Jesse David & Taylor Mom

Lost my husband - motorcycle accident

11 posts in this topic

January 27, 2013, my husband and I were coming home from a friend's house, I was in the car and he wanted to ride his motorcycle home. We'd just had an argument, so I left a few minutes early instead of following him home as I usually did. I got home and started making dinner and realized almost an hour had gone by and he hadn't come home yet, and he gave me his phone and wallet and keys and everything before I'd left. All of a sudden, I realized that there had been sirens going for the past few minutes, and it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. I got in the car, started following the ambulances and they were heading down the road to our friend's house... And then I saw his helmet in the middle of the road.

Because he didn't have an ID on him, they didn't know who it was and didn't want to tell me what hospital he was in or anything, but I went to the nearest hospital and asked about a motorcycle accident victim, and started describing him and his tattoos and what he was wearing, and they told me that he was indeed there and they were "working" on him. I will never forget that longest 5 minutes of my life, when the nurse came to the waiting room and told me that he didn't make it. I don't think I've ever screamed so loud in my life...

I had to go back and formally identify him, and I swear, I always thought it was messed up in movies and shows how the family members would touch a body like it was no big deal, but I just started kissing him and hitting him on the chest at the same time, telling him it was time to wake up and the joke was over, it's not funny anymore... God, it's been almost a month and I can't stop thinking about that, how I didn't think I would ever let him go. I knew he wasn't in there anymore, but seeing him so destroyed from the accident just killed me. Honestly, I think a part of me died with him in that room.

I miss him so much, I can't sleep at night anymore, sleeping pills don't work, nothing works. I've moved back home with my mother for the time being, but everybody in my hometown is telling me that as tragic as it is, I need to move on with my life, that I'm young and I'll find someone else. Is it wrong that all I want to do is scream at these people that I don't want anybody else, that I just need him back and everything would be fine?

I don't know how to deal with my anger and sadness. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be okay, and I play with the dog or I go for a walk, and then I see something or hear a song he used to sing to me on the radio or remember something and it's all I can do not to curl up in a ball in the middle of the street or store or wherever I am and just cry until I pass out. I miss that silly, stupid, beautiful man more than anything. I wish it was me instead, I really do. I wish I hadn't gotten so angry at him and left before him, that was the one time I didn't follow him home on his motorcycle. I wish I'd told him I love him and couln't wait for him to come home to me and to have fun with his friends instead of stomping off like a petulant child. I hope he knew that he was my everything, I would give him the world if I could, all he had to do was ask and I would do everything in my power to make him happy and to see him smile. He had so much to give the world, he had so many friends and so many people who absolutely adored him... I would give anything to trade places with him.

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Hello, I wanted to let you know I am sorry for your loss and I can say that I know what you are going through. My boyfriend/husband (we considered ourselves married) was snowmobiling with 4 of his friends/coworkers on Feb 16th, 2013. They were on the river and hit an open spot of water. My husband's snowmobile did not make it across and the skis caught the ice bank. He was swept away under the ice pack. They called for help and the police searched for about 4 hours and then called it off until the next morning. They then searched again for about 4 hours and completely called off the search all together. He is still missing but presumed deceased. I was informed by the police showing up at my door at 2am to tell me the awful news while I was sitting in my living room. I was all alone as my 3 children were at their dads for the weekend (I am divorced after a 13 year marriage). This is the day my life has changed forever. Since he has not been found there is a lot of waiting and no real closure at this time. I did have a memorial service for him the following Sunday. My kids and I went back to our house that night and I haven't been able to sleep in my house without a friend or family member staying with us. I have all of these questions and what if's that everyone tells me is "normal" given the circumstances but its hard when they have no clue what I am really feeling inside. Yes I am sad and want to cry all of the time. Even though I have 3 children (ages 16, 13 and 10) that I have to care for and get into a "normal" routine again, its the biggest challenge I have! How am I just expected to go on with life when all I do is think about him. No matter what time of day it is or what I am doing I am thinking about it. I want to just curl up in a ball and cry but I cant. My kids get to upset when they see me like that. So for now I just hold it all in and try to tell myself that it was just his time to go meet God and that there is nothing I can do to bring him back. I want to smell him again, kiss him, hug him, hear his goofy laugh and most of all spend the rest of my life with him. That is what we intended to do. I do understand completely how you are feeling because if one more person tells me that I am young and life will move on, I think I will scream! I am sure that is the truth and that is the reality, bur for right now that is not what I am thinking. I am thinking life stopped and is on hold. This was a wonderful man! We were together for 3.5 years, he was 8 years older than me, had never been married and had no children. I came into the picture and he had a ready made family. He loved all of us completely. He used to tell me that all he ever wanted to do was to make me happy! Now I think to myself "then why did you have to leave me? Do I really look happy?" I was once a single mom of 3 children (2 of which have Autism) and then I meet prince charming! Now here I am again but now a 35 year old widow with 3 children. My heart goes out to you and I am sorry we have to go through things like this in life! Its so hard to imagine that this is ME writing this, I never thought anything like this would ever happen to ME.

