Loss of an Adult Child

[Mermaid Tears]

of course...Lora....we did die with our child....that person that we were....of course...I know what you speak of and post...of course....I know....I, too, am restless...cannot rest...will not rest....of course...

[wgreenlee]

Shannon...

The video was beautiful...the song so close to all of us...and the memories you share of Trista are close to my own heart...  The tilt of her head like Brooks...the big smile...the friendships she had with close friends...the love of her family...all are now sewn into my own soul and I thank you.

 

Sometimes I come to share my grief with all of you just to get through the day, but I find myself coming more to this site now to share your children...to feel that connection and let you know more than ever you aren't alone.  I know your pain, but I also know your love.  I cherish the memories of your precious angels like my own.  The absolute, unconditional, amazing love that I feel here is beyond what I can say in words.  I think that bond is healing me...slowly, but steadily.  The picture of Trista without her braces...that huge smile...her face painted like a tiger with Aiden...dance...messing around with friends.  Makes me think of Brooks and his memories...some of which are buried deep within me...to come rushing back to the surface of my heart and fill me.  Thank you for "helping" me by sharing your wonderful, beautiful, talented, funny, loving, and remembered...

Trista.

 

 

 

Lora...

A big hug to you...  I wish I could ease some of that heartache.  Like you, I am not the same person and never will be.  Here is a poem I found that seems to sum it up, and I hope it says to you the same thing it says to me...I am who I am now and that's ok...I am different than I was before and that's ok...I will never be the same person again and that's ok...I will never be over "it" and that's ok...I cry and that's ok.

I’ve got a picture of you tucked away
And whenever I miss you
When I need to see your face
I pull out your photograph
And I take a trip down memory lane

It doesn’t take long
For my heart to reminisce
And I cry, but I try to smile
But it’s you that I miss
And nothing or no one else is worth my while

So, I cry

 

I crawl into bed where you used to sleep
And I rest my head on the pillow
Where yours used to be
I close my eyes and imagine you there
Lying next to me
Gazing into my loving stare

 

It doesn’t take long
For the memories to come back to me
And I cry, though I try not to
But it’s you that I need
No space or time will change this simple truth
So, I cry

 

I tell myself to be strong
To finally let go
It’s time for me to move on
To say one last goodbye
And I Cry

 

My friendship and love to you, Lora, and a remembrance of your beautiful daughter, Cara.

 

 

Laurie...

"...I want to say so much to all those who have posted recently...so many concerns, thoughts, prayers that are needed, I think of my fellow pilgrims here who seek to honor their loved ones in the way they are called to..."

 

It doesn't matter how many words, but what is behind them...and you say so much that gives me comfort.  Jesse's life is a testament all that you say.  Thank you!

 

 

Debbie...

Sometimes smiles are so hard to come by... I will tell you that your memories of Sam bring tears to my eyes as well, but also smiles.  He is loved and remembered.

 

 

Shelly...

I am so sorry...sometimes grief just doesn't hold off.  Brooks battled addictions and heroin was a temporary one for him.  He finally won that battle so I am thankful that your young nephew seems to be doing ok.  He will need extra help and monitoring with the death of his brother.  Hopefully he has a strong sponsor who will need to be there for him, now more than ever.  I will be thinking and lifting up prayers to your and your family.

 

Susan, Dee, Kate, Karen, Gretchen, Colleen, Cherry, Wanda, Ted, Sherry, Maryann, Sandy...

 

I say the name of your child with a longing in my soul to have known them better, but a smile on my face that I can share their memories now with you.

 

John David...Eri...Jeff...Geoff...Forest...Brian...Kylie...Lane...Nick...David...Lisa...Steve...Sarah

 

 

Love to all...

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

more than the sobbing....I , too, have these lazy tears that crawl down my face....

[Sholl1955]

Wishing all a good Tuesday.   Looks like we will have sunshine today in Indiana.  Hope your day holds promises of spring also.

Sandy.

[MissKylie]

Thanks Wade for including Kylie's picture...

