A place for those who are dating and mourning~

[aprilmoonflower]

I don't know if anyone else here can relate to the bittersweet stuff regarding dating and meeting new people..anyway just thought we needed a thread of our own.

 

I just have to say I never thought I'd get to the point that I'd actually start dating! but it's happened! (After 2.5 years)

 

anyway looking for support and maybe commiseration.

[aprilmoonflower]

I know I am not the only one dating here!

[swans4vr]

it has been 6 years today for me. I am dating but it still seems hard. I still compare

[aprilmoonflower]

swan4ever- how long have you been dating? It's only been about 4 months for me.

hmm I must be weird I never compare. :? I think I force myself not to considering the circumstances surrounding his death makes me think twice about how you never really know a person (or at least I didn't!) he was lying, cheating, drugging and I had no clue. I just hope the next guy is a more honest person I guess. then again he (AND his family) killed my trust in people, so I'm not sure I'll ever fully trust anyone ever again (sad, but true!)

somteimes I get sad though that it's someone else with me, when it should be him. but I realize I'm better off at this point. I suppose it makes dating easier for me.

I guess I meant bittersweet because I have figured out I deserve better than what I got and  am worthy of being loved.

[aprilmoonflower]

thanks for posting aurora. I'm glad I'm not alone. I think I am going to take a break from the dating for a bit though other than seeing one particular man. But we are just really friends for now. I just cancelled my yahoo sub as there are mainly freaks on there! (well in my area!)

[aprilmoonflower]

lol. too funny.

 

I went out with the homeschooling dad last night. We took my kids to the fair.  I really like him but just kinda going with the flow. Not seeking out any other men to date either so he is it. (for now) things are just moving along slowly.

[justkaren2]

Hello, ladies.

I, too, am dating.  My fiancee died suddenly on May 3, almost one year ago now.  I was with him for four years and found out at his funeral that he was dating someone else.  I never would have believed it if I hadn't seen her with my own eyes.  I understand why he was dating someone else..too complicated to explain here...but not why he lied to me.  I really didn't think he was capable of that.  But still, I loved him and I love him still.  Even though I was betrayed by him, still I miss him so.  I still have not gotten rid of his things.  His cologne, his deoderant, his toothbrush all still sit in my medicine cabinet.  I still dream of him even though I don't want to.  I was madly in love with him...one of those really passionate relationships.  He had the most beautiful golden brown eyes and he was hilariously funny.  Damn, I miss those eyes.

Anway, I was so mad, I began dating six weeks after he died (right after I went to the gynocologist to make sure I didn't have some kind of disease...yuck!  I still feel so dirty when I think about it).  Everyone told me it was too soon to date, but I found such comfort in dating..a distraction from my grief.  But it was really difficult for those I was dating.  I would cry often..movies and music were a big trigger.  So, if I had to do it over again, I would wait.

That said, two weeks into dating, I met the man that I am with now.  He really is wonderful.  David wants to get married, but I am not ready.  He says I still have an ongoing relationship with Richard.  I didn't understand at first..he is dead, after all.  But he is right.  I have held on to his memory like a cherished friend.  I did learn so much from Richard.  He taught me how to love and he taught me the pain of betrayal.  He was so darned sexy, it hurts to think about him.  I would give almost anything to look into those eyes, feel his arms around me, kiss those lips and talk to him.  Just talk, that what I wan the most, just to talk to him.  Wow, I haven't allowed myself to think about him this deeply in a long time.  It hurts.

But it is time to let him go and to move forward with my life. 

We are forever changed, ladies, and it sounds as though both of you have complicated grief, too.

But it was them, not us!  Just because they betrayed us, doesn't mean others will.  I sincerely believe that.  But that is my logical mind speaking.  On the other hand, I know that the reason I do not marry David is because I am watching him, testing him, making sure that he is as good as he seems.  That is unfair, I know.  But once you have been blindsided by someone you completely trusted, it is hard to trust so innocently once again.

But that is what we must do...trust again. 

