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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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YIPEEEE Sherry, how wonderful to see your beautiful Davey smiling out at us. Love you.

Thanks Wade, if I can offer a moment of hope, then I am a happy woman.

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Mermaid Tears

Gravastorm....we on this site know how the heart strings are tugged..on the date your Angel was born...we pray that the memories remind you of how the love poured in when he was placed in your arms...

'I use to hold you in my arms...now I hold you in my heart'....

Be still and you will feel his spirit hugging his Mama....as Dee posted ...'nothing can separate us from our children'.....and I do believe that with all my heart and soul. Peace to you.

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Mermaid Tears

Lora...wanted to let you know how honored I feel when you and others share photos of your child...it is as if...'I smile and sob' at the same time....I can really do that now....

Laurie....your Jesse hugging that cactus...I can feel the humor in his heart...

Wade...I was up this morning at 3:33....

wow...my sleep patterns are returning to the way they were right after John David passed...Friday...I had to get up early for the trip to SA....and...11...12....1:00.....3:00...4:00 came and went....finally fell asleep sometime before 5...another day of 'zombie walk'....

I am going to have to take a page from Dee's notebook and start walking each day....I know that will do me more good than any sleeping pill....I have good intentions....now I need to focus on putting it in action.....I will let everyone know how the progress goes....

The play was stupendous....and Austin was awesome....(now you have to remember I am his Nonnie).....I have Certified Bragging Permits....it is quite a change to see him on a foreign stage....of course we have seen him on the High School and Blinn stages.....then to see people clamoring around him for autographs and photos after the play....I was not prepared for all that and I was awestruck for sure....but...'busting out with pride'....his essence has not changed since he was born....he is an 'old soul'....for someone who has such an array of talent....he has an uncommon amount of common sense and wisdom for his age. We had to leave very early Sunday morning to get Taylor back for a Heritage Belle photography session....so our 'chat time' was short.....but then again....it is never long enough.

Shannon....well you are certainly feeling the love around you with all that Trista's friends do to keep her 'in thought, heart and spirit'.....the pumpkins are proof of that...a balm for your broken heart...

Becky....you always have a card in the deck that amazes me with your talent...the cracks in your broken heart shine through with your love and devotion...and you are right...we will not leave our children behind....we are taking them with us on the journey...

Colleen.....thank you for sharing that 'gift' given to you....I will post my experience later...if I do it now...I get so emotional...and for today....I need to stay upright....not on my knees...I know you understand what I mean....

Wade....what a labor of love for your child and ours....thank you so much...did you read the post I wrote....that your Brooks looks a lot like my Jeremy....Jeremy is the baby of our family....he, too, was a super baseball player....John David always had him in his arms...anyway Jeremy is now 30...he lives in Portland..works for Nike as a Computer Network specialist....wish he lived near us....but....I know I must let my children...'walk..run..fly' into their future....

Kate....how are you and your Best Boyfriend doing....? Can you post a photo of the lake you always refer to ? Your words make me long to see it all.

Gretchen....love that GRANDdaughter....and soon....you will have another....I am sorry but maybe I missed it...another girl or boy.....my GRANDchildren have been a great source of joy...and remind me....of all the blessings I do have...I now have 14....geez....I don't know how that happened....for I am '29 Again'.....I so respect your grasp of 'going ahead'....and making the best of today....for we have to circle our children...and give them a handle to hold on to....

Oh...for those who have children and GRANDchildren....I just finished making my new GRANDson...his Trick r Treat bag...my 14th...I make one for each...and have made them for my daughter's friends children, also....I buy the canvas bags from Walmart...design Halloween art on the Iron on transfer papers....iron them on....then use the 'Scripto Paints' to make designs...a memory keeper....and so easy....

posting a photo of Jeremy for you Wade...and the Trickr Treat bags....post-306805-0-25665800-1382971771_thumb.post-306805-0-02661500-1382971823_thumb.post-306805-0-48756800-1382971857_thumb.

left to right...Jeremy, Hunter Bear, John David and Daniel....bags...front and back....

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Mermaid Tears

Lora....here are photos of Austin...

cast...post-306805-0-16823600-1382973154_thumb.

Austin in rehearsalpost-306805-0-79393000-1382973168_thumb.

Poster...him in glassespost-306805-0-32062000-1382973306_thumb.post-306805-0-48001700-1382973362_thumb.

formal dinner....post-306805-0-69202500-1382973471_thumb.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Happy Heavenly Birthday Alex! You are a beautiful soul...Wishing you comfort and peace today Gravastorm...

