Members daveydow1 Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 StephsBiggestFan----I am so sorry for your loss of your daughter, Steph. It is hard for me to find the wordsto express about your dear daughter's organ donations, and your experience of feeling her precious heartbeating in another person. My son died in a terrible wreck in 2003. He was 31 yrs. old, and I do not knowif he had the 'organ donor' specification on his driver's license or not. In any case, organ donationcould not have taken place, as he died within the hour in surgery, and they told us that all of hisorgans were compromised due to the extensive trauma and excessive loss of blood. You and your familyhave been through so much pain, heartache, and sorrow. I'm sorry. The added stress of having anotherfamily living in your household would add to the stress, and possibly delay your grieving. Of course, Ido understand that they were loved ones, and your wish to help them. Little ones always keep the houselively. I hope that you can come back to this site and read the posts, and post your feelings also. As Deehas said, everyone here understands the pain, loss, and devastation of the death of a beloved child, andwish to help, in some small way. Sending thoughts & prayers, and wishes for peace to you. Shannon-----What a happy ending to the story of the 4 kittens found in a dumpster.....(although it is somaddening and sad that someone would dispose of them like trash) . So glad that someone foundthem, and glad that your little baby furball...."Wendy" found her way into your home and hearts. Kittensare such a delight, and as you say.......they are little dynamos of energy and playfulness. So cute. Canyou tell I love cats???? (dogs too)! Thanks for the lovely pics you posted. Hope your husband'shealth is improving. Prayers. Dee------BRRrrrrr. Cold is right ! Somehow, our area school zones, gov't offices, etc. are not gettingas worried about the cold temps as they did the last round...Jan 6...7. Haven't noticed school closings etc.Guess we're all getting used to the Polar Blasts by now. It was minus 4 degrees here last night, and only10 or 12 is forecast during the day today, and days coming up. We're feeding the birds twice daily, andthey are really scarfing up the seed, bread, and suet cakes. A small flock of doves were hovered nearthe base of the house in a sheltered corner. Birthday party tomorrow for my mom......my two sisters andI have a little party planned......just us. Lunch, cake, presents in my mom's apt.......not a big deal, but I think my mom willappreciate it.......94 years young.....born in 1920. She always likes to say that she was born in the year thatwomen got the right to vote! Kate-----Sending prayers for the family of the dear little 9 year-old boy who died in the snow tunnelaccident. Such a tragedy, and I pray for his family. What's your weather like there? Very cold, I'm guessing. PEACE TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Dove in our backyard locust tree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 OOPS........Will try again..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Sorry....don't know what happened. I guess I need more practice, so I can get better at this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Sherry....that is a genuine 'Lonesome Dove' photo......thanks for sharing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jeff's Mom Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Sherry, the pic of the dove came through perfectly. Thanks for sharing. Poor things must be starving this winter. Have a lovely day tomorrow! Just imagine 94 years young! I'm sure she will enjoy being surrounded by her "kids". Yes, poor little tyke. They were unsure of what caused it. The kids love to play on snow banks and to build snow forts. If you have any more photos please share with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 22, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2014 Lora....how are you.....thinking of you....hoping your brother is continuing a path of healing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Hi All, boy is it cold. Oh we have had colder but it is quite chilling, going down to -4 tonight with a -25 windchill.I was in a math meeting all day, the whole district 3rd grade, really silly to spend money on substitutes and this math lady now three times this year...and yet, we can't have a new book? $120 per day per sub, about 40 subs today, 40 yesterday for all 2nd grade, later in February all the other grade levels across the district???What very damaging decisions being made. Oh well. NOw tomorrow, all third grade again in a mandatory planning day. The whole day, two in a row, away from my students in an already shortened week with MLK day on Monday. Just really poor decision making here. I am hoping that you all had something nice occur in your lives today...So many of you just raw in your timeline of loss, I am wrapping my arms around you. Wade, no our kids can't go out when the wind chill reaches a certain low, don't know what they use, but sometimes we go out in the afternoon on very cold days just to get some vitamin d in our bones. Lora, I echo Susan, how is your Brother? Kate stay safe in this cold.Sherry, it sure is cold, hunker down. Love the Dove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Just missing you... Sweet dreams of our angels... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Oh Laurie...I wish I had something beautiful to give you over the screen...like you just gave me and others....I am just human....a human friend...but I applaud what you gave to me...and others...thank you...many of us will know where it came from...and where you want it to go...I am so lost...I am not tethered to a pier....that I know of....am drifting...but in the drifting....I am learning who my friends are and who are not......amazing grace and gifts... