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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Right on Susan, with your words to Becky. Though I do believe that at some point, packing it up is a way to take that next step, you always know where those documents and hard work are. I know when our case was done, after four years, I was very ready to pack it up so that I could realign my spirit and my energy and take some new steps. Prayers.

Wanda, placing the cross will be hard but good, it is an action that may make your heart feel like a piece found another piece, a tiny rebuilding as you walk this very difficult road. Bringing awareness is a big undertaking, but who better??? than those who are living in the shadow of this ache. Good luck, and cry if you feel it, ugly or not, those are tears that mean something huge.

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Wanda,

Every week I take fresh flowers to the site where Trista's accident happened. It is also a dangerous intersection. Trista's accident happened in on June 1st. Hers was the fourth accident at that intersection in 5 months. All of them happening the exact same way. I believe the only reason the other accidents didn't have fatalities is because none of the other cars had passengers and they are all hit on that side by a vehicle speeding through the intersection. I am still waiting on my accident reconstruction report so I cannot do much until I have some proof for what I already believe. Until then, the spot where the accident happened has been set up in Trista's honor and to raise awareness of the dangers there. Until I am able to move forward in my fight, I want to make sure no one forgets. There are some things there brought by others and I have a vase that I keep filled with fresh daisies. It is very hard to go there. In fact I just got back. I usually go on Saturdays because Trista died on a Saturday but yesterday was Aiden's party. My grandmother went with me today. It's the first time she's taken part in this part of my Saturday ritual but she found it healing. She said it was very emotional but she felt like she was helping to do something when there is nothing else she can do. I cry when I go. While I'm standing there tending to the spot where my daughter died and cars and trucks are speeding past me at 70 or 80 mph, I want to scream, to throw rocks at them, but I will continue to do this as long as it takes. I hope it is something that is good for you as well.

After visiting Trista's Angel spot we went to her site. Two of my nieces spent the night last night and when they found out they were going to get to go to Trista's site, they wanted to do something special. They used every artificial flower and feather and butterfly I had and created some very lovely arrangements for Trista's site. Anyone driving by will not be able to help but notice the color explosion! They helped trim the grass and clean off all the items left by people. It was nice to have all the kids there. They brought a soccor ball. Since there are only three sites there right now there is plenty of room for the kids to run. We spent a long time there today.

Dee,

Thank you for your kind words about Trista's gifts yesterday.

Thinking of everyone,

Shannon

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My little football princess!

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oops, did not come out.

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Hello Indigo's, I'm stopping in for a minute to let you all know that I always hold you all close to my heart and mind. I don't get a chance to visit very often lately . Pat, thank you so much for thinking of Rich and saying his name . It means so much to me !!

I've been doing ok and some day's I laugh and carry on like I used to before Rich died. I have read some and know all too well the feeling of not knowing who we/I are anymore. It's a day to day thing with me. One day I'll be ok and ready to go and wham! A dream that knocks me for a loop. Rich and Sarah were in the dream, 11 and 13 years old. Odd that I know their ages but where we were in the dream gave me clues. It made for a very bad next day. It was nice to see " us ", me, Rich and Sarah, as we once were but so sad that this will never be again. Back up the next day. The up's are more then the downs though. SO Indigo's, you are not alone and our babies fly high together. One day at a time.

Peace on this very beautiful day.

post-278995-0-49507400-1379888050_thumb.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Thinking of everyone today.....wishing everyone a restful evening and peaceful dreams of our loved ones...

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Betsy, so great to see you here today. And wonderful to read that there are more ups than downs. Lovely. The dragonfly is gorgeous, your camera is your wonderful eye on the world. Thanks for touching base, I miss you.

Laurie, our tears are communication too, I agree.

Shannon, bringing awareness is necessary if we are to help make this world safer for the next person. Good for you. We do what we can while we can, and when we need to move forward we do. It sounds as though the area that Trista was killed is in great need of voices to speak out. You have good words, someone has to listen.

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Shannon, its very very discouraging to stand on the place where our kids died and have cars and trucks speed past, pull out in front of other cars. its crazy, where lane died is also a very busy intersection with major accidents constantly and yes death prior to lanes and don't doubt after.

It was a very very hard sorrow-filled day, i am drained, i have cried most of the day, my chest hurts so bad.

I am so very sad. and exhausted, heartbroken, only in my nightmares would i have ever thought i would be here, as i am sure all of you feel the same. i am so defeated today....