**********************************************

Been reading the posts, looking at the pictures...I have said this many times before, but I am so thankful that there is this "place", where we can share our hurts and grieve with others that walk on the same path...

Special thanks to Dee, Sherry, Kate and Colleen for stayin' on for the rest of us...

Of course Carol, I treasure your posts when you are able...

So to the many that come here, thank you for sharing about your children, it is an honor to hear about them....

************************************************

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Susan, I wish you well with walking, I have been walking almost daily since I was a young girl, about 12. I think I was walking to relieve the stress of my hardships at home as a kid...I don't know that I knew it was what drove me to walking but I soon figured it out and just kept on walking. Today however, I woke to an enormous muscle spasm in my back and have been literally hobbling all day, looking forward to seeing the chiropractor at 4:00 today. It has been tiring to use my body in any way without pain today. My students were great though, and so we got through it. I am crooked and my right leg has much less strength than my left...ow.

I hope everyone is having as good a day as you can. If you have not watched that video that Col sent, try to as it is more uplifting than one could imagine.

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Susan...thank you for that picture at the ocean. All the boys being together. So cool! Is Hunter Bear Jeremy's son? I know you posted his football pic earlier. #67 right? That's what John David's number was too, right? I think I saw Jeremy's pic on the deck. I do see a resemblance. Got that clean cut athletic build. What position did he play? Brooks played catcher, 3rd, short, 2nd, center field. He really could do it all. I guess that's why he got scouts to look at him. Utility player is what they said. Oh, for those days again...

That's so cool about Austin. Talented young man with a bright future. Is this what he wants to continue? Kind of funny about the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It's the only movie I ever walked out of...just couldn't understand it. I'll bet the play is a lot better.

Lora...I'm looking forward to that day when all I see about Brooks is the fantastic memories we shared. Starting to think a little more about the homicide part. Not angry, but I wish I just knew more...although it was pretty cut and dried. Still waiting for his personal effects...

Have a wonderful day everyone.

Beautiful weekend...60s-70s...snow last night. My wife beat me to see Brooks' first snow at his grave. She wiped all the snow away. She felt bad cuz she thought I wanted to see it...I told her I was going to do the same thing. Love you Hun...Love you Brooks.

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post-355430-0-48873400-1382992228_thumb.

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My daughter and I have been working really hard on grief counselling and group grief.

Finding it very tough and exhausting. This week we only have one session.

Last week we had Compassionate Friends, private therapy session, a "grief share" on Wed. and a loss of a child group, on Thursday.

If we bring home one thing from each meeting that helps, they are worth it.

One of the ladies in the loss of a child group had a reading done by Theresa Caputo. out of 3000 people her daughter came through (along with about 10 other readings), she said it was amazing,

Theresa knew things that she would never have known.

She said that it really helped her.

Not sure how i feel about mediums, it seemed to help her knowing her daughter was at peace.

Hoping to get some relief from the pain by "meeting my grief head on" also hearing to "lean into it" this seems to be the common theme, not keeping it in. But as you all know, its so difficult and painful this journey.

I read the post here for support, you all have such good advise and kind words to say too.

Missing you Lane today and everyday. Lov you too the moon and back!!

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Happy birthday, Alex

Alex, Alex, Alex, his name is forever music to you ears.

Sending love to you

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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Emily's Mom

As time goes on, we realize that the days leading up to an event are usually worse than the event itself. I am so glad you and your family could smile a bit on a tough day.

Your Emily has a lot of great company in heaven.

I think of this a lot. Our kids are together in heaven. That thought brings me peace.

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Gravastorm,

I'm glad you were able to spend time with Alex's friends on his birthday. I hope that brought you some comfort and you felt the presence of your Son in your heart.

Wade,

Doing the pumpkins for Trista really did help a little to get through this. I'm glad her friends and family did this. With everyone being so spread out some people took pictures and posted, others brought them to her garden or site. If you do that for Brooks please post pictures.

Wanda,

I'm glad you have so many resources available where you are. We don't have all those resources around here. I'm glad you and your daughter are able to do those things together.

I've been reading and love seeing the pictures. I've not been feeling well for a couple of days. It's hard to know sometimes if I'm coming down with something or if it's just grief exhaustion but I'm pretty sure I may be getting sick. Just trying to get enough rest and get over it.

