Extremely helpful articles about coping with the loss of a loved one

[AlwaysHisGirl]

Today I discovered excellent articles written by Dr. Louis E. LaGrand. Please go to the following websites to read one of his many helpful articles on how to cope with the death of a loved one. They are beautifully written, easy to understand, and free to all.

http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lou_LaGrand

http://www.extraordinarygriefexperiences.com/RESOURCES.html

Please scroll down to see the first article by LaGrand titled "7 Rules For Managing Grief and Loss"

In case you're wondering who Dr. LaGrand is, please read below:

"Louis E. LaGrand, Ph.D., is Distinguished Service Professor Emeritus at the State University of New York and Adjunct Professor of Health Careers at the Eastern Campus of Suffolk Community College in Riverhead, New York. He was a member of the debriefing team for the Nassau County Medical Examiner's office on the TWA Flight 800 disaster, a former member of the Board of Directors of the Association for Death Education and Counseling, and a founder and past-president of Hospice & Palliative care of St. Lawrence Valley.

The author of nine books and numerous articles, he is known world-wide for his research on the Extraordinary Experiences of the bereaved (After-Death Communication phenomena). His first two books on the subject of the extraordinary have been translated into several languages. Messages and Miracles: The Extraordinary Experiences of the Bereaved is listed in the 100 Top Bestsellers for Counseling by the Online Dictionary of Mental Health. Love Lives On: Learning from the Extraordinary Encounters of the Bereaved, was released in November, 2006 by Berkley Books, a division of Penguin. It is also available in a Kindle edition as is his newest book, Healing Grief, Finding Peace: 101 Ways to Cope with the Death of Your Loved One.

Dr. LaGrand holds advanced degrees from Columbia University, the University of Notre Dame, and Florida State University. He has appeared on numerous radio and TV shows throughout the country including Unsolved Mysteries, Art Bell Coast to Coast, and Strange Universe. With over 25 years of counseling the bereaved, he is an international speaker who gives workshops on death-related topics in schools, hospices, and health agencies in the US, Canada, and England. He is currently Director of Loss Education Associates." (Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lou_LaGrand)

[MaryArlene]

Thank you so much for posting. I found the article you referenced "7 Rules for Managing Grief and Loss" very helpful!

[AlwaysHisGirl]

I am glad that the first article was helpful, but there are so many others on that website that can be equally helpful. I am thrilled to have found them. Below are titles of other excellent articles by Dr. Louis E. DeGrand:

Seven Beliefs That Will Help You Cope With The Death Of Your Loved One

Thoughts and beliefs-both of which are choices you make-are the underpinnings of attitude. They are the major factors in how you will cope with your loss and to what extent you will experience additional and unnecessary suffering. Here are some of the beliefs that have helped others when grieving and have proven useful in adapting to a new life without the companionship of your loved one. [May 27, 2008 09:41:19 am]

The Forgotten Factor in Coping with the Death of Your Loved One

Until death comes into our lives and a significant person is no longer with us, our culture teaches us to deny death and minimize the impact it has on the quality of life. Then if we are lucky, we get a crash course in mourning from a counselor, clergy person, or social worker. Yet, there is little emphasis on the most crucial factor in coping well. Here it is with five applications. [April 25, 2008 09:10:03 am]

Needs Of Mourners That Anyone Can Fill

There will be many occasions in life when you will be in a position to provide support for a friend or family member who is mourning the death of a loved one. No special training is needed. You can stay on the sidelines and let someone else fill the void, or you can assist, and give strength to carry on. Here are four things you can do to help any mourner. [April 08, 2008 01:58:57 pm]

What You Can and Cannot Control When Grief and Loss Occur

Much can be done when grieving if you change your focus away from hopelessness and helplessness to the power inherent in what you can influence and control. You cannot control the past. You can't control relentless change. You can control how you respond to the present and plan for the future. What can you control to stop the downward spiral when it begins to grow? Here are seven things to consider, any one of which can break the back of sadness and reactive depression and ease your transition. [March 10, 2008 02:22:41 pm]

7 Step Guide to Increasing the Pain of Major Loss

No one escapes the emotional and physical pain of major loss; it is an inherent part of life itself. Yet, most who are mourning the death of a loved one are engaged in a variety of pursuits that increase pain and suffering. Why? Because much of what is learned about death and grief from the culture in which they live is pure rubbish. If you want to exponentially increase the pain of your great loss, here are seven tips that will assist this pursuit. [March 02, 2008 02:57:00 pm]

How to Minimize Self-Imposed Isolation in Grief and Loss

Grief is an isolating emotion because depression, guilt, and anger-common reactions to the loss of a loved one-tend to reduce interaction with others, and many would-be supporters are at a loss as to how to respond. If you are mourning the death of a loved one, or providing support for a bereaved person, here are eight ways to make inroads on the devastating toll that isolation takes on emotional disposition and energy levels. [February 27, 2008 11:09:27 am]