Cross

Cross

Cross

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

It was a very very hard sorrow-filled day, i am drained, i have cried most of the day, my chest hurts so bad.

I am so very sad. and exhausted, heartbroken, only in my nightmares would i have ever thought i would be here, as i am sure all of you feel the same. i am so defeated today....

We all understand those days...

I feel like I don't fully belong in the world of people I encounter aside from this forum....I am around those with intact families and know they have no realization that in a split second you can lose your entire life...all your dreams, hopes, all that you were...at this time I just cannot force myself to participate in the "merriment of life" that others so easily have...since I can't or won't fake that, I guess I walk a lonely path for now...

My only saving grace is that I will see my son in heaven...this is actually my second child loss, I had an infant son that died as well some years ago...

Many who are further down the path of grief have said the raw pain eventually dulls...

Here is a poem I wrote a few month's ago...

Hopes and Dreams Lost

Today I touched what you left behind,

Oh, so many memories attached to it all.

I gently rub my fingers across the last shirt you wore,

And try to inhale your remaining scent embedded in the fabric.

Packing and sorting your life, your hopes and dreams that will never be...

What am I searching for among this earthly stuff?

Perhaps trying in vain to recreate that which is lost,

And I want to pretend so hard that yesterday never happened….

I remember the words of Jesus, “In my house are many mansions…”

Prepare my heavenly place next to you, oh so close,

Where you will always be within the reach of my embrace…

Your Mom forever…

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"I feel like I don't fully belong in the world of people I encounter aside from this forum....I am around those with intact families and know they have no realization that in a split second you can lose your entire life...all your dreams, hopes, all that you were...at this time I just cannot force myself to participate in the "merriment of life" that others so easily have...since I can't or won't fake that, I guess I walk a lonely path for now.."

Laurie, that's how i feel too i find i am looking for people who hurt like i do, i find myself looking at people's faces to see if they carry the same pain. And yes i cant get into the normals of life, mine or anyone else. i have no normal. i am sleeping with my daughter still, i am in pain most of the time, i am anxious when i leave my house, uneasy at night, the dark is now a scary place, most of the lights are on when i sleep... nothing is even close to how it was...

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Hand me downs

At first,

our grief wears us,

we are attached like a blanket dragging behind a child,

we bump and tumble behind the wake of it all,

getting battered and bruised beyond recognition-

dirty and scarred-

we are an accessory to the whole idea of LOSS.

Somehow we don’t even know how the calendar pages turn-

but they do.

After a while when the shock begins to dissipate,

we wear our grief-

like hand-me-downs that never quite fit right,

too long, too short, too heavy, way too heavy-

and uncomfortable.

We did not ask to wear these only-for-other-people-clothes

-the idea of them is too much to comprehend-

how am I this person without that person?

Who am I now?

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I am so glad I found this site. I see my pain and fight is not unique. I read down (way down) to Becky's story and how she fought for her son in his death. I too am in the fight of my own life for my daughter's name. Many have told me to give it all up, let it go, let her go, get over it, nothing will bring her back, accept the police's report, and so on, but WILL NOT!!.. There are far too many discrepancies in the entire event and circumstances to believe any of it and I feel I MUST have more information for closure and to get to a place where I can find some kind of peace - whatever that is going to look like??? Her death was by drowning and she was almost 36 yrs. old. The story is very complicated and an autopsy was involved, as well as the local police.

I do have to work today so don't have a lot of time to get into details of her death, but I would very much like to if all of you would be so kind to listen and help me. It seems i can't find anyone "in real life" that cares - or wants to listen, much less try to "understand" what I am attempting to accomplish with my quest of answers.

I am in so much pain it is absolutely unbearable. I can't sleep, I don't care if I eat... I can't hardly get thru each day at work. I try to begin work very early in the mornings so I can leave and come home, then I just sit and cry or try and research the answers I seek.

For example - I just rec'd the autopsy report back in my Friday's mail and it is all WRONG.. Now today, I have to call the Medical Examiner's office and explain to them all the errors. Why the errors you say? Because the police dep't that investigated the death did not give the correct info to the ME's office. (not to mention the PD did not perform the investigation properly, either). Then I have my State's Ombudsmen's Office involved as well and I am communicating with her via email. She is going to take my case to THE Ombudsmen (herself) soon, possibly today to see if they can help me chastise the police dep't for not investigating properly, to give me the investigation reports, and call them out on not acquiring a Walmart Surveillance Video as they were commanded to do by the ME's office. If they tell me NO, they won't help me, then I will confront the PD myself. The preparation for that will be the performance of my life in my daughter's honor and name. I plan for it to be flawless and have a come back for everything he attempts to say.