Sending thoughts and prayers for peace and comfort for all of us tonight.

Here are a couple collages I did for Trista. One is of some of the pumpkins done for her and the other is of past Halloweens.post-328114-0-89680600-1383012694_thumb.

post-328114-0-70442500-1383012721_thumb.

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BELATED HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, ALEX. Gravastorm...I hope that your sweet son's spirit surrounded you with the memories that help us to heal.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Shannon, are you planning any decorations for winter on Trista’s site...I had order the LCD solar powered white lights and plan on wrapping them on the shepherd’s hook at Jesse’s site...I have to think what I want to do for the winter hanging basket yet...some things I will leave there over winter...I actually shoveled the area last year...

Wade, wondering how the slideshow is going...thank you for thinking of all our angels...seeing the footprints in the snow to Brook’s site...for some reason that just stuck with me...

Becky, have you had any more headway working directly with the reconstructionist? I know how hard that is...

Susan, ..”I was up this morning at 3:33....wow...my sleep patterns are returning to the way they were right after John David passed...Friday...I had to get up early for the trip to SA....and...11...12....1:00.....3:00...4:00 came and went....finally fell asleep sometime before 5...another day of 'zombie walk'....”

I have been having more and more trouble sleeping as well...go to bed late, wake up constantly...even my medication isn’t working as well anymore...

Lora, “I was mad at God because I wanted it to be me and I wanted to have that choice.”

I have struggled with this so intensely. Yes, I wanted it to be me...there was a time before Jesse died that I thought I was going to die...I remember looking into the moon one night in August before the accident and having such a strong feeling that I was looking at it for the very last time, it was a "distinct" feeling...I could feel something, a "knowing" sense...

Colleen, “Our kids are together in heaven. That thought brings me peace.” This is what brings me peace as well...to imagine what Jesse is doing now and that he is alive and well...

Kate, hope you and Ross are doing okay...thinking of you both today...

Debbie, wishing you a peaceful day after Emily’s first angelversary...she is a beautiful girl...

Dee, I hope your back gets healed soon, do massages help? Also, I agree with you, the video was very touching ...I looked at his eyes when he spoke, you could see pain flash by yet there were flashes of joy at moments that only God could impart...

Carol, so nice to see your post...the pictures of you and Lucy by the beach are still in my mind...

Sherry, I miss your postings! Hope to see you on soon...

Gravastorm, hope to hear more about your son, Alex...

Wanda, I know you are in a very low place right now...it is a hard journey this one...

Thanks for those who commented on Jesse’s hugging cactus picture...I miss him ((((SO MUCH)))...I tell him "I love you" all the time, so he can “hear” those words in his spirit body...

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Shorty6, I think about this all the time too. I have had people contact me and tell me they had a message from their husband or child. They will tell me details of something we did that day or music that has been on my mind. they will tell me Emily sent them a message through their passed loved one. So, I know we meet each other when we pass. When I hear of a young person passing, I hope that Emily is there for that child. I can see them all working together to get a message across to each other's loved ones who are still here.

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Jesse David's Mom, It has actually been a bit harder since Emily's angelversary. But I know this is all part of it. I try to keep that in mind when the waves are the strongest. Thank you for thinking of me.

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Jesse David's Mom, It has actually been a bit harder since Emily's angelversary. But I know this is all part of it. I try to keep that in mind when the waves are the strongest. Thank you for thinking of me.

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Jesse David's Mom, It has actually been a bit harder since Emily's angelversary. But I know this is all part of it. I try to keep that in mind when the waves are the strongest. Thank you for thinking of me.

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Mermaid Tears

Each of our children are unique....and it comes with no surprise....that our grief journey will be as unique as they are.....

and it will be a solitary journey....for I cannot grieve the way my daughter grieves for her brother....my son for his brother....my sister for her nephew....or my husband for his son....

A Mother wants to 'heal' a problem...

A Dad wants to 'fix' a problem....

this is simply a common thread into the persona of 'who' we are ...even before our child passed...

that doesn't mean we are 'alone'...for we will have kindred spirits to help and support and love us on the way....

for the relationship we have with our child was unique when they walked the earth...so the unique path when they are not by our side shall create the 'solitary' journey.