Growing Through the Anger of Grief and Loss

If you have been taught early in life that anger is a bad emotion or that only people with little or no self-control show their anger, it is quite likely that you will suppress or stuff this emotion deep inside. By keeping it within and sharing it with no one, you set yourself up to become depressed and may have to deal with the physical effects of another little understood emotion. Here's how can you use your anger to grow through your loss. [February 21, 2008 08:59:42 am]

How to Deal with Grief Triggers Long After the Death of a Loved One

There are many seemingly unrelated experiences that commonly trigger much grieving that can go on for several days. This often happens months, sometimes years, after the death of a loved one. Here's what you need to know when something you see, hear, smell or experience brings back the pain of your loss. [December 20, 2007 04:02:26 pm]

10 Ways to Manage Your Grief at Holiday Time

Most experts agree that anticipation of a holiday and what is expected is almost always worse than actually experiencing the day. There are many unrealistic expectations at holiday time. Here are 10 things you can do, that have been used by others through the years, which will help you deal with your grief and reduce unnecessary suffering. [December 07, 2007 03:24:44 pm]

How to Cope With Unavoidable Suffering

Unavoidable suffering is a condition of existence, a part of the mystery that shrouds every life. It is usually the result of broken attachments to those we love or the loss of something cherished. It cannot be prevented because death and perpetual change are uncontrollable givens of living. Here is how others have eased their suffering. These approaches can be lessons for your own confrontations with unavoidable distress. [October 25, 2007 01:42:34 pm]

Five Things to Teach Children (And Some Adults) about Grief

Our culture is notoriously neglectful when it comes to teaching about loss and change. In a day and age in which technology rules, the meaning and importance of dealing with the aftermath of massive changes is left to pure chance. We can start reversing this trend by helping our children balance the negative cultural view about grief. What can we teach them, and some adults, about the universal response to the loss of something valued? Here are five concepts to be developed and talked about.[October 10, 2007 10:17:48 am]

Why You Need to Express Emotion

Psychology and the social sciences have shown time and time again the importance of expressing, in some form, what is happening inside when you are mourning the death of a loved one; it can actually save your life. If you have been trained by the authority figures in your life to suppress your feelings or if you are unable to cry (much to do with unconscious beliefs) when one might be expected to do so, consider the following. [september 30, 2007 01:17:53 pm]

One Way to Adapt to the Death of Your Loved One

Mistakenly, when grieving, we sometimes equate moving forward as forgetting the loved one. In reality, moving forward means establishing new routines, using your strengths to reinvest in life-and most importantly-learning to love in separation. You can begin to reinvest in life and at the same time continue to grieve and miss your loved one. So how can you start to move forward even though you are mourning? Here is an effective approach. [september 21, 2007 02:46:02 pm]

Honor the Difference Between Necessary and Unnecessary Suffering

Suffering is an integral part of life. Unnecessary suffering is self-generated. Our actions and beliefs, or a lack of them, heaps additional burdens on us as we cope with normal suffering that is a condition of existence. And, what can we do about minimizing then eliminating unnecessary suffering? Become aware of how we poison ourselves and add to the fire. [september 17, 2007 03:48:03 pm]

Opportunities and Gifts From Great Losses

Regardless of the way we consider a specific loss in our lives, it can provide the setting for learning more about ourselves and the world in which we live. But do we really take advantage of the lessons that loss teaches, the spiritual and psychological development that is always available in transformation? Here is what many have learned that might help us better accept what we cannot control, and reduce self-imposed suffering. [september 07, 2007 09:28:09 am]

A Lifelong Plan for Peace of Mind

Peace of mind is an inner strength that has both emotional and biological value of immense proportions. From it flows true happiness which is not based on material accumulations or peer recognition. Everyone has the capacity, regardless of background or experience, to obtain this precious commodity. Here is one approach to consider in this quest. [september 02, 2007 03:43:29 pm]

An Ancient Coping Strategy That Still Works

Finding opportunities to be of service to others has eased the heavy burden of coping with the death of a loved one. Stop-don't dismiss this off hand, before giving it an honest try. You can't help another without helping yourself. It all begins with having sincere intent to serve and embrace the truth that making the world a better place is worth the effort. Here is how it will help you in coping with your loss.[August 29, 2007 04:46:06 pm]

The Most Important Coping Response You Can Develop

In my own family, I have a daughter who died from sudden infant death syndrome, a brother from prostate cancer, and a younger sister from anorexia nervosa. How did we deal with the pain, and the question of why? Like millions before us, we essentially relied on beliefs and attitudes toward life-and some new ones that emerged from the struggle to understand and find meaning. From this flows all coping strategies to ease the pain. [August 29, 2007 11:48:37 am]

Beware of Grieving According to Theory

Many people read an article touting a specific grief model and feel they should be experiencing certain emotions or following a prescribed path when mourning the death of a loved one. Worse yet, a support person may expect a friend or love one who is grieving, to follow a specific course. Here is what you need to know to grieve at your own pace and in your own individual way. [August 24, 2007 03:32:32 pm]