On top of all of this - I just completed chemotherapy for lung cancer on June 10th, and then lost my daughter on July 6. She left behind her 11 yr. old daughter who I am now legal guardian of.... So, on top of all the grieving, questioning, document preparation, communications, anger, crying, fighting, wondering, visiting the site of her death and so on - I have to keep it somewhat together for HER...... She is doing quite well and sometimes almost laughs (or at the very least smiles) at me when I am crying or mourning. She missed her mom and does feel the loss, but not like I do, no way, not near like I do.....

Well, must start my day for work - I work from home for about 2 hrs. then go into the office for the remaining 6 1/2, so the sooner I get started the sooner I can come home.

I will leave you with a sincere request that you all will help me - please.....I have tried my Facebook friends, I have set up a page to honor her life so I can post there freely about the investigation and so on but no one seems to support me. I think they all think I am nuts and should just shut up and let it go. BUT I WILL NOT, not until I hit a brick wall. I know it is going to be there somewhere, but I have not found it yet and my daughter is counting on me to find it.

Love and blessings to all until I get to come back here. I hope by then some of you will have posted in my support. I loved my daughter so much and miss her so severely....

ShandasMom

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Pat....you took the time...to write our child's name...to each of us...how did you know that simple gesture could mean so much ? It was sunshine on a grey day. Thank You so much.

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Dee and Laurie....loved the poems...and it touches a truth..that is so hard for me to talk face to face with people around me....

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THANKS SUSAN.

Shanda's Mom, I am dreadfully sorry that you find yourself here, but you did come to the right spot for people to listen and to hold your hand...we are here. Go to work and let us know more when you are able. Remember that this is a public site so those with investigations sometimes need to be careful with the details they release.

My hope to you.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Thank you to all of you who read my account of the meeting with the AG! This forum helped me to maintain my sanity during the stress of doing my own research, and all the things that I had to see and read and examine. I hope and pray that you all are right, and something said there in that meeting, or just the fact that we would NOT give up, will be cause for change in the way these types of investigations are done.

Pat, thank you so much for saying the names of all of our angels!! Precious!

Susan, I agree with Dee, that it is time for me to lay down my burden, and try to be able to truly grieve, as the investigation really kept us from being able to concentrate on what Jared's life WAS, and not just how it ended. I will never give up this battle for NOT texting while driving, or inattentive driving, impaired driving, or reminding people driving through our country road, that PEOPLE live here, people with children, and they need to pay attention and slow down!

Kate, thank you so much for your offer to allow me to talk on pm if I needed. That is what I love about this place, folks in the same situation, and life still handing them more to deal with, and yet you still reach out to others in need.

I will also continue to press our legislators for changes in the law regarding open containers and even cell phone use, as they are either non-existent or sorely lacking.

Mary, Shanda's mom, I am glad you got to read my meeting post, before I deleted it. I have to be careful not to open myself up to a lawsuit by saying anything 'disparaging' regarding the facts of the case. Anything you want to discuss you can certainly private message me, and I will do whatever I can to try to help. It is a lonely battle, because in general, after a few months, people don't want to hear about it. They don't get it, and never will, unless they are cast into this role that we have been, which we don't wish on anyone. Folks here on this forum, do get it, and we will walk with you, and talk with you as long as you need us.

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Shanda's Mom...we will be with you on this grief journey....and you have such a heavy burden with all that you are carrying...many on this site has had to do what you are doing...many have care of the grandchildren...many have the 'fight for justice'....so many on this site can and will relate with all that is on your plate now. They have walked in your shoes, so to speak, and you will get support and consideration and many wise words of wisdom to help you along this path.

When you can...please tell us about your girl....grief is a very physical thing...and we all tell the 'new ones' what we have learned...one of the most important is to 'self care'...you need to take very good care of yourself...be very gentle and kind to yourself....we know your heart is breaking but your physical body can break down, too....eat fresh fruit...drink lots of water...walk in the sunshine...and rest when you can. Do whatever you need to do to care for yourself....when in mourning we are so shattered that we can forget to do what is really best for ourselves.

This is a hard journey...it is what it is....I have found that the ones on this site has helped me in more ways than I can count.....I do not have a circle of friends around me that has lost a child...and here I find hands and hearts that pick me up...and know what I am going through. Peace to you.

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2themoon....and all the others that have created a memorial where their children passed....