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Karen and Ted… My thoughts are the same. When I met with the detectives our first question was about where he got shot. When they said he got shot in the head, Renea and I just held each other and cried, but they also said he probably didn’t even know what happened. A few well-meaning people have said at least that was a blessing, but it’s hard to think of blessings in that way. We wanted to see him, but the coroner in Reno makes ID through identifying marks, fingerprints or DNA. Don’t know if I would have wanted to see him there anyway. I am so sorry for what you guys are going through. I do know that being on here is good so I hope your husband thinks about it. My email is wade405@yahoo.com if he wants to just send me a message. Becky… I am so praying for you. Everything is hard enough without physical ills. Your typing looked better, though. Every time I go to my friend’s house to mess around or work on his Mustang, I think of Jared. I’ve told my friend about Jared and showed him his car. Gave him the link you sent to me about the restoration too. Sure hope Jasmine is doing ok. Kate… Hoping you get over that bug…Didn’t see the Jets…have to admit that I bet against them usually…sorry. I love the Winter Olympics too. I like the speed skating and skiing. Use to like the hockey until it became just pros playing against pros. So much better with amateurs. Glad you have Ross to wait on you…how it’s suppose to be. Everything ok with him? I remember playing in the culverts when the water would freeze. Can’t imagine living up north anymore… Sherry… Wish your mom a happy birthday…94 years…wow! So many stories and experiences I’ll bet. Have fun at the party! I can’t imagine people doing that to animals either. This is a good place. Dee… We have the same problem with subs…Some new teachers get pulled out almost 20 times. So ridiculous!!! I also had a math meeting today after school. We went over a survey of everything new and how it could be better… How about not making everything new is my answer. I guess we are fortunate to have that “Race to the Top Grant” but so wish they would let us have some input. Stay warm! Wanted to ask if you teach in Chicago proper or in one of the suburbs? Laurie… “Missing you”… my sentiments exactly…Thank you for the song. Lora… Hope you are ok and also wondering about your brother…Prayers for ultimate healing. Susan… That was a very appropriate poem. I wonder sometimes if I will be stronger for all of this… I don’t feel like it now, but I hope so. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting it a little together and then, “wham,” I realize I have a long way to go. I pray every day to learn something from this…how to be a better person…better husband…better teacher…hoping my life will have more meaning than it has now. I think it eventually will. If not…why would God put us through this? Strobe ornament is on for another day…got on my knees at Brooks’ site and prayed and prayed…lots of tears, but they were cleansing. I think I’m at the point of acceptance, but it’s bittersweet. Love to everyone…stay strong and know you have a prayer warrior on your side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Oh Laurie...I wish I had something beautiful to give you over the screen...like you just gave me and others....I am just human....a human friend...but I applaud what you gave to me...and others...thank you...many of us will know where it came from...and where you want it to go...I am so lost...I am not tethered to a pier....that I know of....am drifting...but in the drifting....I am learning who my friends are and who are not......amazing grace and gifts... Thanks Susan, just felt sad, sad, sad today...the grief that ebbs and flows...don't always know where I will be either...drifting is a good word choice...drifting in an ocean with no land in sight...no longer sure of who I am, and all I want is for him to come back... Wade, yes, I do feel that men grieve differently to a point, tears, fear, helplessness, still link us, but men may be better at hiding their feelings of grief, it is to carry on I guess...your offer for Bob is very kind...and I know it was made out of a sincere and pure heart... also, having your son shot is never a blessing -- in the head or anywhere else -- I wonder if people ever stop and think before opening their mouth...wishing you a peaceful night... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Becky, I will agree with Wade, your typing looked terrific tonight...praying for good test results and for healing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lovU2themoon Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thinking of you all tonight, read the post, so many new broken hearts.I to agree this is a good place to come, share our feelings and find comfort in these dark days. Not much to say, but wanted to touch base, chest is heavy today, as most days, missing my Lane so much tonight, its so up, down, roller coaster of grief.Just when i think 'ok, i"ve got this" I really don't. Wishing you all peace, and grateful for the end of the day. Goodnight. Wanda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thanks Laurie for the music adn the photo with the sentiment...lovely. I am sorry for your heart wandering about trying to find something to hitch itself to. Glad that your Girl went to a therapist, how did she feel going? Big steps. Susan, I know that sense of not being tethered, if I find my poem about that I will post it. Lost is where we must be before we find our new road. Lost is a must because while lost we locate a few of those nuggets of gold and sliver that help us form our lives