April, baby steps are good.  Take the lessons you have learned and find a good man.  There are plenty out there.  You are gorgeous, by the way.  I'm sure you don't have any problems getting dates.  I agree with you about yahoo.  Have you tried match.com?  There are still a lot of wierdos, just like anywhere, but not as bad.  Why did you decide to stop dating except the one homeschool dad that you seem sort of lukewarm about?  I know it is difficult.  At least for me it was.  I had trouble holding hands even because it felt like I was cheating and I wished it was Richard.  Anyway, if you want my two cents, I think you should force yourself to date because it will get easier, you can have a lot of fun and all you will have lost is one half hour of your time if you don't like them.  (I always would meet for coffee).  You might surprise yourself and find a really good man.  All I know is that he probably isn't going to just knock on your front door.

Sorry for rambling...I got carried away

Karen

[aprilmoonflower]

Hi Karen. You are too sweet. It's good to know others are dating too.. I HAVE been getting lots of emails from match.com but I am  not doing anything currently with those! Just still trying to get my own life together and seeing that 1 man (sort of) dating takes up way more time than I anticipated! ahhh well. justgoing with the flow for now especially as my kids are so young (2 and 4) if someone comes along, great! If not, oh well! I have been married twice so I am a tad jaded.lol. I don't even think I want a BF per say either. Just a freind w. benefits kind of thing. (I know that's awful to say but it's true!) I definitely don't want a serious relationship anyway.

[justkaren2]

April:

I don't think that 'friends with benefits' is awful as long as you are both on the same page.  But usually, one eventually falls for the other.  Usually, it's the woman.  We are different than men and become emotionally involved when we are intimate. 

But I can see that you are different than most women, so maybe it works for you.  Just be careful with your heart.  Follow your instincts and don't let fear make your choices for you.

Take care,

Karen

[aprilmoonflower]

oh don't get me wrong. it wouldn't be just sex, but it would be monogomous in that sense. we'll see..lol. I am not one forone night stands. and I do think some degree of love should be there of course! (don't worry nothin's happening anytime soon!) haha

[justamom]

Hi girls, it has been a while since I posted but I had to chime in. It has been a little over 2 years for me (2 in Jan) and I started dating about a year ago - not because I thought that it was time to date but because this man sort of fell in my lap (affectionatly known to you all as "hockeyboy"). I will tell you that it has been one of the hardest things that I have ever done. On the one hand it made me feel "normal" again. I loved having a mans attention again. However the "my kids your kids" thing has been so hard. I really feel like my kids have been through the wringer and they deserve to just be happy. and then you throw a new man in, with a child of his own that he thinks is the most wonderful thing walking and we have struggled to find a balance.  As far as comparing - I do all of the time. I know that I shouldn't but I do. I want what I had before if not better. I really feel like I am so unfair to this man alot of the time but I can't seem to stop myself. I want him to love me and treat me like my husband did - I want him to love my children and protect them like my husband did - and I know that that is not posible but I still want it. I feel like we skipped over the dating and romance stuff and just went into the trying to blend our famillies. We are really struggling right now. I don't know how to change it. I know that it comes from my grief and still being pissed that my life was taken away from me and my boys..... I just don't know. My husbands friends are having the 3rd annual poker tournament in his honor this weekend and it still hurts so much. But then I am so much better than i was. I don't know do we truely ever get over it? Recover? Just learn to live with it? I just thought that I would add - sorry if it is too negative and down! I didn't mean to be. Lisa

[aprilmoonflower]

Hi Lisa! I've missed you! I think everything you wrote makes sense. Glad to hear you are still seeing hockey boy! I'm sure it's an adjustment for both of you..

I don't have any answers though! I just try to go with the flow and make each day count now is all it comes down to! If there is a man involed then ok. if not it's ok too..but I am not set on a partner per say right now. I guess I want it my way or no way.lol.I have much more to say but will have to come back as my littles are impatienly waiting to go outside! so i'll BBL!

[rodless]

I'm not dating but had to throw this in based on the dating experience I had after my divorce and before I met Rod. I think we try too hard sometimes to have the exact same thing we had before, and we can't do that because it is a different man with a different personality and different needs.

