Members UnderHis Wings Posted January 31, 2013 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 I feel worse than ever. I actually thought I was doing great, but the last two days have been horrible! i miss him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chicagobelle Posted January 31, 2013 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 That first year is always the hardest. My dad died in '99 when I was 16 and that year was horribly hard for me to deal with. My exboyfriend passed away last Wednesday and that is hard for me to deal with too. Hugs to you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsmurph Posted January 31, 2013 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 I have those days too. Getting through.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted January 31, 2013 Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Hi, Under his wings! I just want to say, I hope you are ok, and I'm sorry you've hit a rough spot on the road. I had one of those just a few short days ago- it was five months last Saturday, and I felt , well horrible, in the days leading up to it. I went outside, and walked in the park, and watched people with their kids and dogs for a bit. I visited some friends for a little while, and read a book. I cleaned my kitchen. I went and looked at some pets at the animal shelter, and I'm giving some thought to adopting one. And gradually, the cloud started to go away.Not because I wanted to, but because a kind friend from this site told me to make myself do it anyway!And she was right, and it helped me, and I feel a lot more in control. So I will tell you what she told me. Make yourself get up, and go somewhere, even if it's only to the store and shop, and get around some other people, and get some sun on your face and some fresh air, even if it's just on your porch. Go play with some children or a pet,and watch how much they enjoy life- or rent a silly movie that makes you laugh, for just a little while..and I hope you feel better tomorrow- because remember, someone else does care how you feel!Hoping you feel better soon! - Silver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UnderHis Wings Posted January 31, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 chicagobelle, dsmurph, and Silvergirl, thank you for responding. Today is another horrible day so far. I remember the first time (in 1969) I whispered, "I love you," and I just can't believe he's gone. I'm sorry for your losses as well.I hope our daughter can go shopping with me when she gets off work. You're right, Silvergirl, that usually helps. I just feel overwhelmed with grief. He's the only man I ever loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 31, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted January 31, 2013 Hi UH, very sorry you're hitting a rough(er) patch so to speak - I seem to be relapsing myself. SG made a great point ie try to do something, anything, if you can - if you stay "stuck" and mired in it (which is easy to do, I think we all realize), it's probably the surest path to it continuing, or not subsiding as quickly. Course I talk a good game, can't say I've always done it myself, but when I have, it definitely helped. Even a little housecleaning helped some because at least I'm doing something and feel a little better about getting something done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted February 1, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 It's also been my fifth month and have to say it feels like it happened yesterday. I miss my husband so bad and I try to find things to get my mind off of him but damn it just doesn't last very long. I attended my first Grief Share group last week and left feeling almost sadder because the other widows had fifty, sixty years with there husbands and I only got thirty. I feel so cheated and alone. My nights seem better somedays but mornings are just so hard. I miss him so much! I think I may be growing thin on some my family after all LIFE goes on. HA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted February 1, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 MG- I'll hope you feel better soon, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UnderHis Wings Posted February 1, 2013 Author Members Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 Hey, widower2 and mgilbertson, thanks for your replies. w2, I hate for you to still feel sad. And mg, let's hope this doesn't go on forever! I did get out with our oldest daughter, but I'm ready to start crying all over again. I think I'm going to write my memoirs in a red hardcover book. I hope it doesn't get tear-stained! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted February 1, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted February 1, 2013 left feeling almost sadder because the other widows had fifty, sixty years with there husbands and I only got thirty."only?" I'm sorry if this comes out wrong but that's more than most - by far. I didn't get half that. Again I know that may not make the loss any less painful, but - well it's relative I guess, and I think we all should try to remember despite the tragedy that we were fortunate in some ways, even though we feel anything but most of the time. I know I was luckier than some as well (heck when I think of who I had in my life, wow - luckier than many and luckier than I deserved!). Best to you mg - Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsmurph Posted February 2, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 When I pray at night with my 6 year old, i thank Our Father for the 14 years we had with Emily.I wish it was my whole life but, I didn't get that. But I did get her for a short time and for that I am truly blessed and greatful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mgilbertson Posted February 2, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Dear Widower2, Yes, your right thirty years is longer than a lot of people have had but I had always dreamed that my husband and I would grow old together like a lot do. We were kids when we married and beat so many odds as most people didn't think it would last. Our kids have done well and made us proud, we'd just become "Grandma and Grandpa" and life was good. One minute he was here and fine and the next he was gone! I just feel so robbed,bitter,alone,lost and sad. Its only been 5 months so I know I have a long road ahead of me still. I miss him so bad every day, every minute! I just always thought we would grow old together but....