An Extraordinary Experience That Eased the Burden of Grief

For over 25 years I have been studying the effects of the Extraordinary Experiences (EEs) of the bereaved. These events are spontaneous, not invoked, and those who experience them are convinced they come from an outside source - their deceased loved one or a Supreme Being. Here is an example and the positive effects it had on the mourner. [August 23, 2007 03:57:23 pm]

Why You Are Never Alone, Especially When Mourning

We are surrounded by the unseen in many ways, not the least of which is the power of something greater than the self, which consistently and mysteriously operates in the universe. This ancient concept is critical to contemplate when mourning the death of a loved one. Consider the following in strengthening your resolve to cope with your great loss and to realize you are not alone in your journey. [August 23, 2007 11:53:51 am]

How to Avoid Self-Imposed Isolation When Mourning

Are you shying away from your support system? Are you turning down invitations from friends or relatives to join them for dinner or a family barbecue? Are you choosing to walk alone instead of with your old walking buddies? If so, you are not merely isolating yourself from needed social contact when mourning, you are actually delaying the healing from your great loss. Here's what you can do to avoid this trap. [August 20, 2007 02:56:41 pm]

Facing the Unknown After the Death of a Loved One

Fear of the unknown is among the most common, and most difficult, grief-related issues to deal with. Why is this so? Because uncertainty is an integral part of life that is ignored by most until it forces us to confront it. Then the choice is: either learn to live one day at a time (perhaps one minute at a time) or allow the unknown to fill us with crippling fear and freeze us. Here's what can we do to deal with fear of the future, the unknown. [August 19, 2007 12:58:54 pm]

Getting Through Grief Takes Longer Than Most People Think

Have you ever had someone tell you, "You should be over it by now?" The "it" meaning, the death of your loved one, a divorce, or even the breakup of a long time friendship, for whatever the reason. All too often, those supporting the bereaved try to hurry them along when in fact grief follows its own course. Here is why grief takes so much longer than we have been conditioned to believe. [August 17, 2007 09:54:51 am]

Keep Loving Yourself Even Though You Are Mourning

Maximizing your guilt when mourning and entertaining disturbing thoughts has the insidious effect of draining precious energy that could be used in adapting to the many changes that have to be faced. And, as you think less of yourself it is inevitable that in lowering self-esteem you will be heaping unnecessary suffering on the great burden you are already carrying. So what can you do? [August 16, 2007 04:31:11 pm]

Ambiguous Losses that Bring Unresolved and Ongoing Grief

Ambiguous losses are shrouded in uncertainty, seem to go on forever, and show no signs of ending. They are much more prevalent than the general public realizes, and cause much confusion for would be caregivers who try to provide support for the bereaved. Whether you are a caregiver or experiencing an uncertain loss, greater understanding of them and what can be done to cope with them will limit their devastating effects. [August 16, 2007 10:41:20 am]

Bereavement Overload - Coping With Multiple Losses

It is important to recognize that we grieve many changes in life other than the death of a loved one. The break-up of any close relationship, divorce, incarceration, geographical relocation, children going off to college, destructive fires, workplace changes, or the loss of family heirlooms can bring a strong grief reaction. How can we cope with these massive changes or help someone who is experiencing more than one of these losses? Consider the following. [August 13, 2007 04:55:36 pm]

Beliefs That Maximize Loneliness after the Death of a Loved One

Experts on loneliness tell us the key to dealing with it is a concerted effort at self-development and working on the quality of your inner life. This is especially difficult to do if your identity was completely enmeshed with the person who died. It is critical that you make a concerted effort to drop all of the pseudo-beliefs and assumptions you may have adopted about loneliness from the culture in which you live. The power of those beliefs is enormous and will heavily influence how you adjust to your new surroundings. Here are some of the most damaging. [August 09, 2007 12:34:58 pm]

Moving Through Grief - What's Normal?

Do you feel as though there is something wrong with you because of the way the death of your loved one is affecting you? Are those around you hinting that you have to "get hold of yourself" or you should be getting over "it"? Grieve according to your timetable, not theirs. So what's normal that seems and feels so abnormal at times, and that can scare our support persons? The following responses have all been associated with the grief process through the years. [August 06, 2007 02:54:46 pm]

Ways to Find Peace after the Death of a Loved One

Are you at the point in your grief work that you would like to have that tortuous pain go away? Is it wearing you out and you just know that you will never feel joy again? And does it seem to persist and each day return with that same deep feeling of emptiness? Here are five approaches that have helped others and can help you find peace of mind even though grief persists. [August 04, 2007 04:24:04 pm]

Listening To The Inner Voice Of Love When Mourning

Have you ever felt extremely sad, abandoned, unloved, and all of a sudden received an insight that gives you temporary relief from your anguish? Where does this information come from? Who or what is behind it? Of importance here is: how can you deliberately seek it out in order to cope with the loss of your loved one? How can you keep from being completely absorbed in your pain - one of the mistakes we all make at one time or another. Here are some useful considerations. [August 02, 2007 01:57:19 pm]

