Hoping for fellow support

[ocprincess]

i am very new here, and have only posted 2-3 times. i do not have support here where i am, and feel as if i am going to loose it so much of the time. so much to share, nowhere to go. evil family. help.

[stephysteph13]

im here for you if you need to talk. i lost my mom a year and a half ago and it is one of the most difficult things a person can go through. im here for you. i dont have much family either, but i do have supportive people which im hoping that you can find.

hope your okay! im listening....

steph

[ocprincess]

hi steph,

 i just wrote a long post so that my story could be told. i did a copy just in case i would loose it for some reason. so then i did a spell check, and the program crashed. so when i started over and tryed to paste it, i suppose it went into the lost email land. it was so important for me to share.

thank you for your email, and your reply to listen. i am so down, and feel like i am going to crash. just a few things to share with you.

1. i am my mom's first born

2. i was not allowed to help with her funeral and have her wishes known only to me, fulfilled. i was not allowed to share winter holidays with the family.

3. two days ago they all went through mom's things, and i was not allowed to help. i spoke to my dad a few times, and he knew that i wanted to be there to help, to visit, and to share memories, tears, etc. i did not know this was going to be done, yet when i called two nights ago, dad's phone rang and rang for 6-7 times. the answering machine did not pick up, yet when the ringing stopped, it let me hear the sounds in the room. they were of my dad, sister, and younger brothers all doing what we ALL should have been doing together......going through mom's things, sharing memories, laughing, crying, huging each other, and taking care of dad who is a very young 85. mom was only 70.

4. my siblings all have a spot on myspace, and i don't. yet i went to look at my sister's, and there was a note showing from my brother that said, "can't wait to see you on saturday." that was last weekend, so that verified for sure that what i heard, and what was happening was true. it broke my heart in a million pieces.

if god is good, then why does he let unspeakable things happen to good people, and then the ones that hurt others, get away with it?

i was left out of everything. i knew my mom's wishes and i was the last to see her awake, happy, and at peace. i don't know what to do. i have been a good daughter and sibling. i am my parent's first born. it's been six months, and i have not healed even just a bit. i feel like i am going to hit bottom after all that has or has not been done when it came to me being a part of things. i ama  kind, giving, caring person, and try to always be a good daughter and sister. i am not perfect, yet i love them, and do my best.

WHY WHY WHY?

thank you so much for offering to listen. i wish i did not have to type so much as i have carpel tunnel. i want to share my story with someone who cares and can help, if just a bit.

i hope you are doing well, and i appreciate your reply. i have written a couple times, yet did not share much, or hear back. it's sad that what i wrote was taken away. there is a reason for everything.

bless you steph, and have a good weekend. bye for now.

[ocprincess]

update to my prior mini-novel.........i let my family know as kindly as i could put it without stepping on toes, that i knew they had all gotten together to go through my mom's things, and how i found out.

well not long after, i received 4 emails, all telling me that i will be blocked, that my thoughts about all of us helping my dad with a very sad task, as well as hoping that we could have all gotten together for our first holidays without mom, was completely selfish of me, and that they now want nothing to do with me ever again. i am saying it much nicer here.

i don't have a clue as to what i did wrong, or why some familys such as mine, act as they do. they are successful adults in their 30's, who have children and lead upscale lives, and want for nothing. yet they sure do know how to hurt others. i guess when their time comes, they will have to answer for their actions. one more gift from them to me, that i will have to deal with.

my father is a smart man, and after all our fairly recent conversations, his responses to me, and what the ending results actually turned out to be, everything that has happened was and is completely unexpected. :shock:

[stephysteph13]