again... Wade, love what you said about everything being new...indeed I agree, if it wasn't all new at one time we could wrap our brains around it and write some good curriculum. I teach in Oak Park, Illinois. We are just west of Chicago proper by a few miles. Wanda, I know, new posts from Newbies, and as we open our arms to them, we still hold you close in our hearts as you navigate the days. Glad to see you tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Tethered by dee conmyMy strings unravel sometimes, and I am left to wonder how to stay tetheredto something in this world-something of value to my heartsomething that allows my grief but also my joy-it may simply be to tie myself to the bird’s song this morning,singing me through both.Grounded by chatter that tumbles from so many sparrowshidden in the hedges,and the immediate hush of sound as I walk past.Made to smile from the amazing sound that bursts again from the greenerywhen I have walked beyond them.I whisper ‘thank you’ to the birds and sometimes I shout it,for their unending medicinethat help me remember all that really matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Dee, I had two experiences with birds after Jesse's passing... The first was when Christina and I went out there together by the gravesite...directly overhead was a flock of swans, softly calling out their song in the heavens above...I have never seen swans in this area ever, then a month or so later, a smaller flock flew directly over my home... Also, another time when I was visiting Jesse's site, I had driven down the road a bit by the river for a "breather". I parked the car and was sobbing hysterically...then this mother bird and 4 or 5 chicks comes out of nowhere and starts across the road in this most ridiculous manner...it looked like they were all doing the rumba or something...also I am not sure what type of bird this was, reminded me of a killdeer in body type, but had the strangest fluted bill I have ever seen...anyways, I thought maybe Jesse sent them to pull me through.... ---------------------------------------------------- I think the therapist will be helpful to Christina, she needs somewhere safe to share her feelings and also good guidance... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Wanda... Thinking with ya! I know we will eventually find meaning. I pray that for all of us...especially those of us new... How's Lindsey doing? Dee... Didn't use to read poetry, but now it brings comfort...makes me think of better days to come. Thank you. All at once seems to be our district's way of thinking... How much can we put on those teachers until they explode...? Brooks has a bunch of rabbits running around the cemetery. Nice to just to watch them play. Can't remember if someone mentioned it here, or a person i met at the cemetery, but it was about putting up a hummingbird feeder in the tree by Brooks' site. Not sure why I am looking forward to doing that, but it seems to be fitting. Sleep well fellow Indigos...you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wgreenlee Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Little Dalyla's birthday is Sunday. She'll be 7. I want to go, but don't want to be a "downer." Not sure if I could handle it. Last year we all went to Chucky Cheese to celebrate. Brooks was being such a good dad... He would be making preparations right now to make it such a special day for her. I hate this so much! I thought I was moving forward...even a few hours ago I felt that...then Shauna reminded me of the birthday and it all comes crashing down. Everything Brooks will miss...everything I will miss...I feel so selfish right now not thinking of others... Please, God, help me to honor my son. Help me heal and be a little whole again...Take away some of this pain. Brooksy...I need you again...I need you now...I need to know I will be ok. Be with Shauna and the kids and let them know how much you loved them. Give Dalyla that present. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ericasmom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thanks for the bird stories Laurie, birds are certainly messengers in my life, healers in so many ways. Love that your Jesse sent those, I don 't recognize the fluted bill kind from the midwest, I will ponder that, but how wonderful that they caught your attention while sobbing, Jesse knew. And swans, I have only seen two in this area in all my years and never have seen them in flight. Lovely, messages from your Angel. I am glad that Christina is finding a way to feel safe in her grief. Wade, birds, hummingbirds, a wonderful life force so that sense of zig-zagging about at the cemetery is one of life, of exuberance and joy, filling our sad space with LIFE. I like the thought very much. We are in a Catholic cemetery, we are not Catholic but Erica's grandparents on her Daddy's side were so we chose her spot there to be kind of near family...anyhow, we can put little on her site. The party will be a lovely event for little Dalya's birthday, whatever they do for it, she will always have her memories of her 6th birthday and Brooks will be right there shining in those memories. Maybe you can send a gift or go at the very start and leave a gift for her showing her that you will always remember her day. You don't need to be there for the whole thing and you don't have to go at all if it is too much right now. Dates will do that you know. Where were we a year ago???We fall apart again, but it does not mean we are not making progress, no, it means the human condition is at work. Please don't feel you must always help, sometimes you simply need to say, I NEED HELP. We are withyou. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Dee...once again your poem touched a place that is hurting... Ok...I sometimes ponder on experiences...not knowing the meaning....For a certain time period...I would find dove feathers...on the porch right in front of the front door...on the patio in front of my French doors leading out to the back...on the patio table...etc...they would be 'right in sight'....I started picking them up...and would lay them on my buffet table in front of a photo of John David....I have quite a collection now...and have put them in a little vase he gave me for Mother's Day in 1987.....I don't see them now.... When we returned from Port Aransas...after our 'Scattering of his ashes'....there were 3 or more Mississippi Kite hawks flying above our area....sometimes you could see them circling above...but you could hear their 'whisper whistle' all day....they would 'whistle' to each other...they stayed for 3 days....and then...they left....on my birthday...I was looking out the french doors and one landed on the head of my 'Barefoot Contessa' fountain....he/she seemed to peer at me....stayed for about 2 minutes and flew off......we have never had one in our yard before...amazing. We have not seen one since. I think sometimes I stretch myself so thin....to hear..to see...to feel....so I can believe...I don't want to be like the little kid in bed that can conjure up a monster from a pile of clothes in the dark. My imagination and creativity has always been my best friend....and I don't want to be like the people that can see the Virgin Mary in a piece of toast or in their corn flakes.... I did...really....hear that whistle behind me while I was on the computer a couple of weeks ago...now that is written in concrete. That is why I so need to hear what others experience... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Wanda,I noticed that our sons share the same "Angel" date .... we all know that these dates forever changed our lives. How do we get through each day without our children ... I am not even sure. Most days I feel like I just go through the motions, but nothing seems to matter. I used to look forward to waking up every day and making Geoff's lunch for him (I love to spoil my kids like that), and I would always make him 2 pieces of toast that he would sit and eat and we would chat for a few minutes before he was off to work. Now, I don't get up until the last possible minute, because I hate having the extra time, because it just reminds me of what I'm missing .... I miss giving him a kiss before he left and telling him that he needed a shave!!! He never left the house without an I love you. We tell it to our kids all the time ..and they are not ashamed to say it back, no matter who's around. I would give anything to have that last day back .. to go back and change one little thing so the outcome was different! Every single day when I wake up I say .. another day without Geoffrey. I still sleep with his t-shirt on my pillow so I can feel close to him. I wish I could dream more about him .. I've only dreamed of him twice that I can remember. Do you dream of your son? I've thought about going to a medium to see if he will come through to me ... I don't know. I just need to know that he is at peace, that he truly didn't suffer in any way when he died. Karen Wade,I will give my husband your information, whether or not he contacts you, I just can't say. He really never does talk about hows he's feeling ... except on Christmas day he said that he was only hanging on by a thread. It's almost like we don't know how to comfort each other ... we both grieve in different ways. Just last night I was in Geoffrey's room getting a picture to put in the paper next week for his birthday..and he asked me why I was in there. I don't feel like I should have to have a reason to be in there ... but I know that it is so hard on him. This isn't going to go away. Even his doctor is worried about him. He doesn't sleep more than probably 3 hours a night ... and it shows. The doctor wanted to give him a mild sleeping aid, but my husband refuses. I don't know what to do to help him ....Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Wade...am sure many on this site had a zinger in their heart with the 'day' coming up about little Dalyla's birthday....and many will want to reach out to you with words of comfort and maybe some hints to how to travel over that rocky road....this is just my thoughts...when my Pebbie was turning 8....of course there was a party planned...but I took her out the day before her birthday...and let her shop for a 'birthday outfit' and a toy of her choice...she felt very special...she felt like a 'big girl' in that she could choose for herself. Now..Dee is the one that gave me my 'I don't have to go' permission slip ...(I have stated before I didn't quite know how to 'drop out' for myself...but it has been a very healing move for me).....so...take Dee's advice...and simply do what you know you can do...and then when you feel like you can't...just say..'No thank you..not now'....you have a big wonderful heart....and want to be all for all....that is the nature of a parent....but there are times in the grief journey...we just have to sit somethings and situations...out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 What really hit me when I got on this site was the 'dates'......Karen and Wanda...you have the same angel date....there was a parent on here...Dell...our sons shared the same angel date......Lora's daughter's angel date..June 13th...the same date my daughter was born and my Dad died..Laurie's sons angel date is..October 10...same date my grandmother died and my twins grandchildren died...there are others.....is this a coincidence ? My son was called J.D.....and so was Becky's and Laurie's sons... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Wade,I think we can all feel the pain and struggles when a special day is approaching....you want to be happy, but how can you be happy when our kids aren't there to celebrate. I find it hard to use the word celebrate ... I don't feel like I will ever be able to do that again. If you can't attend the function, I am sure that others will understand ... if not, you have to let it go, you have enough consuming you right now. I will be thinking of you Sunday. I think that your son will be there celebrating his sweet daughter Dylyla's birthday ... bet he wouldn't miss it!!! Take care,Karenwishing you strength through this most difficult time of another "first" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Susan,yes I find myself scanning the dates ... so many share the same dates ..whether it is day of week, day of month, or exact date. I was thinking one day, and I lost my Mom on November 13th, and my father on January 4th .... if I take 13 and subtract 4, it gives me 9 ... the day I lost Geoffrey. I seem to try to relate every date to Geoff now ... it consumes me .... if I take his birtdate ... 2/1/91 .... if i take the 1 from the 9 it gives me 8 ... and then when I add them all together it gives me 13 .... then take the dates my parents died .... 9 ... 8/9/13 ... I know it must be coincidence .. but .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 http://delmarpopwarner.com/ToWhereYouAre/videoplayer.htmhttp://delmarpopwarner.com/SeeYouAgain/videoplayer.htm Hope these links still work!! It's me singing to my son. THis is the prerecorded song my daughter did for Jared's funeral. Track1.mp3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Yes...I think we all 'sit and think and think and sit'.....to find a rhyme or reason...or answers that we have not fashioned a question for....we grope around and slump along trying to find a hand rail.. I have always heard..'there is a reason for everything'....and a season...a time for laughing and crying...for reaping and sowing...for living and for dying... for me...my artistic 'side' clashes with my 'analytical' side...I try to connect dots...start with 'A' and progress through all the steps...find the chronological time frame....go into the past for vintage experiences.....or try to figure out the mileage of my grief journey. I think about the parents on this site...reading their journey...the 'before' and then the 'after'....this was 'then' ...this is 'now'....the progression...the setbacks....the fall....the going under...and I can relate with it all....keeping in mind we all have our unique grief journey to travel...for I have lost my Beautiful Beloved Boy..John David....and for me...I get comfort in knowing we share common sorrow and mourning. I am not abnormal...or going crazy...or unbalanced....I am simply in mourning and that is complicated for there are so many layers..and twists and turns...valleys and mountains...some so dark...and then there is a tiny pin hole of light that allows me to get a foot hold. Karen...I have posted this before...but I am going to seek out a medium....that is certain...I just haven't decided 'who' or 'when'...but I am. I have to get to a place within me...and I will know when the time is right for me. I wrote this a few months ago...and Laurie was kind enough to embellish it....for the new ones..I wanted to share it again.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Would anyone know how to get in contact with Lora other than this site...? Haven't heard from her in awhile....so..Lora...if you don't have the energy to post...that is ok....just wondering how you are holding up...prayers that your brother is going forward with his surgeries and healing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Susan, I sent Lora a private message, which will go to to her email and told her we were concerned. You can do the same by going to your friend list and click on her name and choose 'send message'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Thank you, Becky for sharing that knowledge with me.....I have a real learning curve on the site...how are YOU ? I am hoping that with the broke ankle...and 'other issues' you have got to slow down some and maybe a tiny layer of healing...you have been going at a 'break neck' speed for 2 and counting years.....and there comes a time when the body just needs 'rest'.....even when you are resting...you are still our Warrior Mom.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 SUsan, thanks for your concern! I feel like all I can do is rest. I am so limited in movemENT, AND if you could see how mANY MIStakes I am making trying to type, I am pathetic! Karen, I also look for the meaning in numbers in everything. My son's birthdate and my daughters appeared on a slip of paper stuck to his chest in the autopsy photos. No coincidence, I don't think. Jasmine's dob is 7-11 and his was 4-23 I am also interested in a medium, as I just want to have a conversation with my JD so badly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Becky,yes ... I want to talk to Geoffrey so badly. I need to know that he's ok again ... I would give anything to hear his voice, but I know that unless it's in my dreams, it won't happen. I wish I could dream about him, I find myself asking him all the time to please come to me in my dreams .. but it has only happened twice that I can remember. I remember one of them vividly...I just told him that I needed to feel his touch, and he reached out and touched my arm ..but the strange thing is, I couldn't feel it, but I knew he did it, and then he was almost floating away from me. I didn't remember it immediately upon waking, but it came to me later in the day... it made me feel so good. I don't think that the numbers are coincidence either ... I've heard from so many people that when we are born, we are born with a contract ... do