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January 27, 2013, my husband and I were coming home from a friend's house, I was in the car and he wanted to ride his motorcycle home. We'd just had an argument, so I left a few minutes early instead of following him home as I usually did. I got home and started making dinner and realized almost an hour had gone by and he hadn't come home yet, and he gave me his phone and wallet and keys and everything before I'd left. All of a sudden, I realized that there had been sirens going for the past few minutes, and it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. I got in the car, started following the ambulances and they were heading down the road to our friend's house... And then I saw his helmet in the middle of the road.

Because he didn't have an ID on him, they didn't know who it was and didn't want to tell me what hospital he was in or anything, but I went to the nearest hospital and asked about a motorcycle accident victim, and started describing him and his tattoos and what he was wearing, and they told me that he was indeed there and they were "working" on him. I will never forget that longest 5 minutes of my life, when the nurse came to the waiting room and told me that he didn't make it. I don't think I've ever screamed so loud in my life...

I had to go back and formally identify him, and I swear, I always thought it was messed up in movies and shows how the family members would touch a body like it was no big deal, but I just started kissing him and hitting him on the chest at the same time, telling him it was time to wake up and the joke was over, it's not funny anymore... God, it's been almost a month and I can't stop thinking about that, how I didn't think I would ever let him go. I knew he wasn't in there anymore, but seeing him so destroyed from the accident just killed me. Honestly, I think a part of me died with him in that room.

I miss him so much, I can't sleep at night anymore, sleeping pills don't work, nothing works. I've moved back home with my mother for the time being, but everybody in my hometown is telling me that as tragic as it is, I need to move on with my life, that I'm young and I'll find someone else. Is it wrong that all I want to do is scream at these people that I don't want anybody else, that I just need him back and everything would be fine?

I don't know how to deal with my anger and sadness. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be okay, and I play with the dog or I go for a walk, and then I see something or hear a song he used to sing to me on the radio or remember something and it's all I can do not to curl up in a ball in the middle of the street or store or wherever I am and just cry until I pass out. I miss that silly, stupid, beautiful man more than anything. I wish it was me instead, I really do. I wish I hadn't gotten so angry at him and left before him, that was the one time I didn't follow him home on his motorcycle. I wish I'd told him I love him and couln't wait for him to come home to me and to have fun with his friends instead of stomping off like a petulant child. I hope he knew that he was my everything, I would give him the world if I could, all he had to do was ask and I would do everything in my power to make him happy and to see him smile. He had so much to give the world, he had so many friends and so many people who absolutely adored him... I would give anything to trade places with him.

I am sorry for your loss. My son died on a motorcyle too. I really do hate those machines. Prayers over you.

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 I lost my husband 2 months and 12 days ago. We were hit by a drunk driving and he died instanly. I survied with a few broken bones. I often wish I would have died that night with him. I have been struggling to find meaning in his death as well as a purpose to go on. I never imagined I'd loose him so soon and be a widow at 34. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel many of the same feelings you have expressed. I go through a day or two feeling like I can get through this but always find myself circling back to lonliness and dispair. I see that it has almost been a year for you. I was wondering how you are doing now? Does it ever get any better?