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dsmurph Posted February 2, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 mgilbertson, i'm really sorry for your loss. The first night I went to group therapy this man, probably in his 80's lost his wife of 54 years, 4 years ago. He started crying just talking about it. A loss, no matter how long, hurts. But when you love this person so deeply and build your life around them, it seems like a part of you left with them and will stay with them. My life is my family. I understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted February 2, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 Dear Widower2, Yes, your right thirty years is longer than a lot of people have had but I had always dreamed that my husband and I would grow old together like a lot do. We were kids when we married and beat so many odds as most people didn't think it would last. Our kids have done well and made us proud, we'd just become "Grandma and Grandpa" and life was good. One minute he was here and fine and the next he was gone! I just feel so robbed,bitter,alone,lost and sad. Its only been 5 months so I know I have a long road ahead of me still. I miss him so bad every day, every minute! I just always thought we would grow old together but.......I hear you mg, and again I'm sorry if that came out wrong.....yes we thought we would grow old together too. I don't know how we can move on, but somehow, we will, we must. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members llovern Posted February 2, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 2, 2013 W2, I totally get what you said about thirty years being longer than many people get. And, believe me, I am so grateful that I had David for 32 years. However, I do share MG's feelings at times. I, too, feel cheated when I see couples who have been together fifty or sixty years. I look at my granddaughter and grandson and think how thrilled David would be to spend time with them. He has been gone over nine months and sometimes, I still think Oh, how can he be gone from my life. How can I have a life without him. The bottom line is that the pain is great no matter how much time we spent with someone we loved deeply. I know in my heart that even if we'd had another twenty years, the pain would be the same for me then as it is now. Life goes on and we have to find a way to live it. We have to keep getting out of bed and going through the motions and looking for moments of joy that chase away the sadness and pain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted February 3, 2013 Moderators Report Share Posted February 3, 2013 I, too, feel cheated when I see couples who have been together fifty or sixty years. Of course, and rightfully so, and same to mg or anyone else. No matter the time we feel cheated regardless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Silvergirl61 Posted February 11, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 The more I think about it, the more i believe that no matter how long you have with someone you love, if you are the one left behind, it's always going to feel wrong, and like it wasn't long enough. I try not to think "it was only twelve years " ,any more, because it just hurts too much when i do. I try not to think about the plans we had together, and I hope I forget the dreams we shared, of what we hoped to do together in the future. I'm not sure what else to do, but when I think of those things, I just can't seem to not feel cheated, and it makes the pain worse for a time. My Dennis was my life. We were so close, and we were together as much as time allowed. I was lucky that way. The years went by so quickly. I never had time to lose the wonder, or the magic, of the first kiss, the first dance.....it was always good to be with him. I've never met anyone, who could understand my thoughts as well, or who cared about so many of the same things, or who "got' me, and just loved me, without asking for me to change anything...because he loved the real me, and I felt the same way. Now that he isn't here..I feel alone and lost, a lot of the time. I still find myself wanting to turn to him, to share things, to talk...and it suddenly hits me...all over again. I have to give up the parts of the future now, that were built on "us"..and find a future for "me" . I still feel like he's with me, in some way, like he's just out of sight...still loving me, still encouraging me..and I find some comfort in that. I have lost people in my life before, and I thought i knew what it was like...but this is so much worse than I could have imagined. It may be the worst thing I ever face...I truly hope it is, for all of us here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AlwaysHisGirl Posted February 11, 2013 Members Report Share Posted February 11, 2013 I spent a lot of time last night reading quotes about grief, hoping that the"secret" path to peace might be revealed. No luck yet. Below are a few of those quotes - something to ponder... “The mystery of death, the riddle of how you could speak to someone and see them every day and then never again, was so impossible to fathom that of course we kept trying to figure it out, even when we were unconscious.”― Francine Prose, Goldengrove“When a relationship of love is disrupted, the relationship does not cease. The love continues; therefore, the relationship continues. The work of grief is to reconcile and redeem life to a different love relationship.”― W. Scott Lineberry“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler“Loving someone means that you will inevitably grieve for them; love is an engraved invitation for grief.”― Sunshine O'Donnell, Open Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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