Only Child Double Loss

[kleeofus]

Hey everyone, I'm writing today to try and find some answers/support dealing with the grief that I feel over the loss of my parents. Feb 2011 at the Funeral of her younger sister, my Mom told the family that she had been diagnosed with stage 4 renal Cell Carcinoma( Kidney Cancer). The doctors had told her to start making her final arrangements because it had spread to all over vital organs and her spinal cord. Needless to say they were right because by early June 2011 my mother had passed at the tender age of 58, in the Hospice Care unit of a local hospital. My Father was sick also (congestive heart failure & COPD) they were even hospitalized at the same time around April of 2011. But my father and I buried my mother and went through all sorts of BS with here siblings. They were under the impression that my mother had a secret fortune stashed away because of her frugal nature. But for the next year my dad was my rock, even though he was grieving immensely he helped me through the rough spots. My parents had divorced when I was 5 but after about two years they got back together but didn't remarry. So they had been together roughly 40 years, with me being the only offspring. Long story short my dad needed to get a defibrillator and a pace maker, received it in early July and died August 9th 2012. I'm crushed on the inside, but keep it together when I'm out in public. I'm angry alot and that is not healthy, I don't want to negatively influence my two kids.

[ModKonnie]

Kleeofus,

I am so very sorry about the loss of your mom and dad. Anger is a normal emotion during grieving, although at some point it should begin to dim. One way to deal with your losses is to talk about them, and you've certainly come to the right place to do that.

You know, it's okay to cry, too. Many people feel so alone, fearful and isolated when they lose both parents, so if you feel as though you are on a rollercoaster with your emotions, that's not unusual.

So, do you have anyone at home to talk to? Friends or coworkers? How old are your children?

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[kleeofus]

Thank you ModKonnie

I do have my wife here at home, and a few close friends. I do have one friend that has lost both parents, but we've only talked about it briefly. My kids are 8 and almost 5, they are the best thing that has ever happened to me. Part of the pain that I feel is due to the fact that my children won't be able to have a relationship with my parents. The kids were 3 and 6 when my mom died. My daughter remembers her well but my son doesn't. It's my job to help them know who my,parents were and what they were about.

[ModKonnie]

I am glad you are not alone at home. Perhaps you could work to create a video/audio/musical memorial of your parents that will help your children to know them. Many people create timelines, histories, etc., for future generations.

ModKonnie

[rox411]

I am an only child too. Mom passed 11-28 and dad is very sick with cancer. 58 is sooo young! I am so sorry for your losses. I have had several losses around the loss of my mom. I find that I am leaving the tv on all night. I live alone, except for my dog, and just find it comforting to have the tv on whenever I wake up. I can't sit in the quiet at home. I can't relate to your anger, but I may get there. Luckily my aunts have been a great comfort to dad and I .

[karebear]

I am so sorry to hear about your mom and dad. I lost my dad recently and that is hard enough to deal with I can't imagine what you are going through losing them both. I can understand you wanting your children to remember and know who they were especially as time passes and to be strong for the sake of your kids. I also have 2 kids, they are 12 and 15, so a bit older, but still it is hard for me to fall apart in front of them and I often feel like I am failing them to do so. The truth is my daughter is really struggling as this is the first major death in our family and being strong isn't always the best for them. My daughter saw me crying one day and it was then that she started talking to me about her own feelings of loss. She was crying to and felt bad because she felt like she was the only one who was having a hard time and she didn't understand why she was hurting so bad or why no one else was. I guess sometimes we have to be weak to be strong. I put up an ornament on our christmas tree this year that said Father and had angel wings on it. My daughter knew what it was for and it kept the memory of our loved one with us. I am still trying to be strong for the kids but I am more willing to let them see the real emotions and real me going through this grief. Not the overwhelming pain but the ongoing missing of my parents, it has helped my kids see that what they are going through is normal and it is ok to miss their grandparents.

My heart goes out to you. I think when the day comes for me to lose my mom I will be utterly devestated because we are so close, beyond best friends and I don't know how to make it without her, and yet I know that someone God will give me the strength to bear that loss. You are in my prayers.

Your friend,

Karebear