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    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
DawnFisher

Beyond Indigo Friendships

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Please give us your testimonial.  Tell us about the friends you've made through Beyond Indigo.  Your story may give someone the courage to post and open up to the welcoming world of Beyond Indigo friends!

Bless your hearts!

Dawn

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My brother died in a job-related accident, my husband's company shut down due to the death and I could not discuss this with my husband for legal reasons.  It just seemed too much to bear.  I was at a point where I was not sure what the options were, I wanted to just drift away.  The medication, the counselor and the alcohol simply were not working.  I searched the internet looking for songs or poems that would help me deal with the pain, I studied complicated grief and grieving time tables (ha...like there's really a time table).  I read and read and then did a Google search Death of a Sibling.  That brought me to this site over a year and 1/2 ago.  The first few times I visited here I could not post, all I did was read and hope that something would help me deal with this awful emptiness.  My first friend was Claudia.  She had lost her son just days before I lost my brother.  We shared so much in the shock and disbelief of it all.  I was amazed at how someone with such a great loss could offer comfort to someone else.  Claudia made phone calls from the other side of the world to offer comfort, prayer and simple friendship.  Still though we do not communicate as often, I love her as a sister. 

Around that same time there were two other girls, Diane and Barb, who had lost their brothers, (unexpectedly) around the same age as mine and most certainly they shared the same close relationship that I had with my brother.  I am still amazed that God placed me here to find such wonderful people and such loving comfort.  It is now going on two years and while there are days that I still feel an overwhelming sense of grief, most days are better.  I will never forget those three ladies as long as I live.  Good gracious, there are just so many others to list, Mark & mofirefly and so many others.  A young lady, CindyinAlaska, who sent boxes of supplies to my son in Iraq.  The love and honest concern for others is so prevalent here.  I still come here to check on my friends, to offer whatever comfort and hope to someone who feels so lost and alone in this crazy journey. 

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Dear Jeffrey's Sister,

What a beautiful testimonial to the friends you've met here at BI - you know that there are many people out there in this cyberworld, like you once were, just reading the posts - too fragile to post their feelings just yet.  May the story of your grief journey encourage them to write.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother - my son's friend's father died in an industrial accident last fall - and I witnessed first hand how very devastating it was - the sudden, traumatic death - how hard it was on the family.  I am glad that you found Beyond Indigo forums - God bless the hearts of the people whose kindness made a difference in your life - and thanks again for sharing your story.

Hugs,

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

P.S. I posted this poem in another forum, but I feel it is appropriate here.  As you read it, you can substitute the word "child" to describe the loved one you lost.

The Gift

I have a gift.

I did not want this gift, it meant suffering and pain.

The pain came because of love.

A love which had manifested itself in a child.

The child brought its love to me and asked for my love.

Sometimes I did not understand this.

Sometimes I did not appreciate it.

Sometimes I was too busy to listen quietly to this love.

But the love persisted; it was always there.

One day the child died.

But the love remained.

This time the love came in other forms.

This time there were memories; there was sadness and anguish.

And unbeleivable pain.

One day a stranger came and stood with me.

The stranger listened and occasionally spoke.

The stranger said "I understand", and did.

You see the stranger had also been this way.

We talked and cried together.

The stranger touched me to comfort.

The stranger became my friend as no other had.

My friend said "I am always here", and was.

One day I lifted my head.

I noticed another grieving, grey and drawn with pain.

I approached and spoke.

I touched and comforted.

I said, "I will walk with you", and did.

I also had the gift.

Written by Joe Lawley, co-founder of Compassionate Friends

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Dawn, 

Thank you so much for the poem.  It was beautiful.  It reminds me of "The Shoes".  I don't know if you have read that or not, but it is heart-breakingly beautiful. 

I am so very sorry about the loss of your son's friend's father.  These accidents are just so difficult to process.  It seems you want so desperately for someone to blame, some place that you can place the anger, but it's not always there.  Please pass on to Kelly that we would love to see a picture of that baby.  The posting of photo's has gotten to be such a wonderful thing here.  My grandson was born two weeks before my brother passed away and I am blessed that he looks so much like my brother.  Old soft soulful eyes; the kind of eyes that make you melt when you look into them.  My friends have shared their past as well as their present in both post and photo's. 

Thank you again for the poem and your continued support and offerings here.

Peace and blessings, Jackie 

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Hello,

I've sent Kelly your request for a "Baby K" pic!  She is a cutie!

I don't believe I've seen "The Shoes" poem - who is the author and I'll google it?