 

Today it's been 90 days since God took her home. Also 90 days of wishing her lost didn't really happen.

 

So beautiful..all the pictures of our children...Thank you so much ...

 

 

 

Brooks, you will always be remembered...And you must be proud to have Wade as your Dad who loves you so much and lives with courage and your beautiful memories

 

 

 

Prayers and love to all...

 

Kylie's mommy- Mommy Cherry

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you Wade, for being you! You have a very kind and understanding way about you. I agree that we form a bond of a very special kind on this site. Thanks for including Jeff in your pictures.

 

Holding everyone close today. I agree with Sandy...I hope that spring will refresh our hearts and give us the encouragement and strength to move forward. Peace to all on this sunny day. Kate   

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade....thank you for gathering our children...and placing them in a circle of love....bringing them together....on our site...

hoping they are together in their own circle of light..

[Steve s mom]

Hope everyone is doing well.

[Mermaid Tears]

Steve's Mom....

  thanks for sharing....

  those 'memories' are sliding slow down my face....

  a 'light up your heart' message...

[Mermaid Tears]

[ericasmom]

What a busy busy day with Third Grade Kids.

Thanks Wade, so so nice of you to name the kids and feature the photos. Gave my heart a lift for sure.

Sandy and Maryanne, so nice to see you both today. Sandy, I do hope that the weather is turning some for you. We had 62 yesterday but windy and much cooler today, wet.

[wgreenlee]

All of our Angels!!!

 

 

[Guest]

..

[shorty16]

Thanks Wade.

Hope this time spent with all our precious children helped soften the pain, if just for a little while.

That's how the healing starts. Very short periods of relief. With time, those short periods turn longer.

Thanks again

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of everyone tonight...I plan on lighting a candle up at Holy Hill for everyone here on this forum in the special prayer room. Maybe I can get a picture of the room if they allow it.

 

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening...

[Mermaid Tears]

oh  yes laurie....of course...

it seemed that I started having a 'normal sleep pattern'..

you know that kind of sleep that will let healing and comfort come by....

 

here lately....once again....I wake at 3:15....or a little after or before...and

I am so...so....so....tired....

 

and of course....that child is ours...

 

I will not change a thing for my child....

[mybeautifulgirl]

Thank you Wade for including Meagan in the heart collage.

I read posts every night and although I contribute little I feel you are all my friends.

We all walk the same pathway!

Missing my beautiful girl who will always be in my heart.

Jan

[SamDsmom]

Thanks Wade for the pictures. It is so good seeing them all together.

[Mermaid Tears]

Here it is April....many have endured a long winter....and it will be hard to see all things green and growing...in the absence of a presence..

[Mermaid Tears]

Wade... I made a screen print of the 'heart'....showed it to my daughter....she was so touched that someone many miles away that never met her brother....would create something so very dear and special....

 Thank You so much....

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

 

 

this simple statement causes a lot (more) heartache....and many on this site can add their story to this fact...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

ScreenShot115.jpg

 

this simple statement causes a lot (more) heartache....and many on this site can add their story to this fact...

Yes, that is for sure...still trying to figure out how to exist and adjust...people who dump you because you are obviously sad and "rain on their day", it doesn't help much...So for those who have good friends who continue the walk with you...you are truly blessed.

 

Susan, I have been reading a couple of books..they are by Sam Parnia....he is a critical care doctor who is an resuscitation expert, I was thinking of your son Jesse and him being a medical doctor...and wondering if he has heard of this doctor who has improved the success rate in bringing back cardiac victims...I think of how many parents might be so glad to have a doctor trained in this newly developing medical science...

 

Dr Sam Parnia started out researching NDE's and this caused another interest to develop...

 

http://www.spiegel.de/international/world/doctor-sam-parnia-believes-resurrection-is-a-medical-possibility-a-913075.html

 

He is also associated with IANDS.

 

******************************

Wade, thank you for the heart collage...it is very touching to see our children together and honored....

