wrote, "Dear Baby brother, you know what, I'm your Ate Kylie (Ate means big sister)....

And then I tried to concoct a herbal tea from a soursop leaves which they say, anticancer. And in the hospital, she told me, she's flying in her dreams...And she told me that she don't want to see me grow old. And then, she was diagnosed with cancer.

 

And I asked God if my love for her is not enough to change whatever the plan is...I still can't find any answer...I feel like a mess...

 

Shannon, I'm so sorry that I missed Trista's birthday...

 

Thanks for being with me in this journey....

Cherry

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Jeff's Mom

Just a few pictures of the overland flooding and rising lake. The pics do not do it justice. In one pic the lake is on the wrong side of the road. They were so desperate to keep the water back that they were actually trying to push sand into piles to keep the water from flooding into the Library this afternoon. Manpower and sandbags had been dispatched to another area more critical.I also added a picture of a sign that has been placed on the side of a development not far from our place. It is  sad actually. ...as it was done before the rains hit. And another picture taken this afternoon of some wild flowers blooming alongside the road on our walk....look so peaceful and calm in the midst of the storm. 

 

Wanda...hope all is well your way. I heard on the news that it is quite bad in Regina. Hope you are ok. 

 

Gretchen...know that Forest's date is in another day. Hang on.

 

Laurie, we are fine where we are situated. We are in an older area that is on higher ground. We are approximately 100 yards from the lake. We have a lake view without the worry of being on the lake. Our neighbours that are on lakefront are now underwater in their front yard. Despite thousands of dollars of boulders that are used as reinforcement...it was no match for the fury of the lake when it started to rise today. The pics I posted are of a new development that was foolishly built on what was once a swampy area that they built up and made cannels leading to the lake. The entire area is surrounded by water tonight. The cottages start at $500,000. and up.  This happens approximately every four years and yet they still build. Apart from broken branches off of our trees and a very soggy property we are considering ourselves very fortunate.

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Jenn, what a beautiful poem, thanks so much for sharing. How have you been?

 

Cherry, it isn't that you are a mess, it is that you are a MOMMA dealing with the absolute worst kind of loss, and that is messy. There are no recipes to cleanse this and put it away, it needs to be out in front of you to pull away the parts to see and examine. Yes, hindsight, what if? There is an old saying, and it seems the opposite of what we want to believe, simply saying: We are  exactly where we are supposed to be.

It does not mean that we were meant to be punished, it means that we were given this time, however short, to be the parent of our Kids, and for reasons we just cannot fathom in this world, we have to say goodbye.

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Steve s mom

In memory of our children for the fourth of July

Was written by Christine Ross

Fireworks don't last forever

You're the one that made me sparkle,gave my eyes that happy glow

But fireworks don't last forever,is something I have come to know.

Your death started an explosion,blew my perfect world apart

There's no more fireworks in my life,because the lights gone from my heart

You had your independence day,when your soul let freedom ring

Your spirit soared like fireworks,when you left these earthly things

I never walked in darkness,not untill you left that day

Fireworks don't last forever,but for a while you lit my way

July is a month I dread ,Steve's birthday is July 17 .i don't think I can take it another year that he's not here.

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Steve s mom

Sorry I'm late responding to this topic but I believe a lot has been posted recently about synchronicity and the after life.

I'd like to tell you about something that happened this weekend

I went to the mall because weekends are always bad for me so I thought I'd get out of the house

I planned to go to the card store to get Steve's birthday card,and I am working on a floral arrangement to place that day

I just parked randomly,I also brought along a new book I was reading about grief stories ...I went in the store to walk thru to the main mall and walked right up to the men's fragrance counter that was just there ,just happens Steve's favorite colone was featured there right on front of me to smell as I walked in.

Later I went to the card store ,and cried like a crazy person ,but that was besides the point .i was looking at many birthdays cards for sons and went to pick up a random card and insted of a birthday card it was a card that said to my mom( it did not belong in that section) it said so many of the the things Steve used to write to me when he gave me mothers day or birthday cards he always wrote like a paragraph to me of his own thoughts,also this card said things like how I always do for others and need to take time to care for myself and ended with the words the love I gave to him will live forever in his heart.so I bought the card.after much crying there.

Later I went outside the mall I thought I'd sit on a bench awhile and read my book insted of going right home.i read a story about pennies from heaven and how they are gifts sent from our loved ones above,the last story I read before leaving was called free bird and was about birds but that song free bird was Steve's anthem ,and we played it at his funeral.so I started to leave to go home and I said Steve where are you why aren't you here with me and reminded him of the things we usually did every weekend together.a butterfly came flying up to me stayed around a while then left ,I got in my car started it up,and the song playing on the radio was free bird not something popular that you'd hear much.

So I believe they were signs that Steve was indeed with me on that day and was letting me know.

Sorry this post is so long but I wanted to share it.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thank you Mary Ann for sharing your story about Steve...when those types of occurences happen we hold them close to our heart...and yes, they bring tears but also show that death cannot break the ties of love...

 

Cherry, I still have a picture of your sweet little girl in my mind...in her dress...she knows that you are a wonderful mom and loved her beyond measure....sending hugs to you...

 

Dee, I never heard that saying before last week...I just pm'd you...

 

Kate, I hope you and Ross are safe where you are...how far is the lake from your house?

 

I have just arrived at my mom's house....hopefully we can get some more chores done, both with legal work and other...

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening...

 

 

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Laurie, I just pm'd you back. Thanks.