I think you do a very brave thing to put a memorial at such intersections and roads that are so dangerous where there has been numerous accidents....you do so with broken hearts..to mark the spot where your child passed....but to bring awareness to the danger there. Even death cannot take the caring from our spirits...and in doing that we know you place it there to try to let others know that this is not a safe spot on the road...and to give them a pause to be vigilant.

I know since John David has passed....the roadside Memorials mean something very different now....in our town....4 teens were killed...they were 2 boys..2 girls...all cousins...there are 4 crosses where the accident happened....'someone' keeps the memorial all fresh and neat....hard to imagine what that family has on their grief journey.

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Shanda’s Mom – I had to reach out because I feel an immediate connection to you. I lost my 5 year old daughter to drowning on July 6th, 2011 so exactly two years to the day before you lost your daughter to drowning. I have sort of an idea what happened to her but I will never know exactly what happened. I believe there was a criminal act of negligence, but not of malice. I was at work and my husband brought our children to the pool at his friend’s house. His friend’s girlfriend removed Charlotte’s life jacket and then didn’t watch her while my husband had stepped away to care for my then 4 month old son. She either got or fell into the pool unnoticed and drowned. The water had a chemical imbalance and they didn’t realize they could not see the bottom of the pool so they looked for her around the house for a long time before checking the bottom of the pool. The detective that worked the case did not recommend any criminal charges and the county attorney agreed with him. They called it the “perfect storm” of one event leading to another that took the life of my precious little girl. We have spent time in a legal battle with my husband’s friend and his girlfriend. The money didn’t really matter – I just wanted someone to take responsibility for taking her life. If you look up negligent in the dictionary it’s doing something that a reasonable person would know could bring harm. Couldn’t removing the life jacket of a child who didn’t know how to swim next to a swimming pool potentially bring harm? I would think so! I’m trying to forgive but it has been a long road. Especially forgiving someone who hasn’t asked to be forgiven.

So, Shanda’s Mom, “letting it go” 2 months after losing your precious Shanda isn’t going to be just that easy. You do what you need to do to get the answers you need. And as far as people saying stupid stuff to you, everyone on this site has a list as long as their arm of stupid and ignorant things people have said to them. I’ve learned that people generally are trying to say something they think will help you so I try to give them a break – unless it’s monumentally stupid! Take care of yourself and know that you have found a place here where there are those that know the deep pain of the loss of a child.

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Angela....what a hand up you shared with Shanda's Mom....I have been very aware of the 'dates' on the site....you have let her know...that she is not 'alone' on this grief journey

Lora....the photo you posted of the rainbow in the clouds has stayed with me for days and days...'a cover for my Mother'......we need all the 'cover and common ground' for sure...

Becky...of course you do need to 'lay the burden' down....and renew and restore your spirit and energy....and have another layer of healing begin....the minutes, hours and days move forward...and as parents....we do want to embrace life with the loved ones who do stand with us.

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JD's Mom, Becky

Link removed. Corrected and Reposted on 9-29-13

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post-306805-0-50407000-1379950219_thumb.

I have discovered...in my journey...that no one can make the journey but me....and no matter how many Bible verses I read....how many books I read to search for answers....how big or small my Faith is....what songs I listen to....how many tears I cry....or how many good days I have....

there is always that part in every day.....I just want him back.

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2themoon...For many years now I have been touched when I have passed a memorial at the roadside of an accident. But never more since my son Jeff died. I will think briefly of the family of the loved one and wonder what happened. I say a quiet prayer. Shanda,s Mom...please try to take care of yourself as well. I see you have just completed chemo and I know how draining and weakening it can be. I am sorry for all the new losses that I see on this site. The pain does dull in time but keep faith as they will always be just a thought away.

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post-306805-0-50407000-1379950219_thumb.

I have discovered...in my journey...that no one can make the journey but me....and no matter how many Bible verses I read....how many books I read to search for answers....how big or small my Faith is....what songs I listen to....how many tears I cry....or how many good days I have....

there is always that part in every day.....I just want him back.

No truer words , i just want him back.

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

And your right Susan, only I can make this journey...I too discovered that when I sat at the the cemetery..

**************************************************************************

The following quote is from Kate (took it from the other thread)
"After almost four years I am a very different person then I was at the beginning. I read posts today and see so many similar feelings that I too experienced at the beginning. The need to run from a store at the site of an all too familiar product, or the sound of a much loved song that triggers memories."

I too am a very different person, so much of the time I don't know who I really am and I still never know when something is going to be a trigger and create a meltdown...