How to Trust and Use Your Inner Voice

Have you ever read a self-help book that tells you that you have wisdom within, and you found it hard to accept that fact? Or, have you been told to listen to your inner voice and trust your intuition-and yet your scientific conditioning tells you to discard such nonsense? The experiences of young and old alike give first hand evidence that in a mysterious way-not fully understood by anyone-we all get critical information from we no not where (we just say within or from the unconscious). Here's how to utilize this powerful and often unused resource. [July 30, 2007 10:28:34 am]

What Anyone Can Do to Help a Mourner

What can you do to help someone you care about who is mourning a major loss in life? What do mourners need from those in their support network in order to cope with the stress of grief, and find the courage and strength to deal with all of the changes imposed by loss? Here are three actions you can take to be of immediate assistance and help on the long journey of adapting to the new environment that has to be faced. [July 26, 2007 11:47:13 am]

Three Critical Truths That Can Help You Cope With Your Loss

How do people deal with their difficult losses? Among the most important ways is developing their inner life. It is strengthened through the difficult confrontation with death and persists through the ups and downs of mourning. Often, new insights, actually new beliefs, are fashioned based on their experience. Here are three truths that many have eventually embraced, consciously or on an unconscious level, that have eased the pain of their journey. [July 25, 2007 11:35:34 am]

Trying to Rest and Sleep When Mourning

A vicious cycle that leads to more anxiety, less sleep, and increased fatigue is a common part of grieving. The immune system is compromised and the mourner comes down with colds, headaches, and digestive disturbances. And most important, energy levels drop at a time when they are sorely needed. Here is one approach to obtaining rest and needed sleep that can make inroads on the fatigue cycle. [July 23, 2007 08:57:11 am]

Why We Grieve Differently

How we grieve and mourn (go public with our grief) is an exclusively personal and highly individual process because of a large number of variables woven into our complex grieving styles. We examine a number of these variables in order to better understand why each person should be allowed to grieve at their pace and in their way. [July 19, 2007 01:38:56 pm]

Employing the Art of the Possible When Mourning the Death of a Loved One

It is doing the hard work of grieving, and committing to the unpredictable path to adjustment, that ultimately leads us to an outcome we can live with. At the start, we don't know what those results will be like. As we adapt to our great loss, the outcome begins to shape and later become acceptable. Here is how the art of the possible leads the process of adapting. [July 06, 2007 02:37:16 pm]

How to Be Kind to Yourself When Mourning

If you fail to take systematic breaks from your grief, eventually the stress of mourning will force you to the sidelines. Here are some ways to be kind to yourself, maintain your health, and minimize the chances of extending your grief work. [July 05, 2007 01:33:48 pm]

How to Evict Unwanted Thoughts When Mourning

Have some of your thoughts related to the death of a loved one caused sleepless nights? Are negative thoughts, concerning how you will manage alone, increasing the pain of loss? Or, are you a chronic worrier, and the flood of thoughts at times is just unbearable? If you can say yes to any of these questions, it is critical to understand at the outset that you can find ways to reduce the effects of bothersome thoughts. Here's how. [July 03, 2007 03:45:12 pm]

How Your Life Can Have Meaning after the Death of a Loved One

How can you find meaning in life now that your loved one has died? How can existence possibly have any purpose? It is common to feel that life has ended for you. When someone we love is no longer physically present, we are often haunted by despair, emptiness, and the lack of purpose. Here is how you can reduce your pain and suffering. [June 30, 2007 10:22:10 pm]

What Every Mourner Should Know

When mourning the death of a loved one, many questions have to be addressed and you, in the final analysis, must make choices based on what you believe to be true and the information you have at hand. The latter is often a major problem, since much of the education about loss and change is based on pure conjecture and the example of poor adult grief models. Here are six items of information that can reduce some of your pain and suffering as you make the inevitable choices imposed by loss.[June 27, 2007 04:46:39 pm]

Finishing Unfinished Business When Mourning

Getting unfinished business with a deceased loved one out in the open is often not an easy thing to do. However, achieving peace of mind and heart is always possible. It is essential to find ways to finish the unfinished - or that emotional baggage will prolong your suffering. It can also interfere with your present relationships that are extremely important as you cope with your loss. Here is what you need to know to begin your journey to resolution. [June 26, 2007 03:42:05 pm]

Try This Proven Way to Cope with the Death of a Loved One

There are many ways to consider in meeting the difficult changes imposed by the death of a loved one. A good approach is to recognize that all areas of your life can be affected in some way. So begin the task of finding balance and stability by addressing what is the most daunting challenge you face at this very moment. In order to accomplish that, examine how grief assaults these four areas of your life.[June 22, 2007 01:00:59 pm]

How to Cope with Sudden Death

Are you completely overwhelmed with the unexpected death of a loved one? Frozen in time? Numb? Not knowing where to turn? All of this and more occurs to someone every day and it can only be described with one word: Normal. But whether normal or not, its effect is chilling, something that no one who has never had the experience, can fathom. [June 21, 2007 08:02:15 am]

Does the Work of Grief Ever Really End?

