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Waking up and realizing I am alone


Sammijo2424

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Sammijo2424

I wake up at 4am, thinking, oh good Ron will be home soon. He worked 12 hr shifts, half nights and half days, he would be on his night shifts right now. He would be home about 6:30am, then I think...oh no, no, no, he is not coming home, he is dead,how can this be, how am I suppose to do this day in and day out. I am pissed off that I have to live this life alone, Ron was my everything, my life and his was so interrwined, he would say something, I would finish it.

I had already gone through a similar incident at 1am when i woke up. I hate waking up and it still be dark

outside, at least it is some better when it is light out. Dear Lord, please let the sun come up soon.

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Mermaid Tears

I wake up at 4am, thinking, oh good Ron will be home soon. He worked 12 hr shifts, half nights and half days, he would be on his night shifts right now. He would be home about 6:30am, then I think...oh no, no, no, he is not coming home, he is dead,how can this be, how am I suppose to do this day in and day out. I am pissed off that I have to live this life alone, Ron was my everything, my life and his was so interrwined, he would say something, I would finish it.

I had already gone through a similar incident at 1am when i woke up. I hate waking up and it still be dark

outside, at least it is some better when it is light out. Dear Lord, please let the sun come up soon.

So sorry to hear of your loss....please know this is a time to 'self care'....be gentle with yourself....come back to this site...for many here are in the same place...

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I, too, wake up in the middle of the night and realize she's not here. Two months and I still haven't slept more than 3 or 4 hours at a stretch. It's hard, but at least now I'm not crying my eyes out like I was the first couple of weeks. I guess I'm getting used to being alone, but I find things easier to take on warm, sunny days. Hopefully Spring will get here soon. This constant rain and cloudiness is depressing.

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I'm sorry for all your losses and this time. Realistically it will get better FYI. Not "totally" better, that of course can't be, but the intensity will back off. Somehow you can learn to really live again. It just takes time, unfortunately. And yes spring is basically here so hope that helps some - it always did for me at least a little. Warmer weather, less darkness, trees etc in bloom - if only we could skip from about Oct to now every year -

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I, also, find nighttime to be the absolute worst. I am still not sleeping very well - more so because I cannot GET to sleep because my mind still races at times. I started writing in a journal - basically I write letters to my Jeremy when I have the time and when I have so much on my mind that I cannot seem to think straight. Please know that I went from having absolutely NO sleep to sleeping for a few reckless hours to sleeping an average of 5 or 6 hours per night. Much better than it was 6 months ago....still nothing like the sleep-lover I was before Jeremy died.

All you can do right now is "the next thing" - one baby step at a time. I do hope that you find something that helps you get through that next thing, whether it is a journal, some family or friends who understand, a pet who is non-judgemental and loves you unconditionally....or this site! I agree that this site does help. There are people here who truly do understand. I don't know about you, but I have very few people around me who TRULY understand the pain I feel on a daily basis, and I honestly don't know how many more times I can hear someone say "hang in there" before I go completely ballistic on the poor person who says it!

I also agree with Mermaid Tears - this is a time where you need to be selfish. You need to do whatever is right for you that helps you. I know it's hard but if you have had people make offers of "call me if you need anything" please do not hesitate to call them. They will be so happy to help, and if they take even one simple thing off of your plate then it helps you!

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