I had a serious relationship between the divorce and Rod that went down in flames. At the time I was devastated. Now looking back I can see it was totally the wrong timing, not to mention the wrong guy. He was fun to be with and I liked him a lot so I ignored the warning signs that showed problems....and unfortunately I was willing to settle for less than I really wanted because I thought having a man again would make me happy. Learned a lesson big time!

Then Rod came along after I decided I could live happily by myself if need be. It felt right from the beginning. I think the biggest clue was that he always considered my kids and what I needed to do for them as the priority. 

Not sure if this will help anyone but I know how tough it is to date with kids etc. And as for dating now....ugh! But I won't say never.

Mary Jo

[mishknit]

hey all....

i wanted to chime in here a bit, just as another place of connection..and it was a great idea to start this thread april.

i have dated a couple of times..what i call "meat and greets"....one and out! lol

but i just met a new guy, and the record of 5 dates has been hit, and it's been an interesting journey. i don't see him as a love match...but he is a nice man, very funny with my style of dry, sarcastic wit, he reads he's smart..he's a good guy and i like him a lot. he likes me too....but, and this is so important to me right now, he thinks i am hot! lolol..i can hardly say it, but it's true.

and that has made such a difference to me in the time we've been seeing each other. i feel attractive, sexy, like i have a bit of that spark back that was taken from me when tom died.

and it feels so good, and positive and hopeful.

how will this play out? i don't know, but it's good for now.

he has grown kids, so it's awkward in terms of my 15 year old son...we laugh about my 10pm curfew. and i think that really keeps my mind from going very far with this, since...it would be hard, ya know?

but....sex is in the picture, i'm a grown up, so we'll work it out as long as it stays good, i guess.

right now i don't feel guilt, weird, anything about it...i'm sure that's because it's so new and these feelings are so damn good after so long....i'm trying to be kind to myself, incredibly open and honest with him, and so far...SO FAR...it's all good.

peace,

michele

[airymoon]

hi everybody

I just had a book written on here and the site froze. It is hard to date someone with kids. I am dating someone who thinks his youngest walks on water and can do no wrong. He thinks everything she does is just the cutest stuff even when it bothers everyone else. And when we all go out as a family or two families it is a big reminder to my daughter that she doesnt have her dad anymore because she sees how he is with his daughter and a lot of the things they do my daughter and her dad would do. Right now i am just taking it slow and letting things happen but if the closeness doesnt happen for him and my kids it wont be there for me and him and vice versa

becky

[justamom]

Good Morning Girls, I find myself being so jealous for my children that my boyfriend pays so much attention to his son. Greedy i know, but I can't help it. As hard as this has been for me - I can't stand it for my kids. It is even harder because he only has his son every other week so the week that he doesn't have his son - my kids have a dad again and then the next week not so much. It is so hard. My kids are so much the reason that I do everything these days that I just don't want anything to be hard for them. Their life has been too hard already! Lis

[justamom]

Michele, I think he sounds great! It does make you feel so much better to know that you are still attractive! I don't know about anyone else but not only did I miss my husband terribly but I really missed the physical connection with another person. I missed SEX! It is really weird at first to even think about it but it does get better! It is nice to have prospects - I remember! Take care, Lisa

[rodless]

I think that's what I miss the most - the connection with one special person. When I was divorced I was 34 and REALLY missed the physical stuff. Now I'm 58 (almost) and it's the emotional connection that I really miss. Maybe someday I will find both again. I know it can happen as I've seen it happen for others. We've all come a long way to even be thinking about all this...that's good. Don't you think so??

Mary Jo

 

[mishknit]

lisa....

it's funny, i didn't miss sex at all.

and i thought that was so very weird.

but then one night, when the guy kissed me....i remembered sex, and that i liked it and why.

i needed the wake-up call...after 2 years, 3 months! LOL

i hadn't been with anyone else but my husband since 1986..we were married in 89.

very weird, but not such a bad thing!

michele

[justamom]

Oh My gosh Michele, I was exactly the same way - I didn't even think about it until I met hockeyboy and all of a sudden it was like my body woke up again and realized what it was missing! I had been with my husband since I was 20 years old so he was definitely the biggest part of my sexual life. I will say that now a year later the sex part is pretty natural, it is still the emotional part that is so hard. Is your suitor a good kisser? Good Kissing is very important in my book! If I am too nosy tell me to mind my own!