What do we know about the length and intensity of grief work, that process we have to go through to adapt to all of the changes imposed by the death of a loved one? Here is what will help you to arrive at your own answer to that question. [June 20, 2007 08:58:09 am]

What All Interpersonal Relationships Thrive On and How to Obtain It

How can we consciously build a strong network of friends? Over the years, I have found four key concepts that anyone can develop and work on that result in filling this vital human need for interaction. I call them the four A's. Master them and you will grow. [June 19, 2007 03:12:02 pm]

Cope with Your Great Loss by Seeing Your Emotions as Inner Messengers

The three most obvious emotions associated with grief are anger, guilt, and depression. Some mourners experience one or more of these emotions, others, none at all. In any event, emotions can be inner messengers giving much direction. If you are presently dealing with one of the above, examine the questions these emotions pose for you. Then apply your answers by taking specific actions, and see if the course of your grief takes a turn for the better. [June 15, 2007 07:10:01 am]

Why Crying is Coping and Why You Should Cry If You Can

Crying is a very normal human response. It is a temporary release from internal and external conditions - a way to embrace the pain of change in doses that can be managed. More specifically, it is nature's antidote for pain. So why should you cry? Let's examine why. [June 12, 2007 10:41:49 am]

Ten Healthy Ways to Remember a Deceased Loved One

There are many things you can do that will honor a deceased loved one and at the same time keep his-her memory alive. In many instances the way you remember the person will be a source of wisdom and humor that can last for years and be an inspiration in life. Here are ten ways to begin showing love even though you are separated from your beloved. [June 08, 2007 03:21:23 pm]

How to Find and Use a Needed Sanctuary When Mourning

Sanctuary has multiple meanings, however, for mourners it is used to indicate an environment that provides rest, safety, as well as an informative and supportive atmosphere at a time when their defenses are down and they need to feel protected. Here's what you need to know to create and utilize your personal sanctuary. [June 07, 2007 04:24:02 pm]

Why You Should Write When Mourning

You don't have to be a good writer or speller to use writing as a potent tool to cope with the death of a loved one. Nor do you have to write a lot each time you sit down with pen in hand. Simply write what you feel at the time is the basic rule. However, writing leads to healing. Here is what to consider to use this coping tool. [June 06, 2007 03:37:23 pm]

How to Use Linking Objects as You Mourn and Continue with Life

Linking objects are literally any type of physical object or an image that connects a mourner in a comforting way with a deceased loved one. They can be pivotal motivating factors in accepting the death of a loved one and beginning the new life without the physical presence of the beloved. Here is what you need to know to utilize this important coping tool. [June 06, 2007 09:26:50 am]

You Need to Know Why Grief and Mourning Are Very, Very Different

Grief and mourning are in effect quite different aspects of a critical process for adapting to loss. What can you do with this seemingly insignificant piece of information if you are coping with the death of a loved one or providing support for someone else suffering through a loss? Consider the following implications. [June 05, 2007 08:32:25 am]

Why You Shouldn't Buy Into Old Age Stereotypes

Sterotypes about aging can affect the way you age in a negative way. Here's what you need to know to live a happy and healthy life as you grow older. [May 17, 2007 10:41:24 am]

How to Deal with Depression When Mourning the Death of a Loved One

Are you filled with despair and emptiness? Has life lost its meaning for you, and no one could possibly understand your feelings? Do you believe there is no future without your loved one? It is likely, if you are feeling this way that you are suffering from what is often called normal reactive depression. Here is what you need to know to help deal with this pervasive emotion. [May 16, 2007 02:20:30 pm]

How to Use Your Imaginative Faculty to Cope with the Death of a Loved One

Your imagination will help you create a specific event or reality to cope with your great loss. We constantly think in images. You have the choice to create images of the way you know you need to deal with death, and all of the changes it demands. Repeating and rehearsing the images, and seeing yourself dealing with new challenges, is a powerful motivating force in dealing with grief. Here are some examples. [May 12, 2007 01:41:20 pm]

Building a New Identity after the Death of a Loved One

Most people who are mourning the death of a loved one are not aware that their difficult experience also includes a change in identity. They are not the same persons they used to be and identity change is a major part of the adjustment process. Here's what you need to know to ease the transition into a new life and accept the changes in identity that death imposes. [May 10, 2007 01:51:52 pm]

How to Help Someone Mourning the Death of a Pet

Pet loss can bring grief that is more severe than the grief associated with the death of a friend or family member. Here's what you should know about helping someone who is mourning the death of a pet since there is great sorrow involved that can go on for long periods of time. [May 08, 2007 02:43:34 pm]