 

Kate, love the photos of your area, even under water one can see how pretty it is there. We just had a mini downpour. Lasted about 5 minutes, very heavy. Quiet again now.

 

Maryanne, never apologize for what you think may be too long a post. First of all, it is never too long, I love getting to know you and the others through these posts. Your post made me smile, Steven was all around you there, letting you know that he hears you and loves you fully. Yep, once we allow ourselves to really see,and to really listen- we realize that our Angels are nearby.

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Mermaid Tears

Am back from Port Aransas....

 

'Free Bird' was a John David song, too....

 

now when I listen...it is like he is telling me he is free....and there is nothing in my power to change him...

 

read some posts....

 

I carried each of you and your children with me...said prayers for all....

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Guest Trista's_Mom

I’m hoping I have a little time today to catch up on reading here and maybe a little time with some tea and my book today. It’s been pretty hectic around here. I’ve been dealing with the insurance company regarding my Grandma’s accident. That’s all so hard because anything like that brings me back to Trista’s accident. Gramma’s insurance company was being very underhanded in trying to deny things that should have been covered. I went above the adjuster to a supervisor and we picked up her check yesterday. One thing down. My Sis is here, of course, with her kids and we have Madison, my stepdaughter, this week so 5 kids in the house all week plus at least 3 or 4 of Zak’s friends most of the time. Some days I feel like I’m running around all day long with nothing to show for it. Well, I won’t say nothing, happy kids but a very messy house. I have enlisted the help of the older ones though and insisted they do at least a couple of chores a day. Mean Aunt…

 

Maryann,
I loved reading your post yesterday. It truly touched my heart. That was your Steve wrapping you in his love, knowing how hard a time this is for you, and wanting to let you know he’s close. I’ve had those times too, those things that go beyond any ‘coincidence’, and then there is the feeling that goes along with… we just know. I’m keeping you and Steve in my thoughts and prayers during this hard time.

 

I have a story too to share.

 

We had been talking about taking a family trip this summer. It is the first year my husband is able to be away from the business more than a couple of days at a time for an actual vacation. I had a difficult time with this. For me, there is always the thought… How can we do this without Trista? I knew it would be good for my husband and for the boys though, so we agreed to do something low key. I knew, for me, anything touristy or crowded was not the right thing right now. We decided on a secluded cabin somewhere with fishing for my husband, swimming for the boys, and peaceful places for lots of walking for me… Some place quiet where I could keep up with my meditation practice. Zak had the added wi-fi requirement and I insisted that we look at southern Ohio because I wanted to keep the trip as simple as possible without a lot of travel time. We decided to wait until the second week in July, after Trista’s Angel Day and Birthday, the Fourth, and my Birthday on the 5th. I wanted all the hard days to be over and then it could be a time to rest.

 

I half-heartedly started to look for a place in the past few weeks but I just couldn’t focus on it. After Trista’s Birthday, I knew if I didn’t start planning, it wasn’t going to happen. A couple of days after, I sat down at the computer and started to look. I had waited so long that nearly everything I looked at was booked for the summer or at least not available when we could go. I looked and looked and finally found something that was available and agreeable to everyone. I still couldn’t commit to it. I made a cup of coffee and took a little break. I walked outside and talked to Trista. I asked her… How am I supposed to do this without you? Meaning more than just the vacation… everything, this life. I was missing her so much. While we all had a small list of requirements for the trip, I knew Tris would have a ton and would be right beside me, making sure I picked the perfect spot. I went back to the computer to finalize the plans. On a whim, I typed in West Virginia. I have no idea why. We’ve never been or even talked about it and I’m the one who insisted we stay in Ohio. The first thing that came up, I just knew was the place we are supposed to go. I had that feeling that my Tris was showing me the perfect place for us. I felt her all around me in that moment. The name of the property is the Berkana.

 

I knew Berkana was a rune. Tris and I had gotten runes once to learn to read for each other. Neither of us had the patience to memorize it all but we did fumble through some readings, looking it all up in the book. It was just something fun we did. This is what I read in a review of the property:

When researching the word Berkana, I discovered it is a rune believed to have magical powers. The rune Berkana represents everything from birch trees and romance to healing and rebirth. It all seemed a little mysterious to me, but then I visited the property and I have to admit, it became much clearer. This incredible rental property is hidden on 14 acres of magical mountain property. Outside there are woods to explore and places to hike, ponds and streams to reflect by, and even a labyrinth that provides the perfect maze for contemplation and meditation.

There was also wi-fi for Zakery and lots of fishing nearby for Scott. When I looked up the travel time, it was only a little over an hour longer than we had intended to go to Southern Ohio. I looked up the meaning of Berkana in the book and this is what it said:

 

Berkana (also "Berkano") represents the universal idea of the Goddess and the powerful bond between mother and child. A powerful sense of nurturing, protection, support and creation are indicated by this rune. All of the feminine mysteries are contained in Berkana.

 

Tris loves anything Goddess related. The symbolism and the way it all happened, I just know. This was in answer to my question. The other thing was the labyrinth. I have never walked a labyrinth but we talked about them in a meditation class I took, and I was really interested because walking is like a form of meditation for me. I’ve even looked some up recently that I’d like to visit but my PTSD keeps me from traveling too far. Trista guided us to a place that will be perfect for all of us and I know we will feel her with us on this trip.

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SHANNON, I absolutely love the story of your plan to visit the land in West Virgina. I would say that you have allowed your heart and spirit open, and she is there helping lead you to a more peaceful time. I love your story.