I find I am possessive..of my 'grief walk'.....I am like a small child and say...'Here, let me do it my way'.....for I know in some deep, deep 'knowing'....that I have to do it 'my way'....for me to go through it...no hurry...no quick steps in this program...'No Maam'....just let me have my way...I know I flounder...I know I fall...I know I am not abnormal....I am simply 'in mourning'....it is mine.

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back on my mom's computer again.

susan--not doing so well today but thanks. i try.

here are some pics from carving pumpkins for forest. i am happy with the turn out but what i really want is to not have to have such an event.post-298275-0-06202500-1383069518_thumb.post-298275-0-02740100-1383069989_thumb.post-298275-0-05615900-1383070371_thumb.

really missing my son today

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Gretchen,

"i am happy with the turn out but what i really want is to not have to have such an event"

I want to look forward to the holidays with my kids the way I always have. I hate having to figure out how to "get through" them instead. The pictures do look like a good turnout and I love the picture of your granddaughter.

Susan,

I really like the trick or treat bags. What a neat idea. I loved the pictures of Austin in the play. That must have been such a proud moment to see people asking for his autograph!

I'm very possessive of my journey as well, and very private with a lot of things. I share much more here than anywhere else. It is mine. Some things I couldn't explain to others no matter how understanding they may be or how much I might want to because it is unexplainable. There are no words. Coming to this place is such a blessing to me in that even though each of our journeys is as individual as our children, our lives, and ourselves, I find so much that I do identify with. I hate that any of us have to walk this path but since we do I'm thankful that we have been brought together.

Debbie,

I'm thinking of you. I've not been through the first year yet but have heard from others that the days before and after are the hardest.

Laurie,

I'm not sure what I'm going to do for Christmas and winter at Trista's site and Garden yet. I know I'll put up a small tree in her garden for her and the boys and I will decorate in a special way. Trista loved the magic of the Christmas season. She liked to decorate every room in the house including the bathrooms. She just loved holidays and celebrating period. I was thinking the same thing about somethings that could stay up for the winter. White lights, and natural decorations like with evergreen and pine cones. Tris loved those kinds of decorations. This is going to be so hard. I want to choose things that will be special for her like I did for her Halloween decorations. I may even try to get crafty and make something special.

Lora,

I have felt that anger too. I wish I'd had the choice. That's something I'm still struggling with. Just typing that sentence brought tears.

Sherry,

Good to see you back! I hope you're able to keep posting.

I'm feeling a little better today. I think it may allergies/sinus problems bringing me down. I went to Trista's site and spent a long time there yesterday. Aiden ran around looking for pretty rocks to leave for Sissy. Today we are going to go and read The Nightmare Before Christmas. Trista read that book to Aiden so many times.

Thinking of everyone today and wishing a peaceful day.

Shannon

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Mermaid Tears

I do understand....the shades are off and we can focus a little better....and can see that long, long road that runs on and on....without our boy....

and another reality is setting in...

and the sun rises...

night comes again...

and it all starts over again..

without him...

we are just 'at this place' in the journey....and there is nothing that can be done except to go through it...

This is something I wrote....and will speak louder for those that are on the year 2 or 3 of the grief journey....of course, when I say him....or boy...I mean my John David....just put your child's name there....

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Susan, “I find I am possessive..of my 'grief walk'.....I am like a small child and say...'Here, let me do it my way'.....for I know in some deep, deep knowing'....that I have to do it 'my way'....for me to go through it...no hurry...no quick steps in this program...”

Shannon, “Some things I couldn't explain to others no matter how understanding they may be or how much I might want to because it is unexplainable. There are no words.”

I say yes to both of these thoughts…my grief is what holds me right now…

For me, being the second child loss, there are no words I can even use to define this experience…

Debbie, there is a change that I have felt after the first year of grief…thank you for sharing your connections with Emily….

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Thanks Susan. I have been taking a break from posting this past week. To tell you the truth I felt completely worn out from the past few months with my husbands illness. I was starting to slip into my old familiar dissociating ways again. I am a master at blocking things out. At any rate I found that I have actually been able to sleep the clock around. Some nights a full nine hours! Ross is doing ok. We are off to the city tomorrow to meet with more docs and also tests. Our weather has turned in very cool and that as well sent me into a deep downward spiral. I decided to keep as busy as possible with decorating, etc. I have been having many dreams of Jeff and just feel him so close again. I know he would not want me to be like this. I certainly am thinking of each and everyone of you daily. Love, Kate

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Kate it is good to see you post, I am glad to hear you got some refreshing sleep....