Hi again!! I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Even though I'm very young I've been through more than people can imagine. I lost my mom in September of 06' and it was one of the toughest things throughout my whole life, and almost 2 years later im still very depressed. everything revolves around my mom. Prior to her death she was VERY sick with cancer for about four years on and off and it tore me apart because i watched her wither away to nothing. In the mean time i was dealing with an evil family as well, but not as bad as yours is. My uncle, which was my moms younger and only brother was an alcholic/ drugattic and became very emotionally abusive towards me. My grandma my moms mother, me and her dont speak at all.Right before the first thanksgiving without mom, like it wasnt hard enough she sent me a nasty four page letter. It was harsh, she basically blamed me for my mom's death, and took four pages to do it my dad told me she isnt worth it. and i honestly want nothing to do w her again, there is so much more to the story of her, but it would take pages. lol. its tough not having a grandma and a mom but honestly if i had my grandma my life would be worse. My mom and I were very close for the most part adn not having her is a HUGE transition. its very tough and i feel like my world is collapsing. i dont cry often but i feel like crap all the time even when im doing something fun. it sucks and it does change your life forever. i dont mean to scare you its just a real hard thing, and i dont want to sugar coat it, however grieving is also different for everyone. my stepdad was in the picture for a while too then stopped talking to us for no reason at all, and I still dont know why. He has all my mom's ashes and i dont have any  that bothers me alot too. after all she was my mother! oh well, i guess i just have to keep praying that i will get them eventually. so yeah there was alot that happened too so i really understand some of your pain. there is so much more that i will tell you in another post if you want. so not only did i loose a mom, but i lost a grandma an uncle, stepdad, and more. but im going to push through to make my mom proud. i understand what you are saying about why why why? i always ask that, how the bad people in life have awesome lives and good people like us have to suffer. About your family problems its going to be hard, nothing is easy, however push through for your mom, she will give you strength and just know that you are the bigger person in the situation, try and not let them bring you down even though i know it seems impossible. When you feel like breaking talk to me ill listen. Im always an open ear. Keep talking if you need to get stuff out im still listening. hope i helped a little.

Thinking of you.

Steph write back soon

 

[user=19182]ocprincess[/user] wrote:

hi steph,

 i just wrote a long post so that my story could be told. i did a copy just in case i would loose it for some reason. so then i did a spell check, and the program crashed. so when i started over and tryed to paste it, i suppose it went into the lost email land. it was so important for me to share.

thank you for your email, and your reply to listen. i am so down, and feel like i am going to crash. just a few things to share with you.

1. i am my mom's first born

2. i was not allowed to help with her funeral and have her wishes known only to me, fulfilled. i was not allowed to share winter holidays with the family.

3. two days ago they all went through mom's things, and i was not allowed to help. i spoke to my dad a few times, and he knew that i wanted to be there to help, to visit, and to share memories, tears, etc. i did not know this was going to be done, yet when i called two nights ago, dad's phone rang and rang for 6-7 times. the answering machine did not pick up, yet when the ringing stopped, it let me hear the sounds in the room. they were of my dad, sister, and younger brothers all doing what we ALL should have been doing together......going through mom's things, sharing memories, laughing, crying, huging each other, and taking care of dad who is a very young 85. mom was only 70.

4. my siblings all have a spot on myspace, and i don't. yet i went to look at my sister's, and there was a note showing from my brother that said, "can't wait to see you on saturday." that was last weekend, so that verified for sure that what i heard, and what was happening was true. it broke my heart in a million pieces.

if god is good, then why does he let unspeakable things happen to good people, and then the ones that hurt others, get away with it?

i was left out of everything. i knew my mom's wishes and i was the last to see her awake, happy, and at peace. i don't know what to do. i have been a good daughter and sibling. i am my parent's first born. it's been six months, and i have not healed even just a bit. i feel like i am going to hit bottom after all that has or has not been done when it came to me being a part of things. i ama  kind, giving, caring person, and try to always be a good daughter and sister. i am not perfect, yet i love them, and do my best.

WHY WHY WHY?

thank you so much for offering to listen. i wish i did not have to type so much as i have carpel tunnel. i want to share my story with someone who cares and can help, if just a bit.

i hope you are doing well, and i appreciate your reply. i have written a couple times, yet did not share much, or hear back. it's sad that what i wrote was taken away. there is a reason for everything.

bless you steph, and have a good weekend. bye for now.