 

Susan, so glad that you are back. Tell us about your trip.

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Jeff's Mom

Shannon, your upcoming holiday sounds just perfect. It sounds like the ideal place to take your family for a relaxing vacation. You need this time away with your husband and boys to begin your new life. Trista will always be with you...but your life continues and the family need you.

 

Susan, hope your week away was a restful one.  Ross and I had lunch twice in Port Aransas at an outdoor café facing the water....it was wonderful. We were staying in Corpus at the time and took a couple of day trips. It was such a great spot to go for some peace and relaxation. We also stopped at a bird sanctuary not far from there. We never did make it to South Padre Island. Is that where the kids go for spring break? I remember a causeway leading from the north end of downtown Corpus by the aircraft carrier leading to Padre Island and Port A.

 

Dee, how are you? Have you had a chance to take any of your long bike rides? How does your back hold up when you are on the go?

 

Gretchen, thinking of you tomorrow as you celebrate the life of your special son. I know Forest will surround you with his lively and youthful spirit. Holding you close!

 

Steve's Mom...I see another birthday fast approaching and can understand your sadness. Jeff's "was"( the first time I have said that)  July 16th. There are others that are also facing another birthday coming up. How we acknowledge it is an individual choice. As individual as we all are. Just know that we are here and you are not alone.  Hang in there. I agree with your post.

 

It finally turned out to be  a lovely day. The sun shone for most of it and we just returned from a short but relaxing walk. We decided to drive to an area not too far from here that is on much higher and drier ground. The ditches were full to capacity but the road was dry. The air was filled with such a sweet perfume. A mixture of wild roses, clover and some form of wild grass that was in bloom with tiny little yellow flowers. They were quite tall and swayed in the slight breeze as we headed along down the road. Above a couple of eagles circled and were watchful of us as we continued along. Living in the country is balm to my weary soul.

 

Sending warm wishes to all for a peaceful evening. Kate

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Mermaid Tears

I am pressed for time...now....later will post about Port Aransas...

 

Shannon....I know how hard it is to plan 'anything' without our child...

the only thing that pushes me forward is that I must make the time...make the memories....keep traditions...for the others to have something to hold on to.....as we all hold hands and walk into the future....

 

I wrote our Angels name in the sand....

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Kate, I took an 8.5 mile ride yesterday, just through town during the low traffic time of day; between 10:00-2:00. I went for about an hour but the wind was strong so I had to pedal a bit harder and use my back more. My back is, knock on wood, doing okay without the chiropractor this time. I never ride for more than an hour anymore without getting off to walk and stretch my back or just being done after an hour. If I go to a bike path, I generally will ride longer but this year due to all of the rain, I have not yet done that. The bike paths nearby are through the woods and that is a mosquito farm right now with the rain, and the other is the Prairie Path which has some low spots that cuts through towns that flood readily. It has rained so much that all of the backyard plants in all of their beauty, have rust mildew on the leaves. Darn. Oh well, we certainly haven't control on the weather.

 

Be careful on the east coast this weekend folks with the first of the season's hurricanes.

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Jeff's Mom

FOREST.... Surround your family with your love and exuberant spirit! Gretchen...sending wishes for a peaceful day.                                                  

 

                                                         

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Forest - Forest - Forest

 

I hope that there is a HUGE party going on your new place beyond the clouds. Music and dancing and laughter. Your birthday will always be a holy kind of day for Mom, that communion of your lives and that will always be.

 

Gretchen I am going to play some Rusted Root Videos today as that music and the singer remind me of your Sweet Forest.

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Gretchen,
I'm thinking of you today and wish for you to feel the love of Forest all around you. 
 
Forest,
Surround your Mom and family in your beautiful amazing energy. Let her feel your presence and know you are close.

post-328114-0-34177000-1404399264_thumb.

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Mermaid Tears

post-306805-0-91925300-1404420839_thumb.

 

 

 

 

 

Gretchen....many on this site are thinking of you and yours today....and we know many are around you today to give you a hug....a strong hand to hold....and stand by you in spirit....

    I know the Mother/Father of the Universe is sending you the gift of Grace...

We know there isn't an easy way to get by this day....

but we can only hope you are sustained in that you are 'never alone' ....

We do weep with you....

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Forest, Forest, Forest

We say your name loud and clear.

Gretchen, hugs to you and your family.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Mermaid Tears

Today....you have been gone 23 months John David....

how can that be ?

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Shannon

I love, love the story.

I do believe you were guided there.

Please also know, you will not be traveling without Trista. Trista will be with you, always.

I am so happy for you and your family on this trip.

If you can, please keep us posted

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Yikes.....behind again. :( 

 

 

Shannon-----

Your planned trip to WVA sounds so very nice and peaceful.  I agree

that places with lots of noise, crowds, excitement would not be the place

for your family at this time.  It will be a sanctuary for everyone, and so

restorative for your souls. Trista Mae will be with you, and her spirit will

be right there in your hearts. Peace to you all.

 

Susan----I do know what you mean about it being 23 months since John David

passed, and ......."how can this be???".... I know your heart is heavy.

The 2 year mark is very painful & difficult, as the shock of the loss is most likely

passed, and reality cuts like a knife.......I'm sorry.  Keep coming here to BI.....everyone knows the

rough, ups & downs on this journey.  We're with you, Susan.  Peace & comfort.

 

Stevesmom-----Sending thoughts & prayers in this painful time, with Steve's

birthday just around the corner.  Hang on, friend.....we're here.