One of the most frustrating parts about our friend's industrial accident, in Indiana, the law protects the factory from being sued.  (I think most states are this way, too.) There's some sort of a "no-fault" provision - designed to make factories want to be in this state - because if an accident like this claims a life - they can't be sued.  There was an OSHA investigation and nothing ever came of it.  The same thing happened to a 24 yr.old last year in the same plant.  They cut staff and operate short-handed to keep costs down but keep the equipment is running non-stop - never allowing time for maintenance or inspections.  His machine had been acting up previously on the other shift.  He shut it off and there's a special key that you have to use to lock it and then take the key out- a double measure to prevent accidental injury...then he went in to try and fix it and the machine turned on and he was killed.  It was so traumatic for the family.  My prayers go out to you and your family.  There are no words to adequately express it.

Thanks again for your testimonial!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

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Dawn,  I don't know who wrote it, but here is the poem...

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

I use it as part of my profile on Facebook...  Quite apropos!

 

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I can relate - very clever poem.  Thanks for sending it my way!

I have "corns and callouses" on my feet from my "shoes!"  :)  Thank God for "tough skin" during the ups and downs in life!  And for friends who've also walked a mile in my moccasins! That's why I'm still standing! 

Hugs,

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

 

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Kelly, she is precious!  What pretty little eyes she has.  Thank you for sharing her with us!  It is so odd how after a child is born, you tend to use them as mile markers.  There are memories from that was before and this was after...amazing.  Each time I look at my grandson Jack, it makes me think of my brother; but in a good way.  Jack came just 2 short weeks before Jeffrey left....you know like that door shuts, window opens thing.  While I personally do not believe in reincarnation, I do believe that God gives us something of the loved ones that have passed that we can carry with us until we join them.

Thank you again, you are just a blessing and I hope you know all your work here has helped so many. 

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Dawn,  Yes, the OSHA process was horrible.  I just wondered why so much of our tax dollars goes to an organization that could not care less where the blame lies.  As long as they had someone to fine, that's all that mattered.  Precious Claudia helped me through that one as well.  The investigators did not speak with all parties involved and they totally came up with a different scenario than what we suspected.  I struggled with this.  For 6 months I had a task assigned on my computer to call them once a week to keep them on top of the investigation.  Claudia finally told me one day "you may never know what happened, and at that point you have to make a decision to let it go".  Sometimes you look at things for so long that you completly lose focus of the big picture, all you see is that one small point.  Fortunately I had people here that were helping me to remember the big picture.  My brother is gone and I miss him dearly, finding the appropriate party to blame will never change the outcome.   

I love that shoes poem; Claudia thanks so much for sharing it again.  Everytime I read it  there is a different verse that touches me deeply.  These are the two lines that touched me today.  Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much.  Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

Thank you again.

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Jeffreysister-

You are welcome. You are right they are milestones in our lives. I bet your little one has given you lots of love during this time! Babies are just little bundles of love. They smile and your heart melts. It is amazing.

I am glad you have found so much help her at Beyond Indigo. That was the hope!

Kelly

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The only fine that resulted from OSHA was for around $1300 because he didn't have his gloves on - which totally had nothing to do with the accident!  The govt. is trying to protect factories and keep them here -which I can understand in most respects - but not at the risk of cutting corners and causing death and injury to the workers simply to meet quota. 

I used the Mother verse that was on the Loss of a Mother thread to record a radio commercial in our community - letting those who have lost their mother know that they are in our thoughts.  Next year - I'll have the "Shoes" poem to record and add to our radio promotionals.  When you listen to the radio or tv this week, it's all about Mother's Day - and there's a lot of people out there wondering if anyone cares how they're feeling.  So thanks again for sharing!

Dawn

Beyond Indigo

P.S.  Love the picture of baby doll Kaleena!  Precious little girl!

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Kelly - Just wanted to stop by and thank you for the picture.  I remember just finding these boards and she wasn't even here yet - and now "WOW" she is really beautiful.  Thanks for bringing a smile to me today!

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Mofirefly,

You are welcome! She has been a ton of fun. I just can't believe how fast time has FLOWN. Okay maybe I am a bit sleep deprived but still!

Kelly

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My name is Claudia.  I joined Beyond Indigo in late 2006, a few months after my son Joey died.  After such a tragic and traumatic loss I found myself thrust into a whirlpool of emotions and changes, and it seemed that friends and family just couldn't identify after the shock wore off.  Everyone was there in the beginning--the memorial, the need to reach out and let us know we were not alone.  The whole community was in shock.  But after some weeks passed, everyone went about their usual business.  Let's face it!  Life goes on.  But for me, my world as I knew it stopped.  Nothing looked the same.  Nothing felt the same.  I was not the same.  One moment changed everything for me.  It was the moment my son took his last breath.

