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[wolfram]

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[kaycee42]

I'm nodding Wolfram, all the time I was reading I am nodding. I am much older than yourself, I lost my Mum 3 years ago and my Dad 6 months ago and I still feel the same as you do about your Mum. I guess we are all different in the way we grieve. My husband seems to have no emotions at all, whereas I am a mess. As for speeding up the process, I do not think that is possible without damaging our minds, blocking out is not healthy. I am only just starting to think of my Mum without always bursting into tears. I guess I have just gone through life, getting on with what I have to, work, children, housework but I do not feel like I am living a life. Like I say I was just beginning to turn the corner with Mum, when my Dad died and here I am again in hell. Please come on here and vent your feelings, it has helped me. Just putting down the words we want to say seems to help me, so I hope it helps you too. I am sending you hugs.

[kathyl]

I signed up last night for the same reason. I thought I was doing okay, but then the wave of uncontrollable emotion hits again. Grief is a horrible roller-coaster ride, but speaking from a little bit of experience, it does get to a point where the memories you have of your mother will be reasons to smile. I lost my father many years ago and I have to admit that I still grieve about him on a regular basis. Each and every time there is a major life event (when I got married, when I graduated), I cannot help but think that Dad should be there to see it, and I go through part of the grieving process again. Thankfully, though, I know that better days do come and I hold on to that thought.

Unfortunately it's not a joke...and if you try to speed up the process, it tends to come back again and again I'm betting that your father and your brother still have moments of grieving as well...many people just keep it private.

I really do wish there was some magical answer to speed it up and take away the pain - I think you're doing the right thing by talking about it, even if it doesn't feel "right" at this time.

[ivy21]

This is new to me. I've never typed out my thoughts like this, nor have I ever seeked counsel from internet forums before. But, for the past 40 minutes or so, I've done nothing but cry. I am not one that cries easily or frequently, so this came as a big surprise to me. Fortunately my two roommates were out during this time, as most students here at UIUC are doing on a Friday evening, so they didn't hear me. But I almost feel like I want someone to hear me. Someone to notice the distress I've been under and ask me, "Hey, are you okay?" I can't talk to my father about it, he'll just tell me to get over it and go back to studying. I can't talk to my brother about it, he'll just tell me to get over it and go back to studying. I can't go to the counseling center here on campus, because they closed down the only fucking group that specializes in grief. I can't talk to any of my peers about it, because once I spill the beans that I'm struggling like this, they'll never look at me the same way and I'll have to deal with their bullshit pity for the remainder of my college career. I'd really love to meet another person, that's gone through a similar experience to me, and just vent about all the struggles that I've gone through, and have that other person say nothing but nod with approval for he or she will know exactly what I'm going through. But it's hard to find people like this. I suppose it's a good thing; more people that have experience a loss of a loved one isn't exactly something I'm wishing for. But at the same time, I feel like I'm isolated. And so, here I am.

I lost my mother when I was 19. I'm 22 now, and I still miss her terribly. Over two years now and I'm still dealing with this ****. I usually get through a normal week okay. I go to class, I do some work, and I go to sleep. Rinse, lather, repeat. But every now and then I catch myself reminiscing about times when my mother was still alive. Usually it's related to whatever I happened to be doing at that given time. So for example if I'm cooking dinner, I'll think about how happy I always was when my mother would be cooking my favorite dishes and I would just stand next to her with a watering mouth and talking about how my day went only half-paying attention to the things that came out of my mouth because I would be too distracted by the intoxicating aromas of her cuisine. Or maybe I'll be folding my laundry one day and then I'll think about about how whenever my mother was in the same room as I was, I would intentionally be folding my laundry really poorly or in the "wrong way" just to have my mother scowl at me and takeover the process. It was my clever way of making her fold my laundry for me, and it would always make me laugh whenever she fell for it time after time. In hindsight she probably figured it out, she just didn't mind. Silly memories like these are run through my mind every now and then in a given week. Sometimes it gets so bad where I can't fall asleep for hours.