How You Can Grow Through Grief

Everyone experiences grief and the loss of loved ones. But it never happens in a vacuum. There is much that mourners experience and learn from their ordeals that helps them become more human, whole, and sensitive beings. Here is some of what we can learn in the midst of our sorrows--that will change our lives for the better--if we will only be open to it. [May 07, 2007 03:16:27 pm]

How to Reduce the Stress of Grieving

What can be done to make inroads on and reduce the emotional and physical stress associated with mourning? Here are seven approaches to consider in dealing with your loss or helping someone else you are supporting. [May 05, 2007 06:52:43 am]

How to Strengthen Your Inner Life Even When Mourning

Changing the pain of loss starts with changing your inner life, which then determines the quality of your outer life. The fundamental choice that begins changing your inner life is: face the pain as a condition of loving or resist and regress, isolate and withdraw from life. Here is how you begin your most critical task of strengthening your inner life. [May 02, 2007 04:52:15 pm]

How to Use a Personal Symbol to Cope With Your Loss

Symbols bring great meaning when suffering, and are potent sources to draw on in coping with loss. Visual reminders and images have always been high-powered motivators and energizers. Here is a partial list of ten suggestions for possible symbols you might choose that will help you cope with your loss. [May 01, 2007 01:30:58 pm]

How to Be a Positive Grief Model for a Child

We usually learn about dying, death, and grieving more by watching what others do and less about what they say. Regrettably, this occurs because adults say less about these subjects and try not to show their true feelings around children. Therefore, children are educated about death from television, songs, and movies in a second class way. We can break the cycle by learning how to be good adult grief models. Here is the way to start. [April 29, 2007 09:28:20 am]

Why It's Okay to Talk to a Deceased Loved One

Is it a bit unusual to have a conversation with a deceased loved one? Do many people do this? And are there any benefits to such action? What will my friends think if they find out? These questions are not uncommon in the thoughts of those mourning the death of a loved one. Here's seven reasons why the practice is beneficial. [April 28, 2007 12:33:42 pm]

How To Manage Guilt When Mourning the Death of a Loved One

Are you remorseful because you believe you have done something wrong or were inadequate to meet the circumstances surrounding the death of your loved one? Although not everyone who is mourning experiences guilt, it is a fairly common experience. Here are several things to consider about guilt and some suggestions for dealing with it. [April 26, 2007 09:20:18 am]

Never Let Go- How to Hang On to Hope When Mourning

Hope is often considered to be a will-of-the-wisp, an often talked about, but hardly practical factor in dealing with the various problems of life. This belief is spawned by the fact that hope is little understood, and it seems to work best when you don't realize it is behind your positive behavior. So what can you do to generate hope, keep it alive, and use it in dealing with your great loss? Consider the following. [April 25, 2007 05:27:18 am]

How to Cope with the Anniversaries of Tragic Losses

The anniversary date of any death commonly brings sadness and sorrow. However, the recall of what happened to the loved one in a violent attack often brings a flood of deep emotion that can last for days. Here is a way that you can prepare yourself or suggest to others what they can do to prevent unnecessary suffering on that particular day. [April 24, 2007 07:21:34 pm]

What to Do If You Have an Extraordinary Experience When Mourning

Millions of people throughout the world have reported Extraordinary Experiences (EEs) when mourning the deaths of their loved ones. They include visions, synchronicities, hearing the deceased, sensing the presence of the loved one, visitation dreams, and various symbolic signs, to name a few. Here is what to do if you are fortunate to have the experience or are providing support for someone who shares an experience with you. [April 24, 2007 09:16:56 am]

Understand and Move Toward the Seven Goals of Mourning

What occurs in the lives of most mourners - and it may be happening to you - is that they often are not aware of their choices, and where they should be putting their effort to ease their pain. Specifically, the search is for direction in how and what to do to face the loss, move through it, and begin a life without the loved one. Here are seven major goals to work toward in coping with your great loss that will help you adapt to a new world. [April 21, 2007 03:56:48 pm]

Three Seldom Used But Highly Effective Coping Skills

There are many well-known strategies to deal with the pain of loss ranging from expressing emotion and searching for meaning to keeping a journal and joining a support group. However, there are three skills you can develop which are not commonly talked about in books on grief that can make a major difference in a positive outcome for your grief work. Try them as you deal with your adjustment period regardless of the type of loss you are mourning. [April 20, 2007 07:28:29 am]

Ten Keys to Improving Your Relationships as Mourning Begins to Ebb

The importance of interpersonal relationships in the process of reinvesting in life after the death of a loved one must never be underestimated. The quality of your friendships and communication with others has a major impact on anxiety levels, your ability to continue processing sad feelings-and most important-establishing your new personal identity. [April 19, 2007 08:12:54 am]

Five Best Ways to Develop Your Coping Skills When Mourning the Death of a Loved One

A common experience for mourners is not to be able to find a nurturing support system, the confidence to deal with change, and reliable information to help deal with their loss. However, it is never too late to begin the task of finding out that there is a wide range of normalcy among grief reactions, that there are proven ways to deal with loss as long as you persist, and that despite your deep hurt you can learn to confront your emotions and find peace of mind. [April 18, 2007 07:42:00 am]