Mary Jo, I just think that it is great htat you are open to the possibilities. You never know what might happen right?! Lisa

[rodless]

It happened for me once....who knows? I hate to think I would be alone the rest of my life.....I'm not THAT old. LOL My mom remarried at 72. When I suggested that they just travel together and skip the marriage bit, she very firmly told me ____ is not the kind of man you shack up with. Guess you're never too old.

 

[mishknit]

lol.....

yeah,

good kisser....

otherwise i don't think the feelings would have started, ya know?

actually...the night he kissed me first, i got into the car and had a horrible, guilty meltdown. called someone from my grief group, and just cried and cried.

but that was just that.....once i got past that...hmmmm

not feeling any guilt, just trying to enjoy the ride while i'm on it.

does that sound bad?

i've been sad and lonely for so long....

it's a nice change

peace,

michele

[justamom]

I don't think that it sounds bad at all - turning the corner for me was a conscious decision, just because I couldn't be sad any more so I decided not to be. I think that life is like that for all of us now - we just try to enjoy the ride because we all know that it is very precious and delicate. Glad he is a good kisser.

April have you kissed homeschool dad yet?!? Again, if I am too nosy you can tell me!

[airymoon]

i didnt miss the sex either until i was kissed and then i did. I  also melted down the first time my guy kissed me and the first time we has sex didnt seem real but the second time i broke down and started crying right after. I felt so ashamed and at the same time happy again and then guilty and damn it i missed my husband. My husband and i got married at 18 so he was the only one i was ever with. Im 41 now and i was shocked that i wouldnt be able to say i was only ever with my husband. Even though i knew it would one day happen it was still a shock ya know. I know waht you mean about the one week dad for you kids and then not so much Lisa. You want to talk about it but at the same time you dont want him to think you dont want him to give his kid affection or feel like he has to hold back. Would he be receptive to making more of an effort when his som is there to add a little more to your kids? Its a tricky subject for sure. Its the sme in my situation except when his daughter is there nobody else matters at all so ive just decided that we dont spend as much time when she is there and if it were ever to get serious that would be one thing that would have to be fixed first.

[justamom]

Hi Beck - I still cry sometimes after sex!?! It makes him feel so great. HAHA.

We are trying to figure out how to balance it all. His son is an only child so not used to having to share attention at all. I do sometimes keep him and his son away when they are together - partially because I just want some time with my kids - he is here alot. Not good at being a bachelor, he doesn't like to be alone very often and we really do like having him around, but it is definitely different and harder when his son is in the mix. We have really different parenting philosphies as well. I am definitly not a "pal" to my kids and he is. Everything that we do is different. I wish I knew how my husband would be right now with 8 and 11 year old boys maybe he would be more of a pal too? I don't know.

[airymoon]

we could be dating the same guy. He is pretty good with my kids but when his daughter is there it is definately different. I did ask him if he was going to shut us out when she was there than not get close to my kids at all because everytime its like they lose again. I think he finally got it when My daughter was crying and he asked her what was wrong and she said i miss my dad. Then she wouldnt talk to his daughter. I told him its always going to be a reminder and when he shuts us out it hurts her because she is just starting to let him in. Then i asked him to think how his kids would feel if it were reversed. My husband was definatley a pal to my boys at that age, but if they needeed to be disciplined He would do it. It was when my oldest hit 15 that things started changing  I guess maybe all kids start at that age but he never got the chance to turn it back around. it is all a balancing act i think

[mishknit]

i don't have the same issues as you guys have.

first..it's waaayyyy too early! lol

but i have a 15 1/2 year old.

the issues i have are more about his sexuality, and what i can and cannot do..you know?

i mean, i can't say, "mommy's going to have a sleepover!", and then expect him to respect that. it's weird.....thwe guy jokes aboit my "10pm curfew"..not far from the truth.

i have my priorities straight, and that's my son.

he;s actually going away for one night next week...perfect night for a date, but it's my poker night with my girlfriends...no guy gets into that mix!

like i said, i have my priorities straight. lol

you know, this is all so dicey, so strange.

we have had the loves of our lives, and now we're entering new, weird territory.

frankly, i think we're damn brave, and good for all of us...for at least trying..right?