Sending prayers your way for tomorrow...

Gretchen, sorry to hear you are at a low point...thank you for sharing the pictures of your event..

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Mermaid Tears

Yes Laurie...it is good that you recognize the you carry your two boys on your grief walk...that is why I say you are close to the Spirit....you have twice the burden..twice the exhaustion of grief...twice the tears...

You walk a very ...very sad journey...you will need all the 'love and kindness' you can bestow on 'YOURSELF'....hang on with both hands. We have your back.

SO GOOD to hear from you, Kate....you rest and heal.

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Laurie,

"For me, being the second child loss, there are no words I can even use to define this experience…"

I echo Susan in saying, "We have your back".

Kate,

I'm sorry to hear you're at a low point right. It's good that you are able to feel Jeff draw close through this. I'm glad to read that Ross is doing okay.

I've been having the same elusive sleep patterns as many others. I cannot fall asleep and wake up at the oddest times. I just try to rest when I can.

Shannon

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Thinking of all of you and you are in my prayers. I read often, but just don't have words to share at the end of busy days but I get a lot of strength by just reading. You are all strong supportive people, which is evident in all of the posts. Have a restful evening. Sandy

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Mermaid Tears

I wish to post....this is for Laurie....but...I know that there are 'some' on this site that has had the journey to have lost two...yes...two children....you received messages...you had a 'knowing'....and I can't but believe that came from your child that had passed before...that is why I say....you are closer to the Spirit....it is another path you are on....and another kind of grief journey.....we are all just travelers here....but we do come together for the common thread.....you have a greater burden...another level of cry....and all I can say is...we are here for you....so.....keep us informed...keep us in the loop...if it is bad...that is ok....if it is worse...that is ok ...we will be there in the low spots....to help you carry forward....

sorta like crossing a deep creek in a wagon....we are on the bank....yelling...and crying out....'hey....we are here for you....ride the deep end....give the horse his lead...he will carry you to through the other side...Hang On With Both Hands....

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Mermaid Tears

Dee...as always....I need to read your postings....hope your visit with the Dr. went good...and you get relief from your pain....it hurts me that you have that.....

but I am needy....and as always....if you don't post...I get 'panicky'....have you ever had those 'little trigger shots'.....?? I had this horrific back pain...ran down my leg....5 years ago...could not walk...except with a limp...my PA gave me a 'trigger shot'....in my buttocks..right where I felt the pain....a low dose of steroids....to bath the area....and it worked....just want you to feel comfort and healing....I have a 'walking story' for you, too...later....

so glad to hear from Kate...

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Staying in that same vein Susan, We will circle the wagons. And we do don't we, we circle each other when that full support is called for, we are like a family of elephants, we protect those in the circle. We all have our times in the circle, and we all have those times as the protectors.

Speaking of protector, I am okay Shannon, hurting but okay. I am healing and still working but the adjustment was huge and it was structural this time, not muscular. So he thinks my disk went a bit wonky and I am going to heal slowly but today I began slow and was able to straighten and move with more ease. A little bit at a time. I'll take it, as long as everything can keep working. Thanks Dear, and I will look forward to your walking story. I will be glad when I can go for a real walk again, maybe by Thursday if lucky.

To those feeling so low, I am holding you close in thought and in hope. Going to bed, know that I will count your sweet names as I fall to sleep.

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Trista's Mom, The first year came too fast but yet felt like forever. My heart goes out to you. I wish I didn't have to do another year. I don't want her to be gone another year. I pray that I can accept more so I can really take in the visits and signs. Hugs to you.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Debbie, I don't know if you noticed the picture I used for Emily, but if you clicked on it, it enlarges and you can see an angel on the bridge...I know this is a hard time after the angelversary...

Wanda, thinking of you tonight..

Wade, how are you doing???

Sandy, nice to see your post...and that you are getting support from reading what other have shared....I know you have a lot on your plate...

Susan, what you write...it is very touching...thank you for helping me though the day...and Shannon for your thoughts too...

Dee, I hope your back starts healing...it is really difficult to be on the job when you feel like that...will pray for you tonight...

Your analogy of the elephant family is so good...

Thought that I would post a link to elephant behavior from PBS

http://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/episodes/unforgettable-elephants/elephant-emotions/5886/

Good night to everyone, wishing you peaceful dreams and a restful sleep...