How to Reinvest in Life After the Death of a Loved One

What do mourners seem to accomplish that helps them accept their great losses and begin the long journey of adapting to a new life? How do they adjust to the unfamiliar and begin to find joy once again? Here is what many have done to move through, not around, their grief. [April 18, 2007 06:30:43 am]

It's Okay to Establish a New Relationship with Your Deceased Loved One

Only until recently was the go-on-with-your-life-and-forget-your-deceased-loved-one message endorsed by counselors and mental health experts. It finally was realized that we never forget our loved ones, they are close to our hearts, and in fact it is healthy and important to establish a continuing bond with them, if it is desired. Here are the things to consider in establishing that ongoing relationship. [April 17, 2007 10:28:34 am]

The Top 10 Things You Can Do To Cope with the Death of a Loved One

Everyone has to deal with the death of a loved one at various times throughout life. It is one of the conditions that is commonly faced without training or education. The loss of a loved one is made especially difficult to confront because we live in a death denying culture. Here are 10 things you can do as part of your journey through grief that have worked for others through the years and they can work for you. [April 12, 2007 04:06:28 pm]

How to Use Memories to Establish a New Relationship with a Deceased Loved One

Love doesn't die when a loved one is no longer physically present. He or she lives on within our hearts and memories-and many believe-in spirit. Establishing a new relationship with the deceased is one of the tasks of grieving. Here is how you can cement that new relationship through the use of memories.[April 11, 2007 08:47:39 pm]

Seven Effective Ways to Deal with Worry When Mourning

Often what tends to hide in the background of grief is a combination of fear, loss of control, and worry. All three are closely related and bring an increasing amount of pain and suffering. Much can be done to manage worry, to take excessive worry and turn it into something constructive. Here are seven approaches to employ. [April 10, 2007 09:00:28 pm]

The Importance of Finding a Grief Companion

We are social beings who thrive on interaction with others. The need for a friend, family member, or other support person during the grief process is essential to forming a nurturing community if we are to prevent unnecessary suffering. Here are several reasons why you should look for a trusted friend to share your thoughts and feelings with. [April 10, 2007 08:09:02 am]

When Coping With The Death Of A Loved One Trust Mystery And The Unseen

What do we learn from experiencing loss? If we are lucky, we are told by those who have been through many changes and much grief that it is alright to express emotion, that crying is good for the soul as well as the body, and time heals all wounds. However, time only heals when you work at healing your inner turmoil minute by minute and hour by hour. Interestingly, no one ever tells us to trust mystery and the unseen. And yet, many things happen unexpectedly that ease the pain of loss. Here are some common examples. [April 09, 2007 02:56:14 pm]

How to Lessen the Pain of Doing Your Grief Work

The work of grief frequently entails both physical and emotional pain. And although the pain of major loss is inevitable, it can be controlled and in many instances reduced. Here are six pivotal factors that will play key roles in how your grief work unfolds, whether it is prolonged, or becomes excessive. [April 08, 2007 10:34:58 am]

The Top Ten Things to Know About Grief

Grief tends to perpetuate many myths and falsehoods that have long existed. Here are 10 things you should know about grief that will cut through some of the cultural misrepresentations that often cause unnecessary suffering. [April 08, 2007 10:00:48 am]

How To Become An Expert At Loving In Separation

Death ends a life but not a relationship. So have you ever wondered how you can keep the memory of your loved one alive? Or, how can you establish a new and stronger relationship with the person who died, now that he or she is not physically present? The answer is compelling - practice becoming an expert at loving in separation. [March 29, 2007 02:27:26 pm]

Nine Ways to Cope with Loneliness after the Death of a Loved One

At various times, loneliness is the scourge of everyone from the young, old, incarcerated and homeless to children, shut-ins, and to the rich and the poor. No one is immune from its grasp. Here are nine ways to confront your loneliness and change your perception of it. [March 29, 2007 01:00:37 pm]

How To Help Yourself through The Holidays When Mourning

Holidays and "the year of the firsts" are often made even worst when mourners do not assert themselves about what they can and cannot do at each of the firsts. Here are several considerations to facilitate honoring your loved one and yourself at these important times. [March 27, 2007 04:29:34 pm]

How Gratitude Will Reduce the Pain of Grief

Gratitude is that quality or feeling of being thankful, which is life affirming and energy restoring. Affirming life and restoring energy are critical mental and physical factors when coping with the death of a loved one. Here are five ideas to think about in using gratitude as a new routine in your daily life and to help you cope with your loss. [March 27, 2007 08:49:49 am]

Seven Ways to Tap Your Spiritual Traditions and Beliefs to Manage Grief

Spiritual beliefs help to bring comfort, and in many instances, a sense of relief and meaning to the loss of loved ones. Here are seven ways to plumb the depths of your beliefs to find peace and ultimately the motivation to begin the process of acceptance of the death. [March 24, 2007 10:26:56 am]