 

*********************

 

Steve's mom, thanks for sharing the new picture of your son...

 

Jan, it is always good to see your post...and thanks for reading and sharing...

 

Cherry, how are you doing with balancing your grief and working? I know some work places can be helpful if you know the co-workers well and they are supportive...

 

Sandy, how is the new dog in the family --- is your husband liking her?

 

Debbie, sending prayers on behalf of your daughter and for the upcoming legal challenges you face...

[daveydow1]

Wade-----Thank you so much for all the pics of our dear angels, and for the

HEART COLLAGE ...So nice of you to honor all the BI angels in this way.

Thanks again.

 

Dee----I'm trying to imagine how very busy you are with your 3rd graders...  

My grandson is in 3rd grade this year, and when he comes here to our

house, he's a bundle of energy......really keeps us going.  So, it must keep

you hopping to keep up with 25--30 kids. 70 degrees yesterday, and in the

60's today.  Sure is a welcome, and overdue, change. Tomorrow won't be

as warm, but we're heading in the right direction.  Saw a flock of wild turkeys

across the road in the cornfield. I counted about 12.  They were probably

foraging for corn left behind by the combine.  A mockingbird comes to our

feeder everyday now.  He is feisty, and is not intimidated by the bluejays.

The other birds seem scared of the jays, but not our new friend......the mockingbird.

 

 

Colleen-----

Soon you'll be able to go birding again at the sanctuary that is near you.

 

 

PEACE    AND    COMFORT    TO    ALL   INDIGOS.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Steve s mom]

Wade,

Thanks for including Steve in the photo collage of our angels

[Mermaid Tears]

for God's sake...I think my husband is going bat **** crazy....geez....what do I have to do ?? He is going in a directiion that he can onlyu go

[Mermaid Tears]

excuse me.....did not want that to post like that....sorry.....he just needs to come down to the earth....

[ericasmom]

Hi All.

Sherry, this year I only have 18 students but at times they feel and sound like 25. Most years I have 24 kids. Yes, the activity level and their need for large motor play outdoors after being so cooped up this winter. I took them out for two recess times today because the wind was down from yesterday and about 46 out so definitely nicer than yesterday. They just need to play more I think. We do a lot in school and I find they are much more able to keep up with work and expectations if they have time to run and be creative outdoors.

Sherry, the boys must love visiting with you and Denny, I can well understand your being tired however.

 

Susan, what is your husband up to that is driving you nuts?

 

Maryanne, I agree with Laurie, that photo of your Son is so handsome.

 

Jen, good to see you here today.

[mikesmomrs]

Hello all...just stopping by and reading and wanted to thank Wade again for the beautiful heart picture collage...such a kind thing to do.  I love the one with the names, also.  You are very creative.  Also, WADE, I am amazed at your kindness to go and give the card to the other family...I can't imagine their pain, and it is of course, so complex because of the circumstances.  Both your family and theirs lost so much...but it is just an outstanding act of courage and kindness for you to reach out like that.  I watched the video and your beautiful son singing to you both...such a gift, such a memory, such a wonderful treasure from a wonderful son...to keep forever.  And your poem...no words from me could be up to a descriptive accolade for that... thank you for sharing.  And thank you for your kind words about Mike. 

 

SHANNON:  I watched the video you made for Trista...the song was haunting and the video just beautiful...and the art work...the love jumps off the page...I know that Trista is so proud of you. 

 

DEE:  That is a surprisingly smaller number of children you have this year, but yes, you are right, third graders certainly can be live wires...Damon is a third grader and on Mondays I am on my toes for sure.  I pick him up after school, and bring him here til his mom comes home at 6.  So glad to get to see him so often.  No matter if the size of your class is a little smaller....you give it your all every day, to every one of them, and you so deserve your break times.

 

LAURIE:  So thoughtful of you to light a candle for all of our angels. 