\

peace,

michele

[justamom]

It took a long time to figure out when I was ready and when was "enough" time dating him to think about that next step. On the one hand we are grown adults but on the other damaged adults. I think we dated for about 4 months before we started thinking about it and then another month or so before we did. We have the same issues with the kids my boys are 8 and 11 and his is 12 so we don't do sleep overs either. We meet during the day when they are at school mostly or when they have sleep overs. It is a lesson in creativity to get to spend some "quality" time together. I had to get a babysitter tonight so we could go to dinner because it has been since early Feb. since we had a "date" Pathetic. We are "dating" but never see each other. Oh well. I am just trying to enjoy it for whatever it is. I do think that we are incredibly brave to even be attempting it. Sometimes I feel like I am tempting fate - just to see if I will get burned again - does that sound stupid?

 

[rodless]

Wow, this is an interesting discussion and has brought a lot of memories back of fun lunches and creative "dates." Rod would never sleep over when my kids were home. During the time we were dating they were in upper elementary and middle school. His kids were all gone and married so we didn't have the scheduling conflicts some of you do, but blending families of any ages is a tough thing to do. Rod's kids said they never resented the time and attention he paid to mine, and I tried to pay that feeling back by being a good grandma to their kids, but it all blew up in my face when Rod died and the true feelings came out. But I'll never be sorry even with all of that.

I'm so glad some of you are having fun and back into life again. I really think it is a consious decision to be happy. Of course, it's easier when the sun is shining! I feel very positive today...MJ

[doug42]

i have a question for everyone..i suffered the sudden loss of the woman ithought that i was going to spen the rest of my life with in 2004...a year and a half ago my prayers were answered when i met a woman who lost her husband in june 2005...from the first minute we met it was like we were ment to be...we allways said that our spouses set us up...no jelousy , everything was easy...we both talked about growing old togeather...about two and a half months ago she saarted to get really quiet and when i asked what was wrong she said don' tworry everything is ok...i was worried...then the phone call came...you know that i love you but i just want to be alone for a while...i still did not know what was wrong..a couple of days later she called...its over, i said no its not tell me why...then she said i miss mu husband , we had the perfect marriage...my heart sunk...the last words she said...i will call you..its been just over two months...i cant stop thinking about her, wrooying, i have started to think of my loss in 2004 also...i am a mess...i sent her a note last week telling her that i miss her and i that i will allways be here for her..she went to a friends funural shortly before all of this happened...could have this triggered her grief...i am more of a talker when i am feeling down, i still go to group meeting when i feel sad...do you think that she could be feeling guilty,,we both said that we did not want to be alone..we both waited a long time before we started to date..i love this woman so much that i have to respect her time and space...it just hurts not knowing...she lives not far from me..i cant call her, stop by anything...i just want to hug her and not let go..my prayers were answered when she came into my life,,i will never give up on her..i can't..i am sorry if i did'nt make sence, but i think you get the idea...do you think that she has more grieving to do for her husband...i just wish i could help her..this woman means the world to me..thank you...doug

[justamom]

Hi Doug, I am sorry that you are having to go through this. That is one of the reasons I think we are all so scared to start dating again, there is always the possibility that we will get hurt again. I can't tell you what she is thinking, but I will tell you that I myself go through days where I miss my husband so much that it is like he just died all over again. Sometimes I feel guilty, for being happy, for having fun, for getting to have a birthday, for getting to hug my children, for being alive. Sometimes I want to run away from the man that I am with. Sometimes I do. It is all very difficult. I think that you just have to give her the time and the space that she says that she needs. If it is right to be together she will come around. In the meantime you just have to take care of yourself. Not very much fun - I am sorry. Try to find a reason to smile today. Take care, Lisa

[doug42]

thank you..just the part of not knowing is the hardest...i thought after i lost my girlfriend all of the bad things in my life were over..what i found in my new relationship is what i prayed for for a long time...i know that i have to be a man and give her what she wants, i guess that since i went through the same thing also i thought that she could come to me first...my heart breaks for her, i am praying very hard for her and us to..ours is a match made in hevan for sure, thats what she allways told me and i belive it..doug

[aprilmoonflower]

Doug I hate to be cynical- but are you sure she didn't  use her grief as an excuse to end the relationship? (I know that's an awful thought) but it really has me wondering, since she hasn't contacted you AT ALL.. seems kind of suspicious to me! Especially so far in to it. I know even if I am feeling guilty I would NOT drop contact with someone I was seeing, yk?