Five Ways Toward Accepting the Death of a Loved One

There are two levels of acceptance when a loved one dies. The first, intellectual acceptance is easy to come by. We can acknowledge the death of a loved one. However, emotional acceptance is a different story- it takes a much longer time because it involves the process of withdrawing our emotional investment in the physical presence of the loved one. Here are five ways to help in accepting your great loss deep within your heart. [March 22, 2007 03:19:18 pm]

How to Recognize and Grieve Your Secondary Losses

Secondary losses are a host of additional losses that are a consequence of your major loss, the death of your loved one. They include but are not limited to things like a loss of old routines, the loss of meaning, and or the loss of companionship or a confidant. Here is what should be done to keep them from prolonging your grief. [March 22, 2007 10:21:40 am]

The Three Most Important Questions You Can Ask Yourself When Mourning

The result of the death of a loved one means we have to develop new routines, sometimes change roles or develop new skills, and restructure our lives knowing our loved one is no longer physically present. One very effective method of doing all of this is to ask ourselves three key questions. [March 21, 2007 08:13:15 am]

Seven Things You Can Do to Help a Grieving Co-Worker

The funeral or graveside service is over and someone you work with is back on the job. Is there anything you can you do to help the person in the transition he or she is facing? Plenty. Remember, your willingness to be with anyone who is grieving, your presence alone, can be a factor in healing. Here are seven things to consider in supporting someone you work with and help him/her adjust to the loss. [March 19, 2007 04:00:49 pm]

How Love Guarantees You Will Get Through Your Great Loss

Few counselors or therapists recommend the focus on love because it seems a rather Pollyanna approach to facing a major change in life. Yet, in my experience it is the most productive inner choice you can make. Here are three ways you can use this approach to reduce and eventually eliminate your pain. [March 19, 2007 03:52:42 pm]

Why It's A New Life After Your Loved One Dies

The concept of a new life for many mourners is repulsive because they think it heralds forgetting the loved one. Nothing could be further from the truth. Others think a new life means starting over. Again, not true. In essence, starting your new life specifically means coping with massive change. No one can resist change; it is the one relentless eternal force. Here are four reasons why loss thrusts us into a new life. [March 16, 2007 04:40:29 pm]

The Search for Meaning When A Loved One Dies

The search for meaning when a loved one dies can make the difference in how you cope with your loss and reinvest in life. . The Swiss psychiatrist, Carl Jung, the founder of analytical psychology, put it this way, "Meaning makes a great many things endurable-perhaps everything." Here are seven considerations that have provided meaning for others after the death of a loved one, and that may help you in your own search. [March 15, 2007 04:12:05 pm]

Using Your Self-Talk to Cope with the Death of a Loved One

Everyone talks silently to themselves every day. It is a normal human response that possesses great power in shaping the conditions of life. Often we fail to realize how negative our self-talk becomes. Yet, regardless of the nature of outer conditions, what is said to the self when grieving is critical in whatever action is or is not taken. And what you say, will heavily influence the amount of physical and emotional pain incurred. Here is what to say. [March 13, 2007 06:27:23 pm]

The Most Devastating Grief Myth Of All And How To Combat It

There are many grief myths but the myth with the longest lasting and most hurtful consequences is - you must let go of and sever all ties to the deceased. Adherents to this monster myth have usually been heavily influenced by those in their support group who have grown tired of the ongoing pain and repetition of the grief process. Here are some important considerations for the inherent need to establish a new but different relationship with the deceased. [March 12, 2007 02:41:27 pm]

What Not to Say and What to Say to Someone Who is Mourning

Some people seem to be especially blessed with the ability to be able to connect with someone who is mourning. Others have a habit of saying the wrong things at the wrong time. The result in terms of mourning is that the mourner is often hurt more, and tends to draw away from certain people at a time when social support is a crucial need. Here is what helps and what hurts. [March 12, 2007 01:03:34 pm]

Ask For A Visitation Dream When You Are Mourning

Millions of people who were mourning the death of a loved one have reported receiving a sign or a message from their deceased loved one or a divine being. These Extraordinary Experiences (EEs) occur at various times after the death. All of these contacts provide great comfort and meaning to survivors. One of the most common of all EEs are visitation dreams. Here is a common approach for seeking a visitation dream used by many mourners. [March 09, 2007 03:55:30 pm]

How to Deal with Your Anger When Mourning

Mourners can be angry at the funeral director, the medical profession, friends or neighbors, the clergy, the deceased, and even the self. Sometimes anger is fully justified. Often, it is part of a complex web of previous experiences in life. In any event, it can be dealt with. Here are eight considerations. [March 09, 2007 05:36:52 am]

Where to Find Help When Mourning the Death of a Loved One

Are you wondering what to do in order to deal with the wrenching pain, or if what you are fee

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You are always so positive and helpful. Thank you.