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I love that Jared is able to take part in this, how wonderful that he has found some places to talk and let others know of his beautiful Sister.

Day of the Dead is hugely celebrated in Chicago, in fact we have a Mexican/Latin Arts Museum where at this time of year, the Day of the Dead displays are amazing. We have an alter in our public school as we have K-5 Spanish Immersion Classes adn the teacher who decorates and provides the alter is in the next class to me, however yesterday her Momma died suddenly so I don't know that Gloria will be at school for the celebration this year. Sad, prayers for Gloria and family. I always get to put Erica's photo on the table. Our fifth graders that are in Spanish Immersion actually learn to make the sugar skulls that decorate the alters.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Love all the tributes, pictures, events that you have planned around and for your angels.

Found these pics looking through my files....

post-297831-0-46796300-1383136854_thumb. Made JD's head piece to match his pajamas.

post-297831-0-34287800-1383136866_thumb. Made Jasmine's pajamas, bought JD's.

post-297831-0-44325500-1383136900_thumb. Made both Jasmine and JD pajamas from the cartoon, 'Chucky and Angelica'.

post-297831-0-53501100-1383136909_thumb. Jasmine, JD and friend, Keon.

Been busy trying to get my house in order, windows, carpets, washing cats, etc., in between running to my parents house at least every other day helping them. Tired, tired, tired...

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Mermaid Tears

Becky....I see a lot of 'bustin' our with pride' in those photos....the fabric that makes the tapestry of a family.....and all the love in every stitch of what you created...thank you for sharing...

Are you doing a Fall Cleaning...?? My Grama would turn the house inside out in the Fall and the Spring....she would say she felt like she was on vacation when she did that...maybe I need to do something like that....put a new breath of fresh air in my home....for now...even my home seems to have a 'sad atmosphere'.....

I am glad you have other family to help you with your parents....and they are so blessed to have you....for it goes beyond a labor of love...a high calling....a rich mixture of love and respect...once again....you are leaving no stone unturned.

The Day of the Dead.....have always been fascinated by other cultures and countries that have another pair of glasses in dealing with 'Death and Dying'.....here in America....we seem to close the door on everything except 'youth and smooth skin'.....

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Mermaid Tears

My Walking Story....

In 1974 when I had Jesse....my marriage was going to hell in a hand basket....(no need for details...just read between the lines).....anyway....I had to take Jesse in for his 3 month check up.....and his Dr. was not there...a substitute...and older Dr....who I had met before....

Jesse was healthy...but I did tell the Dr. that he seemed fretful and did not sleep as well as my two older children had when they were babies.....

He looked at me...asked a few questions.....checked Jesse over good.....(now...just about everyone knew my story in town...and my EX...and his family).....

He then told me to put Jesse in a stroller and walk for 45 minutes to an hour...EVERY morning and afternoon....EVERY day.....and he would start eating and sleeping better.

Those were the days when I had a blind faith in what a Dr. said.....if old Dr. Outlar (in my hometown) had told me to put cow poo-poo on their heads....I would have.

So....I started walking...and soon....Jesse made a complete turn around....started eating good...and sleeping all night.....gee...what a fantastic Dr. !!!

It wasn't til years later....that I gained enough insight to know what that Dr. really did....

He knew...I was the one that needed to walk...I was the one that needed to clear my head and start eating and sleeping....

He was wise enough to know if he told me to do it for me....I probably wouldn't....but....I would for my baby....oh yes....

Then after I got back to Texas....me and Margaret Ann started walking every afternoon....I pushed Jesse in his stroller....but it was a chance for us to 'talk and talk and talk' without interruptions...children...phones.....our time to thrash out every problem....I remember us talking about the same problems over and over....and finally...like beating a dead horse to death....they were 'solved' and sent to the sky.....even when Jesse got too big for his stroller ....we still had our walking time....

She passed away....in 2005......everytime I would start to walk....I would start to cry...I missed her so much...with every step.....

Once again I am not eating or sleeping right....

And so I will take a page from Dee's notebook.....and will start walking again...it is a good thing...

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Becky, thanks for posting the pictures...I liked the pajamas in the top photo, they are really adorable...

Susan, let us know how the walking goes...I was going to the park by our town's catholic church in the summer...during the noon hour they would play different songs on their chapel bells, the sound was beautiful...

Thinking of you Kate...

Dee, have you tried an Epsom Salt soak? Old-fashioned remedy but we think it helps with pains and aches...