 

 

HAPPY   HEAVENLY  BIRTHDAY..........FOREST.

 

Thinking of you, Gretchen, and wishing you peace.

 

 

Cherry----

This is a rough time for you, I know.  May your memories of Kylie

enter into your soul to warm & comfort you.

 

Jenn-----Brianna's mom......Thanks for posting the lovely poem.

 

Wanda-----I agree----one's belief in the afterlife is a comfort to all who have lost

their children and other loved ones.  It's what we hold onto along this journey.

 

Dee----I hope that your wild weather has settled down.  I picked black raspberries

today.  We have a small patch near the grape arbor, and this is the first year that

they have had many berries.  We've been picking some each day, and saving them

in the freezer until we have enough for a pie. :)   I think we have enough now.

(have to be fast at getting them, due to birds and critters who also love berries! :huh:

 

WISHING   PEACE,   COMFORT,   AND   A  RESTFUL   NIGHT.....  WITH PLEASANT  DREAMS....  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

 

 

 

   

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Mermaid Tears

Thank you, Sherry.....

   Thanks to this site....and all the ones that felt in their heart to stay on to lead us...

the 'new ones' on this grief journey....to be a little ahead on this path...to throw us a light...a hand wave...

that we can...we can....move forward....

 

I think every cell in my body is emotional....over the top....maybe it is the time....but ...I did have Jeremy with me for a while...the trip to Port Aransas was wonderful...thankfully...all safe getting there...and getting back home...

 

Jeremy and his special girl came....and now they are back in Oregon...post-306805-0-17115500-1404435964_thumb.

 

 

and here is the photo of Hunter Bear and Daniel with their catch of Red Snapper from a Deep Sea Fishing trip....

 

I know John David is saying...'Mom...you did good...to make sure Hunter Bear went fishing'.....

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Susan, Hunter and Daniel look very happy to be together holding the catch of the day. Did you all eat that snapper? Great photo and sounds like a very good time. I know it is hard for Jeremy to be so far from you all, but how wonderful that he came and brought his girl.

And yes, a month out from your Dates will have an affect on you of course. Our internal calendar begins the count down. Hang on.

 

I was struck today by some heavy heart time, realizing that it was 11 years ago that we last had dinner with Erica. She was coming into town to hang with her oldest buddies and was going to go downtown to see the fireworks, (two shows, the 3rd, and the 4th). So we had dinner here and she was excited by all the joys in her life at that time. Eleven years ago. So I felt sad today and in that surreal place of how could it possibly be 11?

I also was lucky enough to hang out with Ericagrandgirl today, which is always such a huge treat. I spent some time with my Son, and while he did some work at home, Grandgirl and I went to the park. Oh boy she brings so much to my life. She just does.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Gretchen,

 

Thinking of you today and sending prayers....

 

Happy Heavenly Birthday Forest...may your mom feel you close to her today as she remembers the sweet day of your birth....

 

For you...

 

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mikesmomrs

GRETCHEN...Thinking of you today...sending wishes for comfort and soft memories to give you strength...

FOREST...A WONDERFUL HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY....I hope you were able to take a moment to surround your mom with your sweet spirit, to whisper in her ear of your watching over her.

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mikesmomrs

Have not posted in a while, but have been reading when I can, and as usual, keeping you all in my prayers. 

Kim left here on June 11, and I have been pretty much nonstop since.  Chandler and Kameron graduated high school in the same weekend.  "Bittersweet" has not held such meaning as it did for those two days!  Mike wanted SO much to be here for their graduation, as well as their "growing up."  I know that he was with them, he is always with them.  It seems as though time rides on a rocket...how can they be out of high school already?  They aren't sure yet what they are going to do...,Chandler was originally headed for the Navy, but says he is thinking about waiting a year.  Kameron is just "thinking."  Damon switches school to secondary elementary in September, 3rd grade, and will be his first time riding the bus.  I don't like school buses, the atmosphere is not always something you would want your child in, and sometimes there can be trouble, especially when older kids ride with the younger ones.  I guess I will have to do some heavy-duty praying...  Gosh, DEE, I hope he lands a teacher like yourself. 

 

It would take me a long time to "catch up," so I am going to begin anew.  Except for a few readings I particularly remember:

 SHANNON,  the story of your finding where to go for vacation...so very, very heaven/Trista sent.  Oh my, I can still feel the goosebumps from reading it.  Thank  you so much for sharing. 

 

I know some of you have been experiencing some pretty wild weather...I do hope everyone stays safe.  It does seem to be a rather wild summer, weather-wise.  It has been really hot and dry here with a couple of days of humidity, and tonight we are having some pretty loud and bright thunderstorms.  Poor Lucy needs to go out, but I know the thunder and lightening will scare her, so I hope it lets up soon, even for a while. 

 

KATE:  So good to hear that Ross is doing better.  It is nice to be able to get out and about in this nice weather...I saw your pictures you posted of Jeff's area, and it is just beautiful.  Was that Ross down by the water?  And was that where you found the bucket of water that day that it seemed the younger people must have left? 

 

DEE:  I know you are having some truly reflective days right now, and I am glad you've been able to get out and do some bike riding, as well as to spend time with your sweet little grandie.  As you travel through the days of this month, I know that her presence in your life will be even more comfort to you than usual.  Sorry to read that much of your garden (John's garden?) is under water...hopefully it will recede enough for the flowers to come back in a while. 

 

LEAH:  So good to see your post and read of some updates.  Thinking of you.