 

LORA:  When we go through the loss of our precious child, that "person that we were before"...can no longer exist...their world as it was is gone...the world they enter into is new and strange and painful for such a long time...even after the pain softens...it still never returns to what we were before.  How can it?  how is your brother doing?  I hope he is managing okay and making progress. 

 

SHELLYKUT:  So very sorry for yet another loss in your family...prayers for all of you. 

 

KAREN:  In the case of the very late "Christmas gift" left on your doorstep...I would have preferred they just keep "forgetting it" and I never would see it, rather than to be pierced yet again by the inability for those not walking this path to truly understand.  So sorry you had to deal with this. 

 

KATE:  You know that you and Ross are in my daily prayer...for comfort, for strength, and for the miracles of healing.  My love to you as you both walk this very uncertain path. 

 

DEBBIE:  I am so sorry to hear of the troubles your daughter is experiencing.  of course, their troubles are always ours...I pray for her...   "I want the memories to be warm and good...  ...Will I ever be able to smile when I see his face?" They will, Debbie, they will...we promise.  The smiles will come, also.  But in their own time, for each of us.  I can still remember the first time I laughed after our son, Mike, died.  I stood stock still, and you could hear a pin drop.  It seemed like everyone stopped breathing...waiting for my next move after they saw the realization of this laugh register on my face.  I realized then that as long as Mike is in my heart, so will the joy of him be there, too.  It just takes its own while to return, and it does so, every so slowly. 

 

GRETCHEN:  Beautiful pictures of those grand grandies...such fun and joy and wonderful new memories in the making.  Thank you for sharing their sweetness.  Prayers for your friend, so new now to this journey...may you find comfort in each other's listening abilities. 

 

SUSAN:  You've much sorrow in March...glad to see it leaving once again...hope the increasingly warmer days of April and May bring comfort to you with their offerings of sunshine and warmer days...it has indeed been a very long, complex winter.  So glad to see it in the rearview mirror. 

 

TED:  So very sorry that your granddaughter's mother doesn't see it necessary to keep that memory going for this little one.  I have been so blessed in that our DIL has been so good with making sure our grandson knows all about his daddy.  I have heard some horrific stories over the years and just can't understand why people are like that.  I pray she will come to understand the need sooner rather than later.  I know that you will keep that memory going, and that is a good thing. 

 

MARYANN:  Your poem reached the deepest corners of my heart.  Having just come to the "softening stages" of the loss of our son, I lost my husband, and the raw, painful, piercing sorrow that permeates our soul at such losses reared its ugly head again...this poem describes it so very well...words that never should have had a reason to be put together on the same page...they describe each of us separately, and all of us together.  Of course, those who don't know the sorrow of the path of losing a child, showed some relief when I "smiled again," thinking "she's better, she's "over it," she's back...were taken aback when I "allowed" myself to fall into that pit of grief again...a different loss to be sure, one of a different "nature," from a different place in my heart, but terrible, life altering loss nonetheless...both of them losses that never ever are "gotten over."  I pray they never know. 

 

On Wednesday, the 26th, I woke with the thought that one month from that day would mark our 50th anniversary...the thought stayed with me all day...interspersed with many memories of those days of preparation.  We married just six weeks after meeting, so the "prep" time was short and filled with months of ideas and plans squeezed into 42 days.  I had a lot of errands to run on Wednesday, so the thoughts and memories traveled with me along the way. 

 

My first stop of the day was at the hospital for a routine blood draw.  While I waited my turn, I pulled out my phone for some mindless Jewel Quest.  When my name was called, I locked my phone screen, turned down the sound and dropped the phone into my pocket.  After the draw, I sat in the waiting room again to speak with the insurance rep.  As there were a couple of people ahead of me, I again retreated to my game...a few more minutes of mindless escape.  When I took my phone out, it was already open, and open to AMAZON.  But not the usual Amazon page...no ads or other distractions...this one was just plain white, with AMAZON written at the top in plain lettering, and two lines below it, both in red.  At the bottom of the page was my keyboard. 