I believe it, I really don't know. Boy, if I'd know that Geoff's contract was up, I would have paid anything to resign him with us!!!!!And, it sounds like you may be ailing ... I hope you feel much better soon!Take care,Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Karen, I didn't know if you read my account of my daughter's dream, if not here it is again: Karen, I just had to write and tell you of our experience when dealing with the thoughts of my son's final momentssss that haunted us for months. JD was only 15, and was hit from behind as he skateboarded towards our home, only 1/4 mile from our driveway. They also said he died instantly, but we struggled knowing there were people on site that did not attempt cpr or anything else, not even to take his pulse, or to let him know someone was there with him. One night my daughter, Jasmine, six years older than JD, had a dream that she entered his bedroom and he was there, and he rose and hugged her hard, and she told him how she had been missing him and where had he been?? He told her it was ok, that he was fine, then she asked him "how did it feel"? and he looked at her and said "you mean how did it feel to die"? He smiled and said "I will show you", and put his right pointer finger up in the air, as if to say 'wait for it', and in the next second she woke from her dream, like you do when you dream you are falling and then are suddenly awake, and she knew in that moment that he was showing her how quickly it happened, and because he was smiling and happy in telling her about it, she had the sense that he was at peace. I have only had two dreams that JD was in, the first in October 2012,I kiss Jared's urn everynight and tell him "do you think you could come to me in a dream"? I only had one and it was very brief, and not really clear of the message. There was a road thad had trash all strewn about, and a lot of people trying to clear it and pick it all up, and in the midst, there was a man sitting on a 5 gal container of some sort, right in the middle of the road, and he was just sitting and watching, and looked very sad. I approached him and he rose to embrace me, and I hugged him, and felt him hug me as he laid his head on my shoulder. I stroked his hair and patted his back, and told him it was going to be alright. Then I woke up. I wasn't sure if it was him in the dream or not, as it seemed like there was a haze or cloudiness about that scene. But, there was no mistaking the comfort that I felt in holding him. WE have adopted this half mile strip of roadway and clean it up every 3 months. the other dream I had was that JD sent me a video on my phone, and when i played it, he was driving his mustang that we restored, and laughing and saying "how ya like me now"? I have asked him so many times to come to my dreams, as i kiss the top of his urn in our living room, but in over two years, these are the only 2 dreams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Steph's Biggest Fan Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 To all who responded...THANK YOU! I'm already feeling a bit of sanity just from the warmth in all of your words and comments and I can feel the love being sent to me. I equally send that love back. Someone said, it seems easier knowing that someone else has shared my pain. I've hesitated to say that because it seems so selfish, as I would never wish this pain on another soul, while at the same time, I'm sure you all understand what I'm saying. I love that one of the mom's mentioned you'd love to know more about my Steph. I think that is my biggest hurdle right now. I feel like life is moving on around me, my friends are going on with their lives as they should, but mine is stuck. I'm afraid they are forgetting her while I can't. I was with her in the hospital room the night after her surgery. She had a massive stroke. I thought she was struggling to wake. Little did I know, she was struggling to die. I am so happy that not only was I there when she entered this world, but since I did in fact have to be here after her, I am so grateful that I was there when she left. Her last words to me, as she flickered her fingers at me from her hospital bed were, "mommy, I love you." What mother could ask for more? She was my best friend, my biggest fan, my companion for so many years. It was just the two of us for lots of years. I divorced when she was 5 and didn't marry again until she was 23. So lots of time for she and I to spend together. We loved each other so. We laughed, and cried, and laughed some more sometimes till we peed our pants....lol. Since both of us were single even as she became a young woman, we "played" together and did some pretty funny stuff. She would always tell me that if I was mean to her she was gonna put me in a home and never come back and get me....then she would get serious about something happening to me and she would cry. She couldn't handle that thought. Its as if God knew she couldn't so he didn't allow her to go through that pain. That may sound crazy, but it helps me think she was spared in some way, because as all of you surely feel, I would have done anything for my child. One mom found her son's bracelet. I too have found things. In particular, I found a Bible verse she wrote on a sticky. It was tucked away somewhere. Psalm 31:1-3. It speaks of God being our fortress and refuge. I have that hanging near me at work so that I read it everyday. Some days its just words, while others its the glue that holds me together. In her own writing. It took me a long time to be able to put a picture of her at my desk. And even now, sometimes its difficult. I want to be at that place where some of you are. Knowing the pain won't leave, but knowing I've learned to deal with it just a bit better. For the mom who's daughter's