 

Mike's youngest, Damon, is leaving tomorrow with his mom and other grandmom to travel to upstate New York for vacation.  She really deserves to get away for a bit, and they are visiting family, so they will be pampered, which is great.  He is still such a great, sweet kid...love having him around.  When they get back, we will be into "summer mode," where he has camp adventures 3 days a week and I will have him for one or both of the other week days.  Can't wait.

 

Some news...Davis has moved out.  (at my request.)  Things weren't going well, and it had to come to that, sadly.  He still comes over sometimes for supper, or to watch tv, etc., but he is now living with some friends.  It broke my heart to tell him to leave, but it had to be.  Unfortunately, he hasn't made it easy since, but I keep trying to establish boundaries.  It was a little easier, when Kim was here, because she helped me a lot with strength.  After she left, Kameron started staying with me, as he was having a horrendous time with his mom's family.  He has lived with his other grandparents all of his life, but his grandmother left a couple of years ago, and since then his grandfather has changed drastically, including letting a new girlfriend and her non-working adult children and their children move in and basically take over.  Kameron and his mom finally left.  His mom is staying with her sister, pending finding an apartment, and Kam originally went to stay with Cathi (Mike's older sister) but is now staying here, with visits to Cathi's.  He and Jamie (Cathi's youngest) have been best friends all their life and spend a lot of time together in the summer, so he stays over there for a couple of days a week, and sometimes Jamie comes here for a day or two.  Kam is leaving the end of this month to spend August with his grandmother (the one who left) who now lives in Virginia. 

 

Kim is doing better...went to her regular doctor this week and he said that while the wound is deep, it is healing and she is doing fine with everything else.  She also has just this week started working, which pleases her greatly.  She got a job where she worked before she had the girls...Kroger's supermarket.  She really liked it and as she is very social and sweet to people, I know she will do well.  Her goal is to assist with teaching kindergarten in the elementary school the girls went to, but she has to take some classes to finish and be qualified.  She intends to try that this fall.  She did teacher's assistance as part of her FHA classes in high school and she was very good at it.  Rachel is going again this summer to College of William and Mary for their summer science camp; a two week adventure that she attended last year, staying in their dorms.  The class was involved in building a Lego robot, and this year it will be more into astronomy.  Rebekah will be a senior and only has three classes.. they are all AP classes, so she is looking forward to them.  She is planning on going into the Navy so that she can then go to college to become a police officer in Boston eventually. (I have no idea where that plan came from, but  I pray she holds onto that dream.)  If her strength and determination are any factors in it, it will come true.  Same with Rachel...she is planning on the Army, and is striving for West Point.  She is working hard for scholarship offers and has a good head start.  William and Mary asked her to take SAT's last spring, (she's only 13!) and she did very well on them.  Perhaps they are "grooming her?"  Wouldn't that be wonderful?  They've had such a hard time since the horrific incident with their dad, and it's been a rough ride for them since.  I would love to see them follow their dreams.   

 

I have been spending more time this summer in the garden.  I didn't do anything the year hubby was sick, and the following year, there was only enough will/strength to do some, so he would know I was at least trying.  So, this year, I've done more, and it does look nice.  I love having flowers around, and am trying to get more perennials in so I don't have to work so hard getting annuals in.  I did get a peony in last month, and it did well.  Also finally got some morning glories in, as I just love them.  Have them on a trellis in front of the house, and they are about 3 feet high now.  (I know they are not perennials, but I do love them.) 

I will post some pictures of the boys' graduation, as well as some from my garden...though the garden ones are from a couple of weeks ago, and there has been some growing since....The last pic, of the yard, is of the area where I am creating the garden for Mike and his dad.  I don't have all the heart-shaped rocks that we've found over time in there yet...need to decide how to place them.  There is one plant towards the back that is a hibiscus, not bloomed yet, but many buds are on it. 

Oh, and one last picture, taken today...a phone call, came in today, showing our own home phone number as the calling number, and you can see who it says it's from.  Now, our home phone is still listed in hubby's name, but I know that if I called myself on this phone, I would just get a busy signal.  This is the second time this has happened...just rings, his name and the date show up, and I hold that connection in my heart, with all the others.  Sweet.

 

Thinking of all of you...and your sweet angels...Sherry, DAVID & LISA; SUSAN, JOHN DAVID; LAURIE, JESSE DAVID; MARY ANN, STEVE; WADE, BROOKS; (hope you are enjoying Alaska) LORA, CARA; KATE, JEFF; DEBBIE, SAM; JENN, BRIANNA; WANDA, LANE; SANDY, SARAH; CHERRY, KYLIE; TED,M NICK;  and any others I've not mentioned...always in my prayers.

 

PS:  Just to mention, those of us "Indigos" who are on FB have been discussing the possibility of a gathering/reunion in 2015.  Boy, wouldn't that be great!!!  Don't know how many of you would be interested or able, but we sure would like to have a "meet and greet" that would be just wonderful! 

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Jeff's Mom

HAPPY JULY FOURTH!

 

Susan, that picture of the boys should be framed! They look really proud of their catch! I am so pleased that your time away was a good one.

 

Carol, so nice to hear from you. I was particularly pleased to see that Kim is back on the mend. I know how worrisome it was for you not all that long ago. I have to say that your gardens look so beautiful. It is obvious that you have been out and hard at work. Yes, that was Ross carrying the pail down on the beach. It is a bit of a hike up the cliff. But it is our only source of water apart from rain. I have tied a few times but I just don't have the strength to lift that pail up myself. We place the pail behind some trees in the woods when we are done.