What Beyond Indigo has brought to me, Beyond the Friendships, is a sense of community.  I have made so many friends here on the various threads, and many of them are now my family--my grief family.  We understand each other.  We encourage one another.  We cry together, laugh together, share insights, and walk a very painfully tough journey together.  We know we are not alone, which is the greatest comfort we can offer to anyone who is in the midst of the isolation and loneliness that grief brings.  I could name all of my friends one by one and tell you specifically what they have brought to my life.  They all know who they are--at least I hope they do.  But what's more important to say here, for me, I think, is that Beyond Indigo is much more than a place where friends meet.  It is a lifeline for many of us, a connection in a community, in a world that otherwise would have forgotten us and our loved ones that have gone too soon.  One of the most common fears after losing someone so dear is that they will be forgotten.  Here that fear is reconciled.  Here, at Beyond Indigo, when we introduce ourselves, we also introduce the ones we grieve for.  Here I am welcomed, and here my son is welcomed.  And it's beautiful.  It's comforting.  It's more than I ever expected the world would hold for me beyond my loss.

I am grateful for Beyond Indigo, for the people behind the scenes that have made this a wonderful and safe place for people to come and share and grieve their losses in a healthy way, as friends, and as a caring community.  I am especially grateful for my friends here who without them, I have no idea how I could have come this far in my journey of grief, faith and healing.  Thank you ALL!!  (4everJoeysMom) ~Claudia

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Claudia

Thank you so much.  This is exactly why I return here.  I just got through posting on the sibling page about how crappy this day was.  Where did this stinking pain come from again....

Then I saw you had posted here and once again my heart is warm.  So that must be where Jeffrey's memory came from this morning.  To remind me to check in here and to remember my friendships.  To remember that Jeffrey has an honorable place here.  As a reminder that he was here on this earth and that he did impact my life.  You are right, we walk through the rest of our lives carrying our loved ones so very close to us.  We come here so that we can share them with people who understand.  I can tell the entire world about Jeffrey, but no one will understand they way my friends here do. 

Thanks Claudia

Peace & blessings, Jackie

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Is this thread where arrangements are made for Grievers to meet in person?  If so, I reside here in Hawaii.  Is there any other Griever here in Honolulu?  I've already posted about the loss of my soulmate in the other section about Partners.  Anyway, are there any other Grievers here in Honolulu? 

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I believe Dawn, that the law is called though I am sure I have the spelling incorrect, Torte-Reform. It is what prevented the Railroad from being regarded as responsible in our case.

dee

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Dear Members,

We are excited to mention that we are moving to a more new and improved message boards on MONDAY MORNING AUGUST 9th! The boards will be done for a few hours while we are making the conversation. Remember we posted information about this move a month ago. For some of you this might seem a bit sudden,  but when we were reviewing the site we determined the current message board you are using is out of date and the company that designed it is no longer in existence. The good news is this new message board will have new features that have been requested in the past like more fields we can add to your profiles and a chat room up to 20 people at one time. If we find the chat room is bursting at the seams we will add additional room for extra people. All your old posts, private messages and such will be migrated to the new message board. You might have to put up your profile picture again but not sure. The new company will be doing the migration for us. Here is a short list of some of the new features on the board:

- Custom Profile Fields

- Users can customize their profile pages by selecting a background color or background image, with tiling options.

- Facebook and Twitter Integration

- users can respond to multiple posts at once with "mini-quote"

- Pinned discussion threads - like welcome to our board etc.

- Announcements made across some boards or the entire message board

- Search: Users can easily find all content generated by a particular member, by clicking the 'Find Content' button that appears on the main profile page, or in the Mini Profile Popup which can be accessed throughout the board. The results page allows content to be filtered by application, as well whether the member created it or merely participated in it.

- Privacy: allows users to sign in anonymously, hiding them from the online users list. Users also have the option to disable personal conversations and user-to-user emails, as well as ignore other users if necessary.

The next exciting piece of news about the new message board is it will have a new domain name of www.grieving.com for search engine optimization purposes. It will still be apart of Beyond Indigo and can be found through www.beyondindigo.com. We will be redirecting your current URL's to this new domain name but we might miss a few. If that is the case simply go back to www.grieving.com or www.beyondindigo.com to find your message board thread. We will try to make the transition as seamless as possible.

The bottom line is the new board will give us room to grow our community and more options to interact better with each other.

If you have any questions please direct them to feedback@beyondindigo.com.

Kelly Baltzell, MA

CEO/President

Beyond Indigo Family

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