birthday is my angel date, I agree, that makes us connected, in so many ways. That day holds lots of feelings for us both. I'll always share that day with you. Thank you all for sharing, and mostly for making me feel I'm not alone, and I'm not crazy. What a relief that is. I wish none of us had ever had to be acquainted if it meant having our children back. Unfortunately for us, life didn't give us that choice. I hope in the days and weeks to come, I can be of some help to someone else as you all have been to me. Just reading the words give me a peace. I will continue to read, as has been suggested. I'm in Florida and trust me, it might be sunny right now, but it's not warm. I'm hoping we become sunny Florida soon and I can get out more and get a little more active again and that some sunshine and Vitamin D will help my soul. For now, I'm getting my sunshine from all of you. I've uploaded a picture of my girl. I hope you all can see it. thank you again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mermaid Tears Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Steph's Mom....you are right....your friends..co-workers...family....are going on....all on this site has mentioned that one fact....and that is the way it should be....for life goes forward...but it is hard to see the world keep spinning....when our world just 'stopped'....and I think for myself....it will stay stopped til I can release my hands and grip and I find my place in the world again. Your grief journey will be as unique as your child was unique...it is your grief...it is your story.Thank you for sharing your Baby Girl with us....and love that smile and pigtails..! She reminds me of someone that you could feel like you knew forever after just meeting her. You know...she would not have left you unless she had to....I know that about my John David...and when I have those days when I am down on my knees....I have to say to him...'it's ok Bub..I know you don't want me to be this sad...and I want you to know it's ok'..... Silly to some, I guess...but in some strange way....I want him to know that I am ok...Yes....what I hold dear to the parents on this site is the learning that 'I am not crazy or abnormal...I am just in mourning'.....for there are common threads in this grief journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 All, I thought I would share a few pictures of Jesse, they are both from 2012... Jesse and his sense of fashion... I had a dream of Jesse recently...I take anything I can get... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Becky,that is amazing. My youngest son also had a dream about Geoffrey, but my oldest and my husband have never dreamed of him (that I know of). That your daughter felt that is just wonderful.I know how much we will them to come to us .. don't they know how much pain we're in? I can be working one minute, and the next minute, all I want to do is cry (which I don't like to do at work). But sometimes, I just can't stop myself. There is a Dierks Bentley song ... Think of you ... and it happened to be in Geoffs truck (which we decided to keep ... he worked so very hard to get that on his own at 21 - our way to keep him proud of his accomplishments by keeping it), and one day I was at the cemetary (in Geoffs truck) and that song came on ... and it just hit home. If you get a chance, take a listen. I believe it's about a father thinking of his little child. It was just the timing of hearing it (never had I heard it before), and being in Geoffs truck.Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 This is the truck that Geoff was restoring ... was trying to get it done for a truck show to benefit a friend that was paralyzed in a motor cycle accident ...he was only a few weeks from getting it done!! His father and his old boss are going to finish it .. thank goodness Geoff spoke to enough people about what he wanted/needed to finish it ...because between all his friends and his father/brother, they pretty much know exactly how he wanted it ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 the white truck in the background was his other baby .... and even though you can't see it clearly, the body shop added his name and dates on the hood for the funeral ... and made him a license plate that said "sideways" ... what he wanted to put on the plate when he finished it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Here is the link to the album of pics in our restoration of Jared's 1993 Mustang, https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.320852187934327.82202.298623730157173&type=1&l=c498ad96e2 This link is supposed to allow anyone to view, whether or not you do facebook. Hope it works. It was a labor of love to redo this car. Jared and his dad, Jerry, were supposed to restore it, they had spent hours online looking for the parts necessary, so Jerry took on the project, and I helped. Lots of sweat equity! Wade, I was so touched that you think of Jared when working on your friend's mustang!