[aprilmoonflower]

btw Lisa, no kissing with HS dad yet. LOL. just nice hugs and fleeting touching. um, can you say SLOW going?

we talk about sex all the time though weirdly enough, though we are both celibate! LOL. (he is a former sex addict btw, uh oh!:shock: so he's got some issues..) but things are comfortable with him thus far so that's a good sign. he is also trying to do the Christian thing and be an example for his kids. (Secretly he wants me to corrupt him though) haha. he did take a purity promise though.. but like I said he has issues. I am not ready to just hop in bed yet either though so I am fine with it all. truthfully i think we are both seeking a friends with benefits kind of situation though. (we've talked abou tit!)  lol. it's just a weird situation all around though..

I do think his relationship with his kids mom was purely sexual for 16years and made alot of messes in his life that he will live with until he dies now and will always affect his children most likely.. I truly think he is seeking a friend first. and he does see other woman and I have seen other men..it's ok with me as I don't have sex with just anyone! (I have had 3 partners and 2 were husbands) though I slept with ALL of them within a month of meetng/dating so it is kind of weird, this situation, but nice in a way too..we have only known each other for 3.5 months but it seems like alot longer!

who knows if we will ever GIO (get iton) but we do have a good friendship. so either way it's good!I think we are both being catiously optomistic though about that!

[doug42]

she told me she loved me , thats why it was so hard to do this...she is not the type of person who would hurt anyone like that..thats not her..she is just someonewho has trouble expressing her hurt..she never liked to talk about how her husband died...i never pushed it..she never cried when he died, i hope that she can cry now, and let it all out..

[aprilmoonflower]

doug-yeah it sounds like she has issues with grieving. I guess it goes to show everyone grieves differently..anyway I hope you find peace and resolution with the situation whatever happens..

[mishknit]

interesting.....

the guy i've been seeing is going away this weekend, a long planned trip, and i find myself..well, not exactly sad about it, but i wish he weren't going.

we've had this friday night date thing going, and not this week, and..

oh, whatever. i enjoy the company and the flattery, and the feeling that i;'m special. it's good. it's been a long time.

i like dating. i hope i date more, more people..get my feet wetter.

i'm alive.

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

lol michele, I know how you feel! I just have 2 young kid which make things, difficult..lol.

I am having lots of second though about the HS dad now. I think we will remain friends, but nothing further. I think he is just way too wrapped up in himself and his own problems (he's got major issues) and while I feel badly and will do whatever I can to help, I just can't get further emotionally involved! I guess that's a big old oxymoron right there or whatever the word is!

otherwise I am still chatting with my old client (the train conductor) he's nice too, but very reserved and shy. I'm sure we'll get together again at some point! (my kids absolutely adore him though, so much that it's SCARY)

 

[mishknit]

ya know april....

having a 15 1/2 year old makes it difficult too..just in other ways.

i am lucky that i don;'t have to get a baysitter, but then, i worry what he's doing while i'm gone.

plus, he texts me while i'm out! it is so funny.."just checking mom"..are you having a good time still'..etc...it is very weird.

and then there's the whole thing about being a good role model for him in terms of dating and sexuality...i certainly cannot have someone to my house, neither can i say "oh, mom's gonna have a sleepover"... lol

the guy has made reference to my 10pm curfew..and it's pretty true.

and it would have to be VERY serious before i could ever intro someone to him.

it's just hard for all of us, isn't it? just in different ways and for different reasons.

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

yeah I bring my kids on dates all the time. lol. well the 2 men I see. the only reason I brought them with the second man is because he used to be my client and I felt I know him pretty well (he had never met my kids though as I didn't have kids when I knew him). it's just too weird. need to find a babysitter!

anyway I haven't had sex in 3 years! I don't see that changing anytime soon though! LOL. I like to tell people I'm a born agan virgin.