***************************************************************************

Dee, thanks for the poem, also so sadly true...

**************************************************************************

Pat, thanks for listing out our children's names....we all long to "hear" their names again....

**************************************************************************

Betsy, thanks for your post....

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Laurie,

"I remember shortly before the accident, I believe it was in September...he was struggling with some allergy attacks, one day he came to our house after leaving from his work early...he just sat on the other small couch and watched me for the longest time before I noticed...I knew that he knew then he was leaving...

During this time I also felt like I was going to be leaving soon, I remember looking up at the moon one night and feeling in my soul like it was the last time I would see it...I found out from reading Raymond Moody that this is known as "shared death" experience..."

I had a similar experience surrounding Trista's passing. I've read a couple of books by Raymond Moody but they were about NDE's. Is there a specific you book that talks about this?

Shannon

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My daughter's death is so fresh and so complicated I don't even know where to begin. Can you put links on this site? I have recorded a couple of YouTube videos that would be easier to post than to type it all here. As a matter of fact, I even need to record a new one that will provide even more info into where I am right now with what I am trying to accomplish.

Please let me know about links. ?? I saw one video posted today, but it said it was Private (?) So then, why did that person post it?

Sorry, newbie and trying to learn how it all works.

Thank you.

Mary

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I believe that grief and the loss of an adult child has many waves:

1). shock and overwhelming disbelief

2). planning the funeral & / or final services and being just a robot - simply being pushed to make the arrangements not having a clue what you are actually doing

3). realizing what you lost and crying all the time

4). another wave of unsurmountabe pain and grief when you finally capture and realize that he/she is gone forever

5). in my case, fighting to get to the truth of why it even occurred

6). day to day bare existence when you can't sleep, can't eat, cry at the drop of a hat, question everything having to do with the death (in my case there is a lot to question) ...want to just give up - give up completely - go and join them, wherever they may be? BUT knowing that would not be right. However, I feel like her death has eased my fear of dying from the cancer I just fought... I have to believe she would be somewhere there, waiting for me with her hand outstretched.

IMHO...

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Mary, i think your right about the waves, i think i am still stuck on shock, numbness, it has not been long enough for me to realize the full impact of my loss, i am still trying to navigate day to day.

Maybe its the change of seasons, the colouring of the leaves, i am feeling extremely sad today, very weepy, or it could be the events of yesterday too. I am not sure, but its been a tough day.

Kate, i too have been touched by road side crosses and wonder about the families said a prayer, and prayed to God i would NEVER have one.

I question my faith these days also because i only every prayed for my kids to come home safely when they traveled. I never prayed to God for extravagant things or riches, i live a modest life, i work hard to raise my kids and send them to university, i followed the rules, i work at a Cancer Clinic, i did volunteer work, I was happy, my family was happy, and now we are all a mess. Lane was such a big part of our lives, my extended families lives, and now we are all heartbroken, and just a mess.

Lindsay and me

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So many posts today and every single one describes feelings that are so deep and true. I am so tired. I have had so much to handle the past couple of days. My husband is not well and his mother is creating so much drama that I just don't want or need. I have done the best I can to separate myself and the boys from most of this but it's impossible to separate completely and all I want is to be left alone to honor and grieve for my daughter and to take care of myself and my boys. I have all these legal things to handle and they are important in finding answers. Sometimes I imagine myself putting my boys in the car and just driving and driving but I know I'll never get far enough to find what I'm looking for. Trista. Yes, I do just want her back. I'm asking for thoughts and prayers from anyone to help me stay strong for myself and the boys. My whole body aches clear to my bones, my chest hurts, and sometimes I do just want to give up. I'm so tired. I'm thinking of everyone today but to tired to even respond to all I'd like to respond to.

Shannon

pretty girl.....you need to rest....
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If the universe allows, rest this night, rest and let your mind slumber and let your heart just beat as it should, breathe, and rest and know that it is okay to let yourself sleep, you needn't tend to anything but climbing under some blankets and letting your eyes fall shut from exhaustion.

This is my hope for Everyone here.

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Thank you Dee...if only I could. By the way... your poem was very nice. I'm sure it echoes the way we all feel on this site. I'm just sitting here listening to the sound of rain softly falling. How I love that sound. Up with my husband for a bit and now he is down sleeping again. Guess I'll try to catch a little rest myself. Kate

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Well, try this link... for some reason the slide bar "may" be too far to the right - already well into the video, so simply slide it back all the way over to the left so you can of course start from the beginning. I have no idea how the URL got sort of corrupted like that, but if you click on the link and it goes to the video about 2/3rds played, please remember to slide the thing back over so you can start from the beginning.