When I looked again at the two red lines (where a search term would be) I saw these words: 

"I l o v e y o u.  I l o v e y o u.  I l o v e y o u." (spaced out, just like I've done here)  It seemed like minutes passed before I finally remembered to breathe.    

[Tbearw58]

I think this fits

 

I am still walking on Jupiter. The gravity of grief is great. The air is thin and my tears fall as generously as spring rains. Yes, I have moments of sweet relief and happiness is returning – but grief and sorrow linger. I cannot run from sorrow any more than I can run from my shadow on a sunny day. I must learn to live with love and sorrow – there seems no other way.

[Mermaid Tears]

As everyone knows...the first year of 'grief' is like no other...and many on this site knows Daniel had quadruple open heart surgery last May...he has recovered 100%....a blessing...but...there seems to be an 'issue' in every corner...

   we have this huge oak tree on the side of our yard....our pool is in the middle of our yard....yes...lots of leaves at certain times of the year....we have a joke that 'Susan buys a lot of trees..and there just happens to be a house under them'...

  I love trees...which is why I buy older homes...

  now...he has gone on and on about having the oak cut down....we are to have the pool replastered with a quartz coating and tile work done in a week or so...

   so I have finally agreed to have the oak cut down...

now I have to design and hire someone to build a huge patio cover there...

   Then...he wants me to sell the apartments....when we bought them...I had to agree that I would only keep them for 5 years and then sell them...now it has been 10 years...I finally have them where they 'almost' run themselves....I don't even advertise when there is going to be a vacancy...it took 3 years for me to get them where there is hardly a maintenance call...I have the best tenants...I am very strict who I rent to.....there is no way they can be anymore 'successful'....

   Well...I did agree to the 5 years....but I have my 4 Golden girls....and....what would I do ? I worry that someone would not 'care' and 'take care' of it all....and I would not have the 'control' I have now...

  He wants us to be 'free'..

  He is thinking we would move to Port Aransas....

If so....I would have sell this house and this house has a John David memory...

  It has not been easy to keep it all together...and try to keep things running as smooth as they can...and have my feet on the grief journey...March was a hard month for me....

and today....marks 20 months...20 hard...hard months of mourning..

I just 'want' everything to stay status quo til I can get a handle on my 'new normal'....I wish he would go fishing or something with his buddies......John David was his fishing buddy...I know he misses that...in fact..he has not gone fishing since he passed....

I don't know what to do....it is so hard to make decisions when I don't feel 'on my game'...I am not anchored...and it is like everything needs to be done 'yesterday'.....

This is not going to sound 'nice'....I just want to be left alone.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

August 3, 2012  -  April 3, 2014

 

20 months....is it possible?

Yes....and each day is etched on my heart...

I simply miss you so much.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Sherry, my sister has many birds that come to her feeders too…she raises indoor birds and the waste feed is given to the neighborhood birds…many other critters show up as well…one of the outside birds figured out the seed came from the house….so if my sister is too late in getting seed outside he will literally rap on the window…

 

Dee, it must be nice to have a smaller class size…it definitely would free up some time to help those students that may need some extra attention...it is a job where you are always busy….my cousin became a teacher later in life…he just loves it..he is in Florida…

 

Carol, I love the experience you had shared about the  cell phone…it does not surprise me….I am glad it warmed your heart and helped in a small measure to get you through the day….

 

Ted, “I cannot run from sorrow any more than I can run from my shadow on a sunny day. “ Very well said, and even so, many try to outrun grief…but it always follows…

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

John David Newman photo.jpg

 

 

August 3, 2012  -  April 3, 2014

 

20 months....is it possible?

Yes....and each day is etched on my heart...

I simply miss you so much.

Thinking of you today...I know those calendar dates can just clobber a person....that is a great picture of John David, his shirt looks like something Jesse would like....

[Jeff's Mom]

Susan, wish I had more time to respond to your post in length. We are off to the city shortly to a doctor appt.