[mishknit]

had a great time last night on my date...

dinner, moved to a cool bar for a drink...lots of laughs, nice talk...

and still, for some reason, i screamed most of the way home.

i guess it's just gonna be hard, no matter what, and really dealing with that is the next hurdle.

because, i am alive, and i do want to date and meet, hopefully, another significant person .

i;m not confused, really, by my feelings...i think they make perfect sense, the push pull of anger and guilt and happiness and finding out about someone new, it's exciting and overwhelming and saddening and good.

all at the same time, which makes me feel insane.

so now it's time to deal with this head on....thank god i'm in therapy! lol

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

I hear you Michele. I actually like meeting people I just hate the whole dating "scene"!

Glad you are having a good time though. (for the most part!)

[mishknit]

april..

it is a pain.

the dating...

'and part of the situation i'm in worries me because of that, because i kstye the dating so much...

it's kind of easy to fall into more of a relationship..yk?

but i do not want a relationship...i HAD arelationship..

i am not ready for a relationship.....

ugh!!!!!

i am so not ready for any of this...even tho i am.....

i just want my old life back,

really, really really badly.

and yet...

i am having fun.

neck brace time with michele...

wants it/ doesn't want it.

he's gone for a week in FLorida.....

maybe the break will be good.

tho i saw him again yesterday because he didn't wa nt to go another week without seeing me.

sweet. yes.

UUGGHHHHH!

peace

schizophrenic michele

[mishknit]

i just spent the last 45 minutes fighting with my 15 year old son.

i mentioned that i ahd seen flight of the conchords at this guys house...

he went ballaistic..

how could i go to his house, what if soemthing happaned to me..on and on and on....

not worth dating, i'm thinking, if this is the reaction i get.

peace, michele

[aprilmoonflower]

oh no Michele!  how is he doing now? what if you invite him out with you guys one night and show him how boring adult time is (haha)

I'm still chatting with the homeschool Dad though I still have reservations about him that have only deepened, so  I'm doubtful THAT is going anywhere! Turns out he is way too self absorbed and full of himself for my liking thus far. LOL. ah well.

I just joined a green singles site. Already Im chatting with several interesting men on there. The only thing is they all are farther away. Oh well, not even sure what I'm looking for anyway!

[armaiti]

Hey, April, is it greensingles?  I know a bunch of people who are on there from both Ashland and Eugene, so if you get responses, let me know, they might be friends of mine LOL!

[aprilmoonflower]

lol. yes Anna!

[airymoon]

michelle   my guess is that your son is just being protective of you and a little scared about what could happen to you and where that would leave him. I went through a similiar thing with my 15 year old. not just dating but any time i went out. I just sat him down and told him that he and his sister were the mostimportant thongs in my life and i wanted to know if things were bothering him but that i was an adult and i would never do anything to put myself in a situation that would hurt me or leave him and his sister without a parent. And basicaly that parts of my life are private just as they were before his dad died. Now he is better with it but i also tell him my plans for the night (without details)  where im going and when ill be home and if im going to be late i call and let him know. Its a little like role reversal sometimes but it seems to help.

[mishknit]

becky...

great advice, and made me look at it differently.

i did have that conversation....about doing nothing to put myself in a risky situation, and he heard it.

it's just so weird.

my running shoes are so on (no manolos here anna!)....and i just keep moving forward, but scared and freaked all the time.

i don't know what i want, but know i don't want to hurt anyone, but..

god, who knows.

we've been having these lovely friday night dates, but thus past week...friday, and then sunday, and then some music tomorrow night, and friday again.

freaking me out.

i miss tom so....but know i HAVE to move ahead, because otherwise i'll dry up.

meanwhile...

anna.....sounds good, this email friendship.

hopefully you guys will meet, it sounds like you have a lot in common, and that's good.

hugs to you april.....but MA is a bit geographically undesireable, isn't it!

peace,

michele

[aprilmoonflower]

actually the place where he lives sounds amazing :) (it's an eco village in the making)