It is a longer video - about 20 min. long so unless you have that much time to spend, never mind watching it. It is basically a timeline of events that led up to her death and then all the fighting I have done since it happened. Of course there is even more NOW, and that is why I need to record another one.....

For now, this is a pretty good account of what happened though.

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And one more ~

I guess I have recorded more than what I realized. You will surely feel my pain if you watch all of these. Good luck to you if you can follow all of this.

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Shanda's Mom.....I would hope....that there will never be a day...that I cannot give of my time to 'watch and hear' a grieving Mom....

I watched all 3 videos....

Many on this site WILL watch your videos...

We WILL hear every word you want to share...

We WILL listen...and we shall listen to every heartsick, heart broke, heart felt word you have to say about your girl...

We are here for every time you fall down...on your knees...sobbing and mourning...

We have been there....and we go back to it...

So many parents on this site have the same theme....as you.....law enforcement is simply not stepping up to the plate...they are not completing investigations...it seems to carry over many different towns..large and small....different states...appalling...to say the least. Horrific for so many parents.

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Shanda's Mom, I too watched your videos. I feel your pain and frustration. I am truly sorry that you are experiencing this heartache. I can only hope that you will find peace down the road. Kate

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To All,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm so glad it warmed your hearts in seeing your child's name. I hope I didn't forget anyone.

I found Beyond Indigo to be so nurturing to my soul when it felt so shattered in those early days. This site with its beautiful parents is truly healing with the heartfelt messages of each one of you. Some here are not only dealing with their child's loss, but difficult issues as well. My heart to you for strength on this journey.

Wishing you all peace within.......

Pat

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Wanda, I think your roadside memorial is very beautiful and fitting for your son, Lane...

Shanda's Mom, will watch your videos later tonight...thanks for posting them in honor of your daughter...

Dee, thanks for all of the insightful lovely things you post...I know you are busy with teaching, yet you still take the time to keep up here...

Shannon, hope the book from Raymond Moody is what you are looking for...I am waiting for the IANDS (International Association for Near Death Studies) site to make available their DVD's from their last conference from earlier this month....Mary Neal MD was one of their main speakers and I would like to hear what she said there...she had an NDE herself and lost her son in 2009...

Pat, thank you for posting all of our children's name...it is good to see and hear their name....

Will post more later...have a restful day...

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Guest Trista's_Mom

Lora,

I'm glad you were able to include Cara in the conversation. Others may have no idea how important that is to us as parents. I'm glad you have supportive people around you.

Shanda's Mom,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I watched your videos this morning. I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. The quest for answers as to why and how is so important to a parent. I am still looking for answers regarding my daughter, Trista's accident. I have also dealt with police work so bad that I've begun to wonder if they are that incompetent or if there is some other reason. It's hard to believe that they could be that incompetent but others here have dealt with similar problems so apparently it's possible. We are all here to listen.

Susan,

Yes. I did need to rest. I've had so much and I am so tired. Even on the best of days my energy level is not good. I get so tired so quickly but I believe that is part of this grief. It is so heavy to carry.

Laurie,

Yes, thank you. I bought that book right after you posted it. I am going to check out that website as well. Thank you for sharing what you've found on this journey. Netflix has a video called Afterlife that features Raymond Moody. I don't have cable. We do internet t.v. I don't watch television at all anymore but was able to watch this video. It covers a lot of the same ground as his books but was interesting to watch and to see the interviews with people who've had NDE's.

Dee,

Thank you for sharing your poem. Your words are always so true.

I am feeling a bit stronger today. I made some hard choices and took some actions that were much needed. I also went today to a one on one meditation class. I don't have the words to describe the experience right now but is something I am going to be continuing.

Shannon

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom
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Shandasmom-----So very sorry for your loss of your dear daughter.

This site is pretty active....with many people posting. I have been on

here , along with Dee, for 10 yrs., and it has been a lifeline for me.

Please come back, .....I think that you will find understanding, support,

and empathy in your grief journey. Peace to you.

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to get on BI too much lately. Been

so busy with getting my elderly mother settled in her new place. Also...

much trouble with my computer. :(:angry::( , so I'll make this short so

I can finish before more computer problems present themselves.

I hope this post comes through.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

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Laurie, you are something else! Thanks, for taking the time to post this. You have given me some serious reading material. Kate

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