 

Yes, 20 months is indeed a long time since seeing your "sonshine". I can relate completely to wanting things to stay in the here and now...or should I say in the past... and not wanting to experience change. After all we were all so much happier when our children were alive. In the flash of a second our lives were altered permanently. There is comfort to those memories. But life does change and the days continue to pass. We can't lock ourselves into a time warp. I wish it were that easy.

 

Our lives seemingly flow from day to day as we are kept busy with raising our children. We don't actually stop to think of just how fragile this life truly is. Then BAM it hits us like a wall. And in that second we are given a true insight into the real meaning of life. Things no longer hold the same importance. It's about the valued and cherished life we have lost. We would all give our last possession to have them back again.

 

I am so happy that Daniel has made a good recovery. I can see that you both have some serious decisions to make. I am sure that his illness prompted him into wanting that new start. Allowing both of you to experience some new and exciting changes. Yes, the memories of John David are surrounding you. But in truth those memories are held inside your heart and that you will carry with you for the rest of your life. He will not disappear just because you have changed residence. It is not an easy decision to make...but together I am sure you will both do what is right for you both and your future.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Kate...your words mean so much...hope the appt. goes well....

 

Laurie....your Jesse David and John David were/are very much alike...

 

My son that is the Dr. is Aaron....it is ok....it is hard to keep up with names with 5 sons...but I will ask him...

 

Ted....your words carry a lot of emotion....

 

Dee....I think I am 'worn thin'....I have not been doing 'self care'...need to go back to it...

[ericasmom]

Susan, I get ya, you do need to feel grounded and ready to make those big BIG changes. Fine you made an agreement, but nobody knew that John David was going to pass away, and until you feel grounded, planted, it is not okay to be held to that earlier promise...now I do get what your husband wants as well, his plan was to have the freedom at this point in life, but maybe the freedom is also scary for you, it takes your purpose that you find in each day away...there are no easy solutions here are there? Wanting to be left alone I totally get. My husband and I had to find some ground where we were both comfy. He would have liked to sell our home back when ERz died, I think he felt like moving would help me not be surrounded by Eri things therefore making me less sad, but he had to learn that nothing was going to make me less sad, that loss is loss and that he could not fix it. And it can be very hard for a spouse not to be able to fix things for the other. I wish we could all automatically go to therapy whe we lose a child, so that each of us had the help to understand our own motivations in the deep well of sadness. Most the time, husbands and wives are not on the same page in grief and sometimes this puts a lot of pressure on each and makes them feel very isolated or separated. Sometimes craving that time alone also is taken as a negative instead of understanding it to be a need, a place in which to learn about oneself again.

[Guest]

.

[MissKylie]

Carol ,  Lora, signs from our children are precious gifts. In times that I don’t cry so much, I also receive signs from my girl Kylie.

 

Laurie, still doing good at work. But I lost the “energy” because there’s no more Kylie that I can hug..I’m just hoping that my baby boy would be able to replace the sadness that our family had since God took Kylie home.

 

Steve’s mom, the poem pinned my heart…Thank you for sharing

 

Dee, whenever I look at the picture of your dear Erika, makes me wonder if my Kylie could have grown as hip & cool as your girl… Or if Kylie would ever have met a gentleman as Brooks

Yesterday, on my way home, I keep on hearing songs that makes me think more of my daughter “How do I live without you?” And Kylie’s favorite song “ Roar” by Katy Perry.

And I came to realize some “unorthodox” beliefs.  Maybe all of us here are God’s expression of Himself.

If all of us here are God’s expression of Himself, and if before birth, we also agree to be expressed this way, to learn the lessons that we want to learn…I came to realize that maybe…just maybe…my daughter would like to stay here with me for a short period of time..5 years..Not because she wants me to be hurt but because 5 years is enough for her to learn and evolve her soul..Me as her mother and she wants to be here to be my child..Or maybe I’m just crazy and this “beliefs” help me survive…I just needed reasons so I can live with reasons.