 

Dee, I hope that you are able to be with your precious baby doll today. With any luck you will also be able to get a lovely walk or nice bike ride in as well. Yes, one can't help but reflect on those dates as they approach. It is difficult to grasp the reality that time can pass so quickly. I was just saying to Ross that it seems like only last year that we lost Jeff. Thank heaven for our memories. Eri always looked from her pictures as if she was a young woman that was filled with passion for life. Enjoy your day!

 

Laurie, are you still visiting your Mom? I hope that today will be a nice one and you are able to reflect on some treasured times with Jesse.

 

Debbie, where are you these days? Still in NY? When do you have the chance to meet with your friends? Let us know how it goes.

 

Lora, Gretchen, Leah, Steve's Mom, Jenn, Colleen, Betty, Wade, Ted, Greg, Surreal... the Mods, everyone on the site from the States... Have a good holiday!

 

Shannon, have a terrific time with your family. Enjoy your time away and relax...as I imagine that after having a house full of family you will be craving some "me" time!

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Mermaid Tears

Thank you, Kate....yes....the photo will be framed....and passed around to many...

 

Dee....I so understand....John David with me on the 4th in 2010...2011....2012 we took Aaron and family to Port Aransas...and the 4th of July is Aaron's birthday.....last 4th...I have no memory....

  but...it makes my heart happy that you have that 'small little hand' to hold on to...I know how it heals our sorrow...

 

Shannon.....West Virginia..Mountain Mama

                    Take me home..

                     Country Road...

that came to me while reading your story....isn't it funny......how we think we are making plans..and then to realize....we are being led....

 

Carol.....your 'digging in the dirt' has brought forth Nature's bounty.....thanks for sharing the family photos...

 

My Golden Girl....Miss Pat....will be taken off the ventilator....soon.....and when that happens....she will only live a couple of hours.....it has been stressful....she asked me to be her Advocate in the Brenham hospital....she was moved to the hospital in College Station.....then to the hospital in Temple.......even on the trip to Port Aransas....I had Dr.'s calling me for consent for a procedure.....in Port Aransas....the service was not good.....finally found a place in the back bedroom that I could use...

   and on Saturday night....the Dr. called...around 11 at night....to tell me that he would need to go to her children and family ...for it was getting so critical....that they would have to ask her children...and then if they did not want to make a decision for her welfare...then they would go to her siblings....I gave him all the info.....and he said if none wanted to decide for her welfare...then they would ask me....her son's did not call me one time....I did talk to her sister before we left...anyway.....her son's and sister went to Temple yesterday.....now...today...one son is coming here....I have her mail...have been taking care of plants....I cleaned the refrigerator of some things yesterday....

    I know this has added to my grief....I called the son that was coming today to let him know I would do all in my power to help them at this very sad time....that will be the last thing I can do for Miss Pat.....I know they will need me here in Brenham...and she would want me to make everything as easy for her family as I can....and I will....she was one of those

'Classic' ladies....she was one person I could really talk 'books' with.....I don't find that many...she was so very happy at my apartments....loved living in Brenham...

 

I am over the top....overwhelmed with emotion.....I guess I didn't figure on the sheer force of memory hitting me so hard in Port Aransas.....it really took the wind out of me....it drained every bit of energy/healing from me....it is almost like being physically sick....post-306805-0-80685100-1404488125_thumb.

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Jeff's Mom

Oh Susan, so much stress at this time. I'm sure visiting Port A opened a floodgate of memories. While it was lovely to be with family one can't help but be overcome with emotion at the memories of times past. I am so sorry to hear about your dear friend. A very difficult position for you to be placed in. She obviously thought very highly of you to have asked you to be her advocate. You have obviously proven yourself to be a loyal and caring friend. I hope that she will pass quickly. You know it was into the second year that Jeff's death really impacted me the most. The first year I was in far too much shock. It is in many ways like an onion slowly peeling away the skin. The newness has now worn off and the hard reality is hitting you in the face. I am glad that you have the support and love of such a great family. Helping each other to work through those ups and downs must be very comforting for you. Yet, there is that need as a Mom to take that step back for privacy and absorb what has happened. Hang on...you are a very strong person and you will slowly find sunshine again in your life. This is a really difficult process. Grieving is not for the faint of heart. It takes a ton of courage to get back up and keep going.  

 

Memories can be comforting and still heartbreaking at the same time. I remember not long ago sitting in the car while my husband went into a shop to pick up something. For whatever reason I had a flashback to Jeff and a particular event that happened years before. it just came out of the blue. It hit me like a bolt of lightening. I was filled with so much pain when I knew he was gone that I could not breathe. It does get easier in time. But in all honesty...it will never completely go away. 

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Gretchen,

I'm so sorry I missed Forests Heavenly Birthday. HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY. FOREST!!!!

HOPING YOU FOUND SOME PEACE. THINKING OF YOU BOTH LOTS LATELY.

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Carol, the news is so sweet about Kim, and Kim's girls doing so well chasing their dreams, and the graduations. Oh my. The gardens look beautiful,, I know the Mikes are smiling upon your green thumb, the ability you have to bring calm and joy to the places and people that they love. You are their hero Carol.

 

Yep Kate, Carol, Susan, All, the memories and tears are just a fact of life when one loses a Child. I have been writing a good deal about how I am feeling. Husband is such a great listener and able to give me the space I need each July. I took a nice 3.5 walk today just needing to talk with Sisters and niece...a way to touch base with those that new Eri her whole life. Cathartic.