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 I lost my husband 2 months and 12 days ago. We were hit by a drunk driving and he died instanly. I survied with a few broken bones. I often wish I would have died that night with him. I have been struggling to find meaning in his death as well as a purpose to go on. I never imagined I'd loose him so soon and be a widow at 34. I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel many of the same feelings you have expressed. I go through a day or two feeling like I can get through this but always find myself circling back to lonliness and dispair. I see that it has almost been a year for you. I was wondering how you are doing now? Does it ever get any better?

 

Tracy,

 

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I can say I know what it feels like! I am just a few years older than you! I can say that honestly it does get easier, not better but easier. I was just reading my post from back in March and it made me feel all that anxiety I had back then in one second. In just 1 month and 2 days it will be the 1 year anniversary of Jim's accident, so why does it feel like yesterday, yet sometimes I feel like its always been this way! Welcome to life on the emotional roller coaster!

 

Try and just get through hour by hour and someday you will be able to see day by day and week by week! Sometimes you will take 3 steps forward and 5 steps back! Its all very understandable and know that you are not the only one feeling that way! I have found this website and chat room has helped me way more than the grief group I was in because no one in my group had a similar situation as I did.

 

I wish you peace and rest! Feel free to send me a message anytime and if I can help you I will try!

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I lost my husband on January 21, 2014 in a motorcycle crash. The guy driving the truck ran a stop sign and my husband died instantly. I usually work from home that morning he drove his bike so I can use tge car...now Im stuck with alot of what ifs....we have three kids n he was a very active parent. I have so much hate and anger in my heart. How can this man only pay $5000.00 to get out of jail n me n my kids are left to suffer due to his neglience. It just dont seem fair.

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I just dont know whats next....where do I go from here. Im 34 and my husband was 36 at the time of death his bday was 4days later. I have a pain in my heart that can never heal. I just dont know how to go on I dont want to go on. I have been with my husband for 17years.

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I also know how you feel. I lost my wife of 3 kids on Dec 1, 2013. I was driving and we ended up upside down in the water. My boys fought for their lives and my girl was fine. I know how you feel. We only got home a few weeks a go and it's smothering. My mind is numb I always have a headache. I went back to work cause to be here just is sad. And I don't know how to go on. She was my life and everything. She had so much love and she left her kids at such a young age that it hurts. We had everything going for us and she and I loved being together. I have my parents here and the house doesn't seem lonely cause they would come over every couple of months. But it's not her. I keep waiting for her to walk in the door. I keep waiting for her to kiss me. I had to reuse her from our vehicle after our kids and I can't believe that's the end. We have had the funeral and she's been cremated so I know she's not coming back but it hurts. It's so surreal. I don't believe this has happened.

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I also know how you feel. I lost my wife of 3 kids on Dec 1, 2013. I was driving and we ended up upside down in the water. My boys fought for their lives and my girl was fine. I know how you feel. We only got home a few weeks a go and it's smothering. My mind is numb I always have a headache. I went back to work cause to be here just is sad. And I don't know how to go on. She was my life and everything. She had so much love and she left her kids at such a young age that it hurts. We had everything going for us and she and I loved being together. I have my parents here and the house doesn't seem lonely cause they would come over every couple of months. But it's not her. I keep waiting for her to walk in the door. I keep waiting for her to kiss me. I had to reuse her from our vehicle after our kids and I can't believe that's the end. We have had the funeral and she's been cremated so I know she's not coming back but it hurts. It's so surreal. I don't believe this has happened.

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. I know nothing I say will make you feel better but I can tell you I do understand what you are feeling. I am just 10 days away from the 1 year mark of my fiancé drowning after he hit open water on the river while snowmobiling. If you want to talk come to the chat room or private message me anytime!

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MI can relate to the wanting to scream at people for telling you to move on. I just lost my boyfriend, the love of my life, in a car accident. His own mother took me aside 3 days after the accident and told me "honey, you are only 25. He would want you to be happy. Someday you will meet a man and have babies and you'll have a great life. I'm sorry my son can't be any of that for you now." 

It's not fair for people to be telling you those kinda of things. You love them and you don't just "get over it". I'm still hoping things won't be so painful someday but we don't get over it. I want to punch most people in the face most days. Just know you aren't alone in that

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