 

Loosing Kylie is life changing and beliefs changing…

 

There are days that I cry so hard and scream her name… Just sharing how do I cope… Each day is like a feeling of “hang-over” drank with grief…Everyone I see are just illusion..and I will play my role the best that I can..Until this “Play” is over ..And I will be reunited with Kylie again…

 

John David, Nick, Trista, Sam, Jesse David, Steve, Brooks, Erika, Cara, Mike, David, Lisa, Sarah,Brian, Lane, Geoff, Forest, Meagan, Jeff, Kylie---

 

A kiss on your parents’ cheeks , even it will just be blown by the wind…would bring us comfort..

Even for just one second or make it one minute..if it’s not too much to ask…

 

Love and Prayer,

Kylie’s Mommy- Mommy Cherry

[daveydow1]

Laurie----Wow!  Those are smart little birds, to peck at the window as a gentle reminder to your

sister to bring more feed out to them.  We get so much enjoyment watching the birds coming

to our feeders. Does your sister raise parakeets, or some other kinds of birds?

 

Susan-----Oh yes, Susan.... I know what you mean about time passing by without your

beloved John David.  I think that sometimes we feel like we're in some sort of time warp

or something. Time somehow takes on distortion, and the regular days, weeks, and years

have somehow changed on us.  Wishing you peace & comfort.

 

Dee-----I agree, that moms and dads can be on different pages when it comes to grief.

When we're struggling just to breathe......especially the  agonizing days, weeks of the

early times of grief, it's hard to keep one's inner balance and try to 'read' how the other

person is feeling and thinking.  Difficult times, for sure. My husband and I separated

for awhile after our baby Lisa died suddenly. Coping seemed impossible.

 

 

Lora------

Such a good project you have devoted your efforts to.....Operation Shoebox.

Cara must be smiling down on you, in this way that you have chosen to honor her memory...

and for such a good cause.

 

Cherry-----Thanks for your kind words about angel kisses, and for remembering all our

angels' names. So sorry that you are having such a difficult time,....and missing your

angel Kylie.  It's a heartache,...I know.....I'm sorry.

 

   

PEACE    AND    TRANQUILITY    TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

He would have liked to sell our home back when ERz died, I think he felt like moving would help me not be surrounded by Eri things therefore making me less sad, but he had to learn that nothing was going to make me less sad, that loss is loss and that he could not fix it.

This is so true what you wrote...

Susan, (sorry about the wrong name for the doctor son, oops...)

I agree that a change in location will necessarily make us less sad...I have heard and read it is good to keep it slow with that type of big change...and keep things even if you do move until you are sure...

But perhaps just a small break from the home...I have read another bereaved couple who did this...spent some time away at a time share...

Just thinking here...there is just no good way about this in truth...it all stinks. You are also on an anniversary day so that is hard.

[Mermaid Tears]

Cherry....I do like your outlook....and embrace it....and we all adopt another way of seeing...

 

Laurie...you are right..it all stinks...whatever we pull out of the hat....there is simply no way to circumvent this grief journey...

not by moving...leaving...or burning up the building...

I simply have to go through it...there is no 'end' to this journey....

 

it gets complicated when our loved ones try so hard to make it soft for us....

and we don't want 'soft'....we want our child back...and we have to come to the acceptance part in our souls....

that is not on our list....

we must choose something else....

and we all have our 'other dynamics' of our lives to deal with...

[Jeff's Mom]

deleted

[Sholl1955]

Wade,

Thank you so much for the heart collage.   I needed to see  my Sarah and it was special to see her included with all of the special children represented here.  It is so special of you to do that for us.   Cherry, seeing all of their names also listed also warmed my heart.   I miss her so.

 

Dee we have had a break in the weather and spring feels near.  The big snow piles are melting.   Today it rained a lot and they are calling for more rain and severe storms with possible tornado activity tonight.   Crazy weather.

 

Sherry our new little family member Gabby is doing very well.   She has won my husband over and he holds and loves on her a lot.   She was spayed two weeks ago and he gave her lots of love and spoiling.

 

Wishing all a restful night.