 

Sherry, a blackberry pie sounds delicious. WIll you be seeing anyone today for the 4th? We are just the two of us today, John doing yard work and I am meandering through the day.

 

I am thinking of Becky, anyone hear from her? What about Ted?

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Susan,

You are on my heart and in my thoughts and prayers. You have so much to deal with right now. I just got back on and haven't had tome to catch up but a little bit. Hubby will be going to sleep soon so I can catch up. A little peace and quiet. Spent the last week in Brooklyn and New Jersey. Glad to be close to home.

More in a bit.

Debbie

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Hi Debbie, I am glad that you are closer to home now. How have you been?

 

Susan, may that lovely Golden Girl find her way to the Great and Wondrous Heavenly Home. She has been so lucky to have you in her life and you, her.

I imagine that your contact with her family has put her mind to rest knowing that you are taking care of things. It is a lot to take care of Susan, so make sure that you stop in between obligations and take a long drink of water and shut your eyes for a peaceful moment.

 

Betsy, are you okay?

Leah?

Brenda from the old days?

Bonnie?

Marcia?

Trudi?

Karen from the old days?

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Mermaid Tears

Thanks to all my friends here.....yes....my Golden Girl is ready....I met her son from Houston at the apt. to let him in...the son that lives in San Antonio has a key...he was not here, yet.....we had a good talk....or rather....I let him have a good talk...he is overwhelmed...and quite off balance with the timing of it all.....he said he just didn't know how sick she was....I assured him that she didn't really know either....this is no time for judgement or hindsight...

 

and Daniel and I are 'home' ...just the two of us....I just could not face any crowds today....or even a backyard party....

 

Debbie...I hope you will 'wing' your way home soon....

 

At Port 'A'....it was like walking into rooms with invisible walls....and each room contained a 'memory'....a place and time....and Kate....I so understand...it takes a 'phrase..song..smell...photo..word..landscape..'.....to open a portal to a memory that was buried....here lately....they are coming more frequently...and it is like getting a 'hit or jolt'....and I have to hang on with both hands...

 

Dee....I am taking your advice...I reminded myself when I read your post to 'self care'...I have always been such a Summer Girl....and when I was at Port 'A'...I thought....the beach is not mine anymore...I will have to fashion and form another theme for summer so I can walk in it again...thinking of you and your Eri girl...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

 Eleven years ago. So I felt sad today and in that surreal place of how could it possibly be 11?

 

 

Dee, as I read those words in your post I too felt sad with you...I noticed with my mom's dealing with my sister's death (Julie), that it definitely has a sharper, deeper pain than any other death she has had -- her mom and dad's passing or siblings -- there is a much deeper sense of injustice, of innocence being gone, and of senselessness...there are times when I see her struggling a bit harder, she is very quiet about it all...but I still notice...I also see that Erica passed about two months after my sister (her date, May 16, 2003)...I am thinking of you as head towards that day...

 

Susan, I loved the attachment you added...just spoke to my heart today....you are a wonderful, wonderful friend...understand how this situation could take the wind out of your sails, prayers being said for your friend to have a passing that is quiet and for her to be held in God's love as she transitions to her home)...

 

Kate, thanks for asking about me, yes, I am at my mom's house. I tried to get a few more legal things done on my dad's behalf and he just started resisting and getting upset...had to figure out another workaround...I think he is just overloaded from what happened in the month of May...since I worked in a nursing home for a while, I have seen this behavior before, it is hard sometimes for them...

 

I don't know if I mentioned how pretty the last pictures were that you posted of Jeff's bench, the water in the lake looks so crystal clear...very nice...

 

Debbie, wishing you a peaceful day...hopefully you can post later....

 

Lora, how are you doing? Was thinking about your brother....is he healed up?

 

Cherry, thinking of you today...

 

Carol, it was good to hear a positive update about your daughter Kim, continued prayers for healing. And I loved the phone call...thank you for sharing....

 

Will post more later...

 

Susan, I have always loved the song Country Roads by John Denver...

 

Posting John Denver's song...on :33 is a two track road through some woods, reminds me of the days Jesse and I would explore the county forest that he so loved....

 

 

Shannon, hoping your vacation is restful...

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Thanks Laurie, I guess I thought that you lost your Sister longer ago, don't know why I was thinking that.

 

A poem inspired by waves and posted today in response to your post Susan. I wrote this last summer while on the beach in Michigan.

 

Organic shapes are drawn in the sand-

thin lines weaving fine marks on the shore, like ancient Japanese ink drawings

only to be redrawn with each new entry-

erasing but never eliminating what was here.

a wave or two ago,

or two million waves ago-

what was here is always here-

wave after wave-

life after life-

it all occurs withing the timing of the universe.

Day after night-

calm after storm-

death after life.

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tobyfreefoot

thank you all soo much for your lovely thoughts.  it means so much to me to get your messages, knowing how deeply you understand.   you make me feel like you know him and miss him too. what a wonderful group of people you are.  i am in major physical pain today, back and neck so i am recuperating but will post some pics later from a very successful get together for forest. (on the 8th and 22nd i am having radio frequency ablation to burn the nerves out of my neck) love to you all, wishing you a safe 4th and some moments of peace and light today.

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Gretchen, we do love your Boy. He smiles out at us and we watch him laugh as he runs in the snow. We get to know him through your heart.

Ouch on the neck nerves. I sure hope that it alleviates the pain you have had on and off for these years that I know you. I look forward to the photos depicting your gathering but I am glad that you will wait until you are feeling more up for it. Rest.