I've tried everything, but I simply can't stop thinking about her. I just wish I could just remove any traces of memories I have about her, because whenever I recall times when she was alive, I awlays just end up depressed, distracted, and bitter. I really hate the whole "she's always alive in your mind" mentality because you know what? She isn't. She fucking isn't. She's dead and any memories I still have of her in my mind are simply that, memories. I just wish I could just move on and forget about her already. Two fucking years and I'm still not over the death of my mother, what a joke My father picked himself up after just a few months, same with my brother. I need to get on their level. How do you speed up the grieving process? I would really love to get on with my life. They small amount of joy the memories of my mother bring me is greatly outweighed by the pain they bring, so to me it's just not worth remembering her anymore.

sorry for your loss, i feel the same way too.. my mom died dec 11 2011, its been more than a year and i cant even stop the crying sometimes. just little things like her favorite food, the way she cooks something, the shows that she likes sets me off too. my sister seems to have moved on but i feel like im stuck, in some blackhole and i cant get out. sometimes i read news or have pics that id love to share with her then i remember shes gone and sometimes im so sad i just cry and sometimes im so mad that my mom couldnt attend my graduation last march and will not even be able to see me get married have kids or any other major life events. its hard to remember her or talk to about her to anyone really because they dont understand, they dont understand the hole in my heart and the pain i feel sometimes..its like a helpless feeling like you cant bring her back even though you want it soooo much. sometimes i just avoid talking bout my mom to people altogether bec like you i dont wanna be pitied. i feel so alone sometimes its so hard. I think maybe talking about it will help a bit, at least getting your thoughts out to people who have been in the same situation...anyway sorry if my post is a little all over the place its not one of my good days =).. if ever you want to talk just email me at luckyivy_021@yahoo.com.au

[dannyxxtyra]

I lost my mom two weeks ago today and this is the first post I clicked on.

I never thought that these online forums would be able to help me, but reading yours I automatically related.

I can't seem to bring my self to the cycle of "rinse, lather, repeat" yet. I have such a hard time getting out of bed and getting anything accomplished.

Her memorial service was yesterday and all I could think about is I want away from all these well wishing people and to hide.

I hope that your struggle gets easier along the way. It may not seem like things are getting any better, but I know that each day I get something done, or make it through

something without breaking down I feel alittle stronger.

[kathyl]

I lost my mom two weeks ago today and this is the first post I clicked on.

I never thought that these online forums would be able to help me, but reading yours I automatically related.

I can't seem to bring my self to the cycle of "rinse, lather, repeat" yet. I have such a hard time getting out of bed and getting anything accomplished.

Her memorial service was yesterday and all I could think about is I want away from all these well wishing people and to hide.

I hope that your struggle gets easier along the way. It may not seem like things are getting any better, but I know that each day I get something done, or make it through

something without breaking down I feel alittle stronger.

You are so right dannyxxtyra. I learned that it's not even a day-by-day routine. All you can do is "do the next thing", whatever that is and no matter how small it is. It does get a little easier with time....

[bethypooh]

lost my mom on the 2nd and im going through that hole,the wanting to puke cause shes not there,theres no relationship talk,no laughter,no crying,no hug,no kiss on check with her lipstick id wipe off and she would smirk.Its GONE...last night i was tripping trying to piss people off so they would leave me alone...just want everyone to leave.............Im made at myself and my mom for leaving and i get by ,by joking and laughing

[lamp]

If anyone finds the answer to this, please share w/me. My problem is I really haven't had time to grieve. I wanted to go away for awhile, really, really wanted it,but as my father-in-law is dying, I have several kids to take care of and an outside job, I've found "taking time to grieve" - a phrase I'm beginning to hate - is impossible to find. It doesn't help my husband is not supportive. Most days, I feel like a zombie, going through the motions. I wish I could just hide. I'm sick of being asked, "How are you?" to which I have no reply. Absolutely none. I'm sick of this rollercoaster ride and want to get off!

[widower2]

It's late but for now I would like to at least say that above all remember 2 things:

1 - The journey through grief is like a fingerprint - everyone's is unique to them. There is no "right" "wrong" or "normal" way.

2 - This will take time. Lots of it. Allow for that. Let yourself cry, scream, be angry, whatever it is. But know that (realistically) it does, gradually, improve. I'm not saying "time heals all wounds" because that is an utter crock of BS. But it does help. Not the time itself exactly, but the fact that it gives you the room you need to work through this.

A last point - sooner or later consider grief counseling. Repeat, grief counseling, not just some generic psychologist schmuck. Someone who specializes in this.

PS wolf, 2 years is not a "joke." Again don't compare yourself to others; it's pointless. It's not uncommon for it to take years and again varies for everyone.

Best to you all; I'm so sorry for your losses.