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members johngeoffdoug Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Wow ... that is alot of work. I am glad that Geoffrey was so close to finishing his ... just a few days before his accident he was in to a place to talk to them about the type of rear end he wanted ... so glad he did that and they remembered. He was so specific about everything he wanted in that truck. It's been a long project for him ... I wish I had pictures from the beginning ... but they were on his phone (and his phone was destroyed in the accident) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Karen, thank you for sharing about Geoff's projects...it is something that Jesse and I bonded over as well...I do not even know how many cars/atv's/motorized vehicles he owned...lost count a long time ago... Becky, looked at the car restoration project. They did a beautiful job on that car..interior is done just perfectly...also thanks for sharing the song that I believe your daughter sang?? Steph's mom, you are a little further along this grief journey. You said, " I feel like life is moving on around me, my friends are going on with their lives as they should, but mine is stuck. I'm afraid they are forgetting her while I can't." That is it exactly for so many of us who visit this site. Here, we can speak our children's name and have them "live" in our life by sharing about them, who they were, what their aspirations were, the little day-to-day stuff we miss, the "lostness" without them, and just being able to say "we miss you so much"...and know others get it and understand... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JD's Mom, Becky Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Laurie, my husband, Jerry and I did the interior work on Jared's car, that was me in the neck brace. all I remember is how hot it was! I would go in and have to wash the pads in my brace that were soaked in sweat. Two of the songs I Posted were me, and one that my daughter did, the Celine Deon song. My songs: http://delmarpopwarner.com/ToWhereYouAre/videoplayer.htm http://delmarpopwarner.com/SeeYouAgain/videoplayer.htm Jasmine's song: http://forums.grieving.com/index.php?app=core&module=attach§ion=attach&attach_id=8914 I gotta stop, I JUsssst can' type! Rats!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse David & Taylor Mom Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 Had this article from Guideposts in my email today...thought I would share http://www.guideposts.org/inspiration/angels-on-earth/heavenly-angels/into-the-light?page=full About ER doctor on the scene and his interaction with a deceased patient and the patient's son Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tobyfreefoot Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 suzanne--my son forest always would worry about me and say to my other kids "what would we do without mom?" one of the first things my daughter said to me was "he won't ever have to lose you mom. he couldn't have handled that" like you it is one of the things i hang on to and the fact he was finishing up grad school and going to have to get a "real job" he was so upset about that. he never wanted to grow up and i guess he was spared that also. small consolation for me but maybe a big one for him i guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guest Posted January 23, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2014 .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mybeautifulgirl Posted January 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Hello Gretchen,I really do relate to your circumstance.Meagan was disabled and an ill young girl. She depended on me for everything and we created a really close bond. I spent many days and nights trying to prepare her for our demise. She went to a respite home not that we needed it, but that she could become used to me not being around for her. This was extremely difficult and heart wrenching as she would cry all night , missing me. I now ask "what was all that heart ache for"? This is the only blessing that has come from her death that she will not have to bear the pain of losing my husband and myself. I hate to think how she would cope without me , I was her everything and she was my everything and her loss is felt greatly.Can't type anymore as I can't see for tears.Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members daveydow1 Posted January 24, 2014 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2014 Wade-----Dalyla is a little beauty. Thanks for the pics. Brookes will surely be smilingdown on his little girl on her birthday. Thanks for the best wishes for my mom's 94 thbirthday. She loved the party. Dee----I love your poem----"Tethered". It expresses the way we feel when we are a bit'rootless' in our grief journey. thanks for posting it. The doves are always coming to our feeders, and I took that pic through the kitchen window. Lora----Good to see Cara's sweet smile. Yes, I do see where time, and all the demandswe have on our time, can sometimes collide, and there seems to be too few hours inthe day. Just come to BI when you can.......Peace to you. Wanda-----You have described the ups and downs of the grief road so well. I've donethe same........thought that "now, I'm getting a handle on this"........only to be hit againwith the waves of grief. In the early times after the loss of a child, it's impossible tobelieve that in time, the grief will get 'softer', but it does. I did not believe this whensomeone told it to me early on. Just hang on, friend, and keep coming to BI. Prayers. Laurie---Thanks for the Celine Dion song. Susan----I loved the saying that you posted......that we don't have to let go of ourdeparted child because they are always with us in our hearts. Very inspiring words. Thanks. Kate------Thanks for your kind words. My mom's birthday party went well.....small, but very nice.Just my two sisters, me, and mom. It was sooooo cold, but we made the day warm. Such asorrowful accident to happen to the little boy in the snow tunnel. His poor parents must be devastated.He was just doing what all boys that age love to do.......play in the snow. Sending prayers for the family. Thinking of all my BI friends that may not have been on BI for awhile....prayers for all. Leah, Betty, Brenda, Rhonda, Greg, Kathy, Trudi,Carol, Cindy, Colleen, Amy, Betsy, Beth, Shelly, Sandy, and so manyothers I'm forgetting. PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS. Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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