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I had a nice long post and lost it.

:(. Anyway, thanks to everyone who has asked about me. It has been very hectic.

Kate, We spent the last week in New York City and up and down New Jersey. My husband used to do a dedicated daily route into Long Island, Staten Island and Brooklyn, but it really wore on him day in and day out so we switched companies a couple of years ago and this was our first time back. I try to alleviate as much stress as possible by navigating and doing what I can. There are so many low bridges and places that big trucks can't go. I never would have imagined before I started riding with him. I'm grateful that he is super careful.

I am sorry if I don't respond individually. I have missed you all and think of everyone here and our angels. I have looked at the new pictures. Susan, Carol....thanks for sharing.

Dee, Thinking of you and Erica as her angel date approaches.

Laurie thank you for the song. I always think of it when we are in West Virginia. I know Jesse David would love the woods there.

Shannon,

Your Trista is not giving up on that bond the two if you share. I hope you have a wonderful trip and get some well deserved rest.

Maryann,

Thank you for the story. I so need to hear those things. I read it right before I talked to my daughter today.

My 12 year old grandson has started going down a bad path Since Sam's death. I don't think that is what caused it but it didn't help. He spent some time with his father last summer and that's when it started. His father is in and out of his life. He's mean and just not a nice person, but as he has gotten older out has been hard in my daughter trying to raise him. Anyway, He has been in trouble at school and his grades have dropped. I've been very concerned about him. We have all tried to intervene but to no avail. A couple of weeks ago, He sent me a text message telling me that he kept seeing Sam's face, smiling at him. We talked about how much Sam loved him and what a good person Sam was and I told him that I thought Sam was watching over him. Since then he's had a few instances of not telling his mother where he was going and back talking her, but seemed to be doing a little better. Today, My daughter called me and said that Sam came to him last night, floating, smiling, he told him that he needed to be good. That he loved him and is watching. She said that they had a wonderful talk and he seems committed to doing better for Sam. When I read Maryann's story, I thought of little Alonzo and my Sam.

I too seem to be flooded with memories today. I think that I stay busy because the thought of all the unanswered questions, the empty loss that I feel over my Sam and the guilt of not being able to find justice is too much most of the time. My husband says I'm selfish and won't let go. Maybe he's right I don't want to let go. I hope that when we meet with the grief counselor and his wife next week it will help. I am praying that my husband will gain some understanding. It is my last ditch effort to save my marriage and myself.

Thank you for being here. I'm sorry I know I have left some friends out but I do think of you all everyday.

Sam. ....missing you today. You should be playing horseshoes and setting off fireworks with your nieces and nephews. I sure do love you.

Debbie

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Mermaid Tears

Dee....your poem...and where I was at Port Aransas....and 'where' I am now.....is 'right on' the spot....thank you....I have copied all your poems....Tangible Things....and all the others....speak to me....and I know they 'speak' to other parents...and just the other day I was thinking....why would 11 years make any difference than 2 years...??

I think (for me)...I have to accept that I am changed...and I will not go back to where I use to be...

I think...(in some twisted way)...I would become 'Susan' again....I do 'miss me' ...the way I use to be...

 

we have to go through that deep valley....no matter what direction we come from....are where we are on the map....

 

Laurie.....thank you for posting that song....you are our 'SongBird'....that was the name of a novel by Willa Cather...when Randa was very young...and before the seat belt laws.....we were in the car...and she was standing beside me...the song came on the radio....and she sang every word to that song....I was amazed that she knew every word....

   it remains one of my very...very ...favorite....'a feeling that I should have been home yesterday'....

Of course your Mom struggles...just as you do....and we do...and all we can do is stand by...be close...give care and consideration....

     Once again....you are at the right spot...at the right time....I copied your list...took it to the beach...and wrote all the 'Angel's names' in the sand close to the surf....just by myself.....

 

Debbie....just take it all one day at a time....and after all that you have told me about your Sam....I can 'see' that he would hover over a loved one that was in trouble....

   and really....none of us have let our children down....it is just a knee jerk reaction from a parent...that feels as if they could have done something to prevent them leaving...

  which...is not true....for we simply don't have that kind of power....just a Super Human Love for our child...

 

I am exhausted....not the crawling on the floor kind....just in the spirit kind....post-306805-0-55683600-1404520052_thumb.

 

My Boys of Summer...2010...Port Aransas....July 4th

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Mermaid Tears

Gretchen...I do hope you get some relief from your pain with the procedure.....

and I think we all know 'our children'...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Susan, thank you for writing our children's name in the sand on that beautiful beach, and I think of how their names were gently washed into the warm sea waters as a remembrance......I love the pattern on the beach shorts that John David is wearing...it reminds me of what Jesse would have picked...

 

I thought Dee's choice of poem was so fitting today as well...

 

Debbie, thank you for sharing the encouragement that Sam is giving his young nephew...sending prayers that he will find healing in these words....

 

Gretchen, sending healing prayers your way...and caring thoughts...

 

I have been reading some of the posts here to my mom today...it seems like it is helpful to her....

 

 

 

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Thanks Laurie and Susan, glad that the poem fit the mood today.

 

Debbie, I simply will not buy that it is a selfish behavior to not let it go and I need you to understand that this is not selfish, this is grief. How would one let it go? We learn to live with our grief, not let it go. It is a daily fact in our lives and we find ways to integrate our loss, but that takes time...not because we are selfish, but because we are humans. We are parents. I am holding your hand.

 

Wanda, how are you?

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