Lora, thanks for thinking of me today...


I was invited to attend a special meeting at our church to help develop some remembrance ceremonies during the holidays...it went very well...the one deaconess felt the need to really do something for people who lost loved ones...in her own family, her brother loss his adult son 5 weeks ago to a heart condition and then his other son, had to undergo heart surgery last week and it did not go so well...so this is something on her heart to do...

It was decided to light a special memorial candle every Sunday during December, develop a christmas remembrance tree in the foyer and provide poinsettas to families for the loved one...

I was also able to share some of my grief materials with them as they would like to strengthen their bereavement support to families...


Still very fatigued lately...thinking of those who haven't posted today as well...it is just a tiring journey...

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening...

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Laurie....I can only think that having you to contribute to...'a remembrance' would give others another layer to 'think and do' about....who better than you?? I know you have to call on something very deep to be able to contribute...and be front and center.....I know that you have the heart and soul to know what it would mean...not only to you and your family....but to others to see their loved ones...'remembered'.....

For the deep places in our hearts...we want to do something that our child is remembered...they left so early....they don't have much of a 'footprint' to leave....so our child will want his Mama..his Daddy....to do that for them....just as we did things for them when they were by our side....and we will...

It is hard to decide 'the what ..where..when'....but...something will come through the cracks of our broken hearts to shine on what it shall be....

The fog clears in increments...we gain insight a little at a time....we get a message...from

'somewhere'.....or remember...a past conversation....and we know...just what we should do...

this is something that takes a long...long time....and that is ok....we will arrive at what we should do...and where we should be....and where we should be at....and it will be our timing...not any others time....just yours...just mine...

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Just wanted to stop by and share something I received today on FB. Been an emotional week dealing with some issues that had to be put to rest with Brooks' college stuff, finances, truck....you all know. And then Halloween coming up... Went to Compassionate Friends last night with Renea. Again, lots of emotion...but this was very special. She was one of my favorite students and a friend of Brooks too.

Also wanted to extend prayers and thoughts to everyone...thank you for your's as well. They truly make a difference.

Will have slide show done this weekend. I have more pics now to put in it.....our angels are so precious.

Wade

Mr. Greenlee, I just want you to know that I miss brooks so much even though time carried us down different paths. Your son had a heart of gold and I always knew that, it shines through his eyes and smile. I know this message is a bit random but I am in a communications class up at wnc and our assignment is to get up and present any type of speech. A congratulatory speech, an acceptance speech, or a speech you wish you gave but were too scared to get up and speak. I was too afraid to speak at brook's celebration of life because I felt people would think shesh, who is this girl, she didn't know him all that well, but, you know what, I knew him well enough to know he was an amazing person who cared for many just as much as many cared for him. I felt it would be the right thing to do to let you know that Tonight I am going to be speaking of my friend brooks and saying the things I wish I had the courage to say at his ceremony. I love you mr. Greenlee and I'm going to do my best to make brooks proud! God bless you

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I was watching this video from Compassionate Friends and thought I would share the link...

Also, thanks Wade for all your efforts on the slideshow of remembrance...I thought the post from Brook's friend was very touching...

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Wade....you are standing in the gap....and standing very powerful...proud...

you are leaving no stone unturned....

you are standing in a place and time that no parent has any booklet...(and you being a teacher...where is the classroom that could give you the instructions for this).....??

You have your 'place'....you have your 'heart'....and you have your Brooks...you have his back....

We know our children...

We know of them..

We know about them...

We know for them....

As Dee has said...'not the train...not the cancer...not the illness...not the car wreck...not the disease...not the accident...shall separate us from our children'.....

for you....I just want you to know that I...and we....all think...you are doing what you feel you should...so follow your instinct...and it will be what you need....

someone posted that the footsteps in the snow resonated with them....and it really spoke to me, also....I sometimes have to collect what I think and feel....but I will let you know when the message of the 'footprints in the snow' say to me.....

We do not have to 'rise above it all'....all the time...it is ok...for the 'anger'....the right anger is an emotion for us to have use for....wrong anger means self destruction or destruction to others.....use your anger...and it will serve you well. Remember...you are not abnormal...you are just in 'mourning'....

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So sorry Wade... I meant to say what that 'friend' of Brooks said was so heartfelt...and really sent a 'zing' to my heart...Bless her...Bless you and yours....caption what she says....for I am sure...it speaks for many....it spoke to me....

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