 

Sandy

 

 

[Sholl1955]

oops,   Laurie it was you who asked about our little dog Gabby.   Thank you for asking about her.   If I knew how to send pictures I would.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

Cherry, we find new reasons and new beliefs to help us find purpose and meaning. It is okay if your belief system changes. I think what we learn along this way is how to be less rigid in following one way, because there are so many ways to believe, to show faith, to find messages, to believe. I would venture to say that your Beautiful little Girl is hanging out with Erica and with Brooks and all of the other Angels...dancing and sharing the universe in all of its glory. What I found helped me early on was that I would never get to have an answer as to WHY my Girl died, but rather HOW to live best where she no longer stood...How to live in the world that suddenly seemed foreign and lacking. And so I continued taking my walks and bike rides and in those quiet spaces that I have always needed, I started to listen to the rhythms in nature again, setting my own heartbeat to that of the songs from the birds, to the sway in the wind. I began to remember that we are of this earth, we are a piece, just one piece, and we fit in to the scheme somehow because we are still here. Erica loved living loud and full. She was active and rebellious and hilarious. I miss her everyday and I smile everyday because she continues to feed my soul in so many ways. The ways others remember her, the stories she told, the music that was the backdrop to her life, the friends that continue this many years later to stay in touch and honor her memory, to share the stories that are part of who they are too, because of Erica.

 

I love you My Girl, beyond word-beyond sky. Happy 30th Birthday Sweetie Love.  I wouldn't trade you for a million other Daughters because you are the Girl of my dreams and  I am your Momma, and nothing will ever take that from us. 4-4-84----7-14-03

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, this is the image that came to my mind as I thought about your sweet daughter Erica...

 

thank you for sharing your heart and hers.

 

[mikesmomrs]

Beautiful, beautiful, ERICA...ERI...ERZ...TINK. .

celebrate your birthday with all of our angels..

I know that your playful self is in the midst of joy and likely the cause of much of it...surround your sweet mamma with your wonderful spirit, as she relives the memory of your entrance into her world. DEE: thinking of you... (I would have put this all in pink, but my color options have stopped working again. I will just say "think pink!"

[mybeautifulgirl]

I think this fits

 

I am still walking on Jupiter. The gravity of grief is great. The air is thin and my tears fall as generously as spring rains. Yes, I have moments of sweet relief and happiness is returning – but grief and sorrow linger. I cannot run from sorrow any more than I can run from my shadow on a sunny day. I must learn to live with love and sorrow – there seems no other way.

This is so true, exactly how I feel.

Life will never be the same. Learning to live with sorrow.

Thinking of you Dee in memory of Erica's birthday.

Jan

[shellykut]

ERICA EILEEN - HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY! KICK UP YOUR HEELS AND SWIRL AROUND YOUR MOMMA THIS DAY...THE DAY THAT BROUGHT HER THE GIFT OF YOU!

Dee - thinking of you on Eri's 30th! Thank you for being here and sharing your wise words and comfort to all who struggle with this loss!  Love, Shelly

[johngeoffdoug]

I am so glad I came here this morning ... so many great poems, and shared memories. Wade, thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing all the photos ... I hope that all our kids have all become friends. Today marks 34 weeks, and it is still so very hard!!! My husband had a great day yesterday as he was able to order some more parts for the truck Geoff was restoring .... ordered the rear end, suspension and will be ordering the customer wheels today ... makes him feel happy that he is getting this done for Geoff. To this point, it has just been too difficult for him to do any of it, just too painful knowing that Geoff isn't going to be here to see it completed. I'm going to plant a memory garden this Spring ... already have it started with a beautiful tree that a couple of our great friends gave us in his memory last year ... can't wait until it starts blooming. Seems like the cold is finally thinking of letting go ... some much needed warmth and sunshine may help us feel better!!!!

Thanks to all for sharing your stories .. although I'm sad that you have come hear from a tragic loss, it means alot to stay in touch.

Love to all!

Karen

